Endlessly

Endlessly

Astarion x plus size! Y/N - drabble - 1.3K WC NSFW 18+

Masterlist

Warnings: insecurities, yelling, self deprecation, fluff on fluff on fluff, Astarion being a big sap, loveeeeee

Part 2

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You and Astarion had been together for 8 bliss filled months. You knew you were in love with him the day he asked you to be his. Yet you never said it. He hadn’t said it either. Honestly, you were still amazed he was with you. You knew your size wasn’t perceived as conventionally attractive or desirable. It used to bother you, but you were quite comfortable in yourself now. Until it came to Astarion. It was like you were trying to hide any and all fat on your body when he was around. He had never made any negative remarks, quite the opposite actually. You just knew one day he would wake up and see through the honeyed fog of lust and find somebody who matched him. Somebody perfect, just like him. 

You watched as Karlach played in the stream, she had such a child-like wonder about her. It made you happy to just be in her presence. Shadowheart sat on the shore with you, meditating. Everyone else was back at camp. 

“Come on Y/N! Come play!” Karlach yelled, splashing a bit of water at you. 

You got up wading into the water up to your knees. Thankfully you wore shorts and a massively oversized top. You felt comfortable enough around everyone to be seen like this. You and Karlach flicked water at each other, finding rocks and shells to take back to camp. You talked about nothing and everything. Gale and Wyll made their way down, even Lae’zel. The weather was just too good to not enjoy your little beach. You didn’t see Astarion make his way down the hill. He walked up behind you, wrapping his arms around your waist. You lurched forwards, not used to touching as you were still nervous about it - especially when he touches your waist/stomach. Your foot slipped on the soft mud beneath you, you fell forwards. You caught yourself, avoiding any injury but you were soaked. Your clothes clung to you, your body on full display. You scrambled up, crossing your arms over your torso. You pushed past Astarion as he held a hand out to you. You rushed up the hill and to your tent, stripping your clothes off. 

“Darling? May I come in?” Astarion said from the front of your tent.

“Not right now Star.” You tried hard to hide the waiver in your voice, or the subtle sniffles you were letting out. You layered on clothes, wanting to hide within yourself somehow. 

“Love…” he said, barely peeking inside.

“I said not now! Please just go away…” you yelled, sounding harsher than you intended. You laid on your bedroll, curling into yourself. You cried until you fell asleep, the moment earlier exhausting and overwhelming you. 

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Astarion backed away from your tent. He had never heard you yell before, much less at him. He racked his brain, not exactly sure what he did wrong. It clicked after a moment, he touched you. You two had never established boundaries verbally but you knew he was ok with touching. You, however, were only ok with light touches that didn’t really invade your person. Holding hands, a kiss, caressing your face - all things he had done before that you seemed to be happy with. But today, perhaps he had overstepped. When he saw you and your radiant smile, so full of joy to just exist in the moment looking for shells and splashing about with Karlach. He acted on instinct, without even properly thinking it through. He felt positively wretched. Out of everyone he understood most how awful it is to have physical boundaries crossed, and he crossed yours. He walked to his tent glumly. He would seek you out later, right now he wanted to give you the space you deserved. 

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You woke up later. The crickets outside chirped and you could hear the campfire crackling. You rubbed your eyes. A blanket had been thrown over you, a note was folded up on your table. You got up and snatched it. “Find me when you wake - A” You sighed, closing your eyes. The way you yelled at him echoed in your mind. You were flustered, you hadn’t meant for it to sound so mean. You peeled off your coat, feeling hot and constricted in all the layers you had piled on. You left your tent in a sweater and pants. You felt less anxious than you had earlier, knowing your campmates didn’t care what you looked like. All you cared about was that Astarion had touched your stomach, the spot you were most insecure about. You couldn’t act like it wasn’t there anymore, you had to face him. You willed back your misty eyes, preparing for the worst. You softly called his name outside of his tent, waiting for him to call you in. He did, and he looked just as nervous as you felt. Your stomach dropped but you tried not to show it.

