tf2-yung-plague

TF2 is a timeless masterpiece

Hey there! You can refer to me as Plague, any pronouns (she, he, they, etc) is ok. I write (mostly sniper/spy) tf2 and (kylux) star wars fics, and I like to think that I am decent at it. AO3 is vicenderbeth. Thank you for stopping by!

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Drunk Boys (and Pyro?)

Drunk boys (and Pyro?)

These boys get T U R N T for the weekend (unless you’re Demo, then you’re just permanently turnt). Lets see their drink of choice and what kind of drunk they are.

Engie: “Every good country boy likes beer and whiskey son” oh engie will take anything you give him but if he’s buying it’s going to be beer. If he feels like getting extra crazy he’ll make moonshine (Sniper helps). When he drinks his whiskey he’ll drink it on the rocks or mixes it with dark cola. Just watch out when Engie gets drunk. “I bet *hic* I bet I could make a death ray……..*hic* YOU DON’T KNOW!… I might” or “YEEEEEEEHAAAAAWWWWW LET’S TASSEL BOYS! C'MON YELLOW BELLIES!” Engie loves to show off and rough house with the guys. He gets super loud (not really sure why) once he starts getting wasted. Then the next day when he wakes up he’ll find his shirt thrown somewhere, goggles will be hanging from the ceiling fan and for some odd reason he is only wearing one boot. Holding his head wincing slightly as he smiles “woo boy! That was a hell of a night…smells like the county fair in here…I better do a wellness check on the others and make sure I didn’t build anything this time…hee”. Medic is still mad about the bird powered death ray. (Zey are spooked and exhausted! You could have killed mein kinder! Nulpe!)

Demo: …well….he loves scrumpy duh. As for what he’s like drunk there are two different Demos. One: Is everyday work/life Demo you know and love. Two: Is ultra lovey Demo. This is the one always saying “I luv ya mate” every 10 seconds. He’ll also turn into a slobbery crying mess if he sees or hears anything cute/touching. “Aw soldier! They are playin our song mate! *tears welling* that was the day I knew I found me best mate! *full to burst* Cripes man get over here and hug meh! *full on ugly crying complete w/ snot bubble*” or “ MATES GET OVER HERE YE GOT TO SEE DIS! *gentle sobbing* look at the wee baby ducks floating on the pond! *big fat tears streaming down in anime like quantity* go wee lil lads and lassies! Just know Demo loves you! Eat all the bread and swim all the time ok! *starts breaking down* Be careful out there! *annnd back to the ugly cry again…gross*.

Spy: This one is such a damn princess he’ll only drink fine wines and liqueurs. His favorite is black roses and French martinis. Having an unusually high tolerance for alcohol it takes Spy almost all night to get REALLY drunk but when he does….get.the.camera. He is an absolute fucking disaster Spy has lit the wrong end of cigarettes on fire, tripped over everything, is rambling in french, giggling and laying on the floor singing. Spy is a lot more friendly towards Scout during these times giving him lots of side hugs and pats on the back (Scout:Yo Frenchy I might be good lookin but you betta watch dem hands brutha! Spy: Oh please I would NEVER be that drunk plus je pourrais être ton père Scout:That better be french for sorry for bein a creep… Spy: *sigh* then again maybe not…). Once Spy is sober again he’ll frantically run to search and destroy all evidence and get a shower as soon as possible. After that it’s off to medic for a few advil and then breakfast. The rest of the day is spent either in bed or wearing sun glasses in bright places if he has to be out and about.

Sniper: Give this man anyform of alcohol and he’ll finish it no problem. Rum being his absolute favorite he’ll favour that over any other choice. Sniper is a bit of an odd ball when he gets drunk. He becomes a dare devil and can be kind of a dick. One time Heavy had to get Sniper unstuck from a tree when he thought it would be a good idea to build a hammock at the very top of an old oak tree. Sniper will dare people to go skinny dip and other scandalous things that most (sober) people think twice about. Sniper tends to get moody if he becomes bored and picks fights but most of the time Scout, Medic or Soldier are good at redirecting Sniper into doing something fun again and he’s back to being the life of the party again before he passes out ass up. The next morning he’ll guzzle coffee (w/ hair of the dog perhaps) and water trying to cleanse his whole system. Sometimes he pukes from the hangover but mostly just curls up in his van and tries to sleep the day away.

Pyro: Three words: Adult chocolate milk. Pyro loves the sweet drinks that sneak up on ya. Not having a tolerance what so ever it doesn’t take much for Pyro to get chocolate wasted. Once Pyro is drunk every song is their favorite song and will drag someone on the dance floor (fast dance victims: Scout, Demo, Engie, Sniper and Soldier. Slow dance victims:Spy, Medic and Heavy). Most of the time Pyro does a really good job of getting everyone moving and having fun. Lots of great pictures and funny poses are still in the repertoire of inside jokes they all share. Drunk Pyro is so much fun! The next day Pyro’s body feels sluggish and heavy so…time to slow down a bit, but Pyro will look over the pictures and think the fun was well worth it.

