Rewards | Harwin X Reader

rewards | harwin x reader

harwin strong x stark!reader

warnings - fem!reader, death of an animal, hunting, minor violence

notes - this one is basically just major simping on harwin's end. fluff fluff fluff.

The sun was beaming down on the three men who were settled down near a bush in the thick forest. They were silently stalking a large boar who was now foraging on a bush abundant with tiny fruits just a few feet away from them. 

“Perhaps we shall pursue it now?”

“Silence. Not yet, trust me I’ve had lots of experience back in Winterfell” the young Stark boy whispered with a cocky grin. 

Harwin tried to suppress his eyes from rolling while he watched the two boys argue amongst themselves, as much as he loved to hunt, there was no pleasure in doing it when his companions were barely tolerable. Perhaps he should have stayed at the camp with his brother to skin the animals instead. At this point, listening to the ladies gossiping would have been a better option. 

But his thoughts were cut short when he heard a sudden screech, his gaze snapping back to where the boar that was once grazing in front of them was now squirming in its own blood. When had that happened? He swore he had only taken his eyes off the beast for a few seconds. He turned to the other men who looked just as confused and wide-eyed. 

“I fear you were too slow boys” a feminine voice yelled with pride from behind them followed by the loud hooves of her horse.  

The Stark boy groaned loudly, “Sister, shouldn’t you be conversing with the other ladies back at camp?”

“And where is the fun in that brother?” She asked with a teasing smile, as she effortlessly jumped off her horse and brushed past the men staring at her in awe, excluding her brother of course whose face was painted in irritation. 

Harwin stared in shock as he watched the woman drop to her knees, paying no heed to how muddy she became while swiftly pulling the arrow out of the boar only to deliver the final blow by thrusting a large steel dagger into its heart. Her hair and dress were now splattered with blood but it didn’t matter how much dirt or blood she was covered in, Harwin thought she was the most beautiful woman in all of Westeros. 

“Must we have that talk again sister? What is father going to say when he notices you are missing?” 

Y/n stopped in her tracks before turning on her heels to look at her brother, “have I hurt your pride that much? Would you like to take this boar back to camp in my stead? Will you pretend you caught it all by your lonesome because you can’t handle the fact that a woman has outdone you?” 

“You ungrat-” her brother yelled in pure rage, lunging towards her but before he could even get near her a large hand grasped onto the boy’s back and slammed him to the ground. It all had happened so fast, Harwin’s instincts had gotten the better of him. Perhaps he shouldn’t have intervened, but he wasn’t just going to stand there and watch a man physically assaulting a woman in front of him. When he turned to check on the woman, she was gone, already on her horse riding away. 

When Harwin returned to camp it was already nightfall, Robert Stark had definitely given him an earful as they rode back to camp about how he would be facing repercussions for attacking the next heir of Winterfell but that was the least of his concerns. In truth, he hadn’t stopped thinking about the woman in the forest he wanted nothing more than to find her but what would he even say to her? He didn’t even know her name, the only thing he could gather was that she was the daughter of Lord Rickon Stark and Robert was her pitiful brother. 

“Brother if I may ask, why are so consumed by the Starks?” Larys asked. Harwin was never one to scrutinize or pry into other people’s business let alone show much interest in any house other than their own. So when Harwin had sought out his brother with the intention of asking for information about the Stark family, to say Larys was surprised was an understatement. 

“It is merely out of curiosity.”

Larys raised an eyebrow, not convinced by his brother’s obvious fib. “Well, y/n is the eldest child of Rickon Stark. But due to her sex, she has been denied the inheritance which has been passed to Robert the second born. So Robert will be the next heir of Winterfell, it is rumored that Robert is betrothed to the daughter of a smaller house in the North.”

“And what of Lady y/n?” Harwin asked, internally cringing from the desperation in his voice, hoping his brother did not hear it as well. But when he noticed Larys’ smug grin his embarrassment only grew more.

 “Ah, so it’s Lady y/n who has caught your attention? Careful brother, they say the Starks are quite bonded to their direwolves and Lady y/n is no exception. You may be the strongest man in all of the Seven Kingdoms but a direwolf would tear you to shreds.” 

“Do not jest, brother,” Harwin grumbled, annoyance getting the better of him as he stood up from his seat and took his leave, not wanting to hear any more of his brother’s teasing. 

In hopes to silence his racing thoughts, he took solace near the bonfire outside while everyone was busying themselves and enjoying the feasts in honor of Aegon’s second name day. 

“I believe I never thanked you for earlier” a soft voice called out from behind him. 

He nearly felt his heart jump out of his chest when he turned in the direction of the voice and was met face to face with the mystery woman from the forest. She was in a new clean dress with a grey embroidered direwolf adorning her chest, her hair no longer tied up but now combed out to frame her face beautifully. Harwin was never one to fawn over a woman blindly, but with the way she stood in front of him, he would have fallen to his knees if she commanded him to. 

“A thank you is not necessary, Lady Stark.” 

“I apologize for my brother. He has a tendency to lash out, I pray he didn’t cause too much trouble,” she said with a grim smile on her face, walking towards Harwin to stand next to him in front of the bonfire. The warm orange hue of the fire danced across her delicate skin, mesmerizing him with her beauty alone. 

“He did me no harm,” he responded, forcing himself to look away knowing that if he continued to stare at her, he would give himself away immediately from just the look on his face. The last thing he wanted was for her to think of him as a fool. 

“I should have expected nothing less from Ser Breakbones,” she teased, making his heart pound against his chest and cheeks warm in embarrassment, he’s never hated that name more than in this very moment. 

“I must confess I was more concerned about your wellbeing. But from the way you hunt, surely I was underestimating you.”

“You flatter me, Ser Harwin. Perhaps we shall hunt together sometime soon, superior hunter wins.”

“A challenge?” 

“If you’d like to see it that way.” 

“And what will my reward be when I win?” he asked, completely turning to face her now a sudden rush of confidence running through his veins. 

“When you win?” she repeated, mocking his boldness. “Well, if you are so confident Ser Harwin, name your prize and I will provide it.”

“You. I want you.” 

pairing : obsessive! dom eren x god complex reader *wink* *wonk*

rating : smut, 18+, fluff, crack (?)

wc : 53k

cw : degradation, choking, semi public sex, art student! eren, cockwarming, pussy spanking, mention of bruises and injuries, breeding kink ish, obsessive behavior, stalking, borderline yandere 😁 also pliz I’m new so if this bad lemme know

summary : at the very end of graduation, it’s time to say goodbye, college is over, now off to the real world. But before the farewell, you as the student president arrange the one last time after party as a sweet goodbye message, little do you know eren have other plan.

“DO WE HAVE TO?” you murmured as Hitch pushed your back while both of stepping inside of a coffee shop. Fragrance of coffee bean, vanilla air freshener wafted to your nose, the comforting wooden minimalist arabica design greeted your eyes for its pleasing aesthetic scenery.

“Yes, we have to i mean how bad could it be?” she grinned, pulling your arm to her clutches while both of you scoured inside, “besides, the past must stay as the past, it was just a silly president election it’s not like he would hold grudges against you for getting elected,” she continued, referring to the big college event far ago before the senior year. 

That one time when you and Eren Jaeger applied to be the student council president, and like how history spoke, the winner rejoiced, and nobody really care about what happens next to the loser. It was a though fight, you were quite determined to take that core position with your persona, you believed that you could bring greater goods for the community, and you DID do good, but Eren fought back passionately, and you remembered you could see fire in his eyes during his speech at the debate election, he may not smart but he’s clever, maybe a little aggressive but hell does he moved so many people’s heart, you remembered when he was standing tall and brave on that podium while his sea green eyes glued the room together, the intimacy that is fiery and optimistic, but as the whole world know destiny said otherwise, without your own anticipation 

you won. 

And since then your reign begun. You rule well, you made plenty achievements as student president and you never been so proud of yourself, since then you never lose your dedication for your people, and the feel of being a victor, and oh how you loved the feel of being powerful. 

You and Hitch walked upstairs to the second loft of the coffee shop after you both ordered the drinks you wanted, “I dunno Hitch, i don’t think that this is a good idea,” you mumbled to the girl next to you, while you scratching the back of your ear, “when Armin said not to mess with Eren i think he meant it.”

Sure you were delighted with your victory, but you still couldn’t help yourself to feel bad for Eren, there’s this strange tingle of guilt vine your stomach when you, the possessor approached your ex rival far a month ago, he gave you this bitter dirty look as you waved him a polite good morning, then he stormed off without a single word, you felt like he was prestige to look into your eyes since then. 

“And when i said he was a wuss, and a man child for going all off emo after that election i also meant it,” Hitch rolled her eyes, she pat your back as a reassurance before you two finally found the person you’ve been looking for, almost unrecognizable from the last time you guys bumped to each other, for a moment your eyes widened to the now Eren Jaeger.

 There he was sitting all pretty at the smoking area, his hair was pulled onto a messy bun with a few loose strands on his nape, he was far more built than the boy you used to know, his bushy eyebrows looking furrowed to a sketchbook, the charcoal pencil he’s holding dances on top of it. He was styled in a thin knitted black long sleeve top that hugged his muscular body tightly, army green cargo pants, and combat boots — you know, those kind of boots you wear to a rock concert just to kick someone — his rolled sleeves, revealing his veiny arms that covered with tattoos. His long legs is stretched to the chair next to him while he is leaning against the wall. 

Hitch glanced at you, she cackled noticing you googling at Eren, she pulled you by your wrist approaching the brunet, “you’ll be fine,” she snickered, while you could only let out a soft sigh, here goes nothing. 

