Running For The Hills As We Speak - Tumblr Posts
The tension!!!!
Addicting Taste Chapter 7
Synopsis: Enishi Yukishiro was on a mission to execute his piece de la resistance. A plan to avenge his beloved sister. Until you showed up. Will you be a part of his downfall or will you try to save him?
Pairing: Enishi Yukishiro x reader
Genre: strangers to lovers, sunshine and sunshine protector, comedic relief, angst, slow burn, some fluff
Word count: 11.4k+
A/N: This chapter is probably the bane of my existence. All I'm going to say is that it's one of my favorites and I am so proud of it. I hope Enishi figures his feelings out sooner or later. Hope you like it. Enjoy lovelies, Paula.
Now Playing: run for the hills by Tate McRae
Previous
Anger, fear and pain.
That was all you could feel as you laid on the floor in front of your bed. They had a boxing match in your head, throwing different thoughts into the middle of the ring to see which one had the most impact and could come up on top to win.
The anger argued that you had every right to go back in the basement and rip the man's head off. To pull out his guts with your bare hands as he would watch in horror. But that was Barairo talking. That wasn't you. She yelled at you to let her out the minute you laid your hands on his collar to show him just as psychopathic you could get. You tried to keep her away as much as you could but the second your eyes laid on your mom's necklace around his neck you wanted to throw the door to her prison cell open wide and let her devour everything in her sight.
And you almost did. If it wasn't for Enishi's hand latching around your hand to ground you and bring back to earth. Your eyes found his, pleading for destruction only to get refused by a wary shake of his head. You suddenly felt self-conscious as you registered that all the eyes in the room were directed at you with a mix of confusion and pity, the feeling you hated the most in the world because that was the only thing present in people's eyes every time they looked at you. Whether it was begging for food on the street or fighting in the rings, it was always there, reminding you that you had no safe place to call yours in the world anymore. That everything you knew was gone and you only had yourself to blame.
The fear insisted that it was all because you couldn't do more to prevent any of this happening. Your parents disappearing. The massacre written in the walls of the place you called home. Not being able to finish the job when you had the chance at your feet. All because you were scared and weak. You couldn't fight for them just like you couldn't fight for yourself back there on the hill when Enishi had to step in and save you. Or back at the casino where you almost got injured fatally because you couldn't pay attention to the world around you.
You tried to put on your bravest front when you trained with him, masking all of that fear even when you felt insecure about your lack of skills. You tried your hardest in training, but whenever you went one step forwards, you would fall four steps behind when it came to the real thing. It was the fear that made you run away, trying to hide yourself away in hopes no one could find you. Even if it meant hiding yourself in the depths of your soul.
In the end, the pain was the only one that could win the fight. It was the only thing you felt as you laid on the cold wooden floors staring at the ceiling day and night, clasping your mother's necklace close to your chest. Time stopped for you in that basement. The hands on the clock ceased their ticking as you drowned the sound out with your cries or your fits of rage directed at things in the room. that would end up all over the floor. The jungle of thoughts in your head was making you lose yourself and the only thing keeping you from spiralling was the hope that you would hear something about your mom.
I need you, mom. I don't know what to do without you. Please come back to me. Please tell me what to do to find you.
You couldn't sleep, couldn't eat, couldn't train. You couldn't function at all. These thoughts seemed to be the only ones keeping you sane enough in the confines of your room.
The only times you did leave your room was to knock on Enishi's office door to ask if he had any new information about your mother, be it any small speck of a lead on her whereabouts, her state or if your father was alive too. But the answer was the same each time.
He won't talk.
Enishi hated the way you looked more broken each time you came by. He tried to get you out of your room. He would bring you food and leave it outside of your door at lunch only to find it still there by dinner. He tried to get you to train but you refused to even hear it. The light in your eyes dimmed the more you stayed locked in your room and he was running out of ideas to get the you he knew back.
He tried to make that son of a bitch talk but he just wouldn't budge, no matter what torture techniques he tried with him. He wanted to have something to give you whenever you came around to keep you with him longer but every time he tried changing the subject you would run away back to your room.
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After two days of moping around in your room you finally decided to start training again. You needed to get better if you wanted to find your parents any time soon and strengthening your skills was the starting point.
Enishi saw your determination as you pulled him out of his office to train with you at random hours of the day or night. But he also saw that you were pushing yourself way too much. You wanted to get better but he wouldn't sit there and watch you hurt yourself like that willingly. So, whenever he refused training with you it was for the sake that you would take a break yourself. But you kept going. Whether it was raining or it was too cold to be outside you were there practicing with the sword until you got it right.
Last night it was raining heavily, the garden grounds turning to sloshy mud. But the storm inside of your heart was louder and more menacing than any rain mother nature could bring. Your clothes were soaked and stuck to you uncomfortably, hair wet like you just took a bath. With a solid grip on your sword you practiced thrusting until that one attack came out perfectly. You did it over and over, until the mud around you made it harder to continue.
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Waking up this morning was pure agony. You got a few hours of sleep from exhausting yourself enough to feel like you could fall asleep peacefully. It felt like the room was caving in on you and all you wanted to do was beg whatever force put you on this earth to take you back and leave you there if it meant that the throbbing in your body could stop, even for a little while. But you had to get up and go back to training because Enishi finally agreed to train with you again. It took a lot of convincing to get back to it together so you couldn't kick it away just because you didn't feel 100%.
The duvet around you was doing little to keep the warmth in as the room felt way too cold for your liking. You got out of bed with a groan, all of your muscles aching as you trudged to the bathroom with slow steps. Stopping in front of the mirror you took a look at yourself. If this was a zombie movie you would have gotten the lead role. The dark circles around your eyes looked like a raccoon's, a dark contrast to the paleness of your face. It scared you to look at yourself and the hollowness that consumed the light in your eyes.