You sat rather far from him, wanting to have space between you both. “I’m sorry I yelled at you.” you spoke first.

“I’m not worried about that darling… I am worried about the fact that I hurt you.” he spoke softly but you could hear the guilt in his tone.

You looked at him, confusion dripping from your face. “I wasn’t thinking… and I know that isn’t an excuse, but I’m sorry I crossed your boundary. It won't happen again… that being said, we need to have a talk.”

Your blood ran cold, a cold sweat covering your back. This was it. You nodded stoically, convincing yourself not to cry. 

“I would like to know where you are comfortable with me touching you. I, personally, am comfortable with you touching me wherever, whenever.” he smiled at you gently, a simple twitch up the corners of his mouth.

Well… this is not where you thought the conversation was going. “I…” you tried to collect your thoughts, “I do like your touch. I want you to know that. I love it, in fact. What happened earlier wasn’t anything to do with you, I just…” you paused, unsure if you should even tell him. 

He looked at you with his big pleading eyes, you had to tell him or this wall would intrude upon your relationship.

“I am insecure about my… size… my weight. I know you have had many diviner conquests, and you yourself are a vision… I just… I don’t know… I don’t want to disappoint y-” you were cut off by his lips melding into yours. They were soft but you could feel a fire behind them. 

“Respectfully, darling, shut up.” he kissed you again, deeply. As if trying to convey a multitude of feelings at once. “You are perfect. And you are not a conquest, you are the one I…” he paused, his eyes flicking between yours before he spoke again. “You are the one I love. And I love all of you.”

You were shocked, you were sure you felt everything about your relationship deeper than he did. And yet, here he was saying he loves you. “I love you… I’m so sorry about this whole thing.” you scooted closer to him, reaching for his hand. 

“Don’t be sorry. I understand insecurities, nasty little thoughts that cannibalize you from within.” he cupped your cheek, “You have nothing to worry about. You are perfect, I love everything about you.” 

He sounded so sincere you couldn’t help but tear up. “Can we… work on expanding my boundaries? I want to touch you, and have you touch me… I just need some time to get comfortable. Get out of my head, ya know?” you asked, picking at your nails. You hadn’t talked about intimacy with anyone else before, not like this. 

“Of course little love… we’ll go at your pace. Honestly, I’m excited to do this with you.” he smiled, his fangs making an appearance. “I love you, endlessly.” he said as he kissed your cheeks before landing on your lips. The kiss was sweet, almost like it was sealing a promise.

“I love you, endlessly.” you spoke on his lips before connecting your mouths once again.

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Naboo's Note:

Hello! I hope everyone enjoys, I haven't seen too many plus size reader inserts with Astarion so here is my shot at it. As a plus size person I think this kind of representation is important and very validating. Post again soon, love you guys!! Thanks for all the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests!! XOXOXOXO

Satisfaction

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 1.2K WC

Masterlist

Warnings: enemies to lovers, cursing, violence, mentions of torture, knoll attack, angst to fluff

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“I can’t fucking believe you.” you seethed at him.

“Likewise you entitled little cunt.” Astarion spat back.

You threw a punch at him, connecting with his jaw. Karlach and Wyll rushed over to hold you back as Astarion held his face. 

“You knew that quarrel was mine to settle. Kethric and Orin were mine to end. And then you just waltz off and kill them both while I’m out getting ready to fight your battle against Cazador?” you spat on the ground in front of him, shrugging Karlach and Wyll off harshly.

Astarion smirked at you, pleased with the fact he got under your skin. 

“The next time you need help I wont fucking be there. I hope Cazador gets what he wants, because I can't stand to be in your general vicinity, you low down bitch.” you could feel your eyes water with frustration but your voice remained stern. 

Astarion faltered but only for a moment, “How about instead of a tantrum I get a thank you? I dealt with your problem. That's two less issues on our laundry list of enemies.”

You glared at him, “How would you feel if I killed Cazador? Would be a different story right? You didn’t give me the satisfaction… Just… stay away from me Astarion.” your anger tapered out and all you could feel was emptiness. You walked back to your tent silently. Karlach and Wyll went back to what they were doing, also unhappy with what Astarion had done. 

