I Hit 100 Subs On Open Invitation

I hit 100 subs on Open Invitation 😭😭😭

I did not intend what originally started as a one shot of Astarion getting shredded by a feral cat to become a 150k+ word longfic but here we are. It’s been part of me since February when I posted it, and as I’m working through act 3 plot lines now, I know it’s coming to an end sooner rather than later. It’s going to be weird?

It’s not the best written fic - I’m very out of practice having not written seriously since 2017, and it’s pretty grim and depressing and heavy in places. Sometimes I worry that it *is* a bummer and that’s why it doesn’t get the engagement that fluffy cute lighthearted fics get, but those are stories for other people to tell: this one is mine - a story I need to tell - darkness and all. If I don’t tell it no one will, and I’m absolutely mind blown that there exist 100 people in this entire world that want to know when it’s updated.

1 person or 100. They all mean the world to me.

Thank you 🤍

Hi my name is Shadow Dementia Dark’ness Raven Heart and I have long shadowy black hair (that’s how I got my name) with short bangs and a silver diadem and mossy green eyes like cool shaded ponds and a lot of people tell me I look like I could be a Dark Justiciar (AN: if u don’t know what that is get da hell out of here!). I’m a half-elf but my ears are elegant and tapering. I have pale white skin. I’m also a True Soul, but I’m on a quest to defeat the Absolutist cult. I’m a follower of Shar (in case you couldn’t tell) and I wear mostly black. For example today I was wearing black sandals and black leather leggings and a low-cut black corset top with leather straps and metal studs. A lot of Selûnites stared at me. I put my middle finger up at them.

don't know which creatives need to hear this today, but you cannot let the hunger for recognition and attention rule you.

it is completely normal to want recognition for the things we create. that is a basic human emotion. I made something and put it out there, witness me! it feels good to be seen. it nourishes us.

that said, we also have to find the balance between that craving for validation and finding validation within ourselves. I've worked with creatives for most of my life, I've BEEN one most of my life, and if you require a nebulous level of external validation to maintain your love of the thing, you will always be left wanting. it doesn't matter how much, how big, how known, how admired, how applauded. it will never be enough. you will always need more. the next hit. what that person has. what that OTHER person has. what that OTHER-OTHER person has.

this isn't to say that you should NEVER need validation. of course you do and should. it's one of the core tenets of raising any human being -- people of any age need to feel seen and heard. but we also need to be able to self-soothe, self-regulate, and self-help.

it's really easy to say "do something because you love to do it," but creative endeavors aren't that straightforward. sometimes you will, in fact, HATE doing it. it will be difficult or draining. that's normal, too. creation is not just an act of joy. it's an act of pain, of labor, of never feeling good enough.

so, no, don't "stop caring" about being recognized for your creativity. just don't let that need for recognition rule you. some of that has to come from within.

vampire miku!!!! ❤️🦇💟