Flower (c.sc)

Flower (c.sc)

genre: HARD ANGST

pairing: S.Coups (Choi Seungcheol) x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - If I

word count: 2.3k

WARNINGS: major character death, mentions of blood, hospitalization, and disease.

summary: regret and mourning

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

If the word I said countlessly came true

Seungcheol tirelessly dragged his feet up the hospital stairs, quietly telling himself to stay strong for one more day before entering your hospital room. There wasn't much to the room you stayed in, it was just as bleak as the others in the building. Yours though had a vase full of vibrant flowers adorning the table beside the guest chair.

A bright smile graced your features at the sight of him. You were sitting upright to get a good look at the view outside of your hospital window before he walked in. Bright rays of sunlight leaked into your room, bathing you in the sun's warm hug. Your sketchbook lay open on the overbed table, two small aster flowers sitting on the page of a finished sketch of the plant.

Seungcheol gifted you a chaste kiss before placing his belongings next to the vase of flowers and pulled the guest chair to your bed, ready to talk to you about his day. Speckled scars from your IV needle graced the top of your hand, Seungcheol being cautious when taking your hand in his. The shared smiles and faint giggles in this bleak room were more than enough for him; even the quiet conversations and comforting silences were perfect to him, just as long as he was with you.

Seungcheol wanted to pretend that everything was normal. He wanted you to feel normal and happy despite the sudden relapse of your childhood disease. He wanted to pretend that your skin wasn’t losing its color each day that you remained in the hospital or that you weren’t dying and that any day could be your last. He clung to you, childishly, wanting to spend every minute with you.

If I, if I, if I

The to-do list, because I couldn’t do it, its meaning is completely changed

Seungcheol still had his share of responsibilities despite his wishes to stay by your side 24/7. He still had college and a job to pay rent, which he became disinterested in both. A growing number of absences began appearing on Seungcheol’s school record; the frequent warnings from his boss no longer bothered him. He could no longer concentrate on anything other than you, and his life was being affected by it.

Seungcheol would often reminisce about the memories with you outside of the hospital when your paling skin was still its vibrant color and your smile wider and brighter than it is now. Memories where you would drag him to different places that he had never seen or noticed before or experience something new and fun. Seungcheol smiled to himself, remembering how eager and wide-eyed you were to see the world even before the two of you started dating. He was able to experience and come to understand your perspective as an artist. And he admired you for it, your ability to see beauty in everything, even in him.

And within that month where Seungcheol finally managed to ask you out and become his significant other, he was able to experience pure love and adoration from you. It is because of this love he refuses to accept the reality coming between your relationship with him.

There was still so much that he wanted to do and see with you; the different dates and days that he could only envision with you in it would only remain in his imagination. Everything that he had planned out would remain undone ever since you were admitted to the hospital.

Seungcheol’s to-do list no longer consisted of different escapades with you, but only to see you smile every day.

If I, if I, if I

I didn’t want to calculate the widened angle between us

You knew you didn’t have much time left; the doctors informing you that your time is limited, the disease spreading through your body too fast to cure. Your sickness weakened your body each day; it was growing harder to wake up from the worsening fatigue. It was something that you didn't want to think about or bring up when you were with Seungcheol, despite him being aware of what was to come.

You could tell that your worsening health was taking a toll on him. You were aware that he was ditching classes and that his job position was being threatened. You knew that he wanted to spend all of his time with you and that you did too. You loved him with all that you had to give; he became your everything without realizing it.

You often cried about the thought of dying and leaving everything behind, usually when Seungcheol left for his night shift or those rare times that he was in school (after scolding him). There were times that you despised yourself for causing so much pain to the person you have grown to love. There were nights where you cried, wishing that you were never diagnosed with this cursed disease, that you had a life with no more medication and pain, to repay Seungcheol for all that he has done while you were, hospitalized. You hated being so weak in front of him, sometimes pushing him away even though you wanted him to stay with you. You cried in fear when he was not there with you, selfish tears falling during the night at the thought of him finding someone else to love apart from you.

As the number of days you spent in the hospital rose, the weaker your body became; the pain in your chest from heartbreak and disease became more evident as breathing became difficult day by day.

