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this night together - chapter thirteen (j.yh + s.mg)

chapter thirteen: all the words you never said

chapter summary: someone's at the door, and everything changes.

warnings: this chapter is still a bit of a pain train, but don't worry we're coming out of that en route to happier times. in the mean time..... warnings for descriptions of violence, injury, and blood. mc has a panic attack / ptsd flashbacks, open descriptions about her trauma, fear, nightmares, etc.

notes: i'm still working on the next chapter, but hopefully that one won't take too long!

pairings: alpha!yunho x alpha!mingi x omega!reader

genre: smut, a/b/o/omegaverse, angst, fluff, romance, polyamory

word count: 8.8k

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You wake the next day to an insistent knocking sound, a fist pounding against the front door of their apartment. Yunho nearly falls out of bed at the noise, shaking his head hard to banish the cobwebs, but Mingi is on his feet in seconds. 

“What’s going on?” You murmur, rubbing a hand over your face and stretching your tired limbs. 

“I got it,” Mingi shakes his head at you, “just stay with Yunho,” 

A chill runs over your arms, and with no blankets to drag up over you, you push yourself off the bed and grab for Mingi’s hoodie, pulling it over your head quickly and relaxing into its warmth. 

“Coming!” Mingi calls gruffly towards the door, and the knocking stops immediately. 

You glance at Yunho and he shrugs, but his eyes quickly flick to the door, able to see all the way down the hall from this vantage point and he waits. 

You listen as Mingi turns over the deadbolt and unlocks the chain, swinging the door open, “Oh,” he says, “hyung,” 

“Is y/n here?” Seonghwa’s voice sounds a little strained, like he ran up three flights of stairs. 

Yunho looks like he’s about to say something, but you smooth your hair back behind your ears and head down the hall for the door. 

“Yeah, she’s,” Mingi says, but you move around his side and Seonghwa’s eyes shift to you. 

“There you are,” Seonghwa sighs, looking instantly relieved. 

“Was I supposed to be somewhere?” Your eyebrows draw together, mind still a little fuzzy with sleep. 

Mingi takes a step away, and Seonghwa pushes across the threshold, “You haven’t been answering your phone at all, and when you didn’t show up this morning to practice… I just got worried,” 

“Oh, Hwa,” You soften, “I’m fine,” 

He hesitates, eyes flicking over you, and then he pulls you into his arms, sighing heavily, “Sorry, of course you are,” 

You tuck your face into his warm chest, squeezing him tight, “I’m good, I haven’t looked at my phone though, I was a little out of it last night,” 

“Did you just get up?” He pulls back and looks you over. 

“Mhm,” 

“It’s one o’clock,” He says softly, “you can see why I was worried,” 

“It’s one?” You’re shocked at the time, that you were able to sleep for almost twelve hours and so were they, despite your brief and terrifying wake up in the middle.  

Seonghwa smiles, “Yeah, but it’s fine, as long as you’re okay,” 

There are so many pieces to what happened yesterday you still don’t have answers to, and you’re not sure if now is the right time, but with Seonghwa in front of you things finally feel better. He’s been there for you so much recently that it feels like seeing him now is the clear missing piece to you finally releasing the last bit of tension from last night. 

A beat stretches between you and you nod. 

Yunho clears his throat softly from next to you both, “I’ll put some coffee on,” 

You almost forgot they were right by your side, and as Yunho makes his way to the kitchen, Mingi exhales with another rough noise. 

“Hey,” Seonghwa finally properly greets him, looking away from your face, “sorry, how are you holding up?” 

“Just woke up,” Mingi shrugs, “not sure yet,” 

Seonghwa’s eyes flick to you briefly as he registers that you’ve all just gotten up for the day. 

“Mingi,” Yunho calls from the kitchen, “can you help me with something?” 

“With what?” Mingi doesn’t draw his eyes away from either of you. 

“Coffee,” Yunho replies. 

Mingi’s brow furrows and he doesn’t move but turns his head towards the kitchen, “What help do you need with the coffee?” 

“Just come here,” Yunho sounds frustrated and you cover your mouth to keep from laughing. 

“Fine,” Mingi grumbles, throwing one last look back at Seonghwa before heading towards the kitchen. 

With the room clear, you look back to Seonghwa, “Are you okay?” 

“Am I?” He looks confused.

  “I don’t really know what happened yesterday,” You explain, “I barely saw you after everything, but Yunho said you and San took care of things, and I saw blood,” 

“Mm,” He nods, but doesn’t offer anything else. 

“What does that mean?” You press him. 

His eyes flick away and he shrugs, “It means San and I took care of it until the cops came.” 

“Hwa,” You shake your head. 

“Look,” He bites his lip and runs a hand through his dark hair, “can we sit down for a minute? I need to talk to you,” 

“Is everything okay?” 

“I’m not sure,” He admits, “let’s just… can we sit?” 

“Yeah,” You step back, gesturing for him to come further into the apartment and he takes a seat on one side of the sectional, gingerly on the edge with his hands clasped in front of him. Your eyes zero in on the bandages immediately. 

“Seonghwa!” You reach for him immediately, taking his hands in yours.

“Oh,” He takes his hands back and flexes them, “I’m fine, see?” 

“What happened?” Your voice raises a little, and Mingi appears in the doorway of the kitchen, one eyebrow raised. 

“This is what I wanted to talk to you about,” He sighs. 

“Your hands?” 

“Yeah,” Seonghwa pulls them further away from you and shakes his head, “I talked to the police last night and there’s something you need to know,” 

“The police?” You straighten up. 

“Mhm,” Seonghwa’s hand rubs over the back of his damaged knuckles, “they interviewed all of us, I think,” 

“I talked to them at the hospital,” You nod. 

