Uh...hehe. No Reason Why I Wrote This...no Reason At Allin Any Case, Writing This Has Also Let Me Know

uh...hehe. no reason why i wrote this...no reason at all🙂in any case, writing this has also let me know i'm not that great at writing threesomes. oh well, ya live and you learn

Summary: You go to a concert of your favorite band and you manage to catch the attention of the vocalist, who invites you backstage for a more intimate meet and greet. In a not so surprising turn of events, the guitarist walks in on you two at just the right moment.

Warnings: Rockstar!Steve x Reader x Rockstar!Eddie, slight drug use, SMUT (MINORS DNI) threesome, fingering, light degradation and name calling (slut, whore), king of consent Steve, grinding, spitroast, oral (m!receiving), overstimulation, multiple creampies, and some Steddie implications and impossible situations

word count | 5.3k🤙🏻

You were finally going to a concert of one of your favorite bands ever, Corroded Coffin. Having enough money saved up to get the tickets, you almost cried tears of joy seeing the big bold letters of Ticketmaster read: You Got ‘Em. Let the Anticipation Begin.

And anticipate, you did.

The waiting was the hardest part. You had bought the ticket a few months in advance, purchasing the VIP meet and greet package as well. You did without thinking honestly, and as soon as you realized what you had done, you almost had a full blown panic attack. You knew this band were just people like everyone else, but these dudes practically saved your life and the realization that you were going to meet them? It felt like you were going to meet God, but like, ten times the nervousness of that. You had no idea how your mind and body was going to handle this. You’d never met your idols and inspirations before. 

You just hoped to every deity out there that you wouldn’t pass out. That would’ve been fuckin’ embarrassing. But the nerves only got worse the day of, the drive to the venue not helping in the slightest, but talking to other fans about each other's shared nerves made you feel a little better knowing you weren’t the only one to feel this way. And before you knew it, it was time to head inside the building to meet and take a picture with the band before the show started. Time sure flies by talking to other people while waiting in line.

You tried to keep your hands from shaking as you waited your turn, seeing the fans in front of you return with wide smiles on their faces and even some with tears. Oh god, you really hoped you didn’t cry, that would be even more embarrassing than fainting somehow. You won’t cry, you won’t cry…

You tried your best to not freak out when you walked up to the band members, but you couldn’t stop the smile that decorated your face when they seemed just as happy to meet you. Okay, you weren’t crying or freaking out, you were behaving like a normal human, so far so good. You made small talk for a few seconds, introducing yourself, telling them how much their music meant to you, etc. You felt a little guilty about it, but you were most excited about meeting Steve and Eddie. They were by far your favorite members, everyone who’s met them always talks about how sweet and down to earth they are, which made you feel much more at ease when you first bought the meet and greet pass. And those comments proved to be right, if anything it was an understatement. 

Steve was somewhat handsy, but not in a creepy way, you could tell that’s just how he interacted with people, but it didn’t stop your face from heating up. What made it worse was how Eddie was staring at you, a smirk on his face as he watched you and Steve talk excitedly. It almost distracted you from the conversation, but Steve’s hand on your shoulder quickly made your brain focus back on him.

For the picture, you were standing in between Steve and the drummer, with Eddie and the other member on the end. But that wasn’t okay with Eddie for some reason, you had to hold in a soft gasp as he pushed his way over to stand next to you, wrapping his arm around your waist with an innocent smile while Steve, after rolling his eyes, put his own arm over your shoulders. 

While you all got in your picture poses, your eyes almost widened comically as you felt a wetness gathering in your underwear…right in front of them. 

Why? Out of all the moments, your body had to pick exactly now to lube itself up. You hoped the band couldn’t tell how your face was. If your cheeks got any warmer, you would probably have steam rising from your skin. You really respected these dudes, you felt awful being so goddamn horny for them. But it seems luck was not on your side because when you lifted your arms to wrap them around Eddie and Steve at the same time, your shirt rode up just enough for Eddie’s hand to touch your skin. “Damn, you’re hot.” Eddie blurted out suddenly, making everyone stare at him in confusion, mostly embarrassment from Steve.

“Dude, what the fuck?”

“No, no, no, not like that.” He winced but before you could get slightly offended, he corrected himself again. “No, fuck, I mean, you are hot but you also feel hot.” The long haired man stuttered, making you giggle.

Then Steve decided to put the back of his hand to your forehead, as if you couldn’t be anymore mortified. “Wow, you’re right, Eds. She does feel kinda hot. You okay?”

Not even having time to register how sweet Steve was for being concerned, you came up with the first excuse you could. “Yeah, yeah, I’m good, I’m always a bit warm. Plus, it’s August.” They seemed to be okay with that excuse enough for the photographer to finally take the fuckin’ picture, allowing you to escape the awkward situation without any more blows to your ego.

“Hope you enjoy the show!” Steve smiled at you before you had to leave. You knew you would.

It was by far the best night of your life so far. Meeting the people you looked up to, watching them perform your favorite songs up close. The barricade was so close to the stage you honestly thought you could probably reach out and they’d be able to reach back, but you were too busy ogling Steve and Eddie to even think about doing such a thing. They all sounded pitch perfect, just like they do on their albums. If you couldn’t hear the breaths Steve took before belting out another lyric, you’d think he was lip syncing because his vocals were perfect. And you didn’t even know Eddie could sing until you heard him doing backup vocals. You felt like you were in heaven. No matter how much your feet burned from being on your feet dancing around and how hoarse your voice was going to be in the morning from how loudly you were singing along, you felt like you could do this forever.

Watching Eddie play guitar was a privilege in its own right, seeing how fast his fingers moved across the fretboard shouldn't have made you as horny as you were. You were positive your underwear was going to be drenched by the time the night was over. Steve winking at you in the crowd didn’t make your situation any better. If you didn’t know any better, it’s like he knew. But he couldn’t, right? No way. You caught Eddie’s eye multiple times as well, you both smiling at each other before he looked back at his guitar. Yeah, this was the life.

All too soon, the show was over and people were starting to head home. Time really does fly when you’re having fun. But something happened and you had no idea how to react. About to head to the merch table, you heard your name called. Out of all the people that called out your name, you never expected it to be Steve. You saw some members of the opening bands out on the standing room floor and merch tables talking and taking pictures with fans, but you never expected to see members of the headlining band out and about. “Hey, did you enjoy the show?” He asked and you had to blink a few times before being able to reply.

“Yeah, yes, I did! It was the first time seeing you guys and you really knocked it out of the park, seriously. I doubt any concert I go to in the future will even come close to this one.”

“I’m so happy you enjoyed it.” He grinned, reaching up to gently grip onto your upper arm. “I mean, from the way a smile never left your face during the show, I figured you must’ve liked it a little.”

You felt your face heat up again, a wide eyed expression on your face. “You…you were watching me?”

He shrugged. “It was hard not to, you’re pretty adorable.” You giggled like a schoolgirl and immediately regretted it, hated being flustered so easily. But being called adorable by the vocalist of your favorite band was definitely not on your mind when you woke up this morning.

“T-Thanks.” You stuttered, unsure of what to do, but Steve already had a plan in mind.

“Look, I’m gonna be straight with you and if I make you uncomfortable at all then you have my permission to kick me in the nuts, I swear.” You chuckled in confusion, but motioned for him to continue. “I think you’re gorgeous, I’m pretty sure I kept looking for you in the crowd cause I don’t remember doing anything but that, besides singing of course. So, only if you’re a hundred percent comfortable with it, I’d like to take you back to my dressing room and…show you how much I appreciate you coming to see us.”

You blanched, your body freezing in shock at the sudden proposition. You were dreaming, you must’ve been. Unable to form words, Steve took your silence as offense and quickly started to apologize, calling himself stupid among other self deprecating words. “No, no, don’t be sorry! I just wasn’t expecting it, is all” You quickly explained.

Steve winced. “I’m sorry, I should’ve phrased it a bit better.”

You giggled. “Steve, stop saying sorry! It’s okay, really! I’d…I’d love to.”

Steve’s eyes lit up instantly, a shine coming to his puppy dog brown eyes. “Really?”

“I haven’t kicked you in the nuts, have I?” You joked with a light smile, eliciting a relieved chuckle from the man.

“Then please…follow me.”

You were all nerves as you followed Steve to the dressing room, wringing your hands and trying to take deep breaths to calm yourself. You obviously wanted this, so badly, but you couldn’t help but to be a bit intimidated alone with one of your heroes.

“You want a drink or weed or anything?” Steve asked politely as he escorted you into his dressing room.

“Oh, no, thanks. I’m good.” You replied, trying your best to keep the timbre in your voice from wavering.

Steve smiled, taking a few cautious steps closer to you, his eyes gazing over your form. “Okay.” You tried to even out your breathing as he gently pulled you to him by your jeans’ belt loops, his hand coming up to trail a finger along your jawline, the act making your core throb and causing goosebumps to raise along your arms.

Impatiently, you went to lean in, but Steve stopped you. “Just to make sure; you do want this, right? You don’t feel pressured? I don’t wanna force you to do anything. You can walk right outta here and I won’t judge you one bit. Hell, you can still kick me in the balls if you want.” Steve’s eyes portrayed genuine care, making your heart melt at his blatant kindness and consideration. It made you absolutely sure.

“I do, Steve. I want this. I want you…” You whispered, feeling your body already being consumed by lust. Your stomach churned at the boyish grin he gave you, gently grabbing a hold of your hips and leaning you against the vanity, tugging at the hem of your shirt before kissing you.

It was soft and slow at first, more of a peck. You could feel him testing the waters, giving you an out just in case you changed your mind at the last minute, but your heated body soon grew tired of his carefulness. Steve let out a quiet noise of surprise as you deepened the kiss, hungry for more of him already.

Your mind went fuzzy as you felt Steve’s hands traveling across every inch of you he could reach, each tentative squeeze and pinch growing more confident as the rougher he got the more mewls he elicited from you. You gasped into his mouth as he started to grind against you impatiently, keeping you securely pinned to the vanity behind you, the desk digging into the small of your back.

“Can I give you a hickey?” Honestly, he asked so sweetly that you had to say yes. So polite, so soft and innocent sounding, it almost made you forget he was grinding his erection against your clothed core.

His lips on your neck raised goosebumps all over your body, you were sure he could feel it. But he continued sucking and licking the soft skin of your neck until stung, making the friction of his pelvis against yours all the more pleasurable. Fuck, you could feel your arousal pooling in your underwear as the minutes passed. The more Steve pressed his obvious erection against you, the more your sticky slick spread. You couldn’t take it anymore. “Steve, please…” You whined, craving more of his touch.

“Tell me what you want, pretty girl.” Steve whispered, his lips coming up to gently nibble at your earlobe.

“I want you to fuck me…but I need you to stretch me out with your fingers first.”

Steve smirked. “As you wish.” And before you knew it, the man had expertly tugged down your jeans along with your damp underwear, then awkwardly tried to remove them over your shoes before you just kicked them off to make it easier. Steve let out a boyish chuckle that made the butterflies in your stomach flutter rapidly before pushing your legs apart to stand in between them. You shivered as Steve ran his fingers through your slick folds, a cheeky grin decorating his face at the feeling. “So wet already?” I’ve been wet ever since the meet and greet, you wanted to say but you were cut short by two of Steve’s fingers entering you without warning. “Still tight, though.” He chuckled, pressing further into you until he was knuckle deep, curling his digits and hitting that sensitive spot at the front of your walls.

Steve looked up at you with bright, wild eyes, a small smile playing at his lips as you stared back at him in a pleasured haze. “That feel okay?” He must’ve known it did, from the way you were breathing heavily, grabbing at his shoulders like a lifeline; but he sounded so genuine that you nodded with a soft whine. “Good. Let me know if it ever stops feeling that way, deal?”

