Raccoon Talk - Tumblr Posts

So we've been trying to figure out our wedding rings, and I have been so incredibly disappointed to discover that he has absolutely *heinous* taste in jewelry. How the fuck am I supposed to explain to this man that a massive asymmetric industrial statement ring is not a good choice for a wedding band??? What can I even say that isn't already obvious???

@noveical part of the problem is that (according to the jeweler) rings made of funky materials like tungsten and cobalt or whatever can't be cut off in an emergency and also can't be resized... So that narrows down the options a lot because apparently those are the Manly and Badass™ materials and like 75% of men's rings are those... I've been trying to gently steer him toward something more subtle like a cool texture or a squared-off shape. He seems receptive for the most part but he also can tell what I'm doing lol. I'm considering buying him a cheap version of one of the giant pointy ones so he can put it on for 5 seconds and realize how horrible it is to actually wear lmao

So we've been trying to figure out our wedding rings, and I have been so incredibly disappointed to discover that he has absolutely *heinous* taste in jewelry. How the fuck am I supposed to explain to this man that a massive asymmetric industrial statement ring is not a good choice for a wedding band??? What can I even say that isn't already obvious???

@critter-exe I'm not clear on whether they *cannot* cut them off at all, or if it's just that they get shattered into pieces and obliterated when you do, but yeah that's kind of a dealbreaker on those I feel like. Because they do market them as "HARD AS DIAMOND, NEVER EVER GONNA BREAK" which like, okay, but also I can see how that's not actually a good thing in real life lol

I think he would wear a silicone band usually for safety, so it would mostly just be for special occasions, but picking an artsy statement ring for a wedding ring sort of cements that it's decidedly *not* something he's gonna wear often, which feels like not the point??? Idk, I did not expect this turn of events so I don't know what to do with it lmao

I did bring him a band to try, and he couldn't keep it on for more than an hour so that doesn't bode well lol (tbf it is a bit too big, but still - he is not even kind of accustomed to suffering for fashion lmao)

So we've been trying to figure out our wedding rings, and I have been so incredibly disappointed to discover that he has absolutely *heinous* taste in jewelry. How the fuck am I supposed to explain to this man that a massive asymmetric industrial statement ring is not a good choice for a wedding band??? What can I even say that isn't already obvious???

See, that's what I feel like makes sense. Like get a crazy steampunk-whatever-bullshit silicone ring, but the actual ring we're spending money on that you're gonna theoretically have the rest of your life should not look like a $16 Hot Topic ring, nor a $50k American Apparel bent-nail-but-made-of-platinum lmao

Like I guess at least the ones he's looking at aren't also stupidly expensive?? But I never in a million years thought I'd have to talk him into a *simpler* ring lmao like where tf did this come from?? I guess maybe he figures he won't be wearing it often anyway so why not make it fancy?? But he has literally never picked out anything else fancy ever???? He did get a leather jacket for Christmas so maybe that put worms in his brain lmfao

So we've been trying to figure out our wedding rings, and I have been so incredibly disappointed to discover that he has absolutely *heinous* taste in jewelry. How the fuck am I supposed to explain to this man that a massive asymmetric industrial statement ring is not a good choice for a wedding band??? What can I even say that isn't already obvious???

These are literally some of the ones he sent me 😭😭😭

Like you will have 👏 no 👏 skin 👏 left 👏 after wearing one of those for a week, my dude!!!! It seems like he's realizing the edge of the band I brought him to try (very thin D-shaped, so a lil sharp on the inner edge) is annoying, so hopefully that will inform his decisions lmao

Tbh I suspect it's partly because he's just ✨never ever looked at jewelry before✨ so he has no frame of reference on why people pick the things they do and how things wear in real life lmao

However, confession: I actually love that Megan Fox ring 🙈 I don't understand how MGK thinks it would hurt to take off though?? Like I don't see any fuckin thorns, this bitch just made that up lmaoooo (but I've been reading so much about how to set emeralds safely that it does give me big anxiety to think about wearing lol)

So we've been trying to figure out our wedding rings, and I have been so incredibly disappointed to discover that he has absolutely *heinous* taste in jewelry. How the fuck am I supposed to explain to this man that a massive asymmetric industrial statement ring is not a good choice for a wedding band??? What can I even say that isn't already obvious???

