(Un)natural Instincts (Part 8)

(Un)natural Instincts (Part 8)

*Series taglist is closed.

angst, fluff, smut

Pairings: OT7 x Reader, Human CEO Reader, Human Assistant Yoongi, Wolf Hybrids Joon, Jin, Hobi, Jimin, Tae, and Kook.

Basic premise: You and your assistant end up rescuing six wolf hybrids. No part of the process is easy.

Part 1 > Part 2 > Part 3 > Part 4 > Part 5 > Part 6 > Part 7 > Part 8

General Warnings: Hybrid abuse and lab experimentation, hybrids as second-class citizens/owned property (Minors DNI, 18+ content)

Specific Warnings: pretty mild smut with references to past group sex (consensual), sexual aversion due to past trauma, ptsd, panic attack

____

Jimin makes his way through the maze of a house, scent-tracking locked on the youngest caretaker hybrid until he’s led right to the door. He knocks softly, waiting for Taehyung's permission. Jimin looks at the scene, first in awe at what his packmate is capable of, but following with concern immediately after.

“That looks incredible, Tae.”

Taehyung says nothing, simply locked in on what he’s creating.

“But is it alright for you to be doing this? Your knuckles, aren’t they still healing?”

The hybrid winces at the mention of his knuckles.

“They’re fine” is all he mutters under his breath. His knuckles were almost healed by now, thanks to you insisting on bandaging them up on his first day. The wolf had also started eating meals on his own again, but it was hard for others to tell if the wounds were healing when they’ve been hidden under bandages for so long—making his pack unsure if he was actually in less pain or just trying not to show it.

It was a primary concern Namjoon had, one that would have kept him from sharing this idea with Taehyung at all. Namjoon knows better than anyone how Taehyung thinks, how defensive he would get at the mention of his knuckles at that moment. The last thing the young hybrid would want is another reminder of a time he messed up—another time he couldn’t measure up to his caretaking duties the way the other two do. The Alpha had to be crafty in his earlier check-in:

“Hi Tae,” he looks down past the hybrid’s face, “oof, let me see those hands.”

Taehyung shamefully puts his hands up for his Alpha to take in,

“I told you biting your claws isn’t a good habit.”

He had taken the wolf’s hands under the guise of checking his over-bitten fingernails, grazing his knuckles with just enough pressure to make Taehyung squirm if he was actually in pain. It’s only when his pup didn’t show any sign of hurt did the Alpha propose his plan. Ever so tactfully.

And if their Alpha was in the room right now, he’d no doubt glare at Jimin, before changing the conversation. But Namjoon is out on his walk, and Jimin doesn’t know any better.

“Are you sure? Can I see under the banda—”

“I said it was fine. I know how to take care of myself hyung.” The annoyance in his tone clear as day.

Jimin shrinks, not understanding why his gesture of concern is being met with such hostility.

“I just want to make sure they’re healing properly.”

Taehyung turns around to face his packmate, eyes mirthless, “Knuckle strikes stop hurting by the sixth day, but you wouldn’t know that, would you? You’ve never been the one who gets hit. Now, if you could leave, that’d be great. I need to finish this.”

Jimin closes the door with pursed lips, unable to say much. It didn’t go unnoticed that Taehyung was slowly putting a distance between them (and Jin) ever since the orange juice fiasco, but to explicitly hear something so close to “fuck off” was jarring. Although the pack was close before the lab, it was Jimin and Taehyung who were always a little closer to each other. They were the ones getting scolded together, bickering over the dumbest things, and cuddling the closest at night—the others would say that the two had a bond more inseparable than a pack bond. But all that changed during training. Instead of both getting scolded by their Alpha for some mischievous prank gone wrong, it was now only Taehyung getting punished. And this time not with Namjoon’s stern words, but with strangers in white coats picking him apart mentally and physically, until the only thing he could do was wail against the cold floors of the time-out rooms.

Jimin would try to teach him, would spend hours helping Taehyung understand how to properly hold a kitchen knife or cradle a bundle-of-blankets as a makeshift baby. But there was no improvement, his clumsiness and boyish nature would always get in the way of training. There was only so much the two older ones could do to help, especially when their pup would get frustrated quickly and give up until the researchers came to dish out punishment. It would hurt, watching him get tortured over and over again, but at some point, the hormones shifted their priorities, making them turn a blind eye—just as everyone did with Hoseok’s food portions.

Jimin knows it’s selfish to act like him and Taehyung are still the same inseparable pair, to approach him with contrived obliviousness, but he can’t help it. It’s easier to think this way. To think they are still strong in their love for each other.

“You okay?” The voice almost causes Jimin to jump back, before seeing the source.

Yoongi, with furrowed brows as he looks into the hybrid’s glossy eyes. Jimin doesn’t even notice that he’s tearing up, hands intervening quickly to wipe them away.

“Yeah.” He doesn’t stay around for conversation, hurrying away to the hybrid room.

It’s just as Jimin’s walking away that Jungkook comes into view. He only saw the last second of the interaction, with Jimin wiping away his tears, but he gathers everything he needs to know.

“What did you say to Jimin hyung?” The tone is accusatory, causing Yoongi to put his hands up in defense.

“I didn’t say anything.”

“I don’t believe you. You seem good at making people cry.”

Ouch.

Yoongi may be human and he may be your guest, but Jungkook doesn’t see why he has to keep being obedient and polite to someone his owner isn’t even on good terms with. Still, it’s the first time since after training that he’s talked to a human with such an attitude, and he himself is caught by surprise. It’s ever so slight, but still a peek into his old self—the wild Jungkook with a sharp tongue and bristling personality.

“Okay, I deserve that, but he came out of that room and started crying. I don’t know what happened.”

Jungkook eyes the door, heightening his senses and focusing. Taehyung’s sour scent emanates strong enough for the wolf to put the pieces together. It’s not the first time Taehyung and Jimin’s scents started souring around each other, but it’s a topic Jungkook doesn’t dare touch with a ten-foot pole.

“Sorry” he mumbles.

___

Jimin doesn’t get to cry into the bed like he was hoping to—because there’s already someone else crying there.

“Hyung?” It’s a soft whisper, but it prompts Hoseok to look up with puffy red eyes. He doesn’t try to hide the tears as Jimin comes closer. Jimin situates himself under the blanket, keeping a small gap between the two bodies.

“Hyung, talk to me please” it’s as much of a plea for Hoseok’s sake as it is for his own, not thinking he can handle being turned away from two of his packmates in a row.

Luckily, Hoseok doesn’t snap at him or push him away, instead staring with imploring eyes. Your words ring in his mind.

Hoseok, no more lying. Whatever’s on your mind, you have to be honest and let us help you.

Whether or not you meant it as one, it’s a command to him.

“I can’t stop thinking about the stuff they made me do at the lab. It’s like every five minutes my mind goes back there again. Before, I could just disassociate and jam it all into one part of my brain, but that’s getting harder to do ever since the collar came off. Now every time I even blink, I think about those people…how they would use me…and I feel so dirty Jimin. I try to scrub it all off in the shower, the feeling of filth, but no matter how hard I scrub, it doesn’t go away.”

Jimin doesn’t respond—doesn’t know how to respond. Instead, he opens up his arms, slightly reaching out but still not touching the older wolf, just in case he doesn’t want it. But Hoseok’s quick to roll into his packmate’s arms, pressing his head against the brunette’s chest as his hands come to hold him tight. Jimin feels his shirt getting soaked through, tears staining the light blue cotton. The two stay intertwined for a moment, with Jimin’s hands massaging through Hoseok’s hair until the crying turns into soft sniffles. It’s then when Hoseok pulls slightly away, making eye contact with Jimin, with an expression the younger wolf can’t quite read.

“You…you can fix me.”

