I Dont Know If Theres A Word For It, But The Thing Im Aching For The Most At The Moment Is Change. Im

“I don’t know if there’s a word for it, but the thing I‘m aching for the most at the moment is change. I‘m craving it with every fibre of my body. I want to throw the windows wide open and breathe in the spring air that is not quite there yet. I want to redecorate the house, throw my old stuff out and buy new clothes, new plants, new everything. I want to cut my hair short, or curl it, or straighten it - I just want to wear it different than before. I want to dress more boldly and do things that scare me. I want to break out of my comfort zone and learn to be completely and devastatingly honest about things that hurt me and things I can’t face yet. I want everything to go back to the way it was before and yet I want it all to be different. I want to be different. There‘s a German word that basically translates to being homesick for a place you’ve never been. It’s called Fernweh. I wish there was a word to describe what I‘m feeling right now, because I think I might be homesick for a version of myself I haven’t met yet. For a version of myself I can’t meet at the moment, because every day seems so much like a repetition of the day before and I can’t see the end of the route we’re on. Right now, I can only hope for the slow sort of growth. The silent one. And maybe at the end of these difficult times, I’ll look back at who I was before and notice that I’m no longer the same.”

— silent changes / n.j.

having a lot of thoughts about this week’s ask polly

when victor hugo said “to love another person is to see the face of god” and herman melville said “let me look into a human eye; it is better than to gaze into sea or sky; better than to gaze upon god”  and dave malloy said “when we fall in love we wake up; and we are a god and angels weep” and tolstoy said “everything i understand, i understand only because i love. everything is, everything exists, only because i love. everything is connected only by that. love is god”

Door Knocker, Eynsham, England