Almost, But Not Quite

Almost, But Not Quite

The first time you saw Renjun, he was just another student in the lecture hall—a figure among many, blending into the background noise of academic droning. It was the first semester of your college journey, and every day felt like a battle to stay afloat amidst the sea of new faces, unfamiliar routines, and relentless pressure. You were buried in your textbooks, the weight of endless assignments and looming deadlines pressing heavily on your shoulders.

Your focus wavered between the professor’s monotonous lecture and the ticking clock on the wall, each second dragging on in a blur of fatigue and anxiety. Renjun was seated a few rows ahead of you, absorbed in his notes. His presence barely registered in your overtaxed mind until a fleeting glance caught his profile—a determined set to his jaw and a furrowed brow that suggested he was fighting his own battle with the material.

It wasn’t until the group project that Renjun’s quiet demeanor began to break through your haze. The project was a critical part of your grade, and the weight of its importance made it an immediate priority. You found yourself in a study group with Renjun, and it was here that the unremarkable student began to reveal layers of complexity.

The library, often your refuge from the chaotic campus, became a backdrop for your growing connection with Renjun. It was late afternoon, and the fading light cast long shadows across the study tables. The quiet was punctuated only by the rustling of papers and the soft hum of fluorescent lights overhead.

Renjun sat across from you, his focus unwavering as he meticulously organized his notes. You were struck by how effortlessly he seemed to understand the material, his calm approach a stark contrast to your own frenzied efforts. As the hours wore on, the stress of the project seemed to dissolve, replaced by an unexpected ease in your conversations.

“What do you do when you’re not studying?” you asked, breaking the silence with a question that had been on your mind.

Renjun looked up, a faint smile playing at the corners of his lips. “I like to sketch. It helps me unwind. I find it calming, you know?”

You were intrigued. “Sketch? What do you draw?”

He shrugged, his eyes lighting up with a rare enthusiasm. “Everything and nothing. Mostly just whatever comes to mind. It’s a way to clear my head.”

You shared your own passion for writing, and the conversation flowed effortlessly, shifting from your shared interests to personal anecdotes. It was in these moments of connection, amid the piles of textbooks and the hum of the library, that you felt a shift—an awareness that something deeper was growing between you.

As the semester progressed, your interactions with Renjun became more frequent and more personal. Study sessions extended into coffee dates, and discussions about academics morphed into conversations about your lives outside of class. The café near campus, with its cozy booths and warm lighting, became a favorite spot for you both.

One chilly evening, you found yourselves nestled in a corner of the café, the scent of freshly brewed coffee mingling with the soft strains of jazz music playing in the background. The warmth of the café was a stark contrast to the biting cold outside, and you were grateful for the respite from the harsh weather.

Renjun was animated as he spoke about a recent art exhibit he had visited. His eyes sparkled with excitement, and you found yourself drawn to the passion in his voice. It was moments like these that made you realize how deeply you were falling for him, how much you cherished his presence in your life.

“I never thought I’d be so moved by a painting,” he said, his gaze meeting yours with an intensity that made your heart race. “There was something about it that just… spoke to me. You know what I mean?”

You nodded, trying to keep your emotions in check. “I understand. It’s like when you read a book that just resonates with you on a personal level.”

Renjun’s gaze lingered on you, and for a moment, the world seemed to narrow to just the two of you. The connection between you was palpable, a magnetic pull that neither of you could fully acknowledge. It was both exhilarating and terrifying.

The days grew shorter, and the weather turned colder as winter approached. The campus was draped in a blanket of snow, and the rain that fell in relentless sheets against the library windows seemed to mirror the tumultuous emotions swirling inside you.

One particularly dreary afternoon, as you and Renjun huddled together at your usual table in the library, the weight of unspoken feelings felt almost unbearable. The rain beat against the glass, a rhythmic backdrop to the silent tension that had settled between you.

You were both deeply engrossed in your work, but the proximity was overwhelming. The brush of your shoulders, the occasional touch of your hands, and the shared glances were a constant reminder of the unspoken words that loomed between you.

Renjun’s pen paused mid-air, and he looked over at you with an expression that was both serious and hesitant. The quiet was charged with an almost tangible energy, and you could feel the pressure mounting.

“Hey,” he said, his voice softer than usual. “Can we talk?”

Your heart skipped a beat. The simplicity of his request was laced with a weight that you couldn’t ignore. You glanced up, meeting his eyes, and saw a vulnerability that made your breath catch. The anticipation was almost suffocating.

“Yeah, sure,” you replied, trying to keep your voice steady despite the turmoil inside you.