Jimin’s face contorts in surprise, but Hoseok stands firm in his statement.

Of course. Why didn’t I think of this sooner? If anyone can help me, it’s Jimin.

Jimin, who, before all the training and experiments, had the biggest appetite for sexual intimacy. The one who would cling onto each packmate and beg to feel them every chance he got, make their good days better and bad days bearable—all with lustful words and sensual touches.

“You can make me forget them…can replace those memories. If anyone can remind me how good it feels to be touched again, it’s you.”

Jimin looks into Hoseok’s eyes, seeing more hope than he has for a while.

Is it really that simple?

Jimin thinks back to pre-lab days, when that is exactly how he would console his hyung. There’s been many days when Jimin’s eagerly used his body to dull down Hoseok’s anxious scent…is it really no different this time, even after everything?

“We can try” Jimin concludes, untangling himself from Hoseok to lock the door, not wanting any interruptions if this is to be done right.

He dips back into the bed, gently pulling his hyung to sit up, until he can comfortably sit on his lap. It’s all a little rusty to Jimin, who’s had his mind focused too much homemaking to feel sexy in a while, but he’s hoping it’ll come back to him.

“You have to stop me if it gets too much. Promise?”

Hoseok nods, but Jimin makes him say it out loud before diving in for the first kiss.

The kiss feels novel, with both of them chasing after the other’s soft lips. It’s not long before it turns hungry and deep—noses touching and soft whimpers being spilled into each others' mouths. Hoseok, surprisingly, isn’t thinking about the lab at all. He’s thinking about nothing except the man on top of him, reveling in the way Jimin’s tongue sneaks into the mix.

Jimin’s losing himself too, getting back into the groove of his old self, gently rocking his hips as he gets comfortable, fingers snaking back into his lover’s hair—almost about to kiss down before remembering the bandages. It's been over three months since he's felt love like this, and his body's been yearning for it more than his mind even knew. Each second of the kiss reminds him of his old self: the way he'd be at the center of his packmates' passion-filled endeavors, always begging for everyone's attention. They'd give in easily, spoiling him, filling him up just right as he was passed around between warm bodies. It's a feeling he doesn't know how he's lasted so long without.

Everything's good until it isn’t.

Good until Hoseok feels Jimin’s length poking through, while his own is still soft and unable to stir up. Good until the other man’s hardness triggers the faces of ten random research participants who had their hard lengths pressed against him in the same way. Instead of going away, the memories come back more vivid than ever. Suddenly he wants to vomit.

“St-stop!”

Everything stills. Jimin snaps out of his lustful gaze in a second, face scrunching up as Hoseok’s vanilla scent starts burning. The caretaker hybrid quickly hands him water from the nightstand, waiting until after a few gulps to cup his lover's face into his hands. Hoseok’s chest is heaving from panic, eyelids feeling heavy and stiff, but Jimin pulls him back into his chest.

“Breathe with me, just focus on breathing.”

He does as told, putting full attention on the steady pace in which Jimin’s chest rises and falls against his eardrums. He tries to mimic it, but the panic in his lungs turns every breath sporadic.

“I’m sorry…I thought if it was with you I could…but I couldn’t…fuck…”

“It’s okay hyung. I’ve got you. Don’t think about anything but breathing for now.”

It’s not until Hoseok’s breath truly steadies that he speaks again,

“I’m such a disappointment.”

“No, you’re not.” His voice is unwavering, planted firm with conviction as he continues, “There’s nothing wrong with needing more time to heal.”

“But what if it’s permanent? What if I can never be that way with you guys ever again?”

How can he even preserve his relationship with Jimin alone? Sex has always been the wolf’s primary love language, and his libido will surely go back to normal soon...what will happen if Hoseok can't satisfy him anymore?

What if he can never love me the same? What if none of them can?

But Jimin’s quick to shut Hoseok’s inner demons down.

“Then we’ll just have to double up on everything you are comfortable with, whether that’s hugs and kisses, or just conversations. Our love for you has never been conditional hyung. Sex or no sex, we just need you. Our Hobi.”

It’s the way Jimin says it, like he’s never been more sure of anything in his life, that make Hoseok’s chest feel a little bit lighter.

“Stay right here. I’m going to grab some of that waffle cone ice cream I saw in the fridge, and we can put something on the TV.”

“But we haven’t had dinner yet. We shouldn’t skip to dessert.”

Jimin smiles at the way his hyung pouts, not expecting him to have such a clear stance on ice cream before dinner.

“Relax hyung, just once is fine.”

___

It’s 7pm when the main door clicks open. Two and half whole hours of you and Namjoon walking around and talking about everything and anything. You feel a little guilty using him as your therapist, but find yourself unable to stop oversharing when it comes to him. He’s bulldozed the walls you put up at this point, and not even by trying that hard—more of a kindred spirits kind of thing?

You don’t know exactly what yet, but it’s insane how much he knows about you in just three days. The hours just kept passing by and neither of you wanted to end the conversation, ending up stopping by a Chinese place for take-out when realizing it was time for dinner already.

It’s Yoongi who notices the closeness the most, seeing how easily you smile at the pack Alpha. And this time it’s not the “I’m a safe person” or “You’re doing really well” kind of smile you’d flash to ease the hybrids’ nerves, but more of a smile you’d show a friend. The kind of smile he’s used to being the only recipient of. But he knows just how badly things went last time his jealousy was involved, so he focuses on serving himself some rice, hushing that little green voice in his head.

“I’ll go give this plate to Taehyung hyung” Jungkook announces, a generous heap of orange chicken and fried rice on the platter.

“He’s still not joining us?”

“Don’t worry y/n. He’s in his zone right now!” That’s all the youngest says before speeding off, hair bouncing cutely with each step.

“I really want to ask, you know?”

Namjoon laughs, “You’ll find out soon enough.”

‘Soon enough’ turns out to be an hour after dinner, when the boxy-grinned brunette makes his way to you. You can’t help how relieved you feel seeing that smiling face again. In his hands is a messily wrapped object, and you raise a questioning look at your Christmas wrapping being used in February.

“It’s the only wrapping paper I could find” he pouts cutely, nudging you to take the gift.

You try to unwrap it neatly, but the random way it’s been wrapped makes that impossible, so you end up tearing through.

On the surface, it’s nothing special, just a bunch of printer paper stapled together with the words from your ruined book rewritten on each page. But as you flip through, you see them: pencil-drawn images of you and your grandmother sprinkled throughout the “book.” Some poses you recognize from the pictures in your study, but others are completely new compositions, drawn straight from Taehyung’s mind. And it’s all so well-drawn.

“Taehyung…where did you learn how to do this?!” The awe in your voice makes the hybrid’s shoulders rise, pride evident on his features.

Namjoon, equally proud of his pup, chimes in to answer.

“Taehyung’s always had this unbelievable gift when it comes to drawing and painting. He’s basically a genius at art.”

You look up at the mention of painting, “Wait, you can paint like this too?”

The wolf nods.

“If I get you a canvas and some paints, could you make me a portrait of her for the living room?”

“Yes! I would love to!” The wolf practically squeals at the thought of getting new paints.

It’s still not your grandmother’s book, and it’ll never have the memories you two made, but there’s something so beautiful in the way he’s portrayed her—so captivating how the glint in her eyes feels alive, as if she’s telling you that she’s still with you through her gaze alone. It’s clear that Taehyung tried his absolute best to make it up to you (and thank god for that, because you don’t have it in you to be mad at him for any longer).

You bring him close into a hug, to which he jumps into, mouthing a “thank you” to his Alpha from behind your gaze.

___

Jimin and Hoseok wait patiently until you’re done with wound care and out the door, clearly having something they need to get off their chest to the pack. It’s the younger one who recounts the day’s events, giving the elder one gentle hand squeezes throughout to keep him grounded.

