Bad Caf

bad caf

relationships: crosshair x reader

masterlist

word count: 1700

warnings: medic reader (yes this is a warning im sorry its basic), injuries but its not super descriptive, fluff

summary: 2 idiots would rather not talk than admit their obvious feelings

author's note: sorry for the lack of posts. im trying to write more than i do but school is taking up most of my time. i have so many drafts that im trying to finish. hopefully more posts soon. i also want to start a series. thanks for reading :)

divider by saradika

Your feelings for Crosshair were confusing.

Well, maybe not yours, but figuring out how he felt was.

You knew how you felt. You liked him. You liked everything about him, although you would never admit it out loud to anyone. You didn’t know how he felt, though. Somedays you thought there was something there, but Crosshair was so quick to change moods that you could never really tell. He would do everything that would say that he felt something, the lingering touches, the small conversations that he wouldn’t have with anyone else other than you, but it was Crosshair. Nothing ever made sense with him.  

The day had started as it usually did. Crosshair wakes up before everyone else, not being able to sleep. He makes you caf. It’s the horrible kind, but somehow, he finds a way to make yours enjoyable. He leaves it on the shelf in your bunk, not bothering to wake you. The smell of it is what stirs you awake, only to find he had already left the room. This had been happening for several rotations. Always the same. You stumble out of your bunk, careful not to wake anyone else, and head to the refresher with the caf in hand. It was too early to already be thinking about your feelings for him.  

You sat down with him before anyone else was awake. This was your favorite part of the day. Crosshair was more vulnerable without his brothers around him. You both sat there drinking your caf. You tried to savor it just so you could have more time with him. Little did you know, he was doing the same thing.

“The caf is terrible.”

He laughs a little, something most people don’t see from him. It makes your heart swell.

“It always is, yet you still drink it.”

He was right. He didn’t know you only liked it because he made it.

You looked up at him and smiled. He smiled back. He rarely smiles. He has the cutest smile. Gods you have to stop thinking like that, but you can’t help it when he looks like that. For a moment, you thought he was finally going to say something about what was going on between you both.

Tech walked into the small room and just like that, the moment was over. It wasn’t Tech’s fault. You were probably just reading too far into it. Nothing was going on between you and Crosshair.

If you would’ve known the day would end with you being shot by a Separatist droid, you would’ve stayed in your bunk.

The mission couldn’t have gone any worse. There were more droids than expected. Tech was injured, which is why you ended up injured as well. Being a medic during a war meant taking risks to help others during a battle.

Crosshair didn’t care. He didn’t want you anywhere near the action. He wanted you to stay on the ship. But he knew the second Tech had gotten hurt, you would be there. Tech could handle himself, he always did even before you were there. He only had a cut, sure it was big, but he would have made it out just fine. Now you were laying here unconscious and there was nothing he could do. All because you made a stupid decision to help Tech. He felt horrible. He could only watch as Tech stitched your side.

Crosshair knew he had feelings for you. He hated it. It made him soft. Vulnerable. Weak. Things that he couldn’t afford to be during a war. You were their medic. It was wrong. But he couldn’t help it. The way you smiled, the way you treated him so gently, the way you matched his sarcasm. It made him melt. He loved it, all of it. And he hated that he did.

Something awoken in his head the moment he saw you unconscious. He knew Tech had given you something to knock you out, but he still felt guilty somehow. Like he should’ve been there to protect you. He decided in that moment that he couldn’t do this anymore. He would push away all feelings for you. It was changing him and he couldn’t have that. Not now, not when any of them could die at any moment. And especially not when you didn’t feel the same.

Crosshair was different after that day. He didn’t speak to you anymore, didn’t look at you, and definitely wouldn’t make you caf anymore. It had been months since your injury. You were physically fine, but the emotions were taking its toll. You missed his sarcastic remarks, you missed the way he would roll his eyes at you, you missed his laugh. You missed him. It wasn’t like he wasn’t there. He was physically there. You just couldn’t figure out why he shut you out. It hurt.

You and Wrecker were sitting in the cockpit. It was Wrecker’s watch, but you couldn’t sleep. It was nice to just sit with him and watch space as it flew past.

“What’s going on with you and Crosshair?”

Of course Wrecker would ask. He was your best friend. You just didn’t think anyone noticed anything was different.

“I’m not sure what you mean. Nothing’s going on,” you replied. You couldn’t tell him how you felt, especially not with the risk of anyone else hearing. It was stupid, you trusted Wrecker, but you couldn’t admit it if you can’t even find the courage to talk to Crosshair about it.

“You both aren’t talking to each other. And you seem sad.”

That was true. You were sad. You missed him so badly, even in just a friendly way.

“I promise there isn’t anything going on. You know how Crosshair is.”

That was also true. There was nothing going on.