Hitch signal her presence to Eren with a light cough, a small thud hit the surface of his sketchbook after he dropped his pencil. His gaze shifts to both of you who were standing by his side, he raised his left brow when his eyes met yours, you stared back at Eren and he outstared you blankly, “Jaeger,” you hesitated. 

About time you finally came to me.

“Y/N,” he replied, calling you by your first name. His expression never change, they’re rather cold, unimpressed, he studied both of you, then back to you, he lift his chin up as he locked his eyes on you, “you brought a friend.” Intruder, he finally said after a brief silence, Eren closed his sketchbook and then cracked his knuckles, Hitch pulled you, taking a seat in front of Eren. 

“Now let’s skip the chit chat, because by the way Eren, you smells musty,” Hitch waved her hand in front of her face, she’s not wrong though, he smells like tobacco and axe body spray. Furthermore when Hitch explained the reasons of hers and yours arrival to Eren, his gaze never really left you, sometimes he would spare Hitch small glances and nods as confirmation of himself still listening, but his attention was on you. 

And you willingly stares back, you still couldn’t read his expression, they’re as calm as the morning blue sky, they’re just so empty it sucks you in, maybe it’s the blunt hatred and envy from him for your presidential position, or maybe it was something else, you even almost think that you two are basically eye fucking each other. 

You extended him the proposal and the selected material details to him, it’s almost graduation, and you’re running out of time to find someone who could make an exclusive design for the jackets you are planning to make as a gift for the after party event. The other councilor members and you also haven’t decide the theme yet, it has to be perfect. Your last hope is Eren, the fine arts student all the girls in school droll over, even though his charisma was slightly dimmed after his loss at the election, he still got his charm, and you really prayed to Goddess Fortuna because you don’t want to risk looking for someone else to customize this specific special item and just to get disappoint by the erratic result, at least when Eren agree to take the work, someone could watch over.

“No fucking way,” Eren let out a smug chortled, “the president needs my help,” he added in a sneering tone. Cute. 

“So you agree or not Eren,” you try to suppress your nerve, and you really try not to punch his cocky face, the way he throw his head back a little so he gave you this kind of kubrick stare, gazing into your soul as if he wants to eat you alive, and just like they said, if looks could kill, you’re probably be ripped apart by now. 

“What if i say no?” he continued, tapping his boot’s toe on the wooden floor. 

“You’ll waste your talent,” you gift a thin smile that hides a very big urge to stab him repeatedly. 

Eren chuckled, he looked away towards the window before he lean forward to you, “What happen to the other art students, L/N? Did they finally acknowledge your overly perfectionist bossy self or what?" 

"And what about it?” you argued, leaning to his face, he wanted to humiliate you, he wanted you to get on your knees and beg, but you still have your dignity. 

“Uh, what is this,” Hitch hesitated, “i am highly uncomfortable with the atmosphere we created in this room,” what’s with the eye fucking? Hitch thought, she felt like she’s interrupting a really heated make out session but instead of kissing it was exchanging pure hatred, Hitch nudged you by your elbow, giving you a look. 

You gritted your teeth and pursed your lips together, leaning closer to Eren’s face, “Alright, if this is about that stupid president election we had together grow up Eren! The world doesn’t evolve in your stupid drama queen head, so please since i’m asking you nicely before i could fu-” You stopped your bust as a waitress came over with the drinks you ordered earlier, you glared angrily at Eren as you caught a tug of amused smirk at the corner of his lips, it was the fact that you desperately needs his help but still play all bitchy, he found it funny. 

Sure you have your dignity, and he is willing to destroy it just because he can.

After the waitress left, you tasted your fresh latte angrily, making Eren chuckled under his husky breath, while on the other side Hitch is silently witnessing the tense between you two. 

“Fine,” Eren broke the silence after a few minutes since the waitress left, “i’ll take the work.” he sat up, you nodded and watched as that key necklace of his dangling out from his collar, and when your eyes laid on the toned chest that peaking under his shirt, you gulped your saliva and quickly looked away, “good, thank you for your understanding.”

You clasps your hands together and you could hear Hitch’s faint sigh of relief, “great so now i think we have our deal, you know Professor Levi’s tea shop right? tomorrow we’re doing a gathering, be there before 8, and if-" 

who says that i’m finished doll? Eren tug another smirk, "but with some condition.”

⊱✿⊰

“For real? No party organizer available until next January?” you groaned in frustration, frantically flipping through pages of your journal, Hitch and Armin walks by your side to the long table area.

Chaos. 

Chaos everywhere, you feel like your head is going to explode, your blood boils, and there’s this uncomfortable anxiety under your skin, crippling under you and devouring you slowly. You’ve been overworked yourself the entire night after your meeting with Eren, you were brainstorming for your graduation speech, activity recap, and of course other ornaments for the very last project you’re having in your senior year, you cried for three hours while listening to montgomery ricky then cried again over the document you accidentally deleted. 

You’re exhausted.

Mentally and physically, you woke up with puffy eyes and wrecked brain, but you knew that everything must go on, and no, you won’t back down, everything has to be perfect, 

It has to be perfect. 

Hitch pouted as she watches you typing on your laptop, she snakes her arms around your waist and leaned her head against your shoulder, watching you making some kind of budget recap, “sweetie you should rest and lay down.” She spoke with a soft smile. 

You pursed your lips together before you leaned your head on top of hers, not leaving your eyes from your laptop, “thanks Hitch, but i’m alright, i’ll just finish this and i’ll take a break for a bit.” You just can’t really trust anything without yourself being under control or watching over, you’re afraid that everything would astray far from your definition of ’perfection,’ this empire you’ve been building, and this is your last legacy the next generation will remember, and you wanted it to be remarkable. 

“No dumbass, the last catering service was too expensive and apparently our university was filled with cheapskates.” argued a voice from across the room.

“Well we have no choice???” other voice argued back, “Or we can rely on your very bad cooking skill Kirstein, just pray nobody’s gonna die from food poisoning." 

You huffed at the sight of Ymir and Jean who was sitting face to face on the floor, both are on their phone scrolling on google, you looked around and found Sasha, Marco and Connie, chatting across you, and you looked over to the three people next to you, your vice president Hitch, your treasurer Armin, and your secretary Mikasa. You couldn’t help yourself but smiling at your team, they works so well. 

Then you frowned as your realized something, "Have Eren-" 

A short blonde girl with a tray of drinks and snacks entered the room, "Y'all snack time!” she called out with a large grin on her face.

Ymir’s face lit up as she walked up to her girlfriend, Sasha sprinted towards Historia, going feral over food as usual. 

“Ugh finally,” you chuckled to Jean’s mumble. Soon, half of the room crowded the blonde girl, reaching for snacks and drinks, your eyes fixated as you slowly notice the presence of the familiar sea green eyes, you watches as Eren strolls inside of the meeting room, he yawned before he took a seat on Hitch’s place, your frowned slightly, “excuse you?" 

"Excuse me?” he replied, plastering that damn cocky smile, he looked to you up and down, definitely mocking you under his degrading gaze, dammit y/n did you overworked yourself?

“Well have you look at yourself, President.” he snickered, suddenly a sketch design laid in front of you, you shift your eyes to Eren, before you took the papers on your hands. Soft grazes of colored pencil and ink, the art was delicate yet firm, “what is this?” you asked dumbly to the design of two bomber jackets, each of the jackets has their own scrawled side notes of the color details, embroidery, and even fabric material.

“Both jacket will be make from satin, no argument, satin,” Eren spoke, he pointed his polished finger nail to the design, “the girls will have the yellow one, the boys will take the red, it’ll have our Uni symbol and our number,” he explained, “should be ready as soon as possible,” Eren watches you closely, waiting for you to say something. Part of him…..just wants you to react, just anything, just any reaction exclusively for him. 

You blinked slowly, wow. Honestly it’s beautiful, looks like it was Harajuku style inspired, you can’t wait to touch the final craft, you glanced at Eren, “thank you,” you spoke finally, “it’s really beautiful.”

I’m glad you like it. “Of course it’s beautiful, i made it,” he replied with a smug face, he cracked his knuckles then tapped his fingers to the wooden table, “now now, what do we have here." 

It was part of Eren’s condition. One, he wanted to be fully involved in the graduation ceremony prep and the after party. Two, most importantly nobody touch his creation while he have full control of it, you reluctantly gave him the responsiblity to handle the venue decoration and the theme, most of the people in your team weren’t really pleased with that decision, but like you all have time to think? But after considering it, you felt like it would be good idea to have extra hands helping. 

Anything,

To reach the absolute perfection.

⊱✿⊰

"I’m so glad, that this is almost over, because i could not bear drinking another monster and espresso or i might get caffeine intoxication,” you grinned as you earned chuckles through the dinner table, it was all paid off, and the grand event was right in front of your eyes, you could already imagine yourself standing on that podium, delivering your grand speech, high and god like.

But now, celebration first. 

The admiration looks from your team and the last year student council team — who decided to join for the gig — feeds your ego, there’s Zeke, Nicolo, Reiner, Pieck and her girlfriend Yelena, Porco and Bertholdt. Your friends really look up to you, from the day you earned your position, they knew they could count on you. “Thank you, thank you for all of the hard works this season, i would never ask for a better team, you guys are the best that i could ever wished for,” you grinned and picked up the can of beer from the table, everybody raises their drinks, and you looked at the edge of the table, where your graduated senior, Zeke Jaeger sitting down, giving you a proud look, he was a student president before you, “this is for everyone, our community has never been this great, because you all dedicated your hearts.” As you cheers together, you looked around, something is missing, you can feel it, yet you can’t find any solid answer for that feeling. 