God, he was so sweet and patient, it started to make yours run thin. You wanted him so badly, and after a few more minutes of Steve finger fucking you, you were sure you were ready to take his cock. You palmed him through his jeans, feeling his thickness, making your mouth water. “I need your cock, pretty boy.” Steve’s cheeks dusted a light shade of pink, making you grin.

You eagerly helped him shimmy down his jeans and briefs down to his ankles, too impatient to remove the articles of clothing. You were already so sensitive, so when Steve ran the head of his dick though your slick folds, you let out a pitiful whine. Steve gave you a once over before slowly pushing himself through your entrance, the two of you letting out gasps, groaning once he was fully sheathed. “Are you okay?”

“God, yes, Steve. Please, move…” You whimpered, trying to restrain yourself from canting your hips to get some more friction. You wanted it hard and fast, but Steve decided to take it slow…way too slow.

Steve thrusted in and out languidly, the feeling heavenly but not enough. You could feel how much he stretched you out, could feel every pulse in his veins, could hear how much your cunt was sucking him in deeper and deeper; all the while Steve never broke eye contact with you, he was every expression on your face, how your eyes subtly rolled to the back of your skull every time he brushed against your cervix, ate up every cute noise you made. You knew he was trying to draw this out for as long as possible, smiling every time you whined impatiently. He knew what you wanted, he was just being a fuckin’ tease. “Steve, please…I need it faster. Harder.”

He playfully raised a brow. “What? Trying to get it over with, huh?” He asked, pinching your side through your shirt.

“No-ah!” You yelped as he suddenly rammed into you, the force making you bounce, his grip on your waist the only reason you didn’t fall off the vanity. “Fuck.” You moaned loudly as Steve thrusted into you at a much faster rate, any objects on the vanity’s desk toppling over and falling to the dressing room floor. “Yes, yes, yes…” You cried, feeling his cock beat against your pleasure spot at the front of your walls, trying to keep in your embarrassing wails as he finally was giving you what you wanted.

“Goddamn, you feel so good, pretty girl. Fuck, I’ve been wanting to feel this gorgeous pussy for hours. I loved watching you in the crowd tonight, a smile never leaving your face, looking up at me like I was a god. You sure know how to make a man feel special, huh?” He rambled.

“You-fuck, you are special, Steve.” You tried to reply back, stuttering with every syllable.

“Yeah? Tell me again.”

“Y-You’re s-special, Steve…”

“Fuck, yes…” Steve’s lips attached to your neck once more, his teeth grazing against your sweet spot immediately, your walls pulsing around him as you were already so close to that peak.

You and Steve were so eager to take pleasure from one another, you both didn’t even hear the door to the dressing room open. “Well, well, well, now what do we have here?” You both gasped and turned to the intrusion, a sweltering heat coming to your cheeks as you saw the guitarist staring you both down with a small smirk playing at his lips.

Steve looked at you first, gauging your reaction before he replied to his bandmate, finding no shame or nervousness in your expression. “Caught myself a little groupie, Eds.” Steve chuckled, his thrusts halting to a stop, almost eliciting a whine of protest from you. Fuck, you were almost there. You could feel your almost orgasm dull and fade away. “Ain’t she a beaut’?”

You probably should’ve been mortified, but the way Eddie was staring down at you from his place at the door, you couldn’t help but want him as well. Both him and Steve seemed to pick up on your desires. But from the way you were looking at both of them, it didn’t take a genius to put it together.

Steve leaned down to peck the underside of your jaw, slightly jerking his head in the direction of his bandmate. “Want him to join? Though, I gotta warn ya, he’s a kinky little shit.” He teased.

You giggled, the idea already making your stomach churn with overwhelming excitement. “What, you like being called daddy or something?”

Eddie scoffs, his already dark eyes darkening further. “Anything that’s not missionary is kinky to Steve. What about you, hmm? Why don’t you tell me what kinks you enjoy and I’ll decide if you can handle me or not.”

His words went straight to your core, your walls pulsing around Steve’s dick, making the man grunt. “Big on impact play. Spanking, slapping. Choking is fun. Scratched, bit, hair pulled; love all that.”

Eddie smirked widely, allowing himself to step closer to the two of you. “Right up my alley. I think we’ll get along just fine, sweetheart.” Then he gave a look to Steve, he had stopped thrusting into you as soon as Eddie started to chat you up. “Take her to the couch and keep fucking her, Stevie.” He didn’t have to be told twice, as soon as the words left his mouth, the man above you switched you both over to the little loveseat in the green room, continuing the pistoning movements of his hips, making you cry out at the sudden pleasure. “And you don’t have to call me daddy, sweetheart. Just Eddie. What about you? What titles are you okay with?”

Steve’s cockhead rocking into that sweet spot inside you made your mind go blank once more. You knew what you loved, but nothing came to mind. “Any. All. Whatever you want to call me, Eddie. I’m fine with anything.” You whined, reaching out to palm the growing bulge in his ripped jeans.

“Whatever I want, huh? What if I called you my little whore, hm?”

You blushed. “Or slut…”

“My pretty little slut…” Eddie tested, interrupted by Steve’s groan.

“Fuck, she squeezed down so hard on me when you called her that.” He mumbled out shakily.

Eddie’s eyes lightened up at the conformation. “You liked being degraded, huh?” You squeaked when he wrapped one of his large hands around your throat, squeezing roughly and cutting off your oxygen supply. “You like being called a dumb little slut, don’t ya? Such a greedy little fucktoy.”

“Woah…” Steve laughed in shock. “I was gonna say that’s a little far, but she pulsed around me again. Felt so good…I think you can make her come with those words alone, dude.”

“I could see it on her, man.” He chuckled darkly, removing his hand from your neck, allowing you to take a gasping breath. “Flip her over, Steve.” Taking instruction obediently, Steve flipped you over onto your front, forcing you to slightly lean over the pleated arm of the sofa, making your face level with Eddie’s crotch. “I could just tell she’d love being degraded like the whore she is. Now, go on and take out my cock for me, pretty slut.” You cried out as Steve reentered you from behind, the new angle making stars obscure your vision. A harsh slap to your cheek forced you to come back to reality, Eddie’s expression morphing into impatience “Already too cock drunk to listen to simple commands?” He cooed condescendingly.

Trying to ignore the immense pleasure your body was feeling, you reached up with shaky hands to undo the fly on Eddie’s jeans, feverishly shimmying them down along with his boxer briefs. You gasped as his hard cock sprung from its confines, gently smacking you in the face before you got a hold on it. The tip angry and red, feeling the blood pulsing through the veins on his shaft from underneath your fingertips, your mouth watered in anticipation. You looked up at Eddie with a grin before wrapped your lips around the head of his dick, a relieved sigh escaping his mouth. “That’s a good girl…” Eddie moaned as you tried taking him deeper, your own moans adding a vibration around his cock.

“She caught your eye too, didn’t she?” Steve’s voice echoed from behind you, not stopping his thrusts into you, inadvertently forcing you to take Eddie deeper.

“How could I not? That cute little nervous expression when she met all of us. Plus, she was at the barricade, practically drooling.” The admission made your face flush with heat, but you were too preoccupied to care.

“I could see her eyeing your fingers during all your solos.”

You took a big gasping breath as Eddie pulled out of your mouth, getting on his knees to be level with you, a smirk playing at his lips. “That true, gorgeous? You liked watching my fingers play along my fretboard?” He chuckled condescendingly when you nodded. “Pretty girl’s so cock hungry, hm?”

“Fuck…” You whined as you felt your orgasm build and build, faster than before, feeling edged way too long.

“Oh.” Eddie hummed in amusement. “Steve, I think she’s gonna come. Can you feel it?”

“Yeah, she’s squeezing around me so fuckin’ hard.” He groaned loudly.

You moaned as Eddie’s hand returned to your throat, gripping tightly enough that you felt lightheaded. Sharp pricks of pain shot through your entire body as you felt the pressure on your trachea, but it only careened you forward to your release, eliciting a loud strained moan from your lips. “Fuck, are you gonna come for Stevie, hm?” You nodded, babbling nonsense you were sure Eddie couldn’t understand. “Good slut, go on, come on his dick.” You heard Steve moan beautifully as you pulsed around him, your velvety walls holding him in a vice grip as you shook and jolted from the intensity of your climax. You barely registered the dark chuckle that escaped Eddie as he watched you writhe and sob, almost hyperventilating as you came down.

“Oh, fuck…” Steve whispered, leaning down to place gentle kisses on the nape of your neck. “So good, so good, pretty girl. Doin’ so well for us.” You purred at the praise, the hodgepodge of both Steve’s praise and Eddie’s degradation throwing you for a loop. You barely had time to recover before the two men started to thrust into you at both ends, moaning in overstimulation and gagging on Eddie’s dick as Steve’s continued its relentless pace, desperate to get to his end too.

“Look up at me, sweetheart.” Eddie spoke and your eyes widened when you noticed his phone’s camera pointed down at you. “Such a pretty thing, sucking my cock so good.” He growled, keeping a tight hold on your hair. The fact that he was filming you sucking his dick probably should’ve concerned you, but honestly, it was kind of hot and you were too fucked out to care.

“Fuck, I’m close.” Steve announced, his dick pistoning into you like his life depended on it.

“Yeah?” Eddie grinned, putting his phone away. “You gonna come in her tight little pussy, pretty boy?”

Steve grunted as his thrusts became more sloppy and erratic, using you for his pleasure wildly. “Shit, I’m coming…” He moaned, throwing his head back in pure ecstasy as ropes of his warm cum filled you to the brim. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He chuckled in exhaustion, pulling out and watched as your pussy clenched around nothing, how it slowly pushed his release out and dripped into a little puddle on the loveseat beneath you.

You took deep breaths as Eddie finally pulled out of your mouth, gently wiping drool off your chin before pushing a fucked out Steve out of the way so he could position himself behind you. “My turn, Stevie. Her mouth is fuckin’ phenomenal, but I wanna feel her tight little pussy myself.”

You gasped as Eddie flipped you over, making you face him. He looked fuckin’ angelic with him above you, much like how he looked performing on stage earlier. “Let’s take this shit off.” He growled, all but ripping your shirt and bra off your body, rendering you completely naked while he and Steve were practically still fully clothed. “Gorgeous fuckin’ tits, baby.” He groped them roughly, pinching your nipples until they stung. Eddie was much more comfortable being rough with you than Steve was. You were a hundred percent sure you’d have a multitude of bruises just from Eddie alone.

Again, unlike Steve, Eddie started with a much more rough pace. He wasted no time fully sheathing himself inside you with a hard cant of his hips, your slick and Steve’s leftover cum making his cock slid right in, the force making you cry out. “So tight still, baby girl. I wanna feel you come on my cock too. Think you can do that for me?”

“Maybe. Can try…” You stuttered, your brain practically melting from oversensitivity.

“Aw, she’s so eager.” Steve cooed, running his thumb along the sweat that was formed on the crease of your brow. “A people pleaser, this one, huh?”

Eddie smiled down at you. “That true, sweetheart? You wanna come on my cock just to please me?”

“Y-Yes…want you to feel it too.”

“Then let’s see if we can get you there one more time, okay?” Eddie’s cock was thicker and longer than Steve’s, the stretch a bit more painful but no less delicious. You couldn’t keep in your moans even if you tried. “Yeah, babygirl, let it out for me. Get fuckin’ loud. Let this whole building know how good my cock is making you feel.” You glanced over to see Steve lighting up a joint, his hair tousled and jeans pulled back up to his hips but left them unbuttoned. He looked properly beautiful. “Hey, eyes on me, slut.” Eddie growled, lightly slapping your face to get you focused. “Give me a hit of that, Stevie.”

