Excerpt From The Story I'll Never Write - Tumblr Posts

Love. How can I put it? It changes everything. Before it found me, I was so angry with the world. So angry that all I could think about was revenge. I became numb and cold. I became one with the walls. Unmoving. Uncaring. But so scared of tomorrow. It was preposterous that I casted fury like a villaines and tremble in fear at the same time. I've lived in the shadow of revenge. Reveled in the pangs of wrath for so long that I didn't feel I was still human. Until love found me. And it was a transforming journey. I could feel my armor falling off with my anger. I was vulnerable, exposed to the elements. At that moment, I felt change embracing me.

Love showed me the way to forgiveness. Love showed me the way to wholeness. Love showed me the way to hope. Love showed me the way to self-rediscovery.

Love showed me who I am.

-who i am,

katie, 18:45

@karineclaire

Many won't agree with what I'm going to say but it's a truth that needs to be heard. Love doesn't really hurt, it heals. If you've known love as something that ruptures your soul so you ended up shredded, maybe what you had was a counterfeit and haven't really met love after all.

For...

Love doesn't judge. It understands. Love doesn't take offense. It forgives. Love doesn't ridicule. It appreciates. Love doesn't outcast. It takes you into its arms for comfort. Love doesn't abuse. It heals.

Love is love. And it's something that you can run to after a long day of fighting wars. It's something that can put you back together after you've been shattered. It's something you can trust with your life for it doesn't betray. It's love.

And it's not...

A train. You don't need a ticket to board it. You don't need to run on your toes to catch it because it's leaving. Love doesn't leave. It stays. Surprisingly, even when we don't need it, it's just there.

It's not...

A game. People would play it with their selfish rules. But it doesn't need to be played. No one wins or loses in love. We're all equal in its eyes.

It's not...

On material things. It can't be measured by the value of gifts given. It can't be monetized. It doesn't have a currency.

It's not...

Something that you have to deserve. There are no requirements. You don't need to be beautiful or intelligent or rich or famous. We're all worthy of love. No one is below or above us.

For...

Love is love, regardless of how society tries to stain its name in an effort to fit it into the norms. It's been disgraced. Used to manipulate. Screamed out to frighten those who don't have a slight clue about what it is.

So...

If the hands you hold push you to be a stone and don't seem to transform you at all, let go. If the lips you kiss spit venom into your tongue that you end up poisoned and left to die, let go. If the arms wrapped around your waist don't hold you like you're going to fall apart, let go. If the eyes you stare at pierce your flesh that you bleed and shriek out in pain, let go. It's not love. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: LOVE DOESN'T HURT, IT HEALS.

Think about that.

(my love, you aren't aware of this but you redefine love to me everyday.)

-love as redefined,

letters to Jeffry,

katie, 18:00, 9th of March2020

Many won't agree with what I'm going to say but it's a truth that needs to be heard. Love doesn't really hurt, it heals. If you've known love as something that ruptures your soul so you ended up shredded, maybe what you had was a counterfeit and haven't really met love after all.

For...

Love doesn't judge. It understands. Love doesn't take offense. It forgives. Love doesn't ridicule. It appreciates. Love doesn't outcast. It takes you into its arms for comfort. Love doesn't abuse. It heals.

Love is love. And it's something that you can run to after a long day of fighting wars. It's something that can put you back together after you've been shattered. It's something you can trust with your life for it doesn't betray. It's love.

And it's not...

A train. You don't need a ticket to board it. You don't need to run on your toes to catch it because it's leaving. Love doesn't leave. It stays. Surprisingly, even when we don't need it, it's just there.

It's not...

A game. People would play it with their selfish rules. But it doesn't need to be played. No one wins or loses in love. We're all equal in its eyes.

It's not...

On material things. It can't be measured by the value of gifts given. It can't be monetized. It doesn't have a currency.

It's not...

Something that you have to deserve. There are no requirements. You don't need to be beautiful or intelligent or rich or famous. We're all worthy of love. No one is below or above us.

For...

Love is love, regardless of how society tries to stain its name in an effort to fit it into the norms. It's been disgraced. Used to manipulate. Screamed out to frighten those who don't have a slight clue about what it is.

So...

If the hands you hold push you to be a stone and don't seem to transform you at all, let go. If the lips you kiss spit venom into your tongue that you end up poisoned and left to die, let go. If the arms wrapped around your waist don't hold you like you're going to fall apart, let go. If the eyes you stare at pierce your flesh that you bleed and shriek out in pain, let go. It's not love. I said it earlier and I'll say it again: LOVE DOESN'T HURT, IT HEALS.

Think about that.

(my love, you aren't aware of this but you redefine love to me everyday.)

-love as redefined,

letters to Jeffry,

katie, 18:00, 9th of March2020

life f***d me so hard

now i am pregnant

at the mercy of fatigue

and morning sickness,

i dream of galaxies

far away,

of stars burning out,

of white holes emerging

entities from one dimension

to a newer, greener one

i conceived hope

from tears

my grey sky shed

here in my womb

a new possibility was implanted

i watch blood spots stain

the clean linen I wear,

remind myself of the gift

throbbing in my veins

life f****d me so hard

now i am finally pregnant

after years of being barren,

lurking in the dark woods,

marveling at the depth of

the wounds i try so hard

to conceal,

the wrist cuts gaping

like angry openings but never

allowed air to fill my lungs

i suffocate, shatter in the corner

grit my teeth, bite my lips

to keep me from screaming

silence is comforting they say

and i drank too much of it

isolated from the rest of the world,

i am a pariah

who crawl the earth,

taste the saltiness of my sweat,

swallow the dirt

i lure death to my private chamber

he evaded me

but from time to time he visits

the farthest

reaches of my memory

he is not mine to summon

i can only wish solace

from the swing of his sword

so life flirted with me

it was a magical moment

romance quickly blossomed from

my famished mouth,

a miracle mushrooming from

my aching breasts,

it urged me to believe love always wins

though i never had the chance

to taste victory no matter how fierce i called

its name from the void, love

is an illusion meant to

manipulate us in our most

vulnerable state

life used love to tame me

i was at its beck and call

i've lain on a bed of roses

for ten moons or so

woke at the light kisses of zephyr,

greeted by the warm strokes of the sun

i was happy until the waves grew

rough, devouring me

i fell unconscious from the blows

gained scars from the wars

i waged in my head

life f*****d me so hard

it was an excruciating night

i lost my pride

i lost my dignity

now i am pregnant

after enduring barrenness,

and frustration,

and pain

i am pregnant with faith

with hope,

with courage,

with new potentials

i harnessed from

the belligerent storms

the world sent

to prevent me from going home

-new beginning,

katie, 19:20