Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Six

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Story is 18+ for mature content/themes, minors do not interact please

TW/CWs for this story--implied/referenced past rape, canonical violence, non-canonical violence, blood, gore, referenced past suicide, swearing, surgery, excessive drinking, nightmares, panic attacks, mention of scars, vomiting, amputation, medical procedures, non-con medical procedures, referenced past medical torture, referenced past drugging, attempted sexual assault, panic attacks, mental health struggles, referenced sibling death, referenced parent death

Each chapter will have its own TW/CWs listed

This story, Lydia Vector, her family & bestie (c) me, TheVeganDarkElf

TWD & its characters (c) AMC & Robert Kirkman, the writer of the comic series

TW/CWs for this chapter--swearing, alcohol consumption (nothing excessive but maybe they get a little tipsy), brief mention of blood/medical stuff, joking about getting someone drunk

Word count: 2.6k

For the most part, the ride back was silent. I stared out the window, overthinking about everything I had said to Daryl over and over again. I wasn’t sure what had changed, but the silence was comfortable this time. Just before we got back, he finally spoke up.

“Why do ya go by Vector?”

“Hmm?” His lovely voice pulled me from my dissociation.

“Ya name. Why do ya go by Vector?”

I thought for a moment about what to say. No one had ever asked me why I never went by my first name. It was still a rather sore subject, not gonna lie, but I didn’t want to shut him down from conversation now that he was seemingly starting to open up. I thought of what to say as I went.

“Well…Vector is who I am now. I’ve, uh…had to do some things that past me can’t handle. Thus, Vector was born.” I stopped for a moment and took a deep breath before continuing “Me before used to sing in the shower, wear sundresses, dance in the street, pick flowers on walks, smile with my teeth out…shit like that. Haven’t done any of that in God knows how long.”

We pulled around to the front gate, and Daryl made some kind of signal out his window to indicate it was us. He parked around the front, where the car was before, and jumped out and around to the back. I followed suit, him saying something about going out hunting with one of the other guys shortly.

“Hey Daryl?” He set the boxes that he had grabbed down and turned his gaze to meet mine. I gave him a soft smile. “Thanks for asking. No one’s ever bothered to ask me about that before.” He simply nodded and went back to what he was doing. I heard footsteps running up behind me, so I turned to see Maggie practically running into me.

“Eric’s looking for you,” she said. The tone in her voice didn’t indicate there was any kind of urgency, but given that someone was looking for the doctor, and that this person was the partner of the person who likely needed medical attention most, I had reason to be concerned.

I turned to Daryl. ”Do you want help before I go?”

“Nah,” he scoffed, using his hand to make a “shoo, go away” motion, “go on, doc.” I turned and walked off with Maggie in the direction of Eric and Aaron’s place.

“Hey, Rosita and I are getting together tonight. Michonne’s got Judith duty, so we’re gonna keep her company. You should come.” Excitement built up in my chest at the thought of possibly having a group of girlfriends again. "We’re gonna chat, get wine-drunk, maybe talk a little too intimately about our gentleman callers. It’ll be fun.”

“That sounds awesome. Yeah, I’ll for sure be there,” I replied, “and uh, Maggie…thank you again. For everything you’ve done for me since I got here.” I stopped her and gave her a hug. “You’re a good friend.”

“It’s not a problem, really. Us gals gotta stick together, right?”

“Damn straight. Wait, I have something to show you.” I dropped my bag to the ground and dug into it, pulling out the two small boxes of tampons I managed to find. "Look what the hell I found!” She grabbed the boxes from me, flipping them around until she realized what they were.

“Damn, this stuff’s like gold around here,” Maggie laughed.

“That’s what I said,” I replied, chuckling and taking the boxes back from her, shoving them back into my bag.

“Anyway, Rosita and I will stop and get you on our way to Michonne and Rick’s.” I smiled in response, and she walked off, myself continuing over to Eric and Aaron’s. Eric was sitting on the steps of their front porch, reading a novel of some sort.

“You were looking for me?” I asked him. He tilted his head up from his book and practically leaped up when he saw me. I was impressed with the speed at which he brought himself to his feet.

“Aaron said he needed to see you when you got back,” Eric explained, opening the door for me and letting me in in front of him, “he didn’t say why.” I unzipped my boots and kicked them off, leaving them by the front door. He sounded worried, as any partner would.

