Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Three

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Three

Masterlist

AO3 link

Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing, mention of nightmares

Word count: 2k

“Ok, so Rick, Daryl, Maggie, Glenn, Michonne, very pretty name by the way, and Carol. I think I’ve got it,” I said, pointing to each person as I said their name so I could associate names to faces. I followed the group up the steps and out into the sunshine. I took off my glasses and blew some dust off of the inside.

A teenage boy was sitting outside in the grass. He couldn’t have been older than 14, maybe 15, and he was holding an infant. They couldn’t have been more than 6 months old. I had to push the thoughts out of my head of what the mother must have gone through birthing a baby during the literal apocalypse.

“Carl, this is Vector,” Rick said to the boy. I assumed this was his son. I squatted down to Carl’s level. Carol said some things to Rick that I couldn’t make out before walking off.

“So you cut off Aaron’s foot?” he asked me. I chuckled a little and nodded.

“She saved Aaron’s life, and we can’t thank her enough for that,” Rick corrected.

“I’m a trauma surgeon. Probably the best kind of doctor to have around in a situation like this. It was far from my first amputation,” I told him, “and who is this little one?”

“This is my sister, Judith,” he replied. I cocked my head and admired the little baby in his arms. She just stared at me, wide-eyed, before giggling and waving her hands around at who knows what. ”Or Lil’ Ass Kicker, if you’re asking Daryl.”

“Well, she is adorable.” I stood back up and looked over at Rick, holding a hand up over my eyes to block out the sun. “So Rick, you seem like an authority figure in this place. Where do you want me at?”

“Vector, you’re gonna be sharing that house over there with Daryl,” Rick said, pointing to a house that was just out of my line of sight, “there’s plenty of space for two people.” I felt my heart stop for a moment, and my eyes grew wide. I felt my stomach churn at the thought of sharing a space alone with a man I’d barely met. I rubbed my rope scars.

“You want me where?”

“She’s goin’ where?” Daryl asked. The irritation in his voice was heavy. I could only see his shape in my peripheral, but I could feel the distaste for me radiating off of him. I thought I was going to choke on it.

“Daryl, it makes sense to keep her near the infirmary.” Rick retorted.

“I don’t know, is there like, someone who’s…not a man…that I can stay with?” I asked, then immediately recanted my statement, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be picky. Y’all were gracious enough to let me in, and I can’t thank you enough for that.” I looked over at Daryl, “we’ll make it work.”

“I dunno who 'we' is, but I ain’t the one,” he said. He slung his crossbow over his shoulder and sauntered away. I watched as he dragged his feet across the ground back to his, well now “our” house.

“He’s really not so bad once you get to know him,” Rick assured. I gave him a hesitant face.

“Are you sure? He seems, I don’t wanna be mean, but a little more than just rough around the edges. Will I be, umm,” I swallowed hard, “safe in there? Y’know, since I’m “tiny.””

“As long as you don’t swing first,” Glenn replied.

“Hey Maggie, you don’t, uh, happen to have a hair tie, do you? I had fashioned one out of gauze and a rubber band, but it broke.”

“Rosita might,” she said, patting me on the shoulder, “c’mon, Glenn and I can show you around and introduce you to everyone.” I gave a small smile and a nod. Her and Glenn started off, and I looked up at the sky and took in a deep breath of fresh air. My brothers and my dad crossed my mind.

“I wish you guys could see this,” I whispered, following after the two of them.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

After introductions to everyone, Glenn and Maggie took me over to the infirmary, where I stored the medical supplies I’d been carrying. After giving the remaining astronaut food to Rick to store in case of an emergency or a long journey and emptying it of gauze, bandages, disinfectant, pills, and small medical tools, my pack was much lighter. I still had yet to get my weapons back.

“So is Rick right?” I asked, following the two of them back outside, “about what he said about Daryl? I just get the vibe that he doesn’t like me, and I’ve hardly talked to the man.”

“Daryl’s very…” Maggie turned to Glenn before looking back at me, “protective of the people he cares about. You’re a fresh face. Don’t take anything too personally. And eventually, he’ll really see you as one of us. You’ll be fine.” She turned to look at the house I’d be staying and then back at me. “I’ll go in with you if that would make you more comfortable.” I swallowed and nodded.

