Heal Me XI

Heal me XI

Word count: 2300+

Warnings: mentions of puking, emotional and mental stress, mixed feelings

Honestly, this part was a pure struggle💦 Except of Rhysand's offer that I wanted in this chapter I had nothing..

Also I've got a little carried away🤷

Part X | Part XII

Two weeks had passed since Rhysand, your brother, brought you to his court. You calmed down a bit, partly accepting the situation and giving him the chance he asked you for. Maybe the powder he mixed every morning into your tea, could have something to do with it. Not even honey could beat over the bitterness that remained on the tongue.

Of course, you could refuse the tea, but you were afraid someone would force it down your throat anyway. You felt Rhysand watching you carefully until the teacup was empty and only then the tension in the room eased. And so dutifully pretending you didn't notice anything, you drank it.

Whatever was that powder for, your desire to return home hadn't changed at all. At this point you felt really homesick, trying to hide it in front of others. It was useless to show your weaknesses, your vulnerability. Nobody would help you get out of here anyway.

You were gradually introduced to Rhysand's friends and family. Some of them claimed to know you since you were a newborn, some seemed to be new additions like Feyre, your brother's mate, and her sisters. Everyone was nothing but nice and friendly to you, but you were still uncomfortable around them.

Every time Rhysand had some free time, he spent it with you, showing you the city or taking you for walk in the large garden around the house while telling you stories of past. Morrigan, your cousin, did the same. They tried really hard to make you remember something.

Even now you were sitting with Mor on terrace of some cafe in the city, river running under it, attracting your attention like a magnet.

She told you that before you had been basically best friends, always spending time together and breaking all the rules parents set. However it didn't help to change your feelings or to be more relaxed with her. It was apparent she had a certain expectations and it made you even more uneasy. Just like with Rhysand.

Today she took you out to drink an ice tea, the drink she claimed to be your absolute favourite one. Before.

After the first few sips you swore never touch it again. It was everything except of delicious or tea.

You tried to keep up with her, listening to all the memories that supposed to be yours, but it felt rather as memories of someone else, someone so different it couldn't be you. None of the things you'd been told so far, felt familiar. It just made you tired and your head threatened to explode with pain.

You were trapped in this strange city, with these strangers. You couldn't sleep, eat nor drink, hardly dragging yourself through the days. Large garden around Rhysand's house took some of the stress away, but it wasn't enough. You needed the forest, your cottage, walks in nature, fresh air. You needed even him, although it hurt to even think about him. The first few days you still hoped he would appear and take you back home, but your hope died like plucked flowers in a vase leaving only a bleeding hole in your heart.

Mor finally gave up and took you back to your brother's house. She had that strange expression that reminded you of a mask holding all her emotions back, only her eyes revealed some sort of sadness. You were sure she would go to Rhysand and tell him about your afternoon, about your lack of response or interest. She always did. You couldn't care less. You weren't here by choice, you didn't want this. None of this.

Letting a sigh of relieve out, you went up the stairs and shut the door of your room behind. You needed to be alone, another thing that was very rare to have here. There was always someone with you and even when they left, you still felt eyes hidden in the dark corners following you around. Were you becoming paranoid? Most likely yes. But the unpleasant ticklish feeling on the back of your neck was always present.

You wanted to curl up in a ball and cry your eyes out, but first you had to go to toilet. This city, this house, all of them reeked of magic so strong that you were nonstop on the edge, hardly managing to hide the nausea from them. Another weakness you didn't want them to know about. A few gulps of ice tea you forced in, left your body, but it didn't help. Real relief never came.

Panting you moved to the sink to rinse your mouth. You rather avoided the mirror knowing what you would see. Dark circles under the eyes caused by bloody nightmares that wouldn't let you sleep, sunken cheeks because you couldn't eat and anything you managed to force down, ended up in toilet as soon as you were in your room. You didn't know how long your body could keep going like this, but you knew it wouldn't be long.

You returned to your room and winced in surprise. Rhysand stood in front of the bathroom door with tortured expression, his brows furrowed, jaw tightened, fingers clenched into fists on his sides. His violet-blue eyes searched yours. He seemed to want to say something, but his lips were firmly pressed together.

Great. Now he knew. You tried to avoid his gaze and get to the armchair near the window. But he stopped you. His arms embraced you, pulling you to his chest. You just stood there, unsure what to do. Even if you tried you couldn't fight him off.

"Tell me what should I do," he whispered to your hair. There was so much pain in his voice. Funny.

As far as you knew, he sincerely cared about you. Problem was you couldn't return the sentiment. No smile or amount of shared memories could change it. You weren't the person he remembered anymore. Asking him to let you go back to your cottage was a waste of time, too. You already tried it and he refused.

After a few heartbeats Rhysand recovered, his hands stopped trembling. Instead he moved them to your cheeks, thumbs caressing them gently.

"I talked with Madja, the healer who visited you this morning," he led you to bed and sat down. You did so, too. "She said you are exhausted and need a good night sleep. She left this tonic to help you sleep soundly." He put small bottle on the nightstand. "Two drops before going to bed would do," he smirked, but his eyes stayed sad.

You looked at vial. Another medicine to control you and your feelings. Even though you knew he meant this well, it only added on your anger. You rather stayed silent, decided to never take the mixture.

He seemed to choose next words carefully. "However she couldn't find a cause for your.." His voice died out and eyes wandered back to bathroom door. So he had noticed it even before. Of course. It wasn't surprising at all. He also knew about the nightmares after all. "Until now I didn't want to pressure you. I hoped you could meet our family, get to know them again and the memories would begin to appear on it's own. But it doesn't work, does it."

You shook head. He gave you another sad smile and looking down Rhys started to play with your fingers. Silence filled the room.

"Aury-"

"Don't call me that," you snapped. You were allergic to that name. Whoever that Auriela person was, she was dead. You weren't her.

"I'm sorry, Y/N. I didn't mean to offend you.. It's just.. habit.. kind of comfort. I didn't hope that I would ever see you again or talk to you. But I wished every day you were here with me. I wished you were alive. You and our mother." Tears filled his eyes and he blinked to get rid of them. You didn't react.

High Lord cleared his throat. "I.. Let's talk openly. About everything." He swallowed hard. "I'm trying to understand how you feel, what's going on with you, how you lived all this time.. and I'm terribly failing. Please. I want to understand. Whoever you are now, I'm accepting it. I don't want to change you. I just want my sister back. The closeness we had." He watched you with desperate expression.

You frowned, confused. No matter how many times he reminded you that he was your family, for you they were only words. It'd never occurred to you to try to see it from his point of view. Apparently you weren't the only one to suffer in this situation. Thinking that maybe he deserved to get a chance, that you should give him a chance to get closer, you nodded.

His eyes widened for a moment, then he blinked rapidly and ran fingers through his dark hair. "Okay." He cleared his throat again.

"To be honest I thought you wouldn't accept my offer," he muttered, visibly taken aback by your willingness to discuss things with him openly. "I haven't thought the things over-.. Where to start?"

"How about you tell me what's that powder you add to my drink?" You frowned at him, expecting him to deny it.

"Oh, that," he gave you a small smile, squeezing your hands. "We noticed you are still in pain. Azriel said you seem to have headache constantly. He also suffers from it, so no wonder he noticed the subtle signs. And I quite often saw you wincing while moving around," he explained, noting the disbelief on your face. Then he added quietly. "I'm really sorry for what happened when we arrived. It's all my fault."

You were speechless. It was hard to believe it, but all about the headache and the muscle pain was true. It also made you realise how much they paid you attention even if they weren't looking directly at you. "Thank you," you murmured.

Silence stretched.

Rhysand watched you, pondering. "Would you tell me why.. what causes.." his head tilted in the bathroom door's direction.

Did he have to take out that topic again? You inhaled deeply, preparing for the worst kind of conversation. You wished for Tamlin to be with you. He'd never asked these things. He was very observant and intuitive. He noticed your fear of magic and never asked you why or what caused it. Not that you could explain any of that. He silently accepted that part of you and avoided using powers around you. With him, it was so easy. Everything was easy and full of happiness. You blinked quickly to get rid of such thoughts.