Steve grinned as he placed the joint at Eddie’s lips, holding it for him as he took a deep inhale and blew the smoke out onto your face. The smell of the drug mixing with sex made for a delightful combo you wouldn’t have expected, the secondhand making into your lungs and making you dazed. With Eddie’s ruthless thrusts and the contact high, you felt yourself building and building up to your second orgasm, wailing and holding onto Eddie’s wrists where his hands were holding onto your love handles with a bruising grip. Your stomach ached with how rough and deep Eddie was inside you, but you never wanted him to stop, not when you were so close to another climax.

“Oh my god…” You sobbed, unable to hold back your loud moans even if you tried, the pleasure all too consuming and intense, you feared you’d black out.

“Oh fuck, you’re gonna come again, aren’t you?” Eddie mocked as he saw your body start to shake, chuckling darkly when you nodded hastily. “Steve, play with her clit for me, would ya?” You almost sobbed as Steve’s deft fingers came back for round two, finding your throbbing nub immediately and rubbing in a swift circular motion, making your eyes roll to the back of your head. Paired with Eddie’s long, thick cock hitting that spot inside you with every thrust, you were barrelling towards your orgasm at speeds that made you lightheaded. The room almost spinning and you couldn’t focus on anything besides the intense, blinding pleasure that was surging through you. “Yeah, good fuckin’ girl, come on this dick.” Eddie groaned, fucking you through your orgasm until your were crying in overstimulation once again.

“S’okay, pretty girl, you can take it.” Steve encouraged, coming to sit next to you to slot his lips against his and wipe away your tears. You couldn’t stop moaning into his mouth as Eddie sped up even more, chasing his release.

“Yes, yes, yes.” Eddie moaned. “You want my cum, slut?”

Steve grabbed your jaw, forcing you to keep your eyes on Eddie. You only nodded, all words escaping you for how fucked out you were, but Steve gripped tightly and making you wince. “Use your words, gorgeous.”

“Yes, E-Eddie, I want your c-cum.” You squeaked. “Come in me, please, Eds.” Eddie grinned at the whiny cadence of your voice, barely able to form the words. Steve started to suck and lick at your nipples as Eddie’s cum painted your inner walls, the man letting out downright beautiful whimpery moans as he finally finished, pulling out of you with a sharp exhale.

Finally able to fill your lungs properly, Steve and Eddie both peppered your face with gentle kisses before they helped clean you up, though not before admiring their handiwork. Hickeys and bruises galore, it looked like you were hit by a truck, you definitely felt like you had been due to the endurance of these two boys. You started to wonder how you were going to be able to walk to your car, let alone drive home with how wobbly your legs were.

“Are you okay, sweetheart?” Eddie asked softly as he and his bandmate helped you dress.

You beamed giddily. “More than okay. That was…amazing.” You giggled, causing both men to grin proudly. It was like a dream come true…

“Glad you enjoyed yourself, we sure did.” Eddie teased.

“And be sure to let us know whenever you’re coming to another show. We’ll let you have a backstage pass so we can do this all over again, pretty girl.” Steve winked.

“Oh, don’t worry. I definitely will.”

lalalalalalalala brain rot brain rot, i'll be in horny jail bye-bye!

Ah shit here we go again

oh god, what happened now?😂 but yeah, accurate

haaaaaaaah....aaahhhhhh...🥵🥵🥵

Sanctified

Osferth x Reader

Summary: The sweet Osferth teaches you how to atone for sins of the flesh.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings: NSFW (Minors DNI), blasphemy, sacrelige, inappropriate use of prayer, OOC Osferth probably but who knows, we never see him fuck in the show, season 4/5 Osferth, p in v sex, m!dom overtones, a bit of degradation and a lot of praise, smut, a tiny bit of fluff at the end, enthusiastic consent, fucking in a church idk what else to say, he's not a virgin in this, lord

Word Count: 3.0k

A/N: Header by @targaryenbrainrot and dividers by @osferthsbussy 🫶🏻🤭. This is a re-upload from my old blog.

“He’s mine, you bitch!”

The shrill voice of two women and the subsequent struggle that followed catches your attention from across the square.

You watched in amusement as Lord Uhtred struggled to pull them off one another while the source of the fight, Osferth, looked on helplessly. 

You pressed a hand to your mouth, stifling a giggle. Although it did not appear to be very funny to Osferth, it was extremely so to you and puzzling to boot–you’d been traveling with the group of warriors for a month now and never would have thought that the sweet monk would have been that good of a lay.

In fact, you didn’t think he bothered himself laying with women at all with how polite and gentle he was around you, and you found yourself quite entertained at the notion. 

“Why do they fight over you?” Uhtred asks him once the two women are separated, staring at Osferth with the same incredulity you felt. 

“I...I don’t know Lord, I–” Osferth shrugged helplessly before turning and jogging away without finishing his sentence. 

Briefly, you met Uhtred’s eye, tilting your head curiously with a barely suppressed smile, and he shook his head faintly, snorting a quiet laugh, before turning away. 

As the day wore on, you found yourself plagued by curiosity. 

You found yourself staring at Osferth, watching the curve of his lips when he spoke, the fluttering of his hands when he became animated in conversation, and find yourself wondering how those hands–those lips–would feel upon your skin. 

The thoughts make you burn with shame. 

Although you were not a terribly religious person, you did fear God and the fires of eternal damnation. Such sinful thoughts toward a monk of all people, whether he laid with other women or not, were surely a path toward invoking the wrath of the Almighty.

You think you are doing well at hiding your troubled thoughts until you catch Osferth watching you curiously from across the fire, his brows faintly furrowed. You drop your gaze to your hands, cheeks growing hot at the realization that you had perhaps not been as subtle as you thought. 

He stands from his place, circling the edge of the flames to sit next to you, the worn fabric of his robes rustling as he moves. 

“Forgive me, Lady, but you have been…quiet today,” he intones, his voice low so as not to attract the attention of Finan or Sihtric, who sat nearby. “Is something troubling you?”

You wet your lips, daring to meet his gaze again, your heart fluttering at the sight of his angular face under the warm glow of the fire. 

Of course, you had noticed how attractive he was before, with his long, sharp nose and gentle blue eyes, but now he seemed all the more so, and you feared the impure thoughts coursing through your head might drive you to madness sooner rather than late.

“Those women in town,” you blurt, startling both him and yourself. “They fought over you.”

It is his turn to drop his gaze to his hands shyly, evidently embarrassed by the attention.

“I did not…” you chew your cheek nervously, “I did not know that a monk would be allowed to…engage in–in the pleasures of the flesh,” you choke.

His eyes flick up to yours again, a faint smile tugging in the corner of his mouth. 

“I’m not so much of a monk anymore,” he hums after a beat, “though I do still try to keep my faith close.” He considers you for a moment before speaking again. 

“I do not often indulge, I confess.”

“How do you–well, I suppose I know how, but–” your rub the back of your neck awkwardly. “I’m sorry, I do not know exactly what it is I am trying to ask.”

“You wonder how a man of God can lie with a woman and not spend his days consumed by guilt?” he offers, tilting his head, his grin growing impish. 

You nod silently, and he chuckles faintly. 

“Prayer,” he answers your unasked question. “I pray to our Lord for forgiveness and understanding. We are sinners all, and He is most generous with his creations, I have found.”

You consider his reply, your head spinning. 

While you had lain with men before, you’d never known quite how to cope with the disgrace you felt deep within your heart when you finished. His response cast things in a new light, one you had never considered before. 

“How do you pray for his forgiveness then?” you ask. “If I wished to be forgiven, but I did not know how, how would I do so? I confess I am…in ill practice with matters of faith.”

“I could show you,” he offers, his smile widening further when you nod. “Come, the town’s church is nearby. We shall pray there,” he rises, dusting off his robes and holding a hand out to you, helping you to your feet. 

“Oi! Where are you two off to then?” Finan grumbles, cocking a quizzical brow at your joined hands.

“To pray,” you answer truthfully, though the answer seems to be taken differently by the Irishman, who snickers appreciatively. 

“You know, Baby Monk, there are other ways of getting a woman on her knees?” he teases, eliciting a snort from Sihtric, though Osferth simply rolls his eyes, giving his head a shake and pulling you away, refusing to dignify the taunts with a reply.

The church isn’t far–a mere five-minute walk from where you are camped–and it stands empty, mostly dark save the pale moonlight that trickles through the windows. 

There are rows of wood pews lining the gray cobbled floors, and a simple altar atop a stone dais, a large, dark oak cross placed behind it, looming over the rest of the room.

Osferth leads you to a pew near the front and stands beside you, clasping his hands before him and lowering his head in reverence.

You do the same. 

“Oh Lord, I choose to gain control of myself so I can live a Holy and pure life,” he begins, his voice husky. “I beg of you to wash me clean of all lustful desires in Jesus' Name.”

You cannot keep yourself from watching his lips as they move around the syllables of his prayer, the confession of his sins making a bolt of heat course through you.

“Lord, please help me to overcome my lustful thoughts and desires, and fill me with your Holy Spirit, so I may resist temptation,” he continues, tilting his lowered head to look at you. “I ask in Jesus' name. Amen.”

“Amen,” you echo, your mouth dry as you swallow thickly. 

He looks beautiful like this under the glow of the moon, half-shrouded in shadow, and his eyes burn with something dark as he releases his clasped hands and takes a slow step toward you. 

“As the Holy book says,” he’s speaking to you alone now, reaching to tuck a lock of hair behind your ear, your cheek tingling where his fingers brush, “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes.”

You vaguely recognize the words as a passage from the book of Proverbs, but it feels as though he is offering a warning to you, and your heart thunders in your chest.

“Is there not also a passage that says “each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire”?” you ask, unable to tear your eyes from him. 

“Mhm,” he replies faintly. His eyes are locked upon your lips shamelessly, and you are struck with the realization that perhaps he was praying not for what he had done but for what he was about to do.

“Romans, 6:12,” he whispers, citing your verse reverently, before closing the gap between you, capturing your lips in a searing kiss. His long fingers curl around the edge of your jaw, his other hand lightly cupping at the back of your neck, holding you firmly in place. 

Your head is spinning, and for a moment, you feel entirely weightless, as if your feet may float from the ground and carry you straight up to heaven.

His mouth is warm against yours, kissing you deeply enough to steal the very breath from your lungs, and you are sure that this is what salvation must feel like.

You feel a rush of heat between your legs, and you whimper softly against him, allowing him to break away from you slowly, panting. 

“Osferth,” you manage, “I…I desire to be cleansed of my sins,” you can see from the darkening of his eyes that the innuendo is not lost on him. “Will you help me?”

His nostrils flare as he sucks in a deep breath, studying you for a moment before he nods, shifting his hands to your hips and moving you in front of him, pinning you between his firm body and the wooden pew before you.

“To be cleansed, you must make a sacrifice under the eyes of God for your soul to be pure again,” he murmurs in your ear, so low it is nearly a whisper, his fingers tightening against your hips. Your eyelids flutter, and your cunt clenches, the fanning of his breath against your cheek making your blood turn to liquid fire.

“Would you allow me to sanctify you, Lady?”

You suck in a slow, ragged breath, leaning back into his touch, the heat of his palms only fueling the burning deep in your belly.

He drags the point of his nose down your neck, inhaling as if you were a bouquet of flowers or a fine wine, and you shudder, reaching forward to grip the back of the bench before you.

“Yes,” you breathe, tilting your head when he places a hot, firm kiss on your pulse point, “please.”