There’s not a wolf listening whose face doesn’t fall instantly.

Namjoon takes lead in responding, to no one’s surprise. “We all have to be careful moving forward. Only give Hoseok affection on his terms and no initiating anything sexual with him, understood?”

Everyone nods, but the wolf in question just groans, "The last thing I want is you guys having to be careful around me. I don't want to be a burden."

"Not careful around you Hobi. Careful with you. Careful with the way we love you for as long as you need. It's not a burden because you're fucking worth it, and I won't hear anything otherwise...unless you tell me you'd find it a burden if it were any of us instead."

That shuts Hoseok up quick, because if it were any of the others, he'd give every inch of his energy and love into helping them heal. He'd pour everything in his soul to give his packmate what they need and when they need it. The word 'burden' wouldn't come into his mind at all.

“C'mere pup, how about sleeping next to me tonight?”

It takes a second for Hoseok to realize Namjoon is talking to him—the nickname ‘pup’ not being typically his. Namjoon may be a couple months younger, but it feels nice to hear the name spill from his lips. Makes him think he can be small like a pup should be, and taken care of like one too. He sees why the younger ones like the name so much.

His mind feels a little calmer the second Namjoon's hands wrap around his waist, telling him how proud he is of him for opening up. Assuring him that everything will be okay.

___

It’s well into the night when Jin carefully removes each limb piled on top of him, glad he chose the bed’s edge tonight. He’s learned it’s the best spot for him, easy to slip out when the insomnia gets unbearable. He tip-toes to the living room, deciding to read another one of the random books on the bookshelf like he did last night. But this time, he’s not alone. The living room is already dimly lit, and Yoongi’s lost in a book of his own, sinking into that recliner you love. It’s too late for Jin to retreat, as the two make eye contact.

“Can’t sleep either?”

Jin nods his head, “I can—um I can go somewhere else. Don’t want to disturb you.”

“I wouldn’t mind some company, to be honest. Most people in this house aren’t big on being in my presence right now.”

“Y/n’s our owner. Whatever fight you two are in, we’re not going to be on your side.” It’s not a challenging tone like Jungkook’s, more of a matter-of-fact statement.

“She’s not your owner and you’re not pets. Whatever’s going on with me and her is between the two of us, and we’re figuring it out. So please, grab a book and sit.”

The wolf timidly reaches for a book from the shelf before settling down on the sofa, the last part of Yoongi’s sentence sounding too command-like for him to refuse. He’s still your guest, and his commands still hold weight.

The two sit like that for hours, quietly indulging in their own pieces of fiction. It's not as uncomfortable as Jin thought it would be.

____

A/N: If you liked this part, let me know! I've said this before, but everyone's love and anticipation for this series is just so positively overwhelming. You guys are the best!

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he just has very sensitive tear ducts cr. namuspromised, 0613data, jung-koook

The Seven Year Itch

➜ Words: 5.2k

➜ Genres: 99% Fluff, 1% Angst

➜ Summary: The seven year itch is the curse of all marriages. Your own parents divorced after seven years. Your friends separated after that doomed number too. And now, you’re trying to prevent the same downfall from reaching your marriage with Yoongi.

➜ Warnings: Implied smut and discussion of sexual topics.

Keep reading

This is the kind of angst I love. THIS IS SO GOOD

Afterglow - JHS

Pairing: Husband!HoseokX Wife!Reader

A follow-up drabble of Girl Crush

Theme: Angst, arranged marriage au, hurt to comfort au, little bit of fluff

Wordcount: 1.6k+

Request: "Afterglow with hoseok. Where the reader and hoseok had a fight, and hoseok walked out, which left the reader thinking about the argument. thank uu💓"

Summary: Hoseok looks at you, smiles at you, and makes conversations with you unlike Yoongi. Hoseok’s eyes are full of warmth and adoration for you unlike Yoongi. Hoseok feels for you, unlike Yoongi.

Based on Afterglow by Taylor Swift.

Warnings: angst, reader was previously divorced, argument, some annoying aunties, mentions of divorce, past relationship, broken marriage, that's all

Minors are not allowed in this blog!!

A/N: You guys are really persistent. Most of you wanted a follow up of Girl Crush. But I had 0 mind of doing so. So, I turned this request in a drabble and made it into the part 2. Hope you guys like it. And no more parts will be added to this.

If there are 100 people in this room right now, then 80 of them want to be at your place, in your shoes. But you would sign your soul to the devil to be anyone else other than yourself. 

You are not being cocky, neither ignorant… you just can’t take it anymore. 

Being rich doesn’t mean you are the happiest person in the world, but quite the opposite. At least in your case.  

Being rich means losing your right of loving a person and being loved by them as you are nothing but a pawn that is to be exchanged at the right time through the right deal. 

Being rich also means you will be traded again and again even if you are a worn out, old, rugged piece because there would be someone always trying to buy you at the lowest possible price. 

That’s how you landed on your second arranged marriage (as if the first one had not broken you enough), your second husband and this is the second time you feel like you are falling and breaking, crushing your soul, exhausting your emotions to its extent. 

Three years ago you got married to Min Yoongi, someone you loved and someone who loved someone else. 

It’s been two years since you divorced Yoongi. It’s been two years since you walked out of his home with a broken heart.  

Yes, your love life certainly didn’t gain anything out of your and Yoongi’s broken marriage but your father gained what he was promised with.

For a year, you tended your broken heart, your insecurities, you made yourself believe in the fact that you indeed deserved to be loved. Just because your first husband didn’t love you, doesn’t mean it’s the end of the world. 

Just when you were at the peak of your healing, your father decided to sell you off once again. This time to a larger empire, holding more power, more wealth and endless benefits for your company.  

“It’s only been a year since my divorce, appa! How can you sell me off once again?” You had cried, screamed at your father for the very first time in 27 years of your life.

“Dal, Mr. Jung made the proposition. He said you have caught his son’s eyes! How could I say no?” he reasoned. 

You didn’t say anything more that night. For once you contemplated running away somewhere far from all of this. But your rationality didn’t allow you to leave your old father embarrassed and helpless. So you stayed.  

And, this is how you ended up here, tugged at the side of Jung Hoseok, your husband. 

Hoseok looks up at you with apologetic eyes and you know he is sorry. 

This is one of the thousands of differences you have found between your married life with Yoongi and your married life with Hoseok. 

Hoseok looks at you, smiles at you, and makes conversations with you unlike Yoongi. Hoseok’s eyes are full of warmth and adoration for you unlike Yoongi. 

Hoseok feels for you, unlike Yoongi. 

But the question is do you feel anything for him? You don’t know. 

Or maybe you do but you are way too afraid to start feeling again, to start loving again. 

“But darling, why her? She divorced her previous husband within a year!” Mrs. Lee, one of the shareholders of Jung Group of Companies, exclaims in her high-pitched voice. Even though she’s trying to keep her voice as low as possible, or at least pretending to do so, you can hear her clearly.   

The hold of your drink goes tight. Mr. Kang is complementing how good you are looking tonight but you can barely hear anything. All you can hear are the taunts that the old snitch is throwing at you. 

“Mrs. Lee, it’s business.” you hear Hoseok saying and all of a sudden everything around you turns dark. 

You whip your head to meet Hoseok’s eyes but he is avoiding looking at you. 

Within seconds your vision starts blurring. So, the impromptu dates, the youtube recipes, the sweet gifts, that luxurious honeymoon, those late night beers.. Everything was for business? 

You were wrong the entire time you thought you had seen love in Hoseok’s eyes? 

All.. all of it was business?

Or was it pity? 

Hoseok knows everything about Yoongi and you. Is that why he treated you kindly?

Your life feels like a lie and once again.. You see your hopes crumbling down like a house made of cards. 

