Yall I Just Peaked My Fave Tumblr Writer Reblogged My Blurb:3

y’all i just peaked my fave tumblr writer reblogged my blurb:3

can you imagine abby melting when reader whisper "home" while being held by her strong arms after a long stressful day 😞

a/n: my heart anon you don’t understand what putting this scenario in my head is doing to me, also this became so, so much longer than i thought it would. sorry not sorry

it never gets easy.

no amount of training and no amount of assignments you’ve completed will ever make it easy. you’ve been doing this for a while, and you’re still haunted by memories. you have the physical strength to fight, that’s not the issue, all those hours in the gym while training has paid off.

the feeling of nausea at the smell of blood, the shiver that runs down your spine every time you take someone out during a mission, just never goes away.

until now you had been holding onto the hope that one day you’d be too desensitised to be affected anymore. one day, killing people- scars, scavengers, hell, even infected, would be easy. you would no longer spend hours scrubbing away that dirty feeling all over your skin after a kill.

oh, how naive of me.

it hits you as you head towards your room. you’ve always been aware deep inside that this violence and the murder will never feel right, you’ll never be able to swallow the distaste down, but now you have accepted it. and accepting it is heavy, it hurts, burns, weighs you down.

maybe, it was the scar kid that made you realise it. she had been running towards you blind with rage, and you had shot an arrow right at her without hesitation. maybe, it was the fact that as she laid dead in front of you she reminded you of someone you lost. or maybe, it was the fact that she was so young.

killing a kid will never be easy.

at some point, you turn away from the corridor in which your room is in. you can’t be alone anymore. your entire body feels cold, and your hands are shaking. the past years it’s like you’ve numbed your discomfort at least to an extent, hiding behind the naive thinking that it would become easier at some point.

now you’ve faced the cold truth, and there’s nothing you can hide behind anymore.

when your fists hit the door and you wait for her to come open, the unsettling realisation has grown into a heavy and dark hole inside of you. you could swear it almost burns, and it completely overwhelms you.

it doesn’t feel like you’re here. or anywhere, really. it will never be easy. so you’re just supposed to do this shit till you’re dead, no matter how much it wears you down.

without even noticing it yourself, your heart is pounding in your chest and you’re hyperventilating. the black hole inside of you continues to grow bigger, until it feels like it will consume you.

when the door is slammed open you almost don’t notice. it’s abby’s voice that takes you out of it, that grounds you in reality again. the hole inside your chest is still there, but it stopped growing. her presence makes a warmth slowly spread throughout you, the cold feeling disappearing.

“hey, you okay?” she’s reaching out her arm, placing her hand on your shoulder. concern is written all over her face, but you can’t bring yourself to reply.

all you can do is wrap your arms around her, pressing your face against her collarbone. she’s unmoving for a second, before engulfing you in a hug as well. her warmth consumes you, forces the hole inside of you to shrink and shrink, until it’s almost unnoticeable. almost.

she tries to ask you again, tries to ask what happens. asks you if you need something, all you do is shake your head. you already have all you need right here in between your arms.

“home.” it’s whispered against abby’s shirt, said so casually and soft. home is safety, comfort. home is your safe space, home is where you’re protected. so how could any other place than her arms be called your home?

if you only could see abby’s face, her eyes filled with adoration. you swear she hugs you a little tighter, leans into your touch a little bit more and you feel the featherlight touch of her lips on the top of your head.

yeah, it doesn’t get easier. but you have abby, and maybe that’s all you need.