I love when he's struggling and I'm trying to help and I'm asking him what I can do (because I don't want to make things worse by guessing wrong) and he can't/won't tell me and so I guess and that makes it worse because I guessed wrong and then we're just both upset and then he falls asleep and once I'm alone I spiral and go to him for reassurance and he's suddenly so positive and sweet now that he's half-asleep and I still don't know how to help him next time this inevitably happens 🙃🙃🙃

It's literally a trap and I fall for it every time. Not an intentional one - he doesn't like it either - but a trap nonetheless. But I can't just not interact because then I'm still worrying about it the whole time I'm not interacting anyway, plus then it feels like I'm not being there for him. But he can't seem to do any kind of introspection without it just turning into self-loathing so he can never actually figure out an answer to give me when I ask how to help him!!!! And he already has a lot of guilt about hurting me and stressing me out with his problems, so trying to articulate that this pattern stresses me out just feels like I'm contributing to the problem!!!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!

(TW: medical emergency)

Oh, also, the raccoon had a horrible anaphylactic reaction over the weekend and we didn't have an EpiPen so we had to rush him to the emergency room while his throat was actively closing up and then he had to spend the night at the hospital, but the bright side is that I got to use my one and only life skill of Being Really Good in a Crisis™

Well, this evening he got a gift card for his birthday and voluntarily and happily used part of it to buy me Switch games, so I guess everything is good actually and love is real and life is worth living??

So the raccoon just left for a last-minute trip to see his mom (his uncle died - they weren't close but the uncle was an addict and had a lot of issues and his mom found out about it in a really shitty way - it's a long story) and he won't be coming back until Tuesday. I feel like a bit of an asshole being excited about something that results from someone dying, but honestly I'm very hype to have a few days to myself. It's so rare that he's gone and I'm home alone for even one night, let alone two!!! I probably will just end up doing the same shit I normally do anyway, just wearing silly clothes or makeup or something lmao, but I!!! love!!!!! my!!!!! alone!!!! time!!!!!!

And then during his drive there we had like a 3 hour conversation on the phone about what we want out of our life together and how we can move forward as a team and work together and help each other without just being horribly codependent, so yeah I think he just needs to get the fuck out of here more often lmao

So the raccoon just left for a last-minute trip to see his mom (his uncle died - they weren't close but the uncle was an addict and had a lot of issues and his mom found out about it in a really shitty way - it's a long story) and he won't be coming back until Tuesday. I feel like a bit of an asshole being excited about something that results from someone dying, but honestly I'm very hype to have a few days to myself. It's so rare that he's gone and I'm home alone for even one night, let alone two!!! I probably will just end up doing the same shit I normally do anyway, just wearing silly clothes or makeup or something lmao, but I!!! love!!!!! my!!!!! alone!!!! time!!!!!!

Also, told my therapist today that I suspect both me and the raccoon have some degree of autism in addition to our ADHD, and she nodded emphatically despite being, in her words, "not specialized enough in autism to feel comfortable diagnosing it," so idk what that says about me exactly but it's certainly something lmao

How the hell am I supposed to navigate being there to support him/for him to vent to without letting what he says completely distress me and ruin my mood?????

Like I don't ever want him to feel like he can't talk to me about whatever's bothering him, and it's honestly been a process for him to get comfortable opening up as much as he has. I want to be there to support him and not make him feel like he has to hide things or hold them in to protect me. I *want* to be there for him and help him.

