Markets Of Assam By Imdad Barbhuyan

Markets of Assam by Imdad Barbhuyan

some questions about kuroo tetusrou and my answers for them :) 

how often does he read? 

- i like to think that kuroo’s the type of person who reads on-the-go and refers to reading especially when he wants something to distract him or simply fill his time. but don’t get me wrong, when he gets immersed in a book, he gets immersed. it’s common to find him flipping through a book while brushing his teeth, telling the people in his life about the book he’s reading, ask them about their thoughts, search up vocabulary he doesn’t know, and then recommend it to everyone once he’s finished

- he would have many inside jokes with his s/o and friends over books, movies, tv shows, all of that 

how jealous would he get as a s/o? 

- i don’t think he’s the type to get too jealous. ‘jealously’ is a term often used when someone is envious that someone else has something they want but don’t have, whether it be money, achievements, shoes…

and when he sees you talking to another guy, he’s not losing anything. there’s nothing that guy has with you that he doesn’t have. 

if he were to catch you smiling and laughing, generally looking really happy while talking to another guy, i think a part of him would quietly hope that he makes you happier than that man does 

you normally talking to or hanging out with another guy is nothing to be mad about. he’s sure you love him and he loves you, and that’s all he needs to know. as long as if you don’t flirt with someone else, kuroo trusts you and would not overthink it. 

he does like to emphasize that you’re taken though…so small touches of intimacy in public will common from him. he needs to make sure others know you’re off limits and they better not try to think otherwise! 

(it’s also important to note that he loves it when you talk about him to others :)

his love language? 

- acts of service and quality time :)) 

honorable mentions: words of affirmation, physical touch, gift giving (so all 5? yeah lol) 

based on his character shown in the anime and manga, he shows his care through actions and words! 

i remember in season 4 where he talked about how the nekoma 3rd years should all go to watch future nekoma at nationals, and yaku said mentioned that nekoma might not even go to the nationals, and then kuroo said to have more faith in their juniors! 

he looks after all of his teammates exceptionally well. (especially kenma!) from their sleep schedule (telling kenma to not use screens before bed), food intake (telling kenma to eat veggies), practice (making sure yamamoto doesn’t overwork himself) 

i like to think that if any of the nekoma team members struggled in school, then they can approach kuroo for help :) knowing him, i’m sure kuroo would groan and make a snarky comment but mean no harm and then earnestly help them 

what kind of parent would he be? 

- most of my active followers would know how i portray kuroo as a dad through the dad!kuroo series with baby sumi :’)) i love them both dearly aaah (totally not jealous of sumi’s mom, nope not at all, couldn’t be me…) 

- kuroo would definitely be one of those dads who win their kid’s hearts over by making them feel safe, and by making them burst into constant laughter. a reliable and patient dad, but a dad who’s almost always worried about whether he’s doing something right. 

he’d be a parent who’d be there when his kid feels sick at night. he’d pat their back, hand them a glass of water, carry them back to bed if needed, and remind them that if they need anything, he’s one room away. and if one room is still too far away, he can always sleep beside them 

he’d have little treats in his pocket from work to give to his child/children when they come rushing to him as soon as they hear keys jingle. who knew he’d love leg hugs so much?

he’d be the type of dad who’d team up with his child/children against his partner/their parent and have lots of fun together :) 

overall, a fun, reliable, and loving dad :’( <3 

friend: what's your type in men?

me: a man who has the voice of nakamura yuichi

friend:....what?

me: what?

friend: 👁👄👁

me: 👉👈

babes wake up, official kuroo hair-down art is released 😱😱

hehe he’s so cute

okay, unlike the previous drawing, let's have something soft.

actually, i was going to post another work, but it was easier for me to draw a new one in 15 minutes.

Letting go - Chapter 259

One thing this chapter makes me think about a lot is, what does "letting go" really mean? Is it something to absolutely aim for? and where does Hak position himself in relation to it today?

