Some Relieving Sensations Today

Some Relieving Sensations Today

The taste and feel of warm udon noodles with shrimp tempura after a few hours in a chilly room

Passing Kissena Park and seeing all the street lamps lit against a darkening treescape and a pale orange-pink sunset

Seeing the fireflies have returned to the lawn outside the apartment building after the cool days when they’d hid and being able to pause and take it all in for a minute

Where can you run to escape from yourself?

Switchfoot, Dare You To Move

I’m still not over the fact that the show was cancelled

Firefly Confession #1

Let your words be anything but empty.

Sara Bareilles, Brave

Standing on the 7

At each train station my exhausted eyelids are closing yet again.

Through the Music

Something that's always been extremely prominent in my life is the way God's always found ways to speak through me even before I had a grasp of His internal audible voice during prayer. In what felt like my darkest moments in junior high school, when nothing about Him made sense anymore in the context of the disheartening experience of coming home to the chaos of what I wanted desperately to resemble a real family, He gave me the lyrics I needed to hear for my heart to stay hanging onto Him. 

I know there are some who would be inclined to say that all this should have been through Christian-labled music only, but in my experience, I've observed that He's used every which way to reach me. Even in the secular music, He's reminded me of what it is I desperately long for in the human relationship, what kind of love it is He seeks to to lavish on me and what kind of love I am expected to share with others, the sorrows I will feel in hardship, the triumphant feeling of enduring because of a hope that is worth it, the thirst of being away from Him, and the joy of knowing He is always there for me. In almost every uneasy moment of my life, I have found solace in the lyrics of the music I am constantly exposed to and have discovered. 

I guess like everything else in life which I enjoy, there is always the struggle to keep all of this in check. To worship the creator and not the creation, to seek to know Him better rather than revel in the beauty of lyrics I feel I can relate to. To communicate with Him and continue to engage rather than remain in what feels like the holy place, sufficient enough to fill my need to feel something good like being addicted to an emotional drug. 

Some striking songs to me in the past year... There are many, but for a bit of personal record-keeping and sharing, I'll list out some. I'm sure I've cried for most of these at least once when listening to them, for one reason or another, and I consider that in my sentimentalism pretty freaking awesome.

Cambridge by Kina Grannis (especially striking after re-watching the WongFuProductions video "Strangers, Again" and hearing it used at the end) and Gonna Get Over You by Sara Bareilles: The way the word "maybe" hurt and stung when manifested in a relationship I took for granted, and the importance of moving on for truly understanding who I am. 

Some Boys as covered by Katherine McPhee in the series Smash: When I sang this to myself after hearing it for the first time through the series, I didn't just sing "some boys", but "some girls" as well. It was a reminder of the way broken people love and communicate in broken ways, and how it is both common and tragic.

Heart-Shaped Wreckage and Caught in the Storm from Smash, Clarity as covered by Jessica Sanchez on Glee: Describe well, the feeling of being submerged in the internal and external conflicts of a relationship with strong feelings and lots of baggage, and not wanting to hit the escape button even when it starts to feel like it makes sense. 

The Only Exception by Paramore and Mine as covered by Naya Rivera on Glee: The redemption of the hurts and wounds of growing up in a broken family by experiencing a love that proves to last. I heard both of these songs through Glee first, and Mine especially struck hard.

How He Loves by John Mark McMillan, A Thousand Years by Christina Perri, Let Me Love You (Until You Learn To Love Yourself) by Neyo: The deep and striking way in which God loves us, and how His pursuit of us is something I consider to be one of the most romantic love stories of all time. I got the privilege of watching John Mark McMillan live at an intimate bar performance with an old friend and her fellowship back in Baltimore and it was really something to remember. 

Louder by Charice, Shake it Out by Florence and the Machine: The triumph of moving forward with awesome joy despite pain. While both of these are secular songs, I've recognized that this kind of triumph and moving forward for myself personally has only been successful and joyful when moving in step with where God asks me to go.

Big Machine as covered by Mark Duplass in the movie Safety Not Guaranteed: The scene for when this song was chosen for use in this film gave my heart goosebumps (I consider it reason enough to rewatch the entire movie), and this song voiced so eloquently but humbly the frustration for how the world tries to box people in to make them fit and function in society. If I had to be honest, the handsome Mark Duplass singing while simultaneously playing the zither with a deep dark mysterious yet child-like puppy-faced expression was also pretty easy on the eyes and ears. Also strongly resonates with Mad World by Gary Jules and Little Boxes as covered by Walk Off the Earth.

The Scientist covered by the main Glee Cast: The pains and crazies of love and life, expressed in the awesomeness that is called music. Coupled with Mine, the ultimate tear-jerkers of the Glee episode that featured these songs.

Bright Lights and Cityscapes by Sara Bareilles: A gorgeous and incredibly sad expression of wanting to be the one to make things better for someone. Also echoes a bit in my mind of Cameo Lover by Kimbra, wanting the other to respond in the depth one's perceived they've already invested. 

Brave by Sarah Bareilles: An upbeat affirmation of being oneself to others, despite the past hurts and perceived social backlash. This one was too happy to cry to but my heart cried fat tears of joy when I first heard it because its level of awesome blew my mind.

Alright. I think this is more than a crazy exhaustive list (and a somewhat self-indulgent post...) and is probably going to be unreadable to some, but Sharon, aren't you glad you wrote this so that when you're old and senile you can read it again and revel in the awesome music you loved when you were younger? Yes yes, I am glad. Thanks, Sharon.