You sniffled and wiped away any tears that fell as you packed your bag. You needed to get away from camp, just for a few days. Sort yourself out. You told Karlach deep in the night what was going on and begged her not to tell anyone else. She agreed, understanding completely.

You walked out of camp while the sun was still missing from the morning sky. 

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Astarion woke from his meditation, leaving his tent his eyes widened when he saw your tent was broken down. Everything of yours was missing, including you. He walked over to your tent, trying to find a sign that you’d be back. His heart started to race. 

Fuck.

He knew your fight last night hurt you. And he admittedly did go after Kethric and Orin to shorten the never ending list of enemies, but he also did it to take a shot at you. You’d both squabble since this little adventure started. Constantly goading each other for an unknown reason. Astarion jogged over to Karlach’s tent, you two were close, instant best friends. 

“Where is Y/N?” he asked quickly.

Karlach shrugged, not speaking to him. 

“Do you know where they went?” he asked again.

“Why do you care?” she sighed, finally looking at him. 

“I… don’t… I was just… wondering if they were still licking their wounds.” he said, trying to sound convincing.

“Well, they’re just an entitled cunt, right?” Karlach glared at him.

“Come now my fiery friend, you know Y/N and I have our little rows.” he tried to defend himself.

“Except this wasn’t a row Astarion!” Karlach yelled. Astarion stepped back, wincing at her sudden loud tone. “They were tortured for an eternity. Just like you. They dreamed of escaping. Just like you. They are trying to heal. Just like you. How dare you sit there and take away the one shot at revenge they had? How. Fucking. Dare. You.” she said, poking him in the chest harshly with every last word.

“I… I didn’t know that…” Astarion whispered. 

“Well it’s not exactly something they wanted to advertise.” she said, turning around, frustration evident in her voice. 

“Do you know where they are?” he asked one last time, the guilt inside him boiling up his throat. 

“No.” Karlach said before walking back into her tent, ending the conversation.

Astarion huffed, running his hands over his face. He felt awful, your typical fights were short and sweet. This was… something else now. 

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Ver’yll jogged into camp after a few days, running over to Karlach. He spoke to her briefly, her face falling instantly. She grabbed her axe, running out of camp. Astarion saw this and quickly followed, not wanting Karlach to go alone to whatever this is. Running deep into Baldur’s Gate, Karlach ran into the open hand temple. Astarion dashed behind her before he saw you. Unconscious on a cot, with bandages wrapped around your torso. Blood seeping through slightly. His heart stopped, his feet planted to the floor. Karlach knelt beside you, grasping your limp hand. 

“What happened?” Astarion asked the cleric tending to you. 

“Don’t know, they were found on the steps this morning. Looks like a gnoll did a number on them.” The cleric replied, “They’ll need to spend a few days here to heal.”

“I’ll stay with them.” Astarion said instantly.

Karlach furrowed her brows at him. 

“Please…” he said with his soft eyes ever present. 

“Fine, I’ll go let the others know. Keep a low profile.” she said with a stern voice.

Astarion held your hand, pushing hair out of your face and ghosting his fingers over your cheek. 

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It took you three days to wake up. Astarion rushed to your side, “Little love, are you alright? Cleric!” he called out.

You squinted at the light pouring in from the stained glass window. Voices echo in your head, your eyesight not quite adjusting. “Astarion?” you croaked out sleepily. 

You tried to sit up but he gently pushed you back down, shushing you. The cleric pushed him aside. “No…” you said, reaching for him weakly. 

He moved to the other side of the cot, holding your hand. The cleric worked deftly, changing your bandages and rubbing different solutions into your stitched up gashes. You faded in and out of consciousness for this process before finally waking up fully as the cleric left the room. You looked at Astarion as you felt him kiss your hand. You looked at him, his eyes moved over your exposed torso, looking at the scars Orin and Kethric had left over many years. You had never seen his eyes look so doe like, so round and full of sorrow. 