She gave Glenn a quick kiss & he walked away before we headed over and up the tiny steps to the front door. It was a cute little grey house with large windows and flowers in the front that I was surprised weren’t dead. I figured gardening wouldn’t be at the top of anyone’s priority list in a time like this. Maggie knocked on the door and waited a few seconds before letting herself in.

“It’s Maggie and Vector!” she called out, letting me past her and closing the door behind us. No response. I unzipped my black combat boots and kicked them off. I let out a sigh of relief as my feet touched the floor, gently lifting each of my feet and pulling my socks off. The floor was ice cold under my feet.

“I’ve never been so excited to be barefoot. You forget about the little things, like being able to walk around without shoes on,” I said. I took a look around at what was in front of me. There was a set of stairs straight ahead, the kitchen off to the right with a small island in it, and a living area to the left with a couch, coffee table, and a chair. To the right of the stairs was a door, which I guessed was either a bathroom or a basement door.

“Well I bet you’re even more excited to get clean,” she said to me, “if this layout is anything like mine, which it looks like it is, I can show you where everything is at.”

“Hell yeah, let’s go,” I replied, following her over to and up the stairs. It felt strange to be walking around without my boots on. Previously, the only times I’d even taken them off were to quickly wash off when I’d find a creek, but that wasn’t very often. She led me to a room on the left and gently pressed the door open. Inside, there was a bed and a dresser with a mirror above it.

“This one’s you,” she told me, “oh, gimme your clothes & I’ll make sure they get washed.” I set my backpack down on the bed and fished my remaining clothes out.

“I would’ve been more than happy with just a chair cushion on the floor in a corner,” I beamed, handing my clothes over to her. I felt bad because they absolutely reeked, but she handled them as if there was no issue. Probably to not make me feel bad, which I appreciated. I left my bag on the bed and followed her back out to a door across the hall.

“This one’s the bathroom, and I'm guessing Daryl’s room is around the corner. Go ahead and enjoy a shower and I’ll see if any of us gals have some clothes you can borrow while yours get cleaned,” she said. I stepped into the small bathroom and turned to her.

“Maggie, I—“ I could hardly get my words out, “thank you for being so nice to me. And taking my clothes, showing me around. And letting me in in the first place. I promise I’ll be a productive member of the community here. I really can’t thank y’all enough.” I didn’t even think, I just grabbed her and gave her a giant hug. I don’t know what compelled me to do it. Maybe it was my lack of genuine human contact up to this point or being overwhelmed with the joy of finding a home. She slipped one arm out and hugged me back.

“I’m so sorry,” I said as I released her, “I should’ve asked you first.”

“You’re alright. It’s easy to get overwhelmed when you first get here. Don’t worry about it. And you’re welcome,” Maggie replied, “I’ll have the clothes in your room before you’re done.” We nodded to each other before she turned around and headed down and out the front door.

I quickly undressed and left my clothes in a pile that I could easily grab when I was done. I draped a towel across the back of the toilet and did my best to get the water to the right temperature. I almost cried when I first stepped underneath it. The amount of dirt that immediately ran off of me was abhorrent. I probably shampooed my hair 5 times, the product stinging the small wound on the back of my head. But I didn’t care. I was just happy to have clean hair. I was definitely a bit aggressive with the soap.

“Fuck,” I said to myself, turning towards the water and sticking my face under it, “I’ve never been so happy to get soap in my eyes.”

After cleaning every crack and crevice of my body multiple times, I stepped out and grabbed a towel, drying my face first and wrapping myself in it. It felt so soft, like it was my first time touching a bath towel. I took a moment to soak everything in before leaving the bathroom.

“Daryl?” I called out, poking my head out the door ever so slightly. When I didn’t hear a response or any sound of movement, I scuttled across the hallway to my room and quickly shut the door. Once I was in, I saw the clothes that Maggie had set out for me. There was a pair of black denim shorts, a black sports bra, some socks, and a hair tie. I sat down on the edge of the bed, and unable to contain myself anymore, I started sobbing. I covered my mouth with both hands to try to stifle the sounds.

