Wonyoungandrich - Wony - Tumblr Blog

April 30, 2024

One thing I don't like with group work: Freeloader.

Yawa kaayo! For 3 hours namo na 'meeting' kunohay, walay nahitabo. Sige rag suggest unya dili kahimo.

Awa karon, ako permente ga huna huna unsay plano like kapoy napud.

Ga-agad ra sila. I thought nasumpayan natong akong nasugdan, wala man diay.

Piste kaayo!

April 28, 2024

Months haves passed and I'm still breathing. Hello again!

My birthday is fast approaching and I'm kinda nervous but also excited.

Throughout my second-year journey, procrastination has always been my number one enemy. I tried different techniques, systems, rules, and methods, but every time, they flopped.

Recently lang nako gi implement ning Intrapersonal Conversation and somehow it worked. It keeps me going. I have a sense of awareness within myself, and I can control what I do and what I should avoid/shouldn't do.

It's been going great. I do hope I am consistent, and I will not lack self-motivation and hopefully I will not feel burnout.

It's Sunday today and I went to church in the afternoon. Kailangan nako mubawi since wala ko ka simba last Sunday. It was fulfilling. I get to say an apology to Him and also ask for guidance, strength, love, grace, and keep us safe and healthy. I also asked guidance for my studies and my college journey. I do hope I'm consistent in attending mass, now.

Sept. 21, 2023

Ok, I'm not consistently writing and doing journal, but I have my reason. Yesterday was the deadline for the Supplementary Research Data paper and I was totally cramming it. There were things that I completely missed, and I was not good.

Anyway, I went to school because we had a schedule for BT. We waited there for like 3 hours max and I was ready to go. We had to say what our talents were, but I don't want to show it to class so I had to say my only talent was drawing and that's it. So that I wouldn't show it to the whole class impromptu.

My friend actually accompanied me through out the class which I'm guessing she did it on purpose I have no friends and I look like a loser in there. A part of me was happy but I felt like she only did it because I look bad which in turns made me like worse? I don't know I should be happy because I have friend but it only reminded me of how big of a loser I am.

Anyway, magpalit unta kog tracing paper but wala koy kwarta and I was going to use tracing paper kay mao ang requirement but I'm broke.

Anyway, back sa akong friend. Ga-tell siya sa iyang love story and her relationship with her international boyfriend who's Chinese-Malaysian. They met daw on V-Tube (?). It's supposed to be an online streaming platform where they have an avatar, an anime character I guess that's all I know. It was cute, it was nice, but she constantly talked about him ALL THE TIME. I felt like she wasn't giving me the chance to talk about myself too. It was kinda a bit narcissistic of her. KINDA.

But she was so nice so...

One time, ga-storya ko sa akong experience and she completely ignored, and by ignored I mean cut me off. I felt so bad.

Anyway, when we were outside sa NBS, she was talking to her friends and gusto nako muhawa. They were asking kung asa ko mouli and I said "Carmen" and mudungan nalang daw ko sa isa ka friend nila na taga-Carmen pud. AND I'M READY TO BACK OUT. So I have to find a way. I told my friend na I have to go to KetKai kay naa pay gipapalit ako mother and I was out. THANK GOD!

Also, wala koy nasabtan sa amo klase gahapon. Nakatulog jud kog ahat. Now, akong problemahon kay ang plate nako sa BT og sa Arch Des.

FUCK ME.

Sept. 18, 2023

So, I totally screw up my submission for self introduction video in Plane Surveying course. I didn't pass it on time so I guess bagsak ko ato. Pero I think it's no biggie kay self-introduction video raman sad to. It's ok. I'm totally gaslighting myself right now.

Anyway, I'm continuing to do my supplementary research. I hope I can finish that one. ONE TIME.

Sept. 17, 2023

Yesterday, magklase unta mi sa Arch Des namo na subject. My dumbass thought online class siya pero face-to-face man diay. Nag discuss ra daw si sir, and nag explain sa among first major plate, and also consultation. I'm really quite nervous about it.

