Self Deprecation - Tumblr Posts
fatima aamer bilal, excerpt from hungry thread of nerves.
[text id: and i am sick of stomaching all the love i have for you. / your name feels like acid in my mouth. what an odd drink to be fond of.]
Thinking bout the time my ex therapist said "you're too nice to be a narcissist" thanks that's the masking doing it's job.
Stupid btch smh ಠ_ಠ
the only thing stopping me from relapsing is knowing my husband will be home in 30 ish minutes
little does he know i stopped my meds again 🤪
A Bad Day Interrupted
A bad day, just like so many others lately. No matter how you tried, moments of actual contentment and joy never seemed to last quite long enough to be a mental break from everything. You have been severely depressed for little over a month, but it seems like you finally ran out of tears. Good, you hated making people worry about you.
Looking at the time on your phone, you are disappointed it isn't time to go home. Work isn't bad; the work is easily completed in time and you work with the nicest people you know. However, it is exhausting to consciously keep up the charade of being happy.
You are concerned for yourself. Nothing had happened, you just awoke one day and just been depressed since. On top of that, you are also anxious and self-abusing. Not physically, though the gnawing in your stomach reminds you that you are not eating as much as you probably should.
A lot of the abuse is mental; the thoughts in your head ripping you down to the lowest level of self-deprecation you have ever been. Words are weapons and they are inflicting so much pain.
You look at your phone as it buzzes. A message from your boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife/whomever. Upon opening, it is a small video clip of a panda cub sitting on a rock. It sneezes so hard it topples over and you can't help but chuckle, smiling a genuine smile for the first time all day.
They knew you were going through personal issues and were helping you look for a good therapist. Everday, they would find ways to show thier love in addition to texts and saying so. You feel guilty but accepted the extra affection, reciprocating the affection as best as you could.
One day at a time, with the love of your life making sure you make it through.
Because you would and have done the same for them.
I wish I wasn't so disgusting. And so ugly.
I'm really not.
I was watching kdrama "Good Doctor" with my mum and there was a scalpel on the screen...my mum looked at me and said:
- I hope you don't use things like this on yourself
And I was like:
- Mum, I don't even have one.
But there was also me thinking about the scalpel and knife I just ordered....
It's another level of pretending....
Cutting then pretending everything's fine is another kind of pain..
⚠️tw sh
First smoke then cut
When you had cut yesterday evening and next day in the morning you had volleyball match.....
Very clever move ngl
Again....too tired to cut
⚠️Tw/sh talk ⚠️
I want to cut so bad but also I don't want to move
I don't want to undress to find perfect place
I don't have energy to look for razors
I don't have energy to wait for cuts to stop bleeding
I don't have energy to hide those cuts
I don't have energy to cut
I just don't
I hope my horse riding pants won't soak up with blood...
Thanks gods those are dark
Yeah what are you doing here. What am I bringing to the table.
Me and the mutual I pulled by being actually I have no idea why they followed me but I'm glad they did
makes me so sad when people make mistakes and then say "oh, I'm so stupid" or "I'm an idiot" or the like. no you're not. you're not stupid and you're not an idiot. you were just being silly for a minute. this mistake does not reflect permanently on you.
Me, reading the summary of a self-insert story:
Warnings: Swearing, Smut, Degrading/Harsh name-calling
Me: ...?! WE WERE JUST GOING TO DO A PROJECT, WHY MUST WE SCREW?!
Brain, tired of my crap: *Blinks* You have smut in the search bar, what were you expecting???
Me: I don’t know-
Brain: YOU ARE AN ACE
SEARCHING
SELF
INSERT
SMUT
Me: B U T ? !
I’ll never be the type of girl that boys get flustered over
But I’ll be the bitch your girlfriend thinks about when she’s trying to get off
haha, confront my emotional baggage?
what do i look like, a concierge?
I decided to practice these buildings.
Another CotL headcanon for ya: Narinder tends the bar in the Cult. This is the reason why tons of female cult members are in love with him.
Tch! This isn't enough.
I see I need more skill. How awful can I be!?
Again, how do you guys do it? Any tips on how to draw these stuffs perfectly!?