“Why?” you throw your purse on the couch and stand abruptly in the middle of the living room. 

Tears stream down your face. You successfully suppressed your anger for the better part of the night but it is impossible to do so anymore. Since you and your so-called husband are alone now, he better answer your questions. 

The tremble in your voice hints Hoseok that you are crying. He takes long strides and reaches where you are. 

Placing a hand on your shoulders, he turns you around and murmurs, “Y/N? What-” 

He tries to wipe your tears away but you swat his hand, “why were you always so kind to me? Why? Because it’s business or is it because you pity me?” 

“Y/N.. No. it’s not what you think. I told her-”  Hoseok tries to hold your trembling form with both of his hands but you push him away as harshly as possible. 

“You told her because it’s true. All of those gifts and dates and dinners.. Everything, everything was a lie!” screaming at the top of your lungs, you break down. 

Hoseok runs towards you, tries to hold you in his embrace. 

“Don’t.. Don’t fucking touch me!” you seethe through anger. Hoseok retreats. 

“Okay, I won’t.” He replies calmly but you can see his eyes filling bit by bit, “but just so you know, you were never business for me. Mrs. Lee only shut up because I said what she wanted to hear and she is not a family or a friend so I would have to explain the truth to her.” 

“No- don’t. Don’t lie!” your voice comes out harsher than you intended to.

“You think I am lying because I said something insignificant to someone insignificant just today but what about everything I did to make you realize how I feel for you?” Hoseok’s voice trembles. And it hurts you but you are hurt as well. 

“You don’t feel anything for me. And you, too, should know that I don’t and won’t feel anything for you.” your heart breaks at the lie you throw at your husband but the way tears run down his face.. It instantly makes you feel like a criminal. 

“Is that so?” he asks, sniffing once, “then.. I should leave you alone.” 

Before you can register what’s happening, you hear Hoseok walking out of the door and shutting it loudly enough to signify his departure. 

And then you start wailing, loudly. Your cries fill the empty space of your apartment as you realize you are all alone once again. 

Staring at the moon always brings you solace but tonight it doesn’t. Your mind keeps playing whatever happened a few hours ago and how hoseok left the house. 

He has always been so kind to you, from the very first day you two met at a charity gala, some five or six years back. You didn’t really acknowledge his presence much as you were always busy admiring Yoongi from afar. 

You remember Hoseok once saying that he looked at you while you looked at Yoongi. You were not sure what he tried to mean but that was the first time your heart took an erratic pace in a while.  

A phone suddenly starts vibrating, pulling you out of your thoughts. But it’s not yours. Your eyes find the glowing object near by the door. It’s Hoseok’s phone, which he probably dropped on his way out. 

When you reach the object and pick it up, the screen glows again. There are a couple of notifications, which you clear for seeing the background. 

It’s a photo from your honeymoon. The photographer ajussi forced you to stand closer and place a sweet kiss on Hoseok’s cheeks. He blushed hard that time. 

Sobs start spilling from your throat as soon as you realize what you have done, what you have lost. 

You blew things out of proportion, you put him in jail for something he didn't do. You unloaded all of your insecurities on the man who only loved you.

Clutching his phone on your chest, you start crying again. It’s you who burned things down. It’s you who hurt Hoseok. And now you have lost him, really lost him. 

The door clicks open, forcing you to look up from your crouched position. 

“Y/N..” it’s him, it’s your man, it’s your husband, Jung Hoseok. 

He walks towards you but then remembering something he takes a step back. 

His eyes are red. You know he has been crying just like you.

“I- I forgot my phone-” 

Before he could end his sentence, you leaped at him. You hold him tightly in your embrace. Hiding your face in his chest, you cry, cry and cry. Hoseok holds you back and starts sobbing with you. 

“I love you. I fucking love you so much that it hurts, Y/N. It hurts when you don’t understand, when you turn blind eye.” He says as he strokes your hair softly. 

“I- I was afraid, Hoseok. What if I was wrong again. What if- what if you didn’t-”

“I always did, Y/N. I have loved you for a long time. I loved you when you were a bachelor and I loved you when you got married. I loved you when you divorced him. And I loved you when we took vows. I still love you and I always will.”   

“I love you too, Hoseok.” you finally confess and it feels euphoric. You must have found utopia where the person you love, loves you back. 

Hoseok leans down, seals your lips with his and now you know… You have found your forever. You have found your afterglow. 

Turn Back Time (KSJ x F!Reader)

pairing: baseball player!Seokjin x doctor!reader (based on the movie 13 Going On 30) genres/au/rating: fluff, humour, angst, smut, time travel au, 18+ summary: After total humiliation at his middle school baseball try outs, Kim Seokjin wants nothing more than for his awkward years to fade away until he’s thirty. Cue a magic baseball glove, and his wish is finally granted. Seokjin suddenly wakes up seventeen years later, now the star pitcher of the team he’d always dreamed of playing for. Confused and overwhelmed at the prospect of the new life waiting for him, he turns to the only person who seems to understand him — you. Will Seokjin learn what it truly means to be thirty, flirty, and thriving? Or will he find himself wishing he could turn back time?

warnings: bodyswap au (kind of), alternating pov, teenage insecurities, bullying, Seokjin is confused, mention of sports injury, thirst, mentions of hangover, sassy thirteen year olds, mentioned infidelity (not between main characters), cheating (like in sports), swearing, angsty confessions, smut warnings: nudity, Seokjin pops a semi at the wrong time, soft!dom Jin, making out, heavy petting, dry humping, nipple play, unprotected s*x (wrap it before you tap it)

word count: 13.3k a/n: a very happy early 30th bday to our WWH! This is my submission for the Catch of The Century collab hosted by myself, @joheunsaram, and @kithtaehyung! I was super excited writing the role reversal with Seokjin, and 13 Going On 30 is only one of my favorite movies ever (seriously, it never misses on every single rewatch). I also just miss Jin so much T_T I hope you all enjoy 💜 also ty to Mars for beta-reading this as well!

listen to the playlist here!

The envelope crinkles as it’s handed to Seokjin, and his heart drops before he can even pause his iPod and yank his earbuds out, the Black Eyed Peas providing the soundtrack to his humiliation. 

Sighing, he looks at his face twisted mid-expression, half-smile and half-grimace, the metal of his braces glinting against the camera flash, and wonders why the photographer had even bothered counting down if he wasn’t going to wait for him to smile for the photo anyway. Not to mention the packet had been inappropriately labeled “Suckjin”. His eomma would be so disappointed. Looking around, he pushes his glasses up onto his nose before shoving the damn thing into his backpack, where it hopefully wouldn’t see the light of day for a few more hours.

“Kim!”

Seokjin bites back a groan at the voice bellowing in the hallway, turning to see Jackson Wang and his posse of baseball boys strolling up to him. He and Jackson weren’t friends, at least not in the traditional sense of the word, but it wasn’t like they hated each other either. They had a mutual agreement - Seokjin would offer to do Jackson’s algebra homework for the semester, and Jackson promised him a try-out spot for the school’s baseball team.

To Seokjin, it was worth it. The baseball team was at the height of status in their janky middle school - everyone knew the players on the team were the coolest, sporting the finest threads walking through the hallways, and tipping their caps to make the girls scream. But it was more than that - for as long as he could remember, Seokjin had always been the lame kid. The one that faded into the background, hiding his acne-laden face under his mop of dark hair, constantly fiddling with his glasses. He hated that.

For once, he wanted to be the special one. The one who hit the winning home run at the game, the one who made all his fellow students and teachers scream with joy, who brought the school to victory. Then no one would ever forget him again. And now, with a try-out spot on the horizon, he finally got his chance.

