Incorrect Avengers Quotes - Tumblr Posts
Bruce: Stop buying plastic skeletons for Halloween! It's terrible for the environment!
Thor: Yeah! Locally sourced, all natural skeletons are much more environmentally friendly!
Thor: change is inedible
Bruce: don’t you mean inevitable?
Thor, spitting out coins: No I do not.
Thor, standing with their back turned: I’ve been expecting you, Bruce.
Bruce: How did you do that without turning around?
Thor: ... To be perfectly honest, the first couple of people I did that to were not you.
Loki walking in on nat killing clint in electrical: ...
Nat: ...
*dead body reported*
Tony: i bet you it was a self report-
Loki ready to kill him: it was tony in electrical, i got natasha for back up
Nat: *sigh of relief* its true...
Tony: What?! No, it wasnt me!!
Bruce: well i did just see tony walk out from storage, he could've been near...
Tony visibly frustrated: It wasnt me!
Peter.p: why would you kill mr. clint sir, mr stark?
Tony: *distressed father noises*
Pepper: It looks like it's gonna be a white Christmas this year!
Tony: It's supposed to rain on the 24th
Pepper, covering Morgan, Peter, Harley and Nebula's ears:
A defensive Vision covering Wanda's ears:
Natasha covering Clint's ears:
Bucky and Steve struggling to cover each other's ears:
Stephen: STOP.
Karen: Peter, what you're wearing is interfering with you fight-
Peter: RESPECT THE DRIP, KAREN
Tony: I thought you liked the shells kraft dinner?
Peter: I'm trying something new like you said
Tony: but-
Peter: THIS IS ME EXPANDING MY PALLET, DAD.
Ned: When you first meet someone and it's new and exciting, you know that feeling?
Peter: No. No, see, when I first meet somebody it's mostly panic, anxiety and a great deal of sweating.
The original 6 avengers but it was a 90s sitcom?
Shut up, you're older than Sesame Street.
- Peter to Tony
Thor: Look Bruce! I made medium-rare chicken.
Bruce: … Thor that’s way undercooked, you’re gonna get salmonella
Thor: Hah! Hilarious. This isn’t salmon, Bruce
bruce: name a more iconic duo than my fear of abandonment and my instinct to self isolate. i’ll wait.
thor: you and i
bruce, crying: alright
Somewhere in the mulriverse...
Tony is alive and lives for another day,to watch Morgan grow,and Peter go to college.
Loki is alive and the sun is shining on both him and Thor as they rule Asgard.
Natasha is alive and is happy with both her families.
Wanda gets the happy ending,though she doesn't brainwash Westview she still has vision..
Pietro is alive,he moved Clint out the way instead of being a human shield.
Gamora is alive and happy with the guardians.
So..Thanos is not a madman..somewhere in the multiverse..
Everyone and I mean everyone in the avengers (including pepper) let Peter get away with waaay more than normal. Tony always grumbles about the unfairness of it all but knows he's the one who let's Peter get away the most.
nat: OK I’M GIVING YOU TEN SECONDS TO TELL ME WHO ATE MY OREOS BEFORE I START WREAKING HAVOC ON YOUR ASSES
tony: i saw peter go into the cabi…
peter: mr. stark please don’t do this
tony: cabinet and grab the pack
peter: why would you do this to me
nat: oh peter it was you? do you want another pack sweetheart?
Honestly, same.
Tony : Are you having another depressive episode?
Peter: A depressive episode?
Peter: I'm having a depressive series and we're just on season one.
Times When Peter Used His Puppy Dog eyesTM
Tony: It's crazy how Pepper, Rhodey and Happy think that I'd give you everything if you showed me your puppy dog eyes.
Peter:
Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*
Tony: I'm going to buy you the entire universe.
____________________________________
Dr.Strange: I'm going to say this one last time, Peter. I am not going to teach you magic.
Peter: So you choose the hard way.
Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*
Dr.Strange: What- what are you doing? What type of dark magic is this?
