Fail-safe

fail-safe

pairing: yoongi x reader

wordcount: 8k

glimpse: growing up, your brother's best friend always berated you for not having a passion in life outside of loving him from afar. when yoongi leaves everything he's ever known for everything he's ever wanted, trying to move on from him becomes your biggest aspiration.

alternatively, yoongi left when you needed him the most, and comes back home at a time when you love him the least.

[ part one, intermission, part two, intermission 02, finale ]

[ a Lot of angst, eventual fluff, brother's best friend AND single dad au, So Much Yearning, unrequited love (initial), jealousy, self-deprecation, a lot of talk abt passion in an empty n hurtful way that most impassioned youngest children feel (it's a specific feeling idk!!!), eventual redemption in the next parts ]

notes: finally got to writing a new series!!! i'm beyond excited for this + this whole new concept and flow i haven't touched on before <3 i hope u love fail-safe as much as i do :-)

as always, lmk what you think <3 send in feedback n love to my askbox anytime!! | series masterlist

Yoongi buys atleast one scratch ticket a week.

The accessibility of buying one is top-notch considering that all he has to do is cross the street, shoot one look to the cashier, and he can either already go hunch in the corner of the road or in the comfort of his room. The moment his coin takes its first dig and he realizes that he’s won yet again, he’s satisfied enough not to buy another ticket.

He doesn’t want to risk losing the win he’s just gained, the odds of him throwing out money besting his chances in adding to his earnings. He thinks everyone’s a little greedy one way or another, but it’s the righteous part of him that thinks he’s different.

You do think that he is for all the right reasons, your vision only tunneling for him alone. He’s this fixed older figure in your life and you can’t figure out how to shrug him off — he’s this generous leech that sucks all of the rationality from your mind but returns it to you twofold, whether in the form of him saying something unintentionally endearing that it makes your chest hurt, or through him having to lightly smack the back of your head.

Yoongi’s your older brother’s best friend and there’s a novelty tag that comes with him, one that can’t be topped by any material possession to your name. He’s there for you, not in the exact way you want him to be, but nonetheless there. He’s special and unattainable at the same time, the finiteness of his love barely extending to you.

He’s there when you want him to burn the latest songs onto a CD you’ve spent all your allowance in, and he’s there when you get annoyed that he sneaked some of his own recommendations in there. You’re there when you later admit that his suggestions aren’t half-bad, and you also happen to be there when he grins at the praise.

He’s there when Namjoon won’t cough up the last slice of his cutlet, not because he’ll actually give you his, but because he’ll help your brother guard his plate. You’d only have to mope for a solid of three seconds before the two of them give up both of their last slices, and you’re there when Yoongi insists for you to try the sauce in the spirit of going out of your routine.

You don’t need Yoongi every single time but in the event that you do, he hangs back. He contemplates and hesitates and doesn’t give in to every single whim that you have, but he’ll be there. He lingers like the last holiday ornament you don’t want to remove until it’s February, his presence being oddly similar to your favorite festivities.

Yoongi’s the equivalent of a holiday you look forward to with each passing month and day; he comes around to and for you in instances, but never even in your most sincere wishes.

“I buy one scratch ticket a week — three if I’m really feeling lucky. When my palms itch, that’s when I know that I really need to buy them.”

He’s calm and collected even when you’re scrunching your nose up at him in combined worry and disbelief, humming mindlessly as you collect your thoughts. He randomly told you about his lottery routine and you’re still trying to wrap your head around how he blows his money off just easily. Yoongi has the mind to put scrap cardboard under you because sitting on the hot concrete with your uniform on can’t possible be a good idea, but you try to play off your fluster into stubbornness.

He’s just playing with his two ever-present coins (lucky charms as he calls them)— one that’s shiny and minted in the present year, the other being the oldest coin he’s ever had that happens to be older than he is — while you mutter about.

“I don’t know, Yoongs. That might be a gambling problem,” you squint, your side comment being heard clearly as day. “Might be the symptoms for hand, foot, and mouth disease too.”

“What— I do not have a gambling problem! My skin’s perfectly fine too, thanks,” he defends, the light shove he gives you doing nothing to tone down your teasing.

“That’s what people with gambling problems say.”

“Give me that-…” he mutters, trying to wrestle you for the sundae he bought you using the money he won from his scratch ticket just awhile ago. You don’t give in easily, even if your laughs that come straight from your chest suggest otherwise. “You don’t get it. It’s just this nice, fun little thing I can look forward to every week. I always buy the cheapest version anyway so when I lose, it’s not a big deal.”

You relent (like you always do when it comes to Yoongi) in understanding, waving him off after regaining your breath. “Nah. I get it. We all have to do things so we wouldn’t lose our shit,” you trail, racking your head to find the right words.“Yours is buying scratch tickets, and mine is-…”

“Yours is what?” Yoongi raises an eyebrow, lips quirked in eagerness to know where you’re going with this. He can’t pinpoint a single thing he can attach to you and neither can you, your actual interests merely reflecting those of the people whom you love.

You love cross-stitching because your mom loves doing it, the tolerance you have for accidentally being pricked by the needle growing over time.

You enjoy playing badminton because Namjoon’s obsessed with the sport, no matter how ratty your rackets and shuttlecocks have become, and no matter how much he pushes you to ring the doorbell to your neighbor’s when he’s sent it flying to their backyard.

You’re probably an imposter yet you don’t feel like it. You don’t feel bad that your life most probably and will only revolve around your mom and Namjoon (maybe even Yoongi); you don’t feel dissatisfied that your life’s mundane. 

You go where your love goes.

“Mine is watching you buy scratch tickets,” you shrug easily as if it’s the most obvious thing in the world, making him laugh heartily. You’ve probably done something right because he hauls you up to your feet immediately.

“Get up. I’m buying you your first ticket,” he nudges you, grabbing you by the arm in excitement.

“But I’m not even legal!” you half-heartedly argue, internally excited that you’re finally getting to try your hand at the lottery because you’ve spent a few hundred minutes of your life tuned to the channel to pass the time, awaiting the results for something you haven’t even betted for.

“Right. Like I haven’t seen you trying to squeeze out a drop of beer from our empty cans whenever Namjoon and I drink.”

“Rude,” you roll your eyes playfully, gathering your things from the ground.

“It’s okay. I’ll give you your first sip of beer too if you want,” Yoongi offers sincerely; easily as if you’ve just asked him about the weather.

He’s here to buy you your first scratch ticket, and he’s still here to offer giving you your first sip of liquor in the future.

Your family friend for a cashier vehemently ignores the fact that you’re still underage to participate in the lottery, and instead only chuckles to herself in amusement. She’s an aunt that knows when to step in and not to, and she knows you won’t be harmed by a mere bet. In fact, she knows you won’t be harmed by anything with Yoongi in tow.

“I already used up all my change,” your frown in realization, holding the ticket in your hands in despair despite having scoured your wallet repeatedly.

“Rub it against the pavement. That’s what I do,” Yoongi lies fluidly, a scoff being caught in his throat when you actually attempt to do it.  “I was only kidding, Y/N. Jeez,” he groans, pulling out his wallet. “Ugh. Here. You can have one of my lucky coins.”

It’s the old one, tarnished beyond relief that you can barely recognize what it’s actual value is supposed to be.

“Ew. I’m giving it back. It looks prehistoric,” you narrow your eyes, knowing that you don’t even have to put your fingers nears your nose to know that it’s already left a faint stench on them.

Yoongi rolls his eyes, a habit he can’t tell he’s formed himself or got from you. “If you use your brain for one second, you’d realize that it’s actually worth more because it’s older. Collectors would go crazy for that in the future.”

“That sounds like a hoarding problem.”

He’s just had about enough of your whining so he attempts to trade in the old coin for his lucky new one, but you stop him at the last minute with a meek smile.

“Kidding. Thank you. I’ll keep it safe, Yoongi. I promise,” you rush out before he changes his mind, scratching your ticket in silence.

He waits for you because you’re scratching so politely and neatly, a stark opposite to his experienced skill of scratching the paint off in ten strokes or less.

Your face is too close to the ticket that Yoongi can’t tell what’s happening, making him part your hair like a curtain to peek.

“Did you win?”

“Nope.”

“Let me throw that out for you.”

“No!” you squeak, keeping the ticket close to your chest. It’s a bummer that your first time is a loss, but it didn’t mean that you wanted to forget the sentiment behind it. “I-I mean no, I’ll keep it. It’s memorable now that I think about it.”

“Alright,” he shrugs carelessly, a smile breaking out in retaliation. “Hoarder.”

“Gambler,” you spit, tucking the ticket into your pencil case. “Next week again?”

Yoongi agrees, wrapping his head around the fact that he doesn’t have to be alone in his little routine every Friday.

“Sure.”

( ♡ )

You don’t mind getting hand-me-downs.

As a matter of fact, you love receiving them. The wear and tear of the things that came before you is only proof that it’s been loved enough to be passed on to you.

You adore your mother’s dainty vintage watch that she wore throughout college, the hardware and sentiment behind it being pretty enough that you don’t mind constantly getting the battery replaced. You like Namjoon’s shirts that he’s outgrown, even through the numerous phases he’s had wherein only denim and tie-dye filled his closet.

You don’t mind the history behind the numerous things you have in your home, unbothered that you’re probably the only house in the block with the oldest possible rice cooker. The chips in the staircase aren’t covered up with marker ink and neither are the loose stitches in the couch quilt snipped off. It’s home to your mother and Namjoon — if it’s good enough for them, then it’s already the best for you.

Even on top of everything, you don’t mind your family almost always getting you shirts and shoes that have an allowance in them. Your mom would go to Seoul and pick out the exact pair of sneakers you wanted that are atleast three sizes bigger than your actual feet, and you’d barely bat an eye. 

You don’t mind the coziness of things that are brought to you, because even if they weren’t offered, you’d seek them yourself. 

So when Yoongi mentioned that he’s decluttering his room and needed someone (read: you) to vacuum it up for him, you jump at the chance. You take a grocery bag with you, wear the nearest pair of slippers within your vicinity, and book it to his house as soon as he finished talking.

“Go crazy, kid. Almost everything in that pile is garbage so you can take anything.”

“I feel like I should be more offended than how I feel right now,” you hum, furrowing your eyebrows at the pile in front of you. It’s a mound of Yoongi, or atleast everything he’s ever wanted up until he decided to do a general cleaning of his bedroom.

Yoongi chuckles, going through his pile of clean laundry for him to fold on the side while you scavenge for his things. “It’s either I have you take them or I get ripped off at the thrift store, then I see somebody’s uncle wearing my shirt as an added insult.”

You huff, rummaging through his heap of belongings while conveniently trying to ignore that you may look like somebody’s uncle the moment you wear his clothes. Everything is him; every distressed cap, every unfinished embroidered shirt, and every item of old significance with his initials branded on it.

The thick gray hoodie you’ve been eyeing (along with its owner) for the better part of the last few years surfaces into your field of vision, your gasp audible enough to make him jolt because he thought you’d gotten hurt.

“No way, this too? But this is your favorite,” you half-complain and half-rejoice, turning the hoodie inside-out eagerly in the fear that there’s a catch to it belonging in the pile.

“Eh. I know it looked good on me but I don’t think it’s my favorite. Besides, I’ve bulked up! Wanna feel?” Yoongi grins, his segue eerily similar to your brother’s at every given chance. A neighbor from down the block recently opened a small-time gym, and the both of them have not been able to shut their mouths about it since. From their gossiping alone, Yoongi and Namjoon have generated enough advertising already.

“You and Namjoon really have to stop asking random people to feel your biceps.”

There’s random knick-knacks throughout the clump in the middle of his bed, some being too good and actually useful that you snag them. Yoongi lets you do what you want anyways (most of the time), not having to turn his head to berate you on what you’re only allowed to grab from his stuff.

You’re not greedy — you already have his hoodie and that should be enough on its own. But there’s that handkerchief with his initials embroidered on it, then that Rubik’s cube he swore his relative got for him from New York, and even the little butterfly knife he got from a souvenir shop when his family when to the beach.

There were those and there is this, looking up at you in all of its glory.

“Yoongi.” 

“What now?” he sighs at your dramatic gasp, looking up from his folded laundry to see what you were going on about. It takes a second for him to fully realize why exactly were you so pumped.

“Are you serious? Your helmet?” you squeal, already hugging the shiny red mass close to you. “Does this mean you’re passing your motorcycle to me?!”

“Are you crazy? Fuck no,” Yoongi rolls his eyes, snatching his helmet back from you. He doesn’t miss the bratty frown that fills up your entire face; he’s not exactly the biggest fan whenever you were upset or angry; maybe even both. “Obviously I forgot I even put my helmet there when I made that pile.”

You whine, stomping your feet in exasperation. You would dramatically plop down on his bed if only it wasn’t full of his shit. “Come on! You told me you were teaching me as soon as you finish teaching Joon.”

“Teaching you how to ride my scooter is not the same as giving you it. Why would I just hand you what I bought with my hard-earned money?” Yoongi scrunches his nose, tone sharper than what he intended.

“But you still haven’t taught me,” you murmur to placate yourself and dissuade yourself from the delusion that Yoongi would even exert such an effort for you because of course — why would he do that for you?

You have an inkling that you’re being irrational for all the wrong reasons, perhaps even projecting your need to be looked after… by him.

Yoongi notices your mood that turned sour quickly, the silence between you becoming loaded. He didn’t mean to be that blunt. “I don’t think you’re even old enough to have your driving permit,” he adds in consolation, voice considerably softer.

You snicker lowly, still looking at your feet with your arms crossed. “But I’m old enough to backpack whenever you need me to carry shit that can’t fit in your carrier.”

He immediately groans at your comeback, his furrowed eyebrows mirroring yours. “You’re so stubborn.”

“You’re a hypocrite,” you retort, knowing for a fact he’s known how to drive even before he was eligible for permits and licenses and whatnot. 

Yoongi takes one, two seconds to himself to regain his composure, clearing his head in the process. You’re still not looking at him and you’re pouting and you don’t even notice the latter, making him crack a small smile.

“I will teach you next week.”

“Oh my-…”

He cuts you off, raising his hand in emphasis. “Provided that you listen to everything I say and wear full gear at all times. You clearly don’t have a job yet-…”

“Ouch.”

“And I don’t have the extra money to buy full gear for myself, so what you’ll do is bundle up with your padded coat and the thickest jeans you have,” Yoongi enunciates every word, eyes keenly on you. They’re too wide and alert, you actually feel like listening to him.

“You go on rides wearing your pajamas.”

“Just say ‘thank you, Yoongi’.” 

“You haven’t done anything yet,” you trail off, head tilting in confusion. 

You’ve had a million conversations like this with Yoongi before but of different fonts; worn, familiar, and warm.

“Thank you, Yoongi,” he mouths, nodding at you to do the same. He won’t stop until you utter them back to him, and you know you won’t go home either without giving him your gratitude as you always do.

“Thank you, Yoongi,” you relent, the grin that breaks through your lips being infectious enough that he laughs lowly to himself.

He exhales all the worries he has and could possibly ever have seeing you ride the motorcycle (or for you yearning to do everything that he does), grasping at whatever sanity he has left from looking after you.

“You can have the helmet.”

( ♡ )

Yoongi knows the ins and outs of your home.

He’s been at your house too much to the point that your mom already gave him a spare key and nobody batted an eye about it. He has his own designated slippers at the entryway too, something you would only use in a hurry if you needed to sign off on a package.

Yoongi, for some reason unfathomable (not really; you can tell exactly why because your mom is an extremely warm and inviting person), also has the power of dibs on the food in your fridge. He’d put strips of masking tape with his name on food that’s neither brought in nor made for him in the first place. 

It should be off-putting — the way that for too many yet too little reason, Yoongi has become a prominent figure in your life even if you didn’t ask him to. You should be peeved that you have to set up four plates more often that you set up only three; you should be annoyed at some point that when you wake up at random times through the night, you’re not totally alone to begin with.

You shouldbe angry at Yoongi to a degree because he’s in your life and you don’t get to have a say on how he stays in it. The only problem is that you’re not, and probably never will.

“Can’t sleep?” you mutter as you look up from your strikingly clear paper, seeing Yoongi strut across the floor with a casualness that only real occupants of the house should supposedly possess. He has his brows furrowed at you as if he didn’t expect to see you in your living room, scratching his head in wonder.

“Why are you up?”

“Stressed,” you sigh, giving up altogether in attempting to make yourself look busy. Yoongi drives by your fridge to get himself a can of beer, finally seating himself beside you on the floor. 

“Stressed about what? I’m sure it’s not about studying,” he snorts, unsurprised at your paper and the clear lack of motivation behind it. You only roll your eyes at him and he has half a mind to not remind you to not do it so much, the frown in your face reminding him that you really were frustrated.

It is you to throw the occasional tantrum, but he remembers that it was only when you were young; when Namjoon would whisper gibberish to his ear and purposely not whisper to yours just so he could tease you, or when nobody would believe that you taught yourself how to ride a bike with no training wheels. You didn’t know how to do the latter at all, but what had made you throw a tantrum was that nobody believed you.

You notice Yoongi’s digs, of course. You notice each one of his more than unsubtle nods to your intelligence and whatnot, the shots at your intellect not flying over your head like he expected them to.  You admit that you’ve never been that scholastic; you weren’t born a genius and you don’t try exactly hard either.

Yoongi’s only joking but you can’t help but to think that he’s pertaining to something deeper, his constant digs at your lack of a passion making you sluggish.

“We have to write this essay,” you answer simply, your tone straightforward and unwilling for banter but Yoongi bites anyway.

“But essays are the easiest,” he trails, looking at you the whole time as he takes a sip of his beer.

You exhale heavily because no matter what, he just can’t seem to get it. Yoongi knows where you’re coming from but he doesn’t know where you’re headed. As a matter of fact, you don’t know where you’re headed either. “We have to write an essay about where we see ourselves ten years from now.”

“But that’s still easy.”

“If it’s so easy, then go write it for me,” you snicker, leaning back with a huff. He constantly undermines you and although you own up to your striking mundaneness from time to time, it didn’t mean that you liked being looked down on. Yoongi’s too used to you being yourself, he gets taken aback when you grow sick of your own.

He gathers all his willpower, far from being sleepy unlike you who would’ve been lulled to sleep if only you weren’t dead-set on arguing with him. “You know what? I actually will,” he claps, handing you his beer. “Go hold this for me.”

Yoongi grips your pen for dear life like you hold his beer, his hand warm as he works from sheer determination alone (he’s not competing with anyone except for whatever expectation you have for him and your paper), while yours was cold just holding his drink.

You’ve been so quiet that he actually gets curious, turning his head to check to see if you’ve dozed off when actually, it’s just you eyeing the can.

“No one’s watching,” Yoongi breaks you out of your thoughts, carelessly shrugging. He cares and he’s far too concerned for you, but he figures that nothing would hurt you so long as he can grasp you. “It’s okay. You can have your first sip.”

You blink owlishly at him and when he jokes about taking it back, you take your first swig of beer in a panic. Yoongi only shakes his head in amusement, pausing his writing just to see the look on your face.

“One more?” he asks right after he sees you wince, the unbearable sweetness yet bitter, stinging aftertaste of the beer making you shudder. 

You have the urge to wash off the taste with ice cold water (you’ll even drink from the tap because you’re so desperate), but you resist it just so you wouldn’t look like a weakling in front of him. You wave him off with a bitterness, upset that beer doesn’t taste like what you’ve always imagined it to be. “Just write my essay for me,” you mull over the taste in your tongue, in deep thought while you stare at Yoongi’s back ahead of you. “Do all beers taste that way?”

“Eh. Most of them do. You develop a taste for it later on,” he answers, taking the can back from you before drinking it himself. He looks too dedicated in writing your essay, only goading the curiosity in you to peek over his shoulder.

He knows you, both in heart and memory, because he shields your own paper from you when he sees your shadow hovering above him.

“Yoongi?”

“Hm.”

“I told you why I’m up. Why are you up?”

He’s silent entirely, the only indication that he heard your question being his hand pausing abruptly. Yoongi doesn’t answer, and you don’t ask again. “Don’t worry about it.”

You take his answer to heart, dozing off on the couch before you know it. You don’t remember a blanket being placed on you, nor can you remember preparing your backpack for school the next day.

