Ottos Personal Life - Tumblr Posts
I was at work yesterday and a kid, about fiveish, comes to the counter with his guardian. She proceeds to ask him something in which the boy replied, looking at me,
“Pretend that I am dead and that God is holding my hand.”
I was confused and a bit unsettled to say the least. Kids say the darnedest things. Why do I always get the weird kids?
I fucking don’t want to deal with family on holiday get together todaaaayyyyyy
*singing this very loudly and dramatically out my bedroom window before retreating inside because it is just too fucking bright out and my sunblocking curtains was doing an excellent job keeping the light out and the air conditioner chill air in*
My coworker is an atheist and I was telling her one I just wanted to leave work and go home to watch Bigfoot videos. She told me she can’t be convinced to believe in Bigfoot and I quickly responded with “Like Jesus, even though you don’t believe in him, Bigfoot still loves you.” and we both died laughing.
Get ready for some rambling because I don’t know what to do with this information. TLDR.
Ever since I can remember I would randomly smell different scents- scents that were no where near me let alone in the same place as me. I never looked up anything like this until recently and the most popular thing I saw was something called “Phantom Smell”. However, people with Phantom Smell say they smell something burning like toast or a chemical like smell, something always bad it seemed. I have bad allergies and have been on allergy medicine since I can remember as well and as I grew older and developed depression the smells come more frequently I feel. When I was younger I would only smell something here and there, have a long few year break, then start smelling something again.
The smells I most commonly smelled was freshly dug dirt or specifically Lipsmackers Watermelon chapstick. Now that I’m older I have been smelling freshly cut watermelon, flat soda pops, fresh cut onions, and other smells that seem nostalgic to me but I can’t quite place. These smells have always only lasted a second or two but they would be strong or very mild. Enough for me to register what they were and then they vanish.
I have a very great and close best friend of ten years and I have always expressed to them when I would randomly smell something. I was getting ready to leave their house a few years back when I randomly smelled orange soda pop. They, however, did not have orange soda pop in their home. I received a text a few hours later from my friend saying the party they were attending had orange soda pop.
The same friend has gone on vacation twice this year and both times I smelled freshly cut juicy watermelon. These scents can get so powerful I swear it’s like visualizing the item into existence just by the smell. And each time I texted them and told them what I had smelled they came back each time with the answer of they had watermelon in their possessions each time.
The most recent smell I’ve had was a peeled banana.
I used to preform in my school’s theatre productions. During my second year performing, I carved my initials into the floor backstage.
Doing a craft I picked up at the shops lol. Y’all want updates?
Doing a craft I picked up at the shops lol. Y’all want updates?
So, I bought the remaining volumes of the series CHEW I needed plus the first two volumes of CHU. But like, man. They sent them all in SEPARATE PACKAGES.
Like man. These books aren’t that thick. They all came from the same place. Why ship them separately?
I just really love this series though. I’m just glad I got them.❤️
Today I feel the need to post this somewhere that isn’t my deviantart.
I don’t like to post about my personal life and I am just one of many out there, but today, I want to just lay it down.
I don’t like to talk about my personal life because I have a fear of the repercussions it may lead to and what I might cause to myself and the others around me.
Earlier this year I started going to a therapist and he helped a lot, bless him, but I haven’t gone back since due to some other major life changing events I do not wish to dwell on. My therapist helped me realize that a lot of my anger and anxiety, which the latter of the two being through the roof, was caused by my upbringing. In other words, my inability to contain my emotions and how to deal with a sticky situation was not taught well to me as a child.
Then, on top of that and unfortunately many years of my life later, I came to fully realize that someone very close to me was, in short, a gaslighting narcissist. This person put so much strain on me growing up that I didn’t realize it. When I would sense something wasn’t really right, or my words would get twisted by this person but I was unable to do anything about it, I thought it was normal to feel as I felt.
I grew up walking on eggshells, and still do, and fearing of upsetting them. I can’t even begin to list all the things they do and have done to me nor do I think I feel comfortable doing so. Since going to therapy and realizing all my anger, anxiety, depression, zoning out, on top of many other issues, we’re caused by a lot in my past I feel like I really want to try and push forward.
I say this but I know darn well I probably won’t. However, I do, at this moment, have a sense of at least wanting to move forward. I would like to work on my projects again and really focus on the things that give me a little spark of serotonin. For the past five years I have spent procrastinating and depressed and in slow motion due to my home circumstances. I hate putting the blame all on this person- even if it was mostly them.
I do want to look forward to organizing and encouraging myself to work, but I feel like everything almost does not ever go according to my plans. So I say again, I want to look forward to start a new chapter, but we’ll see how that goes.
Can’t have too much of a good thing, you know?
Fun Fact: I love fruit popping boba.
I knew the moment I started feeling the slightest but okay shit would hit the fan.
Even though shit hit the fan and I’m still stressed about it. In other news I cleaned off my desk and chair and washed them both. I am now able to sit at them once again.
I made another YouTube video after a year hiatus lol
Flesh confetti 🎉
As an Ace person, I do wear a black ring on my right middle finger because it makes me feel like I can show off my identity and orientation without excessively shouting it to everyone, while still showing it off. Mainly because I work in a very conservative workplace and it’s easy to pass it off as just a ring.
However
It cracks me up having customers ask how long I’ve been married for and how my partner is. And I get it! I get a lot of people have been resorting to a simple silicon ring, which is what I have, but it’s on the wrong hand.
Again, I know not everyone and their mothers are going to understand what a black ring is going to mean, but these are older people. It’s not just young people as well, but older people. Older people that have been married for years and know that I wear it on the wrong it. But again, they could be making a number of assumptions why I don’t wear it on “the right hand” but it just makes me laugh sometimes.
Got to the point in my life where I wear platforms to work and feel pretty cool with that.
Grow my hair out, I said.
It’ll be fun, I said.
Y’all… I think I’m gonna get really personal here… life update soon.