Im Finally Where I Belong, Yeah This Is Home

I’m finally where I belong, yeah this is home

Tamlin wasn’t fine. He hasn’t been fine for years. He wasn’t certain that he ever had been and didn’t believe that he could be again. Going under the mountain had been hell itself. The only thing that made it survivable for the weeks before Feyre appeared was praying for his own death. He’d waited and wondered — completely silenced, under Amarantha’s bonds. 

Then, there had been Feyre. Something in him broke when he saw her being manhandled by the Attor.

“I SET YOU FREE!” He wanted to scream. “All I wanted was for you to live.”

He remembered banging his head against the hard throne carved from the rocks to which he’d been chained. No, no, no. 

The room went fuzzy. Blood poured down his temples until Amarantha’s hand rose from her lap and forced him to be still. 

She could control his body, but she could not control his tears. Those were all his own. 

Tamlin focused on the distant lights of the village, losing track of where he was until his chest began to ache again. 

What had the physician called it? Stress cardiomyopathy. Broken heart syndrome. 

When Feyre backed down the aisle, he remembered a dull ache start in his diaphragm. It exploded as she ran away. He would have followed her, but all he could do was fall to his knees…in front of his people. His entire court saw his heart break in two. 

He did not remember much after that — only the distant call of Lucien’s voice, pretty lights, and more pain than he remembered in a hundred years. 

“Be honest,” Tamlin’s throat was raw as he briefly met Lucien’s eyes. They glowed in the dark like golden stars. “Neither of us are fine. No one is — not after what happened; but we joke and we laugh because otherwise we would start screaming.” 

He fiddled with the edge of his tunic, running his claw down the center of his opposite hand. He did not wound himself, but the idea…it was soothing. 

He knew Lucien would take the blow before letting him be hurt. Where did he go? 

“Anywhere, everywhere.” Tamlin pulled his knee up to his chest and rested his chin there. “My memory has gone dim and my heart aches, but my soul remembers. As much as I may try to make all of this to poetry, some days it turns out that the blood was never beautiful. It’s just very red.”

Red like the roses he’d planted with his mother.

Red like the petals which Feyre so feared. 

Red like the line on his palm as he lost focus and his claw broke the skin. 

“Anywhere away from here.” He said, leaning forwards, and lying on Lucien’s waiting shoulder with a low groan. “I can’t take one more sunrise without her, Lu. It’s killing me.” 

“you okay?” from Lucien

Tamlin finally turned his head the third time that Lucien spoke. He had a gift for zoning out and tonight was no different. He stood on the balcony, watching the sun drift into the darkening sky, and faced the general direction of Night Court. It had been six days, twelve hours, fifty-nine minutes, and twelve seconds. By morning, Feyre was supposed to be home. If she was not, there was little his people could do to stop him from winnowing to Rhysand’s gate and demanding her return.

“Huh?” His glazed, green eyes drifted towards the faithful Autumn Fae who’d long kept him company. “Sorry —”

Was he okay? Tamlin’s memory prompted him to answer, but he quickly found that he did not know what to say. Was he okay? No. It had been a long time since things were okay for Tamlin. Yet, Lucien knew that. His question held more beneath the surface.

How was he, really? How was his heart? Did he still wish it were solid stone?

“I’m…fine.” Tamlin whispered, avoiding eye contact, and swallowed his shame. “This is my fault, Lucien. Perhaps if I had not told her how I felt, she never would have come after me.”

He knit his fingers together and hoisted himself up to sit on the stone railing of the third floor balcony. That short a fall wouldn’t injure him, but the allure of danger was just enough that it helped quiet the ache in his chest. “Are you…okay?”

SWIMMING STARTERS !

for all the muses who enjoy swimming and the water! action and word prompts can be combined if so desired. for the actions, feel free to swap sender and receiver by adding a +↺!