It was a simple outdoor Korean barbecue party in your house’s backyard, after all done, you wanted nothing but to treat your friends, because that’s what they deserved for serving you right. It was returning favor, while waiting for the meat to be cook perfectly by your senior Nicolo, you sat besides Mikasa as you both chats, while Armin was next to her, busy with his phone. In the distance, chaotic guitar strums and jams from drunk Connie and Jean cracking the air together with everyone that hyping them up. You pressed your chin against Mikasa’s shoulder while both of you giggling over a twitter thread. 

“Eren said he’s coming over,” Armin announced to both of you, he looked down to his phone and let out a heavy sigh. 

So that was the missing piece. 

“Why’s the sigh?” you asked Armin.

Armin hesitated, he looked around everywhere that isn’t you, he rubbed his hand through his undercut, it feels like watching someone having a very conflicted mind war with themself, he then finally impaled you with a mixed expression, “Y/N,” he started, “i don’t know how to say this but…..” He glanced over at Mikasa, and you followed him. 

The dark haired girl rather gave him a surprised expression, a some kind of you did not! look. You exchanged the utterly confusion to both of them, Mikasa nodded slowly, “She needs to know, Armin." 

"I need to know what?" 

"What are you guys talking about?” you turned around and sees Eren standing right in front of you, bruised up and bleeding, his knuckles was fucked in a shade of dark red and purple, strands of hair falling in front of his face, Mikasa quickly stood up, “Eren did you—”

“Yes i did,” he shot her a cold glare, you could see from the corner of your eyes that Zeke started to approaching, Eren’s eyes then finally found Armin, who’s looking scared and nervous more than ever, “tell me, what’s the interesting story Armin?” his tone was striking and icy, under his husky voice, you could track hints of slurs because of alcohol. 

Armin went quiet, he gripped his knuckles, what is this? something must happened and you didn’t know, and you hated that. You hated when things was out of your reach. “It’s okay Eren, you should check your wounds, they look pretty bad,” Armin swallowed, his words came out more threatening than he anticipated. 

“No, no, no, i wanted to know what you gonna say to Y/N,” Eren moves closer to Armin, “you are not trying to tell her anything bad about me right?" 

They looked like they’re ready to throw hands, but Zeke was already slips between them, holding the both boys’s chests with his flat palms, "come on now guys, let’s not.” he hesitated.

“No, let’s.” Eren insisted, he slapped his brother’s hand, you quickly pulled him down by his arm, he flinched when he felt your touch, Eren glance at you, and for a split second his eyes went soft, it was that soft that you felt nothing but pure affection from his sea green eyes, then something took over his body, he suddenly pulled you by your collar, lifting you up, moving your face closer to his.

His eyes were bloodshot, you squeezed his wrists while kicking your feet on the air, “you,” he growled, his warm breath smells like alcohol, you blinked slowly, scanning Eren’s animalistic glare, but there is no hate in his eyes, you found yourself trying to look for it but there it none, instead there’s this raging desire, he looked at you like you were his prey, “Eren-” you choked, for the first time, you feel powerless.

“I hate you,” he hissed, but all you could sense was lie, his mortal fingers squeezing you so deadly but you feel the comfort of it, the bizarrely embracing lust, and his existence blurs all the noises around you, just you and Eren Jaeger. “you took everything from you,” he continued, “i woke up everyday wishing you dead." 

You knitted your eyebrows, and you feel your godly ichor rushes back through your veins, a disgusted smirk appeared on your face, belittling him for lying, "liar." 

Then huge arms pulled Eren from you, tackling him to the ground, Mikasa caught you before you hit the ground, Hitch stepped in front of you, shielding you from Eren who was struggling under Zeke, "Eren what the hell!” she shouted. Mikasa helped you up and pulled you close to her chest, “Y/N are you okay?” she sounded so scared, questions and assumptions popping in your head about what happens between Mikasa, Armin, and Eren. You looked up, finding Reiner helping Zeke restraining his own brother. You knew a minute ago that guy attacked you, but seeing Eren in that position just feels so wrong, you never thought you’ll get drew by a guy like Eren Jaeger, but here you are finding yourself shoving aside your pride while approaching the two blonds. You put your hand on Zeke’s shoulder, squeezing them gently, “it’s okay,” your delicate tone shocks him, “let him go Zeke." 

You could feel everyone giving you a jaw drop, but when all eyes on you, you find yourself only looking at Eren. 

After a tense moment, Zeke and Reiner finally let go of the brunet, you pulled Eren up then you put the tip of your fingers to his chin, examining his wounds, he scoffed and avoided your eyes, dropping his eyes to the ground. "Let’s get that clean up,” you mumbled and dragged him by his hand, intertwining his fingers with yours. Leaving everyone in a ambiguous silence. 

“Why are they leaving? the wagyu is ready.”

You walked upstairs to your room, no words exchange both of you before you finally entered the bathroom with Eren, you let go of his hand, your heartbeat strangely skipping inside your chest, while you were searching for the medicine kit in the cabinet, when you finally turn around, you found Eren already sitting on the toilet seat, you kneeled down in front of him and you opened the medicine kit, you pulled a towel from the drawer and stood up, wetting it in the sink, “what happen?” you finally spoke. 

Eren let out a deep chuckle, he wiped his bloody nose with his thumb then wiped it off on his jeans, gross. “Why do you care,” he asserted. 

You rolled your eyes and kneeled back in front of him, with dripping wet cloth on your right hand, “please you stormed on me, lifted me up and looked at me like you wanted fuck me against the table while also wanted to burn me alive at the same time.” you gave him a judging look. You took his hands, and then slowly pressed the dampen cloth on his bloody knuckles, he didn’t flinch, Eren remained silence while he watches you. You could feel his smirk while you were treating his wounds. “Have i told you how hideous you look tonight?” he asked quietly. 

“No, tell me." 

Eren then moved his left hand away from you, extending them, he caressed his thumb on your cheekbone, made you froze, his hand then traveled to your ear, it tugged your hair behind them, "i cannot.” He whispered softly. 

You looked up, and put the now reddish cloth on the floor, you moved closer to the burnet in front of you, you intertwined your fingers with his once again, the tense on his shoulders visibly relax while his pupils widened to the presence of you, “now would you tell me what happen?” your voice sweetened, melodic in his ear, and it seems like he’s lured enough by it. 

Eren huffed a chuckle, he looked down to both of your hands, “Had a fight with Pops,” he shrugged, “took the anger on the wall.” You moved closer to his face, close enough to smell the liquor in his breath. Eren stared at you, he never imagine he would have the blessing to be this close with you, he was always watching you from afar. Those interrogation towards Armin regarding you, questions after questions on your personal life, forcing Armin to dug deeper and helped Eren fulfilling his needs on you, he’d followed you after school, to your favorite coffee shop, your home so he’ll know your address, to where ever he could reach you, man… he’ll go after you to the edge of the world if that’s where you’re heading. 

“Do you still hate me?” you asked, and to be honest the question kind of scares you, because after these past few weeks of spending more time with Eren Jaeger, you finally caught in his fire, his flaming intimacy you thought was long gone, and you also surprises yourself for not getting pissed off by the feeling, because it makes you feel vulnerable. 

Eren grazes his thumb on your jaw as if you were made of glass, he kneeled down to the floor with you, so you both could be equal, no high ground. “The truth is my darling, i never was,” he confirmed, “after you won that election it was my last straw because from the first time i laid my eyes on you, Love…. You have bewitched me body and soul,” he’s been watching over you from the distance and you still as pathetic as he could remember, maybe it’s the way you stole glances at him, the way you would secretly checking him out but little did you know that he notices everything, he’s been reading you like an open book without having to flip through every pages, because you already spread open for him, “you have became the very thing that is out of my reach, Love. And for i have fancy you, and you’ll be mine not just in my mind but fully,” and he is itching to taste you. His warmth envelopes you to a sense of safety, he trails his hands to your waist, pulling you closer to him, and you melt like a candle on fire. Right above you stand an entity greater than yourself, the essence of mystery that fold itself in front of you, and with the universe speak between you, everything is a clarity. 

And you, you don’t get it, you thought it was all envy to the position you have, and for the first time, you crave something other than power, “Did you just quoted Pride and Prejudice for me, Jaeger?” you snakes your arms around his neck while his growing bulge strokes on your clothed cunt, the rough material of his jeans made your arousal grow thicker, “my, my, my i used to think that you were just a pretty face with zero common sense,” you teased, nuzzling your nose against him. 

His husky chuckle vibrates against your skin, without warning he pushes you up against the wall and you immediately jumped onto his waist with your legs, you gasped as your back hit the cold surface, Eren kneading your butt cheeks as he was holding you up, his chest pressed on yours, warm breath mixes together, “ouch, did you just call me dumb?” you snickered, Eren tilts his head before he smirked, “maybe we could be equally dumb after i make you babble nonsense with my cock.” His mouth devouring yours feverishly. Frantic gestures rid you and him of clothes on your body, while you helped Eren unbuckling his belt, his teeth grazes yours, tongues fighting for dominance with each other, he latched his lips onto yours, hungry for more taste, you started to sucking his bottom lip while Eren savor your taste, he pushes more for a deeper kiss, his hand fondling your clothed boob, then it slipped under them, as he found your stiffened nipple, you felt his smirk between your kiss, and a moan escaped from your lips, they’re already swollen and you knew you needed air soon, but without your realizing, you already breath through his air through the kiss. 

You unhooked your bra while Eren pressed you harder against the wall, his cock was already free from his jeans and boxer, his beautiful tip was coated in precum, when you finally exposed your breasts in front of him, the animalistic side possessed him back, Eren kneads your breasts greedily causing you to mewl, shivers running down your spine, and you unconsciously grinds you drenched cunt against his waist, Eren cackled. 

