Unfinished-sen - I Write Stuff (sometimes) - Tumblr Blog

My other car is a rainbow trout

just found out that stoats hunt twice the size of them like rabbits by aggressively and eccentrically dancing around it with their little slinky rigatoni bodies so it can confuse the absolute fuck out of its prey until it can get close enough to jump on its back like some shadow of the colossus shit and take it down

In time travel movies, when the time traveler asks 'What year is this?!?' they're always treated like they're being weird for asking.

When in reality, if you go 'What year is this?!?' people will just say '2024. Crazy huh.' and you go 'Wtf where has my youth gone.'

And if you ask 'And what month??' people won't judge you, they'll just go like 'SEPTEMBER!!! Can you believe it?!?!' and you go 'WHAT?!? Last time I checked we were in May?!?'

Sakura Suzuki Mighty Boy Kei class pick up

local woman drowns out her thoughts with thousands of hours of music

Concept: A gender reveal party but AFTER the kid is born.

Like when the kid is 6 or 12 or 18 or 24. When the kid has decided what their gender is or isn’t.

omfg im laughing so hard i fell asleep on my keyboard last night and i just found this

Excited to be here!

I'm an artist who's into all things cute, colorful and shiny! I started out as a foiling artist and now I'm exploring digital painting.

Here is my latest collection of paintings celebrating the four seasons and capybaras!

~ Augusto Cury

squishes you :)

squashes you :)

please enjoy the rest of your scroll :>

I could strip the flesh from a cow in 30 seconds too just give me some 30% peroxide and some sulfuric acid. Piranhas are not special

professional mental health services after hearing anything other than "anxiety/depression"

Gatekeeping is so good and important

when u accidently type me instead of my 

i am afraid of what tiktok is doing to people's view of sharks.

i love sharks. i am obsessed with sharks.

and i'm glad that the "jaws" view of sharks is fading. but it worries me that people are saying things like "sharks are literally just ocean puppies". no, they're not as dangerous as a lot of people think, but they're still wild animals. do not treat a shark like a puppy. i've seen videos of people getting themselves bitten by nurse sharks. if you know anything about nurse sharks, then you know that these people were really harassing them. they're not monsters, but they're not your friends either. they're animals who will lash out if they're antagonized or crowded.

anyway sharks are still adorable and i love them very much

“Which spices go with which foods” lists are of limited value to me because, like, I have functioning taste buds. What I really need is a “spices that need to be added at the start of the cooking time in order to properly develop versus spices that need to be added in the last five minutes because extended heating fucks up the flavour profile” list – that shit is not intuitive.

he thinks he can play the piano

Refuge.

i just went on r/incels to see if it was really that bad and it was actually pretty informative. i found out that women are all powerful beings and we control society by exploiting men for their money and their jobs, are NOT required to pay bills, and that we all make 50k a month on patreon. like shit why did no one tell me. i didnt even know i had a patreon

Have you ever been to earth?

On earth, we use the word “burrito” to describe a tortilla filled with things you eat. Pretty simple stuff, and I’m surprised you at least got that part right. My burrito was, in fact, filled with food. In this, you and I agree and are friends. But this is also where my lifelong hatred begins for you and anyone else whose brain has been repeatedly scrubbed with the same mixture of bleach and Pop Rocks as yours has. Because that should have killed you, but left you around long enough to do what you did to me today. Let me explain:

You’re an idiot.

Let me further explain:

Burritos are eaten from one end to the other. So that means when you assemble a burrito with motherfucking ZONES of ingredients going that direction, you create a disgusting experience for the burrito’s end user. When you make a burrito, you should put the ingredients in layerslengthwise. That way, every bite has AT LEAST A FUCKING CHANCE of getting at least two types of ingredients, and there is little chance of becoming almost hopelessly trapped in a goddamned cilantro cavern.

Have you ever eaten one of the things you make all fucking day? You should try one. They are pretty good WHEN YOU ARE NOT WILLING YOURSELF THROUGH THE FUCKING EMPIRE OF SOUR CREAM ONLY TO END UP IN LETTUCE COUNTRY.

When you eat a burrito, you don’t stand it up and bite down on it lengthwise like a fucking Rancor. Humans can’t usually dislocate their jaws, and I’m not a fucking pelican. But you must think that’s how it’s done, since that would be THE ONLY FUCKING WAY to take a bite of your crapstrosity and have it taste like a burrito.

And guess what else, player? You probably can’t guess anything, because I’m pretty sure you’re just a mop with a hat on it that fell over and spilled some shit into a tortilla, but just in case, here’s what:

Humans also don’t eat burritos like fucking corn on the cob. Like a fucking typewriter from one end to the other a little at a time and then DING next line. But today I wish I had tried that. Because at least THEN I would be able to eat some rice, then beans, then be all like HEY BEANS I’LL BE RIGHT BACK JUST GOING OVER HERE TO THE GUACAMOLE FOR A SECOND.

Nope.

My experience was more like HEY BEANS IT’S JUST GOING TO BE YOU AND I FOR A MINUTE UNTIL I CAN FUCKING EXCAVATE THE RICE FROM BENEATH YOU BUT BY THEN YOU WILL BE A FADING MEMORY OH HEY I WAS WRONG I’M IN THE FUCKING CHEESEOSPHERE NOW RICE MUST BE NEXT I HOPE IT’S NOT ANOTHER FUCKING SALSA POCKET.

You built this thing like a fucking pack of LifeSavers.

And don’t even fucking think I’m about to open this shit up and re-engineer your nonsense 90 degrees. I ALREADY PUT A HOLE IN IT WITH MY FUCKING MOUTH. YEAH. THAT’S HOW I DISCOVERED YOU FUCKING SUCK AT LOOKING AT THINGS. I AM NOT GOING TO DO FUCKING TORTILLA ORIGAMI TO GET THIS SHIT BACK TOGETHER, ONLY TO END UP WITH A BURRITO THAT’S BEEN SHOT IN THE GUT AND IS BLEEDING YOUR INEPTITUDE.

What’s that? I should ask you to mix it up first next time? IS THIS JAMBA JUICE? I DON’T WANT TO DRINK MY FUCKING BURRITO THROUGH A BENDY STRAW, AND I DON’T WANT A PILE OF BURRITO SOUP IN A FLOUR CAN.

I just want a burrito.

In conclusion:

You’re the worst thing that has ever happened to the universe, you owe everyone everywhere an apology for this burritobomination, and I hope your babies look like monkeys.

UPDATE FOR EVERYONE WHO SAID “JUST EAT IT WITH A FORK”:

A fucking fork?

I DIDN’T ORDER THE FUCKING COBBURRITO SALAD.

If anyone ever handed me a burrito with a fork, THEY WOULD BE WEARING A BRAND NEW BURRITO HAT FROM MY FALL COLLECTION TEN SECONDS LATER.

That’s like buying a car and having them hand you a fucking wrench with the keys. Like YEAH WE KNOW THIS MOTHERFUCKER’S GOING TO EXPLODE AND BE SPREAD ACROSS EIGHT LANES AS SOON AS YOU HIT THE GAS, BUT SHIT, WE GAVE YOU A WRENCH, SO BE COOL.

Jesus already gave me two burrito forks. One at the end of each arm. They’re called fucking HANDS.

A fork. My god. I haven’t cried since I was six, but I’m fucking sobbing now.

People eat burritos with forks?

God is sorry he made us.

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