Your paper’s neatly tucked into your portfolio bearing handwriting that’s clearly not yours, but with a sentiment that’s similar nonetheless. You read through everything quickly before even stepping towards your teacher, the tips of your fingers just as cold as Yoongi’s beer last night.

You’ve committed the paper into your memory, even until the last part with an excerpt you can’t forget despite having passed the paper already. You don’t know what to feel because it’s Yoongi who’s speaking for you, detailing that ten years from now, you will still be your mother’s daughter and your brother’s sister.

He wrote your essay either for you or in behalf of you, and you can’t tell which one is better.

Yoongi, who knows the ins and outs of your home and the peaks and troughs of your heart, writes in clear handwriting — Ten years from now, I will still be Yoongi’s rock.

( ♡ )

Surprisingly, Yoongi hasn’t been around that much lately.

Even Namjoon (who you consider as his Siamese twin) is clueless to why his friend hasn’t been hanging out with him lately to do either everything or nothing, confused because they’re enrolled to the same classes all the way to the same part-time jobs, yet Yoongi’s been mostly unavailable.

When Yoongi is, however, he doesn’t speak at all about his previous absences. He comes as if he’s never disappeared a few times before that, his evasion to talk about his presence being apparent even if you’ve asked him directly.

You’re getting used to his new routine of hanging out with you only when the both of you are free, no longer moving mountains for both of your schedules to line up. He’s more present this month than he was at the last, the criteria for it being how many times you bump into him in your own home.

Despite all odds and evens though, Yoongi can’t get used to your silence. He knows you hold grudges longer than your brother, and the last time that he checked, he knows you’ve already let go of your annoyance for him suddenly being unavailable without any explanation. 

It’s late, only the two of you are awake in the living room, there’s ten scratch tickets on the table for you to share, and he’s even gotten you your own glass to which he’ll put a controlled amount (a grand total of two long sips) of his own beer in. You’re not stressing about an essay this time, but the unconscious pout on your face is still the same.

“You’re awfully quiet.”

The frown on your face only goes deeper at being found out, the scratch of your lucky coin being the only clear thing that Yoongi hears. 

“My best friends want to have this slumber party,” you sigh, more upset about what you’ve just uttered than you are happy about the cash prize you’ve just won.

Yoongi takes what you say at face-value, groaning at his third straight loss for the night. “That’s great. Wear cute pajamas, snap a couple of polaroids, don’t be the first to fall asleep and last to wake up, and just keep a pocket knife with you when you’re going out by yourself.” 

The awe (and slight concern) over what he said should roll in any time now.

You should be comforted at Yoongi’s words because they’re supposed to ease the swirl of your stomach, even if what he just said is a repackaged version of what your family said before. You should let go of your worries because Yoongi, of all people, says that it’s supposed to be great.

Instead, you feel neither of what you think Yoongi wants you to.

“Was it something I said?” he mumbles after some time, turning his nose up at you as he tries to retrace his words. “I have an extra pocket knife you can borrow if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“We’re gonna be talking about boys, Yoongi,” you screw your eyes shut, sighing into the palms of your hands with a heaviness. “We’re gonna talk about crushes and experiences and all that.”

He shudders at that, his reaction mirroring Namjoon’s when you tried opening up to him. You get your brother’s reaction to a degree, of course, because you feel as if you’d be disgusted too if the roles were reversed. You want to talk about it with your mom too, but at the end of the day, she’s your parent and you just can’t talk about anything and everything with her. 

Yoongi’s your next plausible option.

“Do you want some ice cream right now? You know what, I’ll buy you-…” Yoongi tries to evade the topic altogether, his attempt of escaping feeble as you drag him down by his hoodie.

“I haven’t had my first kiss yet.”

“Heh.”

Yoongi shrugs at that, regaining his words when you deadpan at him. “So? What about it?”

You starfish on the floor at that out of frustration, the whine you’ve been bottling up coming out in the open because as usual, Yoongi doesn’t get it. “I-I’m probably the only one in my grade who hasn’t kissed someone yet! I can’t just lie carelessly because obviously, they’ll ask around.”

“So?” Yoongi chuckles, his breeze towards your state shocking you. “What’s it to them if you haven’t had your first kiss?”

“You don’t get it,” you grit through your teeth, crossing your arms so hard that it feels hard to inhale.

“I’m pretty sure I do,” he sing-songs, drinking the last of his beer. When you’re not looking though, he plans to either drink or chuck the remainder of your share because he doesn’t want you to develop a taste for it.

The anger you have for Yoongi bubbles up once again, the itch in your throat unbearable. You’re presented with the age gap between you once more, along with the raging emptiness in you that Yoongi’s reached so far and you’ve reached so little.

“You don’t get it because you’ve had all of these experiences when you were younger than my age right now,” you snap, although you don’t look at him when you do. If you do look at him though, you’ll only be reminded of how a face like his could have everything in this world — even a first kiss you’ve never had.

“Yeah, and so?” he knits his brows, growing defensive. You weren’t lying at all, but he still feels a little offended at the dig. He’s not not proud of it, but with the way you say it, it’s like you want him to burn in shame,

“Stop saying so,” you angrily mumble in frustration, a little breathless because you still don’t ease up on crossing your arms.

Yoongi straightens his posture, staring you down with his jaw set. He’s stern as he is, nostrils flaring in irritation. “No, Y/N. I’m genuinely asking — so what? What’s it to you if I had my first kiss at a younger age? What about it if everyone else in your grade has kissed someone and you haven’t? It’s not the end of the world.”

“I-I don’t know! It’s just unfair!” you let up, yielding to both the facts that Yoongi’s right with it not being the end of the world, and that you’re still entitled to feeling upset.

“Instead of spending time obsessing over your first kiss, maybe I don’t know,  try being productive? You’re heading to college soon and you haven’t even thought of a career,” Yoongi goes off on you, making you roll your eyes automatically. There he goes again with the great big push of trying to push you into your supposed passions in life. “Someone else’s luck doesn’t mean it’s already your misfortune.”

“But it is.”

You say it so definitively, you almost convince him. You have your principles and so does Yoongi, but not everyone else. You have your principles yet you don’t have the luck. You’re not getting anywhere in life just like Yoongi or anyone else who was remotely born into wealth, no matter how quiet or obvious.

You can’t pursue something that interests you in the slightest without thinking what would come out of it. You can’t think of a degree and a course you’ll stick with, enough to do for the rest of your life because the only other option is to fail completely if you don’t. You have no plan and no passion and you don’t know if you’ll ever amount to anything to anyone at all.

By all means, you don’t agree with Yoongi this time. Someone else’s luck is your misfortune, in the same way that his first kiss doesn’t mean that it’s yours.

The sidetrack to your argument is a closed case already, judging by your downcast gaze. “I just have to put myself out there, that’s all. My first kiss doesn’t even have to mean anything. I just want to have it,” you admit, shoulders relaxing.

“Don’t,” Yoongi groans, the opposite of you as his whole body tenses.

He thinks that you don’t get him at all.

“What do you meandon’t?”

Your argument’s long-over (atleast you thought it was) but Yoongi’s getting more agitated by the minute, the disbelief on his face throwing you off. “Don’t do things just because you feel like you have to! Are you even hearing yourself right now?”

“I don’t want to be left behind, Yoongi! That’s all I’m trying to get at,” you raise your hands in surrender, shrugging thoughtlessly — it makes him want yell into a paper bag in exasperation. “I don’t want to be picked last. I don’t want to not be wanted.”

Yoongi exhales, screwing his eyes shut. It stays silent like that for a little while; him calming himself down, and you scratching your tickets. The calm doesn’t stay for long because you open your mouth carelessly, again.

“Can you be my first kiss?”

“Are you insane?”

“Ugh.”

You go back to your fourth scratch ticket, pouting in disappointment. You’re unfazed about the win that’s probably the largest sum you’ve had ever since you started doing the lottery.

You’re upset and you’re sick in the stomach but you stay silent like you never asked Yoongi to be your first kiss; it’s like you haven’t indirectly admitted to him that you love him enough, more than so, to want him to be your first.

You’re about to scratch the final ticket when Yoongi juts his hand out, fingers barely brushing yours to stop you.

“On second thought, don’t scratch that. Just keep it.”

“Because you want to turn me into a hoarder too?” you snicker, heeding his suggestion regardless.

“Because I’m not going to be right about everything,” Yoongi mumbles, looking at you with a solemnness you can’t decipher.

You try until the solemnness turns into pity.

“Still don’t want to be my first kiss?”

Yoongi softly laughs to your face, smiling as he lets you down — whether easily or harshly, you can’t tell.

“You already know what I’m going to say.”

( ♡ )

You’d like to think that you’re not kept in the dark about most things.

You already know that although your mom hasn’t had any relationships since your dad left, she still has plenty of suitors. Some of them are the reason why you have random food deliveries in the middle of the dinner that she’s already cooked, some have sucked up to her by getting you and Namjoon gifts. 

You know about Namjoon’s growing love for football, even with the lessons he takes in secret because he didn’t want to trouble your mom for the money. It’s why he does his part-time job and why you’re looking for one anyways. You don’t want nor need much, so you almost always give him the remainder of your allowance by the end of each week.

Yoongi, on the other hand, you don’t know much about. You know that he’s an only child with a doting mom who works overseas and a rich but emotionally unavailable dad at home, and that’s about it. His home life is synonymous with yours, considering that your four walls have become an extension of his.

Maybe you’ve become too lenient on him — either that, or he’s become too disrespectful. It’s at times like these where your house is not his home, sickeningly so that you don’t want it to be yours either.

Yoongi is a sight to behold as he makes out with a half-naked girl on your bed, in your room. Your room has never been the neatest but with everything going on, it feels that it’s become the dirtiest that it’s ever been. Your house slippers are on the floor even if you always leave them by the entryway, and your sheets are a mess despite being one of the only things you try to keep folded in the room.

You’re angry, too much to the point that the words get caught in your throat. They catch onto bile and venom and everything at once, the strain in your voice heard when you yell.

“What the fuck?!”

Yoongi and the girl, whom you figure out to be Hyewon that he’s shared his first kiss with, jolt in unison. Hyewon’s scared shitless while Yoongi’s annoyed to death, the grunt he lets out pricking your ears further. “Sorry, sorry. She’s my best friend’s sister. She’s so annoying,” he drags you out of your room before he even gives you the entitlement to storm out of there in a fit of rage, seeing red the longer that he seems upset at you.

“What the fuck was that, Yoongi?” you grit through your teeth, the moment of you seeing red turn into white because you’re so frustrated that you could actually cry. Your chest’s heavy, not only out of rage, but out of everything that’s built up in the course of years.

“Can you keep it down?” Yoongi seethes, pursing his lips. “What, would you rather see us do it in the living room?”

“In the — what? Who do you think you are? This isn’t even your house, why are you bringing these girls here?” you point an accusing finger at him yet he doesn’t back away, his annoyance for you only growing tenfold.

He’s in the wrong no matter which way you look at it yet he doesn’t realize it, the epiphany that Yoongi genuinely thinks he’s in the right for doing this to you making your skin burn in fire.

“This is literally the first time I’ve ever done this! I can’t bring her back to my place, my dad has guests over!”

“So your smartest idea is to fuck someone in my bed?”

“Oh, you’re welcome. It’s the most action your four walls have ever seen,” he spits sarcastically, eyes narrowing at you. It takes little effort for him to dig up what you came to him for in worry and it terrifies you. The facet of Yoongi who had sternly told you that it was okay to be left behind if it means getting what you deserve, resembling nothing like him at the moment.

“I can’t believe you!” you whisper as you tremble, the tears pricking at the corner of your eyes. “I told you that in confidence.”

“In confidence? It doesn’t take a genius to figure out that you’re not exactly a catch, Y/N.”

You clench your jaw so hard that it hurts, you ball your fists so tightly that it stings.

You leave your home without saying another word.

.

.

.

Namjoon’s panicked.

He came home a little later than usual because he had maximized the life out of his soccer lessons, only getting the signal to leave when the lights were turned off. He was only slightly worried at the first place because he was supposed to cook dinner for the both of you, but he placated himself by realizing that you’re not the baby that he still thinks you are — you could cook dinner for yourself if you were hungry already.

He thinks nothing of it. In fact, he just makes a quick stop at the convenience store so the both of you could indulge in a liter of ice cream without your mom urging to leave some for another night. You could think of a recipe from scratch (and it almost always works out at the end), so Namjoon walked in fully thinking he’ll get to sniff whatever concoction you have.

Except, he walks into a completely dark house, and that’s when he panics.

He can’t find your slippers by the entryway and you’re not in your room either. You’re not at the other convenience store hunched over taking your chances on scratch tickets, and you’re not out on the street either going people-watching.

The panic rises in him the more that Namjoon grasps this is the first time that this has ever happened and he doesn’t know why. He’s always made an effort to be absorbed into both your personal and academic affairs, and as far as he knows, you’re neither in a sleepover nor on a field trip somewhere.

Namjoon thinks it’s his fault someway somehow, and the guilt can’t fully dissipate from him until he sees you.

“Hey, Yoongi,” he breathlessly gasps the moment his friend answers, the latter being surprised because he thought it was you who was calling him after what happened awhile ago.

It’s his fault and he’s realized that hours too late, and the selfish part of him thinks that it’s you calling at ten in the evening begging for forgiveness.

“What’s up, man? It’s late,” he wonders out loud, thinking for a second if they were too much of the Siamese twins that you tease them to be because he can’t think of a rational reason why Namjoon would call him at this time of night.

Namjoon raggedly exhales, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah, sorry about that. I’m just wondering if you’ve seen Y/N by any chance?”

Yoongi’s heart drops so loudly that Namjoon thought for second that his friend had hung up on him, his urgency being shared the moment that he asked.

“What? Y/N isn’t home?” Yoongi asks in disbelief, immediately being filled with anxiety and disbelief. Just awhile ago, the two of you were arguing outside of your room. He did hear you leave, but he had fully expected for you to be back hours ago. He’s wracked with guilt all over, the drop in his chest amplified by the pit in his stomach.

“She’s not. Practice ran late and I-I know she’s responsible so I didn’t hurry home,” Namjoon recalls, being more and more frazzled by the second. “She left her phone here, and mom isn’t here either because she’s visiting my grandparents, a-and I don’t want to call her because I know she’ll be worried, a-and-…”

Yoongi interrupts him, the tremble in his fingers only enabling him to dig his nails into his palm deeper. “I’m coming over. Let’s look for her together.”

It barely takes a minute for the both of them to come together, not even exchanging any pleasantries with each other before Yoongi steps on the gas. 

Namjoon’s filled with guilt, the type that only a sibling could carry as a burden. He thinks he was too selfish — too accustomed to pulling your own weight that it must have given you the impression that you had no other choice but to. Whatever it was that made you leave out of the blue, Namjoon thinks he could’ve done more. He should’ve came home and made you dinner as promised, for starters. He’s guilty over the fact that he’s the only close familial male figure in your life and he let this happen, as he makes Yoongi put his headlights on high-beam, scanning for anyone that looks remotely like you.

Yoongi, on the other hand, is filled with a guilt he can’t even begin to explain. It corrodes him from the inside-out in realization that he’s to blame for your sudden disappearance, the fact that Namjoon comes to him first to help find you not helping at all. If only your brother knew what he had done to you, he’s positive that he’ll be on the receiving end of a punch — what gets him more is that Yoongi wouldn’t blame him at all.

They see you in the bus stop two cities away, dressed in the same clothes you ran out with. 

Namjoon’s relieved beyond compare while Yoongi’s fuming, his hands tucked inside his jacket to prevent himself from squeezing you into an embrace; neither of you deserve it. 

There’s an underlying anger within Namjoon, one that lies behind the back of his throat as he checks you over for any injuries. The two of you walk ahead to Yoongi’s car while he himself trails behind, his heart significantly calmer than it was the past hour, yet nowhere near normal.

“Wanna tell me what you did?” your brother hums, trying to exhale the worry that’s embedded into him with each squeeze he gives around your shoulders.

“Went to the convenience store, bumped into my friends, then we took this impromptu roadtrip to go to the night market, then we all had our first actual shot of liquor and not just beer, my friend who owns the car turned out to be a lightweight, and now everyone just has to commute home,” you narrate in recollection, squeezing Namjoon back to try and ground him.

“Okay,” he answers simply, nodding. “Wanna tell me what happened before you did all those things?”

The breathless chuckle that leaves you is empty, void of any amusement at all. You smile nonetheless, unable to placate both yourself and Namjoon. “Nope.”

You arrive in silence to Yoongi’s car, the words unsaid between the three of you generating more tension than your brief disappearance itself.

Yoongi opens the front door for you, but you settle for sitting in the backseat.

better off

pairing: reader x jeongguk

@moonchild1​ requested: “I was just listening to better off by ariana (one of my favourites) so I thought I’d recommend it for a angst and smut fic with jungkook the lyrics says it all…”

summary: things get messy after a one night stand with your labelmate

genre: angst; smut; celebrity!au;18+;

soundtrack: better off—ariana grande (highly recommend listening to this version )

content/warnings: fake dating; friends with benefits; fuckboy!jeongguk; swearing; mentions of sex

a/n: this took me entirely too long to write 😭 I made so many drafts and I still cut in in half smh. also not beta’d bc I just need it to get this story out of my head!! 

word count: 3.3k

♪ I’m better off without him. I’m better off being a wild one♪

“Fancy seeing you here.”

You jumped and let out a little curse when the champagne sloshed out of the pretty flute in your hands. You’re taken back by the sweet, familiar voice cutting through the afternoon quiet.

“Sorry,” he said, “I didn’t mean to startle you..”

You’d know that voice anywhere. Of all the places you worried about running into your ex—in the studio, at the label, on the red carpet—you never imagined running into Jeongguk on the rooftop of a stranger’s party.

Keep reading

---

The Catch (Part 2)

Your daughter is the most important person in your life. Her father? Not so much. He's been away for years, and now he wants to come back.

Pairing: Seokjin x F!reader

Rating: 18+

Word count: 11k

Genre: Smut, angst, fluff

Warnings: Single parenthood, sex and swearing

Part 1

Part 2

‘You want to go on holiday together,’ you repeat after Seokjin.

‘Somewhere hot, and sunny. A winter break,’ Seokjin says, nodding.

To be fair, he’s making it sound pretty enticing.

‘Chaeyoung wants to meet Reiha too.’

And just like that, your stomach drops.

‘You want us to go on holiday together with you and Chaeyoung,’ you say.

‘It’s a really nice resort,’ Seokjin says. ‘I’ll pay for everything.’

‘I don’t need your money, Seokjin,’ you say automatically, and your eyes focus in on his lips when you realise he’s mimicking you, having heard you say this exact sentence umpteen times over the last few weeks.

‘Are you twelve?’ you ask, scathing.

Seokjin grins at you.

‘Come on. I’ll hire out a separate villa for you, so if you and Chaeyoung don’t get along you don’t even have to see each other.’

‘Why wouldn’t we get along?’ you ask.

‘Women fight over me sometimes,’ Jin mutters.

You roll your eyes so hard you nearly give yourself a headache.

Reiha, of course, is ecstatic at the news.

And that’s how you find yourself going to the Maldives for five days with Kim Seokjin, his beautiful movie star girlfriend Chaeyoung and your superstar of a daughter Reiha.

***

One flight and a seaplane later, you tip the man who’s set your bags down in the huge villa Seokjin’s organised and admire the view.

You’ve never been to the Maldives before, and it’s stunning. To be fair, you haven’t been on holiday in years.

The sky’s a cerulean blue, and the sparkling ocean is so clear you can almost see the fish from here.

Reiha’s bouncing on the huge bed, and you throw your reservations to the wind and bounce along with her.

‘Mom, this is amazing!’

‘I know!’

You race through the villa, realising with delight that it’s bigger than you expected, with two bedrooms, both overlooking the ocean, two bathrooms, a huge living room and a tiny kitchen.

‘Let’s go swimming,’ Reiha says.

You can’t get changed fast enough.

You’re splashing in the ocean, horsing around with Reiha when you see Seokjin and Chaeyoung approach.

Chaeyoung had seemed nice enough, you met her for the first time on the plane. She’s beautiful, of course, and her and Seokjin look stunning together. She hadn’t said much to you, but she’d smiled kindly at Reiha, which had been enough to win you over.

