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Coming Out - Colin Ritman (Bandersnatch)

This was such a cute ask, I tried not to project what I would want if I were to come out to a friend, tried to make it as Colin-y as possible lmao. Anyway, thanks sweet Anon, I enjoyed writing it!

Warnings: Mentions of homophobia, hate crimes, Colin acting like Colin (mostly), and drug use

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You were so nervous, palms sweaty and a layer of skin on your bottom lip freshly chewed off as you anxiously watched buildings and trees pass by from your window seat on the bus.

In an another world, this would've been easier, simple. But unfortunately, the time you lived in was less than simple.

Every day you heard horror stories of people getting beaten to death, kicked out of their homes, shunned by friends and families, so you felt justified in your nervousness for wanting to finally come out. You just couldn't live like this anymore, at least, not to your best friend.

You had been friends with Colin for years now, everything just made sense when you first met him. It was magical how quickly the two of you bonded, it was almost like you were soul mates. But that feeling didn't make it any easier when you decided you wanted to share your deepest secret with him.

In your heart, you might've known that Colin would never stop being your friend just because you were attracted to women. Colin was one of the most progressive people you ever met. But this kind of thing wasn't really talked about often, if so, it would be discussed in private in hushed whispers even if nobody else was in the room. You knew how your parents felt about it, thinking it's unnatural and never hesitating to throw around every homophobic slur imaginable. It was a good thing you were able to provide for yourself, so you didn't have to worry about being thrown out on the streets. But Colin was your chosen family, and being rejected by him would feel a lot worse.

You arrived at Colin's flat, the bus ride over feeling like it was over too fast. You thought you'd have more time to hype yourself up. Despite your intense nervousness, you put one foot in front of the other, trying not to think about why you were there, but just that you were visiting your best friend. Tried to ignore your rapidly pounding heart, how acutely aware you were of your heavy breathing, the puffs of air being visible in the cold weather.

As soon as Colin opened his front door, he immediately took notice of your state. "You good, mate?" He asked.

"Oh, uh, yeah. Yeah. It's just really fuckin' cold out." You laughed dryly.

Colin could tell you were lying, but he kept a neutral expression. "Well, come in then. I'll fix you some tea." You smirked slightly, knowing it wouldn't be just tea. But maybe it would relax you a little, so you didn't refuse.

You sipped on your tea while watching Colin work on his latest game, already feeling the effects of whatever drug he laced it in, it was a pretty relaxing one due to how calm you started to feel. But that one reason you agreed to hang out with him still floated around in your mind, and you wondered if it would be better to get it over with or build up to it with conversation.

"So..." You dragged out, "do anything fun recently?" Colin immediately looked at you in confusion, feeling the underlying judgment in his expression. Yeah, you weren't one to make small talk. You sighed, putting down your mug on the table that sat in his office, your nerves coming back in full force that even drugs couldn't save you from.

"Just tell me whatever the fuck's on your mind, mate." Colin spat out, obviously annoyed. "You tell me everything, what's so different this time?"

You chuckled nervously, most people finding his bluntness rude but you found it as a sign of trust between the two of you, he was never afraid to speak his mind around you. "It's kinda hard to talk about, for me, at least."

Colin's eyes softened briefly when he saw how nervous you actually were, he had a sense of it when you first arrived, but he could clearly see how much your hands were shaking as they rubbed together. He probably should've been a bit more sympathetic. "How long have we've been best friends?"

"Uh, almost five years now, I believe." You answered.

"If I can put up with you for as long as I have, what makes you think that'll change any time soon?" That's the best he could do, but he tried. You giggled, which he took as a good sign that he didn't fuck up his words too much.

"Well," You started with a stutter, "there's something about myself that I haven't told you yet. Since we've been friends for so long, I've started to feel guilty about keeping this from you. I'm, uh...I'm attracted to women...only women." There, you said it, but you didn't expect such a weight to be lifted off your shoulders, but it happened. You felt like you could finally take a deep breath, but you still tried to focus on Colin's reaction, if he even had one.

"Cool. So, that's it?" He said simply, leaving you shocked.

"What do you mean that's it?" You asked, slightly offended.

"I thought you were gonna tell me that you murdered someone or something."

"Wait, wait, wait...did you know?"

"No."

"And you're not, like, shocked?"

"Why would I be? You're still you, preferring one gender to another isn't gonna change that, not for me. What? Were you expecting me to want to stone you or something?"

"Well, no. It's just, not many people accept people like me."

"Y/n, really. You know me. You know I'd accept you for whoever you are. I'd accept you even if you did murder someone, I'd even help you bury the body." Colin chuckled dryly, bringing a joint to his mouth and lighting it, taking a long drag before turning to look at you again. You still had a slightly shocked expression on your face, and he felt the need to say something else. "Look, I," He sighed, "I'm no good at emotions and all that shit, but I do hope you believe me when I say that I do accept you for who you are."

You smiled softly. "Of course I do." You grabbed onto his hand and squeezed lightly. "Thank you, Colin, really. I don't know what I'd do without you in my life."

"Yeah, yeah, yeah." He pulled his hand away in annoyance, but even he couldn't hide the small smile that made its way onto his lips.

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Gotta love short and sweet, well, I love short and sweet. Hope you enjoyed it, at least. Sigh...if only everybody was like Colin