Peter: *Puppy dog eyes intensifies*
Dr.Strange: Ok fine!
____________________________________
Bucky: Kid, I'm not going to teach you how to shoot a gun. Stark would literally kill me.
Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*
Bucky: N-nat, what's he doing?
Natasha: Just give in, he's too strong. Peter's already won over the others.
Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes intensify*
Bucky: You win!
____________________________________
Sam: You can't make me join your weird family, I already have one. Just because you over Stark, Bucky, Nat and everyone one else doesn't mean crap!
Peter:
Peter: *Puppy Dog eyes*
Sam: No! Stop!
Peter: *Puppy dog eyes intensify*
Sam: Ok fine, I'll join your weird family! I'll be your annoying big brother figure! Just stop!
Wanda: That's just the summary of my life.
Peter: Same with my life, it's literally just a series of Ls.
Natasha: I would say that, but I haven't cried since I was a child.
Steve: You all concern me.
Sam: THIS is why we need to start group therapy sessions.
Bruce: I agree with Sam on this one, though one on one therapy with licensed therapists is also very beneficial.
Bucky: Bruce, you do know we're all superheroes right? More specifically, unpaid Superheroes.
Clint: I have a post battle head ache and if you all don't stop sending messages, I'm going to use some SHIELD tech to delete this groupchat.
Tony: You know that I'm a billionaire and can pay for literally everyone's therapy, right?
Tony: And we'll be talking about what you said later Pete.
Tony: Also, no need to get the SHIELD tech birdbrain. I'm going to delete this groupchat anyway.
[Peter in the Avengers group chat after they failed a mission]
Peter: The sun will rise and we'll cry again
Peter: try*
Peter: Oh forget it, cry is fine I guess
Kate: Dude, how do you fight using things everyday and just swing around New York?
Peter: I mean it's really not that difficult, you just have to have enough upper and lower body strength to first launch yourself off of the ground and then to carry your entire body weight. You also need to calculate where or who the webs are going to land on, things needed to be taken into account are the angle, height and-
Kate: And you do this every, single, day?
Peter: Yep.
*Continues to land a perfect shot on a robot, causing it to explode and take out it's surrounding robots*
Kate: Dude you win, you literally win. I pledge my soul, body and heart to you, you will be the leader of tomorrow, you are a literal legend and-
Clint: Will you both please focus? I need to get back home before dinner and there are still a lot of robots left.
Tony: What Legolas said, hurry the hell up.
Tony:Also Peter, we will be going into detail on how you use your webs during lab time today.
Okay this just randomly came to me at night but like, can you imagine Kate and Peter (who are automatically besties, no I do not take criticism) exchange their weapons (Peter's we shooters, Kate's Bow) just to see if they could use them. And then there's an attack on New York (a normal Tuesday) and they both have to fight with the other's weapons.
Kate tries to use the webshooters but fails miserably and just ends up on the roof a building and webs the enemies, robots, whatever from there. Peter on the other hand is absolutely amazing at using a bow and is destroying the enemies because a) He has better vision due to the spider bite and b) He's good at aiming due to his webs as they need to be aimed perfectly.
Like, just imagine Kate being frustrated, Peter having the time of his life using a bow and Clint and Tony just being Tired DadsTM.
Tony: Look, all I'm saying is that drinking two, 5 hours energy drinks would give us double the energy!
Clint: Bullshit! It would obviously give us 10 hours of energy. I thought you were a scientist.
Tony: And I thought you had a brain-
Steve: Can we please go back to the meeting?
Bruce: Why are we even discussing this?
Natasha: Because those two idiots don't have a single braincell between them to make a logical thought if their lives depended on it.
Tony: You all clearly don't understand the importance-
Peter, who everyone had forgot was there: Both.
Everyone:...
Tony:...What?
Peter, who has 10 assignments due tomorrow and is vibrating from being high on energy: Both.
*Scuttles off to his cocoon on the ceiling*