Renjun took a deep breath, his gaze shifting to the raindrops racing down the window. His fingers fidgeted with the edge of his notebook, and the tension between you seemed to grow with every passing second.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you about something,” he began, his voice barely above a whisper. “I… I feel like there’s something between us. Something more than just friendship.”

The words hit you like a jolt, sending a shockwave through your chest. Your heart pounded in your ears, and the world seemed to narrow to just the two of you. This was the moment you had both been skirting around, the moment where everything could change.

You opened your mouth, but no words came out. The fear of jeopardizing the fragile connection you had built made your throat close up. You cared deeply for Renjun, and the thought of losing him was almost unbearable. But the fear of what could happen if you acknowledged the feelings was equally paralyzing.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” you finally managed, your voice trembling. “I care about you, Renjun. I really do. But… I’m not sure if I can handle more right now.”

The look on Renjun’s face was heartbreaking. His eyes, which had held so much hope, now reflected a deep sense of disappointment and hurt. He nodded slowly, his expression a mixture of understanding and sorrow.

“I get it,” he said quietly. “I didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I just… needed you to know.”

The silence that followed was heavy with the weight of everything left unsaid. The comfortable camaraderie you had once shared now felt like a distant memory. The air between you was thick with unspoken regrets and a palpable sense of loss.

The days following that conversation were filled with a strained awkwardness. The once-easy interactions with Renjun became guarded and distant. The warmth that had characterized your time together seemed to evaporate, leaving behind a cold emptiness.

You continued to see him around campus, but the once-familiar smiles and casual conversations were replaced with polite nods and fleeting interactions. The sense of connection that had once been so strong now felt fractured, and the longing for what might have been was a constant ache in your chest.

Winter break arrived, bringing with it a much-needed respite from the relentless pressure of college life. You spent the holidays with your family, trying to escape the memories of the conversation that had altered your relationship with Renjun. Yet, even in the comfort of home, the sense of loss lingered.

One snowy evening, as you walked through the campus, now covered in a pristine layer of snow, you ran into Renjun. He was bundled up in a thick coat, his breath visible in the chilly air. The sight of him brought a rush of conflicting emotions—sadness, longing, and an intense sense of regret.

“Hey,” he said softly, his gaze meeting yours with a mixture of hesitation and warmth. “How have you been?”

You forced a smile, though it felt hollow. “I’ve been good. Just enjoying the break. How about you?”

Renjun shrugged, his eyes shifting to the snow-covered ground. “Same here. Just trying to relax.”

The conversation was polite but strained, the weight of the unspoken words between you creating an almost palpable barrier. The ease that had once characterized your interactions was gone, replaced by a heavy silence that neither of you seemed willing or able to bridge.

“Well, I should probably head back,” you said finally, trying to sound casual. “I’ve got some errands to run.”

Renjun nodded, his smile fading slightly. “Yeah, me too. Take care, okay?”

You watched as he walked away, the snow crunching beneath his boots. The sight of him leaving left you with a deep sense of longing and a gnawing regret. You had come to cherish your time with Renjun, and the thought of the connection remaining fractured was almost too painful to bear.

Months passed, and as spring blossomed on campus, so did the subtle changes in your life. The initial pangs of regret were gradually replaced by a bittersweet acceptance. The emotional wound had begun to heal, though the memory of Renjun lingered like a haunting refrain.

It was on a particularly bright afternoon that you found yourself at the campus bookstore, searching for a book that had been recommended by a friend. The store was bustling with students, their chatter filling the space with a sense of hurried energy.

As you reached for a book on a high shelf, your fingers brushed against another hand reaching for the same volume. You turned to find Renjun standing next to you, his eyes wide with surprise.

“Hey,” he said, a hint of awkwardness in his voice. “I didn’t expect to run into you here.”

You swallowed, your heart skipping a beat. “Yeah, just looking for a book. It’s been a while.”

Renjun nodded, a faint smile tugging at his lips. “Yeah, it has. How have you been?”

The conversation was stilted, the old familiarity overshadowed by the weight of the past. Yet, beneath the surface, there was a palpable tension—a hint of unresolved feelings that neither of you could ignore.

As you both left the bookstore, Renjun hesitated by the door, as if debating whether to say something more. The sun was setting, casting long shadows on the ground, and the atmosphere was filled with a quiet anticipation.

“I’ve been thinking about what you said,” Renjun began, his voice low. “About us, and what might have been.”

Your breath caught in your throat. The familiarity of his words, combined with the emotional weight of the moment, made your heart ache. You wanted to respond, to bridge the gap that had formed between you, but the fear of reopening old wounds held you back.