You shook your head and turned on the tap, slapping some cold water on your face to make yourself look more alive. Your cheeks were weirdly warm under your cold palms but you brushed it off to be due to the sudden temperature change in the weather. With a bit of a struggle you managed to change out of your clothes and stepped outside of your messy room, making a mental note to clean it up after training.
You thought of stopping by the kitchen to put something in your system but you decided against it as you didn't really have an appetite. You drank some water but the liquid seemed to do more damage than aid your dry throat. Placing down the half drank glass of water in the sink you headed towards the garden. Opening the doors, you felt your lungs struggling to breathe in the chilly air.
Enishi was already there swinging around his sword to warm up. Sensing your presence behind him he turned around to you and scanned you quickly. He hasn't seen you in days and he could tell that something felt off about you today. Your shoulders were slumped over like you were in pain. Your eyes looked sunken in, worse than they were the last time he saw you. Not to mention that your normally rosy cheeks looked awfully pale for you to be anywhere near okay. Even your steps seemed slower. They weren't like your usual anxiety soaked steps whenever you came to train, but they were different. He wanted to ask you if you were doing okay but you beat him to it and changed the subject.
“Let’s-“ you started talking but your scratchy voice stopped you. Clearing your throat you tried that again trying to sound more convincing so you wouldn't raise any suspicions about your state.
“Let’s get this over with,” you said as you put on a fake smile. He took one more look at you and shook his head, moving to his place. He thought you would tell him if something was wrong but seeing as you were so hellbent on training he didn't prod any further.
He knew you practiced one move the most these days. A slash across the diagonal, good in any close combat. He wanted to see how you would use it against an opponent so you started sparring. He came at you slow at first to ease you back into training with another person. But the more you sparred he saw you were back to dodging his moves instead of attacking him. It confused him that you kept stepping back every time he came closer.
“You’re supposed to attack,” he said as a matter of fact.
“I know. I’m just trying to figure out a scheme of attack,” you lied.
You could barely keep yourself upright, legs feeling like lead every time you took a step. Dodging his hits took less energy than attacking him, but it still made you sweat more than you normally do during training. A fever was taking a hold of you and that was bad news. You didn’t know how much longer you could hide your predicament before he would take notice and bench you for an undetermined period and you didn't want that. But the sparring got to a point where it was way too intense, the cold air around you changing to an unbearable heatwave. Enishi continued to charge at you and you barely caught most of his hits. You felt like you were going to pass out if you didn't take a break.
One misplaced balance of your sword and Enishi was quick to notice something was wrong from the way you faltered when he swung from a closer distance. You took longer to lift the blade and tired out too easily when blocking his own. So he stepped back from you and put down his sword. You stopped and looked at him confused, hoping your body didn't give away too much about how shitty you were feeling. Straightening your back to look more stable than you felt inside at the moment, you tried to get your rapid breaths under control.
“Why are we stopping?” you panted.
Getting air in was a pain as less and less usable air travelled inside of your chest.
“You don’t feel well do you?” he asked, fixing you with his eyes in case you decided to lie to his face.
“I’m fine,” you said through gritted teeth. “I just want to get this move perfectly.”
He tilted his head at you looking for any signs you were lying and was surprised that he couldn't find any because it did seem like you were. He got pretty good at reading you in the month you already spent together and knew when to call it quits in annoying you or when you were overthinking. But right now it was hard to figure out what was going on in that head of yours. Your body looked ready to give out but your eyes were piercing through him telling him you were just too focused. He seemed to buy your doughnuts for now but he still looked a little worried.
“Are you sure you don’t want to take a break?”
“I’m sure.”
You looked too determined and he failed to see through that.
You resumed training, more forceful attacks coming your way. Enishi got too lost in thought to see that he was delivering blows a little too hard, like always. It was one of the things you liked about him the most: how focused he was on training. He would get really engrossed in it even if was just practice and usually you would be able to sense his attacks. But right now your senses were in overload.
You tried to hit back but the most you mustered was a slash that almost accidentally cut into his arm if it wasn't for his quick thinking to duck out of the way. He moved around you looking for your uncovered areas and you tried your hardest to spot him, breaths coming out heavier as you whirled around. Your swords clashed again and you almost had him when all of a sudden he went for a side cut from your left with his sword. You barely defended the hit by pushing your blade to catch his, the quickness of the move sending your vision spinning.
The exhaustion, the heat and the sweat clinging to your body overwhelmed you. You tried to push his sword once more before you leaned your weight on your sword for support, dark spots appearing in your clouded vision. You didn't even notice you were careening to the right until your blade screeched as it slid down the length of his all the way down to the hilt. Before you could hit the ground you heard the blades clang to the floor as strong arms secured around you to keep you upright. Your ears felt like they were stuffed with cotton unable to register that Enishi was frantically calling your name. A cold hand touching your cheek offered some relief from the warmth boiling your body. Your head fell on his shoulder and you looked up at him, eyes focusing enough to see the worry on his face. You could see his lips moving but none of the words made any sense until they finally made their way to your ears.
“I knew something was off,” he said looking down at you with a glint of guilt in his eyes.
“I’m fine,” you grunted regretting even speaking as it turned the mild headache you had into a drilling migraine. Your hand moved to hold your head as the pain only got worse.
"You're anything but fine right now."
The tone in his voice told you he was angry with you, probably for lying to his face that you were fine when you definitely weren't. And for continuing to train when he always told you that training without being in the mindset or the health for it was bad for you. But you refused to listen and look where that got you now.
"You're so fucking stubborn."
In a swift move, Enishi hooked one arm under your legs and secured the other around your back lifting you up to carry you back inside. He figured that staying outside in the cold would do you more worse than good. You wanted to protest but you didn't want to argue with him about your idiotic life choices right now, so you snuggled your head closer to the crook of his neck. that provided you some warmth as your body was now racked by chills. You felt like dozing off from the comfort of your temporary pillow until you felt the vibrations of his voice against your temple.