“What a fucking whore, you looked like a cat in heat." 

You whined when his flat palm hit your cunt, he rubs the dampen clothed surface of your clit, Eren brought his mouth to your breast and started to circling his tongue on your nipple, making your back arched and you grinding to nothingness of his waist, "whore,” he spat, a string of saliva bridge between your skin and his lips, “is this what you called a student president? i don’t think so.” Eren grip your throat and slowly adding pressure to your air circulation with his index finger and thumb, his other hand has been stroking his own cock for awhile, he uses his precum as lube and your eyes twinkled to the beautiful sight. 

Your lips parted, he let out a throaty groan to your ear just to tease you, “what if i just jack myself and leave you like this?” the menacing grin appeared on his face, your desperate look just pleased him even more, he groaned under his breath as he feeling himself twitching, and your drooling pussy just looking tastier than ever, Eren inhaled and faked a pout, “aw, what is it? don’t you want to walk around with my cum dripping from your slutty hole aren’t you? that is sinful my Love, won’t it gonna stain your pride, Miss President?" 

You cursed under you breath, and another slap landed on your cunt, you threw your head back as Eren squeezed you against the wall, "nu uh, bad words,” he growled, “what do you want, Y/N? Use your fucking mouth if you want something, did your parents never tell you?” another hard slap on your cunt made you gasp, you cried louder, and Eren shushed you while peppering kiss on your naked shoulder, “careful darling they might hear you from downstairs." 

He pecked your nose before he finally aims his cock to your entrance, stroking his tip to your dripping cunt, "what do you want, Y/N? say it.” He repeated.

“Your cock!” you whimpered, “please pound me with your cock…. please Eren.. i just want it inside..”

He slammed into you, causing you to let out a sharp noise, “Oh, like this?” Eren felt your soft warm walls hugging him so tightly, as if you guys just fit so perfectly together, he held his hand on your tummy to prevent you from grinding your greedy self, letting your cunt clenching him by itself, “fuck you’re so tight my Love,” he groaned subtly. 

“E-eren please move….. i’m begging you….” you sobbed so pathetically. Eren moved his face close to yours and pinned your wrists above your head, “this will need an outcome don’t you think?” he tilted his head, making you wept for his cock to move even more, suddenly an idea popped in his head, “I will move,” he said, “i’ll shoot my loads in you and then you’ll be mine, i want you to want me so badly, i’m going to imprison you, and then…. just then…it’ll be just you and me, always and forever,” he dug his face on the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent so they’ll stay in his head, but he knew it won’t, you’re his own personal drug anyways, “promise, Darling?” Eren whispered against your skin.

You shivered under him, your eyes rolls at the back of your head, your pussy is aching with lust, so needy for his cock. You quickly nodded your head, “p-promise." 

Eren kissed your neck, sucking them briefly, leaving a visible mark on your soft skin, "good girl.”

He pulled his cock from you, leaving just the tip, before then he impaled, filling you up with his length, he slide so easily onto your meat, your legs shivered as he endlessly pushed deeper inside you, and you could feel his tip kissed your cervix, Eren then started to moves at a quick pace, “you like that so much hm? taking my cock like a little slut,” he said velvety, turning you on even more. He buried your moan into a deep kiss, his big arm scoot your hips close to him as he ramming his cock with no mercy onto your walls, his other hand still pinning your wrists, as if you’re gonna escape from him. You started to rolling your hips on him, making him move more faster, you’re both skin to skin, grinding onto each other desperately, “Eren….s'big…so deep…” you moaned. He continues to pound into you.

“Fuck, that’s right baby say my name.”

“Eren!”

After a minute he completely stopped, you opened your eyes and your face shows confusion, before you could ask any questions, he suddenly slams all of his length into you, causing you to yelp both in pain and pleasure, the lewd sound of skin slapping made you curl your toes, he pounding into you like there’s no tomorrow, you threw your head back, your tongue lolling out from your lips, he slamming all his length in and out of you repeatedly until you’re a shaking panting mess, an amused look plastered on his cocky face, and his hips didn’t stop dipping on you, not letting you think straight or put up any fight, “come on, fucking take it like the cumslut you are.”

You choked on your breath as the knot in your stomach getting tighter, “E-ren… hugs…hugs….?” you purred to him, he finally let go of your wrists and let your head fell against his shoulder, he increases his phase that you didn’t know was possible, you warped your arms around him as he did to you, and you dragged your nails through his sweaty back, Eren started to whisper sweet nothings as he felt himself twitching, he slurred curses underneath his groaned, his veins popped as he gripped you tightly, his muscles flexes at each moves.

You didn’t dare to question him when he said that he’ll fill you up inside, because no matter what your answer is, he’ll do it anyway. The sight of his hard rock abs and v lines sent you over the edge, “Eren i’m gonna cum—“

“cum with me, Darling.” 

You tasted the bitter tint in your tongue as you started seeing stars, you vision went black as Eren rides you to your orgasm while fluid started dripping down your thighs, your body is shaking uncontrollably, Eren let out a loud groan as he riding himself to his own high using your abused cunt, he shot his warm thick load onto your womb, making sure you take all of it, you buried your face on his neck, he slowly pulls out his cock and watches the white liquid oozing from your hole. Eren lifted up your chin, he cupped your cheek and pressed a soft kiss against your lips, mixing your pants together, “mine.” he moaned to your soft plump lips.

“yours.“

⊱✿⊰

when lorde said "it feels so scary getting old" and when frank ocean said "we'll never be those kids again" and when taylor swift said "it's supposed to be fun turning 21" and when mitski said "mom am i still young can i dream for a few months more" and when phoebe bridgers said "how can a person know everything at 18 and nothing at 22" and when haim said "was i fearless at 17 years old or was i faking it?"

Two little bundles

From the moment King Viserys first saw the interaction at the hunt at the Godswood between the knight, Ser Harwin Strong, and his second born daughter with his late wife Aemma, Alyssa, he knew that Ser Harwin would be a good match for his youngest daughter. After seeing them dance together at Rhaenyra’s wedding and after all the chaos that happened that day Viserys had summoned his Hand Lyonel Strong to his bed chambers later that night to discuss the betrothal between his youngest daughter and Ser Lyonel oldest son Ser Harwin Strong. Though it would seem both The Old and The New Gods were on their side as piversouly Ser Harwin had pulled his father to the side to ask him if he could speak to the King to ask permission if he could have the young Princess hand in marriage.Not wasting any time the young couple was married within two months in Kingslanding as even a blind person could see how taken they were with each other.

Even as the months pass by them it seems that they were still in that love bubble that surrounded them from the first moment they locked eyes on each other.Even now as Alyssa watches her Husband get ready to start his day as the commander of the city watch, she couldn’t help but let her eyes wander down her husbands fame. “I can feel your eyes on me, my little wife.” Harwin says with a grin as he looks over his shoulder at his wife who was lying down on their sheared bed who shylying looked away making Harwin grin grow as he loved watching her flushed. “I was only admiring what is in front of me as you would say, my husband.” Alyssa says with a grin before putting her hands on her side as she struggles to sit herself up, which becomes difficult over time as her stomach swells with the couple's first child. Seeing his wife struggle Harwin quickly runs to his wife’s aid and helps her sit up and adjust the pillows behind her so she could at least have the smallest amount of comfort as he knew that now that she due any day now she had the hardest time finding comfort.

“How is my little wife, and child faring this morrow?” Harwin asks as he rests a hand on the swell of her stomach while leaning in to steal a kiss from his wife. “We are doing well, though I must admit I would appreciate it if my husband would kindly tell his child it is quite rude to kick someone awake.” Alyssa wince as said childs divlers a hard kick to her side. Without any words Harwin lifts up the shirt she was wearing which was in fact his shirt to her breast to show off her bare round stomach. Placing his lips to her stomach he begins to talk to their unborn child as they have notice early on it was his voice that would help settle the down the child when they were particularly active. As Alyssa watches Harwin caress and love on her stomach she couldn’t help but thank the Gods for sending Harwin to her as she couldn’t have been luckier to have him as her husband as she thinks back to when she first found out she was excepting. Despite being over the moon about the pregnancy their was still apart of her that feared child birthing after what happened to her late mother Aemma. When Alyssa confinden in Harwin about her fears Harwin assured her he would always choose her in the end, because despite already loving his unborn child Harwin could never live in a world where he could never feel her touch again. To never hear her voice again, to never see her smile again would be a curse unbearable to live life without having his wife by his side. So yes if there is a choice to make he will always make sure Alyssa will be saved above their unborn child.

“I love you.” Alyssa blurts out taking Harwin’s attention away there as he looks up to see his wife already looking down at him with all the love she holds for him seem to pour from her eyes. Not missing a single beat Harwin leans up having his lips above her just barely touching. “As I love you.” Harwin tells her before sharing a passionate kiss between the two lovers as the world seems to fade that neither of the two notice the door opening. “Oh! Would you please allow my sister to breathe Ser Harwin.” Rhaenyra's teasing voice broke the two lovers apart as Alyssa couldn’t help but giggle at her older sister's words. “Hello Princess.” Harwin grumbles slightly annoyed as this isn’t the first time Rhaenyra has barged into the couple’s shared room unannounced. “Hello sister.” Alyssa greets her sister much more happily than Harwin had. “Now that is a much happier greeting, don’t you think good brother brother?” Rhaenyra teas as she moves to lay down next to her little sister while placing baby Jacaerys (who was born just a few months ago) in between them. “Hello baby Jace.” Alyssa coos softly as she picks up her first born nephew before placing a few kisses on his face casing to babe to laugh and coo happily back at his aunt. “He’s gotten bigger.” Harwin comments as he walk back to get gold cloak to attach it to his armor. “Yes, he seems to double his size in just a few months.” Rhaenyra says proudly as she gazes at her son. “He’ll make a fine knight.” Alyssa says as she looks at her sister with a bright smile. “I too believe so.” Rhaenyra says softly before leaning over to kiss her younger sister’s forehead.