My mom, my dad, Preston, Jay, Eli…they would never get to see Alexandria. I would never get to see their smiling faces, hear their laughs, experience their joy. There wouldn’t be any more reunions when they came home from deployment, no late-night trips to the grocery store, no more interrogations about boys, no father-daughter deep talks when neither of us could sleep. I couldn’t believe that out of everyone in my family, I was the one who made it out and alive. Not the Navy SEALs…me.

Being a surgeon who treated survivors of mass shootings, I was well-educated on survivor’s guilt, but damn, nothing prepares you for having to experience it yourself.

I took a few minutes to cry before drying myself off and throwing on the clothes Maggie left for me. I tied my wet hair up into a bun and tossed my towel on the bed. I took my glasses off and set them on the dresser before collapsing on the bed next to my backpack. I rolled onto my side and continued to cry. It was all I could do. I finally felt safe enough to grieve.

Eventually, sleep came, and with it came the nightmares. But they were different this time.

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Two

Masterlist

AO3 link

Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing, mention of amputation

Word count: 2.1k

Aaron and I stayed in that shed for probably two hours. He told me about his S.O. Eric and how they got separated, how he hoped that Eric had made it back safely. He told me about some of the people in Alexandria, how this large group of ragtag misfits had come together to form one giant family. There was power and water and food and shelter.

Alexandria sounded like a dream.

At some point, he took a lengthy nap, which I used as time to write. During my residency and throughout this last year and a half, the only hobby I had & thing that managed to keep me semi-sane was writing. I came to love writing poetry in med school & had journals upon journals filled to the brim with my work stuffed into my bedroom closet on a small shelf. I wish I could have brought even a few of them with me.

After he woke up, I gave him some more of my water and a little bit of my food. He pulled at the corner of the silver bag, stopping to read the text on the front.

“Is this fucking freeze-dried ice cream?” Aaron asked, laughing as he tore the corner off the bag.

“My dad was an astronaut. You don’t wanna know how much of that shit was stacked in closets in his office. I took all that would fit into my backpack before I started making my way out here,” I responded. He pulled the small, hard Neapolitan brick out of the bag, taking a bite out of the corner.

“Can I be frank?”

“Yeah, of course.”

“This tastes like shit,” he chuckled. I laughed in response.

“It does, but it’s food. I’ve been living off of that for the last year and a half. And any random cans I’ve found along the way,” I said, “I haven’t kept track of time, but it feels like it’s been months since I had food that wasn’t freeze-dried.”

“Well, once we get back, we’ll get you taken care of,” he told me. I suppressed my squee of joy and instead let it spread across my face in a gigantic grin.

After a little more time talking, he seemed like he had gotten enough strength back to slowly head back to Alexandria. I grabbed my spear and put it under my arm, propping myself up onto my feet.

“Alright, we’re gonna get you on your…” I caught the word I was going to say in my mouth, “foot…and take as long as we need to get back. Is there any chance some people could be sent out looking for you?” I put my arm around him again, and he put his weight onto his foot to push himself into a standing position. He then distributed his weight between his foot and on me.

“I mean, there’s a chance, but only if Eric made it back and told them what happened,” he told me. I unsheathed my spear to use as a walking stick, the sharp end pointing to the sky. We hobbled slowly to the door, and I had him stop and rest on a table.

“Let me make sure it’s clear.” I swung the door open and walked the perimeter of the small shed, listening and making sure there weren’t any Walkers nearby. I found a large stick on the ground for Aaron to use, picking it up and bringing it back to him. “Here, use this.” He took it in his free hand and gave me a nod. I grabbed him again, and after slipping through the door, I let him lead the way to the road.

“So you’ve obviously got medical skills. What’s your combat experience like?”

We hobbled along the road, me telling him about my brothers and my family and how I’d been alone all this time. Never had a group. There was the occasional Walker, which I would take care of with my spear. It was a peaceful walk for the most part.