You sat there for a few more minutes before deciding you should try to sleep again. It was late and you couldn’t spend another sleepless night longing for Crosshair. At least you could ignore the pain in your sleep. You said good night to Wrecker and walked out.

You didn’t expect Crosshair to be sitting in a chair cleaning his rifle. Had he heard what Wrecker said? You hadn’t been alone with him since before the accident. You should have just kept walking, but you just stood there staring at him. It wasn’t until he moved to get up that you said anything.

“Wait… please,” you whispered at the end.

He stared at you. He didn’t say a word, just stared waiting for you to talk. Gods his eyes were so pretty. And just like that, all of the emotions came crashing down on you. You loved him. And you needed him to listen.

“I’m not sure what I did or if I even did anything. If you don’t want to talk that is fine. You are not obligated to. But I need you to know you don’t have to leave a room every time I come in. You don’t have to ignore me. You don’t have to do anything for me. I don’t need an explanation for any of it. I just need you to know that I miss you.”

Fuck. You didn’t mean to say that last part. It all came out in a jumble of words. Maybe he didn’t hear it. He certainly wasn’t responding. You could feel the tears about to come any second. You moved to walk away, just needing to get away from his stare.

Just as you were about to walk into the bunks, you heard him.

“I miss you too.”

You stopped. Did he actually say that or am I imagining it? You turned around to see him staring at you again. It didn’t make sense. Why wouldn’t he talk to you then?

“I want to talk to you, I just don’t know how,” he whispered.

It was making even less sense now. You walked back to where he was and sat down.

“You almost died.”

Oh. That’s what this was about.

“Cross, I’m fine. It wasn’t that bad, I barely even have a scar from it,” you lifted your shirt as you spoke, showing him the small scar above your hip.

“You know I’m not good at this. I’m not good at talking about… my feelings,” his voice was barely above a whisper.

“What do you mean your feelings?”

He looks at you with those pretty eyes again. Fuck. You were going to crumble. His hand reaches for yours. He rubs his thumb against your knuckles. Gods can he hear how fast your heart is beating? He intertwines his hand with yours and looks at you once again.

You get it. You understand all of it now. For months he’s been trying to tell you in his own mysterious way. No one else would understand him. It wouldn’t be enough for anyone else, but it is for you. Because you understand him better than anyone.

“I love you.”

He says it. He doesn’t have to. You knew he always did. It all makes sense.

“I love you too. Always have.”

You didn’t have to say it back. He always knew you did. Because just as you know him, he knows you. Better than anyone else.

You both sat there for hours, enjoying each other’s company, talking about everything and nothing all at once. His hand didn’t leave yours for more than a second the rest of the night. You had no idea what any of this meant for both of you going forward, but you couldn’t bring yourself to care in this moment. He loves you. You love him. You could figure it out in the morning.

You woke up the next morning to the feeling of someone climbing in your bunk. You opened your eyes to see Crosshair with 2 cups of caf. He set them down on the shelf where he always does. You couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across your face. You love him. And he loves you.

mini rant:

i feel like there aren’t enough inclusive fics. i feel like some people ignore that there are also people of color who adore fictional characters as well. not everyone has pale skin or turn red when they get flustered.

that’s all for my mini rant though! have a great day! remember you’re important and loved.

Gorgeous gorgeous girls don't ship real people

tracing your lover's features as they sleep with king!ghost and princess 😵‍💫😵‍💫

In the quiet intimacy of your private chambers, Simon often found himself captivated by the sight of you as you slept. He couldn't help but be drawn to the peaceful expression that graced your features during these moments of rest. 

As you lay there, lost in dreams, Simon would lay by your side, his fingers tracing the gentle contours of your face. His touch was light and tender, a silent declaration of his love and adoration for you. He would trace the curve of your cheek, the line of your jaw, and the delicate arch of your brows, committing every detail to memory.

The soft, rhythmic rise and fall of your chest as you breathed filled him with a sense of contentment and reassurance. In these stolen moments of stillness, he was reminded of his capabilities, his softness, his connection with you; qualities that he had rarely thought of himself of possessing. 

Simon often marveled at your passion, your strength, and your beauty, both inside and out. To him, you were not just his partner in ruling Kastron but also the love of his life, the one who had captured his very heart and soul.

With a tender smile, he leaned down and placed a gentle kiss on your forehead, knowing that his presence beside you was his silent promise to always protect and cherish you. Then, as he continued to trace your features, he would count himself among the luckiest of men, blessed to share his life with you, the woman who had captured not just his kingdom but his heart as well.

found this on twitter

Call me crazy but I want to go back to the times when we kept our sexual fantasies about celebrities to ourselves and in our own heads instead of requesting tumblr mutuals to write RPF about them and sharing them for us all.