Thesecretestofsimps - SimpLeader - Tumblr Blog

The rat man returns..... Looking unfortunately as pretty as ever

Still can't get over the fact that sskk spend time thinking about how the other dresses

they literally are that one meme.

LOOK AT MY TINY BEAUTIFUL BOY THANK YOU @lacunazai

KITTY COMISSIONS ARE OFFICIALLY OPEN!!

I genuinely don't know how these are actually gonna go and I haven't. opened commissions before. BUUT there was enough yes'es and maybes for me to try it out!! the text above has a link to the carrd about (hopefully) everything you need to know. any other questions you can just send me a dm :)

please boost if you see this btw ok ily im very nervous

Look what you made me do

Dazai told Kunikida as much as he was able to.Which was very little.And yet even that made Dazai reach for the bottle.

He hadn’t drank in front of Kunikida.After the conversation they had,it would’ve felt disrespectful to.So he waited for Kunikida to retire to his dorm for the night.And then Dazai went to the cafe and ordered 3 glasses of saké in a row.

He didn’t wanna get hammered,but just mildly buzzed.Just to get his mind in that state where it could make observations but never properly elaborate on them.

Because coming to definitive conclusions about Chuuya Nakahara was pointless now.A thought exercise that always lead and will always lead to a dead end.

For all he knew,his ex partner could be dead.Mori wasn’t above much and if corruption was the only card-

He shook his head and ordered another glass.Chuuya was fine.Hell,Chuuya was probably great.Maybe a little sad over him still,but breathing and living just fine.

Yeah,for sure.That was that,end of discussion.End of thought.

Besides,Dazai had his own issues right now.

Were all his relationships screwed?He tried his best with Doppo,he truly had.Only one suicide attempt per week,any thought of Chuuya squashed before it could leave his mouth and affection given freely and with seemingly no effort.

He even tried taking off his bandages at one point when they were celebrating their anniversary in Kunikida’s apartment.Granted,he chickened out but still,the attempt was there.

Was he cursed?Had Chuuya cursed him by being the first man he ever loved?Was it even really a curse if it had been completely unintentional ?

It was a future of one night stands and dating apps for him,wasn’t it?A process depleted of all romance or pomp or intrigue.Boredom.

Unless he matched with a secret axe murderer or something.That could be fun.

Stupid Chuuya,not even letting him get the double suicide he wanted for so long.

“You’re my best friend ‘Samu.I wouldn’t want you to be alone.”

Dazai groaned.What was he even mad at Chuuya for?Not like either of them wanted this.Chuuya would’ve gone with him if only Dazai had asked.But he didn’t.

His own fault as many things were.Such as not telling Chuuya that he loved him before he left.Maybe that was the root of it all.The lack of closure.

If only he could see Chuuya one last time,things would be better and Chuuya Nakahara would be out of his head.

-

He probably shouldn’t have been drunk when he felt like vomiting.That was a recipe for disaster.

Well,Chuuya was already living a disaster.In the grand scheme, one small bad thing would hardly be felt in the midst of shit that just came down on him.

The first thing he did once he had found out is run down the stairs and drag Kōyo out of the room.He borderline begged her to take it back,to check again.But she refused.

Said that it’s what his father would’ve wanted.And even if it hadn’t been he couldn’t run away from responsibility.

And unfortunately,she was completely right…Bad habit of hers.

He tried to separate from the mafia once and all he had to show for it was the barely drunk bottle of poison wine and Ousei’s corpse.

Besides…This was his family.He already told Ahrahabaki he wouldn’t leave.And he wasn’t gonna back down on that.

And if he wasn’t gonna leave he’d have to be boss.

He was a fraud.He was too young for this.He couldn’t even legally drink yet.At least his father had a fully developed brain when he took over,Chuuya couldn’t even claim that much.

He was gonna crash and burn…

He took the scarf out of the backpack he brought with him.He couldn’t wear that thing yet.

It might choke him for trying.

He rubbed his forehead.How many shots had he had again?

The vomit climbed up his throat and he threw up into the toilet bowl.

So definitely more than three…

“Uhm…Sir,you’ve been in there for ten minutes…”came the waitress’s voice from the other side

Reluctantly Chuuya got off the floor and after checking for any vomit drops,shoved the scarf back into his bag,walking out.

At least that poor girl wasn’t gonna have to clean after him.

“Sorry miss.Rough day.”he said,faced with her concerned look. “That’s alright,just…We have other customers,ya know?”

And true enough,just as she finished that thought,a person rushed into the bathroom.

“Noted…”

She smiled sweetly.

“Would you like some water?” “Yes please.”Chuuya said walking over to his seat

He glanced at the men seated next to him,dully noticing that he was still just as slumped over as he had been when Chuuya walked into the bathroom.He was lanky,brown hair messy atop his head and wore a long beige trenchcoat.

Chuuya considered taking him home for a moment,but thought better of it.The guy was probably going through something and if anyone was gonna be a miserable piece of shit here,it was gonna be him.

“Your water,sir.” “Thank you.”

He really needs to sober up.If Rūynosuke finds out he’d been drinking again he wasn’t going to hear the end of it.

“Can I get one more?”the man beside him mumbled 

Chuuya almost choked on his water.He must be more drunk than he thought,because that sounded exactly like-

“This is your fifth glass Mr Dazai…” “Don’t worry darling,just some annoying dog that won’t get out of my head.”

The waitress sighed in exasperation as Chuuya’s reality crashed on top of him.

He turned to look at the man again,just to be sure.He really hated just how well he remembered Dazai’s face.If he had a shitty memory maybe he could convince himself he wasn’t looking at his ex partner right now.

-

“And can that dog of yours pay off your tab?” “Uhh…Can we talk about that-“ “I’ll pay for him.”

Dazai ignored how the voice sounded like Chuuya.He knew not to trust his ears while drunk.Especially while thinking of the hatrack.

“Are you sure?” “Absolutely.”

Tsuneko(yes,he did know her actual name and decided not to use it,sue him) simply shrugged,taking the absurd amount of money and moving on,as Dazai directed his eyes to his savior.

Truly there were no kinder souls than those that saved you from an awkward moment.

“Thank-“

The words dried on his tongue at the sight before him.Chuuya Nakahara,hatless,draped in Abatross’s jacket and dressed in a sloppily put on suit,chest heaving and blue eyes nothing short of murderously manic.