“Were they alright with you?” Seonghwa asks, eyes flicking to yours. 

“Mostly,” You nod, “some of their questions were a little,” you search for the right word. 

“Pointed?” Seonghwa fills in. 

“Exactly,” You cross your arms unconsciously, remembering the way the detective talked to you, “they kept wanting to know about my cycle,” 

“They asked you that?” Seonghwa’s voice spikes a little. 

You nod, “I think it was pretty clear what they were trying to ask considering he said he was rutting,” 

Seonghwa’s jaw tightens as he exhales, “I’m so sorry,” 

“It’s alright,” You know it isn’t, but there isn’t anything to be done, “they took my blood, they’ll see I’m not even in pre-heat, it was nothing like that,” 

“We know that,” Seonghwa reaches across to brush his hand over yours, “you know that right?” 

“Of course I do,” 

“And even if you had been,” His hand flexes around yours, tightening and relaxing. 

“I know,” You assure him again, communicating as much as you can with a look. 

“Okay,” He sighs, “okay, good.” 

He pulls his hand back, and suddenly his face looks familiar. His expression so like that day before the tour in the faraway cafe. He’s working himself up to telling you something, and you can see that he’s scared. 

“Seonghwa, what is it?” You push a little, “You can tell me anything,” 

He presses his lips together before he says, “Right, so the police,” 

Mingi and Yunho choose this moment to file back into the room, both carrying two coffees each and Mingi sets yours down in front of you made up just how you like it before Yunho offers Seonghwa a cup. He accepts it, but lets it sit on the coffee table untouched while they get settled on the opposite side of the couch. 

“Just tell me,” You nod, bracing yourself a little. 

Seonghwa looks down, eyes on the floor while he gathers himself and his thoughts and then finally says, “I might have hurt your case,” 

“My case?” The words don’t quite make sense. 

“Going after him like I did,” He says simply, eyes still downcast. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” You shift closer to him on the couch, reaching out but not quite touching him, “what happened?” 

“You didn’t tell her?” Seonghwa looks up but past you, straight at Yunho. 

“What?” You look between them, nothing making sense at all. 

“You weren’t here,” Yunho insists, “she was upset last night, I was going to tell her this morning.” 

“Can you both stop talking around me and just say it?” Your voice takes a higher pitch, “I’m not a child.” 

“I’m sorry,” Seonghwa shakes his head, reaching for you and taking your hands folded in his own, “let me start over,” 

“Please,” 

“Minseok,” He says, the name a little uncomfortable in his mouth, “We got him into the hall and when I realized what happened, what he almost did to you,” he flexes his hand again and shakes his head, “I lost it a little,” 

“Hwa,” You murmur. 

“The police said because he had already been detained and it was no longer in defense or de-escalation it could hurt your ability to have him fully charged,” Seonghwa says in a breath, rubbing a hand over his eyes, “it’ll be possible for him to press his own charges if he wants, and I have reason to believe he’s getting those charges filed today,” 

“That’s insane,” You straighten up, “You were just helping me,” 

“No,” Seonghwa finally meets your eyes, “they were helping. I was… kicking the shit out of an defenseless man,” 

You open your mouth to say something but Mingi cuts in easily, “That’s not what I saw.” 

“What?” Seonghwa’s head snaps to the side. 

Mingi shrugs, “If you hurt your case then so did I, we all probably did, but if he knows what’s good for him he’ll take the firing on the chin and move on without dragging this to court.” 

“You fired him?” Your eyebrows raise. 

Yunho’s brows furrow, “Of course he’s fired, he’s not getting within a mile of you ever again,” 

Relief floods you and you nod, shifting your eyes back to Seonghwa, “How do you know he’s filing?” 

“Woo went to school with someone who works at the hospital in the emergency unit,” Seonghwa explains, “he called this morning just to find out Minseok’s discharge status so we knew when he’d be out,” 

That’s a thought that hasn’t occurred to you yet, and you take a steadying breath. 

“He’s going to be in for a little while,” Seonghwa assures you, “a week or two at least, but he did tell us that there were police there interviewing him. His family was also present, and it seems as though they have money and more to say,” 

“Entitled little prick,” Mingi curses. 

Seonghwa’s lip quirks up in a brief smile, but then he nods, “There’s not a scratch on any of us except him,” he points out, “it doesn’t look good,” 

You shift closer, “What did you do to him?” 

“I don’t,” He shakes his head, eyes softening, “I just lost it, San pulled me off him,” 

“Seonghwa,” You murmur. 

“He’s got broken ribs,” Seonghwa swallows hard, “and I think I broke his jaw,” 

“Jesus,” You breathe. 

“I wish I had,” Yunho says calmly, “he deserved it.” 

“Not if he can get away with what he did,” Seonghwa returns his hands to yours, “I’m so sorry,” 

“Hwa,” You shake your head, moving even closer on the sofa until you’re side to side, knees touching, “you have nothing to apologize for. I’m so grateful you were there,” 

His eyes go a little watery, and he cups your cheek, “When I think about the fact that I almost left early,” 

“When have you ever left early?” You give him a soft smile. 

“Seriously,” He shakes his head and leans closer, “I keep thinking about what would have happened if you were there alone, I keep seeing it,” 

“Stop, Hwa, please,” You squeeze his hand, “I’m okay, you were all still there,” 

“Yeah,” He breathes, but you can hear the tenor of lingering fear in his voice. He leans forward, pressing his lips to your forehead and exhaling over your skin. 

You let your eyes slip closed, and for a brief moment you forget about the other two men in the room with you, watching over the moment of intimacy with their breath caught in their chests. 