It's Sunday today and I think I have to skip Sunday mass. Just this once.

I completely forgot to post my self-introduction video para sa Plane Surveying na subject. I already am done with the video, but I forgot to turn it in. Meh! Maybe it's for the best.

Sept. 16, 2023

It's Saturday today and that means, this afternoon is Arch Des. I'm actually quite nervous because we'll be having a quiz and iya na dayun i-hatag sa amo ang first plate. It's going to be a proposed public park. I'm nervous because I don't know where to start. But I'm gay and I can do anything.

Karon ang deadline sa Introduction Video and maulaw ko i-pasa kay i-post man jud ni sir sa iya wall sa Facebook. It's embarrassing.

For the last two days, nagsakit ko. Sakit ako tiyan, ulo, lain ako paminaw, kahilantanon ko, and overall weak akong body. But nagtomar nakog tambal and I'm fine now.

Wish me luck! Ok, bye.

Sept. 15, 2023

GIRL, I forgot to write an entry yesterday so I'm making it up this day. Currently, listening to Back to December by Taylor Swift. It's such a good song.

Anyway, yesterday was not it, girl. I was totally procrastinating. I swear it became chronic this time. I wish this procrastination of mine will end/stop.

Currently listening to Mean by TS. The chorus is such a good part of the song.

I will do my best to even start the illustrated homework from HOA. I CAN'T PROMISE tho.

To add to this, I was quite weak yesterday I can't point out. Maybe this is because of the diet. I swear I'm eating dinner this time. I can't afford to be sick. I don't know how to explain it feels like I have a fever and overall, my body is weak. Now my head is aching.

Sept. 13, 2023

I hate myself. Yesterday, nag-procrastinate rako BITCH. I swear chronic najud ni. Dili na maayo. I want to do so many things.

Later, kuhaon nako ang RPH book and mag BT nami unya. Wish me luck!

Sept. 12, 2023

I went on a morning walk per usual, and I literally, randomly thought I just locked myself out of the house. Abi nako akong na lock and door. I was so nervous. I bought viand the way in thinking I'll be alright, but I was also thinking of worst-case scenario.

It would be embarrassing, disastrous, and ulaw kaayo if na-lock ko dzai.

Anyway, last night nag movie marathon mia sa The Nun. And yes, horror siya, and yes, gitan-aw namo sa gabie. Aren't we so brave? Not really. But it was good. I guess.

I'm procrastinating again. I'm supposed to do my illustrated homeworks para sa HOA and mag advance read, and mag tan-aw sa film/documentary.

I guess, I'll just do that.

That's it for now. Bye!

Sept. 11, 2023

I went on a short morning walk and I have an opinion about the road and safety of the pedestrians. Roads here in the Philippines are not really beneficial, effective, and safe for the pedestrians. No safe lane for bikers, no safe lane for jogging and walking, no barriers between walking, biking, and vehicles. Ngano man naay ga-parking na cars og motor sa sidewalk, when it's supposed to be a sidewalk?

LITERALLY SIDE EYE. WTF!

Hapit ko na ligsan (not really, i was exaggerating), hapit ko na sidesweep sa dalan gaina and I was literally on a sidewalk. I'm supposed to be safe.

Also, a dog suddenly come up so happy and tail wagging GIRL I was so scared, but he was a nice dog, I was just taken aback that's all.

Today, I had to go pay the electricity bill later.

Sept. 10, 2023

I went to church today. Yes, I'm a good gworl. But in all seriousness, I went to church because I felt guilty that I haven't been to a church mass since like forever. Probably, the last time I went to church was on my birthday, May 7.

Now that I think about it, it is un-Christian to do that. But anyway,

I've been wanting to go to church, but I just can't tell my mother that we should go to church because I don't know, I'm a little embarrassed. I haven't really portrayed as a devoted Catholic in front of my mother/parents, but I believe in God.

