Thesinisterdisaster - Error Unknown - Tumblr Blog

Im trying really hard not to relapse, but the thoughts are always louder

begging god to tell me why he made me this way

Nobody ever talks about how selfless it is to choose, over and over again, to not commit suicide. Nobody ever acknowledges the tremendous sacrifice suicidal people make every time we choose not to kill ourselves. When a person who is suffering so horribly that death seems like their best option decides not to take their one way out, and to instead remain in hell, day after day, month after month, year after year, because they don’t want to hurt the people they love, they are doing something extraordinary. Not killing yourself when it’s all you want to do is the purest act of love I can imagine. Dying for someone is easy - you don’t have to deal with any of the consequences, you have your moment of nobility and then it’s all over. But living for someone, when the simple fact of consciousness is literal torture for you? Every single suicidal person who ever made a choice to not kill themselves in a moment of misery is a goddamn hero in my eyes. Wanting to die and still surviving is an act of titanic courage and self-sacrifice. We deserve more credit for it.

I wish I wasnt so fucking unlovable

will always be broken

will never be enough

damn i wanna hurt myself so bad

I feel like everything is falling apart quicker than I can pick up the pieces and put them back together.

someone pls tell me there’s more to life than this

i wish i could tell everyone how bad im struggling 

being suicidal and living for others is the most drowning feeling ever.

why can’t i find a reason to live for myself?

The way I think about cutting 24/7 but don’t even have the energy to do it like damn I even fail at hurting myself god I’m pathetic

the urge to push everyone away and get everybody out of my life and just leave me alone

i deserve isolation

i have been so sad lately

I hate how mean I have gotten. The irritabilty aspect of depression and anxiety is no joke. I just snap at people.

I feel like I’m drowning again. I’m falling back into old, bad habits, losing motivation to do anything again and my self esteem has gone completely out the window. I’m not sure how to survive this time.

What it's like not to feel like shit every day? I really want to know

I’m so fucking disgusted with myself.

I’m tired of wishing I was dead.

that depression hit immediately after you open your eyes in the morning

what I say: “it is what it is”

what I mean: “I have cried about this for hours and have probably self harmed and contemplated suicide over this.