Image From Candy And Edited By Me - Tumblr Posts

Harlequinade

Ledger!Joker x Harley (what I think she’d be like in the Nolanverse)

Word Count: 2710

Warnings: None

Summary: Harleen assembles her costume and requests to join Joker in his mission to spread chaos, much to his horror.

Author’s Note: Woo! Last chapter of this fic is complete! I didn’t think I’d ever get it done. Harley has officially gone off the deep end. There’s no turning back now! Anyway, I renamed this fic on Ao3 to Fire Meet Gasoline in reference to a Sia song because it’s totally them. I’m probably also going to rename some of the chapter titles as well because they’re vague and not very creative. Coming up with titles is not my strong point. Anyways, as always enjoy! I really liked writing this. There will definitely be more to come.

Joker woke up to the sound of a loud crash. He sat straight up and scanned the apartment. He relaxed when he realized it was just Harleen. She was in the kitchen making something. Two metal pans had fallen on the floor.

Sighing, Joker stood up and stretched. He groggily walked into the kitchen.

“Whatcha doing?” He asked Harleen.

“Cooking breakfast.” She replied as she mixed something in a bowl.

Joker watched her work, admiring her curves in the dim morning light. 

“I found a pancake mix. It was in the back of one of those cabinets I cleaned out yesterday. You need to restock on food by the way.” Harleen told him.

“I don’t feel like going anywhere today.” 

“I could go later.” 

“How?”

“I’ll walk. Duh.”

“That’s not a very good idea.”

“There’s a Walmart three blocks from here. It’s not far. I’ll be fine.”

“If you say so.”

Joker sat down at the kitchen table. Harleen poured the mixture into a buttered pan on the stove and let it cook.

“How’s your side?” She asked.

“Sore.” 

“It should be. That cut was pretty deep.”

“Your bad stitching is part of it.” 

“It was good enough that you wouldn’t bleed out. Give me a break. I’m a psychiatrist not a surgeon.” 

Joker smirked. “Practicing psychiatrist?” 

Harleen shot him a look. “You love rubbing it in my face, don’t you?”

“Oh come on. Who would willingly want that job? It’d be so boring. Paperwork, phone calls, and sooo much sitting. That’s all those people know how to do! Every time I see my doctor he’s sitting down.”

Harleen laughed at his dramatics. “I would. And it’s not boring. Do you have any idea how fascinating the mind is?”

“Sure I do. I’m a prime example.” Joker said with a wide grin.

Harleen shook her head and flipped the pancakes in the pan over. Joker wasn’t done.

“You’re, uh, too pretty for that place, doll. They would’ve ruined you.”

Harleen smiled a little. It was getting ridiculous how much he kept calling her pretty.

She finished off the pancakes and brought them over to the table. Joker grabbed the syrup bottle and made a smiley face on his, making Harleen chuckle. He could be so adorable sometimes.

After they ate, Joker gave Harleeen some money for the groceries. 

“Here. Buy what you need to. Try not to get stuff that goes bad quickly. Don’t talk to anyone unless you have to and don’t draw attention to yourself.” He instructed.

Harleen nodded. She threw on one of his flannels to stay warm in the chilly October weather, pocketed the knife he gave her, and went on her way. 

She bought the food first, avoiding people and laying low just like Joker asked her too. The cashier gave her a weird look when she checked out and Harleen guessed it was the love bite Joker had given her a couple nights before. Embarrassed, she hid it with her hair, paid for the food, and left carrying two big brown bags.

As she rounded the corner on the way back, she made a second stop. This was why she really wanted to go out. If she wanted to join Joker, she had to look the part.

The second stop was a thrift store with clothes and other miscellaneous stuff. Being October, they had out their Halloween stuff which gave Harleen more options within the style she was looking for. 

She came across a sleeveless black crop top with a red rim on the bottom. It was a bit too revealing for her liking but she could cover up with the reddish purple flannel she stole borrowed from Joker. Then she found two pairs of jeggings. One black and one red. She couldn’t decide which one she liked the best so she got both. Next she needed some shoes. She saw a pair of black lace up boots and decided they were right for the job.

A black belt with a diamond shaped buckle caught her eye. It wasn’t necessary but added something to the look. She grabbed it as well. She already bought hair dye and makeup at Walmart so she was good there. 

Feeling satisfied, she went to check out. There was a sweet looking old lady at the counter. She rang up the items and chuckled.

“Are you gonna be a clown for Halloween or something?” She asked innocently.

Oh she has no idea.

“Um yeah… Me and my boyfriend actually.”

“How sweet. That’ll be fifteen fifty two.” 