He had gone mad.He must’ve …What the hell was in those drinks?

Before Dazai could dwell much farther on no longer possessing any sanity,Chuuya got up and Dazai felt a sharp jab in his shoulder.

The distinct sensation of getting elbowed by Chuuya.

“Watch where you drink next time,mackerel .”

That confirmed it,but before Dazai could pursue him the door had already been slammed shut.He jumped off his seat and ran out into the street ready to scream after Chuuya until he finally got his attention but-

Chuuya was gone.Gone as if he hadn’t been there at all…

Maybe he really should cut back on the drinks…

-

“It’s like you’re trying to disrespect me…”Ahrahabaki grumbled

Chuuya ignored him.Partly intentionally,partly because he just had other things on his mind.

“I mean another puny mortal in your bed?Inside your body!?Which I share!I should’ve been consulted!I’m a god,if it wasn’t for …Chuuya?”

Chuuya aggressively wiped the tears from his eyes.It really was nothing to cry about.If anything it was kinda funny.

All of it was for nothing.The murder of that whole gang,exposing what happened to Oda,getting fired…

There was no point in any of it…

No point because this whole time Dazai was alive and well…

He laughed but it sounded wobbly and uncomfortable.

He killed his father because of Dazai…Because the bastard lied.If he took Chuuya with him none of this would have happened.

And what was he doing while Chuuya was grieving him,ruining himself?Flirting with anything that had a pulse and a pretty face,of course.

Another weak laugh.

“Oh…Right.That brat is alive…What a shame,I quite hoped his troublesome ability would be put down.”

The god sighed,sitting down next to Chuuya and wrapping one of his wings around him.

Chuuya pushed against it,but Ahrahabaki wouldn’t budge one bit.

“Stop it.” “If you’re gonna debase yourself by crying at least keep it out of my sight.” “I wasn’t crying!” “Chuuya,I’m not blind.Now shut up and do as I tell you,lest you be smited immediately.”

Even though it was an empty threat,Chuuya didn’t fight.He was too tired and the feathers were surprisingly warm.Instead,he stared at his hands.

He was stuck now.Irreversibly stuck,all because of Dazai…

He could’ve brought Chuuya with him.He could’ve grabbed him and ran.But he decided to not to.

Because Chuuya’s blood was Port mafia black.

Fine then.If Chuuya wasn’t good enough for the light he didn’t want it.

He didn’t need it and he didn’t need Dazai.

He didn’t need Mori.

He didn’t need anybody.

He was one of the most powerful ability users this generation has ever seen.And he was choosing to hold back?

For fucking what?

“Hey,birdbrains?” “For your good I’d retract that at once.” “Whatever…You said that now you could show me how to use corruption safely?”

Ahrahabaki’s lips pressed and his brows furrowed.

“First…There’s nothing corrupt about our power,Chuuya.Destruction is as natural as growth.Planets collide,entire star systems implode,asteroids hurl into unsuspecting celestial bodies…And all of their own accord.That too is nature.The fact you humans don’t see that is-“ “Indicative of our deep inferiority to you,I get it.Listen…It’s our power and I’m tired of being afraid of it.So can you help me finally use it for myself or not?”

It was his power.It should’ve been his from day one…But it was Mori’s to use,Dazai’s to stop.And he wasn’t going to allow that any more.

The two stared at one another for a moment,before Ahrahabaki crossed his arms.

“You ought to be muzzled for such disrespect…But very well,I see your determination,little lamb.If you want to become a wolf so be it.”

He took his gloves off,offering the god his hand.

“So be it.”

~

Next morning was not much better.He had a hangover migraine,found out that they were deep in debt due to someone called Shuji Tsushima(and Ace’s gambling,but Chuuya wasn’t about to isolate an executive by bringing that up the first day on the job) and cherry on top people began poking around Mori’s office.

The second cherry was how much his shoulder hurt from the brand Ahrahabaki placed on it last night.

Despite all that, Chuuya was calm.Not happy per se but there was a sense of determination coursing through him now.

He had a plan.A very simple plan.

He had asked Kōyo rather early in the morning for keys to the Port Mafia cells.

She had hesitantly given it to him,despite Chuuya’s assurances that he’d be fine.

He’d quickly realized why she warned him when he opened the doors to the hallway.Hostages,in various states of injury all stared at him as one.

Chuuya only really properly registered the men on either side of him.

The one on his left had all off his fingers sawed off,teeth badly grounded from stress and hair gone balding and prematurely gray.

The one on his right had only his canines left and face bruised beyond recognition 

The clean cut of the finger bones and the almost undamaged gums spoke of a torturer who was slow and methodical.He briefly wondered what Dazai’s friends in the light would think of his handiwork.

That thought wasn’t given much time to entertain Chuuya before he heard a remark from one of the prisoners.

“Come to taunt us with food,have you mutt?” “Maybe it came here to curl up and die after its owner left.” “Finally grown tired of sitting at Daddy’s side have you pretty boy?”

They all laughed and Chuuya waited it out,eyes shut tight.

This was fine,humiliation was to be expected.He made a mistake making a huge spectacle of grieving Dazai.Now was time to remedy that.

He smiled and chuckled as he ran a hand through his hair.

“Laugh it up,gentleman.It’s funny,so go right on ahead.Bet it’s only enjoyment you get in your sad little life,so embrace it I say.” “What the hell did you say!?”the man on his right rasped

Chuuya turned to him and shrugged.

“Oh,right.I forget,some people are really slow.Let me repeat that.My humiliation is probably the only enjoyable thing in this slog of life you have.Enjoy it while you can,old fart.”Chuuya said digging around in his pocket with this free hand

The man glared at Chuuya,throwing himself against the bars.

“Who do you-“

The bullet went through his head and returned into Chuuya’s hand before the body could even slump to the floor.Chuuya rubbed it against his pants casually before putting it back into his pocket.

“Anyone else wanna call me a mutt?” “…” “Didn’t think so.Now,make yourselves useful and answer me a question.”

He turned on his heel.

“Is Yumeno Kyūsaku still alive?”

~

“You know you’re not the first person to try killing me with poison,right Chuuya?” “For the fifth time it’s not poison,kid.”

Yumeno kicked the bag of spring rolls in place of a response.Chuuya looked him up and down.The kid was beyond skinny,barely more than a skeleton and he had the pride to refuse food?