“Did you stay with me the whole time?” you asked.

He nodded, bringing a cup of water to your lips. 

“Thank you.” you said after taking a few sips.

“I’m so sorry Y/N… Karlach told me… I never would have done that if I knew… I know I can’t take it back, and no amount of apologies will make up for it… but please know I am truly sorry.” he rubbed his thumb over your knuckles. 

“I was so angry with you…” you started, looking in his eyes. “But… I know you were just trying to kill enemies we had, and you didn’t know why I wanted them dead so bad. I should have told you… thank you, for apologizing.” you said with a sigh.

“Maybe we should put this whole bickering business behind us?” he said, brushing some hair away from your forehead.

You chuckled softly, “No way… how will I spend so much time with you if we aren’t fighting?” 

“Darling, if time with me is what you wish all you have to do is ask.” he kissed your hand again before smiling at you. 

“Never been good at asking for what I want… Should we start over?” you asked, shifting closer to him. 

“No way…” he smiled before leaning over and kissing your cheek. 

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Naboo's Note:

Hello everyone! Sorry I went on a little hiatus, I was in the hospital for sepsis so kinda hard to write when I was that sick. I hope this is to everyones liking, I'll post one or two more fics over the weekend. Thank you for all the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests. Love youuuuuuu XOXOXOXO!!!!!!!

Never Afraid Again

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 798 WC

Masterlist

Warnings: heavy mention of SA, hurt/comfort, Astarion being a sweetie, def not trauma dumping

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At first, Astarion just thought you were amazing with boundaries. Every time he tried to entice you into his bedroll you politely declined. Astarion felt frustrated initially but when he truly felt feelings towards you, he seemed to mind less and less. But now, as time went on, he grew…. Antsy. You had never touched him outside of hugging him when he confessed or innocent touches like holding hands, soft pecks here and there. He wracked his brain but couldn’t understand why you wouldn’t touch him intimately. Astarions thoughts were interrupted when you walked into his tent giving him a small smile.

“Everything ok?” You asked, looking at Astarions scrunched up face.

“Darling… can I… do you…” he trailed off, laughing breathily. What he wanted to ask sounded ridiculous. 

You grew slightly worried, moving to sit with him, you tentatively took his hands. You traced over them, drawing invisible patterns into them. “What is it? You can tell me anything.” You encouraged him. 

“Do you… find me… attractive? Physically, I mean…” Astarion grumbled out. 

You laughed, cheeks flushing a bit before you realized he was being dead serious. “What? Darling, you are the most beautiful creature I ever beheld.” You said, tucking white curls behind his ears. 

Astarion’s lips twitched up momentarily, “Then… how come you never touch me? You always seem so… distant when it comes to touch. And of course I’d never want to force you… I’m just curious I guess?”

You nodded, understanding none of this was coming from a place of malice, just curiosity. Truth be told, you knew this conversation was going to be had at some point. You retracted your hands, taking a few deep breaths before speaking. Your hands picked at each other, trying to calm your erratic heart. Astarion had never seen you like this, you had been together for a year and he had never questioned this matter, and now, he is unsure if he should have brought it up at all. 

“A few months before we met… I was at The Blushing Mermaid with a few friends, we were celebrating ones new apprenticeship. Something was wrong with my drink so I went to the alley for some fresh air… I didn’t… I didn’t see them, I didn’t know anyone followed me…” your voice hitched, you cleared your throat before continuing. “They… took liberties… they forced me… I didn’t want to… Lucretious found me, she kept me safe in the circus until, well, until the nautiloid.” You quickly wiped the tear away that spilled unceremoniously. You couldn’t look Astarion in the eyes, you didn’t want to see the pity or disgust or anything. 

Astarion’s mind was brewing with violent fantasies of what he could do to your attacker. Everything made sense now. Why you jumped whenever he walked up behind you, why you were so on edge in Baldur’s Gate, why you never sought out intimate touch. 

