God, I'm So Normal About My Boyfriend. I Definitely Don't Wanna Bite Him And Shake Him In My Teeth Like

God, I'm so normal about my boyfriend. I definitely don't wanna bite him and shake him in my teeth like a dog. I definitely don't wanna watch spooky movies with him and let him hide his face in my chest when it's too scary. I definitely don't wanna cling to him and be carried around like a baby 24/7. I'm normal, and just a little silly :3

“otherkins are delusional" WRONG. ELF DRAGON ATTACK 🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🧝‍♀️🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉🐉

if he is a spider does he walk like this

my good friend gale of waterdeep, whomst loves birds so very much, have you thought to assign the little gaggle of friends in this little corner we share what birds we would be?

I've been thinking about this for some days now, as to be nothing but accurate, so I think it's the right time to finally pull out my professionally made bird assignments.

I do hope you meant the actual, real people we know and love, and not the characters that represent us, but you know, if I misunderstood, I'd be happy to do that too.

Let's start with: you! Malecius, my dear. I thought of this for some time, and the main criteria is some of the following:

I think you're most formidable fellow, so we need a bird that is mighty and able to fend for itself.

I wanted to stay within the range of mostly North American birds, if possible.

I wanted birds that were good fathers/partners! That's one of the first things I think of when you come to mind, so I'd be remiss not to consider it a crucial part of yourself!

With that in consideration, some of the first thoughts I had were some of the most known and well-loved birds of prey— your Red-Tailed Hawks, your Golden Eagles, your Harriers— all of them emblematic of these qualities, as tremendously cooperative partners, responsible parents, and tremendously competent hunters. I was most driven to American Kestrels, due to having all of these features and the addition of their size, a trait that leads to them being undermined or disrespected, but does not keep them from being remarkable at their craft.

But, if we were to step away from raptors, I think you'd also be quite reminiscent of a rooster! Small, yet mighty. Deeply protective of its own, and some being remarkably diligent parents, despite their reputation. I'm not an expert when it comes to chicken breeds, but, I do think an Ameraucana would be remarkably befitting for you, both due to their look (they're quite famous for their dashing little beard), behaviour (they can be rather broody, in rooster standards!), and fraught history when it comes to being recognized as a breed.

So! These are my two champions for you, the American Kestrel and the Ameraucana Rooster. Take them as you will!

For Orin, it's a much simpler choice: she's a carrion bird through and through! It's impossible for me not to think of it as a vulture or a crow. The most obvious choice for it is obviously the Bearded Vulture, with its striking appearance and curious bone-based diet. Hells, the thing looks like her, it's impossible for her not to be one.

However, if we were to step away from the obvious choices, I want to turn out attention instead to falconry birds. Orin, being a living weapon, I think is remarkably reminiscent of many a bird utilized in the oldest field sport. Of all of the choices, I think the Northern Goshawk is the most fitting choice. Striking birds, with those stunning, focused eyes. They're incredibly effective and enthusiastic predators, known for being some of the best in the game when it comes to stealth, impact, and efficiency. However, it does make them reserved for only experienced falconers, as they're also remarkably high-strung, and do not tolerate mistakes.

Now we're going to steer away from birds of prey and try to look for something more clever and classy. For Labelas, I looked for birds that were known and prized for their intelligence, while trying to keep an eye for beautiful plumage, and a love for anything sparkling. For that, there's no better place to look than in the Corvidae family, famed for their intelligence— but also their mischief! However, we're not looking at crows or magpies here, we're instead looking for jays! And to me, there is no better combination of all these things than in the Black-Throated Magpie-Jay, with it's stunning appearance, and similar reputation when it comes to smarts. You could also look towards it's white-throated counterpart, but I, for one, find the former just slightly more showy. Just slightly.

(a Black-Throated and White-throated Magpie-Jay respectively).

If not looking for a Corvid, I'm personally inclined to look into the Phasianidae family, where pheasants and peafowl reside (amongst others!). I think a peacock of any kind would be much too predictable, so instead, I'll direct your attention to the Great Argus Pheasant instead! Famous for its beautiful plumage and bewitching mating displays.

Great indeed! And most befitting for a God, if you ask me. Perhaps it's all of the fake eyes that make me think of divinity.

more of my art, of my wife…

[image description: the bugs bunny in a tuxedo "I wish all (blank) a very pleasant (blank)" meme edited to say "I wish all of my Jewish followers a very pleasant rosh hashanah". In front of Bugs there is a jar of honey, a stack of apples and pomegranates. In front of bug's mouth there is a shofar.]