“If it’s a bribe from your dad,I don’t want it.I’m not gonna work him ever again.Never ever.” “You won’t have to.He’s dead now.You’d be working for me.”

Yumeno’s eyes,which had been slightly cloudy up until that point,went wide and clear at that.

“What!?” “He threw himself out the window.” “…What do you need me for?Aren’t you and Dazai the famous Two dark or whatever?” “Double Black.And Dazai’s dead too,so-“ “Dazai is dead!?”

That scream had been full of despair,Yumeno’s nails digging into the flesh of his palm till it bled.

“Has been for the past two years now.”

As good as,anyway.

Yumeno only stared in disbelief,slumping against the bars.

“It’s not fair…I didn’t even get my-“ “Revenge on him?You and me both, kid.But catch up isn’t exactly what I’m here for.”

Yumeno hissed.

“So you want me to do your bidding and then you’ll throw me back in again?Is that it?I’ll rip your throat out before that happens!I’ll make you claw out your eyeballs-“ “Is that suppose to scare me?”

He paused and glared indignantly at Chuuya,who only returned the look back.

“Look,Yumeno,maybe you’ve forgotten but while Dazai was the brains of our operation I’m the one who made sure his dumb ass didn’t get killed.Whatever you think you can do to me and threaten me with,you’re mistaken about.”

He pulled the bullet out of his pocket.

“See this ?” “Is that-“ “A bullet.And there’s no gun so don’t even try it.” “…” “I put this through a man’s skull without even having to touch him.So ask yourself,how do you think it’ll go for you if you try to use your ability on me when I let you out?”

The kid still glared but it seemed he had the good sense to move out of Chuuya’s touching distance.

“Fine…What do you want?” “What I need you for really isn’t the point.The point is that I won’t toss you back in.”

Yumeno laughed hysterically.

“Do you know how many times I’ve heard your father say that?How many times I’ve heard Dazai say it?And both times they were nothing but lying little liars.I’m not-“ “Give me one of your razor blades.”

Q blinked at him.

“Why?” “I wanna prove to you that I’m telling the truth.”

After a couple moments of weary staring,Yumeno obliged.With a yelp and a whimper,he ripped it out and handed it to Chuuya.

Gritting his teeth,Chuuya cut into the palm of his own hand.

“Let’s shake on it,shall we?”

Yumeno obliged,bloody hand clasping bloody hand.

01. CRUEL BEYOND MY YEARS . . . you do the impossibleー you make dazai feel. that's why you're his, even if neither of you know it yet.

ft. pm!dazai + pm!reader, possessive behavior, descriptions of depression, oda, ango, and chuuya are there too, 2.4k w.c.

SERIES MASTERLIST

Dazai knows he’s supposed to be in a meeting right now.

He yawns, hands behind his head in a makeshift pillow, overgrown legs hanging off the arm of the couch as he stretches out. The heels of his shoes graze his jacket, haphazardly tossed aside when he first came into his office and laid down.

Even with the sleep mask covering his face, blocking out the sun that pools into the top floors of the Port Mafia’s Headquarters, he knows it’s you who’s approaching his door.

He fights back a smile, something he rarely has the opportunity to do. He keeps his breathing steady and deep as he hears the familiar rhythm of your knuckles against his office door, knocking in a code. You both came up with it when you were younger, freshly sixteen against the hollow walls of his shipping container; your own shared secret. He hears the gentle creak of the old wood as you peek inside.

“Dazai?” he hears the soft sound of your footsteps as you come closer, then a sigh he’d recognize anywhere.  “Dazai. Take that thing off. It’s creepy.”

He remains still. He’s supposed to be asleep, after all.

“I see Mr. Executive is as busy as always,” you say sarcastically, but he can still hear the smile in your voice. You slip your thumb under the soft cotton padding of the sleep mask and slide it up his face, pushing his bangs back. The soft glide of your skin against his forehead leaves tingles in its wake, and it’s easy enough to ignore the burn of his one visible eye adjusting to the bright afternoon light when you’re hovering over him like an angel. “Don’t you want to say goodbye to me?”

A new mission. He sighs exhaustedly, as if was the one who was assigned. “How long will you be gone this time?”

“Not long, probably,” your hip presses against his as you sit on the edge of the couch. You rest your cheek on your hand, arm bridged over his stomach as your elbow props on the backrest. “Chuuya got assigned to it with me. Him and I make a good team.”

“You shouldn’t hang around him so much,” he tilts his head back. “You should be careful. He eats dog food, you know. He really is a dog, isn’t he?”

“Shut up,” you laugh, and the sound makes his heartbeat quicken without his permission. “I know that isn’t true.”

“It is!” he sits up on his elbows so he can meet your eyes, his own shimmering with mirth. “I even saw him do it. You trust me, don’t you?”

You flick his forehead, giggling as you stand back up and straighten your skirt. “You’re just jealous you don’t get to come on this mission with us.”

With us? Dazai swears he could be sick and die right there on the couch, as if there even was a ‘you and Chuuya’. The thought alone makes him nearly double over in pain. If anything, it should be him you were paired up with, and if you asked for his opinion, it was a joke that you weren’t by defaultー even if little assignments like this were below him now that he’s an executive. No one else knew you as well as he did, and no one else ever would; besides, he’d known you longer than that stupid slug. Mori's negligence on the matter makes his stomach churn and his skin prickle uncomfortably.

“Hey,” he grabs onto your jacket sleeve, where the cuffs are still a little too long and the fabric hangs over your wrists, before you can walk away. “Be careful.”

You smile at him brightly, giving him a thumbs up, but it barely fazes him. He watches you leave, gaze dark and mouth firm. Something bitter starts to crawl up his stomach, growing in his chest like thorned vines intertwining and tightening around his ribs.

When Mori first introduced you and Dazai to one another, you were both fourteen years old. The first thing he noticed when he saw you was that your clothing was too big, hanging awkwardly off your body. You’ve both grown since then, nearly identical black jackets and ties over white button-downs adorning your frames. The second thing he noticed was that you were different from him; he could tell from your eyes, bright and glistening.

He can't remember a time when he wasn’t burdened by the feeling of looking through a window, always a spectator. You were different; you had a seat at the table. Every bomb placed, every trigger pulledー you were there with him through it all, with the same fucked up feeling of adrenaline pounding through your veins, except you were attached to the world around you. You saw meaning in it somehow.

