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He really likes sharks. He REALLY REALLY likes sharks.He likes them so much that he sheds tears.

Look at him. Look at his face. A pathetic middle-aged man obsessing over sharks.

The day after Vox won the Hell’s hottest poll ✨📺

His shark autism is insurmountable (they were politely asked to leave because Vox would not give anyone else a turn and Alastor was scaring the kids)

Thinking about Proto Vox and body dysmorphia

Vox hated everything about his body.

He hated being so small, not even half the size of most other sinners.

He hated his face, silly and adorable-looking. He hated his “missing tooth,” which only added to his childish appearance.

He hated his head, oversized and heavy. He hated how clumsy it made him at first, before he became accustomed to it.

He hated not having a physical mouth and being unable to eat.

He hated his voice, higher-pitched than it had been when he was alive. He hated the childish-sounding lisp be had been afflicted with.

He hated how he couldn’t swear or talk about adult topics without his voice being drowned out by an in-built censor.

He hated his body and it’s strange combination of wood and metal, both of which bent in ways that shouldn’t’ve been possible.

He hated his hands, soft and rounded and nailless.

He hated how he had spawned without genitals, completely smooth and sexless, like a doll.

He hated how no one perceived him as anything even remotely resembling a sexual being, despite the fact that he was an adult man who had once had his pick of beautiful women when he was alive.

He hated how he weighed almost nothing, making him easy for others to pick up or restrain.

He hated the way nothing in Hell was built to accommodate sinners his size, forcing him to climb (or be lifted onto) things as simple as chairs.

He hated the way his boss had him dress, in baggy outfits that made his smallness even more apparent, in children’s clothes, in silly, oh-so adorable costumes. He especially hated how she would sometimes insist on dressing him herself, as though he was her doll.

He hated how often people mistook him for a child, or deliberately talked down to him as though he was stupid, just because of his ridiculous body.

He hated how people laughed at him and how he had no choice but to make them laugh in order to keep himself alive.

He hated how, in one fell swoop, Hell had robbed him of everything that had made him him. His good looks, his charm, his respectability— everything. Never in a million years would he have anticipated that this would be his punishment for his misdeeds on Earth, for looking down on others and treating them like objects to be pushed around, but he had to admit, it was a pretty potent punishment nonetheless. And he would do anything to escape it.

I'm just saying, it tickles me that Betelgeuse is so intentionally chubby that Keaton had to wear a pillow under his shirt in the first movie.

unbetels your geuse

"Probably that's what Lydia likes in me the most..."

I'm in my Beetlejuice-in-profile era. Also now rewatching cartoon and felt the need to doodle this squishy cutie-patootie. And also I love to throw some of the grandpa Keats embodiements together, that's my little sin😇 And yes it's a competition who's actually cuter😂

for everyone else who is obsessed with this scene

Headcanon. Everyone in the afterlife gossips about Beetlejuice's crush on Lydia. Everyone. Who is this woman this notorious sleazeball is so faithful to? She must be something special. Also, everyone gets the story all wrong.

"I heard her dead parents arranged for her to marry him to get the new owners out of their house."

"No, that's not it. Her parents were alive! She agreed to marry him to get the ghosts out of her house!"

"I heard he rescued her from drowning and that's how they met."

"Really? I heard they met at Edgar Allen Poe's grave."

"I heard their wedding was officiated by a sandworm."

"That's crazy. Sandworms can't get ordained--!"

Inspired by this.

Vox, despite all his upgrades, still has his toon abilities. Well, not just abilities. It’s like there’s this instinct in him that makes him want to act toon like, to make people laugh.

But he can’t be like that anymore, so he hides it all.

He’s a serious business man, he can’t just go around and throw pies into people’s faces or whatever; it would destroy his and Vees image!

So he does everything he can to make sure that part of him very sees the light of day. Even though there are moments he wishes he can drop an anvil on someone’s head.

And that what he did for years, suppressing his zany behavior and powers, just to save face.

Until one day a fight breaks out. (And because I say so, the hotel gang is there helping out.)

Vox saw Velveet about to get attacked from behind and, without thinking, pulled out a giant mallet and crushed the sinner like bug.

And with that one act, pandora’s box had been opened.

Now Vox is running around taking out their enemies while cracking jokes, pulling items out of thin air, and doing things that shouldn’t be possible even by hell’s standards.