Seokjin splashes out to join you and Reiha. You don’t remember him being much of a swimmer, but of course you last knew him when you were teenagers. He’s had time to get better since then.

‘Race to the shore?’ you challenge Reiha. You used to go swimming together a lot when she was younger, although you haven’t been in a while.

Reiha nods. She gets her competitive streak from you.

‘I’m in,’ Jin says.

You have no idea who wins because of all the cheating. Jin had given Reiha a head start, not realising how fast she was. Then the bastard had yanked your leg to hold you back and you’d gone under. You’d retaliated by tackling him in the water and then swimming off with Reiha.

‘Can we go snorkelling mom?’ Reiha asks, hopeful.

‘Sure, baby. Do you want to go with Jin and Chaeyoung?’ you ask.

‘Chaeyoung doesn’t want to snorkel,’ Jin says. ‘So it’d be just me and Reiha. Want to come?’

‘Ah, sure.’

Jin and you wait as Reiha’s fitted with a snorkel and mask.

‘She’s a great swimmer,’ Jin says, something like pride in his expression as he looks at her.

‘We used to go every week,’ you tell him. You’d tried hard to do something fun with Reiha in her early years, when everything was expensive and difficult.

‘Thank you,’ Jin says, and there’s a note in his voice that makes you look at him.

‘What are you thanking me for now?' you ask.

‘For doing all the work for the both of us,’ he says.

Your eyes snap to his.

‘Yeah, well, thanks for organising all this, and for paying for it,’ you tell him. ‘It’s kind of you.’

‘I’m not –‘ Jin breaks off as Reiha runs up to both of you.

***

You and Reiha are walking to dinner in the resort.

‘This is so awesome, mom. I can’t wait for tomorrow,’ Reiha says. She hugs you unexpectedly.

You hug her back. ‘What should we do tomorrow?’

‘More snorkelling,’ Reiha says.

You join Jin and Chaeyoung at their table.

Chaeyoung smiles at you. ‘The food is meant to be excellent. We’re having lobster.’

‘Ah thanks for the recommendation,’ you tell her.

‘I’d like a burger,’ Reiha announces.

You have to laugh at your daughter’s food preferences. ‘I’ll have the swordfish,’ you tell the waiter.

‘Can we go snorkelling tomorrow, dad?’ Reiha asks Jin. You see the faintest flicker of something in Chaeyoung’s eyes at the use of ‘dad’. You guess it must be pretty weird for your boyfriend to suddenly be the dad of an eleven-year-old.

‘How did you and Jin meet?’ you ask Chaeyoung.

‘Oh, through our management company,’ Chaeyoung tells you. ‘His manager thought we’d get on and set us up on a date.’

She laughs. ‘He was so awkward! I almost didn’t agree to a second date.’

You smile. ‘Guess he was nervous.’

‘It’s our one-year anniversary next week,’ Chaeyoung says. ‘I’m glad we managed to get away.’

That makes you feel a little awkward. Again, you guess it must be pretty weird to go on a holiday with your boyfriend’s daughter and ex-girlfriend.

‘This is a great place to go on holiday,’ you say, neutrally. Your gaze meets Jin’s, and he’s looking at you, another expression on his face you don’t understand.

***

The next morning Jin comes over to your villa.

‘Hey, Chaeyoung’s organised a spa day for you and her. I thought it’d be a good opportunity to take Reiha snorkelling and maybe check out the sea turtles,’ Jin says.

You’re torn. You’d love a spa day, but you’d also like snorkelling.

‘You don’t have to go on the spa day, it was just an idea,’ Jin tells you.

You guess this is what it’s like to be a grown up. ‘Oh sure, a spa day sounds fun,’ you say. ‘As long as you guard Reiha with your life, Seokjin.’

‘I won’t let anything happen to her,’ Jin promises you.

‘Because I will hurt you,’ you say, trying to sound menacing.

Jin laughs. ‘If you weren’t the shortest person here I might be able to take you seriously.’

‘I’m not short,’ you grumble.

‘No, you’re not. But I’m glad Reiha gets her height from me,’ Jin says, grinning.

He pauses. ‘She gets her determination from you though. When she’s concentrating, she looks just like you.’

You’ve never noticed that.

‘It’s cute,’ Jin coos.

‘Ugh. Get lost,’ you say, pushing his hands away as he tries to tug your ponytail.

***

As much as you hate to admit it, a spa day was a good choice. You’re relaxing on a massage bench, having hot stones laid on your back, being pummelled to within an inch of your life, and you feel great.

Chaeyoung looks over at you as you join her in the jacuzzi.

‘The massage was a good idea,’ you tell her enthusiastically.

She just smiles. ‘I prefer this to anything active to be honest. Jin tired me out last night.’

You work hard not to have any sort of visible reaction to her words.

‘It’s a romantic place,’ you agree.

‘What about you?’ Chaeyoung asks. ‘Do you have a partner?’

‘Oh no,’ you reply. ‘I’ve just started seeing someone though.’

You’ve been on a few dates with Yoongi. You think it’s going well. You’re by no means a relationship expert, but you know he’s a nice guy, and you know he likes you.

Chaeyoung hums. ‘Seokjin’s a romantic guy. Didn’t you find that when you were dating him?’

‘Oh well, we were fifteen,’ you tell her, honestly. ‘We were in school together, not the most romantic place.’ You laugh self-deprecatingly.

‘For our six-month anniversary he took us to Paris,’ Chaeyoung muses. ‘He’s generous too. He’s bought me so much jewelry I had to tell him to stop.’ She laughs, tinkly.

You’re not sure what’s triggering all this girl talk but it’s making you feel a little small.

‘Lucky you,’ you say. You stand up. ‘I’m getting a little pruney. I might go and grab a drink before our facials.’

As you’re waiting outside the spa, you hear Chaeyoung’s name called.

‘Hey, gorgeous,’ says a beautiful man, walking up and embracing her.

‘Hobi!’ says Chaeyoung, looking pleased to see him. ‘I didn’t know you were here too!’

‘I’m here with Jimin and Jungkook,’ Hobi says. ‘How long are you here? We should have dinner together.’

‘That would be lovely,’ Chaeyoung says. ‘Seokjin’s here, of course.’

Hobi is looking at you with interest, probably wondering what Chaeyoung’s doing with someone so obviously not a celebrity.

‘This is Y/N,’ Chaeyoung says.

You smile and hold out your hand. ‘Nice to meet you.’

‘Likewise,’ he says, smiling at you charmingly. ‘I’m Hoseok.’

‘We have to get going, Hobi, we’ll miss our slot. But dinner. Tonight?’

‘Yeah, we’re up for dinner,’ Hoseok says. He smiles at you politely as you walk off.

***

When you arrive for dinner, Jin and Chaeyoung are sitting with Hoseok and two other men you don’t know.

They’re a beautiful group, you feel pretty intimidated.

Reiha looks up at you. ‘Shall we go and eat together?’

‘Sure, baby. We can do whatever you want.’

You’re turning around, hand on Reiha’s shoulder, when Jin comes up to you.

‘Hey, where are you going?’ he asks. ‘There’s seats for you next to me.’

You look at Reiha, who’s looking up at Jin. For the first time in a long time, your daughter looks shy.

You’re just about to say you’ll meet Jin for breakfast when Reiha nods.

Reiha ends up sandwiched between you and a man called Jungkook. She admires his tattooed arm. In moments Jungkook is telling her all about his tattoos.

On the other side of you, Hoseok, who you met earlier, asks how you know Jin and Chaeyoung. Your eyes flick to Jin’s awkwardly before you answer. You have no idea how much his friends know about you and Reiha.

‘She’s my ex-girlfriend,’ Jin says, saving you. ‘Reiha’s my daughter.’

Hoseok’s eyebrows rise slightly, but the smile he gives you seems sincere.

‘She looks like a better version of Jin,’ he says lightly.

You laugh. ‘It’s my genes,’ you say, jokingly.

‘You are way prettier than Jin,’ Hoseok agrees.

You laugh off his compliment. ‘Better at swimming too.’

‘We’re going to swim out to a wreck tomorrow,’ Jungkook says, from the other side of you. ‘You’re welcome to come with if you’d like.’

‘Ah, I don’t know if Reiha would be up for it,’ you demur.

‘I’ll look after Reiha. We wanted to see the sea turtles again, anyway,’ says Jin.

You look at Reiha. ‘We’ll see.’

Reiha rolls her eyes. ‘You can go, mom. I’d rather hang with dad anyway.’

You pretend to be wounded at her statement. ‘I changed your diapers, young lady.’

Jimin, the beautiful man sitting across from Reiha, laughs suddenly. ‘I can’t imagine Jin changing diapers.’

‘I didn’t,’ Jin says, quietly.

‘You were always terrible at cleanup,’ you say, referring to when you had to do beach cleanup at school. ‘If it were up to you, the beaches would never be clean.’

Jin laughs. ‘I had other things to do at school.’ He says it so lightly it doesn’t sound suggestive.

Chaeyoung says, ‘Jin’s always had specific interests.’ She glances at Jin.

Thankfully your food arrives, because there’s a slight awkwardness in the air.

Jimin, Jungkook and Hoseok are good company, attentive to Reiha. Jungkook in particular seems good with her, telling her a selection of terrible jokes and showing her how to fling peas at Jin.

You excuse yourselves when Reiha starts yawning.

The next morning after breakfast, Jin sets off with Reiha and you head to meet Jungkook, Hoseok and Jimin.

‘Hi,’ you say, a little shyly. They’re good-looking guys, and you don’t know them that well.

Hoseok smiles at you, friendly as ever. ‘Ready for adventure?’ he asks, dropping his voice for dramatic effect.

You laugh. ‘Born ready.’

The wreck is more impressive than you imagined it, a huge dark mass teeming with swirling fish. Hoseok stays close to you, pointing things out. He startles easily, but doesn’t take himself too seriously.

When you come out of the water, Jungkook and Jimin start talking enthusiastically about the turtles they saw. Hoseok helps you disentangle your hair from your snorkel mask. He’s gentle, gentler than you would have been, and with him this close your face is practically in his chest.

Your face flushes at his proximity, and you hope he hasn’t noticed.

‘There,’ he says, handing you your mask, helping you tug your hair back off your face.

‘Thanks, Hoseok,’ you say, smiling up at him.

He smiles back. ‘Not a problem. It was nice snorkelling with you. These two just like scaring each other under the water.’

‘Yeah, it was fun,’ you tell him.

‘Want to grab a drink?’ Hoseok asks. He looks so handsome, tanned and windswept, that you find yourself saying yes.

You text Jin to check him and Reiha are ok and Hoseok takes you one of the bars in the resort.

He tells you about a time he and Jin were cornered by photographers on the way out from a club. ‘And then, Jin had organised for the girls to be picked up first, but they took them to the wrong hotel. And so it ended up being just me and him.’

You laugh. ‘Pop star life.’

‘He used to spend any time off he had going back home,’ Hoseok tells you.

This is news to you. You’d never run into Jin bar that one night five years ago. You guess his family were pretty good at keeping his visits under the radar.

‘He told me about you, once,’ Hoseok says.

You’re curious despite yourself. ‘Oh yeah? What did he say?’

‘When I met Jin he was training for his debut. He was always focused, a hard worker. He used to carry a picture of you in his wallet, and one day I asked about it.’

‘Jin didn’t have any pictures of me,’ you say, confused.

‘You were wearing bunny ears, it looked like a funfair,’ Hoseok says.

It comes back to you then. On one of your first dates Jin had taken you to a winter carnival. He’d won you a stuffed bunny at a shooting game, and you’d promptly won him a bigger one hooking a duck.

‘He used to say he was working so hard because he was doing it for you.’

You stare at Hoseok, not sure what to believe. ‘He left, and he didn’t get in touch until a few months ago,’ you say. ‘I guess he got over it.’

Hoseok sips his drink. ‘He was in a bad way a few years ago. It was after one of his trips back home, he said he’d seen you.’

‘Yeah,’ you say.

‘I’ve never seen anything or anyone have as much of an effect on Jin as you.’

You run a hand through your hair, frustrated. ‘What are you trying to say, Hoseok? Jin left us. If he wanted to see us, he could have got in touch anytime.’

‘All I’m saying is that Jin’s one of my closest friends. I want him to be happy, and he seems to be happy spending time with Reiha.’ Hoseok takes another sip of his drink. ‘And you.’

You blink back the tears suddenly filling your eyes. ‘He’s happy spending time with Reiha,’ you agree.

Hoseok puts his hand on your arm, and his eyes are kind. ‘And you,’ he repeats.

‘Why did you ask me how I knew Jin, if you knew?’ you ask.

Hoseok gives you a smile that’s pure mischief. ‘Just wanted to see what he’d say.’

***

It’s been a few weeks since you got back from holiday, and things have ramped up as it’s close to Christmas.

You’re watching Reiha play hockey whilst trying to make sure your calendar is updated, when a shadow appears over you.

You look up to see Jin holding out a coffee.

‘We could be more tactical about this,’ you say, thoughtfully, accepting the coffee. ‘If we alternated one of us could have a lie-in on a Saturday.’

‘But we wouldn’t be able to spend time together then,’ Jin says, smiling at you brightly.

‘That’s a hard ‘no’ from me,’ you mutter, pulling up yet another email from Reiha’s school.

Jin puts an arm around your shoulders, pulling you close.

‘I see you haven’t upped your game since high school,’ you complain, leaning away.

Jin just laughs. ‘I had enough game to date the prettiest girl in the school.’

‘What? You had another girlfriend? Two-timing son of a bitch,’ you complain.

Jin pinches your cheek gently. ‘You were the prettiest girl in school. No one else even compared.’

You frown up at him. ‘Look where all that flirting got us, Kim Seokjin.’

‘It got us Reiha,’ Jin says. ‘And you’re still the prettiest girl in the school.’

‘Ugh. How does Chaeyoung put up with you?’ you ask.

‘We broke up.’

You look up at Jin, more than a little surprised. ‘You seemed fine when we went on holiday.’

Jin looks out at the hockey pitch. ‘My priorities changed.’

‘I’m sorry,’ you tell him.

‘Don’t be. I’ve never been surer about anything in my life,’ Jin replies.

You’re quiet a moment.

‘Whilst you’re here, can I show you all these upcoming events at Reiha’s school, in case you want to attend any of them?’

Jin lifts the sunglasses he’s taken to wearing since he saw you wearing them and peers at the screen.

‘Sign me up for all of them,’ he says, waving a hand airily.

‘I’m not your secretary, Jin. I’ll send you a copy of my calendar and I’ll tell the school to add you to the mailing list.’

Jin frowns at the calendar. ‘You look sexy in a bikini,’ he says.

It’s so unrelated to what you’ve been taking about that it takes you a moment to regroup.

You ignore him.

‘I can buy you more bikinis,’ he offers.

‘I don’t need your money, Seokjin,’ you say, under your breath. Out of the corner of your eye you can see his lips moving as he mimics you.

You toss your sunglasses at him. He catches them without even blinking.

‘Looks like we have parents evening next week,’ he says, sounding completely serious.

‘Do you need a security detail to go with you?’ you ask, mocking.

To your disbelief, he almost seems to be thinking about it.

‘Better send out the NDAs now,’ you say.

Jin’s lips quiver. He looks like he’s trying to suppress a laugh.

‘Should we take separate cars? I can distract the paparazzi,’ you offer.

Jin tosses your sunglasses back at you, and you put them on, smirking to yourself.

‘You should wear a disguise,’ you say.

‘Shut up,’ Jin says.

***

You wave goodbye to Reiha and the teenager from next door who’s babysitting her and get into Jin’s car.

He reverses out of your driveway.

‘This is kind of like our first date,’ he says, glancing in the rearview mirror at you.

‘The only difference is, I’m on birth control now,’ you say, jokingly.

Jin almost looks proud. ‘The condom only split that one time,’ he says.

You’re appalled. ‘Do you think that’s some sort of testament to your virility? Oh my god, you do.’

You cover your face. ‘This is embarrassing. You’re a grown man, Jin.’

‘I’m grown,’ Jin says, suggestively.

‘Yeah, Chaeyoung told me all about it,’ you mutter.

‘What did she tell you?’ Jin asks. He sounds more curious than upset.

‘Nothing. She actually thought you were a romantic. She said you took her to Paris for an anniversary.’

Jin’s quiet, signalling to turn. ‘I’ll take you wherever you want.’

‘At this point I’d settle for you doing a Saturday so I can get some goddamned sleep,’ you say, yawning.

Jin looks at you, sympathetic. ‘You do look pretty tired.’

‘It’s been worse,’ you say. ‘Christmas is always tiring.’

‘How’s Yoongi?’ Jin asks, pulling into a space in front of the school. ‘Have you dumped him yet?’

You laugh. ‘He’s fine. He’s away for Christmas.’

‘I’m glad,’ Jin says. He shuts off the engine. ‘I don’t want to share you and Reiha over the holidays.’

‘I’m going to have to see my parents at some point,’ you say, falling into step beside him.

‘I’ll take you. I need to see them anyway.’

You look up at Jin. ‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ Jin says.

You look at him thoughtfully.

‘Jin. Can you take those sunglasses off. They actually make you stand out more. And it’s like 8pm.’

‘Ok,’ says Jin, grimly. ‘But just remember you’re responsible for protecting me.’

***

Jin’s not wrong in that his appearance at the parents’ meeting does cause a bit of a stir. His good looks would get him attention anyway, but he’s also got an innate presence that makes heads turn.

You’re sitting in front of Reiha’s teacher, Mr Kim, an intense looking man with a gorgeous smile.

‘She’s doing great. I’ve got no concerns,’ he says. ‘She participates in class and she’s confident and she helps others. Was there anything you were concerned about?’

‘Not particularly,’ you say. You look to Jin. ‘Did you have any questions, Jin?’

Jin’s looking through a poem Reiha’s written. ‘She’s so creative,’ he says, proudly.

‘She is,’ Mr Kim agrees. ‘She’s a good writer.’

‘Thanks very much, Mr Kim,’ you say, getting up.

‘Ah, call me Taehyung,’ he says, smiling at you. He puts out his hand for you to shake and you smile back at him.

Jin nudges you as you wait in line to speak to the hockey coach. ‘What was that?’ he asks.

‘What was what?’ you ask, offering him gum from your bag.

Jin accepts. ‘Oooo thank you very much Mr Kim, sir,’ he says, putting a simper in his tone.

You burst out laughing. ‘I didn’t call him sir!’

‘You can call me sir,’ Jin says, not missing a beat.

‘You’re disgusting,’ you say, sternly. ‘This is a parents’ meeting.’

Jin chews his gum obnoxiously, and you regret offering him any.

‘Did I ever make you cum?’ he asks.

‘Stop embarrassing us,’ you hiss. ‘Lower your voice.’

Jin’s counting on his fingers, and you’re staring at the ground, wishing for a black hole to appear and swallow you down. Or him.

‘Five,’ he says.

‘Five what?’ you ask, furious.

‘That hotel room, five years ago. I made you cum five times.’

You laugh loudly. ‘Hahaha,’ you say, trying to drown him out.

‘With my mouth, with my fingers, with my mouth again, then twice on my cock.’

To shut him up, you say, ‘Think how many more times you could have made me cum if you hadn’t dumped me.’

Jin turns to you. ‘It’s the biggest regret of my life, and I’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you.’

You wait together in silence until it’s your turn to be seen.

***

Yoongi’s back from his trip, and you can’t wait to see him. You’re checking how your ass looks in the new lingerie you bought to surprise him when there’s a knock at your door and it opens.

Jin stares at you. ‘Holy fuck,’ he breathes.

You cover yourself with your hands, scurrying for your clothes. ‘Fuck! Don’t you knock? Where’s Reiha?’

‘She’s – fuck!’ Jin stops and looks at the ground to stop his eyes from roaming over your body.

‘Fuck!’ you echo.

‘I knocked,’ Jin says, holding up his hands defensively as you slip a t-shirt over your head and throw a pillow at him.

‘You don’t just knock and come in,’ you argue, throwing another pillow at him.

Jin takes two steps into the room and grabs your hands. ‘Stop throwing things at me!’

You wriggle in his grasp, and Jin licks his lips as he looks down at you.

