I'm Writing A Book. When I Get It Published, I'm Gonna Write An Alternate Ending For The Book And Post

I'm writing a book. When I get it published, I'm gonna write an alternate ending for the book and post it to every Fanfiction site I can think of on throw away accounts.

It's called being chaotic

When you become famous, don't you dare forget your roots: Working Retail

I'm an introvert, but not really by choice. I love being around people (sometimes) and I love interacting with people (if the vibes are good). All good qualities. Qualities that I picked up and learned and nurtured. Out of everyone I currently know and talk to, I can confidently say that I am the most charismatic and could talk them in circles. It's cocky, but I'm sure I can back it up.

The problem, though, lies in the forced isolation. Quarantine was hell for a lot of people, but it got to me the worst in my family. I thrive off of talking to people. I match energy with the people I'm interacting with. Being stuck in a house with the same few people who share almost no interests with me nearly killed me. Quarantine was hell, but that's not where this starts.

Elementary school (as far back as I can remember) is where the forced isolation began. I didn't recognize it at the time. I just thought the people didn't like me! Sure, kids still played with me and let me play with them, but that was only if I asked them first.

It didn't get bad until middle school. Yes, I had a large group of people that I knew, but maybe 7-10 ever approached me first. Everyone else made me go to them unless they needed something from me. If I was needed, I was wanted. What a terrible lesson for a 12 y/o to learn.

So, I became useful. I didn't want to be alone, so I listened and watched. I came to know the names of every person in our grade, as well as a few in the older and younger grades, too. I listened to bits and pieces of their stories. If there was someone you wanted to find, I probably knew where they were.

High school is when I became much more outgoing. I found my passion for theatre and the performing arts in elementary, but high school was when I was allowed to colour outside the lines with that passion. I Met my closest friends in that Theatre classroom.

Of course, I still knew everyone's names and where the most likely place to find them was, but that didn't matter anymore. These people didn't want me for my usefulness. These guys wanted to be around me just for the sake of being around me! I think. I thought.

I like to listen, so people came to me when they wanted someone to listen. Sometimes they'd want advice, so I'd give it to them. Sometimes they wanted a biased answer to a question they had about themselves, so I'd give them one. Sometimes they Just needed to cry, so I let them cry.

People, I have found, love talking about what they love. My sister once spent three hours telling me the George Lucas canon of Star Wars. My dad has spent an equal amount of time talking about video games. My friends have all talked in avid detail about everything they've ever found interesting enough to look into. Is it too much to ask the same courtesy?

I once went on a two hour long explanation about an anime I fell in love with (KHR). I explained the story and the world and the characters and the power system as best I could because I fell in love with it and I wanted to share that love with my family. My mom didn't so much as look at me for that entire two hours. Neither did my sister. Neither did my friend. And when I bring up that same show? None of them can remember a single detail. Not even the title character's name.

A more recent example is from today. I found Journey to Bethlehem on the Musical Theatre side of TikTok and fell in love with the song. Further looking into it landed me with the trailer. I'm not a religious person, but I already can't wait to listen to the entire soundtrack and watch the movie. I showed my very religious mother the trailer and the song (Good To Be King) and all she said was "Hm.". I showed my dad the song, and he said that he liked the guy singing. I tried to talk to them both about how hard those high notes are for guys to sing, but neither even responded. I tried to show my sister the Song, but she just dismissed me, so I moved topics. I sent the link of Good TO Be King to my closest friends over an hour ago when most of them were on Discord and not a single person has said a thing about it.

I've tried talking to people about my special interests, but I'm dismissed or ignored every time and I'm getting fed up with it. I want to go on an hours long rant about One Piece or BSD or KHR or The Slayers or FMA/FMAB or Harry Potter (fanon) or LOTR or Bluey, but no one will listen!

I know my problems are small in the eyes of the world. I know that people don't see my problems as problems, but I do. I see them as problems. Do you want to know what my parents said when I spoke to them about this? "You're overthinking things."

This is why I don't talk to people anymore. This is why I'm an introvert. This is why I spend so much time keeping to myself.

I had to deal with questioning everything about myself alone because no one would listen to me. I came out as AroAce my senior year of highschool, and you wanna know the responses I've gotten?

Dad: "You just need to go to church more."

Mom, grandma, aunt: *completely ignored* *goes on to talk about me getting married and having kids*

My closest friends: "Which one? You can't be both." "You just haven't found the right person yet." "Once everyone is married, you'll want to get married, too. Then you'll start looking."

I've gone on for a while, but I need to get this stuff off my chest. I hate being forgotten. I've been forgotten about enough that I'm actually traumatized from it.

Anyone who read this whole thing, thanks. Anyone who sympathizes, thanks. Anyone who is going to tell me to suck it up or that my problems are nothing compared to yours, can go fvck themselves.

Now, if you'll excuse me-

I need to get me some wine glasses. I don't drink wine, but this glass is better for milk shakes and Orphan Tears rather than the Blood of Mine Enemies and dramatic situations

Because my family (aside from my sisters) are under the illusion that I'll be getting married, I Will be buried in a wedding dress.

Thank you

Idk if this sudden crippling fear of death is something that my Festive Depression has decided to bring along with it this year or if it's because no one is hiding the fact that they don't think my grandpa will live far into the next year, but it's doing me no favors.

Am I gonna use it as motivation? Yes

Is it gonna be looming over me and adding to my already Sky Heavy insecurities and anxieties? Also yes

I've never feared my own death before. I plan to live as long as I can because the people who don't bother with me would be disappointed if I died and I'm too much of a people pleaser to let that happen. I use myself as motivation for people to keep living, so this sudden fear that I just won't wake up one day is....scary.

I don't plan to die. If I do die, it won't be for a while. But I can't help these thoughts for some reason. They creep up on me and pull me into my own head. That's a dangerous place to be.