It's just a little embarrassing to say because they might question me or laugh. And also, naay tendency na unsay nabuhat nako, mapugos na hinuon ko and mahimo na hinuon siyag task which is not my goal kay depende rajud sa akoa kung gusto ko or dili.

Karon, maglaba ko kay wala nakoy underwear masuot.

Naignan ko ni mama og "nanambok lagi ka?". And that was my 13th reason why gusto ko magpaniwang.

Sept. 9, 2023

Sinong tanga nag-adto school kay abi niya naay klase BT karon, unya pag-ando wala diay?

ME. I'm that dumbass.

It's my fault really. I didn't check that the COR already changed. But, nagpalit nalang kog pagkaon didto kay wala pako ka breakfast. I was hungry girl. Wala koy kaon sa hapon og gabie yesterday so imagine the hunger.

But I know this is worth it because I'm gonna be skinny again.

I was actually nervous meeting again with my classmates because I know no one will talk to me there but I don't give a fuck. I learned that I shouldn't mind them. They're irrelevant. All I should focus is my study and my grades. NO IRREGULAR THIS 2023-2024. MANIFESTING!

Anyway, I'm listening to GUTS by Olivia Rodrigo. I kinda have a love-hate relationship with her. I know technically she's half Filipina but who gives a fuck. I know I don't.

Sept. 8, 2023

Hi. I'm fine now. I took a morning walk for 15 minutes. I'm starting to feel the effects of doing it every day. I'm also cutting back my excessive eating. Instead of cooking rice 3 cups a day, I cut it back to 1 1/2 cups a day. I'm planning to not eat at dinner because whenever I eat dinner, I feel full and not good at all. It also serves as fasting hours for me.

I started recording my introduction video for Plan Surveying last night. Girl, it was hard to act, and I cannot act for sh*t. All I have to do now is edit it and I'm done.

BTW, It's Friday now. Days have gone by so fast. I don't know if that's good or not but I'm here for it.

I do hope my efforts of losing weight will be paid off. I want to go back to being skinny like my skinny self in 2020. I was so skinny back then I missed it. SO MUCH.

I also recorded myself singing to our school hymn. And when I checked it to see if it's good enough, I was disgusted. Embarrassed. Mortified. Awful. I can't sing for sh*t either. I was bamboozled and heartbroken. I really want to sing like a REAL SINGER. But I can't and I don't have the confidence to start to practice.

BTW, my favorite singer is Ariana Grande. She's just so good at what she does. I'm also starting to listen to Carly Rae Jepsen. I love her The Loveliest Time album. My favorite track would be Psychedelic Switch. I love the chorus. It's fun and bright and energetic. It makes me want to start jumping and sing along like I was at a concert.

I ate my breakfast. I bought the viand from a karenderya because I don't have ingredients and food at home, so I don't have a choice.

I ran out of things to talk about, so I guess that's it for today. Thank you. Bye!

Sept. 7, 2023

Hello. I just finished 22-minute morning walk and I felt great. I feel energized (not really) and alive. I want to talk about my situation right now. It's about not having friends yet in my class section.

I feel awful. I feel awkward and scared. My heart is literally racing right now. Maybe because I'm anxious.

Starting this year's school semester with no one that is close to me is scary. I do have 2 friends that I know in my class section, but they have their own friend group. The last thing that I want to do is to fit in and pressure myself. I don't' want that.

So now, I'm gaslighting myself that I don't need to pressure myself. I don't have to conform and go by their standards because half or most of these students, inevitably, I won't befriend with. And that's okay. It doesn't mean we should be all friends.

My goal/criteria are quality over quantity.

I can't think of anything na. So, I guess that's it for now. Bye.

Sept. 6, 2023

Yesterday was crazy. I was so awkward. I felt so alone and not welcome at all.

I went to school to formally and properly introduce myself to the class and also because it was PE time. When I got there, they already started, and we had to fill out some type of form, so we complied.

When introduce yourself started, GIRL, I was so nervous. I even mentally prepared myself and it turned out to be SO AWKWARD. FUCK! KILL ME NOW.