‘What I wouldn’t give –’ he stops, and starts again. ‘What wouldn’t I give to bury my face –’

You stop wriggling. ‘Stop, Jin,’ you say. ‘Please, stop.’

‘I’m sorry,’ he says. He lets go of your wrists. ‘Fuck, I’m sorry, baby.’

‘I’m not your baby,’ you say. There’s a feeling in your chest that’s dangerously close to hope, and you can’t do this with Jin again.

You can’t.

‘Get out of the room, Jin,’ you tell him, voice flat.

‘I’m sorry, Y/N,’ he says. He turns and leaves the room.

***

Yoongi’s a perceptive man. He touches your arm.

‘What’s on your mind?’ he asks.

‘Just people,’ you tell him. You turn into his chest. ‘My ex.’

Yoongi drops his chin onto your head. ‘What’s he done?’ he asks.

‘He broke up with his girlfriend and since then he’s been acting like he wants us to get back together.’

‘Is that what you want?’ Yoongi asks.

‘No. How could I ever trust him again after what he did?’ you say. ‘I can’t do that to myself again.’

‘Want me to have a word with him?’ Yoongi offers.

You’ve never had a man volunteer to stand up for you before.

You look up at Yoongi. ‘No, but thank you. I’m pretty good at fixing my own problems.’

Yoongi nods. ‘I know you are. I’m here, though, and I’d love to help you, with anything.’

‘I know what you can help me with,’ you say.

Yoongi laughs, low. You can feel the rumble in his chest.

‘Yeah?’ he asks.

‘Got some new lingerie for you,’ you tell him.

Yoongi nuzzles your neck. ‘Let me see,’ he murmurs, lips ghosting the skin of your neck, making you shiver.

‘Help me get this off,’ you tell him.

Yoongi obliges, because he’s good like that.

***

Sometimes you can’t tell what Yoongi’s thinking. You’ve been dating on and off for months now, periods of seeing each other interspersed by periods of radio silence. He travels, but he also spends a lot of time in the studio and sometimes his and your schedules are incompatible.

He knows about Reiha, and about Seokjin, your famous ex-boyfriend, and the situation you’ve found yourself in.

You think he likes you. He seems to be attracted to you, and he’s pretty damn good at making sure you enjoy yourself as much as he seems to when you’re in bed together.

Reiha and Seokjin are spending the weekend together, she’d gone over on Friday night, and he’s dropping her off on Sunday morning.

He’s quiet tonight, seemingly lost in thought. He hasn’t said much since you had sex, you’re wondering if you should make yourself scarce. Maybe you’ve outstayed your welcome, you’ve never really stayed more than a night before.

‘Hey,’ you say, gently touching his shoulder. ‘I should get out of here. Can I do anything for you before I go?’

‘Nah,’ he says. ‘I’ve got a few things I need to work on.’

His acknowledgement that you should go stings a little, but you’re glad he’s being honest about it.

‘Sure, no worries. You can just tell me to go, you know.’ You smile and pick up your bag. Thankfully you’d gotten dressed after you’d had sex, so there’s no awkward fumbling with clothes.

You drive home, and once you’ve parked you look at your darkened house. The idea of going in to emptiness, with Reiha gone, doesn’t really appeal to you.

You pick up your phone and call Jin. He answers in the first few rings.

He sounds pleased to hear from you. ‘Hey! Just checking in on us?’

‘Yeah,’ you say, hoping your voice sounds normal. ‘Can I come over?’

‘Of course,’ he says, immediately. ‘I’m making hot chocolate, I guess I can make you some too.’

‘Great,’ you say. ‘I’m on my way.’

‘Drive safe,’ he says. ‘See you soon.’

***

You arrive to Reiha and Jin drinking hot chocolate in Jin’s huge kitchen, listening to a podcast about mindfulness.

As soon as you get in, Jin grabs you in a hug. He holds you for a moment, looking down at you. ‘Hey, are you ok?’

He’d known you were meant to be with Yoongi this weekend.

You force a smile. ‘Yeah, of course.’ You turn away to give Reiha a hug. ‘Didn’t want to miss the hot chocolate.’

Jin doesn’t look like he’s convinced, but he plays along when you swipe his hot chocolate, complaining to Reiha about you. Reiha, your loyal daughter, defends you until he buys her off with extra marshmallows.

It’s a scene you never thought you’d experience, your daughter and her father ganging up on you over hot chocolate on a Saturday night.

You’re still too scared to accept that this happiness is your present, let alone your future.

After Reiha goes to bed in the huge room Jin’s had decorated for her, you’re loading the dishwasher when you hear Jin come back in the room.

‘Drink?’ he asks.

You turn around and realise he’s holding up a bottle of wine and two glasses.

‘Yeah, I could use one,’ you sigh.

He waits until you’ve taken your first few mouthfuls before he says, ‘What’s wrong? Did something happen with Yoongi?’

You try to force another smile but it doesn’t come. ‘He was busy,’ you tell Jin.

‘He’s an idiot,’ Jin says, decisively. ‘I’d never be too busy –’ He breaks off.

The laugh that comes out of you is more bitter than you’d like it to be.

‘You’d never be too busy for me?’ you ask, completing his sentence. ‘But you were, Jin.’

Jin’s getting up from his seat, coming around his kitchen island to you.

He stops in front of you. ‘I can’t change what I did. All I can do is try and show you that I’ve changed. I’m not the same person who left you.’

You can barely look at him. ‘What’s the catch, Jin? You can’t walk in here after eleven years and just expect us to all play happy families for the rest of our lives.’

‘There’s no catch,’ Jin says, resolute. ‘I promise you, I’m not going to leave you again.’

‘Jin, I-‘

Your words trail off when you realise he’s leaning down to you. His hand lands on the small of your back, and his lips stop a whisper away from yours.

‘Can I kiss you?’ he asks.

You close your eyes and give in. The kiss is so sweet you can feel tears pricking your eyelids. This is the Jin you fell in love with as a teenager, this is the Jin you’ve been in love with all these years.

He has so much power over you, it’s devastating.

Jin’s kissing you slowly, languidly, like he has nothing but time for you. You part your lips first, and his tongue licks into your mouth, deepening the kiss. His hard chest presses against yours, the friction making your nipples peak. His hand’s still on the small of your back, fingers splayed, thumb rubbing circles against you.

‘Jin,’ you breathe when your lips part.

‘Yeah?’ he asks. He’s looking at you, lips swollen from your kisses, and he’s so beautiful you almost can’t believe he’s real.

Jin doesn’t wait for you to answer his question. He’s already dipping his head down to kiss you again, dragging his lips over yours, pulling your hips against his, showing you how hard he is for you.

‘Come to bed,’ he says. He takes your hand and leads you to his bedroom.

***

It feels like you’ve been kissing Jin for hours, sweaty and breathless, limbs tangled. He’s stroking you over your panties, the pressure of his fingers relentless, drawing gasps from you. You rock your hips against his hand, trying to get more because he’s not giving you enough.

Jin nibbles your lower lip, distracting you just enough that it takes you a moment to notice he’s tugged your panties aside. He strokes over your clit, then slides two of his fingers inside you.

‘So wet,’ he marvels. ‘Your little pussy’s squeezing my fingers so tight.’

His thumb presses over your clit, and you cry out his name.

You look down at his fingers buried inside you, the way his forearm’s flexing as he thumbs your clit and the sight is so erotic you moan into Jin’s mouth.

‘Feel good, baby?’ Jin asks. He mouths at your breast over your lacy bra, tonguing your nipple, and you cry out again as you cum over his fingers. Jin fucks you harder, licking at your nipple until you put your hand against his arm.

He slows his pace but doesn’t remove his fingers. ‘I want to stay buried in this pussy forever,’ he grunts.

You clench around him involuntarily, and Jin hums his approval. ‘I think you want me to stay buried inside you, don’t you?’ he asks.

He sits up. ‘Panties off,’ he says. You lift your hips so he can tug your panties down.

Jin pushes your legs apart and plants a sloppy, open-mouthed kiss on your cunt. His tongue laps at your clit, and you keen.

‘Your clit’s so swollen,’ he tells you. ‘Your pussy tastes so good, baby.’

He holds you open, thumbs parting your lips so he can lick inside of you.

‘Jin,’ you moan.

‘Fuck,’ he groans. ‘So good.’ His face is deep between your legs, nose against your clit, his lips and tongue pressed against you, devouring you.

He reaches up to squeeze your breast, pinching at your nipple. He pushes his fingers inside you, stroking, scissoring, and your hips buck into his face.

You cry out his name again, and Jin fucks you harder. He wants to make you cum again on his fingers and tongue.

‘You want my cock baby?’ he asks, breathless. ‘I’m so fucking hard for you it hurts.’

Jin noses your clit again and again, tongue lapping at you, fingers thrusting. You pinch your own nipples, and Jin groans again. ‘Good girl.’

You can feel the pleasure spiralling again, tighter and tigher until Jin curls his fingers inside you and you cum again, gushing all over him.

Jin licks up your cum until you’re panting, boneless on the bed.

‘You can give me one more,’ he tells you. He curls a hand around his cock, so hard it looks painful.

You turn over onto your front and lift your ass in the air for him. You turn your head just in time to see Jin squeezing the head of his cock.

‘Fuck,’ he says, and there’s a wry smile on his face. ‘I nearly just came right there and then. This ass. Fuck.’

You wriggle your hips, and Jin slaps your ass.

The head of his cock breaches you, and you moan at the stretch.

‘So tight,’ Jin hisses. He pushes in, inch by exquisite inch, and by the time he’s fully inside you, you’re beyond words.

He stays like that, unmoving, letting you adjust to him.

You arch your back. ‘Jin,’ you whine.

‘Want more? Greedy,’ Jin says, but he sounds pretty smug about it.

He waits a moment more, and you know it’s only because you’re getting more desperate for him to move by the second.

If there’s one thing Jin knows how to do, it’s how to make you wait for him.

You bury your face in his pillow so that he can’t hear you groaning in frustration.

Finally, you push up on the bed and twist your torso towards him. ‘Jin, baby, please,’ you say, leaning back against his chest. You press your lips to the beautiful column of his neck, and he curls an arm around the front of your pelvis, holding you against him.

‘Turn around, I want to see your face,’ Jin tells you.

The intimacy of his weight on you, his cock inside you, his face next to yours, is almost unbearable. You’re looking at the hollow between his collarbones when he says, ‘Hey. Look at me when I’m fucking you. ‘

Your eyes snap to his, and he’s smirking at you.

‘I can’t stand you,’ you tell him. Jin just laughs.

‘Don’t lie to me when I’m balls deep inside you,’ he tells you, voice like velvet. ‘You’ve been squeezing me non-stop since I got inside you. You’re so wet.’ He punctuates his words with a thrust.

‘You think you hate me, but your body knows better, baby.’

Jin rocks his hips against yours, smooth, slow. You tilt your pelvis, meeting him thrust for thrust, and finally, you see his control begin to break.

‘Need you to fuck me hard, Jin,’ you murmur. ‘I wanna cum on this cock.’

Jin sucks in a breath, and you nibble his ear.

‘I want it, Jin,’ you tell him. ‘Give it to me.’

‘Fuck, fuck, fuck,’ Jin says, picking up the pace. ‘I’ll give it to you, baby, I’ll fucking give it.’

You press your lips to the sensitive skin of his neck and suck, hard, making a bruise bloom.

Jin moans, and he sounds so beautiful you suck another hickey into his skin just to hear it again.

Jin’s hand slips down between your bodies to thumb your clit. You press your fingers over his to help, letting the tension build until you’re cumming, pulsing around his cock.

Jin’s almost unintelligible now, a litany of fucks slipping from his lips. He slows right before he cums, calling your name. His lips find yours, and you kiss again and again, trying to stay together even when he softens and slips from you.

When you next open your eyes, you’re curled up against Jin’s chest. His arm is sleep-heavy, weighting you down. One of his legs is thrown over your hips, and his cock is warm against your thigh.

You realise by his breathing that he’s awake, looking down at you, eyes bright.

‘Jesus. You’re so clingy,’ you say, but you make no move to get away.

Jin pulls you closer. ‘I’ve been watching you sleep. Like a stalker. And trust me, I know all about those.’

You stretch under him. ‘You’re so much more tolerable when you’re fucking me,’ you tell him.

Jin nods. ‘You too,’ he agrees, smirking at you. ‘You’re so much less prickly after you cum a few times.’

‘What time is it? We should check on Reiha,’ you say, sleepily looking around for the time.

‘I’ve already checked. She’s fine. She slept through that racket you made,’ Jin tells you.

You nudge his cock, which is getting harder and more insistent by the second, growing against your hip. ‘Get this thing away from me.’

‘I’m gonna give it to you in a second,’ Jin promises. ‘If you’re good.’

His hand’s already sliding across your hips, turning you on your side to face him. He’s already hard enough that he’s inside you with the slightest push of his hips. You’ve only just woken up, but the slide feels good, lubricated by his cum, the stretch exquisite. A few thrusts and you’re slick enough for him to move faster.

Jin pulls your leg over his hips to thrust harder against you. This time isn’t as frantic as the last time, the urgency building slower. He kisses your breasts, licking at your nipples, blowing on them until you’re whining, arching back against him.

‘You look so pretty,’ Jin tells you. There’s a light sheen of sweat on his brow and on his bare chest, and you think he’s the pretty one.

‘You’re so pretty when you let me love you,’ he tells you.

His words make you freeze, stiffening up enough that he notices. ‘Are you ok?’ he asks, trying to get you to look at him.

You’re rallying past the sudden pang in your chest. ‘Yeah,’ you lie. ‘You’re just irritating me.’

Jin pulls out of you. ‘I love you,’ he says.

You’d be a fool to believe him, you remind yourself.

You sit up, turning away from him. ‘Don’t make it more than it is, Jin.’

Jin’s grabbing your shoulder. ‘You don’t have to say it back. I just want you to know.’

‘How am I supposed to believe you, Jin?’

Jin turns your face to his. ‘I’m working on it, Y/N.’ He gets up and holds out a hand.

‘Come on. Let’s go watch the sunrise. I’ll make you a coffee.’

You look up at him and back at the bed.

Jin laughs. ‘I’ll make pancakes when Reiha wakes up and you can have a lie-in then.’

Jin brings you a mug of coffee as you curl up in the huge sofa overlooking the floor to ceiling glass windows of his kitchen.

He sits next to you and brushes your hair away from your face. ‘I could do this with you for the rest of my life,’ he says.

You swallow down the snappy comeback that automatically comes to your lips, and instead lean your head on his shoulder, letting him hold you as you watch the first rays of the sun light the horizon.

***

You look at the riot of flowers that’s taken over your office in disbelief.

It’s your birthday, but you haven’t told anyone.

Certainly not – ‘Jin and…. Min Yoongi,’ reads Eun-Woo, your secretary, looking through the cards.

You’d expect this kind of craziness from Jin, if he ever remembered your birthday, but not Yoongi.

The last time you saw Yoongi you were leaving his house a rejected mess.

‘Can I see the card from Min Yoongi, please?’ you ask, holding out your hand.

Eun-Woo hands you the card. It’s typically brief, and so typically Yoongi you smile.

Y/N,

Happy birthday. I’m sorry for being a dick. Can I call you?

Yours,

Yoongi

‘Min Yoongi sent the peonies,’ Eun-Woo tells you, helpfully.

‘Christ. They’re all fucking peonies,’ you say.

Eun-Woo hands you another card. ‘This is the card from Jin.’

You tear the card open.

Baby,

I love you. I’m going to pick you up after work with Reiha so you can take all these flowers home with you. Dinner tonight?

Love Jin

P.S: Reiha said you liked peonies, so it’s all on her if you don’t.

‘How romantic,’ sighs Eun-Woo, reading over your shoulder. ‘He’s so handsome, too.’

You sigh, irritated. ‘Do you like peonies, Eun-Woo? Take as many as you want, and you can ask anyone else if they’d like some too.’

‘I couldn’t,’ says Eun-Woo, scandalised. ‘They’re for you, from your husband.’

‘I’m not married,’ you remind her, waving your ringless ring finger. ‘Especially not to either of these buffoons.’

Eun-Woo sighs, dreamily. ‘I’d love to have two gorgeous men fighting over me.’

‘How do you know they’re gorgeous. And they’re not fighting over me,’ you say irritably.

‘Min Yoongi’s that music producer isn’t he? And everyone knows Kim Seokjin. He came to your office the other day.’

You rub at your temples, willing away the headache that’s about to bloom.

‘Take as many flowers as you want,’ you tell Eun-Woo again. ‘I’m getting back to work.’

***

Jin steps out of the car to open the door for you.

‘Happy birthday, baby,’ he says. You’re not sure when he started calling you baby, but it seems so natural now you barely notice it. ‘Reiha got her period today.’

You get in the car, turning around to look at Reiha. ‘Hey, baby. Are you ok?’

Reiha nods. ‘Dad helped me.’

When she turned eleven, you gave Reiha a period pack to put in her backpack for school, with a selection of period underwear, pads and tampons.

‘Dad helped you?’ you ask, looking over at Jin.

‘Yeah,’ Reiha says. ‘He helped me pick out what to use.’

You’re surprised, to say the least.

Jin says, ‘I googled it.’

You send kind thoughts to the secret service agent monitoring Jin’s search history.

‘I’m kidding. I’m a grown man, I know how periods work.’ Jin looks offended that you’d ever think otherwise of him.

Reiha holds up the hot water bottle she’s been clutching. ‘This helps.’

‘Thanks,’ you say to Jin. You wouldn’t have picked Jin as the best person to help a pre-teen girl with her period, but he seems to have done well, judging by Reiha’s reaction.

‘I’m her dad,’ Jin says.

You wait for the punchline, but all Jin does is start the engine and start driving you in the direction of home.

You end up ordering in as Reiha’s not feeling up to going out. You watch a movie and cut a cake Jin’s picked up. You let Jin carry all the flowers into the house, including the dozens of peonies Yoongi sent you.

It’s one of the best birthdays you’ve ever had.

***

‘So are you coming?’ Jin asks casually, strolling into your kitchen and stealing a carrot stick before you can stop him.

‘To your funeral?’ you ask, wanting to clarify. ‘If I have nothing better to do.’

Jin steals another carrot stick. ‘To the awards ceremony. I’ve been nominated for one.’

‘Good for you,’ you say dryly. ‘I guess you’re good for something after all.’

Jin pretends to be hurt, clutching his chest dramatically.

‘You’d appreciate my voice if you weren’t so busy screaming for me when we’re in bed together,’ Jin says, huffily.

‘I do scream for you,’ you agree, sultry. You walk up to him, so close your breasts press against him.

Jin looks down at you, his gaze darkening.

‘Stop stealing the fucking carrots, Jin.’

You cup a hand around his cock and squeeze.

Jin licks his lips.

You break apart guiltily when Reiha strolls in.

‘Gross,’ she says, indifferent.

Once she’s strolled out again, Jin says, ‘Where was I? Oh yeah, I was just saying you can scream for me another way, if you come with me to the awards.’

‘Is that why you left the invitation out?’ you muse.

‘I should have known it was too subtle,’ Jin grumbles.

‘I’ll go,’ you decide. ‘If you sort the babysitter.’

‘Done,’ says Jin. ‘I’ve already called her.’

He filches a handful of carrot sticks and walks out. ‘Yeri’s having a bunch of dresses sent over for you. I’m wearing black and white, if you wanted to match.’

***

You aren’t used to having your hair and makeup done, but Jin is. He sits in a chair in one of his spare bedrooms, perfectly at ease, joking with the small army of people swirling around him as he gets ready for the awards show.

He’s up for an award for a song he recorded for a movie, a ballad that suits his voice perfectly.

You, on the other hand, are getting more and more anxious about it as time ticks on.

You can barely look yourself in the mirror, forcing a smile as the makeup artist compliments your skin. After your hair is styled, you leave the room to hide in the bathroom.

You stare at the clock on the wall, wondering if it’s too late to develop a stomach bug. Or to fake your own death.

There’s a knock on the door.

‘Baby?’ Jin calls. As usual, he doesn’t wait for you to answer, opening the door that you thought you’d locked.

‘I’m dying,’ you tell him, trying to sound pitiful.

Jin just laughs. ‘You’re the strongest person I know.’ He holds out a hand to you. ‘Come on, let’s get dressed together. I kicked everyone out.’