Hak is worried above all about the dragons right now, but we know well that he's also making a reference to his experience with Soo-won here. After all, even if Zeno did talk about forgetting them, he never said anything about "letting go" specifically. To let go is however very much something he said word for word about Soo-won in the past (chapter 153). If it wasn't already obvious enough, Hak in his turn makes the parallel between what happened with Soo-won and what is happening now with Zeno.

The end of chapter 153 hinted that even if Hak hasn't reached the point where he can let go of Soo-won yet, this is something that will eventually happen down the road thanks to Yona. And how can we not wish it for him? He suffers from it, it makes him angry, depressed, frustrated, it makes him grieve. Hak has always struggled from Soo-won's betrayal, he first tried to repress the feelings, then started walking a long road of trying to reconnect with and make sense of them, the present and their past together. He was slowly healing, he started being content with having a role in the sky tribe as long as the Yona and the hhb were with him. It was all for the best, everyone was walking in the same direction.

And then chapter 243 happened.

To be honest, when I read chapter 259 I couldn't help but have mixed feelings about this. After all, chapter 243 happened just one year ago, and this chapter devastated me like no story had ever before. This past year I thought hard about chapter 243, I tried to make sense of it in multiple ways and get over the devastation it made me go through. I also needed time, a lot of discussions with friends and the distance to see that yes, it is a chapter where both Soo-won and Hak are at their worst emotionally, and they both give up (among many other things but this isn't a ch243 post) but it won't be the end, it's them both failing to get out of this maze. But I just couldn't accept it. I felt angry. That Hak simply accepted how Soo-won, in a way, pushes him away again and the fact Soo-won will die, be replaced, and there is no hope for him. That he didn't contradict Soo-won saying the country will be fine without him, that this is their goodbye and it's over for them. That Hak will forget what they shared in chapter 61. That Hak is letting go and moving on.

So technically speaking I should be more than happy with chapter 259 and Hak saying he sucks at forgetting and letting go! But well, I got fond of chapter 243 with time. I spent so much time thinking and discussing about it, to engage with it, to question every line and to give them a meaning that slowly started to make more and more sense to me. It became precious to me. Yes I'm this dramatic over a single manga chapter but you have to understand the degree of emotional turmoil it made me go through, it was that bad! Anyway,

So when I read chapter 259, while I feel validated and relieved, I can't also can't help but think "But then, what was chapter 243 for?" What did it change in Soo-won and Hak's relationship? Does it not matter at all anymore because anyway Hak said sike and he actually just can't forget and let go? I can't accept this either. And I don't think that's the case.

And in a way, Hak did let go. But forgetting his dream of walking side by side with Soowon as his equal, on the same path, is different than forgetting Soowon whatsoever. Hak decides he won't remember it anymore and takes a different path. But what does it entail? What does he keep and embrace and what did he let go?

The vow of 10 years that tied Soo-won to the people following him, and the vow of 10 years that tied Hak to him. The formers cling to it, not taking into consideration Soo-won's true self and his ability to change. It chains him. It forces him to act not as his real self, but as the ideal image they project on him. They don't respect what the real Soowon wants, they try to make him the Soo-won that /they/ want. Soo-won changed from 10 years ago and corresponds to neither their ideal, neither Hak's. That's why it was so violent for Hak in 243. Hak couldn't see Soo-won's own circumstances, experience and current struggles and even less accept them. But in chapter 251, Hak doesn't let this vow chain them anymore, and in a way, that helped him gain confidence in the entirety of their history together instead of clinging into one aspect of it, no matter how precious it is to him. So I believe Hak needed chapter 243 to realize he was again projecting on Soo-won, and he needed to part ways to put things into perspective right now with the Zeno plot, so for that it's a good thing.