“Hey, stay awake. We’ve got to get your fever down a little before you sleep.”
You tried your hardest to keep your eyes open but the way he carried you lulled you to sleep and made you a little nauseous at the same time.
“Miyu, open your eyes,” he said sternly, picking up his pace.
“It makes me dizzy,” you croaked out annoyed at him.
“Then keep talking to me. Say anything, just don’t shut down just yet,” he asked you, concern too present in his voice for you not to notice it.
Why was he so worried? It wasn't like you would drop dead if you closed your eyes for a minute.
You tried to think of what to say that would be more than just rambling random words and you came empty-handed. That was until you looked up at him and you saw those crystal balls glistening in the dark hallway. His eyes.
“I like your eyes,” you said and he seemed to get a little taken aback by your confession as his steps slowed down.
Truthfully, it was something you didn’t want to tell him just yet. It was like your own little secret. You weren't one to fancy prolonged eye-contact with anyone or look people in the eye when they spoke. But you found yourself looking for his almost all the time. You admired the way they twinkled with every emotion he was feeling. Most of the time they blazed with anger at the world, consuming everything in their wake. But there were a few times where they twinkled with joy, whenever he talked about his sister or when he was spending time with you. There was something oddly comforting about them and they always put you at ease. Swallowing your pride for once you admitted to this secret out loud.
“What do you like about my eyes?” he asked, uncertainty behind his question.
If only you knew. I could write books and it still wouldn't be enough to describe what they make me feel.
“They’re dark and so full of pain. But they hold so much warmth in them. You don’t want to admit it but you’re not just a big bad mafia boss killing people for a living. You’re more than that, to me at least,” you said the last part in a mumble hoping he wouldn't hear it but he did, tensing slightly and halting his steps.
He looked down at your shivering form tucked safely in his arms. He had so much to say to you but he settled for a quick kiss on your burning forehead for the time being. It was the smallest peck, so soft you could have missed it if you didn't have your eyes open. It was his way of acknowledging the things you said and that you will talk more about it when it was time. But for now taking care of you was a priority.
In your dazed state you noticed he went past your room and he saw the confusion on your face.
"You're staying in my room for a while so I can make sure you're going to get better," he said as he pushed the doors to his room open, the warmth of his room surrounding your body. You whined in protest when he headed for the bathroom knowing exactly what he was thinking. You felt anything but ready for a shower right now.
He stepped inside and placed you on the floor an arm still around you in case you slid down to the floor. He turned on the water and let it get warm as he turned his attention back to you. You were gripping his tank top in a frenzy trying to hold yourself up against the bouts of nausea. He kept a hand around you to let you know he wasn't going anywhere and that you were safe in case anything happened.
"I know you don't want to take one right now," he said as he moved some hair away from your face. "But if you sleep this sweaty, you're just going to get worse."
You shook your head in his chest childishly but you knew there was no way to get out of it now. He wouldn't leave it alone until he saw you healthy enough to annoy again and you just had to accept his perusing.
"Just hold onto me and I'll do the rest, okay?"
Giving in to his pleas as he rubbed your back comfortingly, you nodded weakly. You hated how easily he got under your skin and knew everything that made you click in such a short time. Back rubbing was one of the things you loved and he always did it when he needed you to accept something that was for your own good.
He helped you undress discarding your sweat clad clothes to the floor. Once he took his own off too he helped you step into the shower. The warm water hit your body and the comfort made your knees weak. You remembered you haven't had a shower since your last one that was with him too, after your bathtub adventure before the mission. He still didn't replace the broken water tap and you had a feeling it was because he wanted you to shower in his room willingly without him whisking you away for other adventures. It was sneaky but you gave him credit for it being a smooth move to get closer to you.
He stepped in with you and checked to see if you were okay or ready to drop still.
"Let me know if it gets too much and I'll get you to bed, okay?"
You nodded and wrapped your arms around his torso with the little energy you had left. Your head laid flat to his chest where you could hear his heartbeat that seemed to be accelerating beyond a normal speed. He must have been panicking a little and you felt bad for putting him through all this trouble. You wanted to push him away and tell him to let you deal with the mess you caused yourself. He didn't need to take care of you like this, especially after you shut him out. You didn't think of his feelings at all and it made you feel even more guilty than you already did for everything else going wrong in your life.
But there he was, holding you close to him so gentle like you were made out of glass. He washed your hair, massaging your scalp softly to get rid of all the dirt that gathered there from your days spent training outside. It felt like he got rid of some of the dirt in your soul too. As cold as he was, he was the also the warmth you needed. You knew he cared even if he didn't show it a lot.
He tried to hurry, moving to wash the rest of your body as you looked ready to lay down on the floor of the shower cabin and just sleep there like it was a premium bed. He kept asking you things to keep you awake and talking even if all he received from you was a blabbering mess of mumbles.
Once you were cleaner than you have been before in your life, he turned off the water and wrapped you in a bathrobe. Leading you to the counter near the sink, he placed you on top of it while he dashed to his room to bring you some clothes. The warmth of the shower water was replaced by the cold marble surface that made your shivers return even worse than before, coming with a new wave of nausea. He started dressing you and you put your head on his shoulder, managing to only pull a blouse on you before he noticed the way you gripped his own that he threw on harshly before he came to you.
"What's wrong?"
You had your eyes shut tight trying to swallow whatever tried crawling up your sore throat.
"Miyu, look at me."
"I feel like I'm going to throw up-" you didn't even get to finish as the bile rose in your throat. You hopped off the counter and leaned over the toilet bowl emptying whatever your stomach gathered up. Enishi knelt down beside you a hand grabbing the hair out of your face while the other rubbed your back.
"What are you even throwing up? You haven't eaten anything in the past few days."
"My hopes and dreams."
He would have laughed at that if it wasn't for your head hanging above the toilet bowl. It amazed him how you still tried to ease the seriousness of the situation in your state.