"It's because of magic.." you said, taking your hands from Rhysand's and instead you wrapped them around your chest protectively. "I don't like it. It makes me feel sick. Always did. This city, this house, you all stink with magic.."

Rhysand froze on the spot, he seemingly forgot to even breathe. "I had no idea," he whispered. His scent shifted, the air in your room changed, too. The smell of power disappeared, only the subtle citrus scent remained. After weeks you could finally breathe freely and relax a bit. It felt so good that closing your eyes you smiled. Rhysand's eyes tracked that movement. "Is it better now?"

"Much better. Thank you."

"What happened? You used to have no problems with magic before, even used it yourself."

"I don't know," you answered honestly. Walls around your heart cracked a bit, letting him in. "I don't remember what or who I was before. I don't remember any of you."

This time he only nodded, probably expecting it.

He asked you to be honest, so you were. You almost regretted what you were about to tell him. "All this time it feels as if you were telling me about a life of someone else. I couldn't be more different from the person you knew."

Lowering his gaze Rhysand stood up and strolled to the window. Leaning against its frame he looked out to the garden, his back turned to you. You didn't know what he felt at that moment, but you were torn. He was still stranger to you, yet you didn't want to hurt him. After all you weren't a cruel being and maybe, just maybe, you began to feel a certain kind of affection for him that you didn't want to admit.

"So you really don't remember what happened that night," he asked, snapping you out of thoughts.

"That night?"

"The night our mother died. The night you supposedly died, too."

"I-.." Images of streams of blood staining the ground, running down your arms that you saw in your nightmares, popped out. Pressing fingers to your temple you shook your head to push them away. Rhysand watched you out of the corner of his eyes over the shoulder. "I'm not sure."

"Dear sister," he sighed, his voice suddenly cold and distanced. "Do you know what my powers are? What daemati can do?"

You'd never heard about daemati, but the feeling that you should know that, remained and was strong. It sounded like something you should be afraid of. "No, I don't."

"I can look into your pretty head, see any memory I want, change them if I wish so. I can also crush the minds, but that's not what I'm offering you here. I could try to revive your memories. I could take away the fear that some of them make you feel." He slowly turned to you, watching you with wariness. "Would you like me to try that? Do you want to remember your past life?"

You stiffened, cold shiver running down your spine, breath catching in your throat. Could he do that? And more importantly did you want him to do it? You needed time to consider his offer. It wasn't an easy decision.

"It's up to you. You have as much time as you need." And with these words he left, leaving you alone with your confused mind.

Taglist:

@impossibelle @sevikas-whore @b0xerdancer @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @nocasdatsgay

one summer day

06 saturn ii. where ushijima’s words take you by surprise. 

<< 05 saturn i. | >> 07 sun and moon (coming soon) | << the collection >>

pairing: ushijima wakatoshi x reader a/n: i am back from my trip now, i will be posting more regularly again, thank you for staying! i loved reading the tags on your reblogs of one summer day, they make my heart go WAHHH! my inbox is always open if you want to chat <3 - ave word count: 1.5k warnings: angst, childhood trauma, parental neglect/verbal abuse, past death of a family member

april, second year

“you don’t have to be the person in your house with me.”

since he stayed with you that night, there has been a medley of conflicting feelings swirling in you. you had felt embarrassed in the morning, but also relieved for his presence. and this burning shame in your chest whenever you see him and his eyes seem to ask, are you alright? 

you could tell he wants to ask so many questions, but he is holding himself back, waiting for you to tell him yourself. worst of all, you wanted to tell him, consequences be damned. but you were afraid he would see you differently. you don’t think you could bear the person who’s seen you at your worst decide you were not worth his time. but if you wait any longer, perhaps he would decide that anyway. 

“what i mean is, you can be yourself around me, always.” you know that. deep down, you feel it. 

“ushijima–” you start, staring down at your shoes, thinking about how to explain that day to him without trauma dumping on him. 

he corrects you, “wakatoshi”

your cheeks color, testing the way his name rolls off your tongue, “wakatoshi… i owe you an explanation…”

you decide it is easier to start from the day everything changed. so you tell him what you haven’t been able to tell any of your friends since that day eight years ago. about your sister, akiko’s death anniversary. that she passed away in an accident, and that it was your fault for leaving her outside the house when your mother tasked you to look after her. that even though eight year old you went in to get some water for the both of you playing outside, it was still your fault. that she had ran out after a stray cat and did not see the car coming. that it was your fault. 

“am i a terrible person?”

and then you hold your breath, knowing there is a possibility that he would have that accusing look in his warm brown eyes. beautiful with tiny flecks of greens and golds. you think those are your favorite features of him. and fuck, it would hurt like hell if that is the way he looks at you from now on. but you had taken a leap of faith, all you can do is hope for the best. hope that the feeling in your gut is not wrong.

“and your parents, why weren’t they around?” for their daughter’s death anniversary goes unspoken. of all the questions he could have asked, he sure did pick the most difficult one, you thought. 

“let’s just say we all cope in our own ways. akiko’s death… it changed our family for the worse. my father threw himself into work to forget about it… my mother… her grief made her meaner, colder, it changed her.” 

he gives you a concerned look, causing you to hurriedly explain that your mother is not abusive. “she’s just different than the mother i had when akiko was still here. she cared less about us, her words became sharp, like knives designed to hurt, especially when it comes to me, but she never laid a hand on us. i think her grief morphed into anger, and she never stopped blaming me for that day.”

“it isn’t your fault, you know that, right?” he grabs your wrist, turning you around to look at him. 

your next words comes out in a whisper. “i know, but if i hadn’t left her, akiko would still be here. if i had done what i was supposed to, my parents wouldn’t have lost their daughter, and we could have been happy,” your voice cracks. 

“you were a child. it wasn’t your fault. do you understand?” his strong grip on your shoulders forces you to look into his eyes. there was no judgement in them. no accusing look, no blame, only resolution. and they made you feel safe. “you cannot be blamed for your parent’s decisions, and it was their responsibility to look after their children’s well-being, not an eight year old child. your only duty was to grow up.”

an unidentifiable feeling overwhelms you, welling up tears in your eyes. what is it about me and crying in front of ushijima? you had been fine, just fine before he came along and messed up your coping system. every year before this on that day, you wouldn’t even cry, believing that all your tears had been spent when you were eight. that all you could do is feel empty and sad and self-destructive on that day while lying in your bed, staring at the ceiling until the sun comes up. 

oh gods, you were eight, and you had believed that it was your fault your family lost a sister, a daughter, and your mother let you believe it. she never let you forget it. all the hurtful words hurled at you. all the pain you swallowed and carefully locked away in a box. 

your home stopped being a home that day. 

home should feel safe. home should be a place you long to be after a long day, not somewhere you dreaded. home should feel like a warm blanket on cold winter days, not a house that is a place to eat and sleep. home should feel safe. but it doesn’t.

you had known it for a long time. but you had been running away, refusing to face the fact. that maybe if you pretended hard enough, it would all go away. all this heartbreak that you had hidden away would vanish. 

“i don’t think my mother fully forgave me for it. i don’t think she forgave herself either.” but you were only a child. and all you wanted was her love, and approval, and support, and presence in your life. 

you look up at the stars shining in the dark sky, wondering if your sister is one of the millions smiling down at you from a far away distance. “she would have been in junior high if she was still here.” you smile sadly at the stars, thinking of the life that she could have had ahead of her. all taken away in one unfortunate moment. 

“your sister would want you to be happy, to live for yourself. i think she would find solace in that.”

you turn sharply to look at ushijima. “i–i have been doing my best to survive.”

his voice turns gentle, “but not truly living.”

“have you spoken to anyone about this?”  he inquires, though you think he knows the answer.

you clench your fists, looking away, a rising feeling in your chest that you identify as discomfort. oh, he is safe, but he is not afraid to tell you the truth, no matter how much it hurts. “you’re the first.”  

no one would understand anyway. not your parents, if they even cared enough to listen to you. not your brother, who had pushed you to open up, he lost his sister that night too. 