“Well, hopefully, it’s not too bad then,” I reassured, “you wait here, and I’ll come get you if he asks. Y’know, doctor-patient confidentiality and whatnot.” He nodded and stepped back out onto the porch, closing the door behind him. I tried to remember what sorts of medications I grabbed on my run, in case I needed to access them quickly.

I knocked softly on the door and announced myself before entering. “Hey Aaron, it’s Vector.” I stepped in, and he was laying in the same spot on the bed I’d left him in. I didn’t immediately notice and bleeding from his leg, no discoloration in his face or arms, no rashes I could see, and he wasn’t making any kind of face to indicate that he was in immense pain. In fact, he was smirking. “You needed me?” He giggled and gestured for me to sit down on the floor next to him.

“Nah, I just wanted to know how your run with Daryl went.” I felt my eyes rolling so hard, I could practically see the inside of my skull. I let out an exasperated sigh.

“Dude,” I huffed, “you cannot scare me like that. And Eric. He was really concerned something was wrong.”

“Yeah, not my best move. But you said not to tell anyone. How else was I supposed to get you here?”

“Oh, I don’t know, ask,” I sassed, “but anyway, do you want to know or not?” He nodded, and I plopped myself down cross-legged on the floor next to the bed.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

I spent probably half an hour with Aaron, explaining how the run went and me overthinking and over-analyzing every single little thing that both of us said and did. Afterwards, I went and reassured Eric that everything was fine without giving away any info about Aaron having lied to get me there.

I came back to an empty house, so I figured Daryl was out hunting. Not knowing how long I’d have to myself, I took the time to do some cleaning up. It wasn’t terrible in there, but to sum it up nicely, you could tell a man lived there alone until yesterday. I had to borrow cleaning supplies from Carol after not being able to find any around the house.

“I’m glad you’re here. Someone’s gotta keep that place clean,” she joked.

I had retrieved some produce and herbs from the garden, which felt like such a treat. Being able to pick fresh produce after so long was like a dream. I used them to make soup for dinner, which I made a larger batch of to leave some for Daryl. I knew I wasn’t obligated to cook for both of us, but I enjoyed making food for other people. While it cooled, I took a quick shower, as I didn’t have to wash my hair this time, and changed into a workout set I had brought with me, consisting of a pair of black spandex shorts and a black sports bra that was more built like a crop top. To kill time until my new friends came, I sat down next to the window in my room and opened it up to allow the breeze in.

I folded my arms and rested them on the windowsill, resting my chin on them. I could see some of the other residents of Alexandria, whom I didn’t know very well, and Carol working out in the garden. The sun was going to start going down soon, and I wondered if Daryl was going to be back before it got dark. Sure, he was a strong guy, and he could clearly take care of himself, but I felt more comfortable knowing he was safe inside the walls.

A bright little butterfly came over and joined me, fluttering around my head. I slowly put my hand out, sticking my index finger out on the off chance that they would land on me. Surprisingly, and lucky for me, they gracefully landed on the padding of my finger.

“Hi my sweet,” I whispered as to not scare them. As a kid, I had a fascination with butterflies, moths, any pollinators really. When my mom wasn’t being the best family law attorney around, she was in her garden, tending to her flowers. She made sure to teach my siblings and me the importance of the local pollinators. Butterflies, bees, hummingbirds…they all made me think of her. “Aren’t you just the most stunning creature I’ve ever seen?”

They stood on my finger for a bit, sometimes adjusting their footing and flapping their wings softly, as if to show off their bright hues. All I could think about was how much my mom would love this. She’d be gushing quietly, tiptoeing over to retrieve her phone to snap a picture.

I had an idea, and I slowly began to lift my hand toward my face. I closed my eyes as to not intimidate them with my large peepers and brought my finger to the tip of my nose. I felt their little legs moving around, and they made their way onto my nose. I smiled, keeping it small so I didn’t hit their wings with my cheeks. They continued moving their wings occasionally, and I did feel them tickle my face a couple of times, which made me giggle softly.

I felt them turn their body around to face back out the window. I lifted my index finger back to my nose, and they scuttled back across to it. “Thank you, sweetheart.” I gently put my hand out the window, and with that, they gave a few more beats of their wings before flying away. If I believed differently, I would’ve thought that was my mother coming to greet me. But I didn’t believe in any of that stuff.

I sat there for a few moments, watching them fly away off toward the community garden. I hoped they would grace the other residents with their presence as they had graced mine. I shifted myself around to get up, and I saw Daryl leaning in the door frame, arms crossed, watching me. I almost had a heart attack from being startled.