When you were done you wiped your mouth on a spare towel and threw it in the corner, falling back into his chest. The shivers intensified as your whole body was now consumed by cold from all sides, the only source of warmth being the man beside you. He pulled you up from the floor, careful not to make you more woozy and took you to bed.
He placed you down on the mattress and tried to dry a bit of your hair and then let you lay down. You grabbed one of the blankets he put on the bed, wrapping your body like a burrito, while he covered you with the duvet. He had more blankets prepared in case you needed them and you made a mental note to thank him for the extra thought. The extra thoughts coming from him lately warmed you up inside because they were like little notes telling you he was there and ready to help with anything and you couldn't tell where all this care was coming from in the first place.
He got in bed next to you sitting against the headboard and you cuddled into his side, seeking his warmth. Your body couldn't produce enough heat even after the hottest shower you ever took and the fact that you were wrapped tightly in bundles. He shifted closer to you and carded a hand through your hair, which soothed your migraine.
"Do you need me to get you anything?"
You shook your head and grabbed onto his other hand pulling it on top of your stomach. He laced his fingers with yours. All you wanted was to have him next to you right now.
"I just need you here."
The last few days were hell to bear alone and it took ruining your health to notice that accepting help wasn't all that bad. Enishi was ready to help you no matter what you needed and you didn't know how to thank him. The way he cared for you was something akin to the care your parents gave you. As scary as it was to let yourself feel it you couldn't help but welcome it. Maybe a part of your chills didn't come from the cold but from the way he was acting towards you.
Emotions swirled around your head and everything suddenly felt too overwhelming. The muscles aching, the migraine, the pain that was numb for now but promised to return soon. You tried to hold the tears at bay but you couldn't. So you let them out unable to keep things bottled in anymore.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked as he cupped your face.
You tried to say something but all that came out was air through choked sobs.
"Miyu, what hurts? Talk to me."
"Everything," you cried out as you hid your face in his side.
You wanted to tell him every thing that hurt from the biggest to the smallest thing but you couldn't do more than tighten your grip around him. He moved to hug you, pulling you on top of his chest.
"I'm here. I've got you now," he whispered as he rubbed your back. "You're going to be okay."
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His heart stopped when he saw your eyes roll to the back of your head back there. He tried to keep the worry away but he couldn't help panicking a little when the familiarity of the scene hit him way too hard. A fraction of a vivid memory took him back to the day he lost his sister, a day he couldn't forget no matter how hard he tried.
The snow blanket that was forming around the woods made him smile. It wasn't long until he got back to the house and he could play in the snow with Tomoe. The recent times he went over to her place ended up in arguments and unwanted words thrown at each other all because he didn't want to accept that man for her. He was walking trouble in his eyes and Tomoe could yell at him all she wanted but it wouldn't change the disdain he felt for him. He hoped they could make up this time around and just forget about everything else.
Last time it snowed this much they made the biggest snowman. They placed him in front of the house and called him the guardian, decorating his face in an angry manner. His mouth was an intimidating sneer made from a few stones that matched the small twig eyebrows above his eyes. Tomoe forgot to pick up carrots but she used a sweet potato for his nose. It looked absolutely horrendous but it was their source of entertainment until the cold winter passed and the snowman melted with the coming of spring.
He went into town and picked up more sweet potatoes so she could boil some too. He almost made it to the house but stopped once he heard grunts nearby, followed by his sister's voice so he followed the sound, pushing away frozen tree branches until he reached the scene. His heart stopped at the sight.
Tomoe was holding tightly onto a man to protect him from the man he called trouble. The one she fell for, pushing her only family in the process. He slashed his sword across her back without a glint of regret in his eyes, crimson blood staining the white snow as she fell to the floor. He had the audacity to cradle her close to his body as he watched the light drain from her eyes.
He wanted to run to her and be the one holding her instead. He deserved to be the last one she saw before her eyes were consumed by darkness. But the fear kept him glued to the tree a few feet away, unable to move or do anything else but cry and blame himself that he couldn't do more.
He hoped he would never experience that feeling again but here he was, cradling you to his body like the world tried its hardest to take you away. Your cold scared him not because you looked the worst he'd ever seen you but because of how much pain you went through to get you in this state. He wasn't a fool. He knew this was the result of you closing yourself away from him and everyone else to process everything. You were living his worst nightmares all on your own and it made him want to burn the world. He knew he couldn't take your pain away and feel it for you even if he wished to.
He wanted you to talk to him. Tell him everything that hurt and ask him to fix it for you. Tell him that you needed him to hold the sky off your shoulders for a minute and he would hold it for as long as he could. But he couldn't push you. He knew better that help was best when it was accepted rather than forced. He just hoped you would ask for it and lean on him like you let him lean on you that rainy night in the garden. If you didn't find him in time he might have lost it completely and there would be no coming back from that.
He checked your temperature hourly, hand laid across your forehead hopeful that you would get better. Whenever it went up you would toss and turn around in your sleep, waking up abruptly to search for him in the dark. He tried to reassure you that everything was okay and that you had nothing to worry about as he went back to being your human pillow. Every time it happened you found his hand and held it close to your chest in a death grip until your hold would loosen telling him you fell back asleep.
The day turned into night and he didn't move an inch from his spot beside you. He just wanted to watch over you and keep you safe and warm, occasionally dozing off with you in his arms.
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You woke up to the smell of food. Sighing contently you opened your eyes and sat up slowly just as Enishi entered the room, a bowl and a mug of tea balanced carefully in his hold. He smiled seeing you awake.
"How did you sleep?" he asked as he placed everything on the nightstand to sit next to you.
"A little better. Is that for me?"
"Yes. It's porridge and some tea."
Porridge was the bane of your existence. As much as you knew it was what your body needed to get better you hated it with a burning passion. Your mother made it whenever you got sick and you always tried to convince the maids into eating it for you on the promise that you will stop being a trouble for them for at most a month. But they would always rat you out to your parents and you would get scolded for it.