“Good,” he practically purrs, lips tickling at your sensitive skin. “However, you must be patient,” he bites softly on your neck, drawing a whimper from your parted lips, “patience is a virtue, my sweet lady.”

He slips a hand downward, bunching your skirts up in his hand, dipping it between your legs and beneath your small clothes. You cry out softly, your hips jolting forward against his rough fingers as they circle your bud, caressing it slowly.

“Shh,” he hums, trailing hot kisses back up your neck to the juncture of your jaw, suckling firmly behind your ear. “Quiet for now, my angel.”

You clamp your lips shut, trying your utmost to obey, your head falling back against his shoulder. He presses his unoccupied hand to your belly, anchoring you against his body, forcing his growing stiffness against your soft backside. An animalistic growl rumbles in the back of his throat, increasing the pressure of his fingertips between your thighs.

Gone was the sweet, shy monk you’d known, and in his place was someone else. Someone hungry and domineering. Someone feral.

“Oh, my lady…” he breathes, “Does that feel good? Do you like having my fingers pressed to your wet little cunt?”

The utter depravity of his words makes you gasp, bucking against his slender digits, and he trails them down further, teasing at your entrance with a pleased huff. 

“Oh, you’re soaked, my Lady,” he taunts. “How vulgar. I thought you sought salvation, yet here you are, rutting against my hand like a common wench.”

He plunges two fingers inside you, easing you open, the slick sounds only slightly muffled by your skirts. You reach back with one hand, gripping the back of his neck, and turn your head, prompting him to claim your lips in another punishing kiss. 

He pumps inside you roughly, the heel of his palm grinding against your pearl, and you’re forced to break the kiss, gasping for air. His cock is hard and heavy through your layers of clothing, and he rocks against you lazily, breathing deep and rough. 

The hand on your belly trails up, grasping at your breasts through your bodice, squeezing at one, then the other, and you can feel his pleased smirk against your shoulder with every little whine you cannot manage to hold in. 

“Keep your eyes on the cross, Lady,” he instructs, his hand moving from your chest to your neck, tilting your head upward to gaze upon it. He doesn’t squeeze your neck, he simply holds, but the possessiveness of the gesture makes you sigh in rapture as you do as you are told. 

“Are you ready for my cock?” he growls, his hips rutting slowly against the swell of your ass, “To earn your penance?” You whimper, nodding weakly.

“Yes.”

He withdraws his fingers from you, leaving you uncomfortably empty, but your displeasure will only last for a moment. In a flash, he’s pulling up his robe, undoing trousers, and rucking your skirts up around your hips, exposing your bare center to the cool night air. 

“You’re ever prettier here,” he muses, dragging the head of his cock up and down between your soaked folds. “Divine.”

He thrusts forward, his length sliding deep into you from behind with one fluid thrust, the stretch all but knocking the wind out of you. 

You slap a hand over your mouth, stifling the sharp groan it elicits with your palm, gripping the pew for dear life.

“Are you alright, Lady?” he breathes, thumbs stroking soothingly at your hips, a flicker of his typical, gentle self sneaking through for a brief moment. 

“Yes,” you breathe, wriggling your hips experimentally as you adjust to his size. “I am. Please, Osferth…move.”

He complies with a grunt, giving you a series of shallow thrusts, giving you a moment to relax around him before he begins to fuck you in earnest, each roll of his hips making you gasp with pleasure.

“Osferth,” you gasp, “please. Harder.”

He groans low in his throat and does as you ask, his pelvis slapping against your backside audibly with each thrust. 

You drop your head, letting it hang, but he gently grabs your throat again, tipping it back up to continue looking at the cross before you. 

“Do not look away,” he commands huskily. “Tis part of your penance.”

You moan out loud at his words and do as he tells you, forcing your head to stay up, locking your eyes upon the dark wood.

He makes a low sound of approval, the lewd sounds of your union increasing in volume as he drives into your dripping cunt, wet and obscene.

You bite your lips shut, trying to stay quiet, and he appears to pick up on that quickly, tapping at your hip in mild disapproval. 

“Don’t be quiet now,” Osferth urges. “Let Him hear you,” he snarls, “pray for his forgiveness.”

When you only whine in response, he tuts faintly. 

“Cat got your tongue? Not to worry–I shall help you. Repeat after me: 'Lord, please help me to overcome my lustful thoughts and desires.' Say it.”

“L-lord…” you manage, your voice breaking with each smack of his hips against your backside, “Please…please help me to–oh–” A particularly harsh thrust makes you wail, your grip tightening on the pew before you, fingers aching. 

“Keep going,” he encourages calmly as if he weren’t fucking you towards utter devastation.

“Please help me to…overcome my…my lustful thoughts and desires!” the end of your sentence escapes you with a squeal, and he hums in approval, moving one hand from its punishing grip on your hip to resume its earlier ministrations on your bud. 

“Well done,” he praises lowly. “Now, after me: 'fill me with your Holy Spirit'.”

“Fill me…with your Holy Spirit,” you choke out, your voice thin, pathetic.

“So I may resist temptation.”

“So I may–fuck–so I may resist… temptation,” you mewl in response, all coherent thoughts turned to mush, your legs shaking violently as the coil in your gut tightens, signaling your fast-approaching release.

“Cursing in a house of God,” he chides roughly, though he sounds far more pleased than disappointed. “I thought you were trying to…repent?” His voice grows unsteady, his thick cock throbbing inside you, the head brushing the rough patch within you with each deep stroke.

“I can feel–feel you clenching,” he snarls. “You’re close, are you?”

You nod rapidly, pressing your hips backward in tandem with his thrusts. 

“Do not peak yet,” he warns. “You must finish your prayer: I ask in…in Jesus’ name. Amen,” he punctuates his final word with a snap of his hips, and you jerk forward at the impact, relying solely on his strength to keep you upright, as your legs have nearly given beneath you. 

“I ask…” you interrupt yourself with a low moan, your cunt tightening around him, the beginnings of your orgasm coursing through you. “I ask in Jesus’ name,” you cry, your eyes rolling back in your head. “Amen.”

With a satisfied grunt, he curses under his breath as you come apart around him, your entire body rigid and your mind utterly blank with pleasure. 

Your peak drags him over the edge as well, and he swiftly pulls out of your fluttering cunt just in time, spilling his seed on the stone floor with a groan, clutching your waist with one arm as he jerks his length furiously, milking his pleasure from him. 

He stumbles slightly, dropping back into the pew behind him and dragging you with him, your boneless frame relaxing against his firm body, legs still trembling from your peak. 

Shifting you in his lap, he turns your halfway to face him, kissing you soft and sweet, the Osferth you knew returning to him in the afterglow of your coupling. He pulls back with a soft peck to your lips, a little smile softening his features.

“You,” he breathes, stroking your face with the backs of his fingers, “shall be my absolution.”

Your lips tilt upwards at his proclamation, your cheeks hot from the praise. 

“I fear that you speak too highly of me, Osferth,” your murmur, pressing your lips to his once more. 

“I do not,” he counters. “I have simply learned tonight what it is to be in the presence of true divinity.”

Main Tag List:

@chompchompluke @osferthsbussy @girlwith-thepearlearring @prettyblondguys @chrispumpkin @babyblue711 @crownedtargaryen @skikikikiikhhjuuh @blackdreamspeaks @brianochka @schniiipsel

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I've always been a horse girl, I ain't ashamed in sayin it

Dragonstone Hollow

Modern AU Series (ONGOING)

Aemond Targaryen x Reader

Based on a SENSATIONAL request from @denaerystargaryen & by the behind the scenes pictures from The Stable...

Summary: The summer after graduating university, you and your best friend Baela are invited to spend a few months with her boyfriend Jace at his family's ranch, Dragonstone Hollow. You get along well with all of his cousins, except for one with a painful past (and a pretentious attitude).

Rating: Explicit/18+

🌿 Series-Inspired Playlist 🌿

🌿 Dragonstone Hollow Headcanons 🌿

This series will include elements of a few of the requests I have received. Once I begin posting, there will be approximately one installment posted per week. I'm very excited to share it with all of you!

dividers by @firefly-graphics

Saddle Up (Part 1)

Reined In (Part 2)

Broken In (Part 3)

Spurred (Part 4)

Bridled (Part 5)

Unfettered (Part 6)

Green Broke (Part 7)

Best-in-Show (Part 8)

Tethered (Part 9)

Part 10 Coming Soon

If you would like to be added to this story-specific tag list, let me know! 🫶🏻

Oh no. No, no, no, I HATE babies!!!!! Why are you doing this to me, man??????? My heart can't take it!!!! Fuuuuuuckkkk, i.. want...Eddie'ssss...babiesssss...ahhhhh

𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝓁𝒶𝓉𝑒 || eddie munson x reader

𝓈𝓊𝓂𝓂𝒶𝓇𝓎 || sometimes, the best things happen when you're a little late.

𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹 𝒸𝑜𝓊𝓃𝓉 || 2.7k

𝓌𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈 || implied smut/established relationship (18+), unplanned pregnancy, reader's parents are controlling, no descriptions of pregnancy/childbirth, dad!eddie, implied preppy/rich reader but it's not discussed much

this is just a short and sweet little fic based on a random idea I had, totally different from what I normally do but I hope y'all like it!!

“Hey pumpkin,” he purred as you sat on his desk, resting one of those beautiful ringed hands on your thigh.  You had been practicing how you were going to say this all weekend and now you felt like you’d forgotten it somehow; he had that effect on you.

Taking a deep breath, you saw his eyes narrow for a second and his head tilt— he knew something was up, but he didn’t have to ask what before you blurted it out: “I’m late.”

He frowned and looked at the clock on the classroom wall; “It’s still three minutes until class?” he observed.

“Eddie…” you whispered, feeling so— something.  This crazy feeling you’d had for days now; this weird, nervous, insecure kind of feeling.  This oh my god is this happening to me feeling.  

He looked at you, waiting for more context, and you chewed your lip as you looked away.  Then he seemed to get it, and his chest sunk.  “O-oh, fuck.”

“Yeah.”

“I— okay,” he breathed, leaning in closer to you.  “Like… how late?”

“Four days?”

“Shit,” he hissed, glancing out the window and back at you— like there was gonna be someone standing outside holding up a sign for him that would tell him what to say.  But there wasn’t, and he obviously had no fucking idea what to say.  “Shit,” he said again.

“Yeah,” you also said again.

He stood up from his desk, lowering his voice and standing closer to you so (hopefully) only you could hear; thankfully nobody else seemed to be paying either of you much attention, just trying to get ready for class.  You wished you could think about class right now.  “What do we— I mean, how do we— I— when will you know?  Like, for sure?”

Even with all this fear (and nausea) swirling inside you, you still almost swooned at those big brown eyes, looking at you like this.  You could tell he was terrified, just as much as you, but he couldn’t hide the small edge of excitement— as much as this is supposed to be every young guy’s worst nightmare, you knew a part of him was thrilled at the chance of it.

You were too, though you were too embarrassed to admit that even to yourself.  It was horribly misguided; your parents didn’t even know you’d been seeing Eddie, because you’d figured they would have a heart attack if they knew.  This was going to be armageddon— if it was really going to happen.  You were still hoping it was just an unpredictable period and a whole lot of wasted emotion.

“I won’t know for sure until I go to a doctor,” you answered, “but I can’t really do that without tipping off my parents…”

“I’ll drive you,” he decided.

“And… if it’s…?” you dared to mumble, nervously glancing down, preparing for him to answer that he would drive you to a different doctor…

Instead, he opened his mouth and the bell rang.  “We’ll talk about that later,” he decided.  

“Okay,” you breathed.  “I— yeah, we’ll talk about it.  We’ll… figure something out.”

