Waschbaerchen33 - Unbetitelt - Tumblr Blog

Reading amazing fanfiction, then forgetting to bookmark it

I was thinking about the whole “Humans are space orcs thing” and I got an idea.

Imagine than in far future, humans are part of some king of intergalactic union with other species, but other species only became advanced enough for space travel after they kind of “outgrown” the “animal part” of their brain. You know they became these highly intelligent very rational beings. And they put their effort to creating better tech after that.

While humans got to the same level just by their sheer stubbornness (you know, our need to figure out if we could and not if we should). Like we just kept going and somehow got to the same level as these other beings.

Humans would be the only intergalactic species that can go insane very easily, that is at war with other people of their own species, Earth is the only “advanced planet” where irrational violent crimes still happen, where people are able to hurt eachother over the smallest things.

So (from the aliens POV) you would have this odd little fella, who’s as intelligent as you are but the second he doesn’t get good sleep all of his intelligence seemingly disappears and he looks like he’s ready to shoot everyone on the space ship and then himself.

But it would probably also mean that humans have the best art. Because they still have their impulses and deep desires that don’t make sense. Since art can’t be made completely rationally. (Or at least great art imo, you still need the emotions in that to make it stand out.)

So I imagine this alien on a mission with their human copilot and the alien is constantly asking the human to connect his fkin Spotify to the space ship speakers cos they really want to listen to fkin Rasputin from Boney M.

Humans entering space and realizing we are so small. We are mice compared to these giant races with their advanced machinery and technologies and experiences beyond us- except that we're humans. And our engineers dive into the new tech and once we learn the principles we also soon realize how Inefficient everything is. Their "microchips" are the size of cars, their storage drives are basically buildings, and they somehow store less data than ours. So, human companies take advantage, and tech starts rolling out. Massive and there's a lot of wasted space so that it can be managed with larger hands/pincers/claws/tentacles, but also so much more efficient than anything the galaxy has seen before.

Human technicians start hopping ships and upkeeping the general maintenance, the stuff that most aliens put off or don't notice because they never access the crevices of their ships. As human companies become more popular and lead the tech world in everything from warp cores to game stations ("it's so compact! How are the graphics so good?" Says a 60' tall grimbleback, holding a new VR headset that has all of its components included because it's so BIG by our tech standards), soon many things have accessibility ports for humans to be able to use as well. This means that these shiprats hoping ship to ship cause such a huge improvement in everything running smoothly, and there's a huge downtick in pests on ships because those "pests" are not only big enough and aggressive enough to bite a pitbull or a person in half, they're invasive to so many planets and humans hate nothing more than dog killing planet overrunning monsters.

All the while, from the Aliens perspective, humans are an elusive race that don't fraternize much with them. You almost never see a human as most places aren't exactly safe for the little things to run around in. They do export so much stuff though, and the custodial staff at the Central Galactic Outpost insists that there's more humans around than any other race if you just know where to look.

And sure it's somewhat known that some of the little daredevils hop ships and help out in exchange for room and board, usually without permission, but that can't be that common, can it?

Maybe your ship is running better this cycle ever since you stopped at the last station, that just means that tuneup was better than you thought. And maybe for some reason that program you were working on last night is finished when you wake up, but you're so tired maybe you finished it before you passed out. Somehow that faulty light in the galley has fixed itself as well, which is odd, but maybe the Engineer finally got to it. You'd know if there was someone else on your ship.

Right?

... You leave a little bowl of berries out as a thank you, just in case. You're not sure what humans like but you've heard they have a sweet tooth.

ao3 users orphan_account and anonymous sure have some really banger fics ngl

you know there actually is a meaningful difference between 'men's' and 'women's' deodorant beyond the selection of scents. 'mens' plays better with pit hair and doesn't pill up in it and 'womens' tends to have a more powdery finish to help prevent chafing. so really the two genders are actually hairy and bald.