"I want real food," you mumbled disappointedly. You puffed your cheeks and made puppy eyes at him to let you off this time but by the stern look on his face he wasn't buying your doughnuts anymore.
"You're getting real food when we're sure you can keep it down. For now it's this," he placed the bowl in your hands and waited for you to try it.
You took a spoonful and put it in your mouth only to grimace at the taste. This was anything but porridge.
"What the hell is this?"
"Hey, now. I know I'm not the greatest cook but you have to eat that whole bowl if you want real food."
He knew he botched the recipe but as bad as it tasted you needed the nutrients. You didn't eat anything in days and giving you a whole meal wasn't a good choice. He really didn't want to watch a rerun of your hopes and dreams spilling out through your guts again.
You sighed and ate a few more spoons until your stomach said it was enough and you handed him the bowl. He gave you the tea and you took a sip smiling at the taste as it was your favorite. At least he knew how to sweeten you. You placed it back on the nightstand and leaned back in bed.
"I have some stuff to work on in my office. If you need anything please call me. As big or small as it may seem."
He was coddling way you too much and it wasn't in his nature. You felt bad for keeping him away from his work. But he reassured you time and time again that it was okay to lean on him. Even if what went through your head wasn't a big deal. It came from a place of understanding and as much as he tried to hide it you could tell he went through the same thing.
You tried sleeping but every position you changed to seemed more uncomfortable than the previous. Each time you did fall asleep the thoughts that left you in pain for days on end would creep back into your mind and you would wake up looking for him. Deciding that enough was enough you decided to pay him a visit. Wrapping one of his chunkier kimonos around you, you stepped out of the comfort of the bed and went to his office. He sighed when he saw you come in like a lost puppy looking for its owner.
"You're supposed to be in bed."
"I was getting bored in there," you said as you walked to his couch and plopped yourself on it getting comfortable.
"Well, you're not going to find much fun here either."
You didn't really need any entertainment. You just didn't want to be alone and if you just sat there with him whilst he worked it was enough for you.
After a while, you dozed off on the couch to the sound of him scribbling away on paper. He heard your light snores and looked up from his maps to see you fast asleep, head nuzzled into the plush of the couch backrest with your knees pulled up to your chest. He smiled and shook his head at you walking to to your spot, He only now noticed that you were wrapped tightly in his kimono. It was a dark blue one he really liked because it was comfortable to wear. He thought you suited warmer colours until now when he saw you in blue. The material was big enough to be a blanket on your small form, falling over you so effortlessly. As if his aura rubbed off on you in a way that welcomed it rather than pushing it away like the other people he tried getting close to before. He knelt beside the couch and pulled it up to cover your exposed shoulder.
"You're so stubborn," he whispered.
He slid his arms behind your back and your legs and lifted you up to take you back to the warmth of his bed.
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The days passed by in a blur. You spent most of the time sleeping or annoying Enishi because he wouldn't let you do anything else. He benched you from cooking or training and it drove you insane.
It took about a week until he let you train again in a way that wasn't straining for you. Little by little you got your strength back and it showed in your sparring sessions. You could handle yourself better and it was all thanks to him and his incessant nagging telling you to rest and take it easy. As annoying as it was you had to accept his way of nursing you back to health.
You had a lot of time to think about everything, thoughts ranging from finding your mother to figuring out Enishi. His presence affected you in a multitude of ways lately. You contemplated his actions, his touches, his words. Every gesture he made towards you that you couldn't understand the reason of. It went beyond the sex drive you felt mutually and the thoughtless words said in the act.
It all started the night of the casino mission. You tried shaking off his words, convincing yourself it was just the lust talking for him and that it was the same in your case. But when you told him 'I need you' you said it with your whole being. And it seemed to change everything.
You started questioning if he felt the same things you did. If the hands carding through your hair or the late night conversations in the dark meant anything to him, because they meant everything to you. If they did, he was making a great job at hiding that because you spent the whole week analysing every single thing that happened to the both of you until you wanted to literally take a bite out of the wall.
As blind to the obvious as you were sometimes, you thought you could pinpoint where his feelings stood, but you often got side-tracked by the butterflies forming in your stomach while you watched him cook for you or tell you new facts about the swords you were training with. He did everything to turn you away from thinking too much and it felt like an avoidance tactic. You needed to talk about a lot of things sooner or later and you hoped it would be the first.
The next mission was nearing up and you shoved all of these thoughts under the rug for the time being. You needed to focus because it involved your mother. The man in the basement finally chirped after going days without basic necessities like food and sunlight. He gave Enishi a lead on your mother's whereabouts, restoring a little hope in your broken soul.
She was apparently working as a maid for a mafia he had ties with. They were throwing a ball to celebrate the birthday of their leader and she was going to be there. You took the information with a grain of salt because it seemed like it was too good to be true. You thought of the possibility that he just tried to lead you further away from finding her. But Enishi made everyone dig around and they found that the ball was truthfully being held tonight.
Enishi told you to stay put, insisting that it was only him who would go with the rest of the gang. You tried to convince him to let you come but he refused to hear it. So, like any kid getting told not to do something, you went and did the exact opposite, just getting dressed to kill.
You finished strapping your pistols to your thighs under the dress and looked in the mirror, smiling softly at the person starring back at you. She was so different from the person who came here a little over a month ago. She was so scared of herself, unable to let go of her past. But now she looked so confident in her own skin and so much more powerful. She was so much healthier too and back to herself that it made you proud. You blew a kiss to yourself in the mirror and winked at how pretty you looked. Confidence looked hella good on you.
Enishi told you about the mission a few days ago and you thought of every possible way to not let him leave in that carriage without you. It took a little prodding and the promise of a month full of desserts for the whole gang but you managed to coax Wu into keeping Enishi here as long as you needed to get ready.