He pulled you in for a kiss suddenly, and it soothed you a bit as you melted into his arms.  The teacher cleared her throat; “I’d oblige you to return to your own classroom, Miss?” she instructed.

Eddie didn’t let you go quite yet, though, holding your face and looking at you closely.  “It’s gonna be okay,” he promised.  “No matter what happens, it’s gonna be okay.  Okay?”

“Okay.”

He kissed your forehead one more time as he hugged you, and then you took your leave, back to your class, where you had no hope of focusing.

~

“If you do— I mean, if it is—” he kept stopping and starting over— “and if it’s mine—”

“Eddie!” you frowned, smacking him on the arm.

“Sorry, sorry— I know you’re not— sorry,” he mumbled, “I just mean… that’s my baby.  Our baby.”

You bit your lip.

“I-if it is, you know, there, I mean,” he mitigated.

“Okay, so if it is— if I am… what do you want me to do?” you asked.

“Whatever you need to do,” he nodded.  “Whatever’s right for you.  I mean, I know your parents…”

He trailed off, and you raised your brows as you nodded.  “Yeah…”

“So if you have to… I understand,” he insisted.

“But what do you want me to do?” you asked again.

He chewed his lip.  “It’s your choice.”

“I know,” you groaned, “but if you could choose what I was going to do for me—”

“Which I would never do,” he announced proudly.

“What would you hypothetically want me to do if it was up to you?” you pressed.  “And don’t say I should do what’s best for me,” you warned, causing him to shut his mouth which he’d just opened.

“I… uh, well, I guess…” he stalled, looking down; but you could tell he already knew what he wanted, he was just trying to find the courage to say it.  Getting a serious look on his face, he finally admitted it: “I’d want you to keep it.  I’d want us to… have it, raise it.”

You sighed, smiling with relief— you felt the same way, but didn’t want to say it first, in case it pressured him into feeling like he had to be involved.  And the last thing you wanted was to raise a baby with someone only there out of obligation.

“I know we’re young, and it’s sooner than either one of us wanted this to happen,” he continued, “but I don’t… I don’t want you to think of our baby as a mistake.  Not planned, sure, a little unexpected… but if we do this, it’s not a mistake.  It’s two people who love each other starting a family together.”

He stepped closer to you, holding your hands tightly as you smiled.

“But that’s just if I was in charge of everything, which I’m not,” he laughed.  

“No, that’s what I want, too,” you admitted.  “But, if that’s gonna happen, I have to tell my parents first.”

Eddie blew out a long breath that inflated his cheeks.  “Yeah.  Good luck with that.”

You raised an eyebrow, and he coughed.

“Uh, I mean— I’ll come with you, if you want, obviously.  Your dad doesn’t own any guns, right?”

You laughed a little, leaning forward to rest your head on his chest with a sigh.  “He won’t literally kill you, Ed— but I think I should do it myself, just so they have a chance to meet you when things are less… emotional, I guess.”

“Yeah,” he breathed, kissing the top of your head and petting your hair as you leaned on him.  “S’gonna be okay, pumpking, even if they get mad at first.”

You nodded, replying “I know,” but you didn’t really know.  You had this sick feeling in your stomach, terrified of how they would react— especially considering you’d already been formally banned from seeing Eddie anymore.

You waited, of course, to tell them until you were late enough that something had to be said— actually, they nearly figured it out once the sudden bouts of nausea began.  If either of you had known what would happen after they found out, you would’ve cherished that time before more carefully.

one year later…

It took about half a second for Wayne to figure it out, seeing you on his doorstep with a baby on your hip.

His nephew had been listless ever since you left, and it took him a while to even say what was going on— but after a few times of innocently asking if that girl’s ever gonna come around again, Wayne finally assumed that you’d dumped him.  But apparently, it was far worse than that; when he had a few beers in him, Eddie told the whole story about how a broken condom led to a missed period and about a dozen positive at-home tests.  And that, apparently, wasn’t the issue— he admitted he’d wanted to go through with it, offered to marry you, got excited about having a child even if he felt totally overwhelmed at the idea of becoming a father.

I figured I could do it better than mine, Eddie told his uncle, a little somber smile on his face, and that made me feel better.  Kind of a low bar, but still.  I’d’ve done anything for that baby… for our baby…

But that was when he got choked up and struggled to say much more, until Wayne eventually pulled it out of him.  Her parents, man, they hate me— guess I can understand why, ‘cept they never even met me.  She told ‘em and they just went ballistic.  And they… she’s gone.

‘Gone’ as in, shipped off to live with extended family in another state and, presumably, have the pregnancy quietly ‘taken care of’.  You’d told him from the start that’s probably what they’d do, or at least make you give it up for adoption.  They told their country club and cotillion friends you were studying abroad, to save the shame of admitting their daughter was knocked up by a trailer park freak.

Well, apparently Eddie had been slightly wrong about what happened to the baby after you disappeared, and now, here you were.  And Wayne was staring at you, with that sweet-but-slightly-terrified look in your eyes.

“Is Eddie here?” you asked meekly; because what else would you ask?

Wayne sighed.  “No, he’s at work— he’ll be back in an hour.”

Your eyes lit up a little, even through all that fear you had on your face.  “He has a job?”

“Yeah, at the oil change place on Main,” Wayne nodded.  “You can wait for him here, if you don’t mind.”

You smiled a little; “F’course I don’t,” you assured, “and… well, I figured you might wanna meet her, too.”

Wayne smiled back, feeling like he was finally allowed to address the adorable, chubby-cheeked elephant in the room.  

“Say hi to Uncle Wayne,” you instructed the baby sweetly, and she smiled but tucked her face into your shoulder.

“Hi, beautiful,” he smiled at her, waving with just the tips of his fingers.  “Wow, got your daddy’s eyes, don’tcha?”

You felt your face warm as he noticed it— of course, it wasn’t like there was much chance this was anybody else’s baby, but knowing that Wayne knew made you slightly nervous he would judge you somehow (since everyone else had).  Instead, he brought you both inside and started making tea.

~

When Eddie’s van pulled up outside the trailer, you glanced at Wayne nervously.  He nodded towards the door, adding, “I’ll watch her— just go.”

Your legs were a little shaky as you stood up off the couch, but you did your best to breathe normally as you opened the door and stepped out onto the lawn.

Eddie was getting groceries out of the back of his van, and your heart rate picked up even more as you waited for him to see you; you worried he wouldn’t want to, after you disappeared on him.  You’d never had a chance to say goodbye, to explain what was going on or why you were leaving… he could hate you, if he wanted, for abandoning him.

But when he did see you, and you shyly shrugged a little as you waited for a reaction, he dropped the grocery bags on the ground and ran to you.

“Oh my god!” he laughed excitedly, pulling you into a tight bear hug.  “Pumpkin, I thought I might never see you again…”

You hugged him back, wanting to think of something to say but getting too caught up in holding him again, in burying your face in his soft shirt and smelling his cologne; this was all you’d been thinking about for most of the last year.

“I missed you so much,” Eddie began as he let you go for a moment, looking at you like he wanted to be sure you were really here, “and I wanted to call, or write or something, but I couldn’t— I guess you couldn’t either— and I barely got out of bed for a week after you left, just ask Wayne— how long have you been waiting?  Are your boobs bigger?”

You started to laugh, covering your face with your hands and Eddie’s laughed thinly as his face tinted pink.

“Sorry, I didn’t wanna say anything,” he mumbled, “but like, they’re bigger, right?”

You nodded.  “Yeah— it’s ‘cause I’m breastfeeding…”

He blinked quickly, and you bit your lip as you waited for a reaction.  “I thought— I figured your parents had made you— I— pumpkin,” he breathed, and your heart twisted.  “Is this really…?  I mean, I’m not dreaming, am I?”

You shook your head.  “I’m sorry I couldn’t visit before— I wanted you to meet her so bad, I just—”

“Her?” he repeated, and you only started to choke up when you saw the tears in his eyes; you nodded.  “I— oh my god, I love you,” he said simply, wiping a tear off his cheek before hugging you again— not as tight as before but somehow warmer and sweeter.

“I love you too,” you whispered, “I’m sorry I left, I’m sorry I couldn’t call, I swear I wanted to but—”

“Don’t be sorry for anything, okay?” he interrupted you, kissing the top of your head as he began to rock you side to side in the hug.  “I’m just so happy you’re here…”

“Sh-she’s here too,” you blurted out, making him freeze and look down at you.  “She’s inside, with Wayne, if you wanna…?”

He sniffled as he wiped another tear away; “Y-yeah, of course… of course I do, wow, yeah.  Okay.”

“I-it’s okay if you’re not ready yet,” you assured, but he laughed.

“Are you kidding?  I’ve been waiting for this since… I don’t even know how long— since you sat on my desk in Science class…”

You beamed and hugged him again before you walked together into the trailer.

When you and Eddie stepped inside, Wayne was bouncing her on his knee— she was reaching up to grab his face, a new favorite hobby of hers, and he scrunched up his nose and closed one eye as her little hands explored his rough, stubbly features.  Eddie already looked overcome with emotion just watching the scene before him, staring forward at her with a slack mouth and shiny eyes, and he hadn’t even seen her face yet; when you shut the door, the sound made her turn her head to look back at you.  He was still speechless, walking forward slowly and kneeling down in front of Wayne’s feet.  Wayne turned her to face him better, and Eddie wordlessly reached up towards her; she grabbed hold of one of his fingers, and he smiled and sniffled as he looked at her tiny fist and back up to her face.  “Hi there,” he greeted quietly.

“Eddie… this is Emily,” you introduced them quietly, and Eddie beamed as he glanced at you for a second before looking at her again.

“Hello, Emily,” he said, “I’m Eddie— I mean, dad.  I’m Daddy.  Nice to meet you.”

You snorted at how formal it was, but still had to wipe a tear from your eye.

“Can I hold her?” he asked quietly, nervously.

“Of course,” you breathed, almost heartbroken that he could ever imagine not being allowed to hold her— but then again, he never got to see her, or even know she existed, until now.

Wayne handed her off to Eddie, who put his hands under her arms— she was still so small, his grasp almost covered her whole body.  Standing up and taking her with him, Eddie stared at her for a moment with the most amazed smile on his face; she reached for that very face, and he laughed as she held on tight to his nose.

You were wondering if you’d have to guide him in how to hold her, but as he pulled her into a hug, he impressed you with how experienced he already looked— he looked like a dad, and he’d only been doing it for less than a minute.  It made your heart so full, finally seeing them together, finally seeing your baby in her father’s arms, finally feeling like your family was complete.

He bounced her in his arms, kissing her head and face, tears still striping his cheeks.  Hi baby, hi beautiful, hi gorgeous, hi Emily, he kept whispering to her.  Daddy loves you so much.  Daddy missed you.  

𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐃𝐫𝐮𝐠 𝐈𝐧 𝐌𝐞 𝐈𝐬 𝐘𝐨𝐮 - Javier Peña

"you've got me in a...CHOKE. HOOOOLD. even if it huuurts meee, even if I can't sleep. show me the waaaaaaaaayyyyy" - Chokehold, Sleep Token. Mood for my Pedro Pascal era

Summary: It seems the only way to get Javier to talk about his feelings is by having the person he cares about having a near death experience. Not the most healthy way to confess your feelings for someone, but hey, it works.

Warnings: unrequited but not actually unrequited love, inaccurate descriptions of how the DEA operates, Javier needs a therapist, bad wingman Steve, character study ish? that's mostly in Javi's POV, gun wounds and violence, hurt/comfort, whump, kinda forced proximity, eventual fluff, sexual refences but no smut this time (shocker, right?)

word count | 7.7k🤙🏻

Javier’s team had found out where one of Escobar’s men was. This was huge. If he and his team could catch him, get him to flip on his boss; he could snag the man that week.

