Ivan Goncharov Bsd - Tumblr Posts

𝐃𝐨𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐞𝐯𝐬𝐤𝐲 𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐬 𝐭𝐨 𝐛𝐞 𝐬𝐞𝐞𝐧 𝐚𝐬 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝, 𝐰𝐡𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐛𝐚𝐝

Fyodor doesn't love himself. And what do people do when they feel like that? They hope to find someone who can.

But Dostoevsky craves a very specific type of love, the one which paints a halo over his head. One that's bright enough to outshine all of his sins. He wants to be seen as savior. As a good person, despite the deeds he's committed.

So Fyodor rejects all the other types of “love” he's been offered. He wants only an Ideal one and nothing more.

Because let's be honest, even people who are deeply devoted to him (like Gogol) don't see Fyodor as a good person. “Decay of ages is pure evil, that's why I joined it”—that's a paraphrased quote from Nikolai. Yes, he admires Fyodor with all of his heart. But whatever morality is left in Gogol realizes that Fyodor is pretty messed up and the things that he's doing are bad. But of course, in Nikolai's case, that makes teaming up with Dostoy even more attractive.

The only, and I mean only, person who seemed to see Fyodor as a holy savor was Ivan Goncharov. And for that to happen, Dostoy literally had to drive an ice pick into his brain. A lobotomy was successful, so Ivan thought that Fyodor was a god-sent on a mission to save everyone. And ironically enough, Ivan was one of the few subordinates Fyodor didn't set up to directly dispose off afterward. He is in jail, but at the very least, Dostoy hasn't arranged his assassination personally. In a way, he spared Ivan. Maybe, because the later admired him so much, and saw Fyodor in the way he wanted: as someone holy.

Makes sense. No one in their sound mind sees Fyodor as an Ambassador of Heaven. They see him as a Devil.

And that doesn't seem to bother Dostoevsky. Despite all of his frantic desires to change humanity, to create a ripple effect, to derail the course of history… He doesn't seem to give a single damn about what people think about him.

Who fulfills Fyodor's need to be valued for his intelect, his skills? Who helps him to stay on track, when no one notices his effort to make the world a “better place”?

Well, Fyodor has someone who reciprocates these desires. Someone, who sees him as a good person, striving to make a change. That entity is a God whose presence Fyodor senses in his head.

The God, as Dostoevsky envisions him as, is the only one who's able to see the goodness in his being.

Through the God's eyes Fyodor observes himself to find a meaning in his reality.

This why Fyodor so desperately insists that he's the only one who can understand and fulfil the God's will.

Because, without God, his only source of approval and validation is gone.