With a sudden urge to draw you focused your strength into grabbing the pencil laying on the crease of your sketchbook. Everyday actions had grown increasingly difficult with your weakening strength. The pencil felt heavy in your hand, like carrying bricks, and you brought your other to help stabilize your shaking hand. A quiet sob escaping your lips from frustration and anger as the line on the paper scribbled into nothing. The silent clinking of your pencil hitting the ground didn’t make it to your ears as hot tears fell down your face. Your hands fell to your sides, weak and tired from something so simple. A sudden pain struck your chest making your body lurch forward. A violent array of coughs erupted from you; small droplets of blood mixed with your saliva stained the blank pages of the sketchbook. With blurry vision, you continued to fight for air, the quickening noises of the heart monitor dulling into a loud ringing in your ears as fuzzy images of nurses rushed into the room.

Your eyes shifted to the corner of the room where a vase of wilting flowers sat. Its petals splayed on the guest table, brown and limp, some falling like the confetti for their funeral.

If I-

Seungcheol was looking at the bright colors of the flowers behind the shop's window on his way to you. The colors reminded him of you in a way; the flower’s vibrant petals livened up the dreary afternoon he was experiencing.  

It wasn’t the first time he had been in the shop; Seungcheol had been getting flowers for you here since you hospitalized that the employees at the store began to recognize him whenever he came by. Seungcheol purchased a bouquet of chrysanthemums, as recommended by the florist who told him that it symbolized joy and long life, before heading to the hospital to do his daily visit.

The sky was filled with dark clouds, hiding the sun when Seungcheol made it to the hospital entrance. There was a bad feeling in his stomach and the weather was not helping with his growing anxiety. His grip on the flowers tightened as he hurried his way up to the floor your room was on.

Seungcheol felt his stomach drop at the sight of nurses rushing in and out of your room. He slowly staggered to your open door, pushing through some of the nurses crowding the area to get to you.

Visions and images of you came flooding into his mind as he inched closer to the door, his mind imagined your smiling face, smiling for him and him alone, and you that would jump into his arms and press kisses on his face telling him that you had healed. He imagined walking with you, hand in hand, out of this grim place and taking you to the beaches of Jeju, dancing on the shoreline. And he imagined saying his vows to you, dressed up so prettily with his friends and family around the two of you, and seeing his ring sit on your finger forever.

Seungcheol stopped breathing at the sight of your limp hand dangling on the edge of your bed.

Nurses pushed him out of the way in a rush to save you as he stood there, the chaos in the hall filtered out by the loud ringing of the flat line on your heart monitor. The ringing didn’t stop.

I’m late but even now, my eyes and mouth are full of you; A day passes and the regret is too deep- I’m drowning in it

Jihoon had been the one to take Seungcheol out of the hospital. He received a call earlier from the hospital, Jihoon's number being listed under Seungcheol’s emergency contact papers after your name, telling him to remove Seungcheol from the waiting room.

Jihoon quickly grabbed Seungcheol's prepped overnight bag and brought him to his apartment complex. The tight-lipped man didn’t want his friend to be by himself, so he welcomed Seungcheol to stay with him until he was stable enough to be on his own.

Seungcheol felt himself drifting. His head and heart felt empty as if he were floating in space, drifting aimlessly forever without anywhere to go.

Nothing felt real to him anymore; he would often think that he was stuck in the void that your passing had created in his head.

There were times where he would close the world out, where everything would turn black. And suddenly, you would appear, your skin returned to its glowing and natural color, your smile would be shining as it always did whenever he saw you, and your hand would take him, so warm and alive, pulling him into the embrace that he craved and begged so much to have one last time.

His eyes filled to the brim with tears for you, soft broken whimpers of your name escaping his mouth during the night that Jihoon would hear through the thin bedroom walls of the guest room while working. Jihoon could only hang his head in shame, praying for his friend to find peace with your passing.

Seungcheol felt like he was drowning, regret building inside of him. His hopes and dreams that he wished to fulfill with you suffocated him.

If I could have given you the proper support…

If I could have given you that last kiss…

If I could have given you that last ‘I love you’…

If I could still have time.