Keep reading

Oh my God, I read this in the morning before leaving for colleges and now I'm sitting on the bus with swollen eyes and red nose. THIS WAS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! Won't stop thinking about this for the whole day now

i have died - p.jm.

genre: angst, mild fluff (7.1k) royal au! (mentions of blood, fighting and all information might not be accurate to history.)

summary: jimin knows his queen has a heart, he's known it since he set eyes on her, even if rumours whispered that she was cold, calculated, merciless, jimin held on, his queen had a heart.

masterlist

-

to be a queen, was to be powerful, they said.

it was to be graceful yet stern, commanding but caring, soft but strong, beautiful but not so much, that it took away from your strength.

to be a queen, was to be miserable, you said.

you sat on your throne, with the burden of the world on your shoulders and not a touch from someone else to cure it or take it away. your arms stayed firmly on your lap as you tried to concentrate on your advisor’s words.

“war is upon us, your majesty, everyone’s saying it.” he gestured to the court filled with old men, greedy old men who were waiting for you to slip up.

“on what basis, did you make this conclusion?” you tried to stay calm, even if a shiver went down your spine and your hands started sweating.

you knew war was going to descend on your kingdom any day now, your parents warned out about it when you were still a kid, you had been preparing for this your whole life, but it didn’t stop the nightmares, chills, or fear. war would devastate your kingdom, it would run your people and resources dry and as the queen, you were expected to stop this devastation.

“do you not see what is happening in your kingdom, your majesty?” one of the old men sneered at you as their hands tweaked their mustaches and your patience almost gave out.

beside you, your general, park jimin, tightened his hand on his sword, ready to slay the man on your command. you lift a hand in his direction, showing a sliver of your patience, and he brings his hand back down.

“i do know about the riots and the grains,” you started, leaning forward, “i also know about the affairs.” you stared pointedly at the old man, whose eyebrow started sweating as you stood up.

“be careful with how you speak to me, or i will not hesitate to tie you up and throw you in the middle of a bloody riot.” you stormed out of the room with park jimin hot on your tail, concealing his smile and an audible hush resounded around you as you walked out to the barren land.

you weren’t known as the heartless queen for no reason, you were merciless, with whomever you deemed deserved to be treated that way and you knew it wasn’t fair, but as a queen, you could care less about being fair.

“should i ready the swords, your majesty?” jimin spoke and you nodded, turning and disappearing into a room to change. you hastily undid the layers of clothing you wore, feeling more and more air enter your chest as you stood naked in front of the long mirror covering the wall.

scars from many wars ago littered your chest, thighs, and arms, you wanted to pile on all the layers of your clothing back on your beaten body.

you pushed the layers away instead, a queen shouldn’t worry about battle scars, she should celebrate them. you got your armor and boots on, feeling better when everything was covered, and stepped out.

but a sight made you stop in your tracks.

across the practice field, were two lovers, oblivious to the world, hiding away from the world under a sheer curtain, the women were holding back their smiles as they stroked each other’s cheeks, leaning into each other but leaning away, as if a magnetic pushed them close and far. one of them reached out and kissed the other’s cheek, your hand instinctively reached to your cheek, unconsciously patting the area.

never a kiss.

never has a kiss ever touched your skin.

never has a touch from someone you loved, left a ghost on your skin, like your scars did.

across the practice field, jimin’s worried eyes saw your hands stroking your cheeks, his gaze followed your line of sight to see the poorly concealed lovers, his heart twisted as he watched you push your hands away and a grimace fell on your face. jimin had never seen a smile on his queen’s face but with the role you had, he knew you didn’t have much to smile about.

“your majesty, they are ready!” he yelled, capturing your attention, away from the lovers who brought tears to your eyes. your eyes snapped to his and the vulnerability disappeared, a hardness settled in them again and jimin wished that he let you stay lost in your vulnerability for a little more.

you grabbed your sword and protective gear, struggling to put on the headpiece as you always did, jimin stepped up and snapped it into place, it was the only thing you let him do for you.

and jimin looked forward to it every day.

you fell into a rhythm, jimin was a formidable opponent, never letting you be distracted for too long, which was relieving. the sounds of swords clanging, boots kicking the sand up, and heavy breathing drowned out everything else for you.

your eyes stayed laser-focused on jimin’s movements, they were natural, clean, and sharp, and so were his father’s.

you had known jimin your whole life when he was still just a kid and learning from his father, who was your father’s general, when he followed his mom around, who followed your mum around.

his parents weren’t alive now, nor were yours.

someday, you were ten years old, your parents had left for another town and never returned, and you had to be a queen while still not understanding what death was and why it had taken your parents, jimin’s parents protected you until an unknown disease took the two of them as well.

jimin’s sword hit yours, bringing you back to the present, where you had no one to love nor protect but jimin did, jimin always knew he would protect you.

you swung back, twisting your leg to bend and hit the armor covering his stomach, he recoiled at the contact and you smirked underneath your headgear. this continued, you played the dance of defense and offense, and soon, you ripped the headpiece to force some air into your body.

“i’ll be going now.” you walked out, without looking back and jimin nodded, dropping his sword, wordlessly watching you leave.

somewhere, between being a queen while still being a child and losing everyone you loved, you had forgotten to care for another person, and between protecting you since he was a teenager and losing everyone he loved, jimin had only grown more determined to care with all the heart in him.

that was the difference between you and jimin, you lost your heart and he gained a second one. and naturally, you two never spoke anymore but jimin had always wanted to tell you about his second heart, that it beat for you, even if it meant that his head would be at the end of your sword.

-

the talk of war kept spreading throughout the kingdom and your palace became louder, so did your heartbeat in your ears, so did your sword hitting jimin’s, and so did your internal cries for help.

you marked the map as you circled it, checking entries, exits, and secret pathways that could leave you vulnerable to the enemies.

“seal the exits, don’t allow goods transport till the next week, we will put up announcements when it can be resumed, station two guards at every secret route and give them our best guns, station one guard at each entry and exit, make sure meals reach them from time-to-time and distribute palace supplies to the people, without good transport, they won’t be making money” commands flowed easily out of you, you took every advisor’s bullshit advice and decided to ignore it at all, you came up with the most efficient plan you could.

“should we seal them tonight, your majesty?” jimin stepped forward and you nodded, “tonight would be best, we have to protect ourselves before we regret it. and later, i need to discuss battle strategies with you, keep that in mind.” jimin bowed to you and stepped back as the advisors argued with you.

he watched with a smirk as you calmly explained how miserable their plans were, he watched as you put all of them in their places and left the room, leaving the air of your power lingering in the room.

“she’s just as arrogant as her father” the same old man who had questioned your knowledge of the kingdom in the court, turns his nose up with a nasty sneer on his face. jimin feels his skin start to burn in anger when he hears the noises of agreement from the others.

“she’s even worse, at least her father was a capable ruler, she’s just arrogant and nothing else,” another one adds with a smirk, and everyone laughs at the comment, jimin wonders how you hold onto your patience with these men.

“she’s not even beautiful enough to be arrogant, did you see the scars covering her arms? no wonder she isn’t married” they continued to add snide comments, sipping their drinks and doing everything but be the advisors they are.

a slam on the wooden table startles them all, liquid jumping out of their cups and onto the floors, they all turn to see jimin’s eyes burning holes into them as his hands twitch on the table.