“then you no longer carry the burden by your lonesome. live, y/n, for you and your sister.”

live. he says it like it is so easy. as if living in that house doesn’t make you gasp for breath. if only your house did not also feel like your prison. if only being alive when your sister no longer breathes does not feel like a sin. as if everyday does not feel like being trapped in the past. 

and then with excruciating realization, you admit it. “i don’t know how.” 

the recognition leaves your head spinning, and you seek the comfort that you had felt in his arms. looping your arms around his torso, you bury your head into his chest. how do i do this how do i do this how do–

“you take it day by day. one foot in front of you at a time. and you keep looking forward.” he tilts your chin up, searching your eyes. “i will be right next to you.” he promises. 

“don’t say things you don’t mean.” please don’t make promises you can’t keep.

“y/n, i only say things i mean.” you hope he sees the gratitude in your eyes. you really hope he means it. because you think you can make it, with him by your side. when you’re with ushijima, you can truly breathe. with him by your side, you can see a glimpse of your future tonight. maybe not tomorrow, not a month from now, but one day, you could be happy. 

akiko, did you send him to me? thank you. i love you. i miss you. i miss you so much. but i think i need to learn to let you go now. 

reblogs and comments are appreciated!

He’d Never Admit it -Prt 2

Gojo had a funny way of dealing with feelings, unfortunately it might be a little too late for the sorcerer when he finally realises what they are.

♡ part one ♡ part two ♡

Gojo Satoru x FemReader (Senior High School)

Word count: 5.5k (oops)

Warnings: BullyGojo . Gojo bring a dense menace . Crack . Smut . 18+ MDNI. Dirty Talk . Angst . Cliffhanger. No comfort (this chapter) . Jealous Gojo .

Seven days had passed since the incident on making a mess on dipshits desk, a nickname that Gojo had given the guy who was talking to you more and more as the days went.

It was annoying him, spurring him into feeling agitated -an emotion that was foreign to the six eyes.

He watched as your attention towards dipshit had started to focus more, you were smiling and chatting with him so easily.

So for the last five days Gojo took a slightly new approach to getting your attention.

He was going to cause the problem and then fix it, show you he was charming n’all that stuff that get girls attention, y’know the hero vibe!

Genius right?

Pftttt…

You were currently on path to walking past the strongest sorcerer as he stood acting like he was listening to the girl talking to him in the hallway. When you past he stuck his foot out making sure to catch yours, your books against your chest splayed out across the floor as your hands went to stop your face from hitting the ground.

But Gojo caught you, he never caught you, blinking at the hard floor his hand was gripping your shirt from the back, bunching the material in his hands as he grinned down at you like a Cheshire Cat.

“You’re so clumsy~ can’t have that pretty face all smashed in can we~!” he sang, thinking his smooth little plan had gone his way.

It really seemed it had. Until you squealed.

The buttons popped from your shirt, breasts straining against the material from Gojo gripping it at the back, your whole weight put into the flimsy material. Your arms flew to cover your chest as your tits practically burst from it, buttons popping as they echoed from their bounce down the halls.

Your knees tucked under you and your glared over your shoulder at Gojo, his smirk had dropped clean from his face.

Well, that didn’t go to plan.

“I didn’t-“ Gojo tried, his face not even hinting any amusement as he stared down at you.

“You’re such an asshole!!!!”

“It’s not my fault! Y’ storing cursed energy in those tiddies or something? You lost five buttons! They’re not even massive!”

He instantly regretted the words that left his mouth, he knew he was blabbering nervously but it came out a lot witter than he actually felt. But he couldn’t let anyone else see he was getting jittering could he?

Humour is his defence and deflection tactic after all.

The blush formed across your face as you tried your best to ignore the students who had stopped to watch the scene unfold.

Gojo blinked, eyes drifting to your breast squashed up and exposed from the torn shirt, your arms doing their best to cover you up.

They do be looking good like that though. He thought.

Ah man, he was getting hard again, seriously why did you always affect him like this? You looked so flustered… one of the cupboards wasn’t far from here maybe he could drag yo-

“Look at them tits! Wonder how big they are!”

“Man, a perfect handful maybe a little more!”

Your head snapped around to the boys gossiping who instantly shut up.

“Yeah? How big are your dicks huh? A thumbs length at most, maybe a little more.” You spat sarcastically.

“8.5 inches, 9 on a good day.” Satoru announced whilst he shrugged before bending closer to you and lifting you to him slightly, like you weighed nothing.

“-and it’s always a good day with you.” He whispered the last part winking at you.

“NO ONE ASKED YOU GOJO!” You seethed.

The boys sputtered, girls giggling in the background at them as the attention was briefly taken from you.

Which soon returned when a jacket was thrown over you and Gojo’s hand.

Ah, we meet again, sir dipshit. Gojo thought as his eyes narrowed on a blazer being placed over you.

“C’mon, you have your blazer in your locker right?” Dipshit suggested, smiling at you with some Prince Charming fucking look.

You nodded and stood with his help.

“Nice one, Romeo.” Dipshit mumbled whilst looking over his shoulder at Satoru.

That was day one of Gojo being left stood dumbfounded as to why his tactic didn’t work.

0 to Gojo and 1 to dipshit.

Day two came and he bought you a box of your favourite Mochi as an apology .. without having to actually verbally say sorry.

But Satoru ate the whole box on the walk here.

Gojo frowned as he looked down at the box, seeing one left sitting innocently as if to mock him.

You said to yourself she won’t notice if you have just one and here I am.

0 to Gojo 1 to his sweet tooth and lack of self restraint.

The third day went better, as some one opened their locker a little too harshly and Gojo had got there in time to stop it slamming into the side of your head. His hand flat pressed against the locker door and he grinned at you, you rolled your eyes and shut your own, turning away from him. He looked over his shoulder and glared at the boy who laughed nervously.

“Watch it will you?”

Gojo’s mood changed as he pouted looking at you disappearing into the hall way, his long legs caught up with you quickly and he grabbed your shoulder…

“Hey! I just saved that pretty face again, you’re not gonn-“

He didn’t realise you were drinking some water, tugging your shoulder back had caused the bottle to leave your lips whilst still tilted, pouring it down your shirt which instantly became see through.

Gojo eyed the bottle of water -was it bubbling? It looked like it was boiling in your hand. Blue eyes turning to you answered his assumption.

“Heh, you’re mad at me.”

Your eye twitched, but his eyes kept flickering down to that pretty lacy bra you were wearing under your white shirt, which was now sticking to you like second skin on your chest.

“Fuming.”

Gojo took a step backwards and held his hands up innocently. The bottle soon colliding with his head knocking his glasses half off his face.

“Take your jacket off Satoru!”

Your hands started gripping said item, causing him to laugh at you fumbling with his clothing. He kept his hands up in a surrender but it didn’t stop his cockiness.

“You’re not usually this keen to get my clothes off~! Heh look at you go!”

He was happy to see you walking away with his blazer around you, absolutely swallowing you cause y’know, he’s a big boy and he grinned smugly.

1 for Gojo.

Later that day you’d found him after your last class, handing back his blazer that he couldn’t help notice smelled so much like you now, mixed with his own scent.

Fuck it was a good combination.

“Here,”

“Hmm, I think you owe me for borrowing it all day. I’ve been all cold without it!” Satoru chimed giving you a smirk, eyes looking at you over the rim of his glasses so you could see his mischievous intention.

“You’re kidding right? It was your fault in the first place!”

“Nah I done nothing wrong!”

He didn’t take him much to back you into a nearby cupboard, hiking your skirt up to your waist and pushing your panties to the side. Your hands gripped against the cupboard shelves as he pulled your hips back into him, his breath fanning across your neck as he placed little bites along the skin.

Pressing the tip of his dick between your slick folds and rocking his hips, a long airy moan left him, your hips twitching back as his head caught your clit.

“Watch it then,” Satoru pushed your head forwards, forcing you to watch as his dick slid between your thighs, rubbing along your clit in the process. The head glistening with slick as it pushed through your folds, using them and your thighs as a flesh light. Gojo leaned forward to bury his face in your neck, his hand in your hair still keeping your head down to watch as he thrusted.

“Shit this feels s’good - Hah -I ain’t even done anything and y’so wet already, bet I could slip right in huh?”

