Im Looking Into Autism For Myself, And I Think I May Be Autistic? The Thing Is I Dont Really See Enough

I’m looking into autism for myself, and I think I may be autistic? The thing is I don’t really see enough like… examples when it comes to meltdowns or shutdowns or missing social cues. So off it’s not too much trouble… could you maybe share some experiences so I have a better idea??

Certainly! Followers are totally okay to give their own examples, because these can be very individual.

Social Interaction Difficulties:

Not understanding how to perform small talk

Listening/eaves dropping in on other people's conversations in order to create scripts in your head so you can act out successful interactions

Same as above, but learning conversation through books or TV/movies

Getting exhausted from conversations or navigating social situations

Needing days or weeks to recover after social interaction.

Anxiety over interaction because you don't understand how to do it and you dread the exhaustion and the mental leaps it's going to take to do it. This is different to social anxiety, where you dread messing up or being seen as incompetent.

Difficulty holding conversations. You may trail off mid-sentence, talk continuously so that the other person feels like they can't respond, or struggle to listen and respond to the other person.

Difficulty making or keeping friends. May also not be able to define what a friend is.

Low eye contact or no eye contact.

No vocal tone (monotone) or improper vocal tone to what is being said (this can also be due to other reasons other than social difficulties).

No body language or incorrect body language (also can be due to other reasons).

Meltdowns:

Can be sudden or a slow build up

Sensory input can suddenly feel too intense or painful

Often accompanied by an intense need for the input to stop

Stimming often increases. If standard stims don't help, more aggressive stimming may be used such as self-harm, screaming or full body movements such as running back and forth

Has no end goal other than for the sensory input to stop.

Communication is limited and the person may not be in control of their actions.

Some people may be able to hold back meltdowns, but this is very bad for their mental health as the damage continues and they are not able to release the pent up energy.

Sensory input may include: noise, lights, smells, touch, taste, delayed emotional responses, inability to communicate effectively, delayed sensory input (the build up happened mainly before the current moment) or sudden input.

May be accompanied by a time of "reset" (also called a shutdown) where you don't move or respond.

Shutdowns:

As in meltdowns, but no outward signs are given.

Often described as "an internal meltdown". Many Autistics describe these as worse than a physical meltdown, as no relief is given from stims and those around you may be unable to attend to your needs to remove the input.

yall. i see a lot about masking, and i just wanted to ask that, well personally, i dont mask. and i feel like thats weird because i keep hearing how, it feels like everybody else is in some form masking?

i dont even know what masking entails, what it is, i only know some very few information that it is like, well one is wanting to touch stuff but dont? idk, i just, if i wanna touch something, i touch it. but im not obsessively touching stuff. i dont like, stim either, in the autistic way, im sorry if that came across as rude i just wanna say i dont do it because of autism, i do it because of my severe anxiety. i only do stuff, crossing arms, twisting foot, idk how to explain it, if im stood still, i will like, bend my foot so it looks like it might break but it wont lol...etcetc, are those even stims? they dont sound like it now that i wrote some down haha, because i have severe anxiety and i feel like im gonna pass out and vomit when im out of the house. i have a whole ass YEAR left until i begin my cbt therapy. i dont even know if thats gonna help, i tried it before years ago but pretty much gave up because i felt it didnt do anything and im depressed af and have zero motivation. because im never gonna get better anyways. i had a nurse telling me that too ages ago and i still remember it because he was all like "so im not supposed to tell you this because its private information about me, but you'll never get better from this. this is a lifelong issue you'll have to deal with for the rest of your life, because i have it too" real comforting when you just told that person you wanna kill yourself because you suffer so bad. i feel like he wants me to kill myself so they'll rid a troubling annoying person. but anyways!

oh yea! another one is forced eye contact, i dont do that either haha, i look up people in the eye, or in the middle, and then if i dont wanna, i dont. so im sure i dont mask and is that normal? is there anybody else out here that dont either?

yall, a list of various ways of masking would be appreciated so i know whether i am or not, even though im preeeeeetty sure that i do not.

thank you. and i hope you have a good week.

I'll answer this in parts.

1 - Autistic masking is the conscious and unconscious act of pretending to be neurotypical.

Conscious versions of this are things like practicing conversations, practicing facial expressions in a mirror, watching others communicate so that you can mimic them. However, unlike neurotypicals or allistics (non-autistics), at no point do we feel comfortable or confident in doing these performances. It's exhausting and we're very aware of our actions and other's actions.

Unconcious versions of masking are those that are drilled in to us either by society, family (on purpose or not), bullying etc. These include forcing facial expressions, forcing eye contact, forcing vocal tone, holding back or permanently repressing stimming, ignoring special interests due to mocking or bullying, enduring adverse sensory experiences etc. These are often enforced from infancy and we may not even be aware we're doing it. But we are aware we're exhausted from tasks others are not.

Unconcious and conscious masking mix and match. They're fluid, and not everyone experiences the same versions.

2 - Not every autistic masks. Higher needs may not mask, intellectual disabilities may prohibit it, and supportive families may never enforce it. Some autistics grow up and refuse to mask any longer. And many different versions of this, too.

3 - Everyone stims. Stimming is any repetitive behaviour that is used to modify external or internal input via a soothing behaviour. Autistics and many other NDs simply do it a lot more and have more variety. So, yes. If what you described is done in order to add input or block out input, it's stimming.

4 - Not all Autistics struggle with eye contact. Whilst clinicians use it as this big indicator, it's really not.

5 - Lastly, that nurse who spoke to you in that moment of need was a complete ass. Anxiety is difficult, but it's not the end of the road. If CBT therapy didn't help, it may be that you need a modified version, or try something different all together. There are many different therapies and avenues. There is hope, you just need to figure out what road is yours.

i get so worried im faking autism and adhd because i also have anxiety and some of the symptoms are the same... do you have any advice/ideas on how to differenciate the three?

If you're worried you're faking it, then you're not faking it. Faking is a willful act.

And as you've probably seen me mention in other replies, the why is the key factor. Plus, anxiety is highly comorbid in both autism and ADHD. So, you can have all 3! I certainly do. And they affect each other in many different ways.

Anyone else notice that when Hunter said that they are "CT 99s", Gregor said "defective clones"? As in that's what being a CT 99 means?

One particular clone's name just went from odd (and perhaps a bit interesting) to sad (and me wanting to punch whatever clone named him that).