Seonghwa leans back a moment later, eyes clear now, and finally looks you over. He pushes your hair to the side and makes a face at the sight of your swollen, bruised gland, “What’s this?” 

“Nothing,” You shake your head, telling him clearly with your eyes not to pry. 

“Don’t tell me that’s nothing,” He says softly. 

“I promise,” You squeeze his hand, “I’m okay,” 

He swallows and then nods once before jerking his head towards Mingi and Yunho, “Did they take care of you okay?” 

“Yes, Seonghwa,” You sigh. 

You look to them, expecting to see some kind of comedic expression, or bristling annoyance at Seonghwa’s insistent checking, but that’s not what you see at all. Yunho looks like all the air has been let out of him, his eyes soft and unfocused. Mingi’s doing his best to seem relaxed and casual, but you know him well enough to know that he’s anything but, his tightly clenched hands telling you everything. 

“Hmm,” Seonghwa’s soft hum draws your eyes back to his, “and is there anything you need?” 

“I don’t know,” You confess, “is it silly to say I’m still tired?” 

“No,” Seonghwa brushes his hand over your hair again, tucking your hair back to where it was a moment ago, “nothing you wanted would be silly right now.” 

“Is everyone else alright?” You murmur. 

“They are,” He squeezes your hand, “you just focus on you.” 

You manage a nod, and you want to look back to Yunho and Mingi and see why they’re so silent, but Seonghwa continues. 

“You don’t have to be okay,” Seonghwa says softly, “but are you?” 

You know what he’s asking with his eyes, if being here with them is too much, if you’re able to get what you need in the midst of all the emotional circles you had been dealing with before the studio last night. You love him for it, but you nod, “I am, honestly,” 

“Then if you’re okay,” Seonghwa smiles a little, “I’ll leave you be,”

“I’m okay,” You glance back to Yunho and Mingi, and their eyes are holding on to anything but you and Seonghwa. 

“I just needed to see you and make sure, and to talk to you about things,” Seonghwa explains, pushing himself up to stand, “I don’t know what will happen, but I’ll do whatever I can to make sure it doesn’t affect you,” 

You stand with him and shake your head again, “Whatever happens with Minseok, we’ll deal with it together. Don’t put that on yourself, please,” 

He nods, and then you pull him into a hug, a quick squeeze before he steps away. 

“That’s it?” Mingi’s voice is incredulous as he stands up, “You’re leaving her?” 

You turn, fully confused by the sudden bubbling anger in Mingi, “What?” 

“I mean,” Seonghwa looks just as confused, “it seems like you’ve got things covered?” 

“Covered?” Mingi’s voice tightens. 

“Mingi,” Yunho tugs at his friend’s arm, “sit down,” 

“You’re seriously going?” Mingi repeats. 

The tension in the room is bizarre, the comforting moment you had with your friend completely undercut and you keep looking to Yunho for clarity but he just won’t look you in the eye, his eyes are set on Mingi. 

“I’m seriously confused,” Seonghwa looks between you and them, “y/n?” 

Your mouth is open, nothing really making sense for how quick to anger Mingi is in this moment, especially now, and all you can do is look to Mingi for answers, but you find little in his fierce gaze. 

“I’m just saying,” Mingi’s jaw sets hard, “if something like this happened to my girlfriend I wouldn’t be so quick for the door,” 

“My what?” Seonghwa glances down at you. 

The words don’t make sense, “I have no idea,” you manage, “what are you talking about?” 

“What are you talking about?” Mingi takes a half step back, eyes flicking between you. 

There’s a long beat of silence, and finally, finally, someone speaks. 

“You’re not together,” Yunho says, not a question but a realization. 

Pins slot into place, every little moment over the past few months coming into perfect clarity. You answer him anyways, “No, we’re not,” 

“Were you?” He clarifies. 

“Not like that,” You shake your head. 

“Oh,” Mingi’s hands relax, talking a half step backwards as the realization hits him. 

“You thought we were dating?” Seonghwa finally says, gesturing between the two of you. 

“Well,” Mingi clears his throat, “yeah,” 

“We’re not,” You confirm again and Yunho grins. Your stomach flips. 

“I really thought…” Yunho trails off, shaking his head. 

“Why would I have come home with you last night if he and I are together?” You trail off. 

“Yesterday was insane,” Mingi reasons, “I would have taken you anywhere you wanted to go if it made you feel better, I wasn’t questioning it,” 

“Oh,” You soften at that.

“But I guess I was wrong,” Mingi looks a little sheepish when he looks at Seonghwa. 

“Yeah,” Seonghwa squeezes your hand and then drops it, “y/n is… great, wonderful even, but it was never like that. I’m in love with someone else.” 

Your heart twists, knowing exactly what he means. 

“Fuck,” Mingi rubs the back of his neck, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to act like such an ass,” 

“No, no,” Seonghwa waves him off, “I get it,” 

“But,” Yunho looks up, and his eyes on yours freezes you to the spot, “I thought you said you had something to tell us?”

“And you thought it was that I’m dating Seonghwa?” 

“I thought you were trying to let us down easy,” He blurts out.

“No, that wasn’t…” You can’t fight the smile off your face now, “that’s not it at all,” 

His lips part, realization filling his features, “God, we’re idiots,” 

“Kind of,” 

“I should have just asked you on tour,” Mingi all but blushes and it’s quite possibly the first time you’ve ever seen him be so embarrassed.  

The moment is so absurd, so tangibly comical after last night and you can’t help but laugh again, “You thought I was that excited to see you after three months just to tell you that I’m dating one of your best friends?” 

“When you say it like that,” Yunho trails off. 

