Im Looking Into Autism For Myself, And I Think I May Be Autistic? The Thing Is I Dont Really See Enough

I’m looking into autism for myself, and I think I may be autistic? The thing is I don’t really see enough like… examples when it comes to meltdowns or shutdowns or missing social cues. So off it’s not too much trouble… could you maybe share some experiences so I have a better idea??

Certainly! Followers are totally okay to give their own examples, because these can be very individual.

Social Interaction Difficulties:

Not understanding how to perform small talk

Listening/eaves dropping in on other people's conversations in order to create scripts in your head so you can act out successful interactions

Same as above, but learning conversation through books or TV/movies

Getting exhausted from conversations or navigating social situations

Needing days or weeks to recover after social interaction.

Anxiety over interaction because you don't understand how to do it and you dread the exhaustion and the mental leaps it's going to take to do it. This is different to social anxiety, where you dread messing up or being seen as incompetent.

Difficulty holding conversations. You may trail off mid-sentence, talk continuously so that the other person feels like they can't respond, or struggle to listen and respond to the other person.

Difficulty making or keeping friends. May also not be able to define what a friend is.

Low eye contact or no eye contact.

No vocal tone (monotone) or improper vocal tone to what is being said (this can also be due to other reasons other than social difficulties).

No body language or incorrect body language (also can be due to other reasons).

Meltdowns:

Can be sudden or a slow build up

Sensory input can suddenly feel too intense or painful

Often accompanied by an intense need for the input to stop

Stimming often increases. If standard stims don't help, more aggressive stimming may be used such as self-harm, screaming or full body movements such as running back and forth

Has no end goal other than for the sensory input to stop.

Communication is limited and the person may not be in control of their actions.

Some people may be able to hold back meltdowns, but this is very bad for their mental health as the damage continues and they are not able to release the pent up energy.

Sensory input may include: noise, lights, smells, touch, taste, delayed emotional responses, inability to communicate effectively, delayed sensory input (the build up happened mainly before the current moment) or sudden input.

May be accompanied by a time of "reset" (also called a shutdown) where you don't move or respond.

Shutdowns:

As in meltdowns, but no outward signs are given.

Often described as "an internal meltdown". Many Autistics describe these as worse than a physical meltdown, as no relief is given from stims and those around you may be unable to attend to your needs to remove the input.

Finally, someone put this into words! Crosshair is a relatable antagonist! Say it louder for all the haters to hear!!!

I also think this works as a good way to explain his behavior without the chip (yes I think it was removed, though I doubt the Empire was behind it, there's no reason for them to do it).

Crosshair is really the only character in the Bad Batch that I care about, and a lot of people hate him. Which is fine because he's a fictional character, that's your right, but I just find him so interesting.

Chips and treatments and other manipulations aside, he's a person who has been told his entire life that his only value is as a weapon and a killer, and he decides to stay with the only people who still appreciate that value.

He doesn't question the morality of his actions because he's never had to before; they always trusted the republic were the good guys but what choice did they have, really? What choice did any of them have?

He's too prideful to fade into obscurity, and that's his flaw. But his reality is that he only has one skill to offer the world (or at least, he believes he does) so his options are limited, and none of them are particularly morally upstanding.

He's someone in a difficult position who makes mistakes and bad decisions, who feels abandoned by the people he loves, and who is willing to do anything to prove his worth, and I find that infinitely more entertaining than characters who do no wrong.

Everyone else seems to have their soapbox lately when it comes to Star Wars and representation, so here's mine.

On Autism representation.

I can't think of many examples, but the two that spring to my mind are Thrawn and Tech from TBB. In my opinion, I think they are both done well.

I haven't seen much complaining about Thrawn, but the Tech posts have been rampant. Saying he's tone-deaf, unfeeling, robotic, and misses the point frequently. People have said that this is bad representation. The thing is, that is how Autism can present itself, especially in someone that has been more socially isolated. Something that Tech experiences. His social life is limited to the rest of TBB (which all have various aspects of neurodivergency themselves) , Kaminoans (who are an entirely different species and culture that are also isolated), and the other Clones (who have been shown to treat TBB badly).

I see so many traits in him that I see in myself, my family, and a friend of mine. All of these people fall somewhere on the Autism spectrum. Because that's what Autism is, a spectrum. Everyone experiences it differently.

-leg bouncing when he's anxious

-info-dumping

-meticulously collecting information about topics that he's interested in

-not understanding "it's a feeling" in relation to flying

-frustration when things aren't going according to plan and when the things they are supposed to do are interrupted

-seemingly tone-deaf direct comments on what he sees

-focusing on what's important to him and ignoring other things around him

Everytime he does one of these things, I smile to myself, because I feel seen. The reactions of others around him are so accurate as well. Hunter rolling his eyes/shaking his head. Wrecker saying "yeah yeah we know". I've experienced those reactions my whole life.

Before you criticize representation, and automatically assume that it's bad because it might not be perfect, consider the opinions of those represented. Not their family members, not health professionals, not what you think it is.

Also that ableism term you all like to throw around? Dismissing the experiences of those with the conditions you're critiquing because they don't fit into your narrative is far more ableist than the thing you think is bad.

Oh. My. FORCE. How did I not notice that?

Wait, so the the original four are pretty obvious, but where do Echo and Omega fit into this? I mean, Omega could be April (clueless but fiesty at the beginning, eventually becomes one of the badasses), but I'm lost on Echo. Also, any ideas for AZI and Gonky?

