Scary? My God, You're Divine.

Scary? My god, you're divine.

- Lana Del Rey.

I guess i have a type mental disorder

Husband MATERIAL

the evans and how would they call 'sex'? like, if they would call it 'make love' or 'boing bang'?😭 i luv ur writing btw ur my favorite! <3

𝜗ϱ ┆HOW THEY CALL “SEX” .ᐟ

── THE EVANs ‧ h e a d c a n o n s ೃ࿐

ft. tate ‧ kit ‧ jimmy ‧ james ‧ kai ‧ kyle ‧ austin ‧ peter ‧ warren

⟣ TAGS ‧ NSFW | gn! reader | not proofread

a/n: ngl i laughed at “boing bang” for a whole minute because i have the mentality of a 13 year old

ೃ࿐

⟢ 𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐄 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐃𝐎𝐍.

“fuck”

“screw”

“bang”

he’s a teenager. i doubt his vocabulary about sex would be that expansive

⟢ 𝐊𝐈𝐓 𝐖𝐀𝐋𝐊𝐄𝐑.

“make love”

“have sex”

“do it”

“lock the door”

code word for when the kids are around

⟢ 𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐌𝐘 𝐃𝐀𝐑𝐋𝐈𝐍𝐆.

“putting the bread in the oven”

“screw”

“fuck”

“get naked”

“get down and dirty”

“take a trip to pound town”

“upholster that sweet pussy”

it gets progressively dirtier when he’s drunk

⟢ 𝐉𝐀𝐌𝐄𝐒 𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐑𝐈𝐂𝐊 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐂𝐇.

“having relations”

“make love”

“fornicate”

“get intimate”

“do the deed of darkness”

“to know someone in the biblical sense”

in a way that mocks the bible of course..

⟢ 𝐊𝐀𝐈 𝐀𝐍𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐎𝐍.

“fuck”

“breed”

“conceive a messiah”

“hit the upvote button”

reddit reference in case you don’t get it

“do it like they do it on the discovery channel”

“bend them over a barrel and show them the fifty states”

i remember this quote from “horrible bosses.” it basically means you’re going to bend that bitch over, stick it in and make her see stars. lmao sorry-

⟢ pre death .ᐟ 𝐊𝐘𝐋𝐄 𝐒𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐂𝐄𝐑.

“getting laid”

“hook up”

“getting some”

“netflix and chill”

⟢ 𝐀𝐔𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐍 𝐒𝐎𝐌𝐌𝐄𝐑𝐒.

“fuck”

“carnal knowledge”

“sexy time”

“bone / boning”

“get naughty”

“a bit of the old cunning linguistics”

“the beast with two backs”

spoken by none other than the great william shakespeare ( those who know me say that i have a shakespeare fetish.. and they’re right.)

⟢ 𝐏𝐄𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐌𝐀𝐗𝐈𝐌𝐎𝐅𝐅.

“getting laid”

“getting some”

“hot yoga”

“making a blanket monster”

“bedroom rodeo”

“do the dance with no pants”

sheldon cooper you are a gold mine of wise words

“bang bang bangity bang”

from “how i met your mother”(?) i’m not sure

⟢ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍 𝐋𝐈𝐏𝐊𝐀.

“fuck”

“hook up”

“screw”

“bang”

“tapping ass”

“getting laid”

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RELEASE. THE. JPM. FANFICS. IN. YOUR. DRAFTS.

woah... is this a threat..? I AM TRYING ANON. JAMES WILL NEVER BE FORGOTTEN.