“Nah-“ you huffed, arching your hips back before bringing them back as you started to rut against him yourself, Gojo stopped moving and watched as you rolled your pussy against him, tightening your thighs. “-you’ll have to try a little harder.”

Gojo chuckled behind you before pulling back, with the wet slap of his cock hitting his stomach before he spun you around, hands gripping the back of your thighs he lifted you up to wrap them around him. One of your hands gripped the shelf behind your shoulder, the other gripped the hair at the back of his head. Pink dusted both your cheeks as the closet started to get stuffy.

Gojo looked down to the slight gap between you, cock rested against his abdomen, he flexed it watching the trail of slick and pre cum link from his bellend to his stomach.

“Reckon? It’s dripping from just rubbing ya.”

You groaned and pulled his head back roughly, he winced but let out an airy moan.

You rose an eyebrow before a smirk spread on your face. You tugged his hair again, even harder and watched as his dick flexed, his hands tighten on your thighs and a moan caught on his throat.

Oh, the cocky bastard liked it!

“You’re pathetic Satoru, you really have no idea do you? Hurry up and fuck me then before a change my mind.”

You lifted and rolled your hips forward, your hole catching at his head, it only took him one thrust to slid in. A moan leaving you both as you clenched squeezing him. his cock flexing again in you as he felt you adjust around him.

“Shit -how are you always so fucking tight?”

He shifted you, lifting you a bit higher than him and wrapping his arms around your waist. He went to press his face into your neck but you pulled his head back again by his hair to take in his expression. Blue eyes glazed over, light pink across his cheeks and his mouth slightly open.

“You look so fucked out already Sato’”

He didn’t say anything, his eyes drinking you in.

“Open your mouth,”

And he did, your hand pulling his hair back again as you let spit gather on the end of your tongue, Gojo watched as you slowly let it dribble onto his own. Cock flexing again he moaned, closing his mouth he swallowed without even being told.

Because this was his way of being sorry, ‘cause he fucking loved it when you took control of him like a dog.

But he’d never admit that.

“Guess I can be a lil rough,” he mumbled before twisting his hair from your grip and burying his face into your neck, arms wrapping even tighter as he started to fucking rut into you. His heavy moans and sighs fogging against your neck, vibrating down your skin and making you clench around him

“S-slow down Gojo-“

“Nah, I’m way too fucking fired up now.”

Day four however took a turn of events, he hasn’t actually seen you today which was unusual.

However when he did see you it only spurred something ugly in his chest.

Anger wasn’t an emotion that Gojo felt often, if at all. He was far too care free and lacked any real connection to most things, he didn’t care deeply enough for things to get him angry.

Or so he thought.

Seeing you at that coffee shop with that fucking guy?

That did it.

Yeah that guy! The Dipshit.

Gojo didn’t get it, did you not understand the message he was giving you when he made you cum all over the guys desk? The guy who was asking you about your dating choices?

The message was clear, so he thought anyway.

You’re mine.

But he’d never admit that, right?

You actually ended up going out with him even after Gojo made a sloppy mess between your legs and had the name Satoru falling from those pretty plump lips of yours as you cum over his tongue again and again. He didn’t even relieve himself with you that day on the desk- that’s how selfless he was being that day! Yet you were actually went on a damn date with him! Even after he fucked you dumb yesterday in the closet!

And you were happy.

You were laughing, smiling and fucking flirting with him.

You didn’t smile at him no matter his goofy behaviour -you never laughed at Satoru Gojo.

That really bugged him. He was always goofy and silly!

And he knew your body inside and out -he always made you feel better after he upset you. That guy didn’t, as far as Gojo knew anyway.

Shit, wait, what if you cum for that guy like you did the six eyes? Was he better than him? No freakin’ way! Is that why you were happy and smiling with that guy? Shit, shit, shit.

“Satoru, you good?”

“Huh? Yeah m’fine,” he waved Suguru off side glancing at you again from his booth at the cafe.

“Really? You look like you’ve just been dumped.”

“What? I’ve never been dumped, no one’s dumped me!”

The all too fast reply was humorous, it didn’t match his trying to look cool facade -in fact he broke it altogether.

Geto rose an eyebrow, a smirk twitching at his lips, his eyes had seen his best friend staring at you with another guy and he seen those blue eyes of Gojo’s stealing another side glance like he was worried to miss something.

Suguru chose his words specifically when he said the dump word.

Plus that defensive sputtering of a reply that was so out of character from his usual cocky, flippant friend?

Oh no, this was hilarious ! Satoru was actually hung up -he was upset. Over a girl.

“I didn’t say you had, said you looked like it,”

“Tch, whatever. There’s not even an expression for that kinda crap, you’re talking shit Suguru.”

Geto’s eyes widened slightly, pink dusting across Gojo’s cheeks, his body and emotions totally betraying the look Gojo was trying to give -flippant and unbothered.

“Man, look at you!” Geto laughed, leaning forward on the table to point at Satoru’s cheeks “-the blush brings out the blue in your eyes~”

Gojo slapped his hands away and glared over the rim of his glasses. Leaning back into the boot he swung an arm over the spine of it, man spreading and shifting his pose to deflect his feelings as if trying once again to convince his emotions into what his body language was showing, however they still weren’t meeting to agree.

“So you’re not into her?”

Gojo snorted and rose an eyebrow at Suguru,

“Her? As if,” Gojo waved his hand dismissively “-not my type.”

Suguru nodded, crossing his arms and leaning back into the booth seat, turning his head up to the ceiling as if he was in thought.

“Yeah, gotta be honest you’d be punching with her Satoru. Guess you’re not into wife material,”

Suguru was playing the game and it was working.

Gojo frowned as he looked away eyes unfocused as he stared aimlessly into the cafe.

“Aren’t you dating Gojo?”

“-who said that?” You practically spat, you were flustered but it came out more aggressive than you wanted, seeing as you cleared your throat and asked again in a nicer manner, still looking at the guy like he has grown three heads.

“Uh I mean the whole school is whispering about it, you not seen that little fan club of his death glaring at you?”

“What idiot would date Satoru?” Your nose wrinkled as if he disgusted you, as if the thought of actually being with him was so unimpressive that you couldn’t imagine someone that would go for him. HIM, GOJO SATORU UNIMPRESSIVE! The audacity!

“So, you’d be up for me taking you out for a coffee? It’s the least I can do y’know.”

The conversation ran clear, even as he ate your pussy an hour after they were spoken it still rang at the back of his head. That insecurity of his that he buried being triggered.

You’re not good enough, everyone thinks you’re annoying and only see you for your potential -only see you as the six eyes.

The whole conversation you had and he heard, your reaction to dating him was actually hurtful -why did he disgust you? Sure he teased you a lot, but he always made you feel better! It was part of the game right? He teased you, you get angry and you both make up.

He was good looking -incredibly so if you asked him and most people. He always smelled good -he bought really expensive cologne. He was hygienic, his clothes were always clean and stylish. He had money. He was the strongest sorcerers around even at 18. He was the pride of his family.

So why did he disgust you? Why did you act like he wasn’t good enough?

Tch.

So you wanted to act all high and mighty huh? Like he wasn’t good enough for you.

Well, Satoru would settle the score -he’d stop the rumours and clear things up no problem!

Let day five commence.

“Oi,”

Your shoulders hunched as you heard that dreaded voice appear in class, it was Friday and clock out was fast approaching, in fact this was the last lesson of the day before a few weeks holiday. You were sat at your desk grabbing your book for the study session.

A hand slammed down on your desk as he half bent over, reluctantly you looked up and your face fell. His shit eating grin was smug, eyes glistening over the rim of his glasses as they reflected from the sun bouncing on them through the window.

“You left these at my place-“

Hanging from Gojo’s index finger were the panties he’d ripped off from you last week, looking innocent as they swayed so silently from his digit as he lifted them to gain focus on it -no he lifted them so the whole class could see them.

The gasps from the room flooded your ears, your eyes darting to see everyone in the class was looking at you both.

“Satoru that’s too fa-“

Oh? The fact Suguru was finally saying something was perhaps enough to kick your brain into drive that this was actually happening.

