He Looks So Cozy Cr . Namuspromised

he looks so cozy ♡ cr . namuspromised

dreamy 💫 [cr. namuspromised]

idky i stopped reading @ ao3 but i really should get back into it

came back from the dead to post this bc it gave me ptsd flashbacks to #that one fic

THE SELFIE 

SPECTRE

Credits for the banner to the sweet angel Toobsie @armys-dna for making this beautiful banner for me, even though I troubled you so much for this banner!

Pairings: female reader X non idol! Taehyung

Summary: Spectre-a ghost, an illusion, an unpleasant or uneventful occurrence. A beautiful, unreal life is what Taehyung has experienced. But it all changes when he meets his spectre.

Genre: Fluff, angst, psychological drama (maybe)

Warnings: imaginary character, distorted reality, skewed perception, illusions, death(kinda) etc.

Rating: PG 15

Word count: 2.8 K+

A/N: Hello again everyone. I am back with loads of angst again. I am thankful to Ashley @moonleeai and Natasha @queentiti72 from @bangtanwritershq who beta read the story for me. You both are literal angels. Also thanks to Clare @nabiolive who boosted my confidence to post this fic.

This is for the April event being hosted by @bangtanwritershq and also for the Bangtan on Replay event being hosted by @btsgoldnetwork. The song I chose was "Jamais vu". I hope you all enjoy the fic as much as I enjoyed writing it.

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It felt unreal.

The love that you gave him made him feel unrealistic emotions. Love. Love is a strange word isn't it? Love is just an emotion, but humans thrive off love. They believe in love that is being expressed verbally. Love is an emotion which the human does not desire in itself, but it's the reassurance of its existence is what the human craves. Taehyung too craved for assurances. But when he was with you, he didn't need any reassurance. Just your presence beside him was reassuring enough for him. 

Why did Taehyung love you so much?

Well the answer was simple enough for him. You understood him on a level far beyond what anybody else could. You knew him more than any person had ever dared to. You both were so similar that Taehyung sometimes wondered if you were his shadow or if he was yours.

He still remembers the first day you met him. How could he forget the day when he saw a girl in white dress, crying because she was an orphan? A boy and a girl, merely 6, left alone to fend for themselves, left orphaned, was very heartbreaking indeed. But not for Taehyung. This was the day he met you. A young Taehyung approached your crying form and asked you what was wrong. After you told him that your parents left you and that you had no place to live, Taehyung had dragged you by the arm into the orphanage he lived in. 

"You can live with me. I will share everything with you and I will take care of you," he told you as his small fingers pressed your face in an attempt to stop your tears, as you sat on his bed in the orphanage. “Why are you here, Taetae?” you asked the young boy. “My parents went to the angels after a car crash,” he said, trying to smile so that you would not feel bad. You wrapped your arms around him and young Taehyung just froze.

You gently took his arms and wrapped it around yourself, as small trails of tears escaped him. You held him and kept patting his back. For the first time in 2 months, he had felt at home. The emotions that he had been hiding burst out as he cried into your shoulders. Even though he had been the one to volunteer to take care of you, it was you who actually took care of him that day. Both of you mourned that day  at the loss you were imposed on by adults for no fault of yours.

The moment you both shared that day was far more complicated than kids could comprehend. But were you both kids?; forced to give up on childhood so that you can take care of yourself is a very mature act in itself. And so began your days with Taehyung.

He was not a popular kid at the orphanage; he was constantly bullied and troubled by the other kids. The reason for the action remained unknown to him. Whereas, you were missing most of the time. He didn’t know where you would go, but anytime he would run to the roof of the orphanage to let out his tears, you were always there. You were always present when he was sad, and Tae can never thank you enough for it.

As Taehyung started finding solace in you, he withdrew from the other kids, stopped trying to be one of them, and spent his time with you. His favorite activity with you was to play with the soap bubbles. It amazed him. Small and big bubbles coming out of the tube when you blew air into it was a beautiful sight. And the innocent happiness when they burst and disappeared into nothingness as if they never existed, was something Tae enjoyed. It was like a magic trick, a beautiful magic trick, the nearest thing to illusion he had seen.

But is bursting of bubbles a joy? If you think about it, the bubble, even though real, turns into an illusion by erasing its own existence. But what could the naïve heart of the kids understand?

Both of you grew up, with each other, doing everything together, joined at  the hip. You always cheered him up and maybe because you hung out with him, the other kids ignored you. They never noticed you. Taehyung tried to talk you into leaving him so you could make more friends, but you had told him, “How can I leave you Tae? We both are the same. We are the only people who can understand each other.”