“Wow,” You clap a hand over your lips, “Woo is going to have a field day,” 

Seonghwa snorts softly, but stays quiet. 

“So if you’re not together, and weren’t together,” Mingi starts, lights going off in his brain as he rewrites all the things he thought he knew, his eyes find yours and hold steady. 

Butterflies start in your stomach, you feel it in the air like something’s about to shift under your feet and you should be bracing yourself. This is not the moment you imagined, not in the slightest, but there’s something steady about the way he’s looking at you and you want to reach out and grab onto it. 

Seonghwa softly clears his throat and takes a step towards the door, “I should go,” he says, “you look like you need some space,” 

You do, but you spin quick and catch his hand as he turns, “Wait, Hwa,” 

He pauses, glancing up over your shoulder at them before looking down to you again. 

“I have to thank you before you go,” You squeeze his hand, “I’m… I don’t know what else to say, but I,”

“Come here,” Seonghwa tucks you into his chest, hugging you close, “I’d do it again in a minute,” 

“I know,” 

“We may not be dating,” He says, and you can practically see the smile on his mouth, “but you’re one of my best friends and I’d do anything for you, okay?” 

“Okay,” You squeeze him tighter. 

He sighs, letting you go and pressing a quick, chaste kiss to your cheek, “Call me if you need me, okay?” 

“I will,” You nod. 

“And text Wooyoung back,” He says, almost an afterthought, “he was flipping out this morning,” 

“Tell him I’m fine,” You say, “I’ll message him later,” 

“I’m here for anything,” He reiterates, “and I’ll let everyone know you’re doing alright,” 

“Thank you, Seonghwa, really,” 

He nods, “I’ll let myself out,” he says quietly, and then he’s gone, the door clicking shut behind him. 

You don’t quite know what’s about to happen when you turn around but the butterflies in your stomach triple. Silence stretches between the three of you, and you know that the conversation you wanted carefully planned is happening now whether you’re emotionally prepared for it or not, no matter what happened yesterday. 

You turn back to them and the words slip out as you process everything out loud, “I don’t understand why you wouldn’t just ask me,”  

“You asked us not to,” Yunho says quietly, “and after what happened before…” 

“Yun,” You start, looking between them, but he presses forwards. 

“We didn’t listen to you then,” Yunho says, “I wasn’t going to fuck this up again,” 

Mingi’s quiet, his eyes downcast as he thinks, and your stomach turns into anxious knots. 

“Maybe this isn’t the time,” You murmur, and you’re about to say more but Mingi cuts you off. 

“No, please,” Mingi’s head snaps up, “not this time, this time we need to talk.” 

“Okay,” You breathe. 

“I should have said it in the letter,” Mingi clears his throat and finally holds your gaze for longer than a second, “maybe that would have made this easier, but, I’ll say it now.”

“Mingi,” 

“I love you,” He says, letting the words live in the space between you for just a moment before he continues, “I’ve loved you for a long time. You can tell me no, you can go if you want to, but we’ve spent so long not saying anything to each other, so I have to say this.” 

“You love me,” Your stomach flutters, heart pounding in your chest. 

“Yes,” Mingi nods, no hesitation or wavering, matter of fact, one of the things you’ve always loved about him. 

The air feels a little thinner in the room, like the altitude has changed, and you swallow thickly. You need to get your emotions under control, but Yunho’s stayed so quiet you don’t know what to think. When you glance at him, your chest aches. He’s watching you carefully, and you can see the nervous energy in him, the way his hands fidget and clench. 

“Yunho,” You manage. 

“You know how I feel,” He says, “by now… I know you know,” 

“No,” You can’t accept it and you shake your head, “tell me for real.”

Yunho drags a hand over his face and back through his hair, and then finally he meets your eyes again, “I’m,” his voice wavers slightly, “sweetheart, I’m still so in love with you.” 

“Still?” You hitch on the word. 

“It’s been a long time for me too,” He nods.

  You take in their words, stepping back, pacing a little as you process. You don’t really know where you’re going, you just need to move, to take some of the pressure of their eyes off, and you take deep breaths as you do. You can feel their tension, their fear that you’ll bolt again but strangely this time you don’t need to run. You just need a minute. 

“And yesterday,” You slow to a stop from your position behind their couch, “this isn’t some… reaction to what Minseok did, it’s not,” 

“When I wrote you that letter,” Mingi interrupts your anxieties, “we hadn’t seen each other in weeks. I could have told you I loved you then, this has nothing to do with him. This has to do with us, the three of us.” 

Your mind flicks back to your confession to Wooyoung months ago, the way he held you as you cried buckets of tears over them. The sickening realization that your heat with them did mean something, and you had been fighting your own heart ever since. You want to love them now so badly it tugs at your insides, flooding your eyes again with tears. 

“Don’t cry,” Yunho’s on his feet the minute he sees your eyes clouding over, “the last thing we want to do is make you cry after everything,” 

“It’s fine,” You manage, hastily wiping tears away before they have chance to really wet your cheeks, “it’s just been a very long two days,” 

“We’ll talk about this later,” Yunho reaches for you, “come here,” 

You take a step back from him and shake your head, swallowing back your emotions and trying to figure out how in the world you’re going to articulate this. 

He stops dead, and you watch Mingi’s face fall. 

“Our dinner,” You start off, “I had a lot I wanted to say to you both, and after yesterday, I don’t know my head is all twisted up, I’m not going to do this right,” 

“Maybe you’re right, we don’t have to do this now,” Mingi shakes his head, and you realize now that he thinks you’re rejecting them, once and for all. 

“Mingi, stop,” You cut him off, “I need you to let me get this out,” 

He stays silent. 