I’ll do whatever to love you again.

~

Where you going, where are you going

Why do I feel my grip loosening

My fist holding onto the edge of your clothes

Why am I losing strength

Our path, our promise to be together

Is already thwarted and you walk away

Turning your back on me

 It reduces to a single dot

It’s too empty outside of that interest

I hope that that dot

Comes back before me and turns into you

 If I could

If I could

If I could

I’ll do whatever

…

Seungcheol stands in front of your grave years after your death, a fresh aster flower in his hand as he reminisces on the memories the two of you shared in your younger years. These memories that could only bring him sadness in the past made him smile, time allowing his wound of you to heal in his heart. The thoughts of "what could have been" were able to fade with time as well.

Sometimes though, a few tears would escape. Seungcheol let out a sniffle, a dopey smile gracing his features as he apologized to you. He gently placed the flower on your headstone, his fingers tracing the grooves of your carved name on the stone as he did every time he visited you. He let his hand linger just a bit longer on your grave as he longed silently, hoping his prayers get to you. A ring of love adorned his ring finger as the rays of the sun bounced off the metal. Seungcheol’s face now with visible signs of age, smiled once more at your grave, whispering the words he wished he could have said to you before your passing,

 “I’ll love you forever my flower.”

 If we can walk this path together again

I want to hold your hands and give you warmth

If I hold your cheeks with warmed hands

Will you smile again for me?

Then let’s do.

 If I

I’m gonna start writing some stuff huehue,, It’ll take a while to post them because of my hectic schedule but I’m feeling ✨creative✨

Korean Traditional Mungbean Pancake (h.vc)

genre: fluffy

pairing: dad!vernon x reader

word count: 1k

summary: vernon’s child being daddy’s little girl ;;

author’s notes: posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Vernon’s smile never went away whenever he saw his daughter, Haneul. He sat in front of her crib cooing at his baby, wiggling his fingers in front of her face with a bright smile as she delightfully garbled at the moving object. Vernon felt his heart swell as her tiny hand wrapped around his pinky finger, a squeal emitting from Haneul in glee for catching his hand. There were two gummy smiles when you entered the room with a bowl of chopped up strawberries for Haneul.

“Haneul~ Do you want strawberries?” you say in a sing-song voice while taking a seat on the floor next to your husband. Vernon carefully took her out of the crib and placed her down next to him. Haneul took this opportunity to crawl around the living room area, Vernon watching her with a bright smile on his face.

Haneul was growing so quickly in front of your very eyes, she was already 10 months old and could crawl so fast you always had to keep an eye on her. You sometimes swore that she could teleport, finding her on the other side of the house when she was in the same room as you a few seconds before. Nonetheless, she was able to inherit Vernon’s curly hair, gummy smile, and hazel eyes which made her incredibly adorable.

“Haneul, I have strawberries for you,” you cooed at her. Haneul didn’t listen and continued crawling towards a ladybug plush laying on the floor. You and Vernon watched your child grab the ladybug and begin to babble at it, as if she was making conversation with the plushie. You tried calling for her one more time, “Haneul, mommy has strawberries for you~”

Haneul looked up at you this time but then returned back to her conversation with the ladybug. You sighed and started poking at the fruit in the bowl. Vernon grinned at your pouty behavior and put his arm around your waist, pulling you closer to him. He quickly snatched some of the cubed strawberries and popped them into his mouth, a glare being sent his way for taking your daughter’s snacks. Vernon giggled and kissed the top of your head before calling out to your daughter.

“Pancake, mommy has some food for you~” he called out, receiving an immediate response from Haneul. She quickly abandoned the ladybug and began crawling over to the two of you, a gummy smile on her chubby face as she climbed onto her father’s lap, smushing her face into his chest in an attempt of a hug. Vernon’s giddy smile met your deadpan expression as he wrapped his arms around his child making sure she wouldn’t fall, “Pancake look, mommy has strawberries for you!” Vernon gently nudged Haneul to look at the bowl in your hands, an excited squeal eliciting from the baby as she began to grab for the fruit. The two of you watched your baby chew the soft fruit, wiping away the juice that stained her face with a washcloth you had brought with you.

