Statement Begins - Tumblr Posts

My personal favorite is “supplemental: I’ve broken into Gertrude’s flat”

Oh also Martin finding the pictures Jon took of Tim’s house 😭

Unhinged Jon will forever be the funniest Jon, man was really out roaming the tunnels and stalking his coworkers like there was no tomorrow

Elias Bouchard is this you

genuinely one of the saddest parts of this new era of the internet is how hard it is to rick roll someone now. with people's attention spans shortening so much, they wouldn't even get through the first few bait seconds before clicking off the video. like i saw a comment that ended with "btw i made all of this up" and the replies kept treating it so seriously because none of them finished the entire 4 sentence comment. and We're no strangers to love You know the rules and so do I (do I) A full commitment's what I'm thinking of You wouldn't get this from any other guy I just wanna tell you how I'm feeling Gotta make you understand Never gonna give you up Never gonna let you down Never gonna run around and desert you Never gonna make you cry Never gonna say goodbye Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you

Jon sketch I did yesterday

Finally was able to draw him how I picture him when listening aaaaaa definitely will be drawing him more

the person who went to sleep when the buried was trying to take her on the london underground is so me.

What experience I would give as a statement to Jonathan Sims, Head Archivist of the Magnus Institute, London? Statement fucking begins...

Summer after GCSEs, whole fam picks up and goes to India for 3 weeks

Listen we are hubristic. We literally go from Britain to Turkey to Delhi airport, to a different airport, to Banaras in a taxi, to Siliguri in a sleeper train, to Kalimpong in a car, back to Siliguri in a van, then to Kolkata in a sleeper bus, to Dhakha, Bangladesh by plane, to my grandparents place in Sylhet by car, then back to Dhakha, then back to Delhi, then back to Turkey and then back to Britain.

Tell me we didn't have at least one entity on our side.

None of us got ill. We had a 6 yr old with us. She didn't complain one bit. I'm 100% sure I blacked out for the majority of it. No other explanation than paranormal.

Those sales assistants in shops have to be fucking avatars of the web or something the way they fucking smile and you until you've blinked and you've bought 3 lehengas and she's like very good ma'am

I met my grandma's sister who looks exactly like my grandma, speaks the exact same way, acts the exact same way. It was so uncanny I could've sworn she just was her. Probably very normal explanation (genetics) but we can never be sure.

I made friends with a hand sized spider in a bathroom by singing "Mr spider, please don't kill me" in the tune of Mr sandman to it every day. It disappeared on the last day. (giving spiral)

I got myself an Indian accent. I am not Indian. (Most of my family is from Bangladesh, I was born there) I am not good at accents. I'm not sure how this transpired (could be some elaborate sociolinguistics explanation but I'm gonna go with paranormal)

We went on a massive family day out with cousins to a river near the mountains and we all had a great time until this little menace of a cousin literally got carried away by a current and we were terrified until one of my uncles literally grabbed him by the leg and yanked him out right before he would've gotten completely carried away. I don't think that's pure luck, personally.

My aunts staged an intervention for me about my posture (Not supernatural, Im just salty)

My dad successfully convinced some strangers who sat next to him on the plane that the reason me and my siblings spoke such good English was that we went to an English medium school. When pressed, he came up with the most elaborate story ever. He gave them a random school we went to, told them we were his boss' kids and he was taking us home, bullshitted a company and then when one of them went oh my dad is a higher up in that company, he says oh didn't he retire recently and the guy goes yeah he did! We are completely oblivious of this story, until he leans over and tells us not to call him dad for the rest of the plane journey. If that's not fucking Stranger behaviour then what is.

We get home, exhausted out of our minds and we realise we can't find our fucking front door key. We pile into the back garden and proceed to search through the entirety of our bags, trouser pockets, pockets within bags, we're all on the verge of tears, I'm catatonic, my little sister has picked up a stick and is slowly peeling it, my other sister is the only one actually looking and my dad is staring at the luggage, as if it had grown legs and was doing a little dance right before his eyes. We do find the keys after 20 minutes. We never mention this again. That's fucking paranormal shit right there don't even try to convince me otherwise. Michael the distortion was fucking with us.

Statement ends... (Although that's definitely not even half the shit that happened)

Watch Jonathan "Jarchivist" Sims crumble beneath my experiences. Hes so bamboozled that he forgets to try and discredit me. I bring him a packet of laddoos and some aachar.

Mom said its my turn to reblog so here are mine • ω •

• i keep getting mistaken for different people by random people, from people on the street to the cashier to my neighbour. everyone thinks im a different person eachtime. am i really me? who am i really?

•im a famous surgeon with a lot of credentials and professionalism but damn that liver looks tasty

•a tortured artist who spends weeks and days over perfection on his latest masterpiece to save him from ruin and when he finishes he stares at it until he withers and dies. the police find his body in front of a blank canvas.

• ancient architect that kept on making buildings and structures mysticaly high and spacious so much so that living in them became a hassel at least and deadly at most

•more people going insane over the deep sea pls it makes my marine fascination go brrr

•stanley parable as a statement

•i think there is someone in my house but i hope they dont leave because they are the closest ive been to a human since i got released from prison. spoiler alert they leave or were they really there?

•blotched up plastic surgery with body dysmorphia

•i cant step into my own house because the baby cameras turned on and they show my pet peeling their skin and turning itself into a humanoid creature and walking in my house

•i used to bite myself as a mechanism but after the increase of stress in life i mightve bit a chunk off my skin? they eat themselves to death

•why do the actors in this super niche movie keep on making eye contact with the screen- hold on why do they know my name?

•i set fire to my house because the bugs refuse to leave no matter how hard i try. becomes a desolation avatar

•I used to lock myself in the cupboard in the dark when my parents argued. now i got that cupboard in my home and it calls to me. dark avatar

•school sucks i wanna turn myself into a artifact for a fear entity does exactly that

•i think my friend hates me and is stringing me around in manipulation for years and feeding off my insecurity and distress by saying justa few words and i think she is getting bored of me.

Statements I would absolutely love to see:

Person has grudge on inanimate object. This takes over their life.

Itching

My house hates me oh god oh god

My computer is fucking BLEEDING

I keep causing people's deaths and I don't know why I swear it's accidental

Trapeze artist dies falling from the trapeze over and over again

Teeth

I forget to post on tumblr all the time. Here's my sad Magnus Archives fanart.

All these comics of Jonathan Sims with his old recorders and no one has taken into account he could have easily been using a TalkGirl recorder the whole time.

Listening to The Magnus Archives for the first time and I think it has altered my brain chemistry.

Like I started it as someone who didn’t have a strong relationship with horror and now 70 episodes in I think I might be in love with a coffin.