He really has. You walk with him to his now deserted room. ‘I’ll help you with your zipper,’ Jin says, waggling his brows suggestively.

You’re so busy trying to disentangle your slinky dress from its hanger that you don’t notice Jin is completely nude.

He smirks at you as your eyes drop to his cock. ‘Like what you see?’ he asks, curling his fingers around himself, pumping his cock, once, twice.

You ignore him and start unbuttoning your oversized shirt.

You step into the shimmery dress you picked out, and you feel Jin’s hands on your back. He’s gentle as he helps you with the zipper.

By the time you’ve had one last look in the mirror, Jin’s ready.

God, he’s handsome. His skin is buffed to perfection, his hair beautifully coiffed, and the tux he’s picked out sets off the breadth of his shoulders, the trimness of his waist, his height, perfectly.

‘You look beautiful,’ he tells you. He seems perfectly sincere, and so you respond in kind.

‘Thank you, Jin.’

‘Let’s go, baby,’ Jin says, holding out his arm, and you take it.

***

The awards show is less nerve-wracking than you expected. Jin skips the red carpet completely, a kindness you hadn’t been expecting.

He keeps his arm around you, anchoring you as he chats to various people he knows. Between his steady presence and the glass of champagne he handed you, by the time you get to your table you’re practically relaxed.

Jin leans over to you. ‘You ok, baby?’ he asks. He waits until you look at him.

‘I’m ok,’ you reply.

He pours you another glass of wine. ‘I can’t wait until we get home,’ he tells you.

‘Do you think you’ll win?’ you ask.

‘I’ve done a bit of campaigning for it,’ Jin replies. ‘Probably not enough.’ He looks up as someone approaches your table.

‘Donghyun,’ Jin says, warmly, getting up to embrace him.

You look up at Donghyun. You’d known you were likely to see him tonight, but you’re not prepared for the rush of emotions you feel as you come face to face with the man who bought you a house to keep you away from Jin.

His face is neutral, in fact, he smiles as he greets you. You reply politely, mechanically, taking another gulp of your wine as Donghyun joins your table and talks to Jin.

As Jin’s category comes up, he reaches over to hold your hand.

‘Good luck,’ you whisper.

‘I don’t need luck,’ Jin says, and the smile he gives you is pure confidence, partly for the cameras, but mostly because he’s Jin.

When he wins, he lifts your hand to kiss it, smiling at you before turning to accept congratulations from Donghyun. It’s an unusually public show of affection for Jin, a clear indicator to all the cameras focused on him of your togetherness. You see Donghyun looking at you, an unreadable expression on his face.

As Jin goes up to accept his award, Donghyun moves into Jin’s seat.

‘Are you prepared for everything about you to become public knowledge? You’re the one going to be laid bare here. You’re the one who’ll come off like a desperate fan who had Jin’s baby and now won’t leave him alone. Is that what you want for yourself? And your daughter?’

He speaks quietly, emphatically, and his words make you feel like you’ve been doused in freezing water. You’re so shocked you don’t reply, but he doesn’t seem like he’s waiting for one.

You don’t know how you get through the rest of the ceremony. Jin’s surrounded by well-wishers, fellow celebrities keen to congratulate him, and he’s swept away for press interviews and photographs.

You head away from the throngs of people, stepping outside the building, trying to gather your scattered thoughts.

Someone takes your arm, and you look up distractedly to see Min Yoongi.

‘Yoongi,’ you say, relief in your voice.

Yoongi looks at you carefully, then he’s leading you to a corner of the building, slipping his jacket off and wrapping it around your shoulders. He puts an arm around you and squeezes, briefly, and you lean into his touch.

‘He’ll probably be done soon,’ Yoongi tells you. ‘It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?’

You’re starting to calm now, soothed by Yoongi’s presence.

‘Apparently I’m a desperate fan who won’t leave Jin alone,’ you say, smiling wryly at Yoongi.

Yoongi’s bark of laughter makes you feel instantly better. ‘Who told you that?’ he asks.

‘His manager. He bought me a house back before Jin made it big, told me he hoped I wouldn’t have a reason to get in touch with Jin again.’

Yoongi runs a hand through his hair. ‘Fuck that. I can’t believe the shit you’ve been through.’

‘I have Reiha,’ you say.

Yoongi looks at you, and there’s affection in his eyes. ‘She’s lucky to have you.’

He gives you a crooked smile. ‘I was lucky to have you.’

‘God, so many flowers,’ you say, teasing.

‘I’m capable of a grand gesture. From time to time,’ Yoongi replies.

‘Thank you, Yoongi.’ You squeeze his hand.

Yoongi looks at your intertwined fingers then covers your hand with his other one, briefly.

‘Come on. He’ll be done now.’

You feel much stronger coming back in on Yoongi’s arm. He takes you through the crowded room and you see the relief on Jin’s face as he spots you.

He makes his way to you quickly, weaving through the crowd. He nods to Yoongi.

‘Don’t lose her again,’ Yoongi tells him.

You grab Yoongi’s arm as he turns to leave. ‘Will I see you?’

Yoongi flashes a smile at you. ‘Don’t worry. I’m around. I’ll probably be working with your husband, actually.’

‘He’s not my –’ you start, but you trail off at the look Yoongi gives you.

You’re still watching him go when Jin takes your arm. ‘Let’s go, baby.’

In the car, Jin turns to you.

‘Did Donghyun say something to you?’ he asks.

You’ve never been good at hiding your emotions.

‘What did he say?’ asks Jin. His voice is so gentle you find you want to tell him.

‘Did you know that you bought me the house we’re living in now?’ you ask.

His expression tells you he didn’t.

‘It was when Reiha was young, maybe 2 or 3. Childcare was expensive, my parents were helping out a lot, and I’d only just graduated. I wasn’t earning a lot. My dad had a stroke, and he had months of rehab ahead of him. My mom had to look after him, so I moved them in with us.’

You stop, because talking about it is making you remember how desperate you’d been.

‘It was so hard, Jin.’

Jin’s hand is stroking your arm. You aren’t sure it he’s aware he’s doing it. He’s looking at you so intently it gives you the courage to continue.

‘I went to visit your brother, and he gave me Donghyun’s number. I thought it was yours. So I called and he wanted to meet up.’

You stop again, and swallow. You’re still so ashamed of how you’d had to ask him for help when he’d wanted nothing to do with you.

Jin’s jaw is tense now, clenched, and you cover your face. ‘Fuck.’

‘Tell me,’ he says. He’s still touching you, hand warm on your arm.

‘He said he’d buy me a house, and that he expected I wouldn’t need to contact you for any more help.’

Jin huffs out a breath at that.

Now that you’ve said it, the words are pouring out of you.

‘It was pretty fucking desperate times, Jin.’

‘What did he say at the show?’ Jin asks.

‘He just asked if I was ready to be raked over the coals for being a ‘desperate fan’ who let you knock me up and now won’t leave you alone.’

You laugh, but there’s no humour in it.

‘He’s pretty good at looking out for you, Jin.’

‘I didn’t know you’d tried to contact me,’ he tells you. ‘If I’d known, it would have been different, I promise you.’

He pulls you into his arms. ‘How big is your heart that you’d even consider forgiving me after everything I put you through?’

You don’t have an answer for him, don’t have anything else to say.

Jin drives you home and parks outside your house. ‘I’m not coming in yet. I’ve got to speak to Donghyun,’ he says.

He’s still in his tux, his award sitting in the cupholder between you. He sees you looking at it.

‘I’m sorry,’ you say. ‘Fuck, I’ve ruined your night.’

Jin picks up his award and passes it to you. ‘Take this. You can do anything you want to it. Drop it in the trash if you want. It’s yours. Everything I have is yours, and I don’t ever want you to feel like you have to ask for anything. There’s no pride between us, not when you’ve given me everything I’ve ever wanted.’

He looks at you intently. ‘I’m sorry that I ever made you feel I wouldn’t give you anything you wanted. It’s all fucking yours, baby. I did it all for you.’

Jin’s got so much sadness in his eyes you lean forward and kiss him. He sighs into the kiss, lips melting into yours for a moment before he pulls away.

‘I’ve got to go, baby.’

You have no idea where you go from here.

You get out of the car and walk up to your house. Jin waits until you turn and wave before driving off. You unlock the door, and go to Reiha, and let her excited questions and squeals pull you out of the sadness of your past and into the practicalities of your present.

***

You wake up slowly, to the familiar sound of your coffee machine and Reiha chattering.

You blink, hope blooming in your chest.

You’re up and heading downstairs before you’re fully awake.

Reiha’s in the kitchen, talking excitedly to Jin. He’s still wearing his tux, there are dark circles under his eyes, and he looks as though he hasn’t slept.

He’s beautiful.

He gives you a crooked smile.

‘Hard night?’ you ask, but you’re already walking up to him. His arms around you feel like you’re coming home. You press a kiss onto his chest.

‘I think I fuc—messed up the pancake mix,’ he tells you, ruefully.

‘Why don’t you have a shower,’ you suggest. ‘I got this.’

Jin nods, running a hand through his hair. ‘Breakfast in bed?’ he suggests.

Reiha pipes up, and you realise she’s behind Jin, hugging him too. You pull her in between you.

‘Sure, but don’t get used to it,’ you say.

Jin kisses the top of your head. ‘Afternoon quickie whilst Reiha’s at piano?’ he suggests.

‘You’re pushing it,’ you say, but there’s a smile on your face.

***

You’re at your office when Jin calls.

‘I’m outside, can I come up?’

‘Yeah,’ you say. ‘Is everything ok?’

‘I’ll explain when I come up,’ Jin says.

Jin’s eyes drop to your pencil skirt when he reaches your office.

‘God, your ass looks good in this,’ he tells you, approvingly. ‘Like –’ He makes a cupping motion with his hand, and you take a quick step back.

‘Was this just a sexual harassment visit, Jin?’ you ask.

He shakes his head. ‘Not just –’ He grins, but his heart’s not in it. ‘You’d better sit down.’

‘Remember that awards show we went to together?’ he starts.

‘You mean, over the weekend?’ you ask dryly.

‘The press have been digging into your past, and mine,’ he says. ‘It’s about to blow up.’

He brings it up on his phone, and you blanch at the pictures of you and Jin at the awards show, and the picture of you and Yoongi outside the building the same night.

‘What hell is this?’ you ask.

‘They’ve contacted my team for a statement.’

‘What are you going to say?’ you ask.

Jin shrugs. ‘I’ll just tell them the truth. That I’m irresistible and you’re enthralled by me.’

‘So many big words,’ you tease.

Jin smiles. ‘I just want you to be prepared. They’ll probably try to find you at some point.’

‘And Reiha?’ you ask, concerned.

‘I’ve contacted the school to warn them, they’ve got a good handle on the situation,’ Jin says.

‘Look at you, like a proper dad.’

Jin sighs. ‘I wish I could still get off to being called daddy.’

‘Stop it, Jin,’ you say briskly.

You both laugh.

‘I don’t know what narrative they’re going to go with,’ Jin says. ‘But my team are all over it.’

‘Thanks for the heads up,’ you say.

Jin nods. ‘Is it your lunch hour soon? Quickie? Can you lock the door?’

‘Ok daddy,’ you say.

Jin lets out a half-groan, half-laugh. ‘That just makes me confused.’

You lean close. ‘My next appointment’s not for an hour,’ you tell him, ‘and Eun-Woo’s on lunch. Guess it’s your lucky day.’

Jin’s already pulling you in for a kiss.

***

Your phone lights up. It’s Yoongi.

‘Hey,’ he says, without preamble. ‘What’s this about me being some sort of romantic saviour?’

You sigh. ‘Want to meet for a coffee, Yoongi?’

‘Yeah, I’m a block away from your office.’

You meet Yoongi at a tiny café near his studio.

The press had a field day with you and Jin. Jin’s team released a statement confirming that he had a daughter with you, and since then there’s been endless speculation about your relationship. The photographs of you and Jin and you and Yoongi from the awards show have only added fuel to the fire.

Yoongi’s been painted as a romantic hero, saving you after you were jilted by Jin. Jin’s been the subject of the most questions, and you’re not surprised. The nation’s resident singing heartthrob turns out to have a family he never acknowledged publicly throughout his fame? It’s a TV melodrama that practically writes itself.

Thankfully, no one’s bothered Reiha or her school, and for that you’re grateful.

Yoongi pushes a coffee towards you. ‘The publicity’s working for me, don’t get me wrong. I’ve had more interest in me in the last few days than I’ve had in the last few months.’

‘I’m sorry, Yoongi. I didn’t mean to drag you into this.’

‘You misunderstand me,’ Yoongi says, quietly. ‘You don’t have to apologise. No one dragged me into anything. I just want to know if you’re ok.’

‘I’m fine. I’m getting pretty good at recognising photographers now,’ you tell him.

Yoongi curls his lip in a half-smirk. ‘Do you want me to make a statement?’ he offers.

‘Not unless you want to. I think being the romantic hero works with your brooding mysterious personality,’ you say, only half joking. ‘My secretary Eun-Woo wants your number.’

Yoongi grins. ‘Tell her I’m too busy pining over you.’

You laugh. ‘My hero.’

***

Later that night, Jin’s flopped out on your bed, staring at the ceiling. He’s been having trouble sleeping lately, he falls asleep after you and he’s usually up by the time you wake up.

You turn over. ‘Go on, share. You can’t just take on all my problems and not share your own.’

‘They want me to hold a press conference,’ Jin tells you. ‘Do some damage control.’

It’s the first time he’s acknowledged that the negative press is affecting him.

‘So do it,’ you say. ‘Say what you need to. I don’t need public opinion on my side, to do my job.’

‘I deserve it,’ Jin says.

You put your hand on his chest. ‘You don’t deserve to be publicly vilified for things we did when we were 17, Jin.’

‘I’m not throwing you under the bus,’ Jin says, harshly.

‘Maybe you need to,’ you say. ‘Who cares. My family know the truth, and so do me and Reiha.’

Jin turns to you, and you kiss him.

‘Come on, baby. If they’re going to crucify us for fucking, then let’s at least have a good time whilst we’re at it.’

Jin laughs. He makes love to you with a quiet intensity, saying your name as he rocks into you, clutching you tightly to him, mouth on your skin long after you’ve both cum.

Afterwards, he sleeps, finally.

***

It’s the day of Jin’s press conference. You’re running late after a painfully long meeting. You wave the pass he gave you at the security guards and jog into the room.

Jin’s sitting beside Donghyun and his publicist, Yeri. You don’t know if he’s seen you. The room’s full of people, reporters, photographers. There are tripods set up along the rows of seats.

He’s in the middle of a sentence. You take a few steps forward, walking down the centre aisle.

Someone’s asking him a question, but Jin’s finally spotted you. The smile on his face makes everyone turn to see what he’s smiling at.

He’s smiling at you, and you’re smiling back.

‘I made a lot of decisions at 17 that I regret,’ Jin says. He’s looking straight at you as he stands up. ‘And I’m still making up for my mistakes, every day of my life.’

He’s walking around the long table, heading down the steps of the makeshift stage.

He’s heading straight for you.

‘I must be the luckiest man in the world, because despite everything, I have the most wonderful daughter.’

He stops in front of you.

‘And I have you.’

You’re already lifting your arms, curling them around his neck as he leans down to kiss you.

The world explodes in a shower of flashing lights and a cacophony of noises, but you don’t see any of it. You don’t hear any of it, because Jin’s got his arms around you, and finally, finally, it feels right.

He's the love of your life, and he's finally home.

Epilogue

©hamsterclaw 2022

---

make-believe it’s hyperreal | jjk. (m)

The Chairman of Jeon Security has finally decided he needs a Vice Chairman to shoulder the responsibilities. You know you’re the only one at the company who deserves this post, so if everyone thinks the promotion should stay in the family? Well, fuck that shit; you’re gonna get engaged to your frenemy-with-benefits, Jeon Jungkook, and join the damn family! Or, at least – you’re gonna pretend to.

pairing: jungkook x reader

rating: m (18+)

genre: angst | smut | fluff | fake dating!au | enemies to lovers!au | fwb!au | chaebol!au | ceo!jungkook

word count: 20 k

— warnings: swearing + alcohol + misogyny in bulk + reader’s dad’s soul got left behind in the 13th century + unhealthy parental relations + daddy issues? ig? + hints of the beginnings of an emotional breakdown + angsty confrontations + some crying + pining + misunderstandings + insecurities + overthinking + multiple smut scenes + explicit sexual situations (dom!jk, sub!reader, sex against a wall, rough sex, unprotected penetrative sex, oral (f.&m.), kind of a rougH blowjob bec JK likes some teeth action, strength kink, biting, marking, dirty talk, degradation, praise kink, spanking, throat fucking, cum eating, face-riding, jungkook is still a Boob Guy™, one (1) playful/loving slap to one (1) boob, breast play, nipple biting, clit biting, pussy slapping, spanking…i think, orgasm denial, multiple orgasms) + A GLIMPSE INTO JK’S POV!!! + oc is sad in almost 75% of the fic :( + jk is sad in the last 5% :(

— note: i knoW it took me too long w this (pt.3 was posted in julY???) and i apologize :( i got busy w too fkn many exams and then a full time job and more exams - ugh. but it’s finally done! guys, the first dash of angst in the endless hilarity, are we excited? 👀 i hope y'all like the developments in the story~ 🥺💜

ps. title’s from lorde’s buzzcut season that makes my heart bleed for no reason <3

in case this is your first encounter with this universe: i would recommend reading at least disaster management to get a better grasp on the characters and setting, but to briefly summarize - jungkook and reader come from chaebol families that are great friends, but they have grown up as rivals even tho reader has always found him hot af. reader is working as vice president and now president at jungkook’s dad company, and he has recently (some ~4 years back) been brought on-board as the ceo whom she was earlier tasked to train. now, things have progressed b/w them physically but reader still can’t bear his presence.

— masterlist | taglist | feedback?

↝ the damsel & her knight ⁘ 01 02 03 [04] 05

You wonder if this conversation would still still be so unbearably shitty if your dad didn’t keep interrupting Chairman Jeon with his two cents every five seconds.

Probably not.

Keep reading

---

kissing under the mistletoe | jjk

pairing : coworker!jungkook x reader

rating/genre : pg-15 // fluff, angst, frenemies to lovers, coworker au

summary : 'tis the season to be jolly, but one certain doe-eyed person is hell bent on not letting you have anything jolly. wait till you find out how you are the only one he wants. alternatively : jungkook, your ass coworker (with a great ass)likes to annoy you so you can give him some of your time.

word count : 13.9k

warnings : swearing, like 2 pov switches? but reader is always in second person so yes, one flashback scene, mentions of the passing of a grandparent, beginnings of a panic attack, nyctophobia, kissing. not too christmasy tbh, cuz i know nothing about how christmas parties work! also yoongi plays two roles -- the asshole and the wingman, so everyone say thankyou yoongi!!

note 1 : this gift was created through @bangtansecretsanta and is for @apotatomashedbybts !! surprise, i am your secret santa! you already know it from the preview i posted but still haha! i hope u like this small lil thing i came up with!

note 2 : a big thanks to @oddinary4bts for beta-ing this! thanks for saving my ass ella!! i am sorry for putting you through the struggle of editting my word vomit haha! thankyou sm!! also, merry christmas! i am a whole decade late yes! -- also, please reblog if you read/like this!

read on ao3

what was i listening to? (a bollywood playlist)

moodboard | masterlist | taglist

You could kiss the person who made coffee for the first time on their mouth – dead or alive.

Walking out in the morning sun is a hellish task you have to do every morning, especially when it only leads you to entering your work building with a scowl and squinted eyes.

The only sight which makes your mornings pleasant is the lounged form of a certain Min Yoongi, right in front of your desk, eyes lazily raking over his surroundings – as if he'd be out the first chance he gets.

To be honest, you would too.

Especially when a guy who has sworn his job is to make your life hell strides in front of you, blocking your magnificent view of the one and only Min Yoongi, and smiles brightly at you – as if he is the only light source in the room.

"Hey." Jungkook perks up and you scowl at him. A way of you greeting him. Which he knows too well because the next second he rolls his eyes and turns back, leaning against your desk, now also staring at Min Yoongi.

"What do you want, Jeon?"