“I must start heading out, my love.” Harwin says as he once again walk back to his wife side completely dressed in his armor. “Promises to come back home safely?” Alyssa ask the same question she’s always ask since they started courting even though she knew that Harwin knew Kings Landing like the back of her hand which brought some relief towards her but she can’t help but worry for her husband. “Always.” Harwin promises as he has done since Alyssa has asked him. Kissing her softly on her lips before kissing her forehead he swore to her that he will be back before lunch time so they could dine together. Leaning back from he quickly reaches over and pushes Rhaenyra roughly so she could fall off the bed without hurting her as punishment for interrupting them once again. “Fuck you.” Rhaenyra swears at her good brother while Harwin simply laughs at her.

Opening their bedchamber door he finds Rhaenyra’s sworn shield standing outside their door who suspiciously had the same hair and eye color as her son and how also had some of the same features as each other. Without saying a word to each they simply nodded their head in understanding of each before Harwin left for the day eager to finish his duties for the day so he could return home. “You shouldn’t tease him so much, sister.” Alyssa tells her sister as Rhaenyra rejoins her. “Then it would be so boring.” Rhaenyra wines as they share a look before laughing. Rheanyra despite their bickering with each other, Rheanyra truly sees Harwin as her brother and not just as a good brother, and she was thankful that their father chose Harwin to be Alyssa’s husband. “How are you feeling sister?” Rhaenyra questions as she watches her sister fawn over her son. “Tired.” Alyssa answered honestly causing the two sisters to laugh as Rheanyra remembers being in her position only a few months back. “How much did you sleep last night? Have you had breakfast, yet?” Rhaenyra questioned her little sister, not even letting answer before she asked her next question. Grabbing Rhaenyra’s hand Alyssa softly smiles at her. “I’m feeling quite well, thank you sister, though no I have not had Breakfast yet.” Alyssa promises her as she couldn’t blame her for worrying since she too was in her position when Rhaenyra was in hers, especially after what happened to their mother. Rhaenyra couldn’t help a smile softly at her before hugging her sister as they sat there for few moments in peace before Rhaenrya had ask one of her ladies in waiting who had just walked in to bring their breakfast her so that they could dine together as she opens all the windows to the room knowing how much Alyssa hated being kept inside at all times.

Seeing as it was now only the two sisters, Rhaenyra gave Jace to his wet nurse as he became hungry and it was closer to his nap time. They sat in comfortable silence, well Rhaenrya sat while Alyssa walked around her room still in Harwin’s shirt as she got tired of laying down but did not feel like getting dressed and leaving her bedroom either so she settled for walking around her room. A sharp grasp from Alyssa catches Rhaenyra’s attention as she looks up to see her sister’s face scrunch up in pain as she cradles her baby bump in her hands as she is leaning forwards from the pain. “ Sister, is it time?” Rhaenyra asks as she rushes to her sister’s aid, before Alyssa could answer she groans in pain once more as her water breaks and runs down her leg answering Rhaenyra’s question. “Come, I will send for the midwife and send one of your ladies to fetch Harwin and be at your side once again.” Rhaenyra walks Alyssa back to her bed. “Everything will be okay, I promise.” Rhaenyra swears as she holds her sister's gaze for a few seconds before sitting Alyssa on the edge of the bed and rushes towards the door where she tells her sworn shield the news and watches as he runs down the hall to where he saw the second Princess ladies go to tell them. Seeing all the ladies rush out the room towards Alyssa’s room while one runs the opposite way to find Ser Hawrin, Rhaenyra makes her way back to her sister's side.

Luckily, as it was almost noon time Harwin was already on his way back to his lady wife’s side so the Princess’s lady did not have to travel far as she caught sight of him. “Ser Harwin!” The lady yells catching his attention as he remembers her being a part of his wife’s ladies. “Ser, it’s the Princess, her labors have started!” The lady tells him loudly once she gets closer to him before she starts running after Harwin when he starts running to his bedchamber paying no mind to the whispers that started after hearing the lady’s words. Each step took him closer to their shared bedchamber where he was now able to hear his wife’s cries of pain, without another thought he quickly badgers into their bedchamber where he sees Rhaenyra sitting behind his wife supporting her as Alyssa as she leans back against her. “Harwin.” Alyssa gasps in relife when she sees her husband standing in front of their bedroom door. Hearing her voice he’s quick to take off his armor before taking Rhaenyra’s previous spot, while Rhaenyra settles for kneeling beside her sister while still holding one of her sister’s hands, as Harwin takes ahold the other while his right hand settles on top of her stomach. “I’m her my love, you are so strong, my little warrior.” Harwin mumbles into his wife's damp forehead before laning a gentle kiss to where her forehead and her damp hairline meets.

“Push Princess, push.” The midwife calls from in between Alyssa’s legs. Alyssa grip on her sister and Harwin’s hand tightens as she leans forward groaning in pain as she did exactly as the Midwife instructed her to do before falling back against her husband to try and have moment to breath before she has to push again. “Keep breathing, you're doing well, sister.” Rhaenyra tries to comfort her sister as kisses her sister’s hand. “Try again, Princess.” The midwife says as she keeps Alyssa’s legs from closing. ‘Mmm..” Alyssa cries in pain as she pushes once again. “You’re almost there, Princess, I can now see the head!” The midwife informs happily as she sees the child start to crown. “Just a little more, My love. You are doing so well.” Harwin says excitedly as so many emotions run through him as he watches his brave little wife go through labor to bring their child into the world. “I-i can’t.” Alyssa cries as she browles her face into her husband's neck. “Yes, yes you can. You are so strong, my love and I could never thank you enough for allowing me to love you, and now you are bringing our child into this world and they will never know how lucky they are to have you as their mother, but I shall tell them just how lucky they are every day that passes.” Harwin says as he caresses his beloved wife’s face while everyone is touched by Harwins words as he speaks to his wife. “I love you.” Alyssa says with a stained smile as tears gather in her eyes. “And I you.” Harwin says softly as he moves her damp hair away from her face before leaning down to bring her into a gentle kiss. Though, the kiss didn’t last long as Alyssa breaks the kiss as she cries in pain before she starts to push again. “One more push princess, just one more.” The midwife encourages her as the child's head breaks through. As Alyssa lets out one last cry as she pushes the midwife gently grabs the babe and helps pull the baby out. “It’s here Princess!” One of the younger midwives shouted happily while Alyssa collapsed against her husband as she breathed in relief. While the older midwife turns the babe around she slaps the babe’s back and loud cries soon follow allowing everyone to breathe in relief. “It’s a boy! Praise the Mother!” Ther older midwife infromes everyone as she hands the babe to his mother. Alyssa cries happily as she holds her son kissing his forehead not caring that there was still blood on him. “Is he healthy?” Alyssa questions the midwife worriedly as her son starts to setll in his mother’s arms. “He’s as strong as a horse.” The midwife tells her Princess happily.

Laughing happily Alyssa crovers her son’s face with kisses, happy to finally have him in her arms, before she suddenly stills before letting out a painful goran alerting everyone in the room. “It’s the afterbirth.” The midwife announced before kneeling in between the princess’s legs only gasping in shock, alarming Harwin and Rhaenyra as she was taking the babe from her sister's arms as she knew the after birth could be just as painful, while Alyssa was too busy groaning in pain. “What, what’s wrong?” Harwin demanded to know what’s happening as he feared the worst. “There’s another babe coming.” The midwife anounce shocking everyone. “I need you to push now princess, the babe’s head is already showing. Groaning loudly Alyssa pushes as arches her back. “Again.” The midwife commands as she gently cradles the babe’s head as it peeks through. Wrimpring Alyssa pushes once more as she finally delivers her second child. Alyssa cries in relief partly as another set of cries field the air and also as she can feel the pain lessen finally. “Another boy, Princess.” The midwife smiles as she quickly hands the second born to his mother weak arms, but Alyssa does not mide as she cradles her second son against her chest as she covers her second born son with kisses as she had done with the first one, laughing in disbelief as she stares at him. “Please tell me that he is the last one.” Alyssa pleads causing everyone to laugh but is soon interrupted. “Princess.” Everyone looked up at the new voice to see one of the ladies that belonged to the Queen. “The Queen demands that the child be brought to her.” The lady demands changing everyone’s mood in the room quickly.

(Don’t worry their will be a part two to this I hope you all enjoy this and sorry if there any mistakes with grammar or my spelling.)

𝐡𝐚𝐫𝐰𝐢𝐧 𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐨𝐧𝐠 | 𝐤𝐞𝐞𝐩 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐬𝐚𝐟𝐞.

⊹ fandom house of the dragon

⊹ pairing ser harwin strong x reader

⊹ synopsis when the fight breaks out, ser harwin strong decides to get the most important lady in the room to safety

⊹ tags some sexual tension—sexual fluff is the term i'd use it; "who did this to you?" trope + wound bandaging; unexpected marriage proposal in the end because i can't control where my stories go

⊹ warnings fighting, hotd spoiler for 1.05

⊹ word count 1305

The crowd thickens on the dance floor. You are sitting off to the side, on your third cup of wine, watching with amusement as your best friend gets in a heated discussion with Daemon in the middle of the room for the entire crowd to watch. As interested as you are as to what will happen between them, you take a sip and divert your eyes away so if someone were to interrogate you, you’d be able to feign cluelessness.