Scout: “Uh I’ll take a beer *whispers to Pyro* go make me a long island and say it’s a dark beer.” This kid is picky when it comes to booze. Beer makes him barf or gives him the shits. He can’t be seen with no girly drink no matter how wonderful and tasty they are. This bad lil city boy can drink cheap booze that makes Spy cringe and be completely fine but that was in his younger days. He’s “grown up” now (yeah…sure) and needs a grown ass drink! Long islands and tequila shots are what he likes the most but will still try other things (Engies moonshine almost killed him on 3 occasions). Scout is a chugger “lets play beer pong or chandelier or quarters or-” drinking is a sport for him. Once he’s drunk he’s really touchy. Leaning on Heavy 90% of the time or putting his arm/arms around Sniper or Demo so they can hold him up and also we should get a tattoo bro! Soon someone will get tired of holding Scout up and will lay him on the couch with a bucket. This kid will reverse drink all day long the next day. Just as a precaution Medic hooks him up to an I.V. drip first thing in the morning so he won’t dehydrate. (You are ze only patient I have ever had zat could vomit zat much…ach it’s fascinating as well as nauseating).

Soldier: BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD! BEER IS GOOD AND STUFF! Oh yeah good old american brewskis, cracking open a cold one with the boys, uh…drinking with da fishes? Soldier loves sharing a drink with friends (it’s one of the few times solly is chill). He strictly drinks beer but he’ll try Engies american made moonshine. Soldier is a happy giggly drunk, he’s down for whatever. True or dare ok, beer pong cool, dancing with Pyro heck yea, holding Demo while he has a moment…uh sure what are friend’s for. Soldier is a good drinking buddy, he tells some ok jokes, has infectious laughter and will help you to the bathroom and will talk to you thru the walls if ya want. Nothing really grosses out or bothers him and when he’s buzzed it’s even more chillaxed. On more times then he could count he’s woken up on the bathroom floor with some elses barf on his pants and someone used his helmet as a barf bucket…oh well hose it out and grab some grub. Soldier will play nurse for a bit the next day checking on a few of the mercs with hangovers and getting them water. (You boys party like animals and tomorrow we fight like animals so rest up ladies!)

Heavy: Big boy loves to get down with some nice booze and unwind. Vodka, cognac and wine Heavy likes them all. He’ll try any drink once but sugary drinks make him a little queasy. Heavy will start off just talking, drinking and having a few laughs but….before he knows it…“Heavy is pretty princess Anastasia! Dance with me babies!”. Thats right Heavy is always the one that some how ends up in some kind of crazy outfit. Heavy loves making the others laugh and seeing the looks on their faces. The next day Heavy will wake up and question where in the actual hell did he find a tutu in his size and a blonde wig. Soon Pyro will show Heavy the pictures and at first is embarrassed but soon he’ll start to chuckle as some of his memory starts coming back. “Ah dis was fun night….speak of dis to Spy and I crush you.”

Medic: OKTOBERFESSSSST! Wow….just wow…this guy right here…just…stay back it’s safer that way. He loves his homeland brews but he’s got a taste for moonshine now (thanks alot Sniper). Medic is just as random sober as he is drunk. Sometimes he’ll be holding on to Scout and Demo swaying, singing along to the music playing while he’s crying. Sometimes he wears his tie like a karate headband and does some arm wrestling with Engie and Soldier. If Pyro is dancing he will join/cut in for Spy making Pyro giggle. Goes skinny dipping with Sniper. And some how some way he is now princess Rapunzel taking pictures with princess Heavy. This boy is wild and will feel the most like shit the next day. He leaves a tray of advil that has a post it note stuck to it of the correct dose amount on it the night before he even goes out drinking because once morning comes Medic will fucking destroy you if he is disturbed. It’s pretty rare that he’ll throw up but if he does it’s like a scream vomit (Medic hates throwing up. It burns and the dry heaves piss him…throw up or don’t! Don’t vaste mein time!). Once he is thirsty enough he’ll venture out to get food and water (and give Scout a quick I.V) but GOD HELP anyone who speaks to him. One time he pulled out his bone saw on Sniper and yelled at everone in german, it was the scarest and most confusing thing Medic ever did while holding a muffin. If your extra unlucky and make too much noise and wake Medic before he’s ready to be up…well surprise you just got signed up for random experental surgery in the next 72 hours…Enjoy!