(Alastor is just watching from the sidelines as Vox takes down sinner after sinner with a smile on his face. And not smile of malice or sadistic joy, it was a smile of pure joy. The same smile that belonged to a man that he believed had died a long time ago.)

the self restraint lydia has is admirable because I would've been bouncing on his dick after he looked at me like this

I keep thinking about how Beetlejuice can literally control people's bodies with his mind and all he does with that ability is make Lydia and her family sing and dance.

If he were really this super evil villain, he could use that ability for much darker purposes. He alludes to this early on the sequel. Thankfully, we never actually see him do what he promised to that guy's widow.

More Vox!!!

The parasites have me, I fear, so imagine:

Astrid dies an early death. Lydia is left with nobody. She can't see her daughter, despite multiple desperate attempts.

She's left a broken, sobbing shell of who she used to be.

Her pills are starting to look mighty tempting. She doesn't know what else to do, so she takes a few, but stops. Astrid wouldn't want this.

But it's so, so quiet when you're alone, utterly alone.

Her head isn't right and her heart is shattered, so between her cries she whimpers for the only one that she knows she can count on to come.

"Beetlejuice,"

Her breath hitches as the tears continue.

"Beetlejuice,"

The next one, barely a whisper.

"Beetlejuice."

He emerges, flashy and boisterous as he ever was, but quickly placed his hands in his pockets with a furrowed expression when he sees her, his Lydia, curled up on her hands and knees in the floor.

He knew what had happened.

So of course he would be there for his wife.

"She's alright babes, in fact, she's using the time to catch up with her old man!"

Lydia's body stiffens at that.

He opens his mouth to elaborate, but stops short when another guy wrenching cry leaves Lydia's throat.

He moves over to her, almost silently, and Lydia feels two cold arms lifting her from the floor. She doesn't resist when one of his hands makes its way to her hair. Suddenly, her feet are lifted from the floor, her body floating and turning until it's horizontal, being supported entirely by Beetlejuice's body.

She doesn't know what else to do aside from bury her face in his chest, the disgust morphing into something similar to comfort as the rumble of his gruff voice vibrates through him and into her ears. She closes her eyes with a shuddering breath.

"I got ya babes"

A concept. Another character injects Beetlejuice with his own truth serum.

Beetlejuice: *to Lydia* I've been worried sick about you since that day in the attic when you told me you wanted to get into the afterlife! I caused ninety percent of those hauntings for your show so it would be a success and you'd have another reason to keep on living! I've never been held by a woman and I fantasize all the time about falling asleep in your arms! I dream about drowning in the darkness of your eyes! I love you more than Edgar Allen Poe loved Lenore and I'd let that fucking raven peck out both my eyeballs if it would make you smile! Lydia: O.O Astrid: O.O Delia: O.O Everyone within a fifty mile radius: O.O Beetlejuice: Shit. Did all of that just come out of my mouth?

Beetlejuice's Backstory and the Black Plague 💚🕷️🥀💀 PART 1

I went and watched the new Beetlejuice movie twice already, can’t wait to share my thoughts! I’ve decided to make a series of posts mainly dedicated to people that are curious about the Black Plague era and BJ's past life. Join me for a historical dive that might make you appreciate Tim Burton’s work even more!

Warning: This post contains SPOILERS for the 2024 movie Beetlejuice Beetlejuice.

Premise

In European countries, we often study the Black Plague in schools. In Italy specifically, the disease spread multiple times throughout the Middle Ages, with the two worst pandemics occurring around 1350 and 1630. The first one alone spread in many countries and caused a total of 20 million deaths - a THIRD of the population of the whole European continent at the time.

However, the 1630 outbreak is the one we know about the most, thanks to author Alessandro Manzoni (1785-1873), who described it meticulously in his masterpiece, ‘I promessi sposi' (The Betrothed): This book is one of the most important works in Italian literature. Although it is a novel, it is often treated as historical evidence because Manzoni actually shaped the story referring to archival documents and chronicles of the time.

Introducing: Monatti, the corpse carriers

In his book, Manzoni recalls a group of people called 'monatti' - the only ones allowed to practice public services such as collecting the dead and washing roads during those hellish times. This concession was motivated by the fact that monatti were considered immune to the disease.