You then turned to look at Vernon who was adoringly watching his daughter’s tiny hands wrap around the strawberry cubes. “You know, you should probably stop calling her ‘Pancake’ before she responds to that more than her real name,” you prodded, to which he snickered to.

“Well, you’re just jealous that you’re not the only Pancake in my life,” he teased you. You flushed and rolled your eyes remembering how “Pancake” was his pet name for you after messing around with him when the two of you were still dating. A harmless joke of you spamming a certain clip of Vernon’s younger self singing Han Bok-nam’s Bindaetteok Gentleman those many years ago soon became your contact name in his phone and the nickname that he would call you if he were in a teasing mood.

You scoffed, “I’m not jealous of my daughter, Hand Soap,” silently giggling at his face contort at the mention of the old nickname, “I just want Haneullie to pay attention to mommy too.”

As if she understood what you were said, Haneul looked up at you with her big hazel eyes before climbing onto your lap. As you held her, you gently wiped her mouth as she grabbed another strawberry cube and brought it up to your mouth. You smiled and allowed her to feed you the strawberry, her juice covered hands colliding with your face making Vernon laugh at your now messy face.

You wiped yourself and her hands afterwards, carrying her to the kitchen to wash her hands. Vernon finished the remaining strawberry cubes and set the bowl in the sink after the two of you put Haneul in her little play area.

“But you know,” you started as Vernon quietly washed the dishes, “I do miss you calling me ‘Pancake’ every now and then.” You looked up at your husband who had a sickening grin on his face screaming ‘I knew it’. You immediately flushed in embarrassment and turned away to continue drying the plate in your hand.

“Awe Pancake!” your child of a husband teasingly exclaimed as he rushed to finish washing the remaining dishes in the sink. It was not even a few minutes later when you felt his arms snake around your torso and his face coming close to yours from behind, “I’ll call you Pancake from now on if it makes you happy~” He blew a small puff of air into your ear before nuzzling into the crook of your neck, you could feel his teasing grin on your skin. You flushed and scoffed while placing the plate in the cabinet above you before turning around and burying your face into his chest.

“You’re so stupid Hand Soap,” you mumbled, loud enough for him to hear it, before looking up at him and planted a chaste kiss on his grinning lips.

A small garble from your baby could be heard snapping the two of you out of your loving gaze. Hand in hand, the two of you made your way back into the living room to go watch over your baby.

All was well in the Chwe household today too.

author’s note:

so are we not going to mention Hand Soap..? LMAOAOSODOA it was some pun that i made up on the spot because I had Hansol’s name repeating in my head,, it somehow transformed into Hand Soap LOL

read Korean Traditional Mung Bean Pancake here!

My Dawn (c.sc)

genre: fluffity fluff (and a smudge of angst)

pairing: Choi Seungcheol x reader

series: Song Fic Series! - Our Dawn is Hotter Than Day

word count: ~800

summary: a scenic beach walk with a child your man (no but seriously I’m insanely soft please hug him)

author’s notes: are posted separately!! take a look if you’re feeling bored LOL

MASTERLIST

Seungcheol carefully closed the door of the shared bedroom, making sure none of the boys woke up from the sound of the creaking door.

6:47 AM the digital clock read, as the excited boy shuffled his way out of the beach house to you.

You silently waited for him in a summer dress and cardigan, one hand on the house’s gate to the beach and a flashlight in the other. A bright smile made its way to your face when you saw Seungcheol close the door to the house clad in a bomber jacket and white shorts and a matching bucket hat. A water bottle and second flashlight in his pocket, along with a blanket tucked under his arm. A gummy smile meeting yours as he bounded towards you, clasping hands with yours before heading out to the empty beach.

The night was still evident, some stars still shining in the dark sky. The moon was slowly descending and was getting ready to welcome the brilliant light of the sun.

With your flashlights acting as your only light source, the two of you spread the blanket that Seungcheol had brought with him and settled down on it, your hands in each other’s as the two of you watched the stars slowly move, side by side. You pointed out some of the constellations that you remembered and while he jokingly made jagged shapes out of the stars.