“We’ve been dealing with this for so long,” You start, “there’s been a lot of things said, and I guess unsaid too,” 

Yunho nods but keeps any thoughts to himself while you parse through your words. 

“I tried for a really long time to move on,” You manage, “and so much has happened but yesterday was,” you shake your head, trying to keep the strain out of your voice and get this out, “you know what it was. But you were both there for me and you took care of me, and I don’t have the words to thank you for something like that.”

“You don’t,” Yunho starts but you shake your head and hold out a hand to stop his words. 

You take a deep breath, and then you take the leap, “I was going to apologize to you. This thing between us… I broke it too. I was angry that night at the studio, and I wish I could take so much of it back. I was hurt, but I said things that I’m so, so sorry for.”

“I was planning on telling you that first,” You continue, “and then I was planning on telling you that while you were gone, I thought about you everyday. I thought about us and what you mean to me, about what I wanted, and I need to tell you first that I lied. That weekend, my heat, it meant more to me than I ever understood. It wasn’t just sex, and I’m sorry I said it, I’m sorry for so much,” 

“y/n,” Yunho says softly, but you shake your head. 

“I’m,” The words bubble up and lodge right in your throat. It should be easy, you love them. They said it first, it should roll right off your tongue, but it just doesn’t. You take a tight, hard swallow and try again, “I don’t, what I’m trying to say is that,” 

“Hey, hey,” Mingi’s close the minute he sees you floundering, cupping your cheeks and hushing your panicked little breaths, “you don’t have to say anything, especially not right now.” 

“But,” Your throat feels raw, “but I don’t want,” 

“Shh, shh,” He shakes his head, smoothing his thumb across your cheekbone, “slow down, go easy,” 

It all feels like it’s opening inside you, the tense knot from yesterday, your feelings for them wrapped up inside it, the way your omega keeps clinging to them as yours. The way you almost lost them. Tears spill over your cheeks again and you choke out a weak cry, “I’m sorry,” 

Mingi shifts forwards, scooping you up in his arms to cradle you against his chest just like yesterday, “You have nothing to be sorry for, nothing at all.” 

“I want to tell you,” You confess into his shoulder, “I have to tell you,” 

“Baby, please,” Mingi soothes, “just take a deep breath,”

“Mingi,” Yunho murmurs low, having moved closer to the two of you, “let’s sit, come here,” 

You keep your head pressed against his skin, your body feeling ragged and exhausted, memories from yesterday flooding up and the scent of your alphas making you dizzy, and you think if you cry any more it might make you sick but you just don’t know how to stop. 

Mingi moves with you, settling down onto the couch and you can hear Yunho shifting around the room, but you don’t know what he’s doing until a familiar soft blanket wraps around your body. 

“Breathe, baby,” Mingi prompts you again, “we’re right here.” 

“Yunho?” You blink hard as you lift your head from Mingi’s neck, reaching to search for him. 

“Right here,” Yunho is tucked close to you and Mingi, and he takes your hand in his, drawing your eyes to his, “I’m right here with you,” 

“I’m sorry,” You stammer, tears finally subsiding just enough, “I d-don’t know what’s wrong,” 

It feels so familiar, this moment, like the overloading torrent of emotion that came after your broken heat so many months ago, only this time the sick pit in your stomach is worse. The stakes feel so much higher, and the echo of hands on your hips and teeth at your throat keep flickering through your mind. 

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Yunho squeezes your hand, sliding closer still and brushing his hand over the back of your head, “but it will pass, and we’re not going anywhere,” 

“But I need to explain,” Your throat feels like it’s closing. 

“You don’t,” Mingi eases you back from his chest so that you’re perched on his lap, and he guides your face up to his so he can meet your eyes, “right now you just need to breathe,” 

He’s right, the hysteria working its way through your system will only grow unless you start to get your arms around it. You grip Yunho’s hand tighter and start to try and regulate your breath, letting your eyes slip closed as you focus, the little shuddering starts melting into deeper and steadier inhales and exhales the longer you work at it. 

You start to focus on things you can feel in your mind, things you know are real. Mingi’s warm body under yours, the cool metal of Yunho’s ring against your finger, a weighty hand on your right hip, the distant sound of a voice in the apartment next door. You’re home, you’re safe. 

When your eyes open they’re not looking at you but looking at each other, worried little creases in their brows as they communicate silently with their eyes. 

“Hey,” Your voice is small when you first speak, weak from exhaustion. 

“Hey,” Yunho smiles when he sees your eyes open, squeezing your hand again. 

“Feeling a little better?” Mingi murmurs, hand stroking your back. 

You shrug and wet your lips, “Not really,” 

“Then I think we should talk about this another time,” Mingi maintains, “do you want to try and get some more sleep, or,”

You shake your head and press a palm to the center of his chest, “No, I need to say this,” 

“It can wait,” 

“Not for me,” You insist, “I’ll just keep thinking about it,” 

“Alright,” Yunho smooths your hair over your shoulder and keeps a steady palm against your back. 

With a deep breath you steady your mind, get your words right, and then finally try again. “I don’t want the first time I tell you I love you to be mixed up in everything that happened yesterday. Everything feels so confusing and overwhelming because of what happened, but I don’t,” Your fingers knot tighter in Mingi’s shirt, “I can’t lose you again, so I just need you to know what I wanted to tell you on Saturday,” 

Yunho’s hand stills on your back, and Mingi’s eyes flick down. 

Nerves flood you, terrify you to your core, and you flounder again, “I know I should be able to get it together and to say it like you deserve, but I just need a little time, I don’t want to be thinking about him or feeling him when I think about us.” 