“Darling,” he spoke, in hopes of getting your eyes to meet his. You cautiously flicked your eyes to his, only for a moment. “What happened to you wasn’t your fault. It was a vile, wretched thing that never should have happened and I’m… I’m so sorry it did my love.” He spoke softly, slowly opening his hand to you, giving you the choice to take it or reject it. You took his hand and pulled yourself into him for a hug. He shifted you so you sat in his lap, your head in the crook of his neck. You let it out, all of it. You wept for what felt like ages. Your hands fisted Astarions shirt tightly, tears fell onto the fabric. Astarion held you tightly, kissing your head and whispering affirmations to you. 

When your breathing mellowed out and your sobs turned into random mewls, only then did Astarion pull away to look at you. “You never have to be afraid like that again… I’ll always be here for you, with you…” he delicately kissed your cheek, “We never have to do anything you don’t want to do.” 

For the first time since you walked into the tent that night, you smiled at him. It was a small smile but a smile no less. “I want to… do things with you… it’ll just take time. When it happened, I felt like somebody ripped all my skin off. It takes time to grow back. But when I am ready… I want to do those things with you.” Astarion smiled back at you. His eyes had never been so soft and round. He truly loved you, and whatever you needed he would be there for you. 

You tentatively took his face in your hands, kissing him softly. He held your wrists, kissing them both when you two separated. “Love you.” You said, blushing. 

“Love you most.” He said back as you snuggled yourself into him.

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Naboo's Note:

Hello everyone! A bit of a heavier piece but it felt good to write. If you or someone you know has been SA'd and would like help please reach out to +1 202-501-4444 this is a world wide SA crisis line operating 24/7. You aren't alone in this. In writing news - I'm going to post another fic or two today. As always - thank you for the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests. Ilysm, talk soon xoxoxoxo

I think Gale is missing Waterdeep

Nothing irks me more as a fanfiction writer then when I go back and reread my works and find spelling/grammar errors…. Like I swear I’m not illiterate I just type fast and like to live life on the edge by full sending it and not rereading it until it’s published 🤷🏼‍♀️

Past, Present, Future

Astarion x Y/N - drabble - 1.2K WC

Masterlist

Warnings: prostitution, implications of SA, Loviatar worship, Astarion being such a saint of a boyfriend, depression, anxiety, self judgement, insecurities, angst, hurt/comfort, I'm in my sad girl hours and this is the product of that

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Anyone with eyes could see that Astarion was beautiful. You loved him with every fiber of your being and you knew he loved you. However, that didn’t stop your intrusive thoughts. You were insecure, always have been. Life is not always kind to everyone, it's just an unfortunate fact. Your past did not make you feel any better. You were abandoned by your family at birth. They kindly left you at a convent, for the Goddess Loviatar. You were of course taken in, the goddess could not allow such a corruptible soul to leave. You grew up rough. Beatings, torture all in the worship of Bane. You could never commit to the religion, but it did break you and your spirit. Your soul was broken and unfixable, it was something you’d come to accept. You left the convent when you were young but with nothing to your name you fell into an… unsavory line of work. Sharessess Caress was a place you found refuge and a new kind of torment. People using your body day in and day out. This was worse than the beatings you had suffered in the past, a little piece of you died every time it happened, you felt as if nothing was left of you. Until the nautiloid. Until him. Your whole life had changed. You felt happy. You felt loved. You didn’t doubt Astarion’s dedication to you, of that you were certain. You were incessantly critical of yourself about everything. It made you depressed and you felt like such a burden to him sometimes. He was forced into his torment, yet you felt like yours was somehow your own fault. Watching him be himself so freely almost made you jealous. 

He walked into your tent, you were laying on your bedroll watching the light from the lantern flicker on the ceiling. He knew that far off look, you were in a low. “Little love…” he said, laying down next to you, one arm wrapping around your waist. 

You let out a soft sniffle, “Not feeling good right now Star…” you closed your eyes, a few tears silently slipping down. 

Astarion sat up on one elbow, his other hand cradling your face. He knew of your past and how it made you feel. He promised you that you would never return to that life. He told you day in and day out of his love for you and the depth of that love. And yet, he knew your mind consumed itself in a vicious cycle. 