Your eyes sweep over the room, taking in the attendees. There’s King Viserys, who’s aggressively moving his knife back and forth in a cutting motion except he’s missing the actual chicken because he’s too absorbed watching with scandalised eyes at his brother and daughter.

Then there’s Queen Alicent, who’s also watching, but more subtly. She’s gotten better at concealing her emotions, and much better at learning the subtle ways of the court. You’ll have to warn Rhaenyra about her old friend.

But like every time the two of you are in the same room together, your eyes are eventually drawn to him. Unsurprisingly, he’s already staring at you. Ser Harwin Strong stands across the room with someone talking to him, but it’s clear he’s no longer interested in them. You smile at him, and he bows his head in greeting. His eyes shamelessly rake you up and down, and to tease and appease his appetite which you know all too well, you lean forwards slightly so your dress gives him a much nicer view. You grin at his smile.

That is the crux of your relationship. Longing glances from across the room, a moment of flirtation that doesn’t lead everywhere. For now, it’s fun. Sneaking around, teasing each other in public, the possibilities of what could be existing in the inch of space between your lips when you have your back against the wall and his chest pressed against yours, never pushing further, but not pulling away. You’re both satisfied with it for now. But how long will it last before it’s no longer enough and you both must make the decision of either being together or forever apart?

A scream rises above the crowd, tearing your attention from him. Duty and loyalty to the princess takes over your body, and you stand in search for Rhaenyra immediately. You catch sight of her white hair and see as the thick crowd, now panicked, shove the princess aside.

“Rhaenyra!” you shout out to her, but no one hears you.

No one except for ser Harwin, who despite being so far from you and on the other side of the panicking crowd, sees you grab the knife you had been cutting your chicken with and head determinedly into the crowd to defend your friend. As frustrated he is by you endangering yourself, he can’t help but chuckle at the sight of your stubbornness, loyalty, and bravery. But worry overtakes him as you disappear into the throng of bodies, gone from his view.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees his father motion for him to grab the princess. Harwin stretches his head to the left before shoving aside the person in front of him, then the person behind them and every else who stands in his way. He occasionally punches someone if they won’t move. As the crowd gets even thicker, he begins to use his body to barrel his way through. He does pretty much anything that needs to be done until he catches a glimpse of you again, now having made it to the princess’ side. Blood drips down your knife. The sleeve on your pretty blue dress is ripped, and he sees blood stains around it.

You turn and your eyes meet, as if you could just feel his presence when he came near enough.

“Ser Harwin,” you gasp out. “Take the princess to safety—OH!”

The floor disappears from under your feet.

You scream out as his large hands grasp your waist, and with barely a grunt, hoist you over his very broad shoulders. The heat from his hands is familiar, the grip on your waist drawing memories from two nights before, but in this moment, all you feel is anger and disbelief as you are carried away from Rhaenyra who is picked up in a similar position by another member of the city watch.

“Put me down, ser Harwin!” you shout. You slam your fists against his back, not that he’d feel it.

“Stop moving, my lady,” he says gruffly.

You twist around so you can see a glimpse of where you’re going. One hand is still wrapped around your legs to keep you from falling. His other hand is shoving people aside to clear a way.

“PUT ME DOWN!” You try to kick, but his grip tightens.

Then he slaps your ass.

“I said, stop moving!”

Realizing that this isn’t a fight you’re going to win, you huff and stay still as he fights through the rest of the room. Only out in the hall where it’s silent, empty, and dark, does he bend down to put you gently on the ground.

You slap his chest. “You were supposed to get the princess to safety!”

“I was getting my lady to safety first,” he says unabashedly.

“You can’t put me above Rhaenyra!”

“Can’t I?”

Heat floods your cheeks at his words. You look down and see that his hands are still gripping your waist, as if he’s still keeping you safe. Silence passes between you, only the sounds of his and yours heavy breathing filling the air. Gradually, your anger ebbs away, but still his grip doesn’t loosen.

“You can let go of me now, ser Harwin,” you say softly, breaking the silence.

He doesn’t. He steps forward, forcing you take a step backward. Forwards, back, forwards, back, your eyes never looking away from his until your back hits the wall. He takes a step forward. Then another. He’s much taller than you, and much broader. His entire presence looms over you, but you don’t feel terrified or small. If anything, you only feel protected. Secure.

Loved.

He reaches for his shirt and tears a strip from the bottom. You don’t protest as he dabs the blood on your arm before wrapping it over the wound. When he’s done, he bends down to press a kiss against it.

“Does it hurt?” he asks softly.

You shake your head. The scalding touch of him being so close to you yet not doing anything is more unbearable than the knife that cut you.

“Who did it?”

“Harwin.”

“People get hurt from fights all the time. No one will know it was intentional.”

You can’t stop the chuckle from escaping. He smiles softly at you and moves even closer so his forehead is resting against yours, his breath warm over your lips.

“You can’t do that again,” he says.

You look at him challengingly. “Can’t I?”

“No, you can’t. Stop risking yourself.”

“Rhaenyra is my friend, and I have a feeling that things are only going to get worse from here. I have to stay by her side and protect her.”

He sighs, and you know he understands that he can’t ask you to forsake your friendship with her. “Then I will stand by your side and protect you,” he says instead.

You raise your brows. “Oh, will you?”

“Enough of this hiding around and being on opposite ends of the room. I want to be by your side at all times.”

“And how will you do that, ser Harwin?”

He takes your hand in his and presses a kiss to the inside of your palm. “Marry me,” he says, and you feel everything in you stop until he is all you can see and think and feel.

“Marry me and be mine.”

𝗮𝘂𝘁𝗵𝗼𝗿'𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁𝗲 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗂 𝗐𝖺𝗍𝖼𝗁𝖾𝖽 𝗁𝗈𝗍𝖽? 𝖺𝗉𝖺𝗋𝗍 𝖿𝗋𝗈𝗆 𝗍𝗂𝗄𝗍𝗈𝗄 𝗌𝗇𝗂𝗉𝗉𝖾𝗍𝗌, 𝗇𝗈. 𝗂 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝗆𝗈𝗇𝖾𝗒 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗇𝖾𝗍𝖿𝗅𝗂𝗑 + 𝖼𝗋𝖺𝗏𝖾. 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝖺𝗆 𝗂 𝗂𝗇 𝗅𝗈𝗏𝖾 𝗐𝗂𝗍𝗁 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗐𝗁𝗈 𝗉𝗋𝗈𝖻𝖺𝖻𝗅𝗒 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗈𝗇𝗅𝗒 𝖻𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝗈𝗇 𝗌𝖼𝗋𝖾𝖾𝗇 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝖺 𝗍𝗈𝗍𝖺𝗅 𝗈𝖿 𝗈𝗇𝖾 𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗎𝗍𝖾 𝖺𝗇𝖽 𝗁𝖺𝗌 𝗌𝖺𝗂𝖽 𝗍𝗁𝗋𝖾𝖾 𝗅𝗂𝗇𝖾𝗌? 𝖼𝗅𝖾𝖺𝗋𝗅𝗒.

𝗂 𝖽𝗈𝗇'𝗍 𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗇 𝗁𝖺𝗏𝖾 𝖺 𝗌𝗁𝖾𝗅𝖿 𝖿𝗈𝗋 𝗍𝗁𝗂𝗌 𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝖻𝗎𝗍 𝗂 𝖿𝖾𝗅𝗍 𝗌𝗈 𝖼𝗈𝗆𝗉𝖾𝗅𝗅𝖾𝖽. 𝗂'𝗏𝖾 𝗇𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗐𝖺𝗇𝗍𝖾𝖽 𝗍𝗈 𝖻𝖾 𝗌𝗈 𝗆𝖺𝗇𝗁𝖺𝗇𝖽𝗅𝖾𝖽 (𝗋𝗂𝗉 𝗆𝗒 𝖿𝖾𝗆𝗂𝗇𝗂𝗌𝗆 𝗈𝗇𝖼𝖾 𝖺𝗀𝖺𝗂𝗇). 𝗐𝗁𝖺𝗍𝖾𝗏𝖾𝗋 𝗀𝖾𝗇𝗋𝖾 𝗈𝖿 𝗆𝖺𝗇 𝗁𝖾 𝗂𝗌, 𝗍𝗁𝖺𝗍'𝗌 𝗆𝗒 𝖿𝖺𝗏𝗈𝗎𝗋𝗂𝗍𝖾

╰┈➤ 𝘤𝘩𝘦𝘤𝘬 𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘣𝘰𝘰𝘬𝘴 𝘰𝘯 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘮𝘪𝘴𝘤𝘦𝘭𝘭𝘢𝘯𝘦𝘰𝘶𝘴 𝘴𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘧!

Parasite Eve

Q is for Question

When a patrol goes wrong, you realize you have to ask Joel the most important question of all…

Pairing: Joel Miller x Female Reader 

Warnings: Angst, gore-ish, feelings - so many feelings, mercy killings.  Additional Notes: Yes, the title is from Bring Me the Horizon lmao. Again, special thanks to my pal @detectivebarba for the idea. <3 If you'd like, recommended listening for this fic is Paralysed by Jamie Campbell Bower.

All it takes is a second.

One single second of you taking the wrong step, entering the wrong building, trusting the wrong person, and it’s over. You’ve always been careful, unstoppable. Today shouldn’t have been any different. After all, you were with Joel, the only person you truly trusted. And you were on the trail by the creek, the one you’re incredibly familiar with. It should have been easy like it always is. But all it took was one second. One. Stupid. Second.

It happened so fast that it felt like you were moving in slow motion. You rounded the corner while glimpsing back at Joel with a striking smile. And as soon as your eyes met, you felt it. A sharp pain in your shoulder that could have been prevented.