Yunho shifts forwards, his lips connecting with your forehead softly as he holds you to him, and he lets the warmth of his skin linger on yours. A sharp, wet noise draws your eyes back up and disconnects you and you realize Mingi’s crying, tears tracking down his cheeks and his eyes shining. 

“Mingi,” You reach for him, disconnecting Yunho as you cup Mingi’s cheeks, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I just need a little time,”

He shakes his head, bringing his hands up to hold yours, “It’s not that, I swear to god, it’s not that.” 

“Then,” 

“I could fucking kill him, I really could,” The edge in his voice sends a chill up your back, and you watch as he swallows hard and takes a deep breath to get his own tears under control. 

“Hey, come on,” You try again, “I’m fine, look at me,” 

“You’re not fine,” Yunho shakes his head, “you just said so,” 

Mingi nods, his eyes opening. 

“But I don’t want you to be upset,” You smooth the tears away from Mingi’s cheeks. 

“I’m not upset because of you,” Mingi turns his face, pressing a kiss to your palm, “I’m upset because someone almost took you from us,” 

The air in the room feels thin at the truth of it, and Yunho looks down at his words, his hand tightening on your hip. 

Mingi curls his hands around yours and draws them away from his cheeks, entwining your fingers and resting your combined hands on his chest, “He almost took you from yourself,” he says softly, “that’s why I’m upset.”

“He didn’t,” You soothe him, “I’m right here,” 

“You don’t have to make us feel better right now,” Yunho shakes his head, finally looking up, “You should feel whatever you want, and if you need time, we can give that to you.”  

Mingi nods, “He’s right, I’m angry, but that’s not for you to fix.” 

“We don’t need anything right now,” Yunho murmurs, his hand stroking up and down the length of your back slowly, “just tell us if we’re not doing something you need,” 

“That’s not fair,” You smile softly, “you went through something too,” 

Mingi hums, disconnecting your hands so he can rub any evidence of his tears away before he sighs, “Remember when I told you it was our job to provide for you?” 

You remember how those words made you feel then, so safe in a moment of such confusion and emotion. Your shoulders drop, muscles relaxing as you try this time to listen to him, and you nod at his words. 

“It’s our job always,” His hands return to yours, “and right now you have to trust us to hear you and do better by you,” 

“But I made mistakes too,” You start to interject but he shakes his head. 

“Babe,” He sighs, “none of it matters, not anymore.” 

You were supposed to do this differently, to tell them your story and how you felt, and get all the things they didn’t know on the table, you were supposed to let them make an informed choice, but your voice just won’t come the way you need it to, “I just don’t want to lose you,”  

“You won’t,” Yunho says firmly, “why do you think that’s going to happen?” 

“There’s more to tell you,” You confess, “and last time I should have been honest, but I wasn’t and look where that got us,” 

“I don’t think there’s anything you could tell me now that would make me not love you,” Yunho says, smoothing his thumb over your cheekbone, “and we’re being honest now, that’s enough for me.” 

“How do you know that?” You scrub away tears that threaten to fall.

  “Because I missed you everyday,” He says simply, “and because I didn’t feel home again until I saw you at the party, and yesterday when I thought you were hurt I couldn’t breathe. I’m not going anywhere this time, all I want is us. All three of us.” 

“Me too,” Mingi clears his throat to get rid of the resurgence of emotion, “it feels right when it’s us, I’m not willing to lose that.” 

Your shoulders drop, all the tension you’ve been carrying for months falling away. They love you, they want you, even still. You collapse against them, pulling them both tight to you and resting on their touching shoulders. “Are you sure you can wait?” You whisper into Mingi’s sleeve. 

“Yes,” Yunho reiterates, “of course we can,” 

You nod against them, letting their arms fold around you and keep you tucked close. 

Mingi strokes your hair, his wide palm cradling the back of your head when he asks, “Does it bother you if we say it? If we tell you how we feel? Or should we give you some time?” 

“You can always tell me,” You can’t go backwards now, “I’m done not telling each other things,” 

Mingi presses his lips to your head, “Then I really fucking love you,” he murmurs soft in your ear, “and I don’t know what we’re doing, but as long as we’re together we’re going to be okay.”

Tears well in your eyes, the truth of is words cocooning around you, “I believe you,” 

The day takes time to pass, and short of Mingi fixing you something to eat for dinner, you all spend it cuddled close on the couch together. Movies play on the television, fingers card softly through your hair, and no one talks anymore about what happened or what it all means. 

Your original plan on Saturday would have been so much easier than this, you wouldn’t feel flayed open and raw and terrified to close your eyes or step into a room where you can’t see them in your eyeline, but you won’t lie and say you aren’t still grateful to be here and in their arms. You’re so sick of taking the hard road to get to them, but maybe together it can be different. 

Later, at night and in bed again, you sink into that feeling of gratitude. You missed this, the feeling of them next to you, the weight of their hands and the warmth of their chests. Any fear or hesitation you might have felt about your future with these two alphas is dissipating with every passing minute. They made mistakes and so did you, but when things got hard, really and truly hard, they’ve been everything. 

From your position curled against Mingi, you stretch and press a warm kiss to his neck, taking a comforting inhale of his rich scent, letting it work through your body and keep you warm. He sighs pleasantly at the feeling, and you wriggle up in their combined hold until you can find Mingi’s lips. 

He’s hesitant at first, letting you set the pace this time. His mouth is comfortingly familiar and you ease into each other, sharing a quiet breath and nuzzling his nose between gentle close lipped kisses. He sighs against you, his hand tightening on your side, and you flash back in your mind to the last kiss with him in the studio room. 

