Hhhhhhhhhhhh

Hhhhhhhhhhhh

I hate it SO MUCH

This stuff is basically impossible to parody.

BUT ALSO

Non passing trans masc (I TRY but it never fucking works), and I get treated like a woman who refuses to conform to gender norms and is thus In Need Of Corrective Violence.

I've been lucky that being white and bougie means that the violence is almost always emotional. But I've also been straight up abused.

So yeah gtfo with that shit. Trans femme and trans masc solidarity or bust

Here's a key part of the transfemme experience that is very overlooked: when you don't pass, people don't actually see you as a man, or treat you like a man.

I've been rejected by 3 agents!

During one semester of PE in high school I got put in a section called Team Sports. This was significantly better than a regular unit because the athletic kids were able to play and I largely got to sit and watch.

Months were devoted to what they called Pickle Ball but I’ve since learned was basically ping pong with larger than average paddles. The paddles had been through the absolute wringer, all padding had been rubbed and torn off by a relentless stream of bored adolescents like myself.

This presented me with a unique opportunity. I had a pencil, nominally used to keep score. I had a blank wooden panel. And I had large stretches of time sitting on the sidelines.

Every day I’d pick a blank paddle. I’d doodle little animals, bizarre monstrosities, and a bunch that were just a huge eye in the middle with the words “Big Brother is Watching”. What can I say; I was reading 1984 at the time.

When we finally finished with the paddles and moved on to badminton I completely forgot my dozens of illustrations.

It wasn’t until several years later that it got brought up again. I was hanging out with a friend and their younger sibling. We were listening to them lament their high school experience of the day. “But I won the Pegasus paddle, so that was cool.”

“Wait- what?”

“Yeah, most of them are just Big Brother, so they’re not exciting, but there’s only one Pegasus so we fight over it. Last week I had an elephant I really liked though.”

“You guys fight over the paddles with art on them…?”

“Yeah!”

My friend turned to me and asked, “Didn’t you make all those drawings?”

Their sibling lit up, “You made them?!”

I sat in silence as the complexity of the world and the waves we leave behind as we move through it washed over me. I contemplated how intertwined I was with the rest of existence to create such a beautiful moment.

I had made art on a whim out of boredom and it had an effect on someone else’s day, someone who through random happenstance years later was telling me about it all unknowing.

Their sibling was delighted when I drew them another pegasus on the spot and announced that they’d be the talk of PE now that they’d uncovered the mystery artist.

Today in niche genres of joke that I can never get enough of and will probably still be secretly thinking about four years later

I found out that a friend I was decently close with had sexually assaulted another friend, and she was so afraid to tell me about it that she had a third friend approach me to feel me out. It turned out he'd been trying to manipulate me into defending him, and also he'd been lying to me about other stuff.

I took GREAT SATISFACTION in writing an absolute masterpiece of a "you are dead to me, now fuck off into the sun forever" email.

So yeah. Friend breakup emails can be real fucking satisfying

sometimes I think I want the formality of romantic breakups applied to friendships ending but then I remember how much formal friendship breakups suck and haunt you ten times longer