"What do you think he is thinking about?" his eyes squint more as he observes Yoongi more attentively.

"How there are people who have nothing better to do except think about other people's thoughts?" You should praise yourself for speaking a whole sentence before completing your cup of coffee.

"Cute. But that's my job." He whips his head back and looks down at you with a lazy grin, an eyebrow cocked and piercings glinting in the light.

Oh how you'd like to kiss that grin off his face.

Wait, no.

You shake your head.

"You are a graphic designer."

He tsks, "That's part time."

You roll your eyes and get back to setting up your desk for the day. If you knew Jungkook (which you do by now), he isn't going to move from here unless he is satisfied that your day had a hellish start. Well, jokes on him, cause your morning was hell even before you met him.

"What do you even find that interesting in him?"

Sigh. He is still staring at Min Yoongi.

"He is a treat for my sore eyes."

He perks up at your answer and turns fully towards you, leaning over your desk so his face is closer to yours, with an excited grin and a gleam in his eyes. A gleam which tells you his next question even before he opens his mouth-

"And me?"

"You are the cause of my sore eyes", you say with a sickly sweet smile that makes his smile drop.

The next time you run into Jungkook, it's during lunch break.

"Did you hear about the party?" your coworker Mina asks you as you both settle down on a table in the far corner of the cafeteria.

"What party?"

"The Christmas party, Y/N. I heard this time they are gonna hang more mistletoes than necessary", she snickers and you groan as you take a big bite of your sandwich.

"I don- weawy wanna see em soggin", you say through a full mouth and furrow your eyebrows as the chair beside you scrapes on the tile.

"Where are your manners, you little girl?" Jungkook teases as he settles down beside you.

You gulp your bite as quickly as you can.

"And where is your decency, you idiot?"

"I need to be decent to talk to you?" he asks as he shoves a spoonful of fried rice in his mouth, not looking at you.

"That too. And also, you need to ask me before you sit down at my table."

"Mina said yes." You look at her to see her smiling at both of you, like your mother would if you told her you were going to finally marry someone good.

Fucking traitor.

You play around with your food as Mina and Jungkook converse rather dramatically, with his hand repeatedly coming in front of your face as you hit it away. It's not that you hate him – you just cannot stand him.

The first day you walked into the office, he was there to greet you with a bunny smile and a cutting jawline. God, the contrast in his looks. He was donning a simple button down and slacks, rather decent for work. But what was not decent, was the way his thighs filled the slacks and made it look like he was sculpted by a god. You had to clamp your mouth shut to stop yourself from spewing indecencies when you roved your eyes over his figure.

His eyes were crinkling around the edges as he smiled at you and welcomed you with a warm, airy voice. You were, of course, glad to have been shown to your desk and around the office space by him. And your smile was giddy like a teenager's when he asked you to join him for lunch break at the end of the week.

But after that week started an endless saga of constant bickering and pulling each other's legs. Your little crush on him was soon forgotten by you as your daily smile was replaced by an etching scowl.

It was quick for you to find out how competitive he is, and how strongly he stands his ground – how fucking opinionated he is about matters concerning the office. Almost all your meetings end with him looking at you with a twinkle in his eyes at having convinced your boss to do his bidding.

Never has he once said anything malicious to you, but you are fed up with him having his way. So much so that when last month he didn't oppose your ideas in the conference room, you walked up to him and asked if he was drunk or feeling sick. He had just rolled his eyes and went about with his day, but after that you had warmed up to him a little bit.

Still, he never fails to show you how annoying he can be – just like he is being right now.

"What? Are you thinking about going with me?" his voice breaks you out of your reverie.

"Hmm. With Min." Oh how you love to see the way his smile turns sour. It doesn't fall though.

"I heard he is single this year." Mina hums out.

That's when his smile threatens to fall, but Jeon Jungkook has mastered the game of schooling his expressions into neutrality.

"Interesting", he says and turns away from you.

Your eyes twinkle with mischief as Mina recounts the tale of Min Yoongi's infamous breakup – how his latest partner walked into the office on a damned Friday and gently, but dramatically broke up with him. Yoongi had seemed unaffected because of course that's him and almost everyone who knows him knew that he was not looking for anything serious.

Still, he had felt a little embarrassed. So much for not getting people's attention. But the way his eyes had swept across the room after she had left made everyone cower back to their work, as they held a clear message – 'I dare you to talk about this anytime soon.'

No one had been stupid enough to go against him, not even Jungkook, who had been away that fateful day, nearly a month ago. So now, Mina is filling him up on the details in hushed whispers.

"Lord!" he exclaims once she ends her retelling of the legend – at least the latest gossip for your department.

"You think you'll be able to woo him? Miss 'treat for my eyes'?"

"Sore eyes", you correct him and he grimaces as you continue, "And watch me, Jeon. Don't cry when he asks me out to be his date for the party."

Min Yoongi didn't ask you out for the party.

You had to beg him to be his date.

One can say that you and him are on friendly terms. The 'I am your friend only if you buy me coffee for a week' kind of friendly. He agreed to be your date at the party after you bribed him, of course. But not before he analyzed and heard each and every angle of your reason.

Now the thing is, Min Yoongi can be an asshole if he wants.

And when he heard that your main motive is to spite a man who has been annoying you, he agreed without hesitation. He loves to rile people up, especially men who fall in the same spectrum as his – assholes.

He doesn't personally know Jungkook, but he heard your version of the story. And his reply was,"I sympathize with the man," as you flicked his forehead and swiped his coffee away from him. But one thing he knows,: for you, Jeon Jungkook is an asshole. And oh how he'd love to see drama and some shit go down at the ever so boring Christmas party. So, he agreed.

"He- What?" Mina gasps as you peel open a banana in the break room.

"Yup." Her eyes can't be bigger than this.

"He asked you out?"

"Uh huh."

"Ha. I don't fucking believe you." She points her unpeeled banana towards you and scoffs.

You roll your eyes,"Ask him then."

Telling her that is a mistake because as soon as you both walk out of the break room after finishing your snack, her eyes fall on Yoongi lounging at his desk (8 meters away) and she calls out his name – gathering the attention of every living being in the room, even Jungkook.

Oh how you want to yeet yourself out of the first window you see. Maybe the 12 floor fall will be more bearable than the embarrassment this lady is going to cause you.

"You are going to the Christmas party with…" she trails off.

Yoongi's eyes flicker to hers lazily, as if she is asking him if he works here or not. And maybe, talking is a big task for him because he just nods his head in your direction. Basically informing everyone and their mother that he is going with you, and then he turns back to his computer – without saying your name.

You wouldn't be surprised if he might have forgotten it.

As soon as everyone registers his gesture, audible gasps sound throughout the room, and you turn in time to see Jungkook standing at his desk with his eyes as wide as saucers and jaw almost touching the ground.

You give him a triumphant smirk and turn around to go to your desk.

And totally miss the way he crumples the small pink note in his hand and throws it in the trash.

The coffee shop where you usually get your morning coffee is closed today. The office coffee machine is broken today.

And you are a second away from unleashing your rage on everyone.

As you return to your desk from the break room, you catch Jungkook lurking around your desk, nervously biting his lip and glancing towards the door. God, if he is again here to bother you as he does every morning, you are going to punch a bitch in the face. Because ain't no way you have the patience you always have.

"Jungkook", you sigh as you reach your desk.

"Before you say anything, I just want to say I am sorry", he interrupts you and stands straighter.

"For what?"

"Aaaaand have a good day", he ignores your question and immediately darts away, as if you are the plague and he has to avoid you.

And did he just wish you a good day? Weird.

What's more weird though is the cup of coffee sitting at your desk.

Beside your computer sits a steaming cup of coffee, with the letters 'JK' written on it. Did he forget his coffee at your desk? Is this another bitter – pun intended – reminder that you haven't yet had your coffee? Because you didn't need one.

You pick up the cup to head back to his desk when you see a small note previously hidden by the cup. It is a white slip of paper, torn haphazardly. You would have mistook it for some stray paper had you not seen the ink gracing the white.

'The coffee shop was closed and someone broke the machine. Have a good day - JK :-)

p.s. I am sorry if I messed up your coffee.'

Oh. Uh Oh.

He bought coffee for you? He went out of his way to bring a cup for you? He kept it in mind that your day was ought to be shitty if you didn't have a cup of coffee and he tried to resolve it? And this was what he was sorry for?

You can't even think straight at this moment. You take your seat and eye the cup of coffee as if it asked you for your first born. Your mortal enemy, the bane of your existence – well that would be too much – brought you coffee. Maybe this is not something to mull over for this long, but that's you. And if Jungkook's part time job is thinking about other people's thoughts, then yours is thinking about yours – overthinking.

The only good thing he has ever done for you is holding the door open a few times. And you nodded at him with a smile then, setting aside your differences for a mere moment.

Now how are you meant to be a bitch to him if he acts like this? Suddenly the sweet coworker.

You mindlessly take a sip and your mind calms down a little bit, but still racing. He hasn't messed up your coffee. It is the perfect cup of Americano with one sugar, no more, no less. Fuck. He knows this too? You don't know his coffee order. Great. Now you feel sad for not having that trivial piece of information.

On the other hand your heart gets a little soft for him. Even though in a way, it always was. Or else you wouldn't have tolerated a person this long. Somewhere along the way, you have grown fond of the bickering between the two of you, the words passed in pure frustration. You have grown fond of him. God, how embarrassing. But maybe you can live with it.

You need to thank him the first chance you get. And try to be civil with him.

"He has a girlfriend? Since when?"

"I don't know. I think she is more of a friend accompanying him to the party." Mina says and rolls her eyes as you walk beside her on your way back to your car.

The whole day has flown by in a breeze and this time, you didn't get the chance to cross paths with Jungkook. You wanted to thank him for what he did in the morning, but the one time you willingly want to see him, he is out of sight.

"How would you know that? Maybe she is his girlfriend. I mean he did leave in a haste today when a girl called him."

"She could be anyone," she argues and you shake your head with a laugh.

"How can you be so sure of that?"

"Cause just a day ago he said-" she stops and unlocks her car, even though she didn't need to stop.

"He said what?"

Mina doesn't look at you while answering, shaking her head a little with a voice lower than before.

"That he is single, Y/N."

Huh. That doesn't mean he doesn't have a girlfriend now. A lot can happen in a day, you know that – especially now. But you don't say that to her as she is already getting inside her car, bidding you goodbye and sending you off.

You don't pay any mind to her and get into your car, already heading home.

Your mind races faster than air as you grip the wheel tighter. You don't even know why you are so bothered that Jungkook might have a girlfriend. He has always had some kind of flings going on, but for him to bring someone to an office party? That's a first. If he is bringing someone then maybe they are important for him, maybe it's serious with them.

Your stomach drops as you realize that maybe he lied to Mina about his relationship status because he wanted to give everyone a surprise? After all, it's been a long time since Jeon Jungkook had a serious girlfriend.

You really hope that's not the case. And you don't know why you hope so? Why the fuck do you care if Jungkook has a partner or not? You want to smash your head against the steering wheel with the amount of thoughts that plague your mind.

'Is she even his real girlfriend? Or he just wants to flaunt the fact that he can get anyone he wants?'

Now why did you think that? And what's with you accepting the fact that he can get anyone he wants? Well, he can. But, why would you think that?

You feel like you're being double-sided given that you are going to the party with someone. But that's not to make him jealous. It's to annoy him, because he thinks Min Yoongi is out of your league. Then why do you think that Jungkook is doing this to come back at you? Insane of you to even speculate something so ridiculous.

You shake your head as you pull into the parking lot of your apartment.

You feel like you are obsessed with him – which you are not. You are just thinking about general things like why would he have a partner, possibly in a serious relationship – in the same way one thinks about things like today's weather, right? Yes absolutely.

Way to gaslight yourself.

Has anyone ever said that normally when you think about something a lot, you start seeing it everywhere? Or like, the first thing you see in the morning?

Because why, as you are entering the lobby of your office building on a fresh Monday after the coffee fiasco, are you seeing Jungkook beside the elevator? He normally comes in way earlier than this. What did you do to deserve meeting him first thing in the morning?

As you near him, you realize he looks a bit tired. His eyes are sullen, with dark bags underneath them, his shoulders drooping and hair frayed over his forehead, looking very unkempt.

Your footsteps catch his attention and he whips his head towards you, surprisingly managing a weak smile and you immediately return the gesture, not thinking for a second. You nod at him, wordlessly, and stand beside him, waiting for the elevator to come from God knows what floor.

Okay. This feels like a perfect time to thank him. He could work with an ego boost, as you are in no way going to ask him why he is down – not sending any snarky greetings, or stupid questions your way. Kind of weird for the both of you to stand there in complete silence.

"Jungkook", you call out and he slowly turns his head towards you, answering with a hum.

"Thank you for the coffee that day." He smiles at this and you internally chide yourself.

"Ah. Did I get the order correct?"

"Yes. Yes you did. I wanted to thank you the same day but you left quite early so … " you trail off as he almost drops his smile, trying hard to keep the curve of his lips intact and in his cheeks, rather than dropping them. You can very well see the struggle he has to go through to stay cool and composed.

"Yeah. It was an emergency."

Oh.

So it was not some girlfriend of his? Why did you think so? Oh my god. And, it was an emergency. Shit. You mentally slap yourself for even trying to play the whole thing off very lightly.

The lift arrives that very moment and you both step inside, him sulking again.

"If you don't mind me asking, is everything okay?"

He looks at you, trying to come up with an answer, finally settling to go with the truth.

"Not really, I mean. My grandmother passed away."

You take in a sharp breath and that's exactly when the door closes. Oh. My. God. Y/N you absolute fucking idiot. You could bang your head against the wall for your stupidity and absolutely wrong judgment.

"I am so sorry. I-" you pause and he looks at you," I won't say I understand, cause I don't. But I hope you are okay?" Stupid of you to end your assurance like this. Didn't he just now say that everything is not okay?

He looks at you, speechless but with a gracious smile. You should do some damage repair over here. Of course, as you said, you don't understand the pain of losing a grandparent because you have never even met yours, already passed away before your birth. But, you know it can be very painful. And given Jungkook's current state, your heart aches to stand there doing nothing while he struggles to not break down.

"Can, can I hug you?" you ask meekly and he suddenly whips his head towards you, so you rush to explain yourself, "I am not good with words but I … " you trail off and look down, biting the inside of your cheek nervously.

Nuh huh. Not a good idea. Even if he is in grave misery, why would he hug you? Who are you, his friend? Ha, as if. Maybe you should take the offer back and not embarrass yourself further. Yes, that could work.

You look up to tell him it's okay but what happens next makes you go completely stiff.

He hugs you.

His warmth envelopes you as he slowly wraps his arms around your shoulders, pulling you in – albeit hesitantly, but still. Your hands fall limp by your side as your head finds solace on his chest. Remembering that you were the one who proposed a hug, and completely ignoring the feeling arising in your stomach, you wrap your hands around his torso, patting his back.

As soon as you reciprocate his touch, he audibly sighs and places his cheek on your head, holding you tighter. It's as if his grief evaporates a bit, the warmth from you forming a case around him. You think you hear him smile, but then again, you cannot hear a smile.

You stop patting his back and hold him tight, snuggling into his chest unintentionally. He holds your head to his heart and you can hear it beat wildly fast – maybe yours is in the same state. But you're glad he can't hear yours.

'Don't let yourself slip, Y/N.' you think because this is uncharted territory. With his body pressed up against yours and his sadness seeping into you, you don't know how you feel anymore. Is this you melting for him? Yes, you won't lie to yourself anymore. It's high time now. Especially with the way he fits into you, so perfectly – like a jigsaw piece fitting into the tiniest crevices of a puzzle. It's ridiculous how you came to this.

A small thank you is mumbled into your hair and you think he sniffs your hair before you both part, slowly, longingly. He stares into your eyes with hints of tears lining his eyes and your heart breaks a little. But when he smiles with all his will and shine, you think maybe you can look at it every second of your life.

The elevator dings and the door opens as you hastily pull apart from him, patting your hair and wringing your fingers through the unkempt strands. You had forgotten that you were in an elevator. That's when you realize that you might have hugged for what, like a few seconds? But the moment felt like it was stretched for minutes and hours of comfort.

Both of you step out of the elevator and walk side by side, albeit at a distance, and silently to your desks. Why can't you calm the fuck down? It was just a hug. And he just happened to be a bit vulnerable. God. Not a good sign for your feelings.

You are still disheveled by the time you reach your desk. To your surprise, he stops there for a moment longer than you might have expected, and looks at you with a small, soft, knowing smile.

"Thank you." he says quietly.

You chuckle.

"You already said that."

"I know, but still. Thank you, for everything." He nods, smiles and disappears in a flash, not even waiting for your reply.

What does he mean by everything?

Wow. Now you have one more thing to overthink about.

The day is slowly bleeding into night, the moon already visible as you make your way to the cab, pulling your coat tight against your shivering body. The cold is terrible, and more so is your mood.

You aren't exactly looking forward to the Christmas party, now knowing that Jungkook is bringing someone. Also, your main motive to go with Min Yoongi was to rile Jungkook up. But now, you don't necessarily want to annoy him – especially after the small moment you had a few days ago in the elevator. You have had a lot of time to think since then, and you know what you feel. You aren't going to lie to yourself anymore. It isn't as if you are going with Yoongi for your personal desires. Well, not anymore.

Of course, you are a little bit attracted to Min Yoongi. But that is just to give your eyes some sort of relief during the stressful work hours. He is like an insignificant celebrity crush. And, you know he is a bigger asshole than you and Jungkook combined.

So now, you are miserably waiting for him below your office building, after your cab drops you off. Usually, he is always on time. But also, he doesn't usually go to parties with you. For all you know he must be stalling to make you wait for him – just because he can.

A moment later, a cab pulls up right beside you and out steps the man you want to strangle with your bitter cold hands which could spear icicles through his throat. Also, how can he look so much better than you? Wearing a monochrome shirt tucked into black slacks, with hair parted in the middle and.. Did he dye them blonde? Yes. Oh god, he did. Why does he look so good that it makes you wanna kill him more?

"Where the fuck were you?"

"Taking my sweet time getting ready for you, sweetheart." You gag at this and quickly step inside the lobby, making a beeline for the elevator, which fortunately, you don't have to wait for. Now that you think about it, you could've waited for this asshole inside the lobby. Huh. Whatever.

You almost let the door close on him but he wiggles his way inside with a grunt. Jesus.

"We are meant to be each other's date for tonight", he reminds you.

"Unfortunately. But I know that."

At this he raises an eyebrow and looks at you.

"You were the one who begged me to go with you. Don't act all snippy now."

He is right. Your mood is bad, but that doesn't mean you can act like a complete dick. He hasn't done anything to annoy you, yet.

"Sorry."

Thankfully he doesn't reply back, sensing your snarky mood and just nods at your weak ass apology.

The elevator opens to a complete ruckus. There are people bustling around the hallway leading up to the glass doors behind which there is more chaos. The top floor of your office building is luxurious and pristinely decorated, with high ceilings and sleek marble flooring. The party's decorations are subtle, with a christmas tree and multiple lights. But one thing that catches everyone's eye is the unusual amount of mistletoes.

They are literally everywhere. At the entrance, hanging on a string of fairy lights over the open bar, propped over the dance floor, in the hallway leading to the restrooms. Everywhere. There might be more but your vision is not so keen on finding them.

You walk with Yoongi by your side, none of you touching the other (why would you?) when you spot Mina at the bar. Of course. Whenever you need her, she'll be getting absolutely wasted. You walk up to her, Yoongi surprisingly keeping up with you and you call her out.

"Hey. You came alone?" She has a partner and they have been together for more than two years. They have attended almost all parties together but today she is alone, drinking her time away.

"Cyan has gone to their parent's house. It's been a while since they visited," You smile at that. It's true. They have been around for almost everything. You are glad they finally get to visit their family this holiday,"But that means that I feel so fucking alone right now." Mina completes with a whine and gulps her drink down.

You coo at that and stand behind her, draping your arms around her shoulder and bringing her near you.

"Don't worry. You have us to give you company." You say and look at Yoongi hopefully who just grunts as a response.

"I mean, you have me, at least."

She laughs and shakes her head.

"I don't expect anyone, Y/N. Go and enjoy. If you need me sometime, you'll find me getting shitfaced over here."