He wants to pick you apart piece by piece and study you under a microscope. He wants to understand just what it is about you that makes you so intriguing. What do you know that he doesn’t?

How are you so good at making him feel like this ?

He thinks about you on your mission, even when he tries not to. He flips through his paperwork lazily, pulling sheets from their stapled packets and folding them into origami shapes. He stares at his finger when he gets a paper cut on the edge of a report about some dispute in Kyoto, watching the blood dribble down his skin in small beads. He raids the infirmary for chemicals, slipping past the nurses and picking the lock to the medicine cabinet, pocketing bottles and extra rolls of bandages. He plays on his handheld console, sighing in frustration when his character dies again; if only it was so easy.

It's nearing the latest hours of the night when he decides to sneak into your office that he finds you again, back from your mission and chatting with Chuuya, whose arms are crossed as he leans against the edge of your desk. Dazai skims his eyes over you, noting with satisfaction that there seem to be no new visible injuries on you. He relishes in how Chuuya’s brows furrow when he sees him, and how yours rise in delight, Cheeks rounding in a smile. He throws his arms around your shoulders, your faces close enough for him to count your eyelashes as you tilt your head back to look at him.

“I hope you didn’t have too much fun without me,” he pouts, squeezing you against his chest. “Did you keep Chuuya on his leash during your mission?”

“Don’t talk about me like I'm not here, idiot.”

“Oh, there you are,” he eyes the aforementioned man lazily, as if he were a bug that landed near him. “I almost missed you because you’re so small.”

“I fell asleep right after we were done,” you giggle. “Chuuya had to carry me back.”

“Oh?” he tightens his arms. Dazai always thought you were the cutest post-mission, all sleepy and touchy; he always made sure he was around for those moments. “Did he?”

You’re talking, something else about the mission, but he doesn’t listen. Chuuya looks from you to him when he feels his gaze, eyebrow raising in a silent question. They screw up in irritation when dazai’s eyes narrow as his lips curl up into a cruel grin. He cranes his neck down, nose grazing your temple before he drags his tongue across your cheek.

“Ew, Dazai!” you try to shove him away, but he doesn’t go far, still clinging to you tightly. “What the hell? You’re so gross!”

He laughs in your ear, even as you try to pry his hands off his shoulders. You twist your hand around his wrist, tugging on it and glaring at him over your shoulder.

“Let go, Dazai.”

You’ve only ever looked at him like this when he woke you up in the middle of the night, knocking over one of your chairs after he broke into your apartment; you weren’t able to fall back asleep for hours, and when you finally woke up the next day, you realized he ate the last of the mapo tofu in your fridge.

He loosens his arms, stumbling when you shove him. The feeling of your hands pushing him away is nowhere near as warm as when you brushed his hair back earlier that day. There's no pretty, warm smile dimpling your cheeks either; just the dark wood of your office door grazing his nose, the sound of it slamming shut, and Chuuya’s annoyed glare still prickling his skin. 

His chest tightens. 

The flickering light of Bar Lupin’s sign penetrates the foggy night air, like a lighthouse calling lost ships home. Ango and Oda are already inside when Dazai arrives. A cigarette dribbles loose curls of smoke into the air as Ango cradles his glass between his palms and Oda tilts his head back to sip his whiskey. The bar’s most devoted patron hops from Dazai’s seat knowingly, landing on his little white paws as Dazai sits down on the stool with a huff.

He rests his chin against his forearm, sighing into his elbow as the bartender places his usual in front of him wordlessly. The two older men look at the pouty pile of messy hair between them. Oda knows he’s waiting for one of them to ask, so he does. 

“Did something happen today, Dazai?”

“Yes,” he bounces the sphere of ice against the bottom of the glass, feeling his fingertip go numb. “She’s mad at me.”

“What did you do now?” Ango eyes him wearily from behind his glasses.

“How rude,” he says flatly, his voice sounding hollow without his usual playfulness. “Immediately assuming I’m at fault.”

“Aren’t you always?” he sighs into the rim of his glass, taking a long sip.

They both wait in silence before Dazai shoots up in his seat, his stool spinning slightly.

“How can that stupid slug touch what’s mine?”

“'Yours’?” Ango asks, a thin eyebrow raised. “People don’t own other people.”

“I didn't know you two were dating,” Oda says.

“We’re not,” Dazai sags back down, folding his arms and laying his head down so his eyes are level with his glass again. “That's gross.”

“You’re not?” Oda repeats. “…Then why are you upset?”

He feels the bandages around his eyes loosen as he turns his head away, squishing his cheek into his elbow. The cat licks his paws across the bar, before reaching up and rubbing his little face. He catches dazai’s gaze, looking at him with round, unblinking eyes.

His chest tightens again.

The sun is rising, melting the black of the night sky to gold when Dazai arrives at your apartment. His hand freezes inside his pocket, fingers wrapped around his lock pick, glancing back to your door. He lets it go and knocks instead, beating his knuckles against the wood in your secret code.

You’re in your pajamas when you open the door, and he notices the bruise on your leg that was hidden under your work uniform. He looks at you like a lost puppy; ears down, eyes big, with his nonexistent tail between his legs.

“Hey,” your eyes dart along his body, and he knows you’re scanning him for injuries too. “You okay?”

He doesn’t reply, and you let him meekly slip past you into your apartment. Your blanket is pooled on the floor from where you were sitting at your coffee table, chopsticks and a bowl of stir fry waiting for you; the schedule of a mafiosa has your circadian rhythm flipped, eating dinner as the sun rises.

“Did you eat anything yet?” you ask him, sitting back on the ground.

His big brown eyes blink down at you in a silent answer.

You open the side of your blanket expectantly, scooting over to make space for him. You nudge your food between the two of you when he sits beside you. His stomach flutters as he thinks about you feeding him from your chopsticks, a hand cupped under his chin, your soft thumb brushing his lips as you wipe them clean. He ignores it, plucking a shrimp out of your bowl with his fingers instead.

“You can have the rest,” you bundle the blanket a little tighter around your shoulders, sighing softly as you lay your head down on his shoulder. “I made extra. I knew you’d come over.”

“You did?”

“Mhm,” you rub your thumb along the edge of his bandages where his palm and wrist meet absentmindedly. “I know you.”

You do, scarily so. You like your stir fry spicy, but you kept it mild for him. because you knew he’d come over. Because you knew he wouldn’t have eaten otherwise. Because he only ever gets a home-cooked meal when you make one for him.