Harleen used some of the leftover money to pay. Joker had given her a lot. The old lady handed her the bags and Harleen nodded her thanks. She left the store and started the route back to the apartment.

When she finally got there, she began the climb up the stairs. It was a struggle with the bags in her hands but eventually she made it to the right floor. She put the bags through the window and tumbled into the floor. She stood up and carried the bags to the table. 

Joker was sitting on the bed tinkering with something. Harleen hoped it wasn’t an explosive. He glanced up at her. 

“Need help?” 

“I’ve got it.”

Joker went back to focusing on the device and Harleen used the momentary distraction to hide her costume in the bathroom. She stashed it in the cabinet under the sink.

Then she went back to the table and started putting the groceries away. She looked over at Joker and tried to figure out what he was working on.

“What is that?” She asked him.

“It’s a bomb. But don’t worry, doll, this is just the wiring. I won’t hook up the explosive part until I need it.” He said with a wide grin. 

Harleen shook her head. She finished putting up the groceries and sat down at the table.

Joker stopped where he was at and stored the device in a box with all his other weapons and supplies. 

“I’ve got to go wash my suit. I’m going out tomorrow.” He announced and grabbed his clothes from the floor.

“Wash it where?”

“There’s a washer and dryer downstairs. How else do you think I washed your clothes the other day?”

“There's a downstairs?!” 

“Yeah. It’s just kinda eerie down there. You probably wouldn’t like it.” 

“Oh.”

“Need anything washed?” 

“No. You go ahead.” 

Joker opened a door in the kitchen that led down a staircase. Harleen had thought that it was just a closet. Joker disappeared down the stairs, carrying his clothes in a laundry basket.

The next day

Joker and Harleen sat at the kitchen table, eating an early dinner that Harleen had prepared.

“What time are you leaving tonight?” She asked.

“Uh, probably around six. Why?”

“I was just wondering.”

Actually she was just estimating how much time she had to get ready. Joker was going out tonight and she was going to join him.

Joker stood up and tossed his plate into the sink. 

“I’m not gonna get any sleep tonight so I should probably take a nap. I’ll be in bed if you need anything.” He said with a yawn.

He fell face first into bed and curled up under the covers. Harleen waited a few minutes before she made her move. Once she was certain that Joker was asleep, she went to the bathroom and shut the door, locking it.

Harleen took out her outfit and looked over it. It was so perfect. She remembered she couldn’t decide which color pants she wanted and got an idea. If she couldn’t decide on one color then why not attach them both together? It would match the idea she had for her hair and it made her look more clown-like. As a bonus she could have an extra pair of pants.

So she grabbed the sewing kit from the cabinet and got to work. She cut the two pants in half and sewed the red sides to the black sides. Her sewing skills were not the greatest but they managed to get the job done. After the pants were done she tried them on to make sure they fit properly.

Seeing that they did, she folded them and stored them under the sink along everything else. She left the bathroom to check on J. She glanced at the clock. It was 4:30. She had plenty of time to dye her hair and do her makeup.

Joker was sitting at the table dying his hair green again. His makeup was scattered across the table. He finished with the dye and put his hair up into a small ponytail.

Harleen chuckled at how silly he looked, causing him to look up at her.

“What? I look gorgeous. You’re just jealous.” Joker quipped, tossing a towel over his shoulders.

Harleen stifled her laughter. “Whatever.”

Joker moved on to his makeup and she watched his process. He dabbed on the white paint first and then slathered on the black paint around his eyes. Lastly, he took the tube of lipstick and smeared it over his lips and scars.

Inspired, Harleen went back into the bathroom.

“What’re ya doing in there?” Joker called from the kitchen.

“Shaving!” Harleen lied.

“Good to know.” Joker mumbled.

Harleen set the hair dye on the counter. There were two boxes. One was a red color and the other was a black color. She read the instructions and opened them.

She took the dye out and dipped the bottom of one section into the red dye. Once it had soaked in long enough, she wrapped the strands in foil and moved on to the other side. She dipped it in the black dye and repeated the process.

While she waited on the dye to fully seep in, she began to piece together her outfit.

She put on the crop top first, careful not to mess up her hair, and then the mix-matched pants. She fastened the belt around her waist.

Harleen admired her work so far. She hoped Joker would like it as much as she did. That was all that mattered.

She checked the small clock on the counter. 15 minutes left until the dye was ready.

She worked on her makeup next. First she applied mascara and black eyeliner, extending it out into wings. Then she took her eyeshadow palette and smeared the blackest shade around her eyes. It looked similar to Joker's black paint but more smudged and transparent. She used the eyeliner again to make a line down her eyebrows and cheekbones. This gave the look another clown-like effect.