❝ i didn't know you were so good in the water. ❞ ❝ oh my god, it's so cold! ❞ ❝ the water is so warm, it's so nice. ❞ ❝ ... i can't swim. ❞ ❝ a speedo? are you fucking serious? ❞ ❝ here comes a wave! ❞ ❝ i already burnt my feet walking across the sand! ❞ ❝ do you want me to put sunscreen on your back? ❞ ❝ are you sure you want to swim in that water? it looks kind of dirty. ❞ ❝ i'm so excited, i haven't been swimming in forever! ❞ ❝ wait, i have a swimsuit wedgie— ❞ ❝ that sunburn looks like it hurts. ❞ ❝ i bet i can hold my breath longer than you. ❞ ❝ i think the fish are nibbling on my toes! ❞ ❝ i love going for a dip at night. ❞ ❝ that swimsuit makes you look sexy. ❞ ❝ can you swim to the bottom? ❞ ❝ i'm scared of deep water. ❞ ❝ are you sure we're allowed to swim here? the whole thing's gated off. ❞ ❝ i'm more of a sunbather than a swimmer. ❞ ❝ alright, i'm ready to get out and dry off, how about you? ❞

[ JUMP ] — sender excitedly jumps into the water, receiver following suit [ PUSH ] — sender playfully pushes receiver in the water [ TUG ] — sender tugs on receiver's legs from where they're dangling in the water to get them to join them in the water [ SPLASH ] — sender playfully splashes receiver [ WAVE ] — sender accidentally splashes receiver as they dive into the water [ DIVE ] — sender shows off to receiver how they gracefully dive into the water [ GUN ] — sender starts a water gun fight with receiver [ BOARD ] — sender teaches receiver how to use a skimboard [ RIDE ] — sender gives receiver a piggyback ride in the water ... only to throw them into the water! [ TOSS ] — sender picks up receiver and tosses them into the water [ WAVE ] — sender and receiver ride the waves together [ RACE ] — sender and receiver race to find out who is the faster swimmer [ STORM ] — sender and receiver take a dip in the middle of a rainstorm [ NIGHT ] — sender and receiver take a dip underneath a starry night sky [ SUNSCREEN ] — sender slathers sunscreen on receiver (optional: specify where) [ ALOE ] — sender slathers aloe vera on receiver's sunburnt skin (optional: specify where) [ HOT TUB ] — sender and receiver spend a relaxing evening in the hot tub together [ STARE ] — sender discreetly stares at receiver's body as they take off their clothes in preparation for a swim [ MOMENT ] — sender and receiver swim to a remote part of the body of water to have a quiet moment together [ KISS ] — sender and receiver share a kiss underwater [ HEATED ] — sender and receiver begin having sex in the water

various medical starters

“Hold onto my hand, okay?”

“Don’t look at it. Keep your eyes on me.” 

“You were sick. I didn’t want to leave you.” 

“Can you hear me?”

“I don’t know if you can hear me, but I’m going to change out your IV now. It will be quick.”

“I can’t breathe.”

“It’s probably just swelling, but we could check for a break if it would give you peace of mind.”

“What did you take?”

“Where are you, will someone find you if you pass out before I get there?” 

“Having nightmares that get that bad… that’s not normal.”

“You should be at home.”

“Keep talking to me, alright?”

“How did you get [injury]?”

“– Was that a gunshot? [Name]?”

“You might have to stay in bed a couple more days.”

“I made you soup. I wasn’t sure if you’d want it.”

“Your fever is very high. I’m [name]. We’re friends, you called me and asked me to come over.”

“Maybe we should head to the ER.”

“Have you been drinking?”

“Take it in sips, to start with. Go slow.”

“I think you’re concussed.”

“It’s too bright.”

“I’m really cold.”

“I’ll come and pick you up, just stay there.”

“So, what are you in for?” (said inside a hospital, probably)

“If someday the moon calls you by your name don’t be surprised, because every night I tell her about you.”

— Shahrazad al-Khalij

Edgar Allan Poe, from a letter to Mrs. Maria Clemm, July 1849