I Lay Here, In My Bed, And I Think About A Very Traumatic Moment In My Life That I Think About A Few

I lay here, in my bed, and I think about a very traumatic moment in my life that I think about a few times a month.

Sergei had recently graduated and she had a boyfriend. Shocking, I know, but we’re not at the scary part yet.

Said boyfriend would often leave Sergei gifts in her room. Her room is in the basement. The basement has a shared living room next to the Sergei room. I was in the living room. I am drawing something stupid for a friend and I hear what sounds like my mother walking down the basement stairs. I prepare myself to say something stupid and I make eye contact with a lanky, eighteen-year-old man child and he has the AUDACITY to say, “Boo,” and NORHING else. I was speechless.

I do not like the fact that that man child walks like my mother. Luckily, Sergei is no longer with him and it only happened once.

Today, while drinking my coffee, I casually remarked that the ratio of Tiger King ornaments to actually religious ornaments on our tree is equal. My mother found this wildly amusing.

I also noted that the cross that is tearing at the seams (literally) hangs where the cats can reach and the Jesus fish (I don’t know what it’s actually called) is in the back, also in cat reach while Joe Exotic and Carol Baskin hang proudly at the to and in the center.

My mother seems to believe that the top is the safest part of the tree. She has seen many a tree fall and the top is the first to go. I explained that the middle sides were the safest and why, but to no avail.

Any way, if the tree were to fall, Joe and Carol would be the first to go and Jesus would survive.

(No one in my house is Christian or has been Christian in less than twenty years, so I don’t even know why we do Christmas.)

My phone recently updated and it’s giving me the time using a twenty-four hour clock. I am not too used to reading the time like that. So like the go-getter I am, I have been struggling to do basic addition and subtraction rather than just changing it back.

Okay this is just getting funny now

Aziraphale shielding Crowley from water

and Crowley shielding Aziraphale from fire

Here’s your annual reminder to wear your new, Christmas clothing so Yule Cat doesn’t get you. <3