Enishi was pacing around, mid-argument with his second in command as to why he wasn't moving the carriages. Wu just shook his head and kept his mouth sealed shut as part of your deal. Enishi stopped yelling once he heard the click of an all too familiar pair of heels and cursed himself for being so blind. He should have seen it coming from the way you gave in so easily and stopped trying to convince him to let you come.
Turning around to scold you his breath got stuck in his throat. You looked breathtaking. Your hair was down to the side, locks falling in wavy curls over your shoulders. You were wearing the red qipao dress he bought for you at the market even if you hated his guts for buying it for you. But the dress seemed to have some major adjustments that altered it a lot from the original.
The constricting part at the top was turned into an off-the-shoulder neckline and the small slit on the side run up higher almost to your hip. The bottom was full of flares from the same material in a darker burgundy. The sleeves were now made into gloves that ran all the way up to your elbows, fabric at the end looking like scraps from the corset you wore the night of the casino mission. Your mother's necklace sat around your neck, red stone bringing out your eyes.
"Close your mouth, dearest. A fly might fly in."
You were satisfied by his reaction that if fuelled your confidence beyond the normal levels.
"Is that what I think it is? Miyu?"
You followed his eyes and noticed he was staring at the very familiar golden material running around the bottom that you used to amplify the dragon embellished on the slit by adding a few pieces of material to the red flares.
"You said I could borrow anything from your closet," you scoffed.
"I said borrow, not cut up to pieces."
"Oh, come on. It looks less like a wedding dress now, doesn't it?"
You batted your eyelashes at him and he huffed an annoyed sigh. Letting Wu help you into the carriage you got comfortable and smiled back at him. You knew you were in deep shit for countless reasons, but the biggest being that you cut up the really expensive golden kimono in his wardrobe. It was gathering dust in there anyways. At least you put it to good use.
"Shall we go?"
As angry as he was at you he was glad to see that mischief smile back on your face. He was going to let you off. For now.
"You will be the death of me one day, Miyu Hikari," he grunted before he sauntered in the carriage next to you.
He let his eyes linger on you for a few more moments. He couldn't help but admire the alterations to the dress and how skillfully they were done. It was clear as daylight you were a Hikari. You had craftsmanship running in your blood as much as you didn't want to admit it.
"When did you even modify the dress?"
"I think you forgot that you had me on house arrest for like a week," you said playing with one of the ruffles on your dress.
"It wasn't house arrest."
"It was."
"It wasn't."
"Twas," you sung.
"Twasn't," he followed suit.
The both of you erupted into a fit of giggles. It was your turn to let your eyes wander over his outfit, unable to get enough of it from just one look.
"You know, you don't look too bad yourself."
"I let Wu style me. Don't know if that was a mistake or not considering he wears furs like he's the madame of the house."
"He did a good job."
Wu had an eye for fashion and you had to give him that because when you stepped out of the mansion you thought you were hallucinating. You only saw a broad back clad in what looked like a western suit. You recalled him saying he would never be caught dead in something like that. Thank god you didn't miss the show.
The wind was knocked out of you when he turned around and you got a full view of the outfit. He wore a full tailored black suit. The vest sat on top of a white shirt, hugging his body like it was made on order. It was the sluttiest thing a man could wear. A silver chain ran from the vest to the blazer, matching the silver earring in his ear. Thoughts that weren't exactly pristine passed through your mind and it took a huge amount of rationality to not act them out.
The thing that shocked you the most was that he wore a fucking tie. You knew he hated that tie by the way he fidgeted with it to loosen it around his neck. He most likely contemplated arson from the way he looked at Wu. But he definitely looked the mafia boss part now and it made your knees weak.
"Why didn't you stay back like I told you?"
"I think it's fair to say you already know I don't listen to orders. And this is about my mom," you fidgeted with the piece of fabric in your hand. "I've spent so many years searching for any trace of them and I can't just sit back when we might know where at least one of my parents is."
He put his hand over yours and pulled it to his leg, rubbing comforting circles on your knuckles to ease your nervousness. He was doing it again. Getting you out of your mind to focus back to the present.
"I know. I just didn't want you to come in case it was a false lead."
"Even if it is we will check it out together."
The carriage came to a halt. You heard excited chatter and music which meant you arrived at the venue for the ball.
"You ready?"
"Always."
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The place was nothing like you've ever seen before. You've seen mansions that looked like castles before, when you used to work the paid assassin gig for the rich and powerful, but none of them came close to this one. The sculpted fountains outside should have been enough of a giveaway that this place was scalded in gold and money that was murdered and stolen for. No human being should be able to have this much wealth especially when it wasn't theirs to keep.
The event was on an invitation basis and you were surprised to see Enishi pull out one with your names on it handing it to the men standing guard at the doors. Once they gave you the okay they opened the doors to let you in and closed them back up. You walked in and realised you were on the first floor of the building. Walking further away from the horde of people around the entrance, you scouted the place. The architecture was really European, column walls lined on every side supporting the building. The artwork on the walls was the same, the running theme of naked people painted angelically to depict romance sneering at you, as if to say you didn't deserve romance too.
You sighed leaning over the stone railing as you scouted out the place. You had a perfect view of the ballroom and all the guests that pooled downstairs. Most of them were couples of all ages, dressed elegantly in such a way that flaunted their wealth. The men smoked expensive cigars while their women had their necks decorated in rubies of all shapes and colours. You couldn't lie that you felt a little out of place.
The minute you walked in with Enishi on your arm chatter ceased and all eyes were on you, well mostly the female ones seeking something to gossip about. They started picking apart your hairstyle, your dress, your face. The fact that the man at your side chose you as a plus one instead of one of them. They called him 'too handsome to be real' while fanning their faces and you would have agreed if it wasn't for the intense urge to poke your tongue out at them. But you had to behave like a lady, so you settled for throwing daggers with your eyes their way.