Renjun seemed to sense your hesitation. “I don’t want to make things awkward,” he said quickly, his gaze dropping to the ground. “I just… I needed you to know that I’ve been thinking a lot about us.”

You opened your mouth to reply, but before you could find the right words, Renjun’s phone buzzed. He glanced at the screen, his expression shifting to one of concern.

“I’m sorry,” he said, looking up at you with a troubled expression. “I have to go. Something’s come up.”

Without waiting for a response, he turned and walked away, leaving you standing alone in the fading light. The suddenness of his departure left you with a whirlwind of emotions—confusion, longing, and an aching sense of what could have been.

You watched as Renjun disappeared into the distance, the weight of his unspoken words lingering in the air. The possibility of what might still be unresolved hung heavily between you, a haunting reminder of the fragile connection that had never fully blossomed.

As you stood there, the sun setting behind you, you couldn't shake the feeling that this was not the end. The unresolved tension and the flicker of hope left you with a heart full of questions, each one more painful than the last.

What was Renjun about to say? Would you ever get the chance to understand his true feelings, or was this the final goodbye to a connection that had been left almost but not quite fulfilled?

The unanswered questions echoed in your mind as you turned to leave, your steps heavy with the weight of the lingering emotions. The journey you thought had ended was far from over, and the future remained uncertain—filled with the possibility of a return, a chance to confront the feelings that had been left in limbo.

if you aren’t posting / reblogging posts about the current situation in gaza, then feel free to block me before i do. there is an active genocide happening, yet some of you choose to be silent. it’s not that difficult to link sites in your profile to help those in palestine. please use your platforms wisely, your voices matter

LINKS learn daily click more gaza fund doc

Sunsets and Sweet Nothings

The sky was painted in hues of pink and orange, the sun slowly dipping below the horizon as Sungchan and you sat side by side on the grassy hill overlooking the town. The evening breeze was gentle, rustling the leaves of the nearby trees and carrying the soft scent of blooming flowers. It was the perfect setting for a quiet moment together.

Sungchan glanced at you, a small smile playing on his lips. "Isn't this beautiful?" he asked, his voice soft and full of awe.

You nodded, leaning your head on his shoulder. "It is. But you know what makes it even more beautiful?"

He turned his head slightly to look at you, curiosity sparkling in his eyes. "What?"

"You," you replied, looking up at him with a grin. "You make everything better, Sungchan."

A blush crept up his cheeks, and he laughed softly. "You're so cheesy," he teased, but his eyes were warm and his smile was genuine.

You laughed too, feeling a warmth spread through your chest. "I mean it, though. I'm really happy we're here together."

Sungchan reached for your hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. "Me too," he said, giving your hand a gentle squeeze. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

The two of you sat in comfortable silence for a while, just enjoying each other's presence and the beauty of the sunset. It was one of those perfect moments where words weren't necessary – just being together was enough.

As the last rays of the sun disappeared and the sky turned a deep shade of blue, Sungchan leaned in and pressed a soft kiss to your forehead. "Thank you for being here with me," he whispered.

You smiled, your heart swelling with affection. "Always," you replied, resting your head against his shoulder once more.

Under the canopy of twinkling stars, you and Sungchan stayed on that hill, sharing sweet nothings and enjoying the simple, beautiful moment that was just for the two of you.

i’m in such disbelief right now and beyond disgusted.

i really hope y’all are choosing your morals over kpop; because we do not know these men at all. i will never side with or defend a predator and a criminal, even with little to no proof. even if there is the smallest chance he may be innocent, i will always believe the victim first.

some of you, as fans of the boys for years and him in general, i know you must be feeling disappointed and betrayed. you’re not dumb for previously supporting him, as we couldn’t have possibly known. but now is the time for a reality check and it’s time to wake up and take a step back. this just goes to show that we know absolutely nothing about them.

for sm to just outright put out a statement on their own before any rumors even surfaced and immediately kick him out? this has to be insanely serious and i’m terrified of what he could’ve done. the crazy thing is with everything currently happening in korea with the telegram situation, and korean women constantly being in danger in general because of the men there, i’m not at all surprised that celebrities are being exposed. sm has protected criminals before, and held onto lucas when his scandal came out as well as other artists who have been exposed for similar crimes. i can’t even imagine the severity of the current situation. we’ve seen what happened with the burning sun, and these men are not immune to being misogynistic, vile human beings.

members have already unfollowed him and deleted posts with him in them; his best friend of 17yrs has unfollowed him. the company taking the initiative and him getting kicked out of the group in less than a second before anything even came out, no denying the claims or even trying to defend him. that should be enough to tell you and understand how serious this actually is. i am beyond disgusted with him and this whole situation.

i sincerely hope the victim is doing okay and praying for them to heal and get the justice they deserve. and remember that your love for these celebrities should always be conditional, because we do not know them. it’s their job to put on a show and show you their public persona, but behind closed doors? we don’t know what they’re actually like. we put them on a pedestal and yet we don’t know what they’re really capable of. they are still men after all. i hope the police are taking this seriously. there needs to be consequences and these women need to be protected.

let this be a lesson to all of us. they don’t know us, and we don’t know them, not really, not at all.

