I Wonder If Narcissa Wakes Up In The Middle Of The Night Just Thinking How The Fuck Did Both Severus

I wonder if Narcissa wakes up in the middle of the night just thinking how the fuck did both Severus and Regulus betray the Dark Lord.

Because think about it. Regulus was a Death Eater. He probably had the same opinions on muggle borns and blood purity that his mother had. The only reason he defected was because of his house elf. I’m adding a popular fan theory that Narcissa and Regulus were close. It’s a very similar reason to why she defected from the Dark. She was doing it to protect her son. But she didn’t know about Regulus’s reasons.

Then there’s Severus. She knew he was a spy. She was one of his closest friends. (Side note: Lily and Narcissa both being close to Severus. I need a full dissertation on everything because I feel like I stepped on a landmine of information that I don’t know how to handle). She also named or agreed to name him the godfather of her son. He kiIIed Dumbledore. It must’ve been sent her into a spiral to realize at end of the battle of hogwarts that Snape was Dumbledore’s man through and through.

“She’d one day stumble upon Draco’s prefect badge and think of the good old days when Sever- what do you mean he was a spy for Dumbledore?!? How on Merlin’s green earth was the possible. He hated Dumbledore. Severus couldn’t be that good of an actor. He couldn’t stand the sight of that old basta- oh. Oh. OH. She was the one he fooled the most. He didn’t spend that much time with the Dark Lord. He spent most of this time with her family. It was on their word mostly that he was accepted again. But how could her and her husband’s best friend be someone working for the Light since the first war? And what did it say about her that her best friend was lying to her about his true allegiance. How could you call that true friendship? what does that say abo- ”

Then she’d need to stop because she couldn’t allow herself to fall into that black hole. Which is why she spirals about that same topic again 8 months later. Because you need to face your feelings head on. Because burying like that will only make them come to the surface uninvited again.

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narcissa malfoy severus snape post battle of hogwarts somewhat a headcanon