I Fucking Hate This Country - Tumblr Posts

God knew if he made me not have treatment resistant depression, that I would become an unstoppable force to be reckoned with. Or, a rant.

I'm going through Venlafaxine/Effexor withdrawals and HOLY FUCK this is terrible, I spent months tapering down to 75mg but I couldn't wait any longer to get off this capsule of hell. But now I'm going to try Bupropion AKA Zyban which isn't covered by the PBS for depression, it's only covered for smoking cessation, which makes no fucking sense bc its apparently quite an effective antidepressant, which means that it costs ONE HUNDRED AND EIGHT SIX DOLLARS (186 AUD or 125USD) which means that I'll probably only try this one only until the box runs out bc I do NOT have the money to spend on a medication that, with my luck, wont even fucking work and I'll feel waaay too guilty if my dad pays for it, even though he can afford it and it is his legal obligation... so my options for treating my depression, not including therapy bc that is also too expensive and I'm too self aware for it to work, are:

spend over 1,200 dollars per year and take the Bupropion/Zyban, if it does work.

try MAOIs, which means I'll have to go through MORE withdrawals and most likely have to stop taking my ADHD meds.

try and see if Ketamine therapy is legal where I live for minors and just in general, then try and get a job to pay for it bc holy shit it is expensive.

try even MORE SSRI's even though I've already tried six different ones since I was eight years old and I'm almost seventeen.

try electroconvulsive therapy, which will most likely not be covered by either my insurance OR Medicare and will one hundred percent cost a LOT of money to have done regularly.

and my final option, which is to follow in the footsteps of my paternal half siblings and all my paternal first cousins, which would be succumbing to drug addiction as a way to numb myself and pretend that everything is fine.

Basically, I'll either spend a ton of money which I do not have, and also need to save for top surgery, which may or may not end up actually treating me, or I follow in the footsteps of pretty much everyone on my dads side of the family and repeat the cycle of generational trauma.

So, either way, I am absolutely fucked.