You didn't know why you suddenly felt so protective of the man at your right. The group eventually scurried off, possibly terrified of your facial expressions, and it was weird that the satisfaction you felt was good enough of a reason to justify your actions. Enishi saw the exchange and struggled to keep his laughter in.
"I suggest you to keep your claws hidden tonight."
You turned to face him, eyes narrowing onto his. What was that supposed to mean?
"Are you suggesting I'm jealous or something?"
"Maybe."
"Last time I checked we weren't a couple or anything," you said wrapping your arms around your chest.
He looked around before he pushed you to a wall behind you, hands firmly gripping yours. Playfulness and seriousness were dancing around in his eyes and you couldn't tell which one peered more into your eyes right now. He stood so close to you that you forgot how to breathe. His eyes darted between your own and your lips, leaning closer to your face. Stopping just a few inches off your lips you felt your patience running thin. All you wanted to do was close the distance between you. He closed his eyes and blew a breath that hit your lips.
"Don't fall for me, Miyu," he whispered loud enough for only you to hear.
I think it's a little too late for that.
You had enough of getting teased so you made a move for his lips. Your lips barely brushed his before he pulled away from you, signature smirk on his face.
"We're on enemy territory so keep an eye out."
With that he turned around and walked off, leaving you there nothing short of confused. You released a breath and leaned on the wall for support, the ghost of his touch still lingering on your arms.
He was back to leading you on and you couldn't tell if it was just an act this time or it was what he actually felt for you. He was cold again but this time it seemed different, like he was forcing it. The minute you both stepped out of the house he would turn into this other person that liked taunting you.
You slept together for so many times and it still seemed to be no strings attached for him. But it made you crave more than that. You couldn't deny that your feelings for him were real but you couldn't tell if they were strong enough to push for them when you knew deep down that this back and forth will never be something more than that. And that kinda felt like an arrow was shot straight through your heart.
Every time you kissed him ran through your mind. You wanted to find at least one that you could hang onto that was sincere. But most of them were fuelled by anger and hunger. You never kissed each other with real feelings and you felt like a fool for thinking it could ever be more than back and forth with him.
You shook the thoughts form your head and walked to catch up to him. If it was up to you you would've left after that stunt he pulled. But you were here for your mom first and foremost. These mind games could wait.
Making your way downstairs into the main room where everyone gathered you looked around for him but he was nowhere in sight, figuring you lost him in the big crowd.
Great. What am I supposed to do now?
The band started playing a slow song and you recognised it to be the one of the tunes for the Viennese waltz. A small smile cracked on your lips at the memory of your father teaching it to you. He would place you on his tiptoes and swing you around the living room while your mother sat and clapped for you as your audience. They taught you all kinds of dances to help you fit in easier with the higher status people.
Didn't think the mafia rolled with this much finesse.
The dancefloor cleared as everyone split into pairs and you found yourself alone in the middle. As much as you would have loved to dance you didn't feel like it. You were about to walk off until an arm pulled you back, making you collide with a sturdy chest. The familiar jasmine smell was enough to make you grunt in annoyance as you turned to the man before you. He held your hand as he stepped away to do a curtsy, moving your other hand to sit on his shoulders as he gripped the other one. You tried prying your hands off but the hold he had on you was way too firm. He wouldn't let you go unless he wanted to and he seemed hellbent on doing so.
"Let me go," you gritted out. A few pairs looked at you struggling and you both flashed your fake smiles telling them kindly to fuck off.
"The music already started so let's just do this."
"I don't want to do anything with you."
You looked away from him getting into your position as you started leading him, stepping forward with your left foot. He tried to take the lead away from you but you were better at this than he was, getting your uncoordinated waltz in rhythm with the music. He noticed the weight you stepped with from side to side and could feel the tension just from holding your waist.
"Why are you suddenly mad at me?"
"Because.."
Because you almost kissed me. Because the way you touch me makes me want to run for the hills. Because you're a coward and can't admit to your feelings. Because I hate you.
"Because what?"
You separated to do a spin and came back to him. His hands landed a little lighter on your waist this time around.
"I don't know I just am."
The swaying pairs around you faded to a blur as your bodies got closer and you spun together to the music, swaying left and right. The fact that he knew how to dance the waltz amazed you a little. He seemed to have a lot of tricks hidden up his sleeve.
There was no denying he liked the female attention. Even while he danced so close to you you could feel the lonely girls by the side of the dancefloor staring holes through the back of your head. You knew exactly how they felt because you couldn't help but swoon at his charms too. That was until you got too annoyed by his staring.
"Can you stop looking at my boobs?"
"It's not my fault they are up in my face."
"Jesus Christ."
Parting away from each other again, you lifted your palms to sit against each other. Your warm fingertips met his cold ones again as you circled each other. It took every ounce of self control in your being not to intertwine your fingers together. You were mad at how quickly you went from hating to appreciating him.
You went for the final waltz section of the dance and prayed for the music to end faster. He took the lead this time and you followed suit.
He kept his eyes on you the whole time trying to figure out what you were thinking in that little head of yours. The tension between you was suffocating. You were back to the normal push and pull, getting too close to keep his hands off of you, but too far to actually touch you. He didn't want to push you away or play pretend but he didn't know what else to do to keep his urges away. Staying away from you was better than being this close to you and not knowing what to do or say.
Getting too lost in his own thoughts he took a wrong step that made you lose your footing. You thought you were going to kiss the floor if it wasn't for his hands catching you. You were bent backwards with one of your hands fisted in the collar of his blazer. One of his arms wrapped around your torso and the other sat at the back of your neck supporting your head. Maybe it was the thrill of danger from all the eyes looking at you that you felt like you couldn't take your eyes off of his. He seemed so close yet so far, easy but so hard to get through.
The music ended and you stepped away from him thanking all gods for the late but welcome help. You needed a drink if you wanted to get through the night so you headed to the bar leaving him on the dancefloor.