But when he calls in the middle of the day and just tells me how much he hates his job and that he doesn't want to be there and doesn't know what to do about it, what am I supposed to say??? Just saying "I'm sorry :/" over and over again doesn't seem to help, and if I try to make suggestions of what he could do, or just to improve his situation in the meantime, he says he feels like I'm not hearing him!!!! WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO BE HEARING?????? WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY???????

And like, if me just being a sounding board was helpful, I would be willing to do that!!! But it doesn't seem like him venting to me actually makes anything better!!!! It just puts me in a fucking anxious paralysis WITH him!!!!!! But he doesn't really have anyone else to talk to about this shit, especially during the middle of the day, so I feel terrible about telling him not to talk to me because I don't want him to just shove it down and let it get worse!!!!

And I don't know how to communicate any of this to him without it coming across as dismissive and like I just don't want to hear it!!!!!!!!!! What the fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i was cuddling with my boyfriend last night when his shoulder started tensing up (like he was readjusting or gently pushing me off) and when i asked him if he was okay or needed me to move or something he went “no you’re fine, i was just imagining myself pulling a large rope. i didn’t even realize my shoulder was doing that lmao” then refused to elaborate and i have never been as attracted to him as i was in that moment.

(TW: depression/mental health stuff)

Trying to take care of myself, trying not to take on other people's emotional burdens, trying to protect my own mental state, trying not to be codependent... but holy fuck what are you supposed to do when the person you love tells you they can't remember the last time they felt joy or saw beauty in the world and that they're sorry you love them because all they do is bring you down

(TW trauma, flashbacks)

So he ended up coming home from work at lunchtime today because he was having a panic attack. He didn't let me know beforehand that he was leaving, on his way, etc., which would normally be fine and not really matter, EXCEPT:

I was still in bed on my phone when he got home, and I didn't hear him come in, so he surprise-opens our bedroom door in his work clothes and looks at me with a miserable look on his face. This is e x a c t l y the same circumstance - even down to our room and his work uniform looking the same - as two years ago when he came home early one day and told me he got fired. And that firing 1. happened during a time when we were both already fucking unbearably stressed, 2. kicked off one of the worst years of my life so far, financially, emotionally, etc. etc.

It was the closest I think I've ever come to a full-blown PTSD-flashback-style sobbing meltdown. I think the only thing that kept it from being one was that it took a minute for my brain to register what was happening because I automatically went into fawn mode trying to console him. Like I've def had similar-ish meltdowns before, but this is the first time I can remember where it's been such a cartoon deja vu trigger experience. It was honestly scary?? Like fortunately he kind of pulled it together enough to comfort me and help ground me a little, but man, it was real bad.

And the worst part is, it turned out he forgot to take his medicine today!!! Like that's literally what started all this!!!! And it obviously isn't something he did on purpose, but I'm fucking mad about it!!!!! How fucking senseless and stupid!!!!!!!!

Like I was planning to make today a self-care rest day after having such a busy weekend, like I *already knew* I was gonna be touchy and easily overwhelmed. And then the worst set of circumstances just ✨happened✨ to happen today!!! Fucking cool!!!! My brain is literally fried, like I've been having waves of crying and dissociation and dizziness all day. Fucking love that for me.

UPDATE 2: No word at all from her owner and no leads otherwise 🥲 Partner did finally get caught up on everything and he didn't immediately go "OMG WE HAVE TO TAKE HER" so that does take some of the pressure off tbh. This is probably one of those situations where I need to just say no and not pile on more stresses while I already have so much shit going on. But she's so sweet and so beautiful and apparently now she's gonna need a home and I just 😭😭😭😭😭

‼️MAYDAY MAYDAY‼️

Our friend has found a super sweet stray cat and the local animal control is closed with a distemper outbreak so she has nowhere to take her. Pending scanning her for a microchip, but if she doesn't have an owner I might have to take her???? This seems like a pretty bad time for us to impulsively adopt an animal but also the cat distribution system is in full force???? Partner is literally in an Important Work Meeting™ this afternoon so I can't call and talk to him about it but I feel like I have to take this cat at least to foster??? Everyone else in the friend group already has cats or dogs so we would objectively be the best people to hold onto her????? AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

Little sad rant ahead because it's been a really really fucking hard week!!!!