However, they were feared and hated by the rest of the population, because they often misused their ‘privileged’ position: they were untouchable. They often extorted money from the living and stole the belongings of the dead and the sick alike, without repercussions. What made them special was the fact that monatti typically gained immunity after surviving the disease themselves.

“Farewell to Cecilia,” one of the most heart-wrenching moments in Manzoni’s novel, beautifully captured by Francesco Gonin.

In fact, the Black Plague typically spread in three ways: through skin contact (bubonic plague), lungs (pneumonic plague) or blood infection (septicemic plague). The Bubonic form was, and still is, the most common and had the highest survival rate, though it was still quite low. It was easily identifiable because it caused the lymph nodes to swell and become infected, forming characteristic 'buboes'.

It was believed that if a plague victim survived five days, the fever would subside, and they would recover within two weeks. This is what usually happened to the monatti. Similarly, Renzo, the protagonist in Manzoni’s book, recovers, though he never becomes a public worker.

Now, let’s dive back into Beetlejuice’s backstory.

Amidst the eerie glow of moonlight, he's depicted among corpses, at night, behind a wagon, stealing from the dead that were just thrown into a communal pit by plague doctors.

Notice how he’s directly touching the bodies with his bare hands, without any protection: usually, that was considered a death sentence.

In Manzoni’s book, there is a character that meets their end in a similar way, simply by touching the clothes of an infected person. During that era, the danger was so great that people used to burn the bodies of the plague victims along with their clothes, beds, and other possessions.

It is also worth mentioning that, during plague outbreaks, some city governments (particularly in Italy and Poland) imposed strict limitations on the movement of people and goods. In some areas, a nighttime curfew was also enforced (Yes, we invented the lockdown centuries ago!). Under those circumstances, being caught outside your own house at the wrong hour could mean instant death. But guess who had the freedom to roam as they pleased? Yes, monatti and plague doctors (and those with special permits).

Conclusion: Beetlejuice wasn’t just 'a humble grave robber', as he claims. He was definitely a plague survivor and, most likely, a monatto.

The fact that this scene was unveiled and narrated in Italian during the Venice Film Festival further convinces me that this is the correct interpretation of the sequence.

So, what do we think? Have you ever heard or read about The Betrothed before? Anyways, if you liked this analysis, make sure to check out PART 2 (coming soon), in which we can delve even deeper into Beetlejuice’s mysterious past!

Until then, have a fantastic week! ✨

Something told me yall would like this

Sleepy deer man

No angst today, just a pathetic TV

wolverine is absolutely not hip with the kids inspired by this post

their trend !! ❤️💛

The funniest shit about asexuals is that all of us grew up consuming media that talks on and on about sexual attract and desire, with a pretty hypersexualized culture and people talk about it a fucking lot too. And what is that we all collectively think? "Yeah, that's clearly an exaggeration, nobody actually feels like that! The whole world it's pretending, that's the only possible explanation..." Like sure buddy, that's a very logical way of thinking, the entire world is acting, don't think too hard about it

Hi, sorry I'm not dead but I just thought of something

Alastor in the Housewife Vox AU wears his wedding ring on his left antler on top of his head, and NOT his hands, bc he spends quite a bit of time using his hands to claw and rip into assorted viscera and that would both make his ring dirty and have the potential of losing it inside someone. Anywhere else is unsanitary, and also, it'd be an insult to Vox to treat his ring in such a manner. (The ring is infused with his magic to grow in size when he does, as well).

Vox, however, is a businessman - so he wears his ring on his ring finger because it looks both Trustworthy and Professional (for some reason being married makes sinners forget that they're all in hell for a reason, and it makes it that much easier to have a monopoly on media and technology in the Pride Ring). People are much more likely to listen to and sell their soul to a married man, so he uses that to his advantage.

The discrepancy in how each of them wears their rings has caused some confusion in the past, as they see the wedding ring on Vox but not a matching on on Alastor’s hand - and so they think either Alastor refuses to wear one, has taken his off to cheat (Ridiculous!), or that Vox is ACTUALLY married to someone else and Alastor is a homewrecker. Alastor quite enjoys proving anyone who questions his or Vox's loyalty wrong (not that they live long enough to regret such assumptions).

I don't use twitter but imagine someone makes a human Au out of this

An online stalker Alastor and a barely online star Vox