“one more word about our queen and i will personally wield the sword that chops your necks off.” jimin says calmly, though his fury is poorly contained. the advisors quirked an eyebrow at him, “who do you think you are? you are a general, not the queen’s lapdog, behave.”

another one piped up to reprimand him, “you are no one to lay a hand on any of us, learn your place, or we will make you.”

a dark chuckle bubbled out of jimin as he quickly realized if given the chance, he would take the lives of everyone in this room in a heartbeat, “my place is to serve her, so if i ever lay a hand on you, it wouldn’t be for me, it would be for my queen.”

the advisors grew wide-eyed at the storm-like fury that brewed in jimin’s eyes as he stared at them, jimin was known to be kind, friendly, and sweet around the court, but seeing him this way, had them all clearing their throats and looking away as a sheen of fear covered their faces, their eyes flickered from jimin to the sword that rested on his hips.

it would only take him a minute to kill them all and that knowledge had all of them gulping for air.

outside the room, you held your hand to your chest as a long breath released out of you, you never left since you heard the first comment from your advisors and even if it wasn’t supposed to hurt you, it did.

and you knew jimin didn’t have to say anything, you knew he could’ve just left the room, this was the first time anyone had ever stood beside you and not against you.

jimin opened the doors to see you beside them, eyes gazing up at him with concealed fondness, your face stayed cold and distant but jimin noticed the tiniest curve of your lips.

he remembers how you used to smile as a kid, wide and with teeth, dimples curved in as you ran around the palace, having your maids chase you around, he remembers the first time you had talked to him.

“get the swords ready, general.” you rush out of the area, leaving jimin a little startled but without another word, he follows you.

-

the sounds of your swords clanging brought you peace, as your chest slowly started to loosen up, though you had to admit that your focus wasn’t great, your eyes kept flickering to catch glimpses of jimin, hidden under his protective gear and your mouth kept opening to say something.

“you didn’t have to stand up to them, park jimin” you muttered, just loud enough for jimin to hear and his movements paused.

so, you had heard.

he was wishing that you hadn’t.

“i know, your majesty.” his arms lifted his sword again, but dropped it as soon as your sword hit the ground.

“then, why would you do it?” you hated the tremor in your voice, it was so unlike you, so unlike a queen.

“i don’t know, but i can’t think of anything else i would’ve done at the moment,” he removed his headpiece to see you, to see what you felt about his words.

you nodded with uncertainty, you expected him to say that as your general, it was his duty to defend you, you hadn’t expected anything more than that.

“i appreciate it,” you said breathily and jimin nodded back, his cheeks attaining a flush from both the cold wind gushing around you and also from your words.

i would do it again, by the way, even if my life is on the line.

he felt the urge to tell you as you turned away but then his eyes caught the royal emblem etched on your armor and he swallowed his words.

“i wasn’t always like this, general, i think you know that.” tears, that you couldn’t stop, lined your eyes as you thought back to the child that you were and the world that you had to grow up in, and jimin felt his chest fill with sorrow because he knew so well, knew more than you thought he did. “i know, your majesty, i know.”

you straightened your shoulders, any trace of vulnerability escaping your body as your advisors passed the field, all of their eyes analyzing and judging you.

“we still have to discuss those strategies, come.”

-

the rest of the night, you went over your defenses again and again, eyes catching fleetingly, accidentally, and then returning to the table with flushed cheeks, jimin was delighted to be so close, yet so far, from you.

and each time, your eyes met, you felt your heart beating again, you felt yourself wanting to say things that had nothing to do with the maps spread out in front of you.

“we knew each other before all this, didn’t we, park jimin?” before you became a queen, before you owned a kingdom, jimin was present in your distant memory, “you gave me flowers.” he smiled at you, images of your younger self flashing brightly in his mind.

“no! that can’t be true, general” a smile of disbelief curved on your face, you never looked at flowers, you couldn’t imagine any part of you that would gift someone flowers.

“oh, but you did, your majesty” jimin cheekily replied, making you shake your head and look away from him, trying to remember a time when you weren’t a queen.

but jimin remembers too clearly, how you had met, how your hands touched him for the first time, when it was all innocence and warmth.

it had been a hot, summer day.

jimin’s mother was busier than usual. it was the princess’s birthday and the entire palace was geared up to celebrate it grandly.

but jimin wasn’t happy at all. his eyes were hurting from the tears he had cried, his cheeks were firing up with heat as his body burned.

he was sicker than he had ever been and his mother couldn’t take care of him, her own eyes were filled with tears that she couldn’t take care of her child but she had duties to fulfill.

jimin sat in the garden, sniffling and pulling grass, refusing to listen to his mother’s request to stay inside as his cheeks puffed up with defiance.

then, he heard soft giggles falling from the corridors into the lonely garden.

he turned to see the princess, her hand in the queen’s, her other hand gripping tightly onto freshly picked jasmines, as she walked merrily, it was her birthday after all. and even as a kid, jimin couldn’t look away from the princess.

she was a joy to see, a joy to hear.

when the princess turned to look at him, to look at sad, pouty jimin, sitting by himself, picking the grass with tear-stained cheeks, jimin wouldn’t have guessed that she would run over to him. he wouldn’t have guessed that she would take the jasmines in her hand and place them above his ears.

“flowers are happy, you should be happy.” you had told him, with a dimpled smile, staring at him for a few seconds before running back to your mother, but he watched as you looked back at him till you left the corridor.

jimin felt the traces of love bloom in his heart for the first time.

now, he sees you, so tough and powerful and as his queen, but he remembers too well how you used to be and jimin fell for you then, unfortunately for him, he hadn’t gotten back up.

at some point in the night, the sleeves on your dress ride up and your eyes widen as you push them back down, you hurriedly look up to see if jimin has seen anything, you wait to see if his face twisted in disgust, but jimin only smiles, “you are so strong, your majesty. i wish i was more like you.”

he doesn’t speak about your tears.

or your scars.

or the fear on your face.

you know that he notices it all, but he doesn’t say a word.

you didn’t know that even if you weren’t the queen of the kingdom, you would still be jimin’s queen, hot or cold, kind or ruthless, heart or heartless, nothing could change that.

and jimin might have felt it when he was still a kid, but this was the first time, that something bloomed in your heart, you weren’t sure it was love, you were just sure that it was because of him.

-

weeks later, your kingdom was sealed, business halted and time as it was, didn’t move as you and your people prepared for the war.

tensions were high, and the kingdom got quieter as everyone waited for any news about their fate, you spent every minute with jimin, formulating and discussing plans that could bring you even a sliver of hope, and every minute, your heart unwillingly grew sprouts and flowers.

“hand over the kingdom to us and there will be no blood staining your land or else, your entire kingdom will drown.” your minister read the last sentence of the letter that was sent over to you that morning and you tried to resist the chill crawling on your back.

but you knew who it was from, a much more prosperous kingdom, a much more powerful kingdom with a king, not a queen, not like your weak kingdom.

you were powerful and you have won many wars but your opponent has colonized several countries at a time so realistically, your chances of surviving his quest were slim to none.

jimin eyed your tightening fists with a glint of worry and concern as your minister hung his head, solemn from the words he just read, “what do we say, your majesty?”

you knew the gravity of your decision here, you could either abandon your land and people, hand them over to a stranger, and not look back, because you knew even if you fought back, you would be weaker, you would lose.

but you also couldn’t turn your back on your people, your father and mother wouldn’t have done that, they wouldn’t have handed your people over, and they would have fought with everything they had.

sometimes, you just wish they would be beside you, gently guiding and firmly telling you what to do. sometimes, you wanted to crawl on your mother’s lap and cry until you couldn’t, sometimes, you just wanted your father’s hand on your head, telling you to be brave.

but your wishes remained wishes, hard decisions had to be solely made by you, whether you liked it or not.

“tell them, they will be the ones drowning, not us.” you feigned the confidence you knew your court needed, and seeing everyone’s face light up as their loud cheers echoed in your court, made it easy for you to say it, even if you knew it wasn’t true.

you would drown.

and never float back up.

all because you couldn’t be the queen your people needed.

you told yourself, that it was justified to give false hope to people whose hope was weathering, it was justified to lie to your court while knowing it would be gone in flames later, it was justified to fake your power for the flicker of relief that passed over their faces.

but jimin’s eyes stayed on your knuckles that turned white, your eyes that seemed dazed and he knew you were lying, his hand rested on his sword as he realized that the cheering people, were all waiting for their deaths.