The whole building was hustling and running around, preparing to go after this guy as soon as possible, just as soon as they got word everybody was in position. Javier’s nerves threatened to overflow, just the thought of being one step closer to catching Pablo Escobar and taking down his cartel after evading justice again and again, his body was set ablaze and his fingers twitched with excitement.

There was just one problem.

As Javier was putting on his bulletproof vest, from across the office, you caught his eye. That wasn’t abnormal in the slightest, you had always unknowingly begged for the attention of Javier’s gaze ever since he met you years ago; but this time, seeing you put an unwanted pit in his stomach. To everyone else, you looked normal, getting ready for this upcoming battle like the rest of the people on this mission. But all Javier saw was you preparing to meet your demise.

Javier wasn’t normally so nervous about things like this. In this line of work, people get hurt, some even die, that’s just what happens unfortunately. But the thought of it possibly happening to you didn’t sit right with him at all. If it was his call to make, he’d make you stay here away from all the action. You wouldn’t be in a ten mile radius of a single cartel member. But of course, that wasn’t his call to make, all he had was his convincing charm and his history with you to get you to even consider sitting out. Before thinking about it any longer, Javier started taking the steps it took to make it to your desk, the one that was always just a couple feet away from his but somehow always felt too far.

From the reluctant expression on your face as you looked up at him, Javier could already tell this conversation isn’t going to go the way he wants it to, as most conversations with you; but it was too late to back out now. “Almost ready, Peña?” Peña, always fuckin’ Peña. You made a point never to call him anything other than his last name. Though, he couldn’t blame you, not after everything he’s done to you. But it still made a tiny dagger go through his heart every time you refused to call him Javi. 

You clearing your throat awkwardly made Javier suddenly aware of how creepy he was being, just staring at you, lost in his own thoughts. He cleared his own throat to avoid any possible voice cracks or stutters before finally responding to your very simple question. “I am.”

You raised an eyebrow, a look of amusement gracing your features which Javier always found adorable and would’ve still thought that if it wasn’t for how goddamn humiliating it was to have that expression directed at his being an idiot. “That’s it? You walked over here to tell me you’re ready?” A ghost of a smirk played at your lips, your very kissable lips.

Fuck, Javi, be professional. “No.” He stuttered briefly. “No.”

“Just out with it, man, we don’t have all day.”

Javier sighed in annoyance, placing his hands on his hips and looking down at you with a frown. “Look…, we all know how dangerous this guy is-”

You scoffed, already shaking your head. “No, no, no-”

“So, I was thinking you’d be of more use here. Hold down the fort while we try to bring this guy in.” He tried to keep his heartbeat under control as you stood up from your sitting position on the top of your desk, standing at your full height, obviously trying to come off as a bit intimidating; but you weren’t, not in that way, at least. Javier was more afraid of what was about to come out of your mouth.

“Will you be staying here?” You asked, looking him straight in the eyes; he could practically see all the obscenities floating around in your head that desperately wanted to come out, but couldn’t as to be somewhat professional.

Javier sighed quietly. “No, obviously not.”

“Why not?” You shrugged nonchalantly. “If this guy is so dangerous, you should stay here too. With me. Right?”

Ignoring the butterflies swirling around in his stomach as with me kept repeating over and over in his head, he grit his teeth to mask his expression into subtle anger. “It’s different.”

You crossed your arms and leaned against your desk. “Okay, Peña, give me one good reason why I shouldn’t go on this mission.”

Peña, his thoughts screamed at him. You used to call him Javi. Because I can’t bear the thought of losing you… “Because you’d be a liability. You’d only get in the way, and we can’t afford that right now.”

“Remind me, who was one of the first women to ever get assigned this case?” You asked, trying not to sound smug as everyone in this office knew the answer to that question.

“You were…” He replied with a scowl, his words sounded pained like they were being ripped out of him.

“Exactly. So, there’s no way in hell you’re gonna keep me from trying to catch this motherfucker. Okay? I can take care of myself.” You shoved your pointer finger directly on his chest, pushing him back a tiny bit.

Javier tried to ignore Steve’s shit eating grin as he walked back over to his desk dejectedly. That fuckin’ asshole. “Shoot. I’m surprised you ain’t dead as a doornail, with the way she’s lookin’ at ya.” Steve started as soon as Javier sat back down in his creaky old chair, massaging his temples from the oncoming headache that was surely going to feel like he was being bludgeoned with a hammer. “What did you do this time, Peña?”

Javier scowled and rolled his eyes, pouring himself a drink. “I just told her, I think she’d be better off staying away from the front lines.”

Steve snorted obnoxiously. “And what? You think she’d stay here? God, Peña, you really ain’t yourself when you’re smitten.”

Javier resisted the urge to throw his glass of whiskey right at Steve’s hillbilly face. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Dude, you wanna get in her pants do bad it makes you look stupid. And makes you act even stupider, no offense.”

“Offense taken. Asshole.” He growled. “And I’m not smitten. It’s just…this mission is dangerous.”

“She’s a big girl, Javi. She can take care of herself. I’m sure she told ya as much after chewing you out.” More like tearing me apart into itty bitty pieces until I was nothing but ground fuckin’ dust. “You know what you need, Javi?” Oh, this should be good. “A therapist. I’ve recently been seeing one and man, let me tell ya, there’s stuff I’ve learned about myself that I didn’t even know.” Javier laughed. Like, really laughed. “I’m serious, man. Might help you figure out those commitment issues.”

“I already have a therapist.”

Now it was Steve’s turn to laugh. “Oh, yeah? Who?” Steve’s amused grin quickly turned into an annoyed grimace as Javier held up his bottle of whiskey that read: Jack Daniels.

Nah, Javier didn’t need a goddamn therapist. He was just fine…

He was, in fact, not fine.

Javier couldn’t stop the nervous twitch in his hands as everyone filed out of the office as soon as one of their undercover officers finally gave the signal that the cartel member was in place, rushing to the trucks to get to the place in town as soon as possible. He gave one last glance over to you as you got into a different truck that was going to be part of the surrounding force to make sure the member couldn’t escape. Honestly, Javier would’ve felt better if you were on his team instead, but things just didn’t work out that way. You’d be fine…you were going to be fine.

The drive over felt like forever when in reality it was probably around a few minutes. Javier knew he never should’ve talked to you before this mission, conversations with you always put him on edge, for various reasons. But he also knew he’d curse himself later if he didn’t try to talk you out of it once. Now, he couldn’t stop thinking about all the possible outcomes of this attempted arrest. What would happen if they fail? What would happen if this cartel member had a machine gun on him? What would happen if, god forbid, you get shot and killed? Would Javi be able to live with himself?

God, I’m so fucking stupid.

Javier couldn’t escape the onslaught of memories that flashed through his mind, each one causing a heat to rise to his face and guilt chew at him from the inside out. 

It was only several months ago that you confessed your attraction to him. The office was celebrating a recent successful mission and people were drinking. You had gotten drunk, Javier being a little buzzed. You both did teasing dances around each other ever since you met, but Javier never thought you’d want to take things further. But with a few shots loosening your tongue, you told Javi that you really liked him. You loved dancing, but your legs were threatening to give out in exhaustion if Javi kept spinning you around in his little tango. You were gorgeous, of course, but Javier didn’t really know what to say and you noticed that. For a drunk person, you were very astute.

It’s not that Javier wasn’t attracted to you, he was, very much so. He enjoyed your company, he loved the back and forth that seemed to come so naturally to the two of you, he could actually imagine dating you and maybe even more. But Javier didn’t date, not anymore. He fucked. He had one night stands. He didn’t have time for dating. He didn’t have commitment issues, he was just…okay, he was afraid. Javier wasn’t afraid of much. He was a DEA agent, he got shot at on a regular basis, putting his life on the line every day to keep drugs off the streets. And yet, somehow, you managed to be the one thing he’s scared of the most and he can’t even tell you why.

Your face when he turned you down would be forever etched into his mind. It wasn’t even noticeable, it was a split second of sadness crossing your features that he almost missed it. But he didn’t. Every smile you ever gave him, your flustered expression whenever he flirted with you a bit too hard, all burned away by that one subtle despondent look. It sobered you up pretty quickly. You said you didn’t take it to heart, that you understood and apologizing if you made things awkward. He was your carpool that night, so the ride home was…tense, to put it lightly. You lived in the same apartment building, hence the carpool, but you lived a floor up. Javier thought about walking you to your apartment, like he usually would do just to spend that extra time with you when he didn’t have to, but he just couldn’t. Little by little, that mask of nonchalant withered away as you got more tired, unable or just unwilling to keep up the façade. Javi couldn’t look at you anymore, not if he wanted his heart to stay intact. His friendship with you would never be the same after that night. 

He fucked up. He really fucked up. But he thought it was the best response at the time. He couldn’t get into any type of relationship, much less with a coworker. How unprofessional is that? How stupid would he be, in this line of work, to potentially put a target on your back by being someone he cares about? But of course, the way you slowly distanced yourself from him after his rejection made the wall he built around his heart melt away like acid and he couldn’t stop himself from caring about you even if he tried. And try, he did. He kept telling himself it was for the best. Even when you stopped carpooling with him to work, he tried not to care. Every time he felt jealous when he noticed someone else flirting with you, he told himself coworkers don’t feel the urge to put thirteen bullets into another person’s skull just by smiling at you. Because that’s all you were and would ever be: a coworker.

A coworker.

A coworker.

But coworkers can care about each other’s well being and want what’s best for them though, right?

…fuck.

Javier was losing it. He was fuckin’ losing it, and at a time like this? When he was about to try to catch a highly dangerous criminal? At a time where he was being counted on? No. He couldn’t think about you now. He cleared his mind. All images of your face were being shot out of his brain by a M16 assault rifle, just in time for the trucks to arrive at their destination.

The cartel member tried his best to escape, shooting plenty of rounds at every officer and agent that came into view. But it was proven all for nothing, for him and the police. The motherfucker shot himself before they could arrest him. Of course. They could never catch a fuckin’ break, could they?

Everyone was in low spirits, some now spiritless. To think, being in this field for so long that Javier might get used to seeing the dead bodies. To a point, but he couldn’t help but frown when he saw the lifeless faces of people he knew, people he worked with. Hijo de puta, Javier wishes that cartel member was still alive so he could torture information out of him himself. He’d get over it, same as everyone else. But Javier found himself a secret weapon that always made him feel better after a mission went wrong, he’d just look at you, safe, and all stress would leave him in that moment to know that you made it out alive at least. It was so secret that Javi didn’t even know he did that, not until he tried searching for you after the dust cleared and everything settled down a little bit. Steve was with you, so you’d be easy to find. All he had to do was look for a bright blonde redneck sore thumb.

Javier’s frown deepened when he found Steve, only to not find you standing with him. The look on Steve’s face as he saw Javi coming didn’t bode well either. Where were you? “Javi.” Steve acknowledged in a soft voice…way too soft.

Javier looked around before fixing his gaze on Steve’s downcast expression. He was just upset about the mission failing, right? “Where is she?” He didn’t even have to say your name, anyone who knew Javier would immediately know who he was talking about. Steve sighed heavily, unable to meet his gaze. Javier burst like a dam, scowling and enraged, pulling Steve to him by his collar roughly. “Where is she?” He yelled, forcing the man to make eye contact with him.

“Javi, Javi, calm down.” Steve pleaded, placing his hands on his shoulders to try and soothe him. “She got shot, but she’s gonna be fine. Okay? She’s on her way to the hospital right now.”

Javier’s heart jumped into his throat, making his next words come out shaky and desperate. “Drive me there. Now.”