“Ah, they didn’t fit you Satoru? What a shame,” even though you were trying to deflect him the heat was rising to your face, feeling up your neck like bugs under you skin.

Like Gojo fucking Satoru under your skin.

Gojo snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Wrong pair those looked great on me. These I ripped off you remember? Hence the condition, thought you’d want’em back for your new dipshit boyfriend.”

In a fluid movement he bunched the panties in his hand and pointed that thumb over to someone behind him. Your eyes followed and landed on the guy you’d been to coffee with, your eyes then followed to where he was sat and it clicked.

That desk..

“He’s not my boyfriend, you’re the dipshit!”

“Yeah yeah, s’what you said ‘bout not dating me yet you’re leaving this at my place hmm?”

He grinned at you, if you were less upset you’d maybe see that his eyes weren’t entirely amused like they usually danced with when he teased you. You’d see he was hurt, he was annoyed there was a slight hardness to them.

But he’d never admit that.

Your hand covered your mouth and cheeks in an attempted to cover your face going beet red, eyes filling with tears as the shear embarrassment hit you like a train. There were so many eyes on you and you felt corned. Your heart sank to your stomach, drowning in the acid that sat there, eating away at you so viciously you felt nauseous.

You stood from your seat, clumsily grabbing your bag and books, looking at Gojo with enough pain on your face to make his own expression fall.

The glistening of feral amusement from his eyes dulled as he set his gaze on what he could only guess was his first look at heart break. -his first look at really hurting you.

No, this wasn’t right, it wasn’t supposed to make him feel like this.

Your hand lowered slightly to release words that made him freeze.

“I hate you Satoru,”

It was eerie how quietly and calmly you spoke, yet it was just so fucking sad how your gentle voice cracked. There was no insult, no temper -nothing.

No, this was different to your usual anger, this wasn’t how it usually goes. You started off like you always did, keeping him place and bantering back. But this?

You never said you hated him, you never looked at him like that before. These weren’t tears of frustration this was something else.

Suddenly he didn’t think your eyes looked so pretty like this, glistening with tears that he caused.

You turned and he stood frozen at your run from the room, everything slowed as you left. How your hair whipped around you, how those stray tears left you dancing a battle through strands of your hair. It was all so clear as time slowed and that was nothing to do with his unique eyes.

The class wasn’t full of people yet -you hated crowds and always got here early but there were a few here.

Suguru gripped the back of his collar and pulled him back, dragging him out the class.

“Satoru, you’re beyond dense. You really outdone yourself this time.”

The next few weeks of a short holiday flew by and Satoru heard nothing from you, his texts not delivered and his calls straight to answer phone.

Satoru > Yo pretty

Satoru > you ignoring me now? Don’t do that :( you’ll miss me too much~

Satoru > c’monnnn babe don’t be like this :( I know how you make you feel better~! ;D come spend next weekend with me! I’ll even take you to get some Mochi, there’s this Zunda and cream flavour you gotta try! I’ll buy you a box!

Satoru > oi stop being a big baby, talkkkkk toooo meeeeeeeeeee!

Satoru > oi

Satoru > hellllllooooooo

Satoru > ╰⋃╯ both know mines bigger :D he misses you <;3

Satoru > Hey, it’s been two weeks, seriously you good?

Satoru > Hey, y/n you’re not back at class, can you just let me know you’re good?

The return to senior high for the last few weeks before everyone left for university or careers came and went quickly -he never saw you again.

He never seen you to tease and he missed it, he missed finding you to annoy you. He missed burying his face in your thighs to cheer you up, he missed pushing that silly school skirt up, he missed how your thigh high socks felt under his hands as he grabbed your thighs whilst bullying his dick into you.

But he’d never admit that to you.

“Y-You’re a r-real asshole you know that?”

A flat line presented on Gojo’s mouth, cracking his can of drink open his head tilted in the direction of the voice, blue eyes looking over his glasses as he stared at the guy without much expression. The guy brave enough to stutter an insult to him.

Yeah, the guy who took you out on a date. Sir dipshit.

“S-s-sorry what was that?” Satoru mocked uncaringly, stuttering to remind the guy he was scared to talk to him.

“Yeah, that! Exactly what I mean. She never dated me you idiot -I asked her out for coffee so she could help me come out to a guy I liked, who’s now my boyfriend.”

Gojo’s heart accelerated in his chest, he finally understood what the phrase meant ‘the colour drained from their face’ because he literally felt the blood dropping from it.

God that was weird, he’s never felt that before.

Outwardly he stayed collected -he stayed cool because he was Gojo Satoru.

“So?”

“So?! Everyone’s noticed how grumpy you’ve been, you deserve much worse after what you did. You should have just asked her out like a normal person would, but your crappy god complex wouldn’t allow that would it!”

“Who said I liked her like that?”

He deadpanned at Gojo, the silence between them was thick as the blue eyes stared at him without much expression trying so hard to remain cool. Trying so hard to not show his discomfort.

But his heart was bouncing against his rib cage, his lungs were trying to pick up his breathing as his emotions started to physically unsettle him, Gojo’s palms were sweating yet he felt a cold rush over his skin.

What the hell was going on? Was he sick?

“You’re kidding right? Do you not realise you’re completely head over heels for her? The whole school knows it, how do you not? Y’know, you don’t deserve her, good job you have no idea, you were so mean to her because you couldn’t figure out you liked her and you’re useless in dealing with it. You saved her from it.”

Turning and fanning his hand dismissively over his shoulder Gojo was left to stand by himself with his can of drink fizzing against the silence he was plunged into.

Eyes blinking, his cool attitude and posture absolutely crumbling to a dumbfounded display.

He liked you?

Is that what this was?

No he didn’t like you!

Right?

The whole school knew? The fuck?

Gojo collected his phone from his pocket, turning on his heels he walked down the hallway whilst making a call.

“Satoru,” Geto answered

“I like her?”

“What? Was that a statement or a question?”

“The whole school knows I like her, what-“

“Oh, her. You finally realised huh Satoru?”

“YOU TOO?! Why didn’t you tell me!”

“You’re hopeless,” Suguru sighed heavily down the line, “-like you’d have done anything about it. Thought it was best forgotten after the last day you seen her, it’s been weeks and schools over, s’a bit late. She’s gone Kyoto for university Satoru.”

“How do you know that? She’s not carrying on as a sorcerer?”

“I seen her last week at Jujustu Tech. Her dad died recently on a job and he wanted her to get away from it all.”

“Her dad died?”

“Yeah, that mission couple weeks ago with the train, that special grade took him out and she finished it off, she has a pretty nasty domain apparently. She had a meeting with the higher ups about it, she was injured.”

You never told him about that, ah man, if Gojo didn’t know what guilt felt like before then he sure fucking did now.

Is that why you weren’t messaging him?

“Just let it go Satoru, you screwed up, move forward.”

No, that wasn’t why you weren’t messaging him.

You weren’t talking to him because of what he did, because of how he was treating you. Because of what he did the last day he saw you.

He tried to forget it because hearing you say you hate him was horrible, seeing you truly upset was weighing heavy on him and the fact he wasn’t there this time to wipe your tears, or make you feel better didn’t sit right with him.

But you’d disappeared from his life, you’d ignored his texts and calls, you left him.

Was it really too late?

You really had left.

Your house was sold, waiting for a new family to occupy the building. Gojo stood before it frowning, hands in his pockets as he looked over it looking so empty and lifeless, a mere shell of the comfort it would bring him. He’d see your cursed energy residing within it, sometimes your dads if he wasn’t away on missions.

The same building that looked so different now, weird to think it had your window on it which Gojo had thrown stones at in the middle of the night when he was having trouble sleeping. He rarely needs a lot of it and his eyes are the reason for his lack of sleep, not to mention his intake of sweet things to try keep his mind stimulated.

It was only getting worse as he got older, he seemed to realise. Yeah, both his eye sensitivity and his sweet tooth.

You were never particularly happy about it, him rattling stones at your window when your dad wasn’t home.

“Piss off will you?! It’s like 2am you menace! Quit throwing stones at my window and find someone else to torment.”

So he did.

Stop throwing stones at your window that was, he’d still turn up only this time floating innocently outside your window knocking on it asking to be let in.