-

“your majesty, a moment of your time.” jimin stayed outside the door until he heard your voice, allowing him in. you were sitting at the edge of your cot, chest heavy and breathing caught in your body.

“forgive me, your majesty, but you and i both know that you were lying.” he spoke, with confusion lacing his voice, you were always honest, you never lied for the sake of making someone feel better. “about what, general?” he didn’t recognize the strange, lifeless tone your voice had taken.

“that we are going to survive the quest.” jimin knew as much as you did, that your kingdom would be run to the ground, even if he thought you were the strongest of them all, he knew your kingdom would fall.

“we are going to survive it,” you lied through your teeth.

“we’re all going to die” jimin didn’t know why he was arguing with you, but he couldn’t help it, this was the first time his queen had lied and he needed to know why.

“oh general, i have died a long time ago” you laughed bitterly, your stomach twisting at your words, you felt sick, trapped in yourself, trapped in this palace that gave you all of the power but none of the relief that came with love. his gaze softened as, for the first time, tears flowed down your face like a river, as sobs escaped your chest without restraint, as you sunk to the floor with your hands tightly wrung the bedding.

you had died the day your parents didn’t come back, you had died when they placed a heavy crown on your tiny head as a kid, you had died when the sprinkle of someone else’s blood fell on your face, you had died when the people you fought for called you heartless.

you had died more times than you could count, one more time, even if it was for real this time, didn’t shake you at all.

it was dying without a touch of love decorating your skin, that truly scared you. you wished for a touch that wouldn’t unravel you but would hold you together, the way even a riptide, as dangerous as it is, longs for a shore to embrace, you want just a touch.

jimin should leave, his duty wasn’t this, his duty wasn’t to console a broken queen but jimin never stayed by your side as a duty, he stayed because it was where he belonged.

jimin sunk to his knees, his hands trembling to touch you, to let you lay on him and let years of your tears run down his chest, but he doesn’t want to be at the end of your sword, he wants to be at the end of your bed, watching you while you sleep and protecting you from the nightmares that plague you.

and then you surprise him.

jimin’s breath halts as he watches you reach for him, one frail hand in the air that beckons him closer and he follows wordlessly, sitting beside you and watching as your head finds his lap. you melt into his lap, fingers falling away from your body to hug his legs, a soft hum leaves your lips and jimin’s urge to protect you increases exponentially.

it's been a while since he has seen his queen be herself, and he knows as you grasp onto him for affection, that this was you finally giving up on maintaining an image, at least in front of him.

he slowly places a hand on your back, unsure if he was allowed to touch you the way you touched him, but you only bury your tear-stained cheeks into his legs and jimin relaxes, letting his hands travel on your back, his hands burned with love as he rubbed circles on your skin that coaxed more cries out of you, but this time, they weren’t out of pain, they were out of the relief of finally being touched with love.

“jimin,” you called out, so softly even if your voice dried out from the tears, so intimately that jimin wanted to curl up to you and forget everything else, “yes?”

no general.

no park jimin.

just jimin.

“i didn’t lie because i wanted to, the kingdom will die long before the war gets here, if i don’t lie, they need to hold onto something as we go into the war, they need to believe that they can survive to even fight.” and jimin sees it, the heart that your people denied that you had, you had thought of them before anything else and he smiles to the ceiling.

“after everything goes, you will be remembered as the greatest ruler our kingdom has ever seen,” he speaks sincerely, as his hands caress the lengths of your hair, which lulls you, your heart warms but you know it wasn’t true, “no one would remember me.”

“i would, in death and life, i will.”

you hadn’t expected to be satisfied with his answer but somehow, that was more than enough of you.

you always wished for a touch to make you feel loved, to make you feel anything but jimin’s words alone held you together and for the first time, you bore a heart that was heavier than you were, a heart that dragged you down, pulled you down and forced you to accept its size.

and you loved the enormity of affection you felt, especially that it was for the man who held you so gently even if he had seen you at your strongest.

“your majesty, i have a confession.”

“i think i know what you are going to say,” you might not have cared for other people, but you did notice things, you noticed the lingering looks jimin would give you, the smile that would grow on his face whenever you put your advisors in their place, the way his tone changed to something softer only when he talked to you, you had noticed it all.

you felt the same, maybe not as long as he had, but melted against him, you knew you wouldn’t feel this way for anyone else, except the person who stood by and protected you for so long.

“but if you allow me, i still want to say it.” you peered up from his lap with an amused smile, your general was more romantic than you had thought him to be, and jimin hadn’t thought your smile could be any more beautiful than it was in his dreams, but it was.

“you are allowed,” you face him, cheeks flushing and hands trapping his, “i love you, i’ve loved you since i knew what love was.”

you were only just learning love, as your skin touched his, as you sunk further into him, as you felt cocooned by his presence, as you felt his unwavering love for you through his touch but even if it was just now, you knew you felt the same.

but you couldn’t bring yourself to say the words, as a queen, were you allowed to profess love for someone else? with a war approaching, did you deserve to love as your kingdom ran to devastation?

you couldn’t say it, you couldn’t allow yourself the luxury.

you just nudged further into jimin’s body, squeezing his hand as a silent way of professing, ‘i feel the same, in my heart that’s beating after a long time, i feel what you do and i will tell you, i will tell you soon.’

jimin sighs in relief, his skin growing warm as your hands desperately try to tell him what your mouth can’t and he allows his body to drape over you, hands caressing your dress and brushing your hair away from your cheeks.

“i understand, my queen, i will wait.”

-

that night, everything changed for you, you had felt so defeated before the war even started but here you were, days later, hitting swords with jimin once again, a new kind of determination drummed in your attacks, you had to win the war, you had to be with jimin.

“your majesty, i’m afraid you are getting distracted,” jimin teases you as his sword nears your throat, with an amused scoff, you pull back to drag your sword on the ground and drive it up to the back of his head, “apparently, not as much as you, general.”

you both spent every quiet night together, in each other’s arms, in each other’s words and he professed his love to you every single day, even if you didn’t say it back, and he reminded you that your heart hadn’t died, it had just hidden away, but he certainly had wedged himself into it and it seemed to you that he would never leave.

jimin raises his sword in surrender, a chuckle leaving his lips once he sees you grin widely at his defeat.

“you are enjoying this too much,” he tuts at you, “i’m still your queen, jimin” you playfully scold him and he rolls his eyes at you, “and i’m still your general, your majesty.” he tips his invisible hat with a shit-eating grin and leaves you, flustered in the middle of the ground as he walks away to greet some new members of the army.

what was this feeling that consumed you, as your eyes refused to look away from his retracting figure?

a fluttering sense of calm danced around you, your usually restless heart had taken a steady, loud rhythm and you loved the world right now.

you felt as if everything was alright, as if the skies were always blue, as if the flowers always bloomed, as if you could fight a war and win it, just to keep this moment alive.

“your majesty!” a shrill voice broke your dreamy thoughts, and your head snapped to see your minister rushing down the hallway to reach you. you hold your arms over his shoulders to steady him as he breathes heavily.

“careful, minister.” he shook his head at your words, eyes pinching shut as he panted.

“they’ve gotten in, your majesty.”

and just like that, the feeling of victory faded from you.

“what are you talking about?” you couldn’t recognize how tight your voice sounded, how your hands twitched involuntarily to your sword, and how the air in your chest knocked out of you.

not now.

not so soon.

“we sealed every exit, minister, that is not possible” you desperately tried to dissuade what he was trying to tell you, he solemnly shook his head, “one of our own turned on us, they gave them entry into our kingdom, and several civilians were beheaded just a few minutes.”

your blood boiled.

for a minute, your eyes saw complete red as your hands shook beside your body, “how many, minister?” your voice didn’t contain your fury, nor your heartbreak.