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You were on your fourth vodka cocktail when he joined you at the bar. You cursed your high tolerance to alcohol wishing to be tipsier than you felt so you could deal with him in a way that your conscience wouldn't scold you for.
"You should slow down on those."
"I can do whatever the fuck I want."
He didn't know where this attitude came from. He was a little annoyed by it but he brushed it off to be just one of your mood swings.
"Okay, so, what's holding us back from going in?"
"There's about ten armed guards on every floor."
"If that's a problem I think you're forgetting we took down a whole gang in that casino using our wits and wooden chairs."
"The problem is that once they see us coming they will sound the alarm to everyone else and we will be fucked. There's five mafias present and the last thing I want is a gang war."
"That's what you said last time and the Daos kinda went extinct the minute we got involved."
You had a point. But it was still too dangerous to go in through the front. He studied the map of the place countless times and knew there was a hidden staircase with access to all levels. It was typically the maids who had access to it. He looked around and spotted one at the far corner with a tray of finger foods in her hands.
"I will be right back. Behave yourself."
You would've smacked him if it wasn't for the crowd around you. Following him with your eyes through the sea of people you saw him approach a maid. What was he gonna do with a maid?
Your question was answered when you saw him plaster that playboy smirk on his face, leaning down to whisper in her ear. She giggled at whatever he told her and you gripped your glass tightly. The scene made your jaw clench even if you had no reason to feel like that.
Keep it together. We are not a couple. This is all just for show.
After more flirting, he came back and you threw the last contents in your glass down your throat. He dangled a set of keys in front of you and you looked at him confused.
"The maids have access to a hidden staircase at the back of the mansion. It leads to all levels including the top one where she said the rest of the maids are gathered up."
"Those open the doors to this secret magical staircase?"
"Yes."
Maybe you went a little too far with your sarcasm but it was the only way you could keep yourself from snapping at him. He only shook his head at you and lead the way.
You circled the entire mansion through the garden at the back. Whenever people passed by you, Enishi would hold your hand and smile to make it believable that you looked like a couple and that you weren't doing anything you shouldn't be doing. You played along leaning closer to him and smacking his chest as you laughed. It disgusted you, playing pretend like this when you wanted it to be real.
Once you were out of sight you looked for the staircase. You found it under a deep layer of wild vine and unlocked the doors, locking them after you entered. A few lanterns lined up the wall all the way to the top but it was still too dark to see anything. You went up first, lifting your dress up so you wouldn't step on it. The long ruffles covered the front part and you couldn't see where you were stepping. You got halfway up the stairs and placed your foot wrong on a step, stumbling backwards colliding with Enishi's chest for the second time tonight. One of his hands wrapped securely around your waist while the other gripped the railing.
"You should be more careful," he said breathlessly.
"I am-" you started but were cut off by the sound of guards patrolling at the top of the stairs.
Suddenly, you were pressed against the inner wall of the staircase, his body impossibly close to yours. The proximity made your heartbeat accelerated and you shut your eyes to take a few breaths in. The way his head dipped down to your neck gave you a thrilling sense of deja vu, reminding you of the night you hid in an alley from guards patrolling the city. You couldn't deny the attraction between you back then but you looked for every reason to do it now. Your hand laid on his chest and you could feel his rapid heartbeat under your finger tips. You opened your eyes and tilted your head at him.
If your body says it wants me why does your mind keep pushing me away?
His eyes turned from the top of the staircase to you laying on your lips again. He's gone too long without your taste and it was driving him crazy. All he wanted to do was kiss them sweetly until he drew blood. He thought just one taste would quench his thirst so he leaned down to you again. But this time, you didn't let him play with you.
The coast cleared and you pushed him away, making your way towards the top. You beckoned him over and checked the hallway to see it empty. He huffed and made his way to you.
"You take the ones on the left," he said.
"I'll take the ones on the right," you said at the same time.
You couldn't come to terms with anything and it pushed your buttons greatly. Shaking your head, you moved to the ones on the right without saying anything else. Wasting time you didn't have wasn't on your list right now. You needed to find your mom ASAP unless you wanted to piss off some blood-thirsty mafias by snooping around their palace.
Opening door after door you found either a guest room fixed up by a few maids or a storage space where they put cleaning supplies away. The next one you opened was a bathroom occupied by a couple who appeared to be making out or having a contest on who could eat the other's face off first. You couldn't really tell. They stopped their smooching to look at you startled.
"My bad. Uh... enjoy yourselves. Use protection," you yelled and closed the door leaning on it in embarrassment.
Enishi just closed the last door on his side and you looked at him hopeful only to have your hopes crushed when he shook his head.
"Only young maids on this side. What about you?"
"Loads of maids and I think I just cockblocked a couple."
He started laughing and you clamped a hand on his mouth reminding him no one needed to know you were there. You turned your attention back to the hallway. There was one last door to check on your side and you prayed to all gods she would be in there.
You moved to the door placing a shaky hand on the golden doorknob and you froze. You had no way of knowing if she was going to be behind that door or if something else would wait for you. You hoped you didn't come this far for nothing because if you did it would break you. Conscious of time ticking away, you drew in a shaky breath and tried to push through your hesitation and move your hand to open the door. But you couldn't open it.
Enishi saw you struggling. He knew how badly you wanted her to be inside that room. If she wasn't in there you were going to blame yourself for it even if it wasn't your fault. This was exactly why he didn't want you to come in the first place. He knew if there was nothing behind that door that it would break you. You hung with your teeth onto the little hope that the information you got from that asshole was true and he wished it was too.
He placed his hand on top of yours in reassurance and you looked at him. He was back to being his serious self, the Enishi who promised you he would help you get your parents back no matter what. With a deep breath, you both turned the doorknob and pushed the door open. Your breath got stuck in your throat at the sight before you.
"Miyu?"
No fucking way.
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