“Jesus Christ!” I yelped, falling back onto the window, “how long have you been standing there? You scared the shit out of me. I didn’t even hear you come in.” He didn’t acknowledge my question, or anything else I said, in his response.

“Maggie ’n Rosita are here for ya.”

“Oh, sick.” I got up and slid past him, our arms brushing as I went by. That moment felt like forever, the moment that my skin met his, and it gave me goosebumps and nearly had me tongue-tied as I tried to talk. “I, uh, made dinner. It shouldn’t be scalding now. You’re welcome to whatever you want of it.” He looked like he wasn’t sure how to respond to that.

“Thanks,” was all he said. He kept his position in the door frame, arms still crossed. I scurried down the stairs to my boots and quickly put them on, opening the door to see my friends. I turned back to Daryl.

“See ya later.” I gave him a smile before closing the door and following Maggie and Rosita. They were looking at each other, the looks on their faces communicating things they weren’t saying out loud.

Michonne answered the door with Judith in her arms, and she seemed excited to have the company. Her face was beaming. I figured this was something these three did often, got together and just had girl time. I hadn’t had girl time in years.

“What are Rick and Carl up to tonight?” I asked, propping myself up on one of the bar stools next to Michonne. Judith was giggling and babbling, looking around at the rest of us with the fascination only babies possessed.

“I don’t know, father and son target practice or some shit,” Michonne explained, “said Glenn and some of the other guys were gonna join.”

“I’m gonna pour myself a glass,” Rosita said, walking into the kitchen, “rest of you want one?” Michonne and Maggie giggled and nodded. “Vector?” I fidgeted a little in my seat.

“I don’t know. I don’t think Alexandria’s only medical professional should be drinking. Plus, I’m a bit of a lightweight.”

“Oh come on, this is what we’re here for,” Maggie exclaimed, “to drink a little too much and act like everything hasn’t gone to shit.”

“You’re here now. It’s safe. You can relax a little bit,” Michonne assured.

“Ok, but just one,” I replied, “If I drink too much, I’ll start saying things I don’t wanna.” The three exchanged glances and smirked.

“We’re gettin’ her drunk, right?” Michonne said to them, smiling.

“Oh yeah,” Rosita laughed, followed by Maggie’s “absolutely.” I rolled my eyes and accepted the glass Rosita held out to me. I wasn’t much of a red wine drinker, but with how much of a lightweight I was, wine was the safest option.

The evening turned into a gossip session. They asked me a lot of questions about my life before this, and I theirs, and what got me interested in being a doctor. I got to hear way too many details about the sex lives of Maggie & Glenn and Rick & Michonne. Maggie made a comment about something Glenn liked, and I nearly spat my drink out.

“I’m going to try to forget about that,” I laughed.

Minutes turned into hours, and I was eventually two glasses deep, despite my initial protest of only one. Michonne attempted to hand me a third. I was already tipsy, but like Michonne said, I could relax a little bit. I would start being a serious community member tomorrow.

“What about you, Vector? How are you getting on with everyone?”

“Everyone here’s been wonderful. Y’all are so kind. I can tell that people here really care about each other. Thanks again for letting me stay,” I said, holding my glass up as if I was giving a toast.

“Anyone here particularly wonderful?” Maggie asked, chuckling. I bit my bottom lip. I knew what she was asking, but I hoped feigning ignorance would change the subject.

“What do you mean?”

“Is there anyone you’re interested in…romantically or otherwise?” I couldn’t say I didn’t try.

“Well, seeing how many of the men here are taken, the options are limited.”

“That doesn’t answer my question.” She eyed me as I took another sip of my wine. "If we guess it right, will you tell us?” I swirled the drink in my hand, my heart rate picking up as my anxiety spiked.

“Again, the options are limited, you’d eventually get it right, so I guess yeah, go for it.” They squealed like a group of girls in high school and started naming off the male residents, all of which I either said no or shook my head to.

“Does that just leave Daryl? No…is it Daryl?” Michonne asked. I could feel myself starting to turn red, and their faces began to light up at the realization that they had got it right. I averted my gaze from the group. They were squealing like a bunch of high-school girls. Rosita practically jumped out of her chair.

“You’re blushing so hard right now!” she yelled, pointing at me.

“I have got to figure out how to stop doing that,” I mumbled to myself.

Finding Myself, Finding You: Chapter Six

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