“hundred and twelve, as of now, your majesty.”

in that minute, you knew you could slay an entire kingdom if you wanted to, you knew that if you were let loose, not a single soldier would be able to keep up with you. your people were supposed to be the last ones to get hurt, you were supposed to be protecting them and you failed.

“i’m assuming, the traitor has been caught?”

“yes, your majesty.” your minister’s eyes widened in fear as you pulled your sword out, “show him to me.”

-

that night, you scrubbed someone else’s blood off your face, and frustrated tears lined your eyes but the red never seemed to disappear, as you kept washing, more and more took its place, and soon, you gave up on getting it off, you had to accept that a part of you will always be stained with their blood.

the blood served as a reminder of the people you couldn’t save.

you had spent the evening, preparing for the war that would start tomorrow, it was finally declared by your opponent in another mocking letter, and providing aid to the families who lost their loved ones, each of their cries rang loudly in your ears even if hours passed.

water droplets dripped down your face as you sat once again, defeated before the war began, at the edge of your bed, but this time, a knock at your door filled you with relief.

jimin came in, exhausted as well, but his eyes zeroed on the red covering your arms and face, without a word, he took a washcloth, dipped it in water, and sat beside you.

his fingers nudged your hair away from your face and slowly, patiently, patted the blood away, shushing you as you broke down in tears in the middle.

that night ended in jimin’s arms, with a clean face and a lighter heart.

both of you didn’t know what would happen the next day, you just knew that you had to survive for each other.

-

“line up!” jimin’s yell filled the courtyard and all the soldiers jogged across it to surround him, “you all are aware, going in today, of the severity of the situation and what it could lead to, but i trust that my soldiers will still give their best, we all have homes to return to, keep that in mind. let it serve as a motivation for you to win this, help your fellow soldiers, and keep your focus.”

all of them were nervous, all of them had left home saying their final goodbyes to their families in case they never returned, but all of them also believed in their general and his words, rapid nods came as a response from them and they started preparing themselves mentally.

jimin gestured for them to move along and they all started embracing each other, comforting words poured into the space and they soon moved away to disperse.

in your changing room, your hands slid down the scars that covered you, after today, you were sure there were going to be even more, but somehow, you didn’t mind it as much. your maids placed the armor on you, tightening it around your body and you bit back a groan.

you didn’t know how many more of these wars you could fight.

suddenly, they all shuffled away, leaving the room, causing you to turn around, confused at their actions, only to see jimin entering the room.

“i don’t know why they ran away,” he said with comically raised eyebrows and you bit back a grin, “i’m sure they must have seen you leave my quarters in the morning.” his head fell back with a laugh as he stepped closer to you.

“that can’t be, i’m so discreet, like a ninja, you know?” you rolled your eyes at him, “you broke three vases just two days ago, jimin.” he kissed your temple as another laugh bubbled out of him, “maybe i’ll learn along the way.”

“maybe you will.”

you sighed as both of your smiles slipped, there was no telling if there was a way anymore but believing that there was, it was all you could do.

“how are the soldiers?” your eyes bore into his similar, armor-clad body that came up behind you in the mirror.

“just right, your majesty, don’t worry.” his arms came up to wrap around your body and your hands rested on his arms, a shuddering breath left your mouth as the gravity of today settled in even more.

maybe there won’t be a way, maybe you will never get to hold jimin like this again.

“before we go jimin, i want to tell you, like all of them, you have me, a home and i need you to come back for me,” that was the closest you could get to professing your love, your words were pleading, begging, even if your face was passive. jimin shakes his head, his hair rubbed onto your neck as he exhaled, “we both need to come back, i’m not letting this end here.”

after minutes passed of just being enveloped in each other’s warmth, you wished you could just ignore the war and stay in this room forever, with jimin, you wished you could ignore the possibility of losing him but the loud roars of your soldiers marching to the battlefield reminded you of who you were doing all of this for.

you were the queen, jimin was the general, and both of you had duties that couldn’t keep you locked in this room.

so, with a pained heart and arms that longed for each other even if only seconds passed, you both parted to step away from each other.

jimin reached for your headgear, taking his time to brush your hair and slip it on your head, the one thing you always let him do for you and you held back your tears as he pressed a kiss to your forehead. you reached for his hands and kissed the back of them, your tears soon fell on them and jimin’s resolve started breaking.

but he sniffed, pushing himself away and wiping your tears, “are you ready, my strongest queen?” he held out his hand with a wide, albeit painful smile on his face.

you put your hand in his, trying to stay strong, “whenever you are, general.”

and as you two stepped out, the warmth of his skin spread on you, his head dipping down to give you one final smile that was filled with his ever-growing love.

you felt scared that you might never see it again.

“i love you, your majesty.”

i love you unbelievably more.

“there will be a royal wedding to get ready for after this, be prepared, general.”

-

jimin winced as sand clouded his vision, he swung his sword aimlessly, hoping to catch his opponent, his ears were ringing from all the screams of agony around him, and when the blood splattered on his face, another scream rang much louder in his ear, causing him to look away.

another soldier who wouldn’t go home.

he whipped his head around, trying to catch sight of you in the midst of all the chaos, and after ducking and running under everyone around him, while slaying whoever he could in the way, he finds you.

a soldier fell at your feet and you took a huge breath, while looking around, only to catch jimin’s impressed face, you both smiled at each other, with red dripping down on your faces.

there was a chance.

you could win this and go back home to each other.

but soon, jimin got pushed into the chaos, and another, darker cloud of sand dusted across his face, forcing him to stand straight and attack again. he couldn’t see you again but he knew you were giving it your all, so he busied himself.

only a few more.

and he would be back with you.

-

they told him that you killed the most.

that you had fought bravely, and led your kingdom to victory.

that you were the queen that they would love and celebrate, even if centuries pass.

but how could jimin love and celebrate you, when he couldn’t hold you in his arms?

when your body was carried into the palace, it had taken everything in jimin to not set the entire palace on fire. to him, a palace without you, alive and breathing life into the building, was not a palace at all.

people held him when he cried, when he wanted to drive his sword into himself, when he would try to shake your body back to life, when he wouldn’t move away from your body, people put their arms around him and tried to lift him up.

but none of them could console him, all the promises you both had dreamed about vanished in front of his eyes and he blamed every single one of them, if they weren’t so harsh on you, if they didn’t call you heartless, you wouldn’t fight till death to prove that you did indeed have a heart, that you indeed had the biggest one.

jimin didn’t have too long to mourn, soon, the heavy crown was positioned on his head, they told him that it was your last request for him to look after the kingdom you had left behind, and once it was on him, he realized the weight you carried around your whole life, since you were only a kid.

they pulled all kinds of royal clothes on him, the materials itched, they burnt his skin, and the gold threads dug into his neck, as if the clothes were his own prison.

as he was made king, the kingdom rejoiced, they were finally getting a king, a true ruler, in their words, and jimin laughed in all their faces, their history would only have one true ruler, and it was you. no one could do what you did.

the throne felt wrong to jimin, as if he didn’t belong, but he knew this was what you wanted for the kingdom you loved so dearly, and jimin would always serve your needs.

he wished, as you had, for you to come and hold him when he had hard decisions to make, he wished to melt into your lap one last time to feel the warmth that ran away from him, he wished that you were right beside him, gently guiding and caring for him.

but he was left with only the ghost of your touch, that would forever haunt him.

jimin still got up every day, he put on the heavy crown and the irritating clothes and listened to the same blubbering idiots, the way you had, and he tried his best to be the ruler you were.

but at night, he crumbled away, dreaming of your touch and your love as he hugged your headgear closer.

jimin’s dreams remained dreams.