The realization that Crosshair is the Raphael of the family just hit me like a train

Tech's behavior throughout this whole story is CHEF'S 👏 FUCKING 👏 KISS! 👏💋 Sympathized and agonized thought the whole thing. Well done!

Burning House

The sound of screams are easier than just my thoughts with no one here. But it’s too late, but it’s too late

─── ❖ ── ✦ ── ❖ ───

Sobbing. That's what filled Havoc when the jump was complete. Omega fell to the ground and started crying. Wrecker picked her up and she continued to wail, even as he tried to calm her down. "We'll get him back, we'll get him back-" Wrecker whispered, rocking her back and forth.

In the cockpit, Echo took off his helmet, biting his cheek as he thought what they were going to have to do. Tech sat there, unable to move as he listened to Omega cry, his skin begun to crawl. "Hunter use to cry a lot..." Tech muttered. His voice was barely above a whisper, "Omega sounds like him-" Echo looked over, "He'd cry, he never stopped crying, they'd take him away, put him in a sensory deprivation tank, then when he came back, he'd cry even more-" Tech rambled. But his voice was dull, as if it wasn't even his voice at all.

"-We need to go back! Wrecker! We need Hunter!" I need Hunter! Omega screamed, hitting Wrecker's chest. Who, of course, took all the pain, took every hit, and made not a single reaction. He only continued to hold her and love her.

"We'll get him back-" was all Wrecker could say, he wished she'd stop crying. Hunter, you need to stop crying, it'll make it worse.

"Get him to stop crying, please-" Tech held himself tightly as he begun to shut down. He needed Hunter to stop crying.

"Omega, Omega's crying." Echo said, Tech's head jolted to look at Echo, pure shock on his face. Tech opened up his mouth to speak but all that came out was a squeak as his eyes started to tear up. He never made mistakes like that, he never made mistakes like this. But this, was the second time it happened.

Echo's eyes went wide, seeing Tech's eyes fall apart and in a second, Tech took off his helmet and Echo couldn't help to notice the way his hands shook, Tech's hands never shook. "Omega," Tech spoke, telling himself not to make that mistake again. He tried to hold his helmet, but his hands would start shaking, his bones started to ache, he had to move them, he couldn't keep still. Tech shook his head, discomfort growing until, at last, he threw his helmet on the ground, slamming it on the ground.

"Tech!" Echo jumped up, but Tech, all his moving, and shaking, he'd stopped, he'd forced himself. Inside, Tech was forcing himself not to move, not to blink, not the breath. "Tech." Echo went to his brother as Wrecker came in to see what happened, Omega still crying. Echo gave Wrecker a blank stare, "Tech we're gonna get him back, we just gotta make a plan-"

"I'm aware that we'll get him back!" Tech hissed, standing up, making his brothers jump and Omega turned to look. She stopped crying. "I'm aware of what needs to happen but this never should have happened! We should never have been placed in such a situation where we are missing two of our brothers!" He screamed as he fumed, crying as he did, unable to control everything inside that had just broken loose. They all stared at him. He hated to be stared at.

He looked at them as they looked at him, he tried to pull himself back together, holding himself as if that would shove everything back inside. But he had simply shattered. He couldn't look at them and he didn't want to be in his body. He wanted to disappear, to hide away, he hated this attention. He had been frozen but he couldn't help his shaking. Scared of what they'd say, scared of what they'd think. He was completely terrified, he was only terrified. "I," He looked at them, eyes wide, filled with that terror that crept up his body, whispering in his ear, 'You left them, Crosshair and Hunter, they're going to hate you-' it whispered in Tech's ear. "He ordered me to leave him-"

"He ordered all of us to," Echo spoke softly and slowly. He didn't see past the terrified look on Tech's face, "It isn't your fault." We're not gonna blame you if we never get him back. We're going to blame ourselves.

"No, no he didn't. He said my name, he ordered me." Tech corrected Echo, "It's going to be my fault, just like it would have been my fault if Wrecker hadn't woken up, how it's my fault we keep leaving Crosshair-

"Tech-"

"Don't inturrupt me!" Tech yelled, "I hate it when you do that!" He knew he was being irrational, he'd talk himself down soon enough. So right now, he didn't care. Hunter was gone and for all the logic in the universe, Tech felt it was his fault. It was his fault. He couldn't be here any longer. He needed to hide from his shame brought upon by the wide-eyed look of his brothers and sister. He looked down, cursing himself, all he could do was leave the room. He needed to leave.

As he left, there was a stillness that flowed through them all, defeat. Their brother, they just abandoned, but this brother, the absence of this brother was as if they had one lung instead of two, possible to live, but much too hard and failure to adapt is always possible. Tech, was failing. "Sorry.." He mumbled as he left. He had nothing else to say. Echo and Wrecker just watched, they did not blame him for being unable to exist without Hunter. This was different. Losing Hunter was different. They didn't have a replacement for Hunter.

"Tech!" Omega cried out, unable to do anything else. It was the only thing she could do, yell. Which made Tech freeze. He turned his head slightly, waiting for Omega to speak, "Don't leave us too-" She begged through tears. Tech lingered there in the doorway, thoughts racing, he then looked forward, away from his brothers, away from Omega, and all she could do was beg, "Please," She whimpered,

"Please don't leave me."

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I decided to create something that I wish I had when I first got diagnosed with autism - so here’s my comic for ASDComicTakeover! You can find out more about the project here!

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