You snuggled into his side taking in the familiar smell of his cologne and the salt from the sea. A sigh escaped from him as he wrapped an arm around you, his other hand holding onto your free hand. He continued to stargaze, looking deeper into the night wondering how in the world he gained someone as precious as you. It almost brings him to tears how lucky he was to have someone like you. Someone who remained by his side no matter what happened, through thick and thin, and someone who comforted him whenever he felt anxious.

You were always there to hold him when he needed you the most.

The sky’s blue became more evident, the night slowly fading into day.

Seungcheol felt your thumb softly rubbing against his, bringing him back to reality. He twisted his head a bit to bury his nose in your hair and left a kiss there. You nuzzled into his side one last time before looking up at him and watched a bright smile appear after cupping your face and leaving a tender kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes rivalled the stars, your smile brighter than the moonlight at midnight, he thought quietly to himself as he gazed down at you with loving eyes. You then sat up and leaned towards him, lightly pressing your foreheads against each other. Seungcheol slowly sat up, an arm secure around your waist so your touching foreheads didn’t part, as the two of you closed your eyes and enjoyed the present, each other’s presence, and the sound of the waves crashing on the surface.

His long eyelashes tickled your cheek and you giggled, the both of you opening your eyes to look each other with starry filled eyes. You pressed a quick peck on his lips. And before he could even pout for more, you shot up from your seat on the blanket and playfully ran away from him. A wide grin stretched Seungcheol’s face, a small chuckle escaping him before playfully yelling while running towards you.

The sun began to peek out of the horizon.

His laughs increased as the distance between the two of you decreased. You ran where the sand and water met, squealing as he closed in on you. The sound of splashing water was louder now, you released a loud squeal as he wrapped his arms around your wiggling body from behind, his burly laugh bringing you to release a string of laughter as well. A faint heart with both of your initials inside engraved in the sand near your feet was being washed away slowly by the sea.

Seungcheol held you tightly against his chest and placed a quick peck on your neck as the two of you swayed in place. Your back against his chest, hearts beating in sync, the feeling the sea’s waves softly tickling your feet.

The two of you watched as the sun rise out of the horizon together.

A new dawn,

A new memory,

A new adventure,

 With you.

 Our dawn is hotter than day

 ~

 When everyone’s asleep

It’s so beautiful

Your smile resembles the moonlight

Your wave-like laughter brightens the night

And tickles my ears

…

The faraway light Becomes our memory

Under the overflowing waves

We leave our letters Engraving our names...

 Our dawn is hotter than day

Till morning comes.

Falling (h.js)

~a mini blurb for Joshua~

song used: Regent’s Park by Bruno Major

MASTERLIST

Joshua gently placed your hand in his as the other sat at the small of your back. It was a standard slow dance position, his eyes twinkling down at yours as the two of you started swaying to Bruno Major’s Reagent’s Park. The soft reverb of the song allowed the two of you to get lost in each other’s eyes, something that rarely happened because of your clashing schedules, but the two of you held each other close, swaying to the song.

He gently spun you around, a bubble of your giggles releasing into the air, him bringing you close to his chest after. There were sickening smiles on your faces as you stared at each other. You gently placed your arms around his neck before burying your face in his chest, feeling it vibrate from his soft laughter. His strong arms wrapped around your torso and planted a lingering kiss on your hair, taking in the comforting scent of your shampoo. 

It was a simple two-step dance; the song itself is short, but the nearly 3-minute song felt like forever as the two of you bathed in each other’s presence, something that the two of you haven’t been able to do for a while. You reminisced of the memories of your high school prom, now slow dancing with him in your living room instead of the dingy school gym. Your thoughts faded as he placed his hand on your cheek, wishing to see your face once more, his heart swelling at the sight of you.

And he kissed you. 

It was a gentle kiss as if he would break you if he kissed you harder. But it was pure, pure innocence and love, his soft lips brushing against yours before pressing together again. Your hand rested on his as he gently rubbed your cheek; the matching silver bands of love on your fingers glinted in the city lights as he continued to hold you close. He smiled against your lips, soft giggles releasing from the both of you as your noses bumped against each other.

And as he looked at you with his soft eyes once more, you felt yourself falling in love with him once more.