"Enjoy with who? Yoongi?" You laugh and stand back, rolling your eyes. You have only one friend at your workplace. And she wants to drown in her misery with whiskey. A concerning amount of whiskey. She flags the bartender to get another drink and you try to ask her to cut it down a little when Yoongi moves way too close to you.

His hand slides around your waist and he pulls you in a little. You gasp and look at Mina who is not paying attention and then hit his arm lightly.

"What are you doing?" You whisper, yell at him and he grins.

"You know, I like annoying people."

"Tell me something I don't already know. And don't try to annoy me." He moves you a little away from the bar and near the dance floor, still holding onto you.

"Hmm. Not you." He hums out and you furrow your eyebrows questioningly. At that he rolls his eyes and dips his head to your ear as you go completely still. "3 o'clock to your left. Don't look directly."

You do look directly. And see Jungkook at the far end leaning against the wall with his jaw clenched, hands in his pocket, and looking directly at you. Your breath hitches a little at his sight. You quickly move your head to Yoongi again and look at him, absolutely enjoying your state.

"I'm loving how Jeon is absolutely burning right now." He grins and you have the urge to strangle him right then and there.

"Also," He begins and pulls you closer, simultaneously leading you both a little more towards the dance floor,"did you notice that we both are matching? Coincidentally of course."

You widen your eyes in realization. Why is your luck like this? Of all people, you match with Min fucking Yoongi. Mindlessly your eyes go down to your outfit, a black fitted dress that goes to your ankles with a white strap running across your waist, and a sweetheart neckline, you realize he is right. Your monochromatic dress matches with his outfit. Ugh.

On the other hand, Jungkook is wearing a khaki leather shirt and black fitted slacks which accentuate his … everything. His hair is swept back showing his forehead and his piercings just add to the appeal, gleaming under the Christmas lights. You can climb him like a tree.

You don't look at him again though. His look is very much imprinted in your mind. Yoongi, that fucker, grins again at your miserable state and you hate that he loves this so much.

"He is jealous, oh my god." You don't pay any mind to him and sway a little to the music. Because there's no way Jungkook is jealous. Now that you think about it, why is he alone? Hasn't Mina said that he was going to come with someone else?

"He is … alone?" You mumble distractedly and Yoongi rolls his eyes.

"Are you going to ask everyone the same question?" He says referring to the question you asked Mina.

"No. I mean, he was going to come with someone."

"But he hasn't." Yoongi says slowly as he takes your hand and twirls you in a circle, dancing along with you.

To anyone who is watching you two, it might seem that you are engaging in a slow peaceful dance, and conversing with grins decorating your face. Because even in your confused state, your face reflects a hint of mirth, and Yoongi is already sporting a lopsided grin.

But it's not the truth. It's basically your mind racing a million miles an hour and Yoongi teasing you to his heart's content. The whispers between you two can easily fool anyone, even Mina who you see staring at you like a bee stung her. It is comical, the look on her face. You'll have to explain the whole mess to her later. Cause why are you dancing with Min Yoongi so lovingly? As if he hung the stars in your sky.

He raises his eyebrows at you and tips his head towards the dance floor, finally. You were wondering how long it would take for him to ask you there. You roll your eyes and he tugs you to the elevated center, just when the song switches to a slow, piano version of 'All I Want For Christmas Is You'. Oh what perfect timing.

"So, you heard me?" He asks when you place your arms around his neck, and sway with him slowly.

"I did. I am just thinking." He gasps at this.

"Since when?" And you hit his arm, mumbling a word your mom wouldn't be too glad hearing you speak – even if you are a 26 year old woman.

"In all honesty, though. He is a goner for you." He shakes his head as if it is as obvious as day.

"What?"

"Are you fucking blind? He is in love with you. No no, he has been in love with you, for so fucking long." He laughs and twirls you again.

"Yoongi, don't." You warn him. What the actual fuck?

"I know we are not friends. But I know a lovesick guy when I see one. And Jeon is just that." You furrow your eyebrows at that, and mindlessly, your eyes flit to the form of Jungkook completely seething at the opposite wall. Oh my god, he might just break the glass (which he picked up god knows when) from his tight grip on it.

Your stomach dips at the realization that he really does look jealous. Hellishly jealous of Yoongi. Because his stare is burning holes in his back but Yoongi, the ever asshole, is enjoying it.

"Also, later, when he asks you, tell him I'm gonna go home with that DJ guy." Yoongi's quiet voice breaks you out of your thoughts.

"I am not gonna fuck that DJ guy."

"Idiot. I," He takes his hand off your waist and points to himself,"I am gonna fuck him. You are gonna fuck him." He tips his head in Jungkook's direction and your face heats up.

"Why would he ask that?" You grumble and look away.

"Oh you know he will." You do know. Of course. If he really is jealous right now, and if he really does like (love) you how Yoongi is saying, he will definitely ask that.

The rest of the song plays on and you both move in silence, which gives you plenty of time to think. One, you like him. It's not rocket science to conclude that you are head over heels for him. You don't think you love him – but is there a light? Yes. And that scares and thrills you at the same time. Also, Yoongi? Jungkook loves you? You'd be an absolute fool to agree with whatever Min has to say, but the possibility makes your inside warm and your heart race, all giddy and hopeful. No, you are not hopeful that he will love you. But, he likes you to this extent? Would you have ever thought?

'Stop it, Y/N. It's not good to think about what Min said and raise your hopes and then shatter them', you think and shake your head. Yoongi, obviously, catches this and quirks a brow at you, at the very moment when the song ends. You wave his curiosity off and get away from him, walking down the dance floor with him on your tail.

"Go and woo your DJ guy." You wink at him and he understands what you actually need, easily going away with a knowing smile that shows his gums.

All this time, while you were navigating through your thoughts, you have lost sight of Jungkook. So it's to your utter surprise that you find him sitting at the bar when you go there to get a drink, with his head hung low and staring into his empty glass.

He looks so sad, as if he is living alone in a barren world. Your heart almost reaches out to him but you stop yourself in time, and instead, quietly perch yourself on the empty stool beside his.

Your dress rustles a little and that catches his eye. He turns to look at you with downtrodden shoulders, and watches you order a drink. His eyes trace every motion of yours and you try your best to get your drink in your hand before looking towards him. You'll need it.

"We peasants owe this pleasure for what?" His smile is sweet, sickly. You take a sip of your drink and smack your lips.

"Jungkook." You sigh when he still has that painful smile on his lips.

"Where is Yoongi? Don't you wanna dance with him on another number?" he asks innocently but you know the mask very well now.

"Jungkook", you warn.

"What? Why are you sad? Didn't you want him? Now you have him." He chuckles and you scowl. "A treat for my sore eyes", He mocks you and you finally snap.

"What is your problem?"

"What is your problem?"

"You."

He stills at your comment and you are at your peak.

"You are my problem. Don't you understand this is so fucking messed up? We play cat and mouse without even a single word about what we feel. It's," you sigh,"it's so tiring. All we do is bicker like teenagers and then get offended when the other does something. Like, isn't it our motive to offend each other? To shove the other to the ground? I'm just confused and annoyed right now."

"It's not my motive to offend you."

You all but choke at that, and slam your drink down on the table, doubling down in fits of cough. Your hand flies to your mouth to cover it and simultaneously Jungkook's goes to your back, patting and running soothing circles to calm you down.

"It's not my motive to offend you," His voice is calm, leveled,"But I don't know, everything I do seems to tick you off. It's like that brain of yours is a bomb and I am the trigger", he finishes and your coughs die down. You know you should think straight, be a person, act like an adult. But when he said your mind was fickle and implied that you were the problem, you surely didn't like it.

"Oh so now I am the problem?" you grumble and he sighs. You are being a bitch, you know that. You also know that you shouldn't have said this. He was genuinely trying to mend things with you. You don't wait for his answer and storm off. Nowadays when your brain goes haywire, you go away for a while to calm yourself down. Because you decide, the open bar at your office Christmas party is not the perfect place to have a showdown of 'Who can be the bigger asshole?' with Jungkook.

You need some time to think, gather your thoughts. Learn how to think with your brain and not like a bitch.

Jungkook fucked up.

So much for getting on your good side. What was he even thinking? He knows he always has to walk on eggshells around you. Then why couldn't he do it for one more night?

What was he thinking when he made that small little card to ask you out for the party? Fucking idiot, that's what he is. His head falls on the counter and he groans. He wants to flip this table.

He closes his eyes and sighs.

---

Jungkook is feeling cranky. He has been called earlier because someone new is joining today, and he is expected to be on his best behavior. He checks himself in the glass of the door which can open anytime soon. Even though blurry, his reflection is enough for him to know he looks presentable – which he was skeptical of, given that he has rolled out of bed and rushed to the office in less than forty-five minutes. Without coffee.

He decides he needs a cup of coffee before the new person comes in. Just so they don't think he isn’t an asshole, because he can be one without caffeine in his system.

His outfit is presentable and he is feeling good once he has a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. Now this is the Jeon Jungkook he likes.

The door opens and Jungkook, leaning against the wall, lets a wide grin spread over his face, with his eyes crinkling and radiating warmth. Welcoming. He straightens up a little, hoping he doesn't weird you out by his teeth and slouch.

The first thing he sees as you step inside is your anxious face. Your features are twisted into nervousness, but there is excitement lurking in between those lines. Your eyes take everything in, but you are not scared. No, you are far from scared. With the black slacks and white button up that you don, paired with the sleekest high heels he has ever seen, your aura is dominating. It's a 'no nonsense' vibe. And even though you are nervous, because who isn't when it's the first day at their new job, you carry yourself with grace and confidence.

Your eyes scan the surroundings, and finally land on Jungkook. He notices that as soon as you see his smiling face, full of glee, some of your nervousness dissipates as your features relax. And even when your eyes were meek, Jungkook noticed one thing.

You are pretty. The kind that doesn’t let him take his off you. Not the gaudy, flashy kind. But then again, pretty can't be defined with another adjective – it's just that, pretty. The air you carry with yourself asks for people's attention, and the smile that graces your features then tells him that you never take that attention for granted.

Your smile is soft, and he wants to count the eyelashes that brush your cheek whenever you blink. Jeon Jungkook is not a man who would fall on his knees for a woman, especially before he even knows her name. So, he isn’t falling that deep, yet. But god do you intimidate him, even if you look kind.

"Hello, I am Y/N." Oh god. Your voice is sweet too. You have extended your hand and he quickly shakes it, trying not to linger.

"My dumbass didn't fix the wall clock and I forget I have other means to check the time. I am sorry for being late", you hastily explain and Jungkook wants to say it's okay, you are hardly late, but he is spellbound.

That day, he shows you around the office. Yes, he talks a lot. He also makes you laugh. And so, the smile on your face at the end of the day leads him to ask you to accompany him for lunch that weekend. You understood it as lunch in the break room and Jungkook didn't have the heart to correct you, trying to get anything he could.

At the end of the week, he knew he had an inkling of something for you. Something that made him giddy like a teenager.

---

Jungkook wonders how you both came to this. Maybe he knows. But he was never sure what annoyed you so much. He tried to be on his best behavior around you, but somehow it irked you.

Nevertheless, he continued to fall for you. So much that he had hope, that one day maybe you would not see him through the red fog of annoyance.

But feelings are a bitch. And so is someone else, because-

"Well, that was painful to watch." Min fucking Yoongi, he is a bitch.

"And who are you exactly helping by being here?" Jungkook returns without missing a beat, straightening up with a scowl on his face.

"Oh don't worry, Jeon. I don't help. Being kind does not fit my aesthetic", he quips back and settles on the stool you were on just a minute ago.

Jungkook groans when he realizes that Yoongi has no plans of going away soon. He turns back to his empty glass and almost slams his head down on the counter but thinks better.

"Min Yoongi, you are literally the last person I want to see right now."

"Trust me, I know." He quirks his head and sets Jungkook with a look that makes him want to-

"Then why are you here?"

"Because I have nothing better to do." Yoongi shrugs and Jungkook wills himself to not kill him.

A moment passes in which Yoongi stays quiet, surprisingly. Meanwhile, Jungkook turns around and his eyes scan the expanse of the room. He is trying to find you, of course. He had a thought of following you after you stormed off, but he knew better than to. After so long, he knows that when you need space, you should have space. Or else things can become ugly real soon.

He still thinks about the days when you happily chatted with him, didn't go away or shut yourself when he came near you or sat with you for lunch. He does have an idea that his overbearing nature and need to prove himself led you to stray away from him – after all, you had first seen him as a friend, and if he himself turned it into a competition, then you needed to go along with it.

The both of you are an odd case, but he loves it nonetheless. Loves how your face lights up whenever you achieve something, whenever you are happy. He loves how excited you get when you go on one of your mindless rants, not knowing that it's Jungkook who is listening to you, and your friend has stopped paying attention a long time ago. He loves the way you bring him comfort from whatever you do, loves the playful banter between you two. He loves everything about you.

Oh my god, he thinks. He needs to stop drinking. Or else god forbid he spews his thoughts out loud.

His heart sinks when he realizes you are nowhere to be found, at least in his line of sight.

"How lovesick can you be, Jeon?"

He warily turns his head to look at Min Yoongi. How can someone be so fucking frustrating?

"How stupid can you be, Min?" he asks and Yoongi snorts in his drink. He slowly swirls the amber liquid in his glass and grins.

"You know, you should tell her that you love her."

Jungkook stills. His hand that was straightening the collar of his shirt stops and he blinks. What did he say?

"What?"

"What? I said something?" Oh god. Who pays him to act like this?

Jungkook shakes his head, not able to say anything. Is it so clear? He doesn't even know Yoongi. Still, Yoongi can see through him and his stupor. Is he being so obvious? Jungkook's brain goes on an overdrive of questions. Do you know this? Is this why you are always running away from him? Do you, do you hate him so much? Oh god, he can't bear to think this. He immediately turns around to get another drink.

"Calm down, Jeon." Yoongi says, rather calmly.

"I am calm."

"Tell that to yourself." He snatches the drink as soon as it is placed in front of Jungkook, holding it at an arm's length.

"Min Yoongi I swear to god-"

"What? Idiot. See we don't know each other. And believe me, I love drama, especially during the holidays. But nothing goes on for this long. So suck it up and talk to her." He takes a sip from the drink Jungkook ordered for himself and shakes his head as if he is disappointed in him.

The look on his face makes Jungkook want to defend himself.

"I tried to talk to her. But evidently, my words are always wrong."

Yoongi sighs,"Jungkook, you know her better than I do. Take your time to think about the words, not your feelings." He stands up to leave and continues in an almost whisper, "Also, don't think that she hates you, or else you'll be surprised." Yoongi goes away as soon as he says this, without any kind of explanation or expressions, leaving behind a flabbergasted Jungkook.

Loving is not easy, or so Jungkook has heard. But with you, it is the easiest thing he has ever done. He fell for you like the leaves fall in autumn, slow and sure. He layed in your wake as you graced him with your presence. He is helpless, he is gone. He hopes you don't really hate him. Because, he doesn't know how much more of this heartburn he can endure.

Or else you'll be surprised

Yoongi's parting (not exactly parting) words echo in his mind. What does he mean by this? Jungkook wonders and wonders until he-

Oh my god, does this mean?

He needs to find you soon.

The lights in the ladies room are way too bright for your liking. You don't need to see your reflection so clearly in the mirror, especially when you feel so fucking guilty.

You feel like an asshole – maybe you are one. All this time you had been thinking about him, and his gestures which were oh so sweet. And when finally he tries to mend things with you, you snap. Like a teenager who doesn't know how to control all the new emotions they are feeling, you fucking snap. It was so childish of you to run away from him, from the situation like that.

The look on his face when you said that makes your heart ache. And it's not the joint ache or the pain you feel when you twist your ankle, no. It's like heartburn, the one that claws at your throat and chokes you. You literally gasp for air as tears pool in your eyes.

You are glad there is no one in the restroom when a stray tear makes its way on your cheek. (Finally your waterproof makeup is of use).

This is not you. Your reflection mocks you and you want to break the mirror. You are not like this. You don't hurt people, especially those who go out of their way to let you know that they care for you. You know no one else but you are to blame for this. Because when you look back at it, Jungkook has always tried to talk to you, and never rudely. He has always been playful, a little sarcastic with that gleam in his eyes.

You were already soft for him. Or else you wouldn't have kept up with him for this long. But at this point, you are completely putty, folding for him. It's pathetic. You are pathetic and you know that.

The hurt look on his face flashes behind your eyes as you close them, and you wince. You want nothing more than to hug him, to kiss him and say that he is not the problem. You want to assure him that he was never the problem, and you are not annoyed with him. You are annoyed with yourself.

It's ridiculous how quickly you go on a self-hating tangent when someone you lo- care for, is hurt by you. No, you need to stop, or else you'll be here for God knows how long.

You need to find Jeon Jungkook at the earliest.

You dry your eyes and wash your hands, (not your face because your life is not a movie) as you finally look at yourself in the mirror.

You can do this. You can speak your heart to him, and hope he doesn't run away.

Your first step outside the restroom is full of resolve, and directed towards one, and only one goal.

To find Jungkook.

The feeling that is rising in your heart is making you giddy, like a goddamn teenager. Even though guilt is hidden somewhere in the nooks and crannies of your emotions, the one that is visible is the same you feel right now. Your cheeks burn at the thought of what if?

This is pathetic. You are a twenty six year old, well experienced woman. Why are you blushing at your imaginations? Wait, no. Why are you imagining stuff? You need help. Better, you need him.

You cautiously move towards the bar again, hoping to find him still sitting there (very low chances), while also looking around for any chances of him not sitting there (not any, there are many).

But, as soon as you get away from the restroom, darkness spreads all around as the power suddenly cuts off. You can literally hear the power trip – so it's either someone messing or it's really an accident.

Audible gasps are heard from all around as people scramble to grasp the situation, and themselves. Your feet don't move as people rush all around you. You stay rooted in your place when your vision doesn't help you, at all. The lack of windows doesn't allow any kind of moonlight or streetlight to filter in, and it's absolute darkness.

You consider yourself to be brave, headstrong. But darkness is where you draw the line. It's nauseating. You feel like it's sticking to your body and creeping up your skin, making you want to shake yourself out of the daze. It scares you to no end, because you do not like creepy things.

Your mind tries to calm you, but it fails. Your feet try to move, but they fail. Your eyes try to adapt to the darkness, but again, they fail. You can feel the panic settling in your bones. You need something to ground yourself to. You count your breaths slowly and shake your fingers but the whispers and murmurs of people all around you makes you want to crouch down and shout with your hands on your ears. You need something. You need someone to-

"Y/N?"

That- Your neck almost breaks with the speed at which it turns towards the voice. The voice which you want, which you need.

"Jungkook", you sigh, but your voice is high pitched, scared. And as soon as you say his name, you are pulled into a hard, but comforting chest. You immediately wrap your hands around his torso and cling to him for your life. Like he is the only source that is letting you breathe and live.

He holds you close, tight, as if you will slip away if he lets you go. And maybe you will. Because you desperately need an anchor, and he is just the one for you. He invades your senses and that's when you feel like maybe you can breathe again.

You gasp for air as tears line your eyes. You hate the dark. It makes you see things you don't even want to know about.

"Shh. Hey, I am here. Don't worry", his voice breaks your dangerous train of thought and you sigh, nodding against his chest.

You try to control your breathing, slowly as your nails almost dig in his back. You feel like maybe you'll fall down, but the constant rhythm of his heart beating under your ear grounds you, and wills you to stay on your feet. You almost fucking melt in his arms when his lips touch your hair, and he mumbles calmly.

"Breathe, breathe with me. Don't worry, everything is gonna be fine. Just stay with me, okay?" His voice is like honey, bleeding into your ears and giving you comfort. His breathing gets slow, to help you, and you mumble a small okay into his chest, with your eyes screwed shut.

You try to focus on the rhythmic movement of his chest, as it goes up and down with every inhale and exhale of his. Soon enough, your breathing matches his and your worry and panic deflate a big amount. You can finally feel yourself again. And the sudden realization of his scent invading your (now normal) breathing makes you soar in the clouds.

His heartbeat is faster, now that you notice. It's the same that you felt when you hugged him in the elevator. You mindlessly snuggle into his chest and his lips press against your head with more resolve.

"Hey, you okay there?"