But then I realized, I should never be embarrassed, scared, be awkward, or trying hard to prove myself because I should never do that to myself. WHO CARES I KNOW I DONT. Like fuck them

I'm not trying to fit in or force myself to them. If they want, they could. If they don't, then don't. It's that easy.

So now, I'm contented. But I will still be as friendly as ever.

However, I also met two new people. I think their names are Julinne and Pauline? I'm not sure. They're friendly and responsive and that actually helped my anxiety a bit.

On the side note, I started taking a morning walk and actually doing it, but I only did it for like 15 minutes, I guess. I really forced myself to take a morning stroll just to have some kind of exercise. I'm getting fat and I don't like it, so I have to do something.

15 minutes is a good start. I actually planned to do it for 30 minutes but I'm still starting, I shouldn't pressure myself. And also, I ran out of place to stroll. I don't want to go over or past the boundaries (like the highway because I'm scared).

That's it for now. Bye!

Sept. 5, 2023

FUCK! PE later unya I'm scared. GURL. I don't know anyone. I hate this feeling. I'm extremely insecure and introvert. Guess I have to fake being friendly.

One of the problems to switch sections I guess. But I did that because I'm traumatized bitch. I go from first section to fifth section. I hate it here.

Sept. 4, 2023

first day and it's all messy. i didn't wake up early thanks to my dumbass. i forgot to change the ringtone to my alarm. it was supposed to be kill this love by blackpink. and yes, it's kill this love. i know it's funny because the first part of the song was a loud trumpet and girl, that really helped me a lot.

i'm supposed to wake up in the morning at 5:30 am to prepare for my morning walk. i want to lose weight so i was thinking a daily 30 minute morning walk is a good idea since it helped me lose weight last time.

i'm also cutting back with my meal portions. i used to overeat so much. i'm very much conscious with my weight so i'm doing that. so far, so good. i'm still full but not TOO full.

it's the first day of class and the first sched it later afternoon 5:00 pm. how cool is that? usually my school time starts in the afternoon or night. this is what i wanted. that's it for now.

PS. I'm nervous tho.

mother

my mother was and still is a marcos apologist. he voted him during election. he fucking won. she celebrated.

marcos promised to lower the price of rice to 20 php/kilo. it didn't happen.

today, at dinner, mother complained for the overprice of rice and grocery.

hmmm... i wonder why?

a mermaid/siren type of concept. explore the wonders and mysteries of siren.

they enchant people, lure them to the deep sea. like how they attract audience.

idea for a boy group/girl group

hear me out:

what if there's a group (boy or girl) where there concept is friends having fun and driving a car. it's a journey. each stop/journey, it's an experience. a song. a meaning. it could be juvenile. it could be friends. it could be talking about social issues like teen pregnancy, or whatever.

it's a journey going to a big old city.

the album cover is them very chaotic, the members faces driving and riding a corvette. it's fun. no title, just their faces. it's a fun photoshoot. refer to caroline polacheck and angele album cover.

the album may include a map for all their stops and their journey to the big old city.

the genre may be similar to lady gaga's old soundscape, paired with beyonce's old songs, a hint of hyperpop, synthpop, europop, citypop, dance-pop, etc.

it's supposed to be fun, pretty, for pretty girls. also, fresh. we want something fresh.

work with a producer who hasn't heard any kpop-related. just KPOP in general.

the album cd, i'm thinking of an intro. remember when playing a dvd for a movie, there's always a fun animated intro. refer to spongebob dvd.

i also think the album, the physical one, should include fun and engaging stuff like a fun quiz, a game, kinda reminiscent to something you would do or play to a long and boring journey. we need excitement.

also MARKETING, MARKETING, MARKETING! plug the group anywhere.

fun photoshoot. aesthetic. random. more facial expressions.