“‘m sorry,” he mumbles, voice barely audible.

You tilt your head up and look at him, eyes heavy. He holds his breath as you lift your hand and cup his cheek, tracing the dark circle under his one visible eye with the pad of your thumb.

“Let’s go to bed,” your voice is soft in the way it always is when you’re tired. “We can still sleep a little before we have to go back to headquarters.”

He knows every inch of your apartment, but he still lets you guide him into the dark of your room, and he’s suddenly surrounded by everything that is so quintessentially you. He has it all committed to memory: the title of the book on your nightstand you swear you’ll finish, the delicate splay of jewelry on your dresser, the pajama shorts hanging over the side of your hamper in the corner.

You practically collapse, falling into your bed and splaying your limbs with a happy sigh while he carefully lies down, staring at the ceiling and keeping his hands to himself. It's after a few quiet moments when he feels something warm against him, and when he turns to look at you, his breath catches in his throat.

You’re so much closer to him than anyone else would ever dare to be. You curl towards him even in your sleep, like a sunflower growing towards the sun. Your arm reaches towards his, fingers loosely clinging to his sleeve, as if you wanted to keep him anchored to the bed with you. He could almost make himself believe you really wanted him there.

He watches the daylight fall over your face, just as delicate as the sheet you draped over your body, still thin enough to show off the contour of your legs. You look so relaxed, cheeks full of color with the shadow of your lashes resting against them.

You looked so alive. So human.

His chest tightens.

I can listen to him talk all day

welt discovers something new

I really need a fucking break, or a gun

Dazai’s hands send post-

Thinking about Tachihara deciding to stay with the Mafia after everything's over.

Thinking about the government refusing to give him his next monthly surgery since he's no longer a Hunting Dog.

Thinking about him accepting and coming to terms with the fact that he's going to die, and even saying his goodbyes to his friends in the mafia.

Thinking about Hirotsu, Gin, Higuchi, Kouyou, Chuuya, all refusing to let him die like this, and scrambling to find a way to save him.

Thinking about Chuuya and Kouyou threatening the hospitals to give him the surgeries, and Gin and Higuchi sneaking around to find something that could help.

And then it hits them. The solution, which now seems so obvious in hindsight.

Thinking about Chuuya on the phone with the Detective Agency, and of course it's Dazai who picks up the other end.

Thinking about him sitting in the office, head in his hands, as he hears Chuuya asking him to let Yosano go to the Mafia base for a while.

Thinking about Dazai, out of genuine concern for her, refusing to let her go back to the Port Mafia.

Thinking about Yosano being out the door before Dazai even puts the phone down, because it's Michizō Tachihara. This is Shunzen's younger brother, of course she has to help him.

Thinking about Yosano, when she arrives at the PM base, not having to hurt him even a little bit to use her ability, because he's already that far gone, that broken.

Thinking about her sitting by his side, wondering if when he wakes up he's going to hate her for using the same ability on him that killed his brother.

But when Tachihara wakes up, all he can say to the doctor is "thank you," because he genuinely means it. Because of Yosano's ability, he's healed completely. He has no commitment to the Hunting dogs now.

(If i end this with "he's free" is that cringe?)

Yeah it’s bizarre the Port Mafia is ran by a Doctor, albeit an underground one and the Agency by a former assassin. But I find it so much funnier to recall that Mori served in the military while Fukuzawa was off committing war crimes.

Please,please,don’t prove I’m right

“Are you sure this is wise?”Akutagawa asked tossing Chuuya his motorcycle helmet “If you wanted to go with Dazai,you should’ve piped up before I left.” “I don’t ask for Dazai’s benefit,I ask for yours.”

Chuuya chuckled,leaning on the bike.

“Do you doubt my abilities?” “You’ve only used it in combat by yourself twice before.And both times you were bedridden for almost a week.” “…That is true.” “And Dazai’s our enemy now.If he feels it more beneficial to let you die…Despite Fukuzawa’s orders,he’ll surely do so.”

Chuuya sighed.He couldn’t say he didn’t consider that.A lot has changed between them after all.Dazai no longer had any affection or obligation towards him,he’d hardly feel the need.

And Ahrahabaki,try as they both might,still drained a lot out of him with corruption.Chuuya was in control of it now,much more precise then before but that only meant he felt the pain the whole time.Granted,being exhausted but conscious enough to get into a cab by yourself was a big improvement over passing out immediately,but still.

“Dazai values his new life far too much to risk it over something so petty.”he said,decisively “Still…Perhaps I should come with you.” “No.I made a deal and you don’t change those last minute.You wait here and hold the fort.”

Akutagawa frowned but nodded.Chuuya gestured for him to come over and wrapped one arm around him,Akutagawa’s arm coming to do much the same though a tad more stiffly.

“If I don’t come back you know where to find my will.” “…Right.Good luck,boss.” “Hopefully I won’t need it.”

~

“And on the bike too?Do you do that for all the guys or am I just special?” “Especially annoying,more like.”Chuuya said, tossing Dazai the helmet as he parked in front of the Agency building  “Still the only one you have?” “What are you gonna do detective?Bitch at me about traffic laws?”

They held eye contact and for a moment Chuuya thought Dazai might actually scold him.

But he didn’t,simply shrugging and putting the helmet on

“I don’t care about laws which don’t apply to me.Step on it,boss.”he said,throwing his leg over the bike’s side and wrapping his arms around Chuuya’s waist.

Chuuya obliged,stepping on the gas,using one of his hands to grab Dazai’s shoulder.

“Try jumping off and I’ll bring you back just to kill you again.”

Dazai simply tightened his hold on Chuuya in response.

“A verbal response would’ve been just as good.” “Yeah,but I’m a liar so would you have really believed me?” “Touché.” “Don’t you mean-“ “I know what I meant and don’t you dare try to correct me,because if you try I will cut your tongue out for insulting the French language as a whole.”

“Jeez…If you liked France so much,maybe you should’ve stayed there.”

It was rare that Chuuya agreed with Dazai.But he’d give him that one.

“Then Yumeno would still be in a cell.” “Exactly,win win for everyone.”

Chuuya might’ve made a bit too sudden of a swerve at that,causing Dazai to cling to him for dear life.

“What the hell were you thinking!You could’ve gotten us both killed!” “Sorry,Dazai-san,slip of the hand.”