I am whatever gender has the shortest line at the bathroom

Sitting in the cuck chair watching the couple fuck but I've got a notepad and I'm writing furiously. Gotta take so many notes.

i think we should all start using arabic words and phrases more often because its a beautiful language and also theres not really. english equivalents that have the same vibes

theres also the comedy potential of it. you guys dont know the joy of having your muslim friend text you "hopefully the racists in our city will all get sick and cant go to the protest" and you, as a pasty white guy, responding with "inshallah they get covid"

its a one hit KO every time. its fucking hilarious. theres no english word that has the same effect.

he also once texted me that he got over a mysterious illness he came down with (i think? i cant remember the exact context) and i responded with "subhanallah he is cured"

again, one hit KO. he lost his shit.

what im saying is we gotta normalise arabic. its just a language like any other, and it has some great words. its just like saying "thank god" or whatever, but theres so much variety and nuance. its beautiful

"This fic was ai generated—" Cool, so lemme block you real quick

Just a heads up right now: on the day when Trump dies, I’m going to be extremely tasteless about it. It’s going to get ugly. You are going to see a side of me I am not proud of. I don’t want any call-outs in my inbox, I’m stating right now that lines will be crossed.

Story idea that I still think would be funny:

A world where like 1% of the population is randomly born with some sort of superhuman or supernatural powers, but every culture forms their own, wholly different ideas about the concept. Americans have their superhero thing with costumes and code names, and are genuinely shocked that nobody else does that. The japanese language already has a whole classification system for different 'types' of superpowers, and also a specific term for an individual whose power cannot be fit into any specific class. This information is written onto on one's passport.

The french have no set vocabulary for any of this, and the same expressions are used for saying that someone is delightful company to be around, or talented in an art form or musical instrument, and to describe a person who can control electricity with their mind or turn any metal into a liquid. It depends on context clues and the tone of one's voice.

And somewhere in rural Georgia there is a guy who could just pick up a truck and throw it on the opposite side of a lake. The locals of his home region know that they can always come to Nikoloz if there's a cow or a piece of farm equipment stuck somewhere that cannot be moved by human strength alone. He'll help, and then go back home to feed his chickens. He could do a lot more with this power, but he doesn't want to, and if you suggest this to him, he will yeet you as well.

there’s no way

It occurs to me that there are people who weren’t on this website in 2012 and therefore never saw the magical gif that you can actually hear:

It’s been over five years and that still impresses the hell out of me.

“average person eats 3 spiders a year” factoid actualy just statistical error. average person eats 0 spiders per year. Spiders Georg, who lives in cave & eats over 10,000 each day, is an outlier adn should not have been counted

My boyfriend just woke up, mostly still asleep and told me “don’t worry, it’s getting better” in a heavy, American accent, which is unusual for an Australian man.

“Why are you American?” I asked, to which I got:

“Sorry, it’s getting better” in a stereotypical posh English accent.

“Why are you English?” I asked, amused.

“What is he normally?” He managed to ask.

“He? You’re not anyone else, you’re you.”

“Ugh, me” was the last thing he said, in a right proper Aussie accent before he fell back into proper sleep.

hold on a fucking second. delaware is a state?? i thought it was a river? or is the river more important than the state? why don't i know this? (i should mention i don't like in america, i'm just confused)

there is delaware (state) and delaware (river) 

both are equally strange

the state is a tiny little cryptid thing

the rive is a monster that spans new york, pennsylvania, new jersey and delaware. also washington crossed it once and that was like kinda a big deal i guess. like crossing the rubicon in rome.

the state tries to me more important with its “im the first state!!!” bs (seriously its even on the fucking license plates) but we all know. its the river.

reblog to cast level 5 spell: everyone who reads this gets a full night sleep

Humans are Weird: Caution and Lack Thereof.

Humans are not incredibly “tough” insofar as physical makeup goes in this universe, but humans ARE known for stubbornness/tenacity/whatever-you-want-to-call-it, and general acceptance of their bad decision-making abilities, which calls for measures to keep their unwieldy meat-sacks mostly alive and generally functioning.  When any of another species boards Human transports, they are always blown away by the safety precautions posted everywhere, the failsafes, the evacuation maps tucked everywhere, the plethora of escape pods and emergency buoys, life support systems and backup life support systems... not that the rest of the galaxies don't have safety measures and emergency failsafes, but they don't have as many as Humanity seems to have agreed on putting literally everywhere. Which is a bit odd when one takes into consideration that their vessels are literally pressurized vessels propelled by controlled explosions, the destruction of matter, or literal world-killing substances that are pressurized and used for fuel. Humans will hurl themselves into space using some of the most dangerous methods logged in the history of the universe, to the great endangerment of their lives and those in proximity of their craft if some system fails...

...but they have also planned for and created multiple options for continued survival should any thing indeed go wrong, along a wide variety of potential catastrophes.

To every science-oriented, non-Terran species in the galaxy, this “will to live” and “radiation of dumbass” is an ongoing study. Mainly because the humans keep spreading, and nobody knows just what to do with them.