ALWAYS choose morals over these strangers you idolize. and as women, we should be standing with the victims.

maybe not all men, but enough of them. and maybe not all men, but somehow always a man. and going forward, i will continue to support nct as a whole with the remaining members. however, keeping the situation in mind, i will be supporting from afar for a little while. if the situation escalates and other members are investigated and new information comes to light about the rest of them either knowing or possibly being involved, it would be best to step away for good. i will do my best to stay updated. but i do hope the rest of the members are doing okay, and hopefully no other members were involved; but this, just shows that they can always surprise us. you never think it’ll be your fave, until it is.

let’s hope this causes a domino effect and more of these people are exposed and charged for the crimes they’re committing.

sending love to anyone who has ever experienced sexual violence or has been targeted and been in a similar situation. it is not your fault and it never was!

love you all and my dms are always open if you need to vent. <3

❗️EDIT: also i wanna add that we need to not praise the rest of the members or any other celebrity for simply unfollowing him on social media. that is the least of anyone’s worries.

we don’t know if they were aware, we don’t know if they knew and were protecting him or turning a blind eye. it could be them trying to save themselves and clear their guilty conscience. maybe they didn’t know and are just as shocked as we are, we don’t know that either.

we blindly trust these people and believe they have good intentions but look at where that can lead to. fans being upset is valid, yes; but remember people with money and power will do whatever it takes to sweep things under the rug and make it go away in order to save face and keep their image and reputation.

i will never, truly never, understand people who shit on 127 and then stan dream.

babe theyre literally in the same group. markhyuck are in both groups how are you treating minhyung and donghyuck from dream differently than mark and haechan from ilichil??

also the blatant shitting on mark's solo (apart from child) and 127's songs and BAGGY JEANS??? i genuinely saw someone on my dash talking about how they didn't like baggy jeans because it's a meaningless song and that most of mark's solos (golden hour, 200) are about females and sex.

like... he's a 25 year old, he's a guy, he's straight and he wrote those solos himself. it's like they expect him to write every song like child, about growing up and yearning and pain—man, other emotions exist.

baggy jeans hate is so forced. 127 music hate is so forced. especially by dreamzens because be so fr. the concepts, first of all, are wildly different.

127 for the longest time tend to go for noise music (they do have slow/romantic/r&b b-sides but they're mostly well known for the noise music) how are you going to be hating on that. i mean i get sticker, but fact check?? walk?? 2 baddies?? (talking about recent ones assuming op likes the older bangers)

it's so clear that op likes a certain type of music and it's valid but talking about how you'll unstan if mark/127 continue making this music is wild. they also don't like the fact that some of dream's songs are about girls but dude, they're 20 something guys, who are (as far as we know) straight AND they don't write their own music AND they have a large female fanbase.

they had the same opinion about rains in heaven which ?? is ?? kinda ?? off ?? rains in heaven literally goes on about "i love you as you are"

man fanwars piss me off in general as a multistan but internal fanwars (127zens, dreamzens, weishennies) used to be funny, now they're irritating as hell. they're as bad as akgaes. like why are solo lisa stans fighting w solo jennie fans? they're LITERALLY bsfs. ugh.

i had something more to say about streaming culture but i have class now

This situation is disgusting, painful, and sickening to the core, but it is very real.

Idols, let's not forget, are real people with real lives, that we do not know, so their actions undoubtedly affect the people around them.

While it absolutely sucks that someone who had so much influence over our lives turned out to be so vile, and it definitely hurts for his fans, this is about the victim, and it always will be.

It is absolutely okay and acceptable to be upset by this whole situation, but the focus should be on the victim and getting them the justice they deserve.

Supporting Taeil from this point forward is disgusting and does absolutely nothing for showing solidarity with the victim or anyone else who has been victim to anything similar

And making up rumours about a situation like this is equally as disgusting, lying about something so serious for a moment of fame and spotlight? or to pretend we know more than we really do? Please let's avoid spreading misinformation and rumours. It's not respectful in the slightest.