O MY GOD THIS IS RHE FIRST TUMBLR HOLIDAY I KNOW ABOUT (I Only Learned About It Yesterday FROM Tumblr

O MY GOD THIS IS RHE FIRST TUMBLR HOLIDAY I KNOW ABOUT (I only learned about it yesterday FROM tumblr so ya know)

ALSO TODAY EVERYBODY CHOSE A THEME TO DRESS YP AS AND ONE ADVISORY (THE ONE RUN BY THE LATIN TEACHER WHO IS AMAZING) DRESSED UP AS THE SENETORS/PEOPLE WHO DIED AND SAID THE CAUSE AND PERSON AND DATE OF DEATH ON THE BACK OF THEIR SHIRTS AND DIFFERENT LETTERS ON THE FRONT WHICH ALL SPELLED OUT "I CAME, I SAW, I CONQUERED" IN LATIN ON THE FRONT SBJJDHDBFHSSNBFJCUUSRHFHFHEJEJFUFJGJGJABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPHDHDDJJRTHFJDQRSHFJDJSJDJFTUVWXYZFHFHDHSJFHFBWJDJFJF

best way I have found to comfort people who are endlessly apologetic of things outside their control (often as a result of shitty relationships) is the jokingly hyperbolic accusation of [gasp] "so you're behind it all!"

like someone giving me directions who starts apologizing profusely when I miss a light as if it's their fault--[gasp] "it was you who petitioned city council to build this intersection in 1893!!" because it snaps them out of it and they laugh like. oh yeah. that's a ridiculous thing to blame someone for. I'm not that guy. you're not that guy. it works.

i tried to hire a hypeman and the cheapest one (free) was a fucking wizard and now i cant get rid of her. she keeps saying shit like "she speaketh true" and "very wise milady" everytime i say fuckin anything and if she sees a car she tries to attack it with chain lightning. fucking embarassing honestly

bill nye has fucking snapped. if you say the words “chinese hoax” he’ll personally teleport to your location, set you on fire, and tell you that “oh no boo hoo you can’t stop being on fire because it costs too much money to not be on fire guess it’s just not worth extinguishing you”. he’d stab an oil company exec with knife hidden under his light blue lab coat. that man has gone off the civility rails, he is absolutely living, i admire him fully, we stan 

hey why does britain have a "shadow chancellor"

this is a video game boss

I cast kidney stone on you

No you don't