That's when you realize.

He knew. He knew of your fear. He knew how you feel when you encounter the dark. And the way he pulled you in and comforted you just solidified the fact that he knew this information very well.

"You, you knew that I-" you gulp. You don't even need to speak for him to know your next words.

"I did." An assurance. Two words that tell you that he knows and will always know of the things that unsettle you. And he will always be there to bring you back to yourself, bring you back to him.

"How?"

"Does that matter? I am just glad that you are here with me." His arms around you hold you even tighter, and you want to say that you will always be there with him.

You smile with red, burning cheeks as you move your head and let your lips rest against his chest. You are so glad he can't see your goddamn blush, but you can swear you just felt the beat under you speed up.

"Thank you", you whisper quietly, but you know he heard it when he moves your head and dips down.

His lips touch your forehead and you still.

The action is so simple, yet it twists your heart in knots. Because, he kissed your forehead. Out of care, out of affection, out of adoration. It's so sweet that you want to die. Is this how you die? Overwhelmed by the simplest act of affection? You are glad it's him, because at this moment, you can't think of a better way to go.

He pulls away and looks down at you with concern in his big, doe eyes. You want to drown in them. You can't see his face properly, but you know the sight is breathtaking, you can feel it. You can see the outline of a strand of hair falling on his face, and you move a little away, breaking the hug to try to look at his whole face, when the lights suddenly switch on.

Brightness fills the room (brighter than before) and you step back, suddenly blinded by the intensity of the light. Your hand shields you as if you have just walked out in the sun, and maybe you have. Because Jungkook's glow is surely blinding you.

His eyes gleam softly, big and doe-like. He stares at you with what you can only make out as stars in his eyes. It's enthralling, the feeling that settles in the pit of your stomach. You don't even realize you were blatantly staring at him when loud cheers break you out of your reverie.

People all around are cheering a few couples who found themselves under the numerous mistletoes hung almost everywhere. You watch with amusement as a couple dives right into a makeout session as soon as they realize they have the opportunity, while a pair hesitates to even look at each other, just a few feet away.

A few painful seconds pass after which the crowd gives up on cheering them, because clearly, it's a lost cause. And clearly, you don't realize what you are doing till someone nudges your hand. You don't know who that person is, because they walk away as quickly as they came, shouting out a smug thing.

"You know, it's bad luck to not kiss."

It's what?

Jungkook gasps as he looks up and belatedly you both realize you have found yourself under a mistletoe. Under. A. Mistletoe.

There is someone whistling, there is someone laughing, there is someone cheering, but all you can see is that you are standing with him under a mistletoe, as he looks at you like he too, can't notice anything else.

You don't know if it's really bad luck or not. But you do know that you'd really like to kiss Jungkook. And you hope he does too.

None of you move, and he mistakes your lack of action as hesitancy.

"If you are uncomfortable we can move somewhere else. I mean-"

"No."

Jungkook blinks.

"Huh?"

"I mean, it's bad luck to not kiss. Right?" you shrug, "So we would not like that. Right?" Why, god why? Why are you speaking like a teenager? Just, hold him and tell him you are head over heels for him and would kiss him even if that meant bad luck for you. You hope he doesn't walk away at your reasoning.

He stops back a smile and nods like a child, his eyes holding the humor and happiness his mouth fails to deliver.

"Yes, of course. We don't need bad luck."

You roll your eyes and stand straighter, a smile playing at your lips.

Is this what dreams feel like? Is Jungkook dreaming? He feels like he is flying. There is no way you are standing in front of him, a flustered mess and making excuses to kiss him. As if he won't kiss you whenever you ask him to. He can kiss you all day (only if you allow him to, of course).

He feels giddy. He wants to hold you and recite the poem he read a while ago that reminded him of you. He wants to write you a song that makes you laugh and look at him with hearts in your eyes. He wants to do everything for you, and everything with you. A kiss is only the beginning of his love for you.

The smile on his face increases when his hands find your face. There is literally no one watching you, no one is there to pester you to kiss, but still you both do it. It's not a movie, but he feels like time slows down around him.

A lone petal which has been enduring the weather for a long time, finally falls when he dips down and attaches his lips to yours.

In the midst of the chaos of the party, Jungkook attaches his lips to yours, and you still. For a moment, you forget that you are standing in the middle of a crowded hall. For a moment, all you feel is him.

An oh so sweet feeling settles deep inside you, and it seems like a lifelong yearning of yours has been settled. He moves his lips against yours gingerly, his hand cradling your jaw as if you will break if he even touches you with fervor. Your toes curl with the soft intensity of the kiss and you lean into him a bit more. The hints of wine that you taste on his lips pulls you into throws of ecstasy and your hands find themselves around his neck.

He kisses you like a dew drop touches the petals of a flower in the morning, soft and gentle. His tongue doesn't skirt at your lips, and you are glad, or else you would've turned a mistletoe kiss into a makeout session. You forget about everything around you.

But when he pulls away, his nose a hair's breadth away from yours, and breath fanning across your lips, you realize you don't even need to know about anything around you.

It's him, and just him.

"Y/N?" it's a whisper quieter than the quietest of nights, but you hear it nonetheless. As if he is asking you if you are still there with him or are still swimming in the ecstasy he has thrown you into.

You don't know what you are feeling. You don't know what to speak when your mind has gone on an overdrive and shut down simultaneously. What if you open your mouth and speak things that are so incoherent that he thinks he has to walk on eggshells around you, again? It's tiring trying to navigate your mind when you can hear your heartbeat loud in your ears. Does he hear it too?

Your eyes stare into his, with millions of questions and just a look of his doe eyes assure you that you are not alone. You will get answers, you will know what this is.

He swipes a finger at your cheek, as if asking you for your sincerity, and you mindlessly nod at his unworded request. It's funny that you are operating on autopilot, but you can't do anything else when your breath has been stolen from your lungs.

A loud cheer breaks you out of your reverie and you notice that people have now gathered around you two. God, it's so embarrassing. Not kissing him, but unintentionally acting like a fool in front of everyone. You think you see Yoongi with a smug smile in your peripheral vision, and maybe, just maybe, Mina is cheering too, but you ignore the whole ordeal.

You need to get out of here.

And just then-

"Wanna get out of here?"

Yes, God yes. Jungkook asks you the right question at the right moment, because of course he is Jeon Jungkook and he is always there for you. You nod and your smile grows as he pulls away from you, only for his hand to touch your elbow. His touch is featherlight, but you shiver nonetheless.

As you leave, you smile at the onlookers and they start to disappear. You are glad no one is nosy enough to come and ask you what will happen next.

You know two people who would like to know, and you know they, or at least Mina, is hopefully looking at you, but you just give her a look that says 'Later' and run away behind Jungkook.

Your feet follow his without other thought and you think maybe that's just what it is.

The night is still young when you step out in the fresh air with him. None of you speaks a word, it's as quiet as the night around you. Until it isn't.

“I am glad we got out of there. Those people are crazy.” Jungkook shakes his head as he says this and you laugh.

“True. Especially Mina and Yoongi. It's so good that we escaped them.”

At this Jungkook stops walking and you almost stumble. When you look around, you both are standing in an empty street with the streetlight and the moonlight being your only companion. There is no noise, given that you both got out from the parking lot and not the main lobby.

But the silence invites you like an old friend, and you are glad that the only one breaking it is Jungkook, and no one else.

"Did he, did he tell you?"

"Did he tell me what?" you wonder out loud. Is he talking about Yoongi? Well, Yoongi did tell you a couple of things. But you don't know how much of them you are going to reveal to Jungkook. Yoongi did make some speculations about his feelings, and even though you have a positive feeling, you are not going to try your luck right now. Especially when he is so close.

"Did he tell you anything after you kind of stormed off from the bar?" His voice is meek, unsure, and you grimace when he mentions your moment of weakness – your childish action of storming off during a conversation.

"No." You shrug and quickly add, "and I'm so sorry for storming off earlier. I was a little-"

"Y/N." He takes your hand and you pause,"it's okay, don't think about it." His hold on your wrist is firm but kind, as if afraid you will run away, again but also not trying to hurt you.

He shakes his head when you fail to say anything but just look at him. "Come here."

And you walk into his arms without hesitancy, like a moth drawn to a flame. He wraps his arms around you and you sigh.

"You don't need to apologize for feeling," he whispers, "but you also don't need to feel like you have to hide from me."

You know that. And you feel relieved now that he has said that.

"I was just feeling too much," you mumble into his chest.

"I know. I was too. And it's okay."

You laugh at that, genuinely. But not in a way that says that he joked, in a way that says you understand what he means. You don’t even think about how suddenly you both resonate with each other on so many levels.

A gust of wind blows your hair and you shiver a bit, despite being in his arms.

“Wanna go somewhere else?” he asks and you wonder out a loud ‘Where?’

“Just, one of my favorite places. I am sure you will love it too.”

And you have no reason to say no to him. So you follow him, yet again, giddily.

It’s colder. The raised area allows the wind to affect you more. But you don’t care when you can see almost the whole city beneath you. Especially with Jungkook beside you bathed in moonlight, holding your hand.

He booked a cab from the street you both were on. And he never let go of your hand. The whole ride was quiet – you didn’t even ask him where exactly you were heading to, and still you knew you were going to love it. Because the easy smile and the glimmer in his eyes said so. His hand firm but gentle in yours said so. And you had no reason to not trust him.

“Wow.” 

“Isn’t it really beautiful?” he asks you excitedly, as he looks at you with unadulterated joy.

It is. You can see specks of light dancing in front of your eyes, the Christmas lights. There is no snow – but you think it wouldn't have even survived in front of the warmth you are feeling. 

“You come here often?”

“Naah. I don't usually get time to. In college I used to, though. Nowadays I only come here when I feel way too overwhelmed by everything.” He smiles and you do too. ”This place can clear your head quickly, and make you feel like you are on top of the world.”

“Well, I don't know about the top of the world, but it's definitely on top of the city.” He laughs and squeezes your hand, as if you said the most hilarious thing ever.

You know you should talk with him. It's not a fairytale, that suddenly you kissed and now you will live happily ever after. You need to settle down your previous grudges and talk, discuss your feelings a lot more. It's not college all over again, where you will communicate just for the namesake, nor are your feelings for him so trivial that you can just let it go. 

"Jungkook."

"Yeah, we need to talk." He smiles at you and your eyes widen slightly.

"What are you, a psychic?"

He just laughs and leads you to a circular brick structure built around some small plants that you notice just now. They are the apt height for you to sit on them like benches, and you realize this place is not that much of a secret. Still, it counts.

You sit down side by side, with your shoulders grazing each other's. And even though there is a lot of space, none of you shift.

"I am genuinely sorry for all the times I annoyed you so much that you felt like you needed to walk away," he begins with his eyes trained on his fingers in his lap.

You shake your head at this. It feels ridiculous to you to sit here and listen to him drone out apologies – as if it's his fault or something. 

"I think we should just sit down one day and say sorry to each other, because even I have a lot to apologize for."

He laughs and your shoulders slump with relief at the fact that he doesn't deny your words – that even you have a lot to apologize for. 

You think you are a little tipsy. And the red dust on Jungkook's cheeks tells you that he is more tipsy than you. You wouldn't be surprised if he was, especially after the one too many drinks he was having at the bar, while you were dancing with Yoongi. That thought takes you back to the moment you bickered with Jungkook at the bar, and stormed off. Even though he said it was okay, you know that was wrong of you.

"I, you are not my problem, Jungkook."

"Huh?"

He looks at you with big doe eyes, and you think how easy it is for you to drown in them. The moonlight reflects off his face in glowing beams, and the stars find themselves in his eyes. His lips are set in a confused frown, and the red dust on his cheeks seem to increase when he locks eyes with you.

"At the bar, when I said you were my problem. I was in a rage, because Yoongi said some things. And," you pause, realizing you are rambling and that it's ridiculous for you to explain yourself like this, "and there's no excuse for it, yeah. I am sorry." You sigh as you end, not being able to look him in the eyes.

You expect him to say how hurt he felt, or maybe just brush it off with an off-handed comment.

What you don't expect him to do, is take your clammy hand in his and interlock his fingers with yours. 

"Y/N. Look at me." He tugs you by your hand and you will yourself to look him in the face.

"What did you say just now about apologizing?"

"That we will sit down one day-"

"Yes, one day. And today's not the day. So stop apologizing for hurting me, when I wasn't even hurt."

You furrow your eyebrows.

"You weren’t hurt?"

He shakes his head with a laugh and raises his free hand to your face. Your breath hitches when he tucks a stray hair behind your ear. Oh my god, you could melt at the way his touch leaves a fire in its wake. His fingers linger on your neck, and he doesn't pull his hand away when he speaks.

"I know how snippy you can get when you are frustrated."

That makes you laugh.

"You know me, huh?" you ask slyly, as if this is the moment for you to be sly.

"Well, I know a lot about you." 

"What are you, a stalker?" you gasp.

"Yeah," he dryly replies and you exhale a snort.

His hand still lingers at your nape. And you belatedly realize that the hair on your neck is standing, as if saluting him. His eyes dart between yours and your lips, and you wonder if he will lean down. But then the hand at your nape moves around your form, and he pulls you in by your shoulder.

You stiffen for half a second, but then easily lean into him, laying your head on his shoulder as his fingers dance across your arm lightly.

You can feel the warmth from him, and it makes you forget that you both are practically sitting out in the dead of winter, at night. You wonder if by some miracle you can stretch this moment to last forever, not wanting to leave his side, and the comforting peace of mind you get.

"So, how was the party?"

His question takes you off-guard.

"Umm, good?" you say confusingly. You understand he is just trying to break into a conversation, but really?

"Yeah. I am sorry for being a dick with the whole Yoongi thing before. I know you like him." He sighs and you sit up straight.

"Wait a minute. I don't like him," you say, because you really don't. Who is feeding him these lies? Mina, that fucker.

"Huh? You don't?"

"Honey, everyone and their mama knows how big of an asshole he is. I do not like him, okay." You laugh and you think you feel his shoulder sag with what you think is relief.

"I thought you were into assholes," he comments, slyly, and you decide to play along.

"Well, you are an asshole."

"Yeah, but are you into me?"

At that, you pause, and look up at him. He has an easy grin on his face, which says that he is also just playing along. You are not sure how honest you should be, but it's also high time now. You look back at the sky, and lay your head against his shoulder again as you drawl out a lazy-

"Yeah."

He suddenly sits up straight, and you stumble but catch yourself at the last moment.

"What?"

You look at him, holding back your smile.

"What?"

"You, you are into me?"

His eyes are wide like saucers and you think you see the faint citylights in them. It's beautiful how his lips form a confused pout, and his head nods at you.

"Yes." You laugh, and a smile breaks out on his face. His hands find yours and he holds them in a gentle grasp.

"Do you, do you really like me?"

"Yes, Jungkook."

"Oh my god, come here." He tugs at your hand and pulls you into him, again. You gladly rush into his arms and this time, lay your head on his chest, listening to his heart. You feel giddy, as if you are confessing to your first crush and he has just said that yes, he likes you too.

"I feel like I am the happiest man right now." You blush against his chest and he holds you tighter.

"So do I understand that you like me back too?"

"Of fucking course. If it wasn't obvious already, then." He laughs and you think you can melt in the sound, drowning yourself in the sweet honey ringing of his voice and the joy spilling from it. You know it was obvious – at least to some extent. Okay well, at least after someone pointed it out to you. And that gave you the confidence to open up to him. Or else you would have drowned in your thoughts instead of him.

His lips brush your hair and you sigh at the touch, closing your eyes at the tender feeling. You want the moment to stretch forever. The moon gracing you with its presence and the relief that you are finally beside him, in his arms, with nothing to bother you.

"I love you."

It is so sudden that you forget how to breathe, going still. His words are muffled by your hair, but you hear them nonetheless, when you can even hear him breathing. Somewhere, you knew this was coming. Because everyone, every sign, every feeling led you to believe it. And even though you are glad the intuition was right, you don't fucking know what to do now.

You take your head off his chest and look up at him. Just before you open your mouth to say anything, he rubs his hand on your arm, trying to calm you down. As if he felt the inner turmoil rising inside you.

"Shh. I know you're not there yet, and it's okay. Even if you'll never get there, I am content with how it is right now." He shouldn't be. After all this time, why is he still ready to give himself and his feelings up, for you?

"Jungkook-"

"I know. But, I couldn't stop myself from saying it. And I understand if you walk away."

"Shut up, I am not walking away," you tell him, rather firmly and you feel when his shoulders sag with relief, even though he doesn't let it show on his face. You snuggle into him once more, this time kissing his heart softly through the shirt.

"Why would you say something like that? Why would you say that you will be okay if I never get there?" you mumble and he rests his cheek on your hair.

"Because, being someone to you is better than being no one."

Oh, your heart. Your poor little heart. It can't take the pain, the longing that you can feel radiating from him. You feel like you could cry at his words, because how can you be so oblivious to his thoughts? You wish to tell him something, anything that can tell him that you are almost there too. That this time around, he won't be no one to you, he'll be everything to you.

"I, I am almost there too-"

"Love, I don't need to know if you are almost there or not. I need to know if you are here, here with me. Are you?" The name makes your heart do somersaults, but you compose yourself to give him a reply.

"Yes. Yes I am here with you."

"Well, then I don't want anything else." He laughs and you feel yourself calm down at the voice. It's just a matter of time, you think. You can't afford to hurt him anymore, and you know you won't. You are glad you are here with him. It's meaningless to fret over what will happen, rather than focusing on what's happening.

"I think we have someone to thank," he jokes and you roll your eyes.

"If it's Yoongi, then I'm not talking to him."

"Valid, but you know he helped."

That he did. If not for him, you would have been sulking in some corner, still at that party.

"We'll see what we do."

"Okay, boss. As you say." He laughs and you hit his chest.

"Shut up."

"Maybe you should tell him how you had a crush on him. Wouldn't it be hilarious?"

"Jungkook, I swear to god, if you don't shut up-"

And that's how you bicker into the night, with love and a lot of jokes. With a promise to be together, sealed by kissing in the moonlight.

taglist : @nuniah @jinsquishes @jeonkookiesworld @sailoryooons @jjkeverlast @aliimac @gimmethatagustd @namjoonwhoresworld @apotatomashedbybts @synnfulqt @saweetspoiled @chimchimmarie @sugababylove84 @axigailxo @yoongukie-ff @instabull @graycosco @wobblewobble822 @jungkooksseuphoria @kalea10 @yoongimarryme3

feedback, reblogs and comments are highly appreciated so please let me know your thoughts :)))

also, end notes : i am astronomically late for this one, three months late for christmas! but I'm finally here, after all the stuff going on with me hehe! maybe I'll write a drabble for these two later? where the reader also confesses her feelings? all domestic haha. let's see! but thankyou so much for reading it! any kind of feedback will be immensely appreciated :D

© sugarwithtea. all works belong to me. do not repost.

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Sail Away [Seokjin x OC ( ft. OT7) ] 🔞

✦Seokjin x OC* ( ft. OT7) 🔞 

*OC was intended to be Reader but it sounded weird to use second person in this format, so I switched to using “she” instead of “you”. 

✦Note: The story is told from Seokjin perspective. It takes place in the 60s.

✦ Read on Ao3

✦Tags: smut; comedy; historical!AU; captain!Seokjin; old flames to lovers; (kind of) forbidden romance; a little cheesy; a little fluffy; + there is a little twist

✦Word Count: ~15K

✦Summary: Seokjin is appointed captain of ‘Epiphany’ - the biggest, largest, most pompous ship to ever cross the Atlantic. Yet, everything gets awfully wrong when ‘Epiphany’ hits an iceberg…

Now the ship is sinking, a person hits Seokjin on the head, he gets tied to a pipe and he might end up at the bottom of the ocean… But, hey, a man must never lose hope; or lose an opportunity to kiss the woman he loves.

✦Warnings: explicit sexual content [both (♀️)x(♂️) + (♂️)x(♂️)] ; light bondage (use of handcuffs); oral sex; unprotected sex and other sex stuff. 

✦IMPORTANT Warnings: This story shouldn’t be taken too seriously under any circumstances. It’s an old, experimental draft I found in my folder and spontaneously decided to finish. It might contain typos as I edited it in a hurry.

ENJOY! :)

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