“I don’t think we should be together, Star.” you whispered out. 

Astarion’s whole body tensed and his breathing all but stopped. “No.” was his response.

You opened your eyes and finally faced him. “No?” You questioned.

“You heard me, I said no.” Was all he said back.

“But… but I…” you sputtered, not sure how to proceed with the conversation.

“Do you love me?” He asked simply.

You let out a long sigh, “You know I do, more than anything.” 

“And I love you. So it’s settled, we stay together.” He shrugged as if it was the most simple conclusion he had ever made. And if it were anyone else, it would be. 

“You shouldn’t be with me…” you laid back down, eyes distant and shedding tears.

“That’s for me to decide, not you. That belongs to me, it is my choice. And ya know what? I choose you. I’d choose you over anyone, every time, no matter what.” He said, whispering in your ear while delicately kissing your neck and cheek. 

“I wish I wasn’t like this.” You turned your head so your cheek rested on the top of his head. You kissed his head and played with his hair, wanting to take in every bit of him. He was always so patient with you. You were truly amazed by him.

“But you are and that’s ok. Look at this body,” he said, sitting you up and swiveling you so you faced the mirror in your tent. You wanted to look away but he softly held your face forward. 

“This is your home, it’s where you live. The food you eat, the water you drink, nourishes this body and keeps it happy. Look at those eyes, they help you see the world. The hands that hold me close at night. Your mind, which is so full and smart. This heart,” he said as he held your hand to your chest “that beats so loud and so strong despite everything that it’s been through. This soul, which is forever intertwined with mine. All of this is you. All of it is absolutely lovely.” He said, resting his head in the crook of your shoulder, kissing your neck softly over and over.

You let out a choked sob, holding his face in your hands. You kissed him gently, shakily. As if he were the most delicate glass. 

“I love you. Past, present, and future. I will always be here and will always have you until you don’t want me.” he ran his thumbs over your wrists.

You shook your head, you’d never want to be rid of him. Even the thought made your heart hurt. “I’m sorry…” you whispered.

Astarion shushed you, pulling you into his chest. “No more of that… The evening is still young, dinner is in order for us both then a nice rest. Tomorrow is a new day.” You quickly tilted your head, giving him access to your neck. “You eat first my love.” he said kissing your neck before leaving the tent to go grab you a much deserved warm meal. 

You sat up and looked at yourself in the mirror. Maybe you could start to see yourself the way he did.Your fingertips ghosted over your faces prominent features. Lips, nose, cheekbones. “You are worthy.” was all you whispered to your reflection. Astarion whispered the saying to you often at night when he thought you were long asleep. It was a saying that helped him quite a bit to accept his past and newfound freedom, perhaps it would help you to. 

Astarion returned shortly, he watched you from the mouth of the tent as you spoke to your reflection. He knew your struggle better than anyone else. He knew it weighed on you heavily. But he also knew he could pull you out of it, just like you could pull him out of his lows. You two truly loved each other, anything beyond that could be dealt with. Together. 

Astarion set the plate of steaming food down on the small table before sitting behind you. You leaned against his chest as he wrapped his arms around you snuggly. He kissed the top of your head before settling in the crook of your neck, breathing your scent in deeply. Your hand held him in place, savoring the moment.

“I love you.” you said in unison unexpectedly. For the first time that day, not only did you crack a smile but you laughed. A small laugh that made Astarion’s heart do flips. You shifted so you could hold his face in your hands. You kissed him over and over again, each kiss full of passion and gratitude. He held you close and kissed you back fervently before slowly laying you down and climbing on top of you. 

Dinner was going to have to wait.

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Naboo's Note:

Hello! I hope this was an ok piece, idk how I feel about it yet. All my pieces lately have been so sad lol I promise some fluff and smut are on their way soon. I hope everyone is well :) As always - thank you for the likes, comments, reblogs, and requests! Talk soon xoxoxoxoxoxo :)