“But Javi, we gotta-”

“Now!” There was no arguing with Javier whenever he got this way, this angry, this violent. Steve would’ve had better luck fighting a bear.

Javier almost punched Steve when he kept giving him worried glances as he drove. Javi could not keep still. His hands were twitching, his leg was bouncing, he bit the dead skin on his fingertips, and when he started biting the not so dead flesh, he moved on to his lips, which wasn’t much better. It didn’t take but a minute until he tasted copper spreading across his tongue. Anything, he was doing anything to keep himself from screaming, resorting to pulling at his hair. No, there was no way you were leaving him like this. Steve said you’d be fine, but Javi didn’t even know where you got shot, he didn’t know how deep the bullet wounds were or if you were already being treated in the ambulance. He didn’t fucking know. God, please, he just wants to hear you call him Javi again. He doesn’t even care if you say it how you say his last name, full of annoyance and resentment, it doesn't matter anymore. Nothing matters until he sees you alive in a hospital bed.

Upon arriving at the hospital, Steve all but had to hold Javier back as he tried to check in, the impatient attitude and short fuse threatening to get them kicked out. Besides, it’s not like they could visit you now, you were still in surgery and it would take another hour or so before you’d get out. Javier could tell Steve just wanted to yell at him, say some stupid phrase like “hold your darn tootin’ horses” or some bullshit like that. Javier didn’t want to wait, he wanted to see you. He didn’t want to sit in some uncomfortable plastic chair for an hour not knowing if you were okay or not. So he stood, and he paced. He paced and paced until his legs started to wobble. He would stay here, he would stay all night if he had to. There was no way he was going home without seeing you. But in actuality, he wouldn’t have to wait that long.

It was only an hour and some change until the doctor finally came out into the waiting room, Javier and Steve shooting up from their chairs instantly. “She’s okay. The bullet didn’t go too deep into the abdomen and we managed to remove it without doing any more damage. We’ll keep her here for about a week and then we can send her home if there aren’t any more complications. She’s still under anesthesia but it’s wearing off now, so she should be awake soon. We’ll let you know when she’s ready to see you.”

“We can’t see her now?” Javier almost growled, causing Steve to place his hand on his shoulder before turning to the, quite frankly, startled doctor.

“Thank you, sir.”

“Such bullshit.” Javi grumbled under his breath, sitting down in the same seat, not even standing up long enough before his ass stopped tingling from being numb. His back hurt like a bitch, and his joints felt all stiff. God, he hated hospitals. 

“Don’t worry, Javs, you’ll be able to see your girlfriend soon.”

“Shut the fuck up, Murphy. She’s not my fuckin’ girlfriend.”

Steve wasn’t phased by his hostility, only shrugging with a smirk. “But you want her to be.”

Javier groaned, running his hands over his face as his headache came back in full force. “Now, Murphy? You wanna have this conversation now?”

“If not now, when?”

“Never.”

“Exactly.” Javier rolled his eyes, wringing his hands together and avoiding eye contact with the other man. “You like her, man. It’s nothing to be ashamed about. You know, before I met Connie, I never thought I wanted a girlfriend either, much less a wife. I thought I’d be…tied down, I guess. I wanted the freedom to do whatever I wanted. But now…I can’t imagine life without her.”

I already can’t imagine a life without her… “She’s our coworker.”

“Hey, you can’t help who you fall in love with, man.” Javier cringed at the word love. He wasn’t in love with you. Yeah, keep telling yourself that, pendejo, his inner thoughts told him. “As far as I can tell, and I do have better vision than you, I think she feels the same way.” Oh, buddy, you have no idea. “I say go for it. We get this extremely short life once, a chance of it being even shorter in our line of work, you can’t take things for granted and you can’t risk missing out on something that can be beautiful.”

Javier looked over at Steve with a raised brow. “Getting wifed up has made you way more sentimental, man.”

Steve shrugged. “But you know it’s true.”

“Yeah, whatever.”

“You know what, this conversation is making me miss my wife. Let me know how this whole thing goes, okay? Seriously. I care about her too.” And with that, Steve took off, leaving Javier alone with his thoughts, along with the occasional cough or sneeze from other waiting room patients. But other than that, deadly silent. One of the things Javi hates most about hospitals. The silence. The people waiting to hear if their loved ones have survived or not, or waiting to see if they live or die themselves. It reeked of death and he thought: you don’t belong here. You’d never belong here. This place isn’t lively enough for your standards. You shined most working with other people, making others feel at ease with your attitude, caring and compassionate, one of the reasons you even got into this job in the first place. You cared about what happened to people, and you wanted the best for everyone. Maybe that’s why Javier was so drawn to you, ever the pessimist, your light was like a breath of fresh air. Being in the DEA hardened him as a person, seeing the worst in people almost on a daily basis, it can make a person jaded. But you never let the stuff you see change who you were; you still loved, you still cared, you still tried to find the fun in any situation and Javi admired you for that, not that he’d ever admit it.

“She’s ready to see you now.” The doctor’s voice knocked Javier out of his thoughts, his reminiscence being replaced by nervous eagerness.

It was only then, a few steps away from entering your hospital room, that Javier realized he was still clad in his bulletproof vest. He hadn’t gone home to wash off the light splatters of blood or his sweat coated body, and his hair was a tousled bird’s nest. He surely looked like a hot mess. But then he started to wonder when he ever got nervous about his appearance. Jesus, you really fucked him up. He couldn’t help but fix his hair a little before entering your room, hopefully managing to pat down some wild curls. But the smile on your face as he finally came into view told him he didn’t look as bad as he thought. That smile also pierced right through his hardened exterior, a breath of relief when he saw that you were okay.

“Hey, stranger.” You spoke lazily, clearly still a little loopy from the anesthesia.

Javier took a seat next to your bed, looking you over and frowning when he saw all the tubes attached to you. You could’ve lost her…

“Where’s Steve? The doctor said he was with you?”

She’s asking about Murphy when I’m right here? “Oh, he uh, went home, to make sure Connie knows he’s okay. He did want to see you though.”

“Yeah, I believe it. You should’ve seen the look on his face when that bullet got me. I’ve never seen him so scared shitless.” You chuckled. Again, always finding humor in a situation even when you literally got shot. It almost infuriated him, but the mental image of Steve freaking out did make him smirk a little.

“How are you feeling?”

You shrugged. “Tired. No, I'm exhausted. Who knew getting shot would make you wanna sleep for a week?”

“Are you hurting at all?”

“Just a little sore. They’ve got me on a shitload of painkillers right now, so I’m unlikely to feel anything at the moment. Embarrassment, however, I do feel.”

Javier furrowed his brows. “Why would you ever feel embarrassed? You got fuckin’ shot.”

“Exactly. I told you I could take care of myself and yet, here I am.” You huffed. “I never thought this would happen to me. I guess…I just got too comfortable.”

Before he could stop himself, Javier reached out to place his hand over yours, almost gasping when he felt how cold your skin was. “Hey, don’t be embarrassed, okay? You’re alive, that’s all that matters. Some of us don’t get so lucky. I’m relieved.”

He didn’t miss the subtle flustered expression on your face. “Oh…so, you’re not gonna say I told you so?” You smiled weakly.

Javier grinned. “Well, I can’t exactly say that when you’re laying in a hospital bed.”

“Eh, you could. You’d just be a massive asshole. But then again, you already are.” He knew it was just a joke, but it was true. He was an asshole, especially to you. Maybe it was the medication you were on, but he had no idea why you were being so friendly to him. If he were rejected by someone he likes, then that person proceeded to talk down to him when they were annoyed, he’d have little kind words to say. In fact, he was surprised you weren’t currently punching him in the face. You frowned, and Javier wanted to curse himself for giving his feelings away. “I’m sorry.”

He shook his head. “No, you have nothing to be sorry for. I’m the one who’s-”

“Visiting hours are over.” A nurse interrupted, rather rudely.

You both frowned. Javier nodded to the nurse as he reluctantly let go of your hand, giving you a double take at the door, imprinting the image of you weakly waving goodbye with a small smile on your face to memory so he had something to hold onto before the next visit.

The week went by way too slow. Not even a week. You were recovering really well, so the doctors cleared you to go home sooner than expected. Javier found himself being anxious all the time, even at home after work was over. He drank a bit more than usual, until Steve came over one night and saw the state of his apartment and quickly intervened. He’d never admit this, but Javier was thankful for his partner. He was a good man, he supposed that’s why he made such a good DEA agent.

Javier had implicitly volunteered to be the one to look out for you when you were allowed back home, since you two lived in the same apartment building. Couldn’t really have been anyone else, and he wanted to. He wasn’t there for you when you got shot, but he sure as hell could be there when you recovered. Though, after a long conversation, you both decided it would be best that you stayed in his apartment until you could walk around on your own. The doctor had put you on a strict bedrest regime, to make sure you didn’t tear any stitching and reopen the wound. You lived alone, so staying with Javier just seemed like the most logical choice. Though, it put him in a near stupor.

Javier never cleaned so much in his life. He wanted everything to be perfect, nothing out of place and he’d be damned if there was even one speck of dust on any surface. It only increased his anxiety to the point he almost considered punching a hole into his wall. It’d be okay, he told himself, you were just staying until you could walk. That wouldn’t take that long. Yeah, he could do this. He could be professional while being in close proximity with you for more than the usual work hours. You’re fucked, man.

Steve helped drop you off at your apartments after picking you up from the hospital. Javier quickly put out the cigarette he was smoking as he heard the knock on the door, opening it to see you in a wheelchair with Steve behind you. “Someone order a damaged DEA agent?” He joked, only to get a slap on the arm from you. “Bad joke, sorry.” He coughed nervously, Javier stepping away so he could push the wheelchair inside. “Anyway, take real good care of her now.” He winked, earning a glare from Javier. “Alright, I’ll be going now.”

“Idiot…” Javier mumbled, earning a quiet giggle from you. Thankfully, Javier had a spare bedroom that he never used. He mostly used it as a storage room but cleaned it up a little and bought an extra mattress to use for the time being, while he insisted you stay in his own bedroom. “Sorry, it’s not much.” He spoke as he helped you to his bed.

“Don’t worry, it’s great.” You huffed as you laid yourself down, a small wince on your face. The doctor had been weaning you off the pain meds, so you weren’t the most comfortable. “Thanks again for letting me stay here until I get my bearings. I really appreciate it.”

Javier shook his head. “No problem. Just, uh, let me know if you need anything.”

“Thank you…Javi.” You spoke softly as he turned to exit the room.

He almost ran into the door as soon as you said that, his heart fluttering inside his ribcage. He closed his eyes briefly to just savor the sound of your voice when you finally said his first name, finally after so long. He knew it was just out of appreciation, but he could take the little victories. He stiffly nodded before closing the door on his way out, letting out a sharp exhale when he got to his living room. How was he going to survive you staying with him for a couple weeks when he gets flustered within just a couple minutes around you in general? He hated to admit, but Steve was right. 

Javi was fuckin’ smitten.

With this newfound acceptance, Javier found himself just standing at the island in his kitchen doing nothing but blankly staring into space. You were here. You were safe. You were just in the other room. And yet, Javier was itching to go back and make sure you were doing alright, even though, logically, he knew you were probably just sleeping. He noticed the dark circles under your eyes and figured it was difficult trying to find any sort of peace inside a hospital. He knew he wouldn’t, but then again, he always had trouble sleeping. Even more so after you got shot.

For the first time in a while, the nightmares he was plagued with actually got to him. It wasn’t like all the other times he was shot or stabbed, betraying his own department, or Pablo always managing to escape when he was just within reach (although, that was more reality bleeding into his dreams). He almost always saw the dead bodies of the people he’s killed, especially the innocent ones. But then he started to see you.