Dazai grumbled but seemingly knew better than to continue an argument when Chuuya was the one making sure they didn’t crash.

“So,detective,what’s the plan?” “Operation Pufferfish and Bull.” “Are we using the explosion as a distraction or in a more offensive manner?” “Distraction.Those two survived getting hit by a truck.I’d rather not take my chances with anything long range.Besides,it’ll be easier to get Q out that way.And the easier that goes,the faster I get out of your presence.” “For once we’re in agreement,Dazai-san.However…Do you really think that close range would be much better?”

He didn’t need to turn to know the smug smirk that now surely played on Dazai’s lips.

“No matter how powerful the ability,mine can nullify it.Didn’t we learn that a long time ago, slug?”

Chuuya bit his own lower lip in response,tamping down a smug smile of his own.

“Something funny?” “Oh,you’ll see.I’d hate to ruin it.”

He was gonna see Dazai get smacked by a giant octopus and for free at that.

“You still like calamari,right?” “Yeah.”

There was a pause and he could feel Dazai’s eyes narrow at him in suspicion.Surprise,surprise,the bastard who messes with people   can tell when you mess with him.

“Why?” “No reason.”

~

The premise of the Pufferfish and Bull strategy was rather simple.

Him and Dazai would split up,with Chuuya taking one of the enemies down from high up in whichever manner he saw fit.Once he’s done with that,Dazai will set off a bomb he planted earlier which will set the person pursuing him in the wrong direction.

Silmutaneously,it will serve as a signal to Chuuya to go in the direction opposite the sound of the bomb where Dazai will be able to pick him up,driving them in the direction they needed to go on Chuuya’s motorcycle.

Use to be one of Chuuya’s favourite strategies.

Keyword being use to be because only someone with a crush on Dazai would ever find the man’s utter inability to balance a motorcycle cute or endearing in any way.

Chuuya adjusted his former partner’s posture a bit lower,finally allowing Dazai to keep the bike straight.

“If you dent this bike you will get-“ “A new dent on my skull for every dent I make,mark your words.I know.”Dazai finished

Chuuya glared at him,but he wasn’t really sure why.He should probably be grateful that he didn’t have to waste his breath on explaining such a simple concept,yet…

There was something in this that made the shiver refuse to go down his spine.Instead it just…lingered,unresolved.

Maybe it was how quick Dazai was to parrot Chuuya’s words.As if they were last heard a few hours ago instead of four years. 

It also didn’t help matters that under the tree dimmed moonlight Dazai’s beige coat could almost be mistaken for black.

It was an oddly surreal situation,like walking in on a memory .He was half expecting to feel a literal rug being pulled out from under him,as if it were all some sick joke.

He turned on his heel,ignoring the twisting in his chest .

“Chuuya,one more thing.” “Hmm?” “Don’t fuck it up or I’ll haunt you from beyond the grave.” “…Not if I do it first.”he said,before activating his ability 

~

“When were you planning to tell me that the tentacles weren’t an ability !?”Dazai asked/screamed over the sound of the motorcycle  driving at top speed “Slow down!You’re driving over the roots,dipshit!” “Relax,the kid’s probably unconscious.Even if you let go of me,you’ll be fine.Now back to the important-“

Chuuya turned Dazai’s head back towards the road.

“Eventually!Eyes on the road!”

Surprisingly,Dazai managed to avoid the tree not just entirely but smoothly,performing a perfect donut inches away from the small cabin like house’s entrance as Chuuya screamed on the top of his lungs.

“Oh my God…”Dazai muttered,almost in awe “Yeah,oh my God,you nearly killed us!” “No,I mean…You still scream like a little girl.” “Why you-“

Before the insult could leave Chuuya’s mouth,they were interrupted by the sound of trees falling.Lovecraft realized the trick and he was advancing on them quick.

“Wanna finish that thought?” “…Some other day.Take out the keys.”

Dazai obliged and the two stood silent as they dismounted and Chuuya kicked the door open.

Except,of course,a silent Dazai never remained too long.

“So,what do you plan to do about the octopus back there?” “What do you think I’ll do?”

He expected Dazai to throw out a crazy idea,just for shits and giggles but no such luck.

“Corruption?”he asked,low,uncomfortable and uncertain 

Chuuya nodded.

“I’ll try to stay close by then.We don’t know for how much time you can handle it.Best we don’t risk it.”

A part of him wanted to appreciate that he didn’t have to ask.That Dazai said he’d have his back with essentially with no prompting.The other part of him wasn’t quite so pleased by it.

Because he loathed the assumption,the ego that it took to jump to conclusions.To think that Chuuya was unable to solve his own ability in four years time and that he still needed Dazai.

However,he decided to be civil.

“That won’t be necessary.Well,per say.”he amended awkwardly 

Politely,hopefully,was how it sounded to any ears that weren’t his own.

“Huh?” “Let me put it for you this way,Dazai.You’re insurance.”

A silent beat and a laugh.

Chuuya scowled,staring at Dazai’s back.He took up that particular position,just in case Dazai got any smart ideas and decided to be a bit more direct with putting Yumeno out of his misery.

How he didn’t always loathe Dazai’s laugh was beyond him now.It was hollow and unpleasantly flat.Love truly did make people dumb and deaf,it seemed.

“Don’t be ridiculous,Chuuya.Maybe you used it a little,but that doesn’t mean-“ “I used it in combat twice.And I still stand before you,don’t I?”Chuuya bit

Dazai turned to him and Chuuya flinched.The corpse glare.

Flat,black and lifeless…Just like Chuuya remembered it.Dazai grimaced,though Chuuya suspected it was supposed to be a smile.

“Then tell me,boss,why exactly am I here?” “I told you,Dazai-san,insurance.Just in case.”

Dazai rolled his eyes,picking the lock without even looking at it much.He swung the door open and turned heel,with a shrug.

“Whatever you say,Nakahara-san.”

Chuuya tsked,following closely behind.

They walked into the room and there Yumeno was,unconscious and hung up by vines.Chuuya held back the urge to yelp.However much pain they put him trough,it must’ve made the razor blades look like nothing in comparison.

He went over to touch the side of the boy’s neck.It was faint,but…his heart still seemed to be beating.

Chuuya breathed a sigh of relief.

“You know Chuuya,from a certain angle…This is kinda your fault.”Dazai remarked casually,throwing- “Is that my knife!?” “Possibly.”