The feeling terrified you, but it was the look in Joel’s eyes that had you in tears. The joy within them died as horror took over, consuming his entire being, suffocating him as he pulled his gun from his holster and aimed it at the creature right behind you. He shot without hesitation, making you shake with uncertainty. And now, as he carries you back to Jackson, you can still hear the ringing in your ears.

Your mind clouds with a thousand and one thoughts, and you can’t hear Joel whispering positive affirmations in your ear. He’s holding you so tightly, but he sounds a million miles away. You can’t process anything he says to you. All you can do, really, is stare into his distressed hazel eyes, thinking about how beautiful they are; how beautiful he is. Something you should have told him more.

“Joel,” you say faintly, your trembling hands reaching for the collar of his shirt. “I…” You get cut off as the pain in your shoulder burns through your body. Your fingers clench against Joel’s chest as you wail out in agony. The sound is enough to crack Joel’s heart in half. He has to choke back his tears as he carries you home. He needs to be strong for you.

“It’s okay, baby girl,” he whispers, but you don’t hear it, too focused on the stinging that numbs you over. The way Joel holds you is unlike anything you’ve ever felt from another human before. It’s silly, but you feel safe. You feel protected even though you know there’s nothing he can do to save you.

Exhaustion hits you quickly. The adrenaline once pulsing through your veins has ceased, leaving you nothing but a drained shell of a person. Because of this, you can feel yourself dozing off in Joel’s arms. His voice is delicate and soothing, lulling you to sleep as his body heat seeps through his clothes and yours, alleviating your nerves.

When you come to, you find yourself in Joel’s bed. The wound on your shoulder has been cleaned and bandaged and Joel sits in the bed next to you, carefully playing with your hair. His face holds such adoration, but the smile on his lips is somber.

“Joel,” your voice cracks as you push yourself up. He frets over you in an instant, attempting to force you back down, keeping you safe and warm under the blankets where nothing can hurt you.

“Hey, what are you doin’?” He questions quietly, large hands gently grabbing you by the arms to keep you still. “You need to rest. Don’t get up. Whatever you need, I can get it for you,” he tells you with worry.

You sigh and reach a hand out to him, lacing your fingers affectionately. His body melts at your touch and you can hear his breathing pick up. Looking at him, you can see the tears threatening to break and cascade down his face. Oh, if he only knew the way you love him. The way you’ll always love him. If that was enough to save you, to save him…

“I don’t need anything,” you whisper, holding his hand. “I just wanted to tell you--”

“You don’t need to tell me anything,” he grunts, squeezing your fingers between his. “You’re fine,” he scoffs, swallowing down the lump in his throat, ignoring the vicious burn. “You…you’re perfect,” he says.

“Joel, please,” you croak, feeling your own heart shatter. He’s so stubborn, you know he’s trying to be brave. He’s in denial. But you have to say your piece before it’s too late. He needs to hear your words. They’ll be all he has left. “I have to.”

He shakes his head, turning away from you, the pain in his chest flaring through the cracks and sticking to him like glue. “Baby,” he warns, the shaking in his voice is prevalent, making it that much harder.

“I love you,” you tell him. “I love you so much. You have no idea.” Your lip trembles as warm tears spill down your cheeks. “You saved me in so many ways, Joel. And I will never be able to repay you for that, but I need you to know that I love you. That I love you now, and I will love you forever. In this life and the next.”

“Stop,” he warns again, but you see the dam begin to crumble. It’s going to hurt. Saying goodbye to him is going to hurt more than any of the pain you’ve experienced in this shitty world. But you have to while you still can. Before you lose your mind.

Ignoring his protests, you sit up in his bed, wincing at the soreness in your shoulder. He watches you with fearful eyes. But you push him back against the headboard and crawl into his lap. His arms wrap around you in an instant, holding you as close as he can, leaving zero space between your warm bodies.

“This is no one’s fault,” you say clearly. “Accidents happen. Luck can’t last forever.” Joel’s arms stiffen, his bone-crushing strength taking over as you speak the words he does not want to hear. “You can’t go back to your old ways, Joel, okay?” You weep as you think of past Joel and the loss he’s suffered. You’ll be damned if he turns into that man again. “Ellie needs you. Tommy needs you. This town needs you. Please don’t lose yourself.”

“I’m fine,” he mumbles, heart beating rapidly, you can feel the vibrations against your own. His hot breath crashes over your face, his plump lips pursed and face stoic. “I’m fine because you’re fine,” he shrugs as if it’s just a scratch. “You’re fine,” he repeats.

Maybe it’s because you never expected to last this long in this world, but you’ve accepted your fate quickly. You know what’s going to happen. In three days, you’ll be gone. You will be gone. And you know that.

But Joel refuses to accept that right now. He just can’t. You can’t leave him. How is he supposed to live without you?

“I’m not,” you tell him, closing your eyes as you feel him brush over the bandage on your shoulder. “And I need… I need to ask you a question, Joel.”

“No,” he says quickly, harshly, shooting down your thoughts before you can even express them. He leans forward and presses a kiss to your wound, pretending it’s nothing. “Please.”

You know he’s in denial. And you know that if he keeps this up, he’ll never recover. But it’s still the first day. So you keep quiet and let Joel have this one. You don’t have the energy to argue, anyway.

He tilts his head to kiss you, and you jump back, keeping him at a distance. His forehead creases, looking at you with a pout. “Don’t,” you tell him.

“Let me fucking kiss you,” he demands. He grabs your chin, tugging you closer, but you wiggle away. You’re afraid. You don’t know how this works. What if you infect him with a silly kiss? No, that’s not an option. But Joel won’t hear your protests. “I want to risk it,” he urges. “I’m not going to spend this time without kissing you. Are you insane?”

You want to fight him. Tell him you can’t put him in that position. But with the way he’s looking at you, silently begging for you to give yourself to him, you find that you cannot say no.

“Okay,” you whisper, kissing his lips softly. He lets out a long sigh, kissing you back, his hands reaching up, fisting handfuls of your hair to keep you as close as possible. His lips shake as he kisses you like his life depends on it, like it’ll be the last time he gets to taste you. Your chest feels heavy as he whimpers against you.

You’ll miss these lips. You’ll miss his hands and the way they hold you. You’ll miss his voice and the sounds he makes. His face, his humor, his love…fuck, you’ll miss it all. So you have to savor every last second with him, every touch, every word.

That night, you don’t talk much. You let your bodies say what your words can’t. And when you’re done, you hold each other close. Ignoring the pain for the time being.

The next morning when you wake up, you’re surprised Joel isn’t beside you. For a second, you think maybe you’ve been stuck in a wicked nightmare. But then you shift around in the bed and place your feet on the cold floor. The aches flood through your limbs to your bones, and you glance over to your shoulder. The bandage is still there, glaring at you, mocking you.

“Joel?” You call out into the empty room. Your body feels stiff as you stand, sore joints pulsing with each move you make. You grab Joel’s sweatshirt from the chair beside the bed and slip it on to keep you warm. You pad out of the room, down the stairs, calling out for him again. “Joel? Are you here?”

The house is eerily quiet as you search the rooms for your love, sadness washing over you at the thought of him leaving you alone. With what little time you have together, you’d think he’d want to spend every minute at your side. But maybe he’s that deeply in refusal. The thought eats away at you until you hear the back door open and close.

Relieved, you scurry to the back of the house and peer around the corner and down the hall at the noise. Your worries fade as Joel’s face comes into view. He smiles at you, slipping off his boots and leaving them by the door before crossing to where you wait.

“Good morning, darlin’,” he coos, grabbing your face in his hands. He kisses your nose, then your cheeks, then your lips. “How are you feeling?” He asks. “Did you sleep okay? You were out for a while. I wanted to be back before you woke up. I went to the greenhouse to grab some fresh fruit. Thought I’d make us a nice breakfast.”

“I’m okay,” you say, being as truthful as you can be. You don’t look great, and you feel sick. But all things considered, you’re okay. “I mean, as okay as I can be,” you add.

“That’s good,” Joel nods, ignoring the worried look on your face. There’s no time for that. It’s day two. And although he’s done a pretty good job of denying your fate, he still wants to make the most of your time together. So he acts like everything is normal. For his sake, and yours. “Are you hungry?”

To be honest, you’re not sure how to answer that question. You don’t necessarily have hunger pains, but you have discomfort. You’re not sure how eating would go over, but for Joel, you’re willing to try. He went through the effort to plan a nice breakfast for you two. You have to accept. You want to.

“Sure,” you smile, stepping into him and sliding your arms around his middle. You hug him tight, the knots in your stomach coming undone as you feel safe in his grasp. He smiles at your snuggles, kissing the top of your head, holding you close. You feel so good in his arms. Fuck, you fit him so well.

He could hold you forever - he would. No one will ever take your place. You’re it for him.

Before he lets his emotions get the best of him, he untangles his arms from you and heads towards the kitchen. He has to keep himself together as he pulls out ingredients he can use to make some type of pancakes. Your favorite food.

It’s quiet as he gets to work, both of you afraid to break the silence. There’s so much to say, but you don’t dare to start. And Joel doesn’t have the capacity to listen. It’s like when a pet is sick, and you know the time has come to put them down. The best - sometimes only - friend you’ve ever had has to leave you. So you spend their last few moments spoiling them, showing them how much you’re going to miss them.

Joel refuses to acknowledge it, but it’s eating away at him. If he can pretend hard enough, maybe it’ll come true. Maybe you’ll wake up tomorrow and be all better. Maybe a miracle will happen and you’ll turn out just like Ellie… Wouldn’t that be funny?

He chances looking at you, stomach dropping as he sees how fragile you are. Your skin is already paling, color draining from your lips, eyes dull. A stark contrast to how vibrant you usually are, always lighting up a room with your smile, bringing joy to everyone with your laugh. It’s not you. You aren’t…you.

