Nintendo Announces That The Switch's Successor Will Be The Wii U Again

Nintendo Announces That The Switch's Successor Will Be The Wii U Again

Putting an end to months of intense anticipation and speculation, Nintendo announced today that the Nintendo Switch's successor console will have the exact same name as its predecessor, the Nintendo Wii U. It will also have the exact same technical specs and game library, and Nintendo projects the exact same lackluster sales.

In a press conference at the company's Kyoto headquarters, senior executive officer Yoshiaki Koizumi explained the reasoning behind the move: "We decided to release Wii U again because it's pretty good. It rules, actually. I love it."

Nintendo President Shuntaro Furukawa further elaborated: "Nintendo Land was my shit. Game & Wario was so underrated. So was Kirby and the Rainbow Curse. So was Star Fox Zero. So was Animal Crossing amiibo Festival. So was Sonic Boom: Rise of Lyric." Furukawa went on to list every single Wii U exclusive game over the next minute and a half, as Koizumi cheered and applauded.

Also present at the press conference was legendary developer Shigeru Miyamoto, who mostly talked about how much he misses Miiverse. "I'm so nostalgic for Miiverse. When I look back on my life, I realize that without exception, my most cherished memories and friendships all happened within Miiverse. In fact, it was in the Meme Run community that I met my current wife and children."

"Splatoon 1 is the best Splatoon," Furukawa continued. "Mario Maker 1 is the best Mario Maker. Hyrule Warriors 1 is the best Hyrule Warriors. Mario Kart 8 non-Deluxe is the best Mario Kart 8."

"Yooooo, the battle mode with the racing tracks was so much fun!!!" Koizumi exclaimed, as Miyamoto vigorously nodded in agreement. "Underrated," Furukawa repeated. "So underrated."

The press conference concluded with all three agreeing that the Nintendo Switch "sucks" and "ain't shit," deciding on the spot that they would deactivate its online servers in order to reconnect the Wii U ones as soon as possible. "If you like Switch better, I'm very sorry, but it's inferior and we're shutting it down."

"I'm not sorry," Miyamoto said, addressing Nintendo Switch fans directly. "Fuck you. I wish I could shut you down, too."

if fish worshipped christianity, how would they baptise new followers?? would they hold their heads above the water, or would they dunk them in extra murky water like the goo lagoon from spongebob??

or what if a priest blessed the entire ocean as holy water, would that instantly convert all aquatic lifeforms into christians?? these are the real questions that plague our society

Knowing that trans women of color started the movement in the united states and were literally immediately erased and excluded from what they started is the most deeply jading knowledge.

It is the original sin of the so-called queer community and it damns it from the cradle.

I mean... He has a point????

BONUS:

they should give spiders tiny little roller skates so they can slide around on their webs, that would be cool i think