Flickers of the studio make your pulse quicken and your palms clammy, and you break your lips away from Mingi for a second of fresh air and to stop the sudden nerves sparking up the back of your brain. 

Twisting in their arms you turn to face Yunho, keeping Mingi still close at your back while you find Yunho’s cheek and tug him down to your mouth. He makes a soft, surprised noise, and you realize that you’ve never kissed him outside of your heat before. He’s so warm, so instantly responsive to your touch and you pull him a little closer still, letting your legs tangle together under the sheet. 

“Baby,” He whispers, fingers running over your hip and down your thigh. 

Your lips part, his tongue catching on yours as it dips into your mouth, deepening the kiss and your heart picks up again. You shift your hand, fingers catching under the edge of his t-shirt, just a little more skin on precious skin. Mingi’s hand drops from your hip to your stomach as he edges closer behind you, his wide palm stretching across the expanse of your belly. You shiver, a breathy sound from your lips you can’t catch. 

Yunho hums softly, pleasantly, kissing along your jaw the way he knows you love. 

You let your eyes slip closed, the sensation of them filling every space around you. 

Yunho kisses to the hollow of your ear and then travels lower, shifting to press his lips over the smooth column of your throat, but you feel the tense knot form again in the pit of your stomach. You feel hands on your hips where they shouldn’t be, you see a snapshot of your face in the practice room mirror, the ghost of a tug of your hair. 

At the first soft touch of Yunho’s tongue against your tender gland you jerk back and shake your head, eyes fluttering open, “I can’t, I’m sorry I can’t,” 

He pulls away immediately, hands off you as you press back into Mingi’s chest, “That’s okay,” 

Mingi wraps his arms around you to soothe you, “Your heart’s racing,” he murmurs, “babe, you’re safe, you’re with us,” 

“I know,” You nod, taking a deep steadying breath. 

Yunho cups your cheek, “I didn’t mean to scare you,” 

“It’s not you,” You assure him, “I just think I need some time before we do anything again,” 

He nods, “Anything you want,” 

“I just,” You try to explain, “for a second I thought I was back in the studio,” 

“You’re not,” Mingi reminds you, “and you don’t ever even have to go back in that room if you don’t want to,” 

“That’s not very practical,” You smile, kissing his forearm where his arm crosses over your chest as your racing pulse starts to slow. 

“I’m being serious,” He says. 

“I know you are,” You nod, “but I’m alright, I just think I need a few days away.” 

“That’s a good idea,” Yunho eases closer now that he can sense your heightened spike of panic is calming, “I’ll join you.” 

“Same,” Mingi rests his head on yours. 

“You don’t have to skip work for me,” 

“Honestly,” Yunho says, “it would make me feel better to stay with you, I’d be useless at the studio right now,” 

Mingi nods in quiet agreement. 

“Can I be honest?” You murmur in the dark. 

“Always,” Yunho nods. 

You find Yunho’s hand to hold and confess a little more to them, “I want you to stay, I feel like you’re both the only thing keeping me present right now, I keep worrying that I’ll slip back there,”

Mingi shifts behind you so he can properly see your face in the deep blue light, “Into headspace?” 

You nod, the echo of it in your mind, “It was so awful,” 

“I don’t think that can happen,” Mingi shakes his head, “you can’t just fall into it without someone putting you there.” 

You remember the distinct way you felt pulled under, the sudden tug downwards and the way you felt so insulated and trapped inside your own mind. You swallow hard and meet his eyes, “I’ve heard of it happening, omegas getting stuck, I don’t want to feel that ever again, I can’t feel that ever again,” 

“Hey, hey,” Yunho presses his hand over your heart and strokes your gland softly with the pad of his thumb, “that’s not going to happen,”

“He’s right,” Mingi kisses your forehead softly, “stories like that are rare, those omegas went through years of abuse and that’s awful, but it’s not you. No one is ever, ever, getting the chance to do that to you again.” 

“No one,” Yunho reiterates, still soothing your sore gland, “not us, not anyone.” 

“I just,” You sigh, “I keep feeling it when I close my eyes,” 

Yunho reaches out and brushes back your hair, his fingers smoothing against your temple, “Is that what your nightmare was about?” 

You nod. 

“You were there again?” He clarifies. 

“Yeah,” 

“What was it like?” Mingi murmurs his question, keeping it soft. Not a demand or a need, but an opening. Yunho’s eyes flick away from yours to his, but he waits to see if you’ll answer. 

Your mouth feels a little dry and you wet your lips as you think about how to describe it. You let their hands tether you as your eyes slip closed, “You know that feeling when your ears are full of water? The way everything sounds like you’re hearing it through a wall?” 

“Mhm,” Mingi murmurs. 

“It’s like that,” You explain, “like I was at the bottom of a lake or a pool and I knew something was happening around me, but I couldn’t tell what.”

“Do you remember anything?” Yunho asks. 

You shake your head, “Yes and no,” but you can see it in your minds eye, “I remember you both looked so scared and I remember wanting to ask you what was wrong, but I couldn’t,” 

They’re quiet now, only the thready sounds of their breath and yours as they listen. 

“He told me not to move,” You explain, “and to keep my mouth shut,” 

Mingi’s hand finds yours in the dark. 

“He said, ‘don’t move an inch’,” You feel Minseok’s words against your throat, the final push that sent you over the edge, “and I couldn’t, even when you were there and not him,” 

His thumb brushes over the back of your hand. 

“I remember you telling me to come up,” You continue, “I’ve never heard you sound like that before,” 

“You’ll never hear me sound like that again,” He says, his voice tight, “I just didn’t know what else to do,” 

“It worked,” You let your eyes open again, “that’s all that matters.” 

