I Think My Favorites Are The Crossed-out Ones....Crunch Poop.

I think my favorites are the crossed-out ones. ... Crunch poop.

So I got a detention today.

Which is kinda dumb because I’m (mostly) a model student, you know? And get this - Heres what Im in for: I said…*whispers* a swear word in class. 60 minutes of punishment for the phrase: “That’s really shitty.”

So this is how it went down: I’m sitting in math class last hour before break and my teacher hands me a little slip saying that i gotta go see the vice principal. And im thinking, “damn, i thought she forgot about that.” The horrible cuss word was uttered a few days beforehand and, well, i figured she didnt even remember. I walk down there (in my full-body cat kigurumi btw) and mrs. Whatever isnt there. So i mull around and steal a candy cane off the offices mini fake tree (Im already in trouble anyways so gotta go big or go home) until finally, i talk to the desk lady who calls the vice principal down. We walk into the room and start to have a chat about how our high school doesnt tolerate swears bluh bluh etc and that i should find alternatives to cussing. Thats where this picture comes in. This lady just fucking WHIPS this goddamn list out of nowhere and shows it to me in a completely serious manner. “Heres some examples of words you can use when you want to swear.” W H A T.

Goof nugget? Sweet onions? Shooby Darn??? Pokemon??????

And here she is in all seriousness and im trying not to laugh while asking if i can have a photocopy because this is actual comedic GOLD. This sort of phooey doesnt actually happen in real life, right? I mean holy snappin turtles what the frog is this Skikaka? Jumpin Jiminy, Public school is bogus!

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Funny story time: My mom, a veterinarian, was once in a taxi with a friend chatting about a dream she had about a snake. The cabbie made a less-than-tasteful remark about how "you know what a snake in a dream really means", to which she responded "actually, this snake was a patient of mine. Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar."

cute things to call your girlfriend:

sugar

honey

flour

egg

salt

Would you kill him in his bed? Thrust a dagger through his head? I would not, could not, kill the King. I could not do that evil thing.  I would not wed this girl, you see. Now get her to a nunnery.

~ Green Eggs and Hamlet