He didn’t pay Chuuya’s glare any mind as he walked past him and held the knife up right over Yumeno’s face.

Chuuya pulled out his father’s scalpel,the blade of it ending up at Dazai’s throat.Not close enough to press,but close enough that it would only take a moment to slash the brunette’s throat.

Dazai simply swung the knife into the branches as if nothing happened.

Chuuya blinked,stunned.He sheathed the scalpel back in and watched Dazai work at the wood in silence.

“Thought I was gonna stab him?” “Only an idiot would put much past the Demon prodigy.” “Former.” “…Right.”

The sound of the stabs was blunt as Dazai freed Yumeno’s hand.

“As I said,this is kinda on you.If you didn’t let him out to spite me,none of this would’ve happened.” “Yeah,well me from two years ago didn’t even know the Guild existed.”

Dazai’s hand stilled briefly,before he continued,now freeing Q’s left leg.

“What?” “I let him out two years ago.” “…For all you changed,seems at least your sentimentality remains perfectly intact.” “Sentimentality!?This is basic decency!He was seven when you tossed him in there,Osamu!Seven!What did you think was gonna happen!?”

Dazai fixed him with a look that was arguably much worse than either his smug one or the corpse glare.Annoyance.

As if that concern and fact was below Dazai.As if it wasted his time to even hear it.

“Chuuya,I did what I had to.Even if he were an infant he’d still be a monster.” “Because of his ability.”

Dazai scoffed.

“So you do get it.”he said cutting Yumeno out completely.

-

He caught the brat before he could hit the floor,tossing him into Chuuya’s semi waiting arms like a human hot potato.

Chuuya adjusted the boy in his arms,carefully cradling the back of his head and holding him close.Like Q deserved it in any way.Like the kid wasn’t the world’s youngest ever sadist.

“Of course .I know what he can do.”Chuuya said,carding his hand trough the kid’s hair

What Chuuya asked him to do on that train.What Chuuya might’ve asked him to do however many times over those elusive two years.

“The only question now is…What do you make of me in that case?”

By the look in Chuuya’s eyes Dazai could tell this was more of a challenge than a genuine question.

There was a flicker there,but it was focused and precise.

Chuuya was prodding Dazai to say,what the brunette now realized,they both knew he was thinking.

After all, it was one thing to internally call someone every horrible thing you could think of,it was another to speak it.To give that thought a form,a sound,an impact.

And a part of Dazai wanted to.Especially after that insurance comment.

Was that all he was to Chuuya now?Just an asset?

Like father,like son.

He scoffed and opened his mouth to speak.But,nothing came out.Something about Chuuya standing there,hair properly red again,eyes darting to Q at the boy’s slightest shiver despite himself made the words dry up on his tongue.

“Simple,it just makes you a human.A really,really stupid human.”

Chuuya glared at him but was interrupted before he could speak.

“Boss?”

-

“Oh great…The brat woke up..”Dazai grumbled

Yumeno’s brows furrowed in confusion,his eyes still just barely open.

“Is-“ “Yeah.Dazai.Insurance.Long story.Are you in pain?”

He weakly shook his head,before pulling on Chuuya’s coat nuzzling into it.

He was cold.No wonder,his circulation was probably screwed with how long he hung there.Unfortunately there was no time to fix that problem.

He looked to Dazai who was staring up at the ceiling,waiting.

Dazai lightly shook his head.Lovecraft was way too close and they couldn’t let themselves get caught in an enclosed space.Chuuya placed Yumeno down carefully and wrapped him in his coat,giving him the sign to wait.

“We’ll be back soon,I promise.”

-

“Friend of your mind roommate’s?” “More like acquaintances.”

They were staring up at what must’ve been Lovecraft’s truest form and Dazai could only blink.

After 136 murders,312 counts of extortion and 625 cases of fraud,Dazai found not much could shake him.

“Well,I hate to admit it,Chuu,but seems you were right,there’s only one card left to play.”

He tossed Chuuya a look,expecting a brief flash of dread before it transitioned not quite so smoothly into a look of begrudging acceptance.

But no such thing happened.

Instead,Chuuya,seemingly no second thought at all,began taking off his gloves.

“Chuuya?” “What?”

He didn’t seem to find anything strange about it.

“You sure you have no other ideas?” “Nope.As you said,only one card to play.Besides,if I were you I’d worry about Steinbeck.”Chuuya said tilting his head towards the woods.

Dazai raised a brow,but turned his head,one of Steinbeck’s branches nearly going trough his face as he did so .With a sigh,he touched it before it could retract,making it dissapear .

“Seems we both have our parts to play then.”

~

“What the hell is that?” “That  is the true form of Chuuya’s gift.In his corrupted state he can even create black holes that swallow everything in their path.”Dazai said as he held the knife to Steinbeck’s throat,eyes fixed on Chuuya

It was a bad habit,he supposed.Most people would find something deeply unsettling about corruption,but Dazai was,as time had showed,not most people.

He found it was a lot like watching a storm at sea.It was deadly and he wouldn’t recommend anyone who wasn’t at least half as suicidal as him to get anywhere near it,but..The sheer power and scale of it simply took your breath away.

“Unfortunately,he isn’t in control of himself in that state,so if not stopped,he’ll just lose energy and die.”he continued lightly 

Though…For someone who wasn’t in control or registering much of the bodily pain Dazai knew Chuuya’s body was experiencing,his former partner did seem to be quite a bit more precise and careful than Dazai remembered.

“Let me put it for you this way,Dazai.You’re insurance.”

Was that true?

Surely not.More likely than not,Chuuya only tried to maintain corruption,minus actually doing anything.That sounded a lot more believable.

Just maintaining that state must’ve been a tremendous effort,without the extra exertion of a proper fight.

Chuuya still needed him.He was just being a hardass as usual.

“He seems to heal no matter what Chuuya does to him…Know why that is?”

He tossed Steinbeck a glance,the blonde only looking at him with a smug grin.

“All I can tell you is that there’s no way to destroy Lovecraft from the outside when he’s in that state.” “Outside you say?So you can take him out from the inside?”he said with a smug smile of his own 

Lucky that he had two bombs.And extra lucky that he gave the second one to Chuuya.

Dazai watched the ball of red light form in Chuuya’s hand and grinned as he pressed the detonator.

Oh,how he loved when a plan came together.