HISTORY, HUH?

just finished watching rw&rb and GIRL! the amount of times i was giggling, kicking my feet, smiling? it was everything i ever dreamed of.

i am so gay rn.

chemistry was there, romance was there, jokes were funny, what more can you ask for?

tho i wish this should've been a series rather than a movie but nonetheless what's done is done and i'm not mad at it.

they really said: fuck the 'no chemistry' allegations coz GIRL the chemistry was astronomical.

the kisses, the cuddling, the lovey-dovey eyes??? i'm deceased.

at 11 pm (finished the movie at mid 12 am in 08/12/2023), i was screaming, squealing, giggling like a fucking fool BITCH!

i love nicholas. i love taylor. they're so perfect together.

i wish there's a sequel.

my gay heart is so happy right now.

SUMMARY OF WHAT HAPPENED PT. 2

Birthday sa akong friend and nag adto mi sa isa ka camp, religious camp siya but the place was nice.

Although nice siya, however naa koy issues:

Wala sila nag provide og habol. Red flag. I really thought sagot na sa family ang commodities like basic lang jud. Natulog ko na walay tarong na unlang. Although thankful ko kay naay tent but that's besides the point.

The common sink. It's supposed to be for washing dishes. The plumbing was shit. Guba ang tubo so everytime maghugas, ga awas awas ang tubig.

At nighttime, wala kaayo suga. Grabe ka gloomy ang place. Are they trying to cut off expenses?

The lack of seriousness. This will be the last group na dili mi mag seryoso. Imagine, didto mi naghimo sa among Ethics webinar? So naturally, wala koy concentration kay daghan distraction. Mga members kay grabe ka selfish. Mutulog lang walay ambag sa PPT. Gibasa ra pa jud. Walay explanation. The whole webinar was a mess. It was shit. Next time, if there's something crucial and important academic related things, cancel everything and focus on that. No more being fun. Maypag, gi isa isa nako sila og hatag sa responsibility. Like sabton jud ang materials, dili lang basahon.

SUMMARY OF WHAT JUST HAPPENED

Basically, kami duha ni Aaron ang in-charge sa floor plan and composite plan. At the end, nag regret mi sa among decision to take the responsibility kay na hassle mi.

Grabe kaayo sila ka demanding.

I hate it that this is the second time I've worked with ****** and not a single outcome chada. Tanan kay PANGIT.

Agka-progress nami sa amo floor plan, another changes napud.

So frustrating!

This is one of the reason why I don't like groups with huge number of members kay ang mahitabo kay ang uban members useless. Walay tino na mahitabo and mahimo kay isa isa, lahi ang tinuhuon, lahi ang opinion.

Okay-han rako sa group group na setting pero few members lang aron ma-utilize jud ang tanan members but then again, group activity in general is so not effective most of the time.

Ma-pride sila na tao. Dili gusto makadungog og critcism. Pangit ka bonding. Gusto nila ilaha na pamaagi ang gusto mahitabo.

Lack pajud mi og communication. All through out the process, once lang mi ka F2F og meeting.

No sense of sensitivity and initiative. Wala man lang nangutana or magtabang. PANGIT JUD PERIOD.

I WAS SO HUMILIATED KAY BACK TO BACK TO BACK ANG AMONG FAILURE. SOBRANG DISAPPOINTED NAJUD SI SIR I KNOW FOR SURE.

UBAN GROUP AND UBAN SECTION, NAKAYA MAN LAGI?

LIFE UPDATE pt. 2

HI THERE!

Life has been such a stressful thing to experience. A rollercoaster ride.

So many things happened.

First, our Midterm plate for AD was bullshit and a shithole. FUCK YOU **! FUCK YOU ***! FUCK YOU ***! YOU THREE BRING THE WORST IN ME. EAT SHIT!

We celebrated Arzhl's birthday at World of Life, somewhere in Iponan, near 7 Seas. It was an interesting experience.

I was mad, disappointed and hopeless with our Ethics webinar. It was shit!

Lately, everything is shit. Whatever comes out of me, literally and figuratively, are shit. I hate it here.

CHOOSE YOUR FRIENDS WISELY!