That was the day he fell for you. Seventeen and in love, Taehyung followed you like a lost puppy. You never waved him off either. You enjoyed his presence, he could tell. You always smiled at him as you ran your fingers through his long black hair as he told you stories with his head on your lap. Both settled under the tree with the abandoned swing where nobody came to intrude upon your talks.

Soon you were adults, 18, and once again thrown into the whirlwind called life. But Taehyung was stronger this time, you were with him. He underwent some courses and got himself a decent job. You would always cheer him on and hug him goodbye when he went to work. You didn’t work and he didn’t force you to. He had promised you all those years ago to take care of you and that he would do.

You had never named your relationship. Just always went with how things came your way. He was most definitely in love with you. He was in love with the way you made him feel, the way in which you cared for him. He was in love with the way you ran your fingers through his disheveled hair after his work. He was in love with the way you gently kissed his forehead and said ‘welcome home.’

And at home he was. He confessed one day, that he would want to date you, that he wanted to be more than your friend, that he wanted to be the man you could rely on, your boyfriend. You had easily agreed, giggling when he had yelled joyfully. He had felt butterflies in his stomach, a wild racing heart and all the other expressions used in romance novels all at once. He had spun  you around and finally kissed you. You had kissed him back, ever so gently, ever so lovingly, and it had felt like the caress of wind on a sunny day.    

From then on, he came home happily, everyday. He came home to your loving kisses and tender hugs. He cooked for the both of you every day, as you told him about the new things you learned and the new things you saw. You would always back hug him and cuddle into him as he tried to work around you. He chuckled at your cuteness and continued to work around with you stuck to him like a leech and sometimes playfully biting at his shoulder.

Dinners were spent with happy talks and small laughs, and the nights in gentle caresses and soft whispers till your slumber took over. You always cuddled with him; his head on your chest and your arms secure around his neck. You hummed his favorite tunes as you lulled him to sleep. You were always wrapped around him like a protective blanket, shielding his innocence from the world. He loved how he felt protected and cherished around you.

One day, as he was finishing up his work, his new colleague Jin came up to him, and said, “Want to go out for a couple of drinks? My treat?” “I would love to, but I have my girlfriend waiting for me at home” Taehyung said as he remembered you. “Scared of your girl huh?” asked Jin as he patted him on the back. “Haha no. I just want to have my dinner with her,” Taehyung said. “Wow, she is some lucky girl to have someone like you so whipped for her,” Jin said with a bright tone. “Oh no! I am the lucky one,” Taehyung said. “Now I’ve gotta see her. Do you have  a  picture?” asked Jin, curious to know who had this shy baby, who never spoke at work, babbling about.

Taehyung always had your pictures. He loved to take your candid pictures. So he took out his phone to show off to Jin, his beautiful girlfriend. “Here,” he said, handing the phone to Jin. Jin just rapidly scrolled through his phone, looking at Taehyung suspiciously and then patting on Tae’s back laughing, “Good one, Taehyung.” “Excuse me, but what?” asked Taehyung, incredibly offended that Jin laughed at you.

“There is no girl Tae, it’s just random places,” Jin said as he showed the phone to Taehyung. Taehyung snatched his phone and there you were clear as daylight in every picture. Jin was definitely not in his right mind or was playing a dirty prank on him. “Very funny, Jin. Now if you excuse me, I have a beautiful girlfriend to go back to,” said Tae in an angry tone as he walked out of his office. He heard Jin call out after him, “Wait! You’re serious!? Come back! Taehyung!” but Taehyung was far too in his mind about how he had disrespected you to turn back.

Taehyung came home at the usual time, and you were by the door like usual. Everything was normal; you kissed him and waited on the kitchen counter for him to cook food. “Can you cook today babe?” Taehyung asked suddenly, way too tired to do anything. “But, I don’t know how to,” you said pouting. “Well, you learn today then, I will teach you,” he said, coming towards you and standing in between your legs as he rested his forehead on yours.

“I-I-I can’t Tae,” you said as you disconnected your foreheads. He looked at you with brows furrowed, “Why not?” you just looked at him with a sad smile as you caressed his cheek with the back of your hand. “Ask yourself,” you said in a gentle tone. Your voice held a lot of sadness, a hint of loneliness, heartbreak and many other emotions he couldn’t decipher.

“What do you mean?” he asked confused, as he tried to cup your face, but you held his jaw instead. You traced his jaw slowly as you looked into his eyes, “Who am I Taehyung?” you asked as your face smiled at him. “What is that supposed to mean babe? You are my girlfriend, the love of my life, my first love,” Taehyung said, an unknown fear nagging him at the back of his mind.