“I told you to quit it Satoru!”

“Nah, said stop throwing stones at ya window so I did, just knocked instead.”

“Get in before someone sees you!!”

Worked like a charm. Every time.

Now though? Doubt he could be getting away with that at the new owners. Besides you weren’t there.

Turning he left the house behind him and found himself walking past it at least once, maybe twice a week for the next two years.

He hoped he’d find your cursed energy there, maybe the new owners were distant family and you’d come back to visit.

But the family held no cursed energy, not even a flicker of it. So Gojo eventually stopped walking by, but one place he did return to was the grave of your dad.

He’d leave a flower there.

“Guess I shouldn’t have been such a dick to her huh?”

Silence as usual.

He’d stand and leave, sighing as he now replaced his glasses with his blind fold he had started to wear because it was being too much for his eyes to deal with.

Everything was so damn blinding.

At first he thought of you everyday, thinking he never used to think this much about you when you were around.

At least he didn’t think he did. Besides Suguru and Shoko he didn’t really rely on anyone, but perhaps you were someone from his past that he could have included on that list back then that only seems to get shorter.

When Suguru dumped him outside KFC, not one of his classiest moments, Gojo truly started to feel alone in this life.

As the weeks turned into months, months turned into years and he gradually forgot about you the best he could, only occasionally being reminded of you every now and then.

Usually when another girl asked him about his past relationships.

“So you’ve never had that special someone?”

They all thought they’d be that thing for him but they never were, 90% of the time he couldn’t even get around to sleeping with them. He wanted something deeper than surface sex, sure it felt good but something was missing.

He never had a relationship, because he just wasn’t the kind of guy to be involved with someone like that. His work was dangerous, he alone would make anyone around him a target. So Gojo kept his distance, his god complex grew trying to bury that deep, gnawing insecurity and stomach churning loneliness. His infinity kept people at bay, both for his emotional and physical protection, burying his sickening need for touch by something that loved him.

These girls after you? They never stood up to him, they were pillow princesses and only aided his dominant nature. He never got that rush that he got with you -that high and low.

He was never as hard as he was for you, that 9 inches on a good day? Yeah, definitely remained at a 8.5inches

He stopped comparing to you after three years, he stopped thinking about you and he buried his head into his work because the weight of Suguru leaving him was another thing for him to carry. He was lonely and he didn’t want more people close to him again and feel that loss.

Funny, because the people he loved were still alive and left him, it hurt more than people dying around him that he knew.

Suguru was a deep friendship lost, you were something he didn’t fully understand.

He started to get comfortable, he started to move forward from you and Suguru…

Then the order came from the higher ups.

Stood in the usual room, Gojo remained in the centre, bored and irritated with these douches already sputtering at him.

“There has been an issue in Kyoto, we need you to go and investigate, students have been going missing. There have been rumours that a cursed object has been confirmed, resulting in a reincarnation of a past cursed spirit rising. You are to investigate and execute, minimal damage and lives lost Gojo, we mean it this time.”

“-and put a damn curtain up will you?”

He didn’t even reply, turning he fixed his eyes in front of him, he heard them and had nothing to say because his mind was else where.

Returning back to you, just when he stopped thinking about you almost three years later.

Kyoto?

That’s where you went right? He’s pretty sure Suguru told him you’d be studying at a university there.

Well, I hope you guys enjoyed <3 I’m tempted to make this into a part three in a slight time skip. Hmm! We shall see, do we need a part three for closure & comfort? Cause I think so 😎

Thank you thank you thank yoouuuu for all the comments / reblogs etc 🥹

Tags: it isn’t letting me tag everyone! Sorry! I’ve tagged the accounts that are letting me. I’ll try again tho. <;3 ps I won’t engage with ageless blogs or blank ones!

@tomiokas-lunchbox @krisp0415 @ifartmangos @ritsatoru @ekaterinatepes @angrydaughter @jessie9008 @marie-morningstar @love-me-satoru @jspenft

© pharix 2023 permission is not given to repost, translate or post anywhere else.

Tamlin 😭😭😭

Word count: 1800+

Warnings: confusion, jealousy (just in case), but otherwise nothing

Part XIII | Part XV

You opened your eyes. The memories of your childhood that Rhysand revived, swirled in your mind. You were on the verge of tears. Parents. Their faces shone bright in your mind. Beautiful, smiling. How could you forget them? And your older brother, ever so loving, caring and protective. His two best friends. Morrigan. Your friends in camps. And so many others. How could you forget them all?

Old feelings mingled with your current ones. It was a bit overwhelming and confusing. You would definitely need time to process the chaos in your head and heart. You should have stopped him sooner, but once you saw fragments of your past, you wanted more.

Big, warm hand squeezed your right one, drawing small circles with a thumb. You looked in that direction. Azriel was kneeling next to you, his eyes scanning your face with worry. You knew him. You knew him for so long. The comfort and peace you felt with him before, doubled. He was always your support, understanding your feelings more than anyone else.

He was worried about you, so you sent him a small smile, assuring him you are okay. Tension in his face melted away, his eyes watered. Even without words he understood. As always.

You turned to your left where you felt another hand holding yours, but the squeeze was much weaker. Rhysand was half sitting, half lying, his side pressed into backrest of sofa, eyes closed. He was pale. If you didn't see his chest heaved with shallow breaths, you would think the worst.

"Rhys?" Your voice was shaking.

Corners of his mouth lifted in a faint smile. "It's the first time you called me Rhys since you came."

"Oh, you jerk." You playfully hit his shoulder and then hugged him. He returned the hug without hesitation. "I'm so sorry," you mumbled into his shoulder. "You should have said something."

"There's nothing to apologize for. I am sorry for all you had to go through. Before and especially since you came here. I know it wasn't easy for you."

You didn't say anything to that mainly because your feelings were all out of place.

"Are you okay?"

"Mm, just bit tired. It was harder than I thought."

"Why didn't you say something? We could-"

"It's okay," he stopped you. "I just need to rest. That's all. And you ought to do so too. I bet you have a lot to think about." He rubbed your back.

You were about to offer him helping to get to his room, but he stopped you before you could open your mouth with shake of his head. "Rest. We will talk about everything later."

Gnawing your lower lip you nodded and stood up. Azriel also got up, following you out of the office, silent like a shadow. Once doors closed behind you, you turned to him.

"I'm fine, Az. Really."

"I'll just walk you to your room."

"I can do that," you smiled. "But I'd love to ask you to take care of him. I think he's more exhausted than he admits." Your gaze travelled back to the office doors.

"Okay," he nodded, looking at you curiously. "Now you really remember." Small amused smile played on his lips, but his eyes were full of sadness and something you couldn't place.

You stepped closer, surprising Azriel with an innocent kiss on his cheek. His body went rigid, eyes widened. This was a game you two used to play, when you were younger, always catching him by surprise. Knowing you since you were born, he usually let his guard down around you, which allowed you to get into his personal space easily. You also learnt a few tricks from him.

"I do," you hummed. His fingers touched the place you kissed and he blushed fiercely. Chuckling you turned around and walked away, leaving him gaping at your back.

You'd turned the corner walking to the main hall towards the staircase.

"I don't understand what he sees in you," a sweet voice spoke from your right. There in the doors to the kitchen stood one of Feyre's sisters, Elain, if you remembered correctly.

"Excuse me?" you raised a brow at her, surprised that she spoke to you.

"Since you came everything is only about you," she said, her brows furrowed. "He also has eyes only for you. Even now, why did he have to be by your side?"

"I have no idea what are you talking about. Who's the he supposed to be anyway?" You'd never talked with her, actually hadn't met her properly until now. But you didn't like the way she looked at you.

Elain looked at you with utter disgust and then just simply pivoted, showing you her back and walked away. Stunned you blinked rapidly. You looked around hoping somebody else witnessed this and could explain you her behaviour. Unfortunately you were alone.

"…bitch…" You heard her low voice as she was muttering something in the kitchen.

Frustrated you returned to your room, decided to forget about that weird incident in the hall and rather concentrate on processing all new feelings.