“Maybe,” He murmurs, and even though he doesn’t say more you can tell that he’s still a little shaken about using his own alpha tone on you at that moment. 

Yunho shifts in the covers, “Jagiya,” he says, “I think you should talk to someone about this,” 

“I’ll be alright,” You shake your head, “it’s just fresh and I need more sleep,” 

“Just think about it,” he says, “you can always talk to us, always, but we’re not professionals,” 

He’s not wrong, but the idea of opening up more than you already have makes something twist a little in your gut. You nod anyways, “I’ll think about it,” 

They stay quiet for a little while, and you take a minute to come back to your senses completely after letting the idea and the feeling of headspace occupy your mind for even just a few minutes. When you do, you realize that while Mingi is still cuddled up to your back, there’s at least a foot of space between you and Yunho, despite the way his long arms afford him the ability to still stroke your hair from this angle. 

“Come back over here,” You say suddenly, tugging on his t-shirt. 

“You sure?” He checks as he eases across the mattress. 

“Mhm,” You nod, letting his arms settle around you too. 

Confessions bubble up in your chest, the sudden need to keep being honest flooding you. 

In the dark, things are always easier. 

“I need to tell you something,” You murmur into Yunho’s shoulder. 

“Anything,” Mingi says quickly, his body still behind yours. 

You say it as plainly as you can, “My last heat was more complicated than I told you before,” 

“Okay,” Yunho murmurs, his voice a little hesitant as he waits for you to say more. 

“I called Seonghwa, but he was with Wooyoung at the time,” You explain, “and Woo has a whole little heat sanctuary at his apartment, so I spent my heat there with them,” 

“Is that what you’ve been so scared to tell us?” Mingi murmurs, his breath tickling your cheek. 

“San came to find his friends because they weren’t answering their phones,” You just have to get it all out, “but he stayed, I asked him to stay too.” 

“Oh,” Yunho trails off for a moment and Mingi’s steady breath stops. 

You brace yourself for the worst of it, your eyes closing tight, but then Yunho says, “San and Seonghwa usually spend Wooyoung’s heats together, right?” 

“Yeah,” Your eyes open again in the darkness. 

“And they took care of you okay?” He asks. 

“They did,” 

“And you…” Yunho struggles to find the right words, “you wanted everything? They didn’t push you or,”

“No,” You assure him, “it was all my choice,”

“Okay,” 

“You’re not angry?” You expected more of a fight, especially after how betrayed they looked after Seonghwa. 

Mingi sighs and you feel his head shake against yours, “You’re here with us now,” he says, “and you said it back then, we weren’t dating, no one cheated,”

“Oh,” Your tight fists unfurl. 

“y/n,” Mingi cups your hip and shifts behind you, “I think I already know the answer, but I’ve been wrong about what’s been going on for months, so can I ask you something?” 

“Anything,” You repeat his words back to him. 

“Was it just heat? Or do you want them too?” 

“Just heat,” You assure him immediately, finding his hand and interlocking  your fingers, “I promise you, it was just heat.” 

“Okay,” He nods. 

“Honestly,” You add quietly, “I don’t think I let myself understand what being with you both had meant until I experienced something different. I’ve never felt the way I felt with you both, before or after,” 

Mingi nods again, and Yunho’s lips connect gently with your forehead. 

“I understand if this is too much,” You start to say, but Yunho pulls back with a sharp intake of breath. 

“No, y/n,” he cups your cheek, “it was hard to see things clearly in the moment that day, we were worried about you and I’ll admit I was jealous too, but you didn’t do anything wrong and we handled it more than poorly,” 

“You’re friends with them,” You point out softly, still waiting for the moment they let your words sink in.  

“So are you,” Mingi says easily.  

Yunho runs his hand along your arm, “If you wanted to be with someone else, would you be here?” 

“No,” You answer immediately. 

“That’s enough for me,” 

“Me too,” Mingi adds, “I just want to move forward,”  

“Exactly,” Yunho finds your clasped hands in the dark and holds them both. 

“Hearing you say you and Hwa aren’t together,” Mingi presses a kiss to your bare shoulder, “I’ve never been so happy to be wrong about something, this changes nothing, babe,” 

Your body unknots in their hands, “Okay,” 

“Is that everything you wanted to tell us?” Yunho squeezes you softly. 

“That’s everything,”

The room feels lighter with nothing between you.  

“Well,” Yunho shifts closer and presses another kiss to your forehead, “I love you,” 

Mingi’s nuzzles another kiss  to your shoulder, “I love you too,” 

Relief spreads through your body, and you tug them closer until you’re sandwiched perfectly between them once again. The weight sitting on your chest is suddenly gone. 

There’s nothing more to say tonight, nothing more to do, but held between them with your legs all tangled together under the sheet you feel safe. You’re tired, exhausted even, but for a little while you can’t close your eyes. You listen to the way their breath evens out as they drop into sleep, gentle, rhythmic sighs as their bodies relax into yours. You listen to the city outside, the hum of the forced air unit, the distant click of a door shutting in the adjacent apartment. You focus on all the things you can feel, all the things you can hear. They way you’re here, present in your body. 

Yunho shifts, rolling away just enough that you dip forwards with him and you end up against his chest. His heart thumps low and slow against your cheek. Mingi makes a soft sound at being disturbed, his body attaching back onto you like a magnet as he reaches over and hitches up his leg, cuddling you both. 

You didn’t know it was possible to miss a person this much, let alone two. 

Your throat tightens up, a feeling deep in your chest and you press your eyes closed. You whisper soft against their skin, practicing the words on your lips, “I love you,”

In the dark, you make them this little promise.