Still, when I put chapter 243 and 259 together, when Hak said he would forget his past vow to Soo-won and that there was no need to remember it anymore, I still think it was also him giving up, not having the strength to fight back because yeah, what can Hak or Soo-won even do about the Crimson Illness? Soo-won himself is convinced he will die, that he will be replaced and things will be perfectly fine without him, and so that he has to let go of Yona and Hak because what they want is the dragons, not him. He's not completely wrong, but this is not taking into account that both of them still care for Soo-won and want him to be there. That it's not about being replaceable or not, that they can care for the dragons and still want Soo-won to live for no other reason than because he is Soo-won. This is something Hak and Soo-won have both been struggling with since they said goodbye, and they are still coming to term in their own pace that they actually don't want things to end there.

Hak let go of his vow of walking by his side as his equal, but he still cares, he still can't forget, and he needed Yona to put it simply into words for him. It's okay to still feel conflicted, to carry contradictory feelings. What is undoubtely there is he wants him to live and to be there. That even apart, even when his priority is saving his friends and protecting Yona, Soo-won is still a part of him and he can't just erase him from his life. And it's fine. I don't think he should have to if ultimately putting things with Soo-won behind him, letting him go, hurts him so much. He deals with things differently than Yona and he doesn't have to do the same as her if that's not what is good to him. Yona shows that even after letting go of the hairpin, it still doesn't mean she can't think of Soo-won and wish for him to live. Letting go isn't erasing someone's existence from your life, it can just be taking a different path without tearing the bond apart.

But what this all makes me think about is, maybe letting go, in the sense of completely putting things behind them, is precisely the problem with Soo-won and Zeno. They're too good at it. We know they struggle to do it completely and honestly, but they are much better at killing their feelings than Hak, and they're able to at least act and pretend as if they were really letting go. What is so similar between Soo-won and Zeno besides betraying Yona and Hak to accomplish their respective goal and their tendency to hide their most unpleasant feelings, is that they are driven by the conviction that they have no other choice. Why does Soo-won discard people, his soldiers, prisoners, his friends? Because he doesn't believe in a path where he can keep them that wouldn't compromise the rest of the country. Before the coup, despite how much he longed for it, Soo-won couldn't believe a future with Yona and Hak by his side would ever be possible. So he gave up this dream, he acted with this fact in mind, he didn't try to pursue it. A self fulfilling prophecy. Chapter 243 was the same. And Zeno now is exactly the same as well. He doesn't believe in any other solution he could come up with together with Yona. He does what he does because if he doesn't, he is convinced he won't have another chance to be free and to end the cycle. Soo-won pretended the one they knew never existed, while Zeno pretends he already forgot them and that they should do the same.

They push them away, they tell themselves that Hak will protect Yona anyway and they will be fine without them. They let go, put an end to their bonds themselves in an (probably unconscious) attempt to have some agency on the end rather than to wait to be left behind.

But Yona's grip is strong, and despite everything Hak sucks at letting go. For their friends and for Soo-won and anyone on their path. And maybe it is important too to not let go. To be stubborn and selfish about it. To not leave anyone behind, to not avert your eyes from those in the shadows. Maybe "to let go" isn't something to wish for as an absolute solution to grief. Maybe letting go just brings more pain sometimes and is the killer of trying to fight for a better solution. Maybe there is worth in keeping what is precious to you close to your chest and fighting for it against all odds.

Honestly, as I write this I am not even sure of the answer. Zeno does deserve rest and to be allowed to go. And I can't tell if Hak will let go of Soo-won for good in the end. There is definitely a lot of good out of letting people and things go sometimes, even in Hak's case. It gives him the space to explore his feelings and come to term with them, and I don't expect him to live his life with anyone but the HHB. But all I feel is, surely, there is a better way to say goodbye. A way to say goodbye not out of resignation and despair. A way for them to listen to their hearts and be honest with their feelings. So I can only wait and keep faith for it, as I watch the characters slowly but surely try to change their fate and not submit to it.