After a couple of hours, I could see a wall through the trees. Aaron’s face lit up, as did mine. The two people on either side of what I assumed was the front gate raised their guns in our direction, keeping them poised. After we were out of the trees, they dropped their weapons when they realized it was Aaron.

“He’s back!” one of them shouted. One of them signaled to someone I couldn’t see, and they started opening the gate. A blonde man slipped through the small gap in the gate like butter and began running over.

“Eric!” Aaron yelled, starting to pick up his pace a little. Eric ran over at mach speed, embracing Aaron in a vice grip the second they touched. I pushed forward on Aaron to keep both of them from falling over. One of the two started making their way towards us, the other walking off towards the side to the trees. I was so enamored by Eric and Aaron that I didn’t even see him coming up behind me.

“No, no she’s with me!” Aaron screamed behind him. Before I could fully process what was happening, the back of my head was struck, the pain vibrating across my face and down my neck. I could feel myself falling forward, and everything turned black before I hit the ground.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I slowly opened my eyes. Wherever I was was very bright, and the light was blinding. The back of my head was pulsating, each throb matching my heartbeat. I was sat upright, I could tell that much. After several rounds of blinking, I was able to open my eyes.

“She’s awake,” I heard a man’s voice say. It took a moment for my eyes to focus, but when they did, I realized I was in some kind of small cell. The first thing I noticed was a man sitting in front of me. He was leaned back in a chair, one leg propped up onto the other. He looked cool as a cucumber as he held his crossbow up, pointed right at me.

His voice was like gravel in my ears. And I liked it.

I practically fell over jumping up to my feet, putting my hands up at my sides. I backed up into the far corner. Looking around the room, I saw a few more people come in, each one taking a seat either in a chair or on a set of steps.

“Ya got other weapons on ya, sunshine?” the man with the crossbow asked me. I chuckled a little. I was wearing a black cropped tank and a skort where a portion of the front skirt part was missing. My clothes were small and fitted, so I don’t know where else they thought I could store a weapon.

“Look at me,” I said, shaking my hips a little and twirling in a circle, “where could I possibly store another weapon, up my p—“

The three women in the group giggled at my comment. “Shut up and sit down,” another man instructed. This one was wearing a cowboy hat and had a star-shaped badge pinned to his chest. The way this man spoke indicated that he was some sort of authority figure in this group.

“Could call it a pussy knife,” I said under my breath as I sat down on the small bench against the back wall of the cell.

“You’re gonna start with telling us who you are and what happened to Aaron,” he instructed. I leaned back and folded my arms across my chest, examining the group. There was the one with the crossbow, the sheriff with an attitude, a woman with grey hair, an Asian guy, another woman with short hair who looked around my age or a little older, and a Black woman with dreads, probably also not much older than me.

“What’s your name, cowboy?” I asked the sheriff, sass lacing my voice, “y’know, so I can address you properly.”

“Rick,” he told me, “Rick Grimes.”

“Well Rick, have you talked to Aaron yet?”

“You’ll give us your story first, then we’ll make sure it matches his.”

“Can I have my stuff back?”

“You might get it back, depending on whether or not I like your answer.” I met his gaze and sighed.

Fuck cops.

“I’m Vector, and I think I’m 32, depending on what month it is. I’m a trauma surgeon. Well, I had a month left of my residency when…all of this started. I was at Johns Hopkins for my residency and going home to see family for vacation. I had hardly left the hospital when people started evacuating. I decided to drive all the way back home where I found out that one of brothers had already lost his life. I, umm…”

I paused, trying to find my wording without letting my emotions get the best of me, “had to put him out of his misery. After some wandering, I found out about Alexandria, and…here I am. Got lucky enough to find Aaron. He got bit, by the way. I had just woken up and he was getting attacked nearby, which I saved him from. You’re welcome. I carry medical supplies on me, so I got him to safety, amputated his foot, patched him up, and here we are.”

“He said you gave him food and water?” Rick said. I rolled my eyes and huffed.

“So you have talked to him?” I scoffed, “and yes I did. I could’ve just killed him, or taken his stuff and ran, but I didn’t. Because I’m a doctor, and he needed help. That’s what I do.” There was a silence that hovered over us for what felt like ages. It felt like they were reading me, trying to gauge whether or not I was telling the truth. Meanwhile, the one with the crossbow hadn’t let up once.