This house, he thinks as he looks around, is too big for just him. How is he supposed to stay here when you’re gone? Living in the darkness, in the empty shadows of you. You and Ellie, you are his reason for breathing. How will he carry on when part of him dies?

His throat tightens as the thought passes. Images of Sarah dying in his arms resurface, flashbacks of that horrific night present themselves like a familiar movie. He can’t pause, he can’t stop it. They come at him in bursts until his fingers are shaking.

“Joel,” you whisper, gingerly wrapping your weak hand around his wrist. He doesn’t waste a second, turning around and throwing himself into your arms. You gasp, bringing your hands to rest against his back and pulling him into you.

He's such a great, powerful man, you can barely hold him together. But he buries his face in your neck, his beard tickling the sensitive skin. And you embrace him harder, digging your fingers into his shoulder blades. You bite your lip to hold in your screams, but fuck, it’s killing you.

“I love you,” you hear him whisper, his warm lips kiss up your neck, desperate and feverish. He pulls back just enough so that his forehead presses against yours, taking your hands in his, and bringing them to his lips. He kisses your fingers, your knuckles, before placing them over his heart. His eyes glisten as they peer into yours. “I love you,” he repeats.

You nod, softening at his touch. His long fingers brush away the tears that stream down your face before cupping your cheeks in his hands and kissing your lips. It’s just as passionate as the first time he kissed you, and just as meaningful as all the ones since.

“I’m always going to be here,” you tell him, knocking your hand upon his chest. “When you’re asleep, you’ll find me waiting for you. Whenever you feel alone, I’ll be around. Until we meet again, yeah?”

“Please don’t leave me,” he mewls in a voice so faint you think you’re hallucinating. “I can’t do this without you,” he admits solemnly.

“You can,” you say softly. “You’ve done it before and you can do it again.”

“Baby,” he whines, grabbing fistfuls of your clothes, bringing you into him. You aren’t close enough. He won’t be satisfied until you’re attached to him.

“I have to ask it, Joel,” you start, but he literally growls and pulls you back harshly. You frown at his anguish, knowing this is the last thing he wants to discuss, but holy shit, you need it. If he loves you at all, he’ll let you ask this fucking question. “Please, just listen to me, damn it!”

He’s taken aback by your outburst, and guilt settles within his gut. He doesn’t mean to make this harder for you, and maybe he’s being selfish, but you’re the fucking love of his life, his best friend, his person. What you’re about to ask of him is dreadful.

“I’m not going to turn into one of those fucking things,” you say sharply. “I won’t, Joel. And as someone you love, you have to make sure I don’t. Okay? Don’t let that happen to me! Please, please?” Your breathing picks up and Joel sees you’re on the verge of a panic attack. Fuck, did he cause this? This is the last thing you need.

“Shhh,” Joel coos as he sweeps your hair out of your face. “I’m sorry, baby girl. I’m sorry.” He inwardly curses himself for getting you worked up, putting you through more unnecessary pain. “I… I’ll do it…” he says, but it’s unconvincing. It’s just so you’ll shut up and stop talking about it.

For now, it’s good enough. It’s still early, and Joel has your whole day planned. You want to enjoy whatever he has for you and not fight.

So you let him make you your favorite breakfast. He makes a mixed fruit salad and squeezes you fresh juice. Because it’s what you deserve.

You eat together with Joel taking the time to feed you a few bites before you can’t contain your giggles anymore. He does everything he can to keep you smiling. And he talks to you as if nothing is wrong. As if you’ll be just fine. He treats it like any other day.

After you eat, you walk through Jackson hand-in-hand. He lets you say your goodbyes, mortifying Tommy and Maria, breaking Ellie’s heart. It’s a struggle to get away from them, as they don’t want to let you go. But they can see how much Joel needs you. And they won’t get in the way.

When you’ve said what you wanted to say and done the things you’ve wanted to do, Joel leads you back to your favorite place behind the walls. A giant oak tree you frequently visit to enjoy the sunshine and the sounds or to sit under when you want to read in solitude. It’s the place where Joel first kissed you, where he told you about his daughter, where you told him you loved him.

It’s the perfect place for you to rest. And Joel joins you, his back against the bark while you relax in his arms. He sings you your favorite songs and kisses your face when you shiver in pain. He lightly brushes over your bandage, repeating to himself that it’s just a scratch.

You’re so beautiful. The sun shines through your hair, casting a golden glow over your silky strands. He loves to just run his fingers through your hair, feeling the soft tresses slip through his fingertips, hearing you moan as he touches you. It’s one of his favorite things.

And the way you look right now frightens him. But fuck, you’re still the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen. Your plush lips still put him in a trance as you speak. And when you blink your eyes and look up at him through fluttering lashes, his heart flutters. How can you just leave him like this?

“Christ, I need to finish teaching you how to play the guitar…” He mutters as this realization hits him. “I should run back and grab it, or find Ellie’s.” He’s frantic as he thinks about the things you still have to achieve. He should have made more time for you.

“Relax,” you breathe, placing your palms over his thighs. He stops fidgeting when you touch him, doing whatever you say. “You’ve taught me well,” you chuckle lightly. “I could probably play an entire song now. Even better than you.”

“Is that so?” He snorts, his deep voice sending goosebumps down your spine. “Alright, pretty girl. Tell me what song you’d play?”

“Crystal by Stevie Nicks,” you say proudly, turning your head to smile at him. For a second, your vision gets fuzzy, Joel’s face distorting into unfamiliar shapes, and panic sets in. But the feeling fades as you blink away the stinging sensation. His gorgeous features come back into view.

It’s starting, you think. You want to distance yourself from Joel, but you know he won’t have it. No more kissing, though. That’s for sure.

“Something on your mind, sweetheart?” He asks tenderly, noticing your quick shift in emotions. “Are you feeling okay?”

“I’m just tired,” you mutter, closing your eyes when the burning sensation returns to them. You shake your head and lean into the man behind you, mentally trying to calm yourself down. “And I’m feeling a little warm,” you sigh.

Frowning, Joel brings his hand up, placing the back of it to your forehead. He almost jolts away at how strikingly hot you are. You’re sweaty, shaking, and his stomach turns. “Maybe we should head back inside,” he says.

“Okay,” you whisper, unable to argue. You let Joel lift you up, carrying you back to the house bridal style. Your pretty eyes flutter open and closed and he tries to keep up a strong front. But god, he’s ready to break. “Love you,” you mumble sluggishly through chapped lips.

“I love you,” Joel chokes out, clenching his jaw so he doesn’t give away his worries.

He makes it back to the house, carrying you upstairs and placing you safely in the bed. He’s attentive, bringing you water and cold cloths for your fever. He doesn’t sleep at all that night.

“You have to do it, Joel,” you whimper as you cry. The gun in your quivering hand taunts him, pleading with him to end your life. “I can’t turn,” you reiterate. “If you won’t do it…”

“Baby,” Joel grabs the hand holding the gun, pushing it down to your side. His eyes are red and puffy, twitching from the worry and lack of sleep. The misery in your face says it all, but how can he do it? How can he just fucking put you down? “Darlin’, I--”

“You promised me,” you hiss, shoving the gun into his chest. “You swore to me at the very beginning, that if something ever happened… You would do this for me. And I would do it for you!”

“I don’t want to!” Joel shouts as he grabs the gun. He waves it around maniacally, scaring you a little bit. You’re the one losing your mind, but he’s not faring well, either. “I can’t!”

You stare down each other, standing beneath your favorite oak tree. His chest rises and falls rapidly, anger and fear surging through his veins. You won’t even let him kiss you. He tried this morning, and you pushed him away. He went to check your bandage and the view of your skin, all red and black, crushed him. He has to pull himself out of that fantasy bubble now. Because this is it.

“You think I want this?” You speak softly. Your tenacious facade has finally withered. Your voice cracks as you cross to him, grabbing his handsome face in your hands. “I don’t want to die, Joel. I want to stay here with you. I love you!” You sob, curling your body into him. “I love you, I love you. I don’t want to leave you!”

“Fuck, baby girl,” Joel groans. His sturdy arms cover you, holding your small frame against him. He looks behind you, his heart sinking at the carved out initials in the tree bark. You did that this morning when you got back from the creek. Well, with your frail hands, Joel did it. You just told him what to write.

You look at him through your tears, laughing a little at how he probably looks just as distraught as you. You carefully touch his face, running your fingers over his scars one last time. The sickness within you is almost overwhelming. It’s time. It has to be.

“Joel,” you whisper. That question that’s been on the tip of your tongue rolls off with ease now that you can feel yourself deteriorate. “Will you end this? Kill me.”

Loud cries escape his throat and he clutches the gun until he can feel the coldness of it dig into his palm. His lips kiss you all over your face, whispering over and over how much he loves you. But you know this. Joel’s never been a man to show his emotions. But you’ve always known by his actions. And now, when he’s telling you that he wishes he would have said it more, you just have to assure him that it’s okay.

“I wish we had more time,” he gasps between broken sobs.

“Me too,” you mourn.

He places the cold metal to your temple, groans convulsing through his body. You can hear his whimpers, feel the unsteady beating of his heart. His arm holds you so tightly, it’s the only thing that’s calming your crazed brain. The gun cocks and you close your eyes, exhaling your final breaths. A serene emotion sweeps over you. And the last thing you hear in this cruel world is Joel’s loving voice.

“Sleep well, darling,” he sobs. “Find Sarah for me.”

Masterlist

Joel Miller Taglist: @swtaura - @chxpsi - @extraneous-trip - @cerebellam - @tiredbeebo - @kirsteng42 - @trickstersp8 - @detectivebarba