It was always the same. You were calling out for Javier, begging for help. He ran to you, but it was like he was trying to run through mud or quicksand. He tried so hard to get to you before you were shot, but he was always too late. As soon as he reached you, you were already dying in his arms. Over and over again. To think those dreams would’ve stopped once you were home from the hospital, but nope. He went to sleep that night waking up in a similar cold sweat and racing heart. He almost couldn’t bear to look at you, guilt eating away at him even though it wasn’t his fault. He absolutely hated the fact he still had to go into work. This mission was put on hold for no one, not even you.

He was always anxious at work, to the point everyone noticed. He still did his job, but his eyes were vacant and it seemed anything he did was just instinct. He just kept thinking what if you needed him and he wasn’t there to help you? It didn’t bother Javier that everything figured out his affection for you, it was bound to happen sooner or later. He just hoped it didn’t get back to you before he could tell you himself.

But after he came home, he went back to his old behaviors. It’s true what people say: habits die hard. He did attempt to act more warm and accommodating, for both your sakes. But he made sure to never cross that line of professionalism. He didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or be forced into a situation when you were practically still dependent on him to move around. He didn’t want to cross any unspoken boundary. No, he’d keep his feelings to himself a bit longer. After you can walk on your own, or maybe even after you come back to work…or maybe when the mission is over and Pablo is dead or behind bars.

But after another gruesome nightmare, Javier got into the habit of peeking into your (his) bedroom. Just to make sure you were still there. Even when his nightmares mellowed out, he still did it. He even started to sit by your bed and just watch you sleep peacefully. God, he felt like such a creep. And what was it he said about boundaries?

Javier thought he’d just stay quiet, pretend like he never memorized every part of your face as you slept. Like how he noticed your nose twitched like a bunny sometimes, or how your lips pulled into a tiny and almost unnoticeable smile. But of course, he couldn’t do that forever. You started to be able to move around on your own, albeit extremely carefully. But still, that just meant you could go back to your own apartment soon…

Javier had a really bad dream that night after seeing you take baby steps into the living room, a giant smile on your face as you finally were able to do things yourself. And of course, it was the same exact dream. He went to your bedroom right after, anxious to see your peacefully sleeping form that would instantly calm him, only to find you whimpering and slightly stirring in your sleep. Ah, so he wasn’t the only one plagued by nightmares.

He thought about leaving you alone, letting you wake up on your own, but when he heard you whispering mumbled “nos” and “stops” with tears trailing down your cheeks, he couldn’t just let you suffer.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Javier slowly sat down next to you, brushing a hand over your cheek delicately, the action only slightly stirring you. “Hey, sweetheart.” Fuck, the name just came out naturally. He’s so glad that it didn’t wake you. He called your name, gently shaking your shoulder until you shot up with wide eyes, winding back your fist to punch him before he caught it. “Hey, hey, it’s me. It’s me.”

You slowly relaxed, bringing your hands down with an exhale. “Javi…” You whispered his name like a prayer, like you almost couldn’t believe he was actually there with you.

“Must’ve been some nightmare.” Javier guessed, and you winced.

“Was…was I loud?”

“You were crying in your sleep…” He didn’t really answer your question, it was true, but Javier never would’ve heard you if he wasn’t creeping around your room in the first place.

“Oh god, I’m sorry. I usually don’t get nightmares like this.”

“What were you dreaming about?” Javier could’ve probably guessed, and from the expression on your face when you looked at him, he was right.

“I haven’t had nightmares about it before. Not even the nights right after. I don’t know.” You shrugged. “I guess…my theory, now that I can walk around without tearing myself apart, I guess that means I can go back to my apartment. And I'm glad I’m better. It’s just, you’ve been so kind and made me feel safe here, and the thought of having to live all alone again, even if I know you’re just downstairs…” You shook your head, curling in on yourself in embarrassment.

“Then…you can stay here a bit longer.” That felt like a confession, to Javier anyway. And he almost regretted saying it until…

“Oh, no, I wouldn’t do that to you. I know you’ve been counting down the days until I could handle walking myself again.”

Javi furrowed his brows, his heart dropping to his stomach. “What? I haven’t-”

“I’ve made things awkward, Javi. I know that. I know I haven’t been handling that whole rejection thing very well, but I’m trying, okay? I really am trying.” You sighed. “I never should’ve told you then, but I figured, you can get over a person a lot quicker if you just confessed early on. I’m sorry but, it hasn’t been working much. That’s not your fault, of course, it’s my problem. Living with you these past couple weeks have not made it any easier though.” You chuckled bitterly, wiping away a few shed tears as soon as they fell over your cheeks, making Javier’s heart clench painfully. “God, I’m such an idiot.” You whispered to yourself.

Javier exhaled shakily, turning away from you, looking down at the floor. “You remember back at the hospital, you called me an asshole?”

“It was a joke, and I apologized, Peña.”

Javier winced at the sound of his last name. No. No, no, no, he was not going to go through this. Not again. Just swallow your pride for once, man. “I didn’t get to finish what I was gonna say back then, 'cause that bitch nurse told me I had to leave.” He growled.

You chuckled weakly. “And what were you going to say?”

Now or never, right?

“I was gonna say you’re right. I am. An asshole. I’m the one who should be apologizing to you.”

You made a confused noise. “What’re you talking about?”

Goddamn it. “I’ve been an asshole to you since that night…”

You sighed. “You don’t have to explain yourself, Peña. I get it.”

“Please, just let me talk.” He begged, and Javier never begged. The pleading look in his eyes finally got you to shut your mouth. His heart was racing. He thought about taking a deep breath but he was just afraid it would turn into hyperventilating, so not helpful. “Sorry, I’m no good at this. Talking. Damn it…” He whispered. “Fuck it, I like you, alright?” He spat, sounding more angry than he meant.

“W-What?” You stuttered, suddenly sounding much more awake and sitting up against your pillows.

“You heard me.”

“I did, I just…” You shook your head. “I don’t understand. Are you saying this to…mess with me or something?”

“No. No, I’m not. I mean, I’m-” Javier groaned in frustration. He wasn’t used to this, he never really did this, talk about his emotions. He didn’t know it would be this hard. Man, maybe he did need a therapist. He flinched when you placed your hand on his shoulder, but you didn’t pull away.

“Hey, it’s okay, Javi.” You spoke softly when you noticed how on edge he was. “Calm down. Just take a deep breath.” He did as he was told, for once. Taking deep breaths while focusing on the heat radiating from you, using it to ground himself before he even tried talking again.

“When Steve told me you were shot…” He stuttered shakily, his voice betraying him. “I feared the worst. I thought…I thought there was a chance I’d never see you again.”

You frowned, your bottom lip trembling. “Oh, Javi, come here.” You pulled him to you, allowing his head to rest on your shoulder, gently running your hand through his hair while your other hand guided his hand to rest over the pulse point on your neck. “I’m safe. I’m alive. See? I’m not gonna be so reckless again, I promise.”

Javier closed his eyes, snuggling further onto your neck, breathing in your calming scent, spurring him to keep talking. “I thought that I didn’t want to be with anyone. I convinced myself that I don’t need anyone but me…then I got to know you and I started to realize, I’d rather give up this case than see you get hurt. That night you told me how you felt, I thought I was sparing you. But I was just afraid, a coward. The truth is…I fuckin’ need you.” From where his hand was laying on your neck, Javi could feel your pulse quicken. He called out your name in concern, more of hesitance. He finally lifted his head to look at you, immediately noticing the tears in your eyes but a bashful smile on your face.

Letting go of his restraint and not worrying about the consequences for once, Javier surged forward, capturing your lips with his. The little gasp that came from you was probably one of the cutest sounds he’s ever heard, besides your laugh. Your lips were so soft, moving against his languidly. He smiled into the kiss as he felt you rake your hands through his hair, bringing his body to yours as close as humanly possible. Javier wasn’t the best with words, but this he knew how to do. He tried to pour every single emotion he had for you into this kiss: adoration, care, frenzied lust, and maybe even love. The only reason he finally pulled away is because he heard you wince.

Oh, he’d pressed against you too hard and put some pressure on your stitching. Damn it, of course, your first kiss with her and you have to fuck it up somehow.

“I’m so sorry.” He spoke, panicked, wildly looking over your expression to make sure you weren’t in any more pain.

You shook your head with a grin, a mildly dazed gleam in your eyes. “You’re okay. You’re more than okay.”

“I got…a little carried away.” He blushed, having to forcefully put a little bit of distance between you. “God, I’ve thought about doing that for so long.” He admitted.

You smirked, trying to cover up your nervousness. “Did it live up to your expectations?”

More than you could ever know. 

“I probably should’ve asked this before I kissed you, but…do you wanna go out with me sometime?” He didn’t know why he sounded so nervous, like you’d ever say no, but he didn’t know that. His body untensed as you gave him the most bright smile he’d ever seen from you.

“Of course, Javi.” Javi, Javi, Javi. The beautiful sound repeated in his mind.

“Say my name again, please.” You leaned forward to kiss him again, repeating it after you broke apart. He never thought his name could sound more alluring than when you said it. God, he wanted to absolutely ravish you, but he’d never risk hurting you. He was a patient man, he could wait, however long you needed. He was already planning it in his mind. He wasn’t the most romantic, but rose petals did come into mind, making him chuckle to himself. “I guess I’ll…let you get back to sleep now.”

Javier moved to stand from your bed, but you stopped him by grabbing onto his wrist. “Would it be too much if I asked you to stay?” Your best puppy dog eyes were on full display, making his heart swell. He could never say no to that face.

“Mi tesoro…” Javi whispered as you both settled in for the rest of the night, him laying on his back while you leaned your head against his chest, a protective arm wrapped around you. Yeah, he could get used to this, especially with you. The both of you fell fast asleep pretty quickly. And what d’ya know? He didn’t have another nightmare after that.

You decided to stay at his apartment for a little while longer. Well, it was more of an insistence from Javier. He was almost always on you like a leech, but he never heard you complain. From the constant stream of giggles and smiles you threw his way, Javi was pretty sure you enjoyed his company. Now that the tension finally broke, it was back to how it used to be between you, only more intensified. That damned gunshot wound was the only wall between you, but that wall wound was broken soon enough. Of course, when that happened, you also had to get back to work, which you were missing greatly. You wanted to catch Escobar just as much as everyone else, so you were ecstatic to get back on the case.

Javier tried his best not to helicopter you around, he knew if someone was doing that to him he’d want to claw their eyes out. He gave you your space, but that anxiety came back in full force whenever they’d try to make an arrest. From then on, you were always right by Javier’s side whenever the guns had to come out. Maybe he was overprotective, but he didn’t care; he needed you safe.

It wasn’t really a shock to anyone that you and Javier got together. Some even made bets, which infuriated him. Steve was the worst about it, teasing Javi whenever he got the chance. At least no one teased you, not that anyone would be stupid enough to try.

As the team had gotten word about where one of Pablo’s men were hiding out, the station started to shift into that similar tension, much too similar to that day you were shot. Javier felt like he was going to have a panic attack. But at this point, you had been around each other so constantly that you developed a sort of sixth sense to whatever he was feeling. You didn’t hesitate to grab his hand, bringing it up so his palm could cup your cheek. “Hey, we’re gonna be fine.” Javier forced himself to nod. “You’ve got my back?”

He cracked a smile. “Of course I do, cariño.” 

Javier leaned down to kiss you passionately, taking you by surprise. PDA in the workplace wasn’t really strictly forbidden, but it was common courtesy not to lock lips with your partner. But Javi didn’t care, he needed you when he needed you. 

No one was going to take that away from him.  No one was going to take you away from him. Never again.

like i said...chokehold. he has too much power. someone save me.