Today, I Stood At The Edge Of The World. I Leaned Against The Chipped And Discolored Paint, Bathed In

Today, I stood at the edge of the world. I leaned against the chipped and discolored paint, bathed in the light of the setting sun and I dug my toes into the soft grass before the cliff. The waves lapped at the shore below me and I inhaled as the wind whipped my hair about my face.

There, beside a lighthouse before the sea, I decided I could stay for all eternity. I could be alone on that cliffs edge in the twilight of the setting sun forever, frozen in my quiet solitude, and I would be happy.

I-was-happy, because for one moment I did stand on that cliff for eternity, hidden from the world but saturated by it. It was all I knew for those couple minutes as my present stretched to infinity.

I was a lone goddess on my solitary and ever setting shore, and I was happy.

-Other, July 2023

(s.m.)

I met a boy I think I loved in a past life. The first time we met, he sat a couple seats away from me in class and as the time ticked on he eventually looked my way and as our eyes crossed for just a second something in my heart exploded.

I never knew why but the second he walked into the room I was only aware of him and how he moved and the soft curls of his hair. I would glance out of the corner of my eye ever couple minutes to see the shape of his mouth as he talked or catch his eye, just once, like I couldn't stand to stop looking at him.

One time, he told me he liked my coat and I think I said that to him years ago, sliding the wool between my fingers, looking up at him through my lashes. I thought about his words for days after, like they were written on my bones.

My friend swears he looks at me like he is coming home from war.

I think he did, or maybe he didnt.

Maybe he never came home from the war and our love died in a foreign land and now, finally, we can lay eyes on one another again.

I swear we loved each other, but now we are strangers and I am stuck watching him, lingering in the room waiting to be acknowledged because my soul remembers and I am hoping his does as well.

We walk past each other on the sidewalk and I think of running my fingers through his curls as he gives me that small smile, but he keeps walking.

-After the After, July 2023

(s.m.)

I never wanted to be your villain, but I couldn't do this anymore, and of course I'm not fucking sure. I have loved you for five years and now I am making you cry while I stand barefoot in the driveway rocks digging between my toes and I wish It felt easier to rip your heart out. I wish it felt like reparation for all the tears I shed but I still just feel like the villain who stood there, feet bloody on the gravel, and watched you cry. -After, July 2023 (s.m.)

I'm rather content with myself, without you.

-After, July 2023

(s.m.)

"Somewhere..Somewhere, the atoms stopped fusing. I'm still your favorite regret, you're still my weapon of choosing."

-Sleep Token, 'Blood Sport'

There's a song

about all those abandoned playlists,

painful memories linked to lyrics,

about losing the songs you once loved

now spoils of heartbreak.

Every time we would sing the chorus,

I would say how ironic it would be

that if we ever broke up,

I wouldn't be able to listen to that song.

Here we are,

I just deleted it from my playlist,

it hurt too much.

-After, July 2023

(s.m.)