875 posts
Venusisadyke - Local Dyke - Tumblr Blog
pov an aro person makes a post
Reject modernity
Embrace tradition
A polycule of aromantics, call that a quiver
hanahaki could be so good if it was just "you will die if you don't accept that the other person doesn't share your feelings" instead of "you will die if the other person doesn't share feelings that they have no control over" it would be so good and cool and i'm so mad it's not
not to be aro on main or anything but I just think so many things would be better if we told kids “oh that’s ok, not everyone likes that kind of relationship” or “not everyone likes doing that” instead of “oh how silly, you’ll understand when you’re older~” when they express disgust or confusion around romantic and/or sexual relationships
Not to sound nitpicky but I wonder why articles about asexuality will define asexuality as "not experiencing sexual attraction" but then, if aromantism is mentioned, it's defined as "not wanting romantic relationships" instead of "not experiencing romantic attraction". It's just something that bothers me. Describing aromantism as not wanting romantic relationships is the same as describing asexuality as not wanting sex (which is, you know, the wrong definition).
Alloromantic people can not want romantic relationships for whatever reason, that doesn't necessarily make them aro. Aro people can want to be in romantic relationships for whatever reason, that doesn't mean they're allo. I know the difference is hard for people to understand but it's kinda important?
I’m swear i’m not trying to police anyone or anything but i just don’t understand the concept of being loveless and i really want to I’m aroace myself and i can’t imagine like not loving my friends or my family or my pets... Is it just that loveless aroaces don’t feel any type of attraction or do they not feel love period? And if they don’t feel love does that just go for people or would they not love pets or anything either? I’m so sorry if this seems accusatory i really don’t mean it like that
For me, calling myself a loveless aro comes from the weird interaction of amatonormativity and well-intended but ultimately unhelpful attempts of aro allyship. I’m an aroace in a society that treats “love” as synonymous with “romance”, which means that in most circumstances, I’m cut off from conversations about what love is, what it means, if it’s important, and so on. Through the lens that “love”=“romance”, love is unattainable to me, and since “love is what makes us human” is such widespread propaganda, I’m dehumanized for being loveless.
These days, people are slowly starting to learn more about aromanticism, to understand the hardships we face, and the subtle ways we’re dehumanized; we’re fortunate that people want to support us and be good allies to aros. Sometimes their allyship is good, but often times it falls into the trap of what I call the Unhelpful Broadening of Love. The motivation behind the Unhelpful Broadening of Love comes from the right place; people are recognizing that dehumanizing aros for not feeling love is wrong. Unfortunately, people try to fix this problem by unhelpfully broaden the concept of “love” to include "romance” as well as “love of friends/family/pets/hobbies/interests” and so on, instead of dismantling the dehumanizing rhetoric of “love is what makes us human”.
This broadening is unhelpful for two reasons: first, it robs me of my agency. No one’s ever asked me if I’d like to be included in love. They’ve just assumed that, after years of being told my identity makes me incapable of feeling love, I’d like someone to shout at me that I do in fact feel love. I was forcibly disconnected from love against my will, and now I’m being forcibly connected to love against my will; clearly, no one’s learned that aros should have the agency to dictate our own relationships to love.
Second, the broadening only applies in the specific context where we were trying to help aros. When we go back to mainstream society, amatonormativity and arophobia are still rampant. The platonic love that I’m told makes me not loveless is still treated as a second class citizen while romantic love always gets first class. My platonic love might be “love”, but it isn’t “true love” or “real love”. The rhetoric of “love is what makes us human” is just as alive as ever, so I’m still seen as inhuman or less human for not feeling romantic love. Given all of this, what good is it for me to have a connection to love that only helps me when we’re focused on aro issues?
I’m a loveless aro because I call myself that. Whether I experience attraction, how I feel about friends, family, pets, hobbies, or anything else is irrelevant. I’m loveless because at some point it’s easier to cut myself off from the idea of love than it is to fight my way back to it. I’m loveless because I’m reclaiming my agency to define my relationship to love.
Can non-aspec people be in QPRs? Can you be in a QPR and a romantic relationship at the same time?
Yes on both counts! QPRs are for anyone who finds them useful. This is what the coiner said about it, it's also good for both ace/aro people and for allo people for QPRs to be more widespread and normalized.
I know of a few people who will have romantic relationships and QPRs at the same time. It's up to the individual and the people they're partnered with to decide what's right for them, some people prefer being exclusive, including with romance, in a QPR and some don't. The important thing is communicating well and making sure everyone is on the same page.
All the best!
As an alloaro, it’s really annoying how everyone always assumes I’m ace when I say I’m aro. It doesn’t help that I used to think I was ace, but no matter how many times I correct people for that, people will still call me ace. I’m not ace. Asexual isn’t the only identity with a lack of attraction
- just something about my experiences being aromantic
dont tag as ace or aroace
I've never felt more alone as an aromantic person than in the middle of a wedding.
there. that's the thing, right in front of me, the thing I don't have. and I don't want,
love
so why is there a pit forming in my stomach?
is it because i feel completely alone standing in a crowd, like we're not even the same creature at all?
iv never feel more like i don't exist then when i hear the officiant say 'love is the one thing that we all have, that brings everyone together',
she doesn't mean it, and im sure someone's already itching to say 'that means platonic love too',
but i ask, why does my entire existence rely on an addendum, on a concession,
and what if there are days when i don't feel any kind of love?
am i no longer a person then?
iv never felt more alone than when i listened to someone else's wedding vows in a garden,
if no one ever sees you, or really understands, do you even exist at all?