As the explosion sounded,Dazai stabbed into Steinbeck’s side.The blonde groaned and Dazai kicked him to the ground,stepping on him on his way to Chuuya just to be safe.

He tried not to run,lest Lovecraft’s human…Shell?Form?Meat suit?Whatever that version of him was,Dazai didn’t want him to know just how on the ropes he had Chuuya moments prior.

Speaking of Chuuya…He seemed oddly composed.Usually once the enemy was defeated he’d go on a rampage,throwing those small black holes with seemingly no reason except for the sake of destruction itself.

Now he was standing in the middle of the battlefield panting like crazy,as his entire body shook.

Dazai’s blood froze in his veins and his stomach dropped.

That shouldn’t be possible…

That’s not how this worked…

Chuuya shouldn’t be concious enough to feel anything.

“Chuuya?”Dazai asked,praying that he wouldn’t get a response

This was the one thing he could count on.The one thing he was sure of.It was just how things were.

Chuuya used corruption,Dazai was the only thing that could get him out.If that wasn’t the only way,Mori wouldn’t have gone with it.

But Mori didn’t have direct contact with a destruction god,did he?

Chuuya turned to him and Dazai stumbled back slightly.His ex partner looked exhausted and in pain.

His teeth were gritted together,sweat pouring down his face and tears held back in the corners of his eyes.But that look of immense effort wasn’t why Dazai stepped away.

It was Chuuya’s eyes,more precisely the fact that his pupils were still there.During corruption his eyes would go milky white,until Dazai touched him.And yet it was two all too clear blue eyes that stared back at him.

Dazai’s knees felt weak,his feet were lead and breathing never felt harder.

“Insurance.” he thought “What a terrible thing to be.”

-

Chuuya saw the look that was now on Dazai’s face before.Of course he had.You don’t get to be half of the most feared duo in Yokohama without seeing people look absolutely horrified of you.

The same wide eyes,the chalky pallor,the tensed shoulders.All of the signs were there.

Chuuya had stopped taking it personally years ago,even started taking pride it in.After all if it was only gonna keep happening,might as well change tact to a better strategy.

He honestly should have been glad here too.Dazai’s the enemy,if he fears Chuuya,all the better.

Right?

Somehow he couldn’t convince himself of that.

His shoulder hurt like hell.His head was drumming terribly…He really didn’t need Dazai’s guilty look after he nullified corruption on top of all that.

“Chuuya?” “What?!”he whisper shouted

He would’ve shouted properly if he wasn’t carrying a sleeping Yumeno.

“How…How did you start talking to it?” “It just sorta happened…”he lied

He knew why.It happened the night he killed Dazai’s ‘murderers’.Same how he blew up the lab in Surubachi,his suffering and internal pain just brought the god out.

“Liar.” “Takes one to know one.”Chuuya spat back,placing Yumeno into the mafia car

Hirotsu,as always,had perfect timing and called it at the exact right time.

Chuuya got in as well,with Dazai closing the door.

“Goodbye ,Dazai.” “Goodbye,Chuuya.”

It was only later that he realized his gloves were missing.

Sometimes I think to myself "I wish Chuuya Nakahara was real" and am immediately forced to remember that he was. He existed. And the version of him I'm talking about is from a super powered mafia-detective fanfiction (manga)

As such, I now have to specify in my OWN MIND that who I'm referring to is the Chuuya Nakahara from hit anime/manga bungou stray dogs, and not the real life poet whom he was based off of.

"Dazai's scared to love Chuuya" Sure maybe but WHAT ABOUT CHUUYA BEING SCARED TO LOVE DAZAI????

Y'all don't bring up how scary it is to love someone who's suicidal, shit's terrifying. Now imagine 16 Chuuya bitching to Koyo about Dazai and she's like "you could just ask him out, would that be the worst thing?" and Chuuya just barreling into a rant about how he doesn't want to let himself care like that when he had to pull Dazai out if the river two days ago.

sillies

you'll find them under the antonyms of personal boundaries

I recognize bsd is fucking insane and anything is possible but realistically Dazai would have scars whether you hc he cuts or not

The man has been shot on multiple occasions, (Chuuys shooting him in Meursault, that scene where he gets betrayed, when oda finds him on his doorstep for the first time and any I'm forgetting/unaware of if they exist)

Not to mention he was in the mafia and definitely got injured during missions

Plus, whatever surgical scars he got from either Mori or Yosano

Oh, and any injuries he sustained from Ada missions, too

And even though he said he didn't like pain, we don't know if all of his suicide methods were all that painless

I also want to say that scene in Dead apple where dazai gets stabbed in the back (literally) but I can't remember if that was a knife or a needle and I'm too tired to look it up

All of this and whatever other occasions I may have missed would result in at least a little scarring

thinking about toga's relationship with the LoV. like. these adult men who kill people took better care of toga than her own parents. that 17 yo girl was safer with them, the "villains", than with her OWN PARENTS.

as soon as they got money they got her a cute coat that she liked for winter. they kept her fed and safe. they made sure she had fun and could be herself and they trusted her with tasks and told her to live the way she wants while also telling her to come back to them, making sure she felt both free and wanted.

Toga is the only kid in the LoV. and when they lost magne she became the only girl. and they always made her feel safe and nurtured and included. RAAAAAH

part of it I think is the guys being keenly aware of how young she is. they all went through something terrible when they were kids, or in their past. but for toga it's right now. she is that kid. and they won't let her be abandoned and neglected like they were

NO ONE TOUCH ME THEY ARE HER FAMILY THEY TOOK HER IN I'M UNWELL ABOUT THEM

Putting rotating dazai on your dash ⊹ ࣪ ˖

You know how a lot of villian's in media will call themselves doctors despite not being doctors or having a PhD.

I like to think that would just absolutely piss off Yosano and Mori. Being that they themselves are actual licensed doctors.

In Stormbringer it's noted that doctors are treated quite highly in the Port Mafia because there's a scarcity of underground doctors.

And because the Boss is one.

Imagine someone in the Port Mafia calling themself Dr to sound all cool and turned out to be lying. Mori just summons them to his office like, do you think I'm a joke?

Because you're sure acting like my decades of work and experience are something to joke about.

Give the scariest interrogation till they admit to being a fraud.

Yosano would probably break the imposters bones and than give em a quiz about it.

Guys Kunikida's birthday is August 30th.... His birthday is this month.

Anything even remotely father shaped in this series must die apparently.