“No Tae,” you said “I am not your girlfriend; I am a part of you.” “Yes honey, I know you are a part of me and I can’t live without you,” Taehyung said, not quite understanding what you were trying to tell him. “I mean it Tae, I am you, I am a part of you,” you said as you caressed his soft curls. “Babe… I think you are tired. Let me cook dinner, and then we will sleep, ok?” Taehyung said, cutting off the conversation. He didn’t know why but he didn’t want to have this conversation with you.

“You can’t run away Tae, you need to face it. You know it deep down too,” you said, pulling him by his shoulders as you traced your fingers over his features, as if you will fade away any minute. “I don’t know what you are talking about honey,” Taehyung said, trying to pull away from you.

“Just admit it Taehyung, it won’t be hard,” you said as you looked him in the eyes. He didn’t say anything. He could feel his heart rate rise, sweat forming on his neck, brows and back. He stared at you as you waited for his answer. When he didn’t speak, you asked him as you took his hands in yours, entwining your small fingers with his long ones, “Why couldn’t Jin see me like you do Tae?”

“Jin is an asshole and he was playing a prank on m-” Taehyung stopped dead in his tracks as he looked at you with wide eyes, “How do you know what transpired between us?” he asked as he pulled away and moved back a little. Your face broke into sadness as you saw his reaction. “I never told you anything about him!” he said, confused and scared by you.

“I am you Taehyung, a part of you, I am the you which wants to comfort you,” you said as you saw Taehyung back away further and look at you even more confused. You continued, “I am a part of you that your mind created, I am your imagination, Taehyung” you said as you smiled bitter-sweetly.

Taehyung’s mind went blank. He had no thoughts; he just stared at you, and then burst out laughing. “You are funny babe,” he said as he came forward, but you backed away. “Taehyung, accept it, the more easily you accept it, the healthier it is for you,” you said gently. Taehyung felt the room spin around him; he couldn’t understand what was happening. His knees gave away as he sat on the floor with a thump.

You didn’t come to him like you always did, you didn’t help him up. An unknown fear gripped his mind, he could hear a buzzing sound, and his head was throbbing. He clutched at his hair painfully, trying to ease out the pain by tugging at them. “Please tell me this is a prank, a joke,” Taehyung said with a broken voice. You shook his head as you kneeled before him and held his face. Tears were streaming down both of your faces. He wiped his eyes on his sleeve and asked “Then why can I feel you? I can feel your touches, your kisses, your hugs, I can feel it all. I cannot make this all up!” Taehyung said, shouting the last part at you.

“But you did,” you said. Taehyung was feeling his heart being ripped, his head being squashed, and his limbs going weak. You were the only thing that he had ever thought that was the truth, the only support system he had. But it turned out you weren’t, you were just a lie, a figment of his own imagination. Nothing but a soap bubble erupting in the wind before disappearing in the void.  

As the realization of your non-existence dawned upon him, he felt you grow lighter, you were turning pale, fading away. He gripped at you, but nothing but thin air came into his desperate palms. “No no no no! Don’t leave. I am nothing without you. I can’t live without you!” he screamed as he desperately tried to hold you down.

“I don’t care if you are my imagination, you are still my love,” he said as his chest tightened uncomfortably. You grew darker and he could feel you again, he gripped at you and pulled you to his chest as he fell on the floor. “I can’t lose you,” he said openly sobbing into your head. “I don’t have anybody but you,” he said, tightening his grip on you.

“You need to let me go, Taehyung,” you said, tears falling on his chest. “I-I can't,” he said. You fell on his chest as you sobbed with him. You were his safe-place, his happiness, his home, until you weren’t.

He just wanted to make you happy, give you the love that you deserved, make you his wife, until he couldn’t. Love was easy for him, until it wasn’t. He didn’t need reassurances, but it turned out that there was no assurance in the first place.

He wanted a remedy for this heartbreak, a medication to soothe his broken heart. He needed you back, but he couldn’t have you, could he? How can he expect to have something that never existed? A love he felt that was just a mirage; a life he wanted to have that was nothing but a sandcastle built on the shore. The sandcastle washed away, just like he felt himself ebbing away.

He thought you were the gentle rain to his parched soil, but you were a storm in disguise, that came to erode him away. Still, even after coming to face the truth, he wasn’t ready to leave you, not yet. He tightened his grip around you, he wasn’t ready to face the truth, wasn’t ready to let go.

If you were the soap bubble that would pop, he was ready to be in it. It was your relationship that was a lie, nothing but a façade to hide his dark self in it.

Your love for him felt unreal, because it was. It was only his imagination, an idea he made up. It was a spectre. You were a spectre. His spectre.

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A/N: Don't be a silent reader. Reblog and Comment if you liked the story. It keeps me motivated to write. Even a simple comment can keep writers motivated.