“What kind of doctor did you say you were?” the woman with the grey hair asked.

“I’m a trauma surgeon. I was working in the ER before all this. I amputated limbs, put limbs back on, did organ transplants. I saw gunshot wounds, third-degree burns. You name it, I’ve probably done it,” I explained, “actually, my plan after completing my residency and getting a few years under my belt was to eventually join Doctors Without Borders, but now we’re here.”

“That’s uh…wow, that’s really commendable,” Rick stated, a small smile crossing his face. I nodded. “Do you have a group that would be looking for you?”

“No, I’ve never had a group. Just me, the pack on my back, and my own thoughts,” I explained, pointing to my head. The group looked surprised by what I said.

“You’ve survived by yourself this whole time?” he asked me, sounding surprised. I nodded.

“Never wanted to join anyone. I had my heart set on Alexandria from the moment I heard about it. Sometimes I would come across people, like I did Aaron, and I would offer my medical services and take off. Never really stuck around one place for too long.”

“Well that’s very trusting of you,” Rick commented, “how has that worked out?” I bit my lip to keep myself from wincing at the memories from that day.

“Well, for the most part,” I said. I rubbed at the rope scars on my wrists in a way that I hoped was discreet, “I mean, I’ve made it this long on my own, right?”

“What are your combat skills like?” he questioned. I had to suppress my laughter.

“I grew up with three older brothers…all Navy SEALs…they taught me everything they knew.” I leaned forward between the bars, locking eyes with Rick. “I’ll let you guess how my combat skills are.” The man with the crossbow made a face, though I couldn’t decipher what it meant. Rick seemed to take notice.

“Would you like her to demonstrate, Daryl?”

“Yeah, would you like me to demonstrate, Daryl?” I smirked, “I could kick you in the balls, bring you to your knees, and knee you in the face. Don’t need to be a Navy SEAL to know how to do that.”

“I like her,” the woman with the short hair said, laughing.

“Ya just tiny s’all,” Daryl commented. His Southern drawl and gravel-laced voice made me weak, though I didn’t let it show.

“I’m like 5’7”, I am not tiny,” I retorted, “and can you tell him to stop pointing that thing at me? I’m clearly not going to hurt anyone from in here.” Rick nodded to Daryl, who finally lowered his bow. “Thank you.” He then turned to the Asian man to his left, who got up and came over toward my cell, unlocking it and swinging the door open. I hesitated for a moment before stepping out, scanning my eyes across the group.

“Sooooo…does this mean I get to stay?” I asked, a small but enthusiastic smile crossing my face, “I promise I’ll be useful. Sassy, but useful.”

“Yes,” Rick said, “Welcome to Alexandria.”

Hi I'm immediately not reading your fic because of the ridiculous TikTok spelling you have used for the triggers. People are now being triggered, including myself, because the filters don't work. I have suicide written in the filters as so, you have it all distorted etc and the filters don't pick it up. You've been listed in our discord as an author to avoid because you can't tag properly and are triggering vulnerable people. You're taking away the choice of someone who may want to read it but are fucked over because there's no warning. When the filter picks something up on a post I can then decide if I want to look at it or not. You're just totally not getting it

Hello. Thank you for the feedback. I went and fixed the spellings. I’m new to Tumblr & wasn’t sure how filtering works with certain words. I apologize to you & has anyone else who was triggered due to my mistake. It was never my intention to trigger anybody, in fact the opposite, but I've made a mistake in doing so and have fixed the spellings so they come up in people's filters.

Hello!

Hi guys, gals, and non-binary pals (and everyone in between)!

My name's Taylor, my pronouns are she/her, & I'm finally learning the ins and outs of Tumblr so I can post my work here. I'm starting with my first fanfic in TWD universe, titled Finding Myself, Finding You. It's a Daryl Dixon x OC romance, and I'm super proud of it. Chapter 1 has been posted & chapters will be updated regularly (as I've already written the whole thing lolol).

If you choose to check it out, I hope you enjoy it :)