So partner is at the point where he's basically panicking and shutting down multiple times a week at his job. Some days are okay but it's getting more frequent that he calls me freaked out and crying and wanting to just walk out and quit. So obviously that's fucking terrifying and sends me into panicked emotional tailspins pretty much every time. Like, it's very bad. And I'm doing everything I can to support him but obviously I can't do anything material about it so I feel incredibly helpless and it's just awful and stressful and I feel sick all the time.

I did help him get his resume updated, and he's applied for a handful of jobs and has an in-person interview this Monday. It's for a job that he's very (pretty much perfectly) qualified for and is similar to the one he has now in terms of job duties, but the specifics are stuff he's more interested in and it's a smaller plant, which I think would be good. I think he could absolutely do the job, and it would be a significant pay raise. But I'm very afraid that 1. he won't get offered it or it won't work out for some other reason and that will send him into a total meltdown, or 2. he'll take it and then just burn out again 6 months later and we'll have to do this whole motherfucking thing again.

And as much as it would be wonderful in some ways for this job to work out, the whole idea of moving fucking ✨terrifies✨ me!!! Especially moving to a whole different state!!!! We have friends here, doctors and therapists here, it's familiar, I know where I am, etc. etc. and the prospect of starting all that over is terrifying!!!! At least when I moved here I knew a couple people!!!!!

And there are so many potential good things about this job. I'd be within driving distance of my best friend and also my parents, we'd be in a lower cost of living area, it's a state that my therapist is also licensed in so I could probably keep seeing her remotely, it's a smaller city (but near a big city), it would get him out of this job he hates, and it pays better. But I'm so scared I can barely be hopeful about it. I've been trying to be optimistic and not panic about shit down the road yet, but it almost feels like I'm lying??? Or faking??? Or something????? Like I know being anxious doesn't solve anything but idk what else to do????

Well he got the job offer and is excited about it and thinks he's gonna take it!!!!!! And he's excited so I'm excited about that!!!! But he's probably gonna start in like a month!!!! And I'm so terrified of change!!!!! Aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!

Partner is reading ASOIAF and just started ADWD, and I guess somehow it came up in therapy and he mentioned being glad to be done with AFFC because he hates Cersei and was getting so sick of her bullshit. Well apparently his therapist has only watched the show (partner has not) and started DEFENDING CERSEI LANNISTER because the hackfrauds Benioff and Weiss made her into a put-upon victim of institutional misogyny who just loves her children and her brother and could never do anything wrong 🥺🥺🥺 And I'm just making evil Grinch face because I think he's starting to understand why I've been pissed off about the show for like 9 years lmaooooo

Well he unofficially told his boss he's leaving, and he's gonna sign the offer today or tomorrow. His boss was super cool about it and is gonna try to figure out how to give him as much of his PTO as possible before he leaves. He talked to the new place and confirmed some stuff and he'll be starting at the end of this month. Our lease here is up in mid-September but we have to give 60 days notice anyway so we have it until then. So hopefully we can find something good there and not be too rushed to move. He can stay at his grandma's while he works for a bit until we find a place.

This is all such good news and should be a very huge relief but my brain is just so numb rn. Like it's all so much too much that it doesn't feel real. There is a part somewhere in there that's excited for a new beginning and a change and (hopefully) a better situation for both of us, so that's good. But then I think of *yet another* stressful thing I have to do beforehand, or something sad about leaving, and it's like being slapped like 100 times a day??

Idk, I have therapy in like an hour so hopefully that helps. And I haven't seen her since before his interview, so we'll have plenty to talk about lmaooooo