Next it was time for her mouth. She grabbed her tube of lipstick and spread the bright red pigment on her lips. She purposely smeared it on the corners and around the edges to look more like Joker.

Harleen glanced back at the clock. The 15 minutes was up. She removed the foil from her hair and examined the coloration. It seemed good enough. She divided her hair into the two sections again and braided them. The black side on her left. The red side on her right. 

Lastly, she completed her look with the black boots and threw on the red flannel. She looked at the clock again. It was almost 5:30. She needed to approach Joker now. It would give him enough time to process this before he had to go. She turned the door handle cautiously and tiptoed out into the open. 

Joker was leaning against the counter in his entire 3 piece suit, a full face of makeup, and freshly dyed hair. He was reading the newspaper to pass the time.

Harleen gathered her courage and spoke.

“J…”

Joker looked up at her and his jaw dropped.

“I want to be your partner in crime. Your harlequin.” She said, looking him in the eyes unafraid.

Joker stared back at her in shock.

"What?"

"I want to join you." Harleen repeated firmly.

Joker was speechless at first. She looked hot. He was starting to get aroused just by looking at her. He shook off those thoughts and focused. He was touched by her enthusiasm but he couldn't let her do this.

"Harley... I, uh, appreciate the thought. Really, I do. But I can't ask you to do this. It's too dangerous first of all. And I don’t want you throwing everything away just for me. There’s more for you out there."

"But I want this. I want you. I'm not throwing anything away. You're all I have right now. I have no job, no home, no family..."

"You have a doctorate degree in psychology. You could get a job somewhere."

"I don't have money, J. I was flat broke when I came to Gotham and now I'm fully depleted. Where am I gonna go? Besides, I don't wanna leave you."

"You could just stay with me. I'll provide for us."

"No. I'd feel so useless. You’ve done enough for me. I owe you something."

"Harley, no. I can't let you do this. You wouldn't know the first thing about this kind of work."

"Please. I can learn. You can teach me."

Joker started to get aggravated.

"Harley, I said no. What's even keeping you here with me? You know the risks. Am I really worth it?”

"Yes! I would've left a long time ago if I didn't think this was worth it. I...I love you."

Joker looked stunned for a second.

"Ha! Love me? You barely know me." 

Harleen gasped. That was hurtful.

"We've known each other for two months!" She shouted.

"Exactly. Only two months. That's not nearly enough time."

"You didn't have this attitude the other night! You wanted us to be together as much as I did! This is just you being defensive. You're afraid.”

"Watch it."

"No! You're pushing me away because you don't want to deal with these feelings. Just talk it out. It's okay."

"Just stop! Stop it. Just let me...let me think." 

Joker paused and stared at the ground. Harleen went silent. After a few moments, he seemed to come to a solution.

"You're right. I'm sorry. I'll tell you what. You can come with me tonight just to see how things work. If I see that you can handle it, then I’ll let you help. That sound good?"

"Yes. Thank you." Harleen said and stepped forward to kiss him.

Joker put his hand up to stop her.

“Harleen, look at me. You know what will happen if you’re seen with me and even worse if you’re caught, right?”

“Yes. I’m prepared for it.” 

Joker exhaled loudly and threw his hands up.

“I just don’t get it! Explain to me why, out of all the ways you could help me, you choose this.” 

“While I don’t entirely agree with the way you’re going about it, I like your message. Your chaos monologues are starting to make sense to me. I get it now. I don’t wanna help from the sidelines. I wanna be there with you. Whether you’re robbing mob banks or blowing shit up.” 

“You have no idea what you’re signing up for. You will be in so much danger.”

“So be it. I don’t care. As long as I’m with you.” 

Joker sighed. “This is just…baffling. I don’t understand. Nobody’s ever…” 

“Nobody’s ever what? Use your words.” 

“Nobody has ever, uh, cared about me this much. What is so great about me? I’m such a monster. You’re the complete opposite. You’re just so radiant. In everything you do. I love that about you.” 

Joker gasped. He couldn’t believe what he’d just said. Those sappy, gushy words actually came out of his mouth. He felt better confessing to her how he felt but that didn’t mean he didn’t want to vomit at hearing himself swoon.

Harleen, however, was elated to hear him say that. She reached up and tenderly kissed his cheek.

“You’re no monster to me.” She whispered in his ear.

They stared romantically into each other’s eyes until Joker snapped himself out of the trance. He glanced at his watch.

“Enough of all this sentimental shit. We gotta go.”

He took Harleen’s hand.

“Come on my dear. Let’s go stir up some chaos.”