Zachary Trebellas. Video Games, 2014. Digitally Manipulated Screenshot From X-Men 2: Clone Wars For Sega.

Zachary Trebellas. Video Games, 2014. Digitally manipulated screenshot from X-Men 2: Clone Wars for Sega.

Zachary Trebellas. I feel like the economy and I want different things from each other, 2014. Digitally manipulated found image. 

"That's a crazy idea. But you could make that happen if you were ready to hustle. You can do that, right?"

I don't know if I want to. Every year since graduation, I feel my ambitions are becoming smaller. I tell myself I'm just becoming more realistic with age, but I can't help but miss the naïve idealism that my friends and I shared straight out of school. I've seen friends give up plans to join the US foreign service, break into the film industry, and become a performing musician for jobs in business, sales, and teaching. I used to think about starting a temporary public art org. focusing on non-urban areas, but since then I've scaled back my ideas. My school friends who dove into the art world became overwhelmed and overburdened. Young, public art non-profits I looked up to fell apart after five years.  Today I think more about what life I want than what job. Time to travel, see friends, make art, relax, that's what's important to me. "How can I lead a balanced life?" I ask myself. I know these are good thoughts, but when I read over public art grad programs and click out of them to return to my teaching program application, I can't help but feel like I've let my ambitions go a bit. Sure, I want to be an art teacher so I can have school breaks to fill with public art projects. But at the same time, I think about sacrificing everything to do something bold, and I feel a sense of longing for that impassioned life. I wonder if I'm "making the smart choice" too soon.

The final edition of Zeigo, the arts and English-focused newsletter I make for my middle schoolers every month. In it and my goodbye speech at school, I tried to focus on the importance of travel to expand one's world, as I felt it really has mine. My last day of work was yesterday. Next week I'm headed to Okinawa, then Tokyo, and then on August 13th back to Chicago. As it finally hits me, I'm starting to feel excited about going home. You can download a PDF of Zeigo here.

A recent photo shoot with my friend Ian for my Etsy shop, MYMYZAYZAY

A public service-type project I was thinking about distributing while in Japan. I ended up doing a presentation at my school on LGBT issues instead. Being gay was definitely one of the hardest things for me about living in Japan.

"You're not alone. There really are a lot of people who are gay, and they are all worrying and going through hard times like you, but there's nothing to be ashamed of -- I don't want you to become depressed." An edited excerpt from a video interview with a gay Japanese teacher, age 30.

1/16 Japanese people are sexual minorities.

The video, in English and subtitled Japanese, can be found here.