- rjb, weddings and love (don't tag as ace or aroace)
Fun things alloromantics can do to support aromantics
Stop putting romantic love on a pedestal
Stop painting those who dont feel romantic love as inherently evil or predatory
Stop with the fucking frat boy and smash and dash jokes
Include aros in talks about aspec identities and in your aspec flag posts
If your post only includes aces keep it out of the aro tag
Stop mocking terms like queerplatonic, aplatonic and attraction outside of the platonic and romantic spectrums
The A stands for more then just aces, it stands for aros and agender people too
Stop with calling aros fetishists, especially when those aros are part of other marginalized identities
That's all I can think of for now, other aros please feel free to add on
Its really funny how im aromantic (cant feel romantic love/affection), but my romantic relationship with my boyfriend is the healthiest ive seen yet, when compared to my friends (some of which are married with children), my moms, and every other family members (excluding my aunt Deedee).
Its almost like you can have an extremely deep and meaningful relationship with someone, even if you cant love them the normal way.
Its almost like love isnt just strictly platonic or romantic; and can operate/exist/gravitate far outside those set boundaries/categories.
don't get me wrong, i am SO GLAD that asexuals are being included in pride this year. and i don't want to sound rude, but i swear, if there's one more thing that leaves out aro people, i am going to scream. and probably punch a pillow. anyway, bottom line is, i want aro stuff in pride too. we're pretty cool once you get to know us <3
why is everyone angry that i can't experience romantic attraction and i don't want a romantic relationship. like come on people i am single and i am happy why are you so invested in ruining that for me
Something uniquely terrifying about being young and aroace is not having any idea what my future can look like. I have never met an older aroace person. I have never seen a story with an aroace ending. I really and truly have no idea how my life will ultimately be shaped.
Sometimes, I worry that I'm going to wake up ten years from now married with children, my identities reduced to a phase from when I was young.
But I know this is real. I know who I am is real and undeniable. So my only choice is to be excited for the future. Because the me of four years ago never could have imagined the me of now. The me of four years ago had no idea how happy I would become or how I would get there.
I can only assume the me of now cannot foresee what paths I will take that will bring me to my future happiness as well. I don't know what an aroace future looks like, but I'm excited to find out.
The aromantic agenda is a good one.
Go and think about what kinds of relationships you want. Don't think about labels like romantic or platonic or sexual, think purely about what relationships would make you happiest.
When I realized I was aromantic, I was asked things like "Would you still date? Would you have a QPR? Will you ever kiss?"
But the aromantic community didn't ask that. Instead, they focused on "What do you want in a world where anything is possible?"
And I realized I want to be alone, surrounded by friends and family I love who are close enough, I can bring them fresh baked scones when I overbake.
They asked me "What do you want?" and the question was so broad, I could weigh labels in my hand like queerplatonic partner and nonpartnering and significant other. I could look at these and shrug and say, "What I want is to not worry about questions I don't care about." I could shelve these indefinitely. Maybe even forever. And just enjoy being myself.
The aromantic community celebrates exploration. Tells people asking if they are aromantic, "This is a personal decision. Your personal decision. If this label helps you, take it. If this community helps you, stay as long as you need. You don't have to be labelled anything, aromantic or otherwise, unless it would bring you comfort. You don't have to be anything you aren't."
It's a good community with good philosophies born from a unique experience, not rooted in missing out, but in being forced to consider what you want when you don't want what's expected.
AUREA readers’ submitted narratives on their aromantic identities.
[Image description: A photo of two pocket folders that are stacked on top of each other. The pocket folder on the bottom is light green, while the folder on top is white. The white folder has nine thin green lines in the top left corner and nine thin grey and black lines in the bottom right corner. All together the lines make up an aromantic flag. Overlaid on the image are the words "AUREA- Loveless and Arospec Thoughts"]
Reminder that bisexuals are no less queer than gay men or lesbians. Bisexuals belong in Sapphic and Achillean spaces, and they aren't "secondary" or "lesser" WLW/MLM. Bi people are allowed to be attracted to the opposite gender, even in queer spaces. Bi people deserve to be treated better.
Welcome to the sixth edition of #AggressivelyArospecWeek!
#AggressivelyArospecWeek (#AAW) is a week-long event promoting the creation of arospec fancontent by arospec creators.
Our event aims to create a space where arospec creators are free to explore their identities through fanwork. We believe that fandom is a great way to share our passions, our interests and to empower one another in our arospec identities. All while having loads of fun!
Please join us from June 20 to June 26 2021 and enjoy a small explosion of arospec fancontent. You’re welcome to submit any type of content for the event, whether it be fanfic, headcanons, mixtapes, fanart,… Anything goes!
Any content you submit has to be centered around a character’s arospec identity (whether that character is canonically arospec or you headcanon them as so.) Content can be about any fandom whatsoever!
To submit, please make a new post during the event week and tag it as #AggressivelyArospecWeek, or submit your work directly to our blog through the ask and submission boxes. Your post will then be reblogged on the Aggressively Arospec blog.
We also have a Twitter account, so use the hashtags #AggressivelyArospecWeek and #AAW21 if you tweet about your work on there. You can also mention us in your tweet to be sure we don’t miss it and can retweet it. Do submit through tumblr if you can, however, since that is the best way to get your contribution archived with all the others.
Lastly, a collection will be opened on Archive of our Own to round up all the fanfics posted on there.
We can’t wait to see what you have in store for us this year!
(For more information, check out our About page or our FAQ section. If you need some inspiration, you can also check out the content that was created during out previous events in our #AggressivelyArospecWeek tag.)
You know maybe amatonormativity exists but it’s hard to say that when I’m 90% sure gay people were not being encouraged to seek out relationships by the wider culture until maybe 2005-ish
I’ve got to say the aceflux flag is so pretty. It straight up reminds me of fancy stained glass windows.