You took a seat in one of the armchairs you became so fond of and gazing out to the garden you slowly roamed through new memories. It felt like finding pieces of puzzle you didn't realise that were missing. The emptiness you had always felt diminished.

It was hard to say how you felt, what you felt toward people who in few hours changed from strangers to well known faces, family. However you knew for sure that the feelings from before living in Spring Court, weren't so intensive anymore. They were still strong, but strangely subdued at the same time. It was confusing and you could only hope that with time it would clear out.

You didn't know when, but your thoughts wandered back to the cottage. And to him. What was he doing now? Did he already forget about you? Suddenly you felt blue. You'd like to talk with him now. It would certainly help you to sort out the things. You reached for the pendant he gave you, hidden under the clothes. It gave you a feeling of the kind of comfort you felt only with him.

Behind shut eyelids you found yourself back in the forest in front of your cottage, Tamlin stood on the threshold, his back to you. As if feeling your presence, he turned around and when his eyes found yours he smiled happily. Tamlin's emerald eyes and golden hair shone in the sunlight filtering through the treetops. It was so peaceful moment. The moment that was interrupted by a knock on the door.

You exhaled shakily, your heart beating too fast. What was that? It was so real that your chest hurt. You rubbed a non-existent wound and when another soft knock sounded, you called out to whoever it was, to enter. Golden brown head peeked in from behind the door. It was Feyre.

"Can I come in? I brought you something to eat."

You nodded, grateful for her care.

"You missed the lunch, so I thought you might be hungry," she said placing tray on a small table. She looked somehow nervous, eyeing the other armchair. You hadn't talked much with your sister-in-law yet, but she seemed to be a kind person. You asked her to sit down with you. The smile she conjured, was dazzling.

"I just wanted to let you know that Rhys is okay or better say, he will be. Azriel helped him to get to the bed, he ate and now he's napping."

"I'm relieved to hear that," you said and to your own surprise, really meant it. Rhysand was your brother, your blood. He mattered. Words that held no meaning yesterday, were so important now. You pushed those thoughts back before you began spiralling and rather focused on Feyre.

"I'm happy you are here," she whispered. "He needed you. Even though he has all of us, he needed you. He might not admit it openly, but since the tragedy that happened to your mother and you, he wished only for one thing: to have both of you back by his side. He was so lonely."

A lump rose in your throat. You were at a loss for words.

Feyre was nervously playing with her fingers. "I understand how he feels and what this means to him, but.. I noticed that you were.. well, you still are unhappy here. It reminds me of how I felt back at Spring.. I tried to convince him to let you go back. Don't take me wrong. I like you and I'd love you to be here, but if this isn't the place you want to be.."

"But he rejected," you noted, swallowing bitterness in your mouth. Feyre nodded.

"Please, don't be angry with him for that. He believes this is the only way how to protect you."

"Are you angry with Tamlin for doing the same?" You eyed her curiously.

She looked into the garden, her gaze wandered unfocused. "At that time I was angry, very angry. Now I kind of understand. It was his way of dealing with his trauma. He was so kind to me before and even to my family. What happened under the mountain broke us all. And what helped one, hurt someone else. Now seeing into Rhys' heart I do understand how Tamlin felt. I hope he will find his happiness, too." Even though Feyre just whispered the last sentence, she meant it.

Now it was your turn to answer, but you couldn't do so right away. Searching how you actually felt about that, your fingers once again found the pendant, playing with it. "I'm not angry," you said after a while. "Now when I have part of my memories back, I think I understand, too."

"But you still want to return," Feyre finished for you. "To him." A gentle smile spread across her face as she watched your fingers. You nodded.

"Do you like him?"

Your eyes widened. For some reason you were embarrassed. Like Tamlin? Yes, you liked him, but Feyre was probably referring to different kind of 'like'. "I- I like his company," you stuttered.

She giggled. "You can be honest with me. It'll remain just between us. I won't tell anyone."

You pulled your knees up to your chest, distressed. Feyre watched you curiously, head tilted to the side, a knowing grin on her face. "He's a good male and very kind. Lucien said that your presence helped him recover."

"The redhead?" you sat up straight. She nodded. So he wasn't lying when he said they were friends.

Feyre pressed her lips together, light amusement was replaced by seriousness. "Although I'm afraid of what happened with him after your abrupt departure."

After that Feyre left, muttering something about food getting cold and necessary rest, leaving you even more confused and on top of it worried.

Taglist:

@impossibelle @sevikas-whore @b0xerdancer @ladylizzieofdarbyshire @tele86 @mybestfriendmademe @nocasdatsgay @yunloyal @nebarious @isabiss @st0rmyt

Discipline

Ok guys so hear me out. Ardyn is our trash Jesus yes. But. Have you heard of Rufus Shinra? He is ridiculously hot. And we have to honor that. And that is what I intend to do.

With this... filth. Pure filth.

You've been warned. All chapters: Lesson 1 Lesson 2 Lesson 3

Lesson 1

The door clicks shut behind you, then, another click. Locked?

You gaze around the room, the leather and mahogany,  the marble pillars, the big windows giving a view of the upper plates of Midgar. The city below is almost balck, and in front of you, Rufus Shinra in a white suit, sitting on the corner of his desk, the top two buttons of his shirt casually opened, looking at you with a hint of amusement.

"Please, make yourself comfortable."

You have no idea why you're here. All you know is you were sent for, called in from the crowd by your boss, in the middle of those oh so boring but absolutely compulsory company parties Shinra loves to throw. 

"Would you like a drink? Or have you had enough?" "Yes please," you clear your throat. "And may I also ask, what gives me the honor?"

Rufus turns to look over his shoulder as he picks up a crystal decanter, the liquid reflecting from the window as he pours.

"Oh,  I thought I would give you the honor of offering to fulfill your wish." "My wish?" You try to think back on what you've wished for. A raise? A holiday? "Yes. If it's still a thing you wish for, or course." You chuckle. "I'm not quite sure..." "Let's see... To be bent over the desk of the vice president and be fucked, hard, I believe it was?"

Your heart drops to your stomach and you swallow, loud, nearly chocking. How did he hear that?! Did you write it in an email? No, you're certain you only whispered it. When you first saw him. You said he was tall and unfairly handsome and... but did you say that? Yeah, you did. Whispered it very quietly to your colleague at the event where you say the VP's speech for the first time. You think you were quiet. There's no way anyone could have heard it. You were tipsy, but not that tipsy...

"The walls have ears," he smiles, passing you a glass. You take it, silently cussing under your breath. "I'm so sorry, it was completely inappropriate." "Oh?" He sips his drink. "So you've changed your mind?"

You laugh, dropping your gaze. Suddenly it's way too hard to look at him. You don't quite know what to do with your drink, either, so you half sip it, then just play with the glass, swirling the liquid around.

"I'm... I..." "That's fine. You're free to go then." He gestures at the door.

Embarrassed, you nod, placing the glass next to him on the desk and whispering an apology, still avoiding his gaze. You make your way to the door, legs shaking from sheer shock.

"It's a shame," you hear him remark, still sitting on the desk behind you.

With your hand already on the door handle, you pause for a moment. You turn to look at him, now in turn twirling the liquid in his glass. He looks nonchalant, almost bored.

"Sir, are you playing with me?" "I don't know. Are we playing? I thought you said no."

You gasp, unwittingly. Could he be serious?

"Well what if... I said... yes?"

He takes a sip of his drink, putting it on the table and looks at you. A moment passes in silence, except for the sound of blood rushing in your ears. Your heart is pounding. Your mouth is dry. His eyes remain on you.

"Come here." His voice is soft, and the words make your spine tingle. You let go of the door handle, and like a puppy who's been scorned, return to him gingerly.

You pause a few feet away from him, and as he pats the space on the desk next to him, you move closer and sit on the edge. He turns to look at you and gently places his hand on top of yours. You peek at him from under your brow, unable to hide your smile. This is cute, you think, not quite what I expected. Taking your hand in his, he lifts it up to his lips. Gently, very softly he brushes the back of your hand against his lips, giving you little shivers.

Then, standing up, he moves to face you in front of the desk, his fingers now brushing your hair behind your ear. You stare at the open buttons on his shirt, his neck, his chin. He lifts your chin with his other hand and you close your eyes as his face comes close, so close you can feel his warm breath. He places his thumb on your chin, pulling your lower lip and you part your lips expecting to feel his touch yours at any moment.

He chuckles, pleased, as you feel his breath move away and down to the side of your neck. He takes in a deep breath.

"Your hair smells beautiful," he whispers just below your ear, and you breathe him in, in return, the smell of perfume and alcohol intoxicating you. You feel his knee pushing its way between your legs, and you allow it, slightly parting your legs and leaning back more on your arms. Suddenly his hand is massaging the underside of your breast, his hot breath tickling your neck, and then, a warm wetness as his tongue glides along your main artery, earning a little gasp from you.

Your chest moves up and down slower, and you feel fingers gliding up the inside of your leg, pausing just short of your underwear. Then, slowly, gently, they move on top of your panties, just barely touching, so softly, feeling the outside of your labia through the fabric. You know he can feel your arousal, you've been exposed. He laughs, his chuckle tickling your skin, and stands up straighter, moving his other hand to the back of your head, grabbing your hair a bit too firmly.

"So you do want it." "Yes."

He holds your head, his blue eyes staring straight at you from behind strands of blonde hair. His hand is commanding, holding your hair in a tight grip, while below, his fingertips tease you ever so softly, frustratingly so, making you ache.

"Say it." "Please." "No. Say what you want." You pause for a moment, gathering your courage. "Say it." His fingers glide over the wet fabric of your panties, pressing harder, but only for a moment as he takes the pleasure away again, and you moan. "Fuck me." "What's that?" "Please fuck me. Please."

Hearing you say it makes him smile. "You're bold. I like that." He looks you up and down, reveling in your request.

"But why should I give you what you want." His voice is low, and for a moment, you realize you're scared.

You don't have the time to process it though, as he grabs you by the waist and turns you around, pushing your upper body down on the desk.

"Bent over," he declares, positioning himself behind you. You long to feel him and push your ass against him, feeling his erection pressing against his pants. He chuckles as you desperately try to rub yourself against him, moving his hips further away, while still pressing your back against the desk.

"Maybe I should teach you a lesson in discipline." He lifts your dress, and proceeds to pull down your underwear. 

"I can give you this," he continues, his two fingers sliding along your wet opening and over your clit, now pressing firmly, and a slow moan escapes your lips.

"Good. As long as you make it known how much you enjoy it, you can have more. Understood?" "Yes," you answer, a bit more quietly than you intended as your voice has escaped you. "I'm afraid that's not loud enough," he responds, withdrawing his hand. "No, please!" you cry out, and soon enough you're rewarded with the firm touch of his hand, rubbing against you. Not so cute anymore... but, better.

You don't want it to stop, so you make sure he hears every drop of pleasure you're experiencing as his hand moves up and down your area. You lean your forehead on the back of your wrist as you arch your back to give him more access, and he takes up the offer, sliding two fingers inside you. Deeper. You know what to do, and let our a cry of pleasure.

"Good girl, that's it." His fingers are deep inside you now, reaching close to your g-spot and rubbing with a slow but intensifying pace. You moan and whine constantly, scared that the pleasure might stop if not given the constant reassurance that you love it.

"I didn't know you were such a dirty girl," he continues, bringing a finger to gently tickle your anus as he fucks you with his other hand. You're dripping wet, drops rolling down your leg. Teasing around the rim of your anus, the tip of his finger slides in, aided by your own juices, and your muscles instantly tighten and grip around him. He forces his finger a bit further, and you're starting to feel a fullness, an intense pleasure as he takes control of your both openings. Everything is warm, round, full, pulsating. It's too intense, too much, too wonderful. He slides a third finger into your pussy and starts rubbing firmly against your spot.

"Now cum for me. Cum loudly."

He doesn't need to tell you again. You've barely held it together this long, and your whole body shakes violently, your knees buckling, drool falling on the desk, tears rolling out of your eyes as you let it all out, your cries, your juices, your utter surrender. Tears of pleasure turn into actual tears as emotions take you completely by surprise and your start sobbing, shaken to the core by the ecstasy you just experienced.

Rufus withdraws and watches you as he dries his hands on a white towel. You cover your mouth and try to hide the fact that you're crying, but do a poor job of it. The crying turns into laughter. You don't know what you're feeling, but it's magnificent. 

After a moment of gathering yourself, you finally lift up from the desk to wobbly legs, and turn around to face him. He extends his hand, presenting your underwear. You take it, letting out a little chuckle.

"Thank you." "You're welcome."

You clear your throat and put on your underwear while he watches.

"Can I-" you're about to suggest you return the favor, but he cuts you short. "No need. We're done here."

You blink your eyes, surprised.

"We are?" He nods. "For now."

He steps closer and looks at your face to check that you're decent, then wipes the corner of your eye with his thumb.

"Makeup." His hand smells of you. It's crazy. What just happened?

You look at each other for a moment. Then, he moves to his desk and reaches under, pressing a button. Almost instantly the door to the office opens from the outside and the leader of the Turks steps in wearing his immaculate dark blue suit. Was he waiting outside?

"Please escort my guest back to the party" Rufus instructs him. "Sir," the Turk agrees with a slight bow, and gestures at you to lead the way. 

You turn to look at Rufus one more time and he smiles, running his hand through his hair.

"Tseng will look after you. Now, please enjoy your evening."

"Sir," you nod, smiling, and make your way out of the room and to the elevators, suddenly painfully aware of how damp your underwear still is. If the Turk heard your little scene he certainly does not let it show. He bows at you politely and enters the elevator after you. He stands stoicly still as the doors close, until, half way down, he finally breaks the silence.

"Would you like to schedule your next meeting with the vice president?"

avatar masterlist

*note- after ehfar is over, i won't write for avatar anymore. also, these avatar fics are the first fics i've ever written and i've improved a lot since then! please read some of my other works if you enjoy these<3

zuko

transferred ↳ 23k words, finished series | trying to run from your past is hard, but falling for your brother’s roommate is even harder. little do you know that he’s falling for you as well.

everything happens for a reason ↳ 114k+ words, in progress series | as a servant in the fire nation, you’ve learned that life is often unfair. but as you venture through a tumultuous relationship with a certain prince, you come to realize a very tricky lesson: everything happens for a reason.

eyes closed  ↳ 1.3k words | you know you should hate him. but you can’t stop thinking about him. 

falling ↳ .8k words | two idiots go hiking together, romantic chaos ensues

warmth  ↳ 1.6k words | the two times he notices her shivering and the one time he does something about it. 

empty ↳ 1.6k words | victory had never felt so empty.

reminiscence ↳ 1.3k words | just because you and your husband are retired doesn’t mean you don’t have amazing advice for the new team avatar.

right where you left me ↳ 2.7k words | after his betrayal in the crystal caves, zuko returns to the fire nation a hero, leaving a fallen ba sing se behind him. but what happens to the girl he left behind, a girl who only knew him as lee?

oh spirits ↳ 1.8k words | literally just the ‘there was only one bed’ cliche with zuko

sokka

talking to the moon ↳ 4.1k words | dealing with the aftermath of the worst event of your life. 

you look perfect ↳ 1.7k | sokka cheers you up before your anniversary.

night owl ↳ .9k words | when things get too overwhelming, your boyfriend is always there to pull you back, no matter how forcefully he has to do it.

neighborly things ↳ 1.6k words | reader can’t make things for shit. thankfully, she has a cute and crafty neighbor willing to help her. 

come back safe ↳ 1.2k words | you and sokka have to part ways in ba sing se, but he’s not letting you go without saying his piece.

fever ↳ 1.7k words | sokka’s convinced there’s a mystery illness keeping you from focusing, but somehow he’s completely oblivious that the only ‘sick’ you are is lovesick, and he’s the reason you can’t focus.

hold on to me (im a little unsteady) ↳ 1.7k words | a late night with sokka reminds you that even on the worst days, you always have someone in your corner.

asami

death by a thousand cuts ↳ 3.1k words | you and asami fall out of love.

korra

cold ↳ .3k words | not